Woman On Twitter Educates People On Getting Bitten By These 19 Different Animals

So, Jelena Woehr (pronounced yell in a war), a writer, editor, creative, educator, and businesswoman from Los Angeles, went to Twitter with a thread—a thread that reviews animal bites.

In particular, these are somewhat detailed accounts of how these various animals bite, and how it feels.

Now, we’re not sure whether the author of these tweets has actually done the empirical part of this experiment before writing up the reviews, but whatever the case may be, don’t try this at home!

The list includes a number of domesticated and wild animals: everything from goats to snakes to birds to dogs to different kinds of rodents.

Each review includes a general overview of the bite, its qualities and character, the feeling and other related details.

The reviews also include a rating on a 5-point scale with 0 being a bad and 5—a good rating. In some cases, the “experience” breaks the scale, but in most it stays within the confines of the numeric continuum.

According to Jelena, among the best bites are those by the parrotlet, the African pygmy hedgehog, the chinchilla, and, of course, the giant squid, which got a million-point rating.

But, there are also bad bites, mostly ones that are anything but pleasant: those by the vicuña (South American camelids reminiscent of llamas), the domestic cat, the black bear hamster, and the Norwegian rat. The vicuña, though cute, got a -5 rating, so there’s that.

Though the thread received a modest amount of attention from the internet, just a bit over 13,000 likes with nearly 4,500 retweets, many were still engaged sharing their own thoughts on bites.

The commenters effectively said to avoid bites from animals like golden Syrian hamsters, geese, and Maine [private part].

However, not all are bad. Some vouched for pigeons, gerbils, grasshoppers, and many other very tame animals as having either ineffective and/or amusing bites.