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204
Mom Contemplates Confronting Woman Who Invited Only One Of Her Twins To Her Daughter’s Birthday
Interview With ExpertI think almost all parents will say that they are the only ones who can punish or scold their kids for bad behavior. Nobody likes other parents’ opinions, backseat parenting or being told how they should raise their kids. However, holding a grudge against a child and trying to ‘teach him a lesson’ by not inviting him to a party, well, that’s another level.
Recently, one Reddit user shared her story after one of her 5-year-old twins was not invited to a girl’s birthday party by her mom for accidentally entering the women’s bathroom.
More info: Reddit
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Twins have a special bond; thus inviting one and not the other is extremely rude and hurtful for both of them
image credits: behrouz sasani (not the actual photo)
Mom shares that her 5 Y.O. has trouble reading and on the bathrooms it was just written ‘men’ and ‘women’, so one weekend, he accidentally walked in on one girl’s mom
Image credits: Sung Jin Cho (not the actual photo)
After he came back, telling his mom that he was embarrassed, she assured him that it’s not a big deal, but the woman he opened the door on insisted that he needs to be punished as it’s inappropriate
Image credits: Vlada Karpovich (not the actual photo)
Well, after a few days, the woman’s daughter was giving out birthday invites and gave one to one twin, but not the other
Image credits: mama-of-4-232
Mom is livid as holding that much of a grudge against a 5 Y.O. is insane and she is considering calling the other mom to confront her about the whole situation
A Reddit user recently posted a story online asking netizens if it would be a jerk move to call a little girl’s mom to confront her after one of her twins was not invited to the girl’s birthday party. The post received a lot of attention and collected 5.5K upvotes and almost 2K comments.
The original poster (OP) starts her story by explaining that she has twin 5-year-old boys. They are well-mannered and always get along with their peers, but OP notes that one of them, named Jude, is a slow reader. Now, the main incident happened at their synagogue where the bathroom signs say ‘men’ and ‘women’ with no little picture and they are single bathrooms.
He accidentally walked in on a woman, the mother of a little girl who is the twins’ peer. He said sorry and immediately ran away to his mom. She assured him that it’s not a big deal. However, the woman had a different opinion. She came up to OP saying that the boy needs to be punished as there’s no way that he can’t read like her daughter can.
Well, one day, that woman’s daughter was handing out invites to her birthday party and one twin got an invite while the other didn’t. The boys asked why and were told that the girl’s mother said not to give it to Jude. OP shares that she’s livid as giving an invite to only one of the twins is rude and passive-aggressive and it’s ridiculous to hold such a grudge against a 5-year-old kid.
Community members backed up the author and gave her the ‘Not the A-hole’ badge in this situation, discussing how even adults who can read accidentally walk into the wrong bathrooms. “I feel like the mom is embarrassed she forgot to lock the door and is projecting the blame on the poor kid so she doesn’t feel foolish,” one user wrote. “The fact the woman thinks a kid should be punished for what pretty clearly was an accident says a lot,” another added.
Image credits: Keira Burton (not the actual photo)
“Although it might be tempting to ‘punish’ another parent through invites or the lack of one to a kid’s birthday party, I think it’s a terrible idea,” Samantha, who is a parental blogger and the founder of Walking Outside in Slippers, shared with Bored Panda. She adds that disagreements should be handled like adults by discussing them and inviting all the children that our kids want to include at their birthday party.
Now, while parents may have different approaches on disciplinary methods or values, Samantha notes that open communication is paramount in difficult situations with other parents. “I’ve had my own share of troubles with navigating confusing signals and actions from other parents, and have not always come out clear on where they stand. But I try to stay above the fray, and act in a way that demonstrates mature behavior for my kids.”
Also, she emphasizes that she believes kids should not be punished for their parents’ actions. Well, unless there is a situation where you are forced to depend on that troublesome parent for something you don’t believe they can follow through on.
Finally, sometimes parents want to ‘win’ some fight that they have with others and don’t care about any lines. Samantha shares that kids are always watching their parents, for better or worse. “We need to be aware of this while interacting with other parents. By simply going through our days and regular social interactions, our kids are learning from us.”
And what do you guys think about this story? Should OP confront the woman for her ‘revenge’ on the little boy? Share your thoughts in the comments!
Redditors shamed the girl’s mother and her behavior towards the kid
What do you think ?
