Hey Pandas, AITA For Erasing Half The Guest List After My Partner’s Relatives Hijacked Our Wedding?

Moderator’s note:

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My partner and I are getting married early next year. Her parents offered to cover the venue and catering because it’s being held in her family’s hometown abroad. We were extremely grateful, especially because weddings there tend to be large community events.

Originally, the plan was simple. We agreed on a 180 to 200 person max, which already felt huge to me because my side of the family is tiny

Wedding invitations and macarons with calligraphy on a rustic wooden table, highlighting wedding event planning.

Image credits: Mockaroon (not the actual photo)

Most of the guests were supposed to be her relatives and friends, with about 50-60 people coming from our own close circle.

But then things started spiraling.

While her mom’s relatives have been completely respectful and honestly lovely to work with, the older women on her dad’s side took the guest list as some kind of personal project. Specifically, her grandmother and one aunt. Without asking us, they started “confirming” people. At first, it was a few distant cousins. Then cousins of cousins. Then long-lost family friends. And then people my partner didn’t even recognize by name.

We realized something was wrong when the venue coordinator told us the guest list was already full, despite us not having added our friends yet

Wedding invitation card on a table representing boundaries in using a wedding as a community event.

Image credits: Micheile Henderson (not the actual photo)

We opened the spreadsheet and saw entire sections filled with strangers with notes like “must seat with family,” “vegetarian,” or “front row.”

We’re now in a situation where our own guests are being pushed out because of people we have no personal relationship with. It got worse when the aunt started dictating the seating chart, insisting our friends should sit “near the back so the extended family can have better placement.” She even tried reorganizing the wedding party, claiming certain distant relatives “deserved” to walk in.

They even assigned themselves roles. The aunt bought symbolic ceremony items without asking if we wanted those traditions at all

Wooden Mr and Mrs sign hanging outdoors with trees in the background for wedding event and family gathering discussion

Image credits: Micheile Henderson (not the actual photo)

When I said we had planned our own ceremony structure, she told me it “wasn’t my place” because “this is how weddings are done in the family.”

Mind you, neither of these women are paying for anything. Not the venue, not the food, not the decor. My partner’s parents are covering the base cost, but anything beyond 200 guests, we have to pay per head. It’s not cheap either. Every extra seat is more than we can realistically budget for, especially with the band, photography, and a long list of wedding expenses that we are already paying ourselves.

We aren’t wealthy. We’re trying to be smart about money because we just found out my partner is pregnant. Suddenly every extra cost feels ten times heavier

Wedding table set with white linens and floral centerpieces in a sunlit room, highlighting wedding and community event themes.

Image credits: Josua Hunziker (not the actual photo)

I’m flying with her a little earlier to finalize things with the venue, and I’m planning to talk to her aunt and grandmother directly. I want to tell them that the extra guests they invited without permission will be removed from the list. Not because I want drama, but because we literally can’t afford to feed and seat a crowd of people who think of us as a random wedding they were told to attend.

My partner supports this, but she’s worried it will permanently damage the relationship with her dad’s side. I honestly don’t see an alternative. This isn’t their wedding. We aren’t their children. These people they invited won’t be at future events of ours and would never invite us to theirs.

I know uninviting people sucks, but what else are we supposed to do?

Moderator’s note

Please be aware that the images used in this article are illustrative only and do not depict the actual people or events described.

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