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“What Made You Realize Your Best Friend Was Actually A Complete Jerk?” (30 Responses)
Friendship is definitely magic, and we have absolutely no reason not to believe those wonderful little ponies, thanks to which the whole world knows so well about the charms of friendship. But seriously, thousands of books have been written about friendship, hundreds of movies have been filmed - and yet we still do not fully understand the exact reasons why some people can have such strong feelings for each other.
However, just as there is only one step from love to hate, so the path from friendship to betrayal can be no less short. And sometimes we even realize with bitterness that the person whom we have long considered our devoted friend, in fact, turned out to be far from ideal. And then the only thing left is to share your story!
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For a long time, I thought that my best friend was an a*****e for kicking me out of the apartment we shared (he was the leaseholder) in college. In reality, I was a horrible roommate who partied too much and didn't clean up after myself. I was the a*****e.
When she told me she was cheating on her husband and then I found out she was cheating with MY husband.
This will get buried, but it’s my time to shine…
Best Friend of 30 years.
Gets a girl pregnant at 21. They get married. Have the baby. He gets mad at someone at work and walks out, with a newborn at home.
My stepdad hires him, even though he doesn’t really have any skills, nor is there a position for him. Works there for a long time. Learns well. Does a great job. Gets promoted often and is paid well.
Covid happens. Stepdad files for some PPP. In the course of the paper work they found out my best friend. Who had been treated like a son (better than me at times) had embezzled roughly $100k over three or so years.
Not my best friend anymore.
In fact, history knows many examples when former friends became bitter enemies. Suffice it to recall at least Julius Caesar, whose murderer Brutus not only organized a whole conspiracy against his former close friend, but is also considered by some researchers to be Caesar's biological son. However, big politics and friendship, unfortunately, are often not just incompatible things - they are completely opposite things.
When he got his girlfriend pregnant he got 6 weeks of paternity leave. He lived with me and she had her own place. For months after the child was born he sat home taking advantage of his paid vacation playing 10 hours of video games a day while she struggled with the child.
When she threw a s**t-fit after I said something along the lines of—“if he cheats on his wife with you, what do you think is going to stop him from cheating on you with someone else?”
Apparently I’m not supportive?
1. Cheats with a cheater 2. Cheater then cheats on them 3. *Shocked pikachu face*
I was poor and in college, I had the flu really really bad one week and asked my friend (he lived in a dorm across the hall) to go to the convenience store in the dorm lobby and get me something to drink and he could get whatever for himself too. He got me my soda and himself $40 worth of snacks. Didn’t notice at the time and I ordered us a pizza, he knew it was all I was going to have to eat for the next few days, and he snuck into my room and ate the leftovers while I was passed out on cold medicine.
I didn’t even really know how to respond. Like I was already buying him snacks and feeding him… he had a meal plan on campus (I didn’t)… why act like that?
"When you open up to a friend, you make yourself vulnerable to that person," says Holly Roberts, a psychotherapist with the relationship charity Relate, in an interview with The Guardian. "That's what makes it hard. Because you've bared yourself emotionally to that person and been hurt by them." And it is even sadder that what has been created and maintained for months and years can be destroyed literally in a moment or so.
Indeed, according to a recent study by Jeffrey Hall, a professor of communication studies at the University of Kansas, it takes about 50 hours of continuous conversation to call a stranger your friend, and 200 hours to become a close friend. At the same time, our communication resources decrease with age - for example, according to the same study, the average American spends only about 41 minutes a day in conversations with people.
When she moved in with her boyfriend who didn't like dogs. At first her 2 collies were locked in the basement. Rarely taken for walks. Instead they would just spread newspaper on the floor and switch it out when it was saturated. When the older of the 2 collies died, the remaining dog was banished to a small corner of the backyard chained to a doghouse. She didn't even go outside to feed her, but threw her food out of a window onto the ground. Only went out every other day or so to refill the water dish and pick up poop.