James016 1 year ago
It was an accident, that level of pettiness is just ludicrous. A 5 year old may be able to read the word, doesn't mean they understand the word. How many seconds was the kid in the bathroom, less than 10 I suspect
Tyke 1 year ago
What exactly did this woman think this 5 year old's intentions were? As you said, it was an accident - she sounds like an utter nightmare
Load More Replies...
Austin L 1 year ago
The article says it was a single occupancy room that the other person simply forgot to lock the door. I do not understand how a room only designed for 1 person can be gender specific. This is a solution looking for a problem.
Per-Ole Sjuve 1 year ago
And she expects a 5 year old child to be able to read, but not a grown woman to remember to latch her public bathroom door?
Load More Replies...
Upstaged75 1 year ago
WTF is wrong with that lady. SHE'S the one who didn't lock the door. And she wants to punish a 5 year old for making an innocent mistake? I feel sorry for her child. If it were me I'd talk to the school, the rabbi, and all the other parents in the class to let them know what the crazy b!tch did. But I'm petty like that. ;)
Trillian 1 year ago (edited)
OMFG. a) A school rule about who you have to invite to your kid's private birthday party? You have got to be kidding me. b) So this woman is freaking out bc a 5 (!!!!!) year old kid saw her on the potty? Like, for real??? c) Unless you know for sure that only the one kid was friends with the birthday girl before the incident, either both go or none. I usually am for letting kids have their own friendships and siblings, not even twins should be automatically invited along. But this sounds ridiculous.
Gardener of Weeden 1 year ago
The school rule I think is to keep one kid from being singled out ( like this) When my kid was young, either just the after school "good" friends were invited - or everyone was. It is mean to exclude that one kid.
Load More Replies...
geezeronthehill 1 year ago
Punish? Punish!? You don't punish little kids, you help them learn from mistakes!
BarkingSpider 1 year ago (edited)
That mom is trash and I wouldn't want my kids at her house. I feel bad for her daughter. Also this lady expects a 5 year old to read, but she doesn't know how to lock a door? P**s off!
- 1 year ago
Here's the update (it seems the momzilla is an ex-wife for good reason). https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18h2w0v/update_wibta_if_i_called_a_little_girls_mother_to/
Alethea Fletcher 1 year ago
The absolute AH is the woman who didn't lock the toilet door, and then acts like that to a 5yr old child over an easy mistake. Which, he wouldn't have been able to make had she locked the door! She has some serious issues if she can behave in such a b****y way to a small child. 🤬
Hey! 1 year ago (edited)
If I don't pay attention or if I'm anxious to go, I sometimes go in the men's room by accident. Mostly in airports. If my husband is there, he'll redirect me but if I left our seats, no one is there to check. Who never pushed another's toilet door when the lock didn't work? How much damage can you make when you close the door right away? Especially when sitting, men or women, you can't even see between the legs. That lady is making a mountain out of nothing - it's on her, she forgot to lock the door. If I'd words with that lady, I would bring a witness or two but she seems like a lost cause.
WonderWoman 1 year ago
The adult didn't lock the door and is angry that a child walked in on her?? Now she is punishing the child for making a mistake for which he apologized? OP need to contact the school. If invitations are being given out at school then they should be aware of what happened. Many schools have inclusion rules regarding invites. Many other schools have zero invitations at school - so that young children aren't aware they are being excluded. The 'offended' woman should be ashamed of herself and the school should be made aware
Nigel Sulley 1 year ago
NTA, but you need to stop letting other parents "talk down to you".. if you don't respect yourself enough to stand up for yourself or your children, then nobody will. Just because you are a young parent doesn't give anyone any right to talk down to you..
Ron Baza 1 year ago
The correct response is: 1/No confrontation. The AH mother has already refused to engage, there is nothing to gain here. 2/Neither twin attends the party. Let them have a nice day doing something else. 3/When the twins’ birthday comes around, send invites to Al parents which read “All children are arrived. Including the one whose parent invited one - and only one - of my two children. I am not the sort of adult who bullied five-year-old children. Only a dreadful person would do that. And, once again, one of the children being invited has a dreadful mother who bullies five-year-olds. But I will not name that dreadful person. She knows who she is, and I imagine every day she has to tell herself a lie just so she can look in the mirror. Look forward to seeing you all next weekend!”
nm (he/him) 1 year ago
If I was the parent of the twins I would conspire with them and send to the party the "culprit" (provided that the twins are identical and difficult to distinguish which is which). After the party I would call the Karen mother, reveal the truth and open her a new arsehole.
