Am I Being Unreasonable

So, I (f51) and hubby (m64), have been together fir 9 years married for 5. Things have been good, normal, boring at times even. My bone of contention comes down to where we find ourselves today.

So we met in a pub, hubby is a regular, it was how he was when we met in 2016, so nothing new, he could drink for sure. Now though he has 3 pints, but goes most days straight from work.

17/12/24 my dad died suddenly. We both had time off over that Christmas but he disappeared to the pub, we had no Christmas dinner, nothing. I sat alone as my kids are adults. I did not feel able to be around people being jolly.

Fast forward to Christmas 2025 he goes down the pub again, comes back at 4pm and goes to bed.

This is the story of our daily life, work, pub on his way home, dont want his tea cause his belly is full of lager, then he goes to bed. Sleep rinse repeat. Saturday = pub, early night sleep, Sunday = pub. You get the picture.

I spend every day sat at home, I work 2pm to 10pm 4 days a week. My kids whilst adults are both autistic and my youngest has complex medical needs so joining him is not an option. We got together 2 years before she nearly died so he knows and understands her medical needs. We’ve nearly lost her numerous times since 2018 when she faced death for the first time.

He has never asked how im feeling in relation to losing my dad, only loaned about how much I’ve done to support my elderly step mum navigate life and finances after over 35 years of him doing everything for her.

He has a daughter 2 years younger than my daughter, she has caused so many problems financially and mentally as she navigated her teenage years, rebelling, fighting her mum and step dad, lying, stealing over 9k from us, drugs etc. I have supported her through all of this, stuck by him funding her drug habit, hiding it from me, going against my views on abortion to support her when her mum and dad refused to help. Not letting those issues break us despite me dealing with my own kids issues. We were a family of 5, not 3 and 2, she is as much my daughter as my own and according to him mine are his. The last few years have been easier with her.

Im disabled myself so need to rest, on the spectrum so do struggle to read relationships and be in crowded places. He knew all of this. I get the empty apologies, the promise to change, its going to be different this time, he doesnt want to lose us etc. I am just emotionally done. We dont talk, we dont even argue, cause we barely speak much to fall out. We stopped being intimate ages ago as ivd been through menopause and grief so not the most important thing on my mind, we are emotionally detached. He swears hes not cheating and I do trust him, our town is rife with gossiping so I would be told within a heartbeat.

I have told him how I feel, how im emotionally done. I cannot c9ntine to be second to the pub. I have an appointment with a solicitor this week. I guess I just need to know AIBU here, should I just put up and shit up or is this the end at 51… is this all im worth.

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