She argued with me that all of the dogs needs were taken care of and she was fine. I draw the line at animal abuse - no one who I call a friend treats an animal like that. That's when I stopped being her friend. Haven't had any contact since.
When my ex turned violent and I ended up running to live in a literal tent in the woods as I had no money, a lot of my "friends" suddenly stopped talking to me. Only TWO stuck around.
F**k all of those a******s who discarded me the second I was in dire need and trouble.
I've had at least 3 people over 20 years live with me to put a roof over their heads, that's what friends DO.
Realizing I am always there for them but it is never reciprocated or even acknowledged or even feigned interested in any thing I am doing in life.
After years and years, I finally have a mental list of whom I'll drop everything to help and another list of people who couldn't be bothered to come through for me so "Sorry, I'm out of town/getting ready to leave for a trip".
“With age, we really reduce our level of communication, but not because we become less sociable - there is just a certain limit of active social ties, and we simply cannot physically maintain a greater number of relationships that can be classified as friendly,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, with whom Bored Panda got in touch for a comment. "This limit of social connections is commonly called the 'Dunbar number', after the British anthropologist who was the first to describe this effect."
"According to various methods of calculation, the level of Dunbar's number ranges from 150 to 300 people, but this, of course, also depends on how active a person's social life is. Therefore, with age, it becomes more and more difficult for us to make new friends - it's just that our brain does not process new incoming information so easily anymore. And the destruction of any old friendship is perceived more and more painfully," Irina notes.
Probably when my gf at the time admitted to sleeping with him and my three other guy friends while we were together.
Not in an embarrassed way either, she was throwing it in my face to hurt me.
I hoped against my own instincts that it wasn't true but I asked him and knew instantly from the look in his eyes that it was.
Basically lost my whole friend group overnight, but... ended up finding *much* better friends in the long run.
It all works out.
Looking back on it, a red flag was when they insulted my mothers cooking. My family isn’t very wealthy but my mother does her best and she had worked hard to make that meal so they wouldn’t be hungry. And then they just insulted it. Also they never said thank you.
Unless it’s got worms in it, you just don’t say anything bad about a meal someone took the time & care to prepare for u as a guest.
And it wasn’t even a simple “I didn’t like it very much” They straight up made fun of my mom and called her a terrible cook (which btw, she isn’t)
She bought me alcohol for valentines when she knew I wanted to try to stay sober. We divorced, I’m sober three years now.
Lost my best friend but gained the rest of my life.
Be that as it may, there are certain situations in which you can really understand that the person whom you previously considered to be your bosom friend is now not (or, even worse, never was). So please feel free to scroll to the very end of this list of sad and instructive stories and be sure to add your own, in case you have something to share under your belt.
All we ever talked about was her - how she hated being single, who she dated, how jealous she was of other people with partners. She skipped my dad's funeral. She ignored my housewarming party. She'd ignore me for weeks at a time, then suddenly call me up crying because she got dumped.
I drove her to surgeries and sat waiting to drive her home. Watched her kids. Sat through a hundred weepy nights.
Then she found a relationship. I have seen her 1x in the past 9 months (because I invited her to get together) and haven't heard from her in 3. I guess she must be happy now, doesn't need me to be a shoulder to lean on.
She wasn't ever interested in being a friend to me. I was just someone to cheer her up when she was feeling down.
When I realised that I was an alcoholic and needed to make a life change and his response was to say ' who am I going to drink with now?'
True story. About just over a decade ago i ran a very small but (still have) successful tree surgery business but due to the stress i self medicated with booze, i didn't climb when drinking/nor drove but i needed it after.....a lot and didn't risk anyone's life when working. It was tough being an alcoholic. My "friend" offered to help but he then went round all of my clients and told them what was happening to me, they knew what was happening to me. I never lied about it but the funny thing was they said to my "friend" who TF are you? We are here to help him and we want him to work for us. Said "friend" was kicked out of each clients garden on the spot, lost all respect of everyone but i still work for all the same clients to this day. Cut down on my booze but still like wine at night. Never saw the fxkin wxnker again. I'm told he left the country owing thousands to other people.