Tracy Sellars 1 year ago
WTF adults walk into the wrong bathroom at times. Who the f***k punishers a kid for making the same mistake.
Fox with a Dragon Tattoo 1 year ago
Next birthday for her twins. She needs to host a huge party. And give all the children invites for the kids and parents... except the b***h mom. Make sure to specifically exclude her. Then enjoy the party ans make sure all the parents do too.. best way to get even is to enjoy yourself
Pittsburgh rare 1 year ago
She's not the AH in this particular instance, but what if some time one of the kids is not invited because the birthday kid is friends with only one of the twins? Honestly, those "rules" about inviting the whole class are ridiculous.
PoppiesNflowers87 (He/They) 1 year ago (edited)
The five year old kid made an honest mistake walked in on accident realized his mistake apologized and ran off that’s all that needed to be said, but while I was reading some of the other comments I started thinking about how it could be more helpful if OP talks to the people who run the synagogue or help out in the synagogue to see if they can’t put up paper signs or something up in the doors or walls
Gardener of Weeden 1 year ago
First the "woman" needs to be taught how to lock a bathroom door. Maybe she needs to be punished for not behaving correctly. I do not want my daughter to walk in on a strange woman using the toilet. Now in reality - personally I would speak to the Rabbi, you do not need to give names - but this might make a very good sermon
Marnie 1 year ago
The main story aside, you don't knock on bathroom doors in public. That was weird instructions to give the kid. Unless she just meant at that particular place. If so, that would make sense.
Jungle Empress 85 1 year ago
Oh Lord the flashbacks. This all sounds a lot like how my dad would want to punish me at five years old for things like having trouble with reading something, because apparently he thought I was being defiant? Why do so many parents think children are just tiny adults and should behave as such? Never mind that adults make honest mistakes too...
Coffeemama05 1 year ago
Not every kid can read at the age of 5, and that’s an extremely rude comment of her to say. She should have locked the door (I would imagine it’d have a lock). I would not call her. I would not have anyone like that in my life or my kids lives. He’s 5! Not 25!!! She needs to get knocked off her high horse. I’d probably say something to the school so they’re aware of what’s going on
Metaniel 1 year ago
UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/6o44M4Ol8h
Metaniel 1 year ago
UPDATE: WIBTA if I called a little girls mother to ask why my son wasn’t invited to her birthday? OP link: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/fvcr5QG8K8 Hi everyone! Thank you everyone who responded to my last post. I tried my best to reply or at least upvote to every comment. I was happy to hear that I wasn’t the whole. But as far as advice went, I got a lot of mixed feedback. Some telling me to call Jess out. Some telling me there’s nothing I can do. Some telling me to host a party on the same day and invite all the kids in their class. I decided to contact our rabbi whose wife is also the assistant principal of their school. They said they think talking with Jess and having a sit down conversation is the best way to go. On Saturday, they asked Jess to stay after services to have a talk. It was the Rabbi, his wife, me, my wife, Jess and her ex.
Load More Replies... Metaniel 1 year ago
Update: UPDATE: WIBTA if I called a little girls mother to ask why my son wasn’t invited to her birthday? OP link: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/fvcr5QG8K8 Hi everyone! Thank you everyone who responded to my last post. I tried my best to reply or at least upvote to every comment. I was happy to hear that I wasn’t the whole. But as far as advice went, I got a lot of mixed feedback. Some telling me to call Jess out. Some telling me there’s nothing I can do. Some telling me to host a party on the same day and invite all the kids in their class. I decided to contact our rabbi whose wife is also the assistant principal of their school. They said they think talking with Jess and having a sit down conversation is the best way to go. On Saturday, they asked Jess to stay after services to have a talk. It was the Rabbi, his wife, me, my wife, Jess and her ex.
Exotic Butters 1 year ago
I've accidentally walked in to the wrong bathroom. Never lost a friend over it. OP would not be the a*s but the case has been made and that (awful) mom rejected it. What's the point of calling to say it again? I'd skip the party and make a great day for your boys. And no, I would not run that mean woman in the parking lot. Probably.
Jayjay 1 year ago
I do not think that adding that this was a jewish school was helpful. I had children do the same in any kindergarten. The offended woman is also universal (we talk about Karens, right?) This is a universal problem, happens anywhere, do not be offended by it because neither you nor your son had anything to do with it. Please keep your twins together, no matter what.
