There is no universal list of red flags in a partner one should look out for; or run away from the second they see one. However, some things are more likely to be considered red flags by most, even though they might not scare everyone to the same degree.
Members of the ‘AskReddit’ community recently discussed red flags they don’t mind so much in a potential partner. It all started with the user ‘Cerseiriously’ posing the question, and their fellow redditors were open and honest about it. Scroll down to find their answers on the list below and see if you would consider any of these red flags deal breakers yourself.
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"How a man treats his mother is a sign of how he'll treat you so be careful"
Or if he dislikes his mom, doesn't want to help her, be there for her, talks bad about her. It could be because she's horrible and it's just a sign of how she treated him.
Having friends of the opposite sex. I don't understand why people act like it's a big deal.
Someone who’s been single for a long time! I find jumping from partner to partner more concerning. Some people never figure out who they are on their own.
👆🏻This 💯this👆🏻 I'm always bowled over when someone's broken up/divorced after a long term relationship and is dating within a month or two! - whatever happened to taking 50% of the relationship time to process and figure out who you are without them?
Someone who isn't close to their own family. I'm not close with mine, either. I'd actually think it was refreshing to be with someone who understood and felt the same way.
Not having a lot of prior relationships (as an older person). When I met my husband, he was 34 and had had only one serious relationship up until that point which was 15 years prior.
Now I know a lot of people would see that has a waving red flag and think there was something "wrong" with him, but the reality was he was in a male-heavy specialty (engineering college to an engineering job), had a job where he traveled about 90% of the time and, when I met him, had just moved back to the area where he had grown up after being away for over 10 years. None of that was conducive to meeting people or a relationship and, beyond that, he's not a particularly social person or someone who really revels in the company of others, which didn't help.
We met online, we clicked, we started dating, we got married 2 years later and are still married 18 years later.
Thank you! I'm 35 and neurodivergent. I've never had a serious relationship. Not for lack of desire or trying. It just takes a special person to find my quirks cute and not off-putting.
Depression. My misses was in a rough way when we met. I took her under my bubbly delightful wing and pulled her in the right direction. Helping and supporting her every single day it may be tiring at times but s**t I wouldn't trade it for the world. She is amazing I type this as I sit next to her knowing she means everything to me. Damaged goods are fine by me I was damaged at a point in my life but I'm healed and am will to help heal others. My wife is a rock star and the light of my life. Love, listen be patient, and don't be afraid to point out where they goof. People goof often I goof often. A goof is nothing more than water under the bridge.
Back when I was dating, I didn’t mind a girl with a lot of “experience” (Reddit loves using the term body count). If she wanted to be with me after being with lots of other guys, that told me I must be pretty damn good.
I’ve been told my lack of social media is a major turn off and a major red flag. But I find a guy that doesn’t have any social media or very little attractive. It’s all about perspective.
expertlyblended:
Not posting a lot on socials. I used to think the world was ending if my partner didn’t proclaim me as their true and undying love on the internet. It was never that deep. I was just insecure. The people who matter know that we’re together, and that’s all I care about.
Not being ambitious in their careers. They have to be responsible, and ideally financially stable. But at the end of the day, work is just work and doesn't define us, and they can have a lot of other passions in life while just wanting to get by in their careers.
Someone with mental health issues. I basically screened for that when I was dating. Hubs had one depressive episode in his life, meanwhile I struggle a lot with it. But just him having the one episode allows him to know somewhat what I go though and be there for me in a way someone who never experienced depression couldn’t.
Being broke and somewhat dependent. I've never been with someone who had their s**t together perfectly and unless they want me to mommy them, I'm fine with that. I'm also a little behind in life when it comes to career and stuff.
Don't be so hard on yourself, there is no age limit to when we should have met certain milestones. I'm 38 and have just started back in university due to shìtty circumstances. So I'll be over 40 by the time I graduate and hopefully will start my career shortly there after. Screw society, you do you on your own time!
No friends. No family contact. Because those are all the things I’m currently dealing with. By choice. Friends just kind of faded and realized I was the only one putting in effort. And my family is extremely toxic and one-sided. So I would look at it more as a green flag. But in a relationship right now with someone with the opposite of me and sometimes it’s a struggle. But it’s workable.
If you dated someone with no friends then it would be nice to introduce them to yours but I can see how maybe they would want a little too much attention from you. I have a friend and I'm his only other friend and he is constantly texting or inviting me places because he has no one else to invite which can get a little annoying and overwhelming but it might be different if we were in a relationship because I would want to see him more often
Someone who doesn't like dogs / cats/ pets. Some people here would have you believe they're secret psychopaths or something but some people just don't like animals. They could have had a traumatic experience with one while younger or just have a phobia.
I wouldn't call this a green flag, but I wouldn't think they are a psychopath either. In any case, I have had pets all my life, so I personally need an animal lover if we're going to live in the same house.