He would be a good friend to me in private situations, but when we were in groups or in front of total strangers, he would turn on me and try and embarrass me. After 2-3 years of it, I decided he would be better out of my life and haven't spoken to him for over 15 years.
I happily watched her son while she and her boyfriend went to Jamaica for 10 days. He was an awesome teenager and we had great fun. It added 45 minutes to my work commute each way, but it was fine. They were due to return and I was going home.
Then I got a call that something happened and their return was delayed. She couldn't give me details, but would tell me when they got home. I had no answers to give her 14 year old son for his concern. There were no phone calls to him from his mom.
They returned 12 days later than anticipated. I learned a couple of days later, after we had time alone that she and boyfriend tried to bring ganja back with them (through the Miami Dade airport, no less).
I lost all respect for her as a single parent. Her actions were incredibly selfish considering her son still needed raising. She had no family near by that could raise him and she could have been fired.
The nail in the coffin was when I asked for my then BFs camera back, she went on a horrible racist rant. She said she left it in the rental car, went back to retrieve it and "that fu*#ing ni@+#r cleaning the car must have stolen it". I simply told her that she needed to replace the camera.
I cried that day for the loss of the friend who I loved and respected.
Easy.
When I went on a family vacation with him and his family. Seeing how he treated his partner, how out of control his kid was, and how much of a lazy and selfish c**t he was.
Eye-opener.
When I trusted and believed he was like a brother only to have him steal thousands of dollars from me. The money didn’t even matter but the treason hurt for years.
He started manipulating women into "romantic relationships" just to be a dog with them. He was unfaithful to all of them, and when I asked him why he was doing that and if he felt no remorse, he just answered that: "it isn't wrong unless they find out", so I immediately stopped trusting him.
If my guy best friend was interested in a girl or was talking to one, he would treat me like absolute garbage
When he had no girls to talk to or was interested in, he would be super nice to me and hang out all the time
A few years after we graduated high school, we were with a group of friends when he basically said “I’m only nice to girls if there’s a chance I can have sex with them or there’s no other girls in the picture” it all clicked
Over time we lost contact, then she only reached out when she needed money. I let this go on too long until I found out I was pregnant with my first, and told her then I wouldn't send any money after that. She still asked, my daughter is now over 1.5 yo, and she had never even met her. I ended up blocking her and telling her not to bother trying to reach out anymore.
When they were extremely rude to a guy who had a learning disability
Then they were probably abliest edit: sorry I misspelled ableist
When he complained and got a server at Texas Roadhouse "fired" over a $2 shortage...and was laughing and bragging about it. Like, it made him feel good / important that he cost someone their job.
As a side note, we are no longer friends and, about 2 weeks later, we (me, my wife, and daughter) had the same server at the same Texas Roadhouse.
Oof I have a couple. Tbf I wasn’t hanging out with good people back in the day, and it took me a long time to accept I wasn’t a good person back then. After a lot of self reflection I see my wrongs and theirs but:
She constantly mocked my insecurities and appearance under the guise of teasing, however it was definitely malicious at the extent she did it. I never once mocked her like that, always tried to hype her up. When my hair started thinning due to a medical condition and she mocked me that was the final straw
Another one was in a bad spot and I helped them out with money as much as I could. One day she asked for a good chunk and I simply didn’t have it, i was living off of beans and rice until my next paycheck, if I’d had it she would have gotten it. She got so mad she told a bunch of very personal things to others and completely stopped talking to me. Later found out she was on meth at the time and that might be why
And lastly was the one who turned a blind eye to her husband being physically and emotionally abusive to their children. Wouldn’t leave him because she said that she couldn’t handle the idea of being a single mom. Sometimes you have to put your kids lives first and swallow your pride. Had to cut her out after that, and let the proper authorities know
He and his brother destroyed an apartment we shared.