James016 1 year ago
It was an accident, that level of pettiness is just ludicrous. A 5 year old may be able to read the word, doesn't mean they understand the word. How many seconds was the kid in the bathroom, less than 10 I suspect
Tyke 1 year ago
What exactly did this woman think this 5 year old's intentions were? As you said, it was an accident - she sounds like an utter nightmare
Load More Replies... Austin L 1 year ago
The article says it was a single occupancy room that the other person simply forgot to lock the door. I do not understand how a room only designed for 1 person can be gender specific. This is a solution looking for a problem.
Per-Ole Sjuve 1 year ago
And she expects a 5 year old child to be able to read, but not a grown woman to remember to latch her public bathroom door?
Load More Replies... Upstaged75 1 year ago
WTF is wrong with that lady. SHE'S the one who didn't lock the door. And she wants to punish a 5 year old for making an innocent mistake? I feel sorry for her child. If it were me I'd talk to the school, the rabbi, and all the other parents in the class to let them know what the crazy b!tch did. But I'm petty like that. ;)
Trillian 1 year ago (edited)
OMFG. a) A school rule about who you have to invite to your kid's private birthday party? You have got to be kidding me. b) So this woman is freaking out bc a 5 (!!!!!) year old kid saw her on the potty? Like, for real??? c) Unless you know for sure that only the one kid was friends with the birthday girl before the incident, either both go or none. I usually am for letting kids have their own friendships and siblings, not even twins should be automatically invited along. But this sounds ridiculous.
Gardener of Weeden 1 year ago
The school rule I think is to keep one kid from being singled out ( like this) When my kid was young, either just the after school "good" friends were invited - or everyone was. It is mean to exclude that one kid.
Load More Replies... geezeronthehill 1 year ago
Punish? Punish!? You don't punish little kids, you help them learn from mistakes!
BarkingSpider 1 year ago (edited)
That mom is trash and I wouldn't want my kids at her house. I feel bad for her daughter. Also this lady expects a 5 year old to read, but she doesn't know how to lock a door? P**s off!
- 1 year ago
Here's the update (it seems the momzilla is an ex-wife for good reason). https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18h2w0v/update_wibta_if_i_called_a_little_girls_mother_to/
Alethea Fletcher 1 year ago
The absolute AH is the woman who didn't lock the toilet door, and then acts like that to a 5yr old child over an easy mistake. Which, he wouldn't have been able to make had she locked the door! She has some serious issues if she can behave in such a b****y way to a small child. 🤬
Hey! 1 year ago (edited)
If I don't pay attention or if I'm anxious to go, I sometimes go in the men's room by accident. Mostly in airports. If my husband is there, he'll redirect me but if I left our seats, no one is there to check. Who never pushed another's toilet door when the lock didn't work? How much damage can you make when you close the door right away? Especially when sitting, men or women, you can't even see between the legs. That lady is making a mountain out of nothing - it's on her, she forgot to lock the door. If I'd words with that lady, I would bring a witness or two but she seems like a lost cause.
WonderWoman 1 year ago
The adult didn't lock the door and is angry that a child walked in on her?? Now she is punishing the child for making a mistake for which he apologized? OP need to contact the school. If invitations are being given out at school then they should be aware of what happened. Many schools have inclusion rules regarding invites. Many other schools have zero invitations at school - so that young children aren't aware they are being excluded. The 'offended' woman should be ashamed of herself and the school should be made aware
Nigel Sulley 1 year ago
NTA, but you need to stop letting other parents "talk down to you".. if you don't respect yourself enough to stand up for yourself or your children, then nobody will. Just because you are a young parent doesn't give anyone any right to talk down to you..
Ron Baza 1 year ago
The correct response is: 1/No confrontation. The AH mother has already refused to engage, there is nothing to gain here. 2/Neither twin attends the party. Let them have a nice day doing something else. 3/When the twins’ birthday comes around, send invites to Al parents which read “All children are arrived. Including the one whose parent invited one - and only one - of my two children. I am not the sort of adult who bullied five-year-old children. Only a dreadful person would do that. And, once again, one of the children being invited has a dreadful mother who bullies five-year-olds. But I will not name that dreadful person. She knows who she is, and I imagine every day she has to tell herself a lie just so she can look in the mirror. Look forward to seeing you all next weekend!”
nm (he/him) 1 year ago
If I was the parent of the twins I would conspire with them and send to the party the "culprit" (provided that the twins are identical and difficult to distinguish which is which). After the party I would call the Karen mother, reveal the truth and open her a new arsehole.