Like some neighbours that talked about shooting cats. Grown men, fragile, so fragile. No way back from than, for me to have any trust in them. Whether it was "just talk", I don't care. They are still rotten for me. Sick.
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Or like me who is definitely an animal person but currently has two cats that vomit everywhere, have frequent sloppy poos and one went through a territorial phase and is now peeing all over the place. After they die I plan on having a long break from pets. Contrary to how all of this sounds they are healthy cats they just have sensitive tummies and are picky eaters.
I grew up in a house with a lot of pets but I wouldn't say I'm a huge animal fan. I can deal with reptiles and snakes that aren't constantly around you, stay in a tank a lot of the time, dont require much attention but when you want to you can play with them. But dogs are annoying with the amount of attention they need and cats are constantly under your feet. I'm fine when it's someone else's animal then I love to play with the cats and dogs but I just can't live with them
Pets were filling my needs of love, company, someone to take care of. I needed my cat really bad, without even realizing it, before I got pregnant with my first kid. If our precious cat haven't died unexpectedly at 3 years old, I wouldn't give her up. But now I don't feel the need of pet, it's a lot of additional work. I hope someday to have an awesome pet again ❤️
This is definitely a red flag to people who own multiple animals, like myself. I am blessed with two extra floofy cats and a husky :D We're not going to work out if you don't like animals.
I wouldn't call it a "red flag," though, just an incompatibility. A red flag means something tells you that the person has something troubling or potentially dangerous about them (eg. being rude to service people can be a red flag that they're entitled).
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For me personally, this would be a red flag ONLY because I am that weirdo that talks to animals. Matter of fact, I would rather talk to animals more than most humans. Why? Hm...
I admit, the instant I saw the image I didn't read the caption before I exclaimed, "bostons!!" What are we talking about again? hehe...
I am currently babysitting my brother's Boston, he's a dear little thing but he farts worse than greyhounds
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There is a difference between not necessarily wanting to live with/care for animals, and flat out not liking them. It's not an and/or situation. There may be very valid reason(s) for the dislike, which I would need to consider/talk with the person about. But someone who has no reason at all other than "just don't like them" or worse "hate all animals". Yes, that might be a red flag to me that I would need to be cautious of. That doesn't mean someone is a psychopath out the gate, but it would make me wonder about other aspects of them I don't like (or wouldn't like). My experience tells me people who flat out hate animals (with no just cause, no fear, just hatred), do indeed have something wrong with them. But my experience isn't the be all end all of everything.
I love animals a lot, but cats aren't pets I would ever want to have again in my living space for more than a week max. Had dogs for my whole life so far
I recently saw a very popular video of a woman who claimed any man that didn't like cats was because he was a major control freak and to run away. 🤣
Drivel. None of my family like cats, and the only control freak is my mother
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I understand people who are frightened of animals or who didn’t grow up around them, but if you simply dislike them you can’t convince me there’s nothing wrong with you.
I'm thankful for people who adore animals and consider them family and give them all the love they deserve, even though I'm not one of them. I have never liked/enjoyed animals. Taking a step or two back from an overly friendly slobbering dog doesn't mean there is something wrong with me anymore than someone who doesn't like/enjoy kids taking a step or two back from a sticky toddler. I have issues with animal smells, with being licked, with being climbed on/over. I have no desire to take on all the responsibilities of pet ownership. Yes some animals are cute and clever, but I much prefer to look from afar. I don't care to have that interaction. I lack a desire to be around them. I have no past trauma associated with my feelings. But I know I wouldn't be able to give an animal the life it deserved. I did help my distraught neighbour look for their lost cat. I even pulled off the road and grabbed a towel from my trunk to wrap a shivering injured puppy in and laid it in my lap as I drove to a veterinarian office. I just don't have warm gushy feelings for animals that many people do, but I do have empathy and a heart. So I'd like to think there isn't anything wrong with me for feeling this way.
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I don't dislike animals, but I'm not a pet person. I am fairly OCD (my son calls me a psycho with a dust mop) and having pet hair all over just grosses me out. My husband would love a dog, but we live in a condo with no actual yard space. AND - since he goes to work at 0:dark 30 I would be the one who would have to take it out in the morning. Nah.
I have a SIL who has been around dogs her whole life and is crazy about them. The negotiations with my youngest brother, who is NOT a dog person, about how many dogs he could deal with, are pretty funny. He is a fabulous human being who is simply lukewarm at best on the subject of pets. We have another lovely brother who has roommates with three cats that he couldn't care less about it. It is what it is.
Phobia or trauma I can understand, But the saying trust your animal friends is right
I don't have any pets. It doest mean that I don't like them. Pets can be expensive.
I think the word "animal lover" for people who like pets is very misleading. Having a pet is eventually a selfish interest. You have it, because you enjoy the company and to take care of it, not because you're actually helping the animal (except in case of animals from shelters of course). Or are all pet owners vegan? Obviously not.