Some 30 thousand in damage, then tried to come after me for it.
Dude went around starting rumors that I was saying I was going to kick this dude's a*s. I had no idea, until I'm walking through the hallway and I get suckerpunched in the back of the head by this dude yelling about how I'm talking about kicking his a*s.
Pretty much wrote this guy off at that point.
Years later, well into our 30s, and this guy is still a super douche. The kind of guy who's always bragging about how much money he makes and cars he owns and all that kind of stuff. We're facebook friends for whatever reason, and I happen to make a post about how I was in line to see Star Wars: The Force Awakens and I managed to not get spoiled. His comment, while I'm walking into the theater, is a screenshot of Han Solo with a lightsaber stuck through his gut.
Haven't talked to that guy since then.
It was when I started living with him. You get to see how someone really is when you cohabitate.
She was negative about everything and wanted people in her life to suffer and fail… including me. Also would say horrible cruel judgmental things about everyone in her life and blame everything outside of herself for her unhappiness. What started as a ohhh she’s my b****y blunt sassy friend who’s like Daria.. ended as oh my goodness wait.. you are genuinely a miserable extremely lost (mentally unwell) person who gets joy watching others suffer.
She works as a princess character at Disneyland by the way. Despises when the children ask for a hug or want to touch her. Hates children. But loves the makeup and wigs and having her picture taken. Cosplay type stuff.
She would get belligerent, loud, and annoying when she was drunk. She cheated on her husband with a guy from work. She was also a bridezilla at her wedding reception. The final straw: I can’t remember what topic was, but she posted something on FB that ended with “if you disagree, feel free to block me” and I commented “ok” then blocked her everywhere I could.
I'd gotten use to the cycle of him getting a new partner then disappearing until things went tits up and I'd help him pick up the pieces.
We went through the cycle many times, whatever he needed I always had his back, of course when I was at my lowest ebb, really having
a really f*****g tough time I let him know and he said he'd try to find some time to hang out. The only thing I'd ever asked of him, of course
he vanishes again until his next relationship blew up, he called not long ago, I didn't bother getting back to him.
for some reason I'm always taken aback by the term "tits up" I don't know why and maybe it's because I'm in the US so I never hear it but I always have to re read it because I can't comprehend what I just read lol
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For about a month or two I kept getting phone calls where the caller would repeat almost everything I'd been up to, pretty much saying they were watching me all the time. Sometimes even went into my feelings, worries, etc. I found out this was my "best friend" getting her friend I didn't know to call me up with all the knowledge I'd entrusted "best friend" with.
After high school I had a friend who enrolled in art school. He would never draw anything for me and if I asked he would vitch and moan about how everyone wanted stuff for free from him. This was the same guy who had no problem coming over to my place for elaborately cooked dinners (I was a line cook) drink my liquor and smoke my weed without putting up a dollar. Must be so hard to be an artist
Couldn't you just... not feed him? Then it's fair, no?
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I had that! A dear friend went full Trump. And all sorts of homophobic, terrible things. Haven't talked to her since. Still feel bad and sad.
Load More Replies... For about a month or two I kept getting phone calls where the caller would repeat almost everything I'd been up to, pretty much saying they were watching me all the time. Sometimes even went into my feelings, worries, etc. I found out this was my "best friend" getting her friend I didn't know to call me up with all the knowledge I'd entrusted "best friend" with.
After high school I had a friend who enrolled in art school. He would never draw anything for me and if I asked he would vitch and moan about how everyone wanted stuff for free from him. This was the same guy who had no problem coming over to my place for elaborately cooked dinners (I was a line cook) drink my liquor and smoke my weed without putting up a dollar. Must be so hard to be an artist
Couldn't you just... not feed him? Then it's fair, no?
Load More Replies... I had that! A dear friend went full Trump. And all sorts of homophobic, terrible things. Haven't talked to her since. Still feel bad and sad.
Load More Replies...