Tracy Sellars 1 year ago
WTF adults walk into the wrong bathroom at times. Who the f***k punishers a kid for making the same mistake.
Fox with a Dragon Tattoo 1 year ago
Next birthday for her twins. She needs to host a huge party. And give all the children invites for the kids and parents... except the b***h mom. Make sure to specifically exclude her. Then enjoy the party ans make sure all the parents do too.. best way to get even is to enjoy yourself
Pittsburgh rare 1 year ago
She's not the AH in this particular instance, but what if some time one of the kids is not invited because the birthday kid is friends with only one of the twins? Honestly, those "rules" about inviting the whole class are ridiculous.
PoppiesNflowers87 (He/They) 1 year ago (edited)
The five year old kid made an honest mistake walked in on accident realized his mistake apologized and ran off that’s all that needed to be said, but while I was reading some of the other comments I started thinking about how it could be more helpful if OP talks to the people who run the synagogue or help out in the synagogue to see if they can’t put up paper signs or something up in the doors or walls
Gardener of Weeden 1 year ago
First the "woman" needs to be taught how to lock a bathroom door. Maybe she needs to be punished for not behaving correctly. I do not want my daughter to walk in on a strange woman using the toilet. Now in reality - personally I would speak to the Rabbi, you do not need to give names - but this might make a very good sermon
Marnie 1 year ago
The main story aside, you don't knock on bathroom doors in public. That was weird instructions to give the kid. Unless she just meant at that particular place. If so, that would make sense.
Jungle Empress 85 1 year ago
Oh Lord the flashbacks. This all sounds a lot like how my dad would want to punish me at five years old for things like having trouble with reading something, because apparently he thought I was being defiant? Why do so many parents think children are just tiny adults and should behave as such? Never mind that adults make honest mistakes too...
Coffeemama05 1 year ago
Not every kid can read at the age of 5, and that’s an extremely rude comment of her to say. She should have locked the door (I would imagine it’d have a lock). I would not call her. I would not have anyone like that in my life or my kids lives. He’s 5! Not 25!!! She needs to get knocked off her high horse. I’d probably say something to the school so they’re aware of what’s going on
Metaniel 1 year ago
UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/6o44M4Ol8h
Metaniel 1 year ago
UPDATE: WIBTA if I called a little girls mother to ask why my son wasn’t invited to her birthday? OP link: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/fvcr5QG8K8 Hi everyone! Thank you everyone who responded to my last post. I tried my best to reply or at least upvote to every comment. I was happy to hear that I wasn’t the whole. But as far as advice went, I got a lot of mixed feedback. Some telling me to call Jess out. Some telling me there’s nothing I can do. Some telling me to host a party on the same day and invite all the kids in their class. I decided to contact our rabbi whose wife is also the assistant principal of their school. They said they think talking with Jess and having a sit down conversation is the best way to go. On Saturday, they asked Jess to stay after services to have a talk. It was the Rabbi, his wife, me, my wife, Jess and her ex.
Load More Replies... Metaniel 1 year ago
Update: UPDATE: WIBTA if I called a little girls mother to ask why my son wasn’t invited to her birthday? OP link: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/fvcr5QG8K8 Hi everyone! Thank you everyone who responded to my last post. I tried my best to reply or at least upvote to every comment. I was happy to hear that I wasn’t the whole. But as far as advice went, I got a lot of mixed feedback. Some telling me to call Jess out. Some telling me there’s nothing I can do. Some telling me to host a party on the same day and invite all the kids in their class. I decided to contact our rabbi whose wife is also the assistant principal of their school. They said they think talking with Jess and having a sit down conversation is the best way to go. On Saturday, they asked Jess to stay after services to have a talk. It was the Rabbi, his wife, me, my wife, Jess and her ex.
Exotic Butters 1 year ago
I've accidentally walked in to the wrong bathroom. Never lost a friend over it. OP would not be the a*s but the case has been made and that (awful) mom rejected it. What's the point of calling to say it again? I'd skip the party and make a great day for your boys. And no, I would not run that mean woman in the parking lot. Probably.
Jayjay 1 year ago
I do not think that adding that this was a jewish school was helpful. I had children do the same in any kindergarten. The offended woman is also universal (we talk about Karens, right?) This is a universal problem, happens anywhere, do not be offended by it because neither you nor your son had anything to do with it. Please keep your twins together, no matter what.
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