I don't intend to live with any human person full-time long-term again, so if they intend to spend time at mine, they'll have to be okay with cats being around...
Like, it can be a logistical dealbreaker - I don’t want to share my home with a dog so if someone wants to have a dog, they’re probably best off cohabiting with someone else - but it’s not a MORAL problem.
Not being very communicative or chatty through text. Some people simply aren’t into texting.
I dated a guy who was like that. At first I took his lack of communication and short answers as not being interested… when in reality, he simply wasn’t much of a texter. I just accepted that’s how he was. In person he was great.
Or some people are the opposite. They could write novels with each text, but hate talking in phone.
Being “high maintenance”. I think it all depends on which definition of the phrase you’re going with. I’ve heard it used to describe women who are obsessed with their appearance and take 2 hours to get ready for a night out with hair and makeup. That doesn’t bother me at all. I like to look my best when I go out for the night and I like the woman I’m with to also look her best. Plus I enjoy the time they’re getting ready. I either chill and do stuff I don’t usually have the time to do (video games/YouTube/whatever), or I sit and chat with them while they do their makeup and hair. It’s a nice and peaceful time to unwind together and check in with one another before we go out for the night.
I can be inconsistent at responding to texts and I like people who are the same way. Being glued to your phone and expecting constant communication is unhealthy imo. If it’s urgent, call me!
“Oversharing” and some amount of surface-level emotional instability.
I’ll take someone who is open about and grappling with their feelings and worldview over someone who is trying to bury them. Furthermore, people who are embarrassed by or ashamed of their emotions and are therefore trying to manipulate them rather than address them are likely going to have the same response to *my* emotions as time goes on.
I have found that many people can't handle openness, honesty and truth. They want the false imagery or 'honeymoon' behavior. I am who I am. I've been in recovery for over 30 years now and am used to being around people who value those qualities. 'Normies' tend to freak out a bit when you don't have a hidden agenda and mean what you say.. it's mind blowing.
Self harm scars. As someone who's been there, I personally think it shows immense mental fortitude and strength. It shows that you're a fighter.
IamTheShark:
Can't cook. I prefer to have total management of the kitchen.
dynamicdickpunch:
I'm the same, but with kitchen cleaning. There's my method of cleaning, and then there's all the wrong ones.
As a woman, my friends find it weird that I want to do all of the housework. It's not about old-fashioned values, I just like it.
Someone who needs their space. Maybe a lot of space. I describe my perfect relationship model as a Binary Star system. I've unfortunately found that a lot of men (I'm a woman, fwiw) are a little too protective/possessive or something along those lines to let this work.
A woman with a kid. I'm bias though, met my wife when she had a two year old girl. Been married ten years this week.
Why what's wrong with us women with children? I'd be more worried about men who don't see or pay for their children
A little bit of jealousy. I can deal with it since I can be a little jealous myself.
imnogoodatthisorthat:
I think it’s a normal emotion when you have genuine feelings for someone. Of course, there are acceptable and unacceptable ways of dealing with that emotion. So for me the real red flag is if someone takes it out on me or tries to control me. But in general I like for my partner to be a little (or even a lot) jealous as long as they can deal with it in a healthy way.
Jealousy is fine as long as you talk and say why it made you feel that way but projecting your own insecurity on to someone else is BAD
A certain type of dating history. Everyone has their own style of dating.
For example, Person A has a history of 3-4 year LTR but has never married while Person B doesn't have any relationships beyond 6 months. Person A thinks its a red flag that Person B "can't commit" when the reality is they simply end a relationship they don't see going long-term. On the other side, Person B thinks it is Person A who can't commit based on the fact they have years long relationships but don't progress.
Its all relative to how you compare the persons history to your own style of dating.
Having someone that's meaner than me. My wife will always let the restaurant know when my order is wrong, also we were furniture shopping and she got an extra $800 off by asking if they could go any lower. I don't think I realized before her how costly politeness is.
Having an alternative look. I like piercings and tattoos on a girl. I'm not a fan of the bright colored hair though.
being overly emotional!! i feel like so many people see it as weakness or whatever, but as long as it’s healthy i think it’s really great to be able to express emotions
Absorbed in their hobbies/their work. I love that. Go buck wild, even if it’s obsessive. Also because bruh I have a terrible rest/production ratio. I need someone who understands. LOL
Enjoy your hobbies but not to the point where you neglect other duties and it becomes unhealthy. I used to play the sims and would have emotional breakdowns over them dying lol
Temper. Because I have one too. As long as it’s not abusive - physically or emotionally- I totally get flying off the handle and yelling about s**t sometimes.
Note: this post originally had 52 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
Surprised at myself that I agreed with most of these. Takes all sorts
Depending on the person(s) there are red flags and then there are RED FLAGS.
Surprised at myself that I agreed with most of these. Takes all sorts
Depending on the person(s) there are red flags and then there are RED FLAGS.
