Woman Who Unpopularly Decided To Never Have Children Reflects On It Now That She’s 85 Years Old

Even though an astonishing number of people don’t feel, and have never felt, the urge to become a parent, the pressure to have kids is still tremendous. Any person who has made this profound decision about leading a child-free life can tell you it’s usually met in two different ways. One, people mutter a series of condescending phrases such as “oh” or “you’ll change your mind”. Two, they actually take you seriously and instantly warn you that you’ll be lonely and regret it when you’re old.

Speaking of the latter scenario, one open letter on the ‘Childfree’ subreddit put this notion to bed once and for all. An 85-year-old widow addressed the young people of this community, shared her experience, and proudly stated that she has zero regrets about her choice. Being married for 50 years, she offered her perspective and some validating words of wisdom.

“If I could go back in time, would I do it again? (being childfree), 100% yes. I would live the same life one thousand times,” the woman wrote. Her story sparked a discussion in the comments below, with responses ranging from kudos to appreciation. Scroll down to read the story in full and the reactions that followed.

For some reason, people who decide to lead a childfree life often hear they’ll regret it once they’re old and alone

Image credits: sabinevanerpt (not the actual photo)

So when this 85-year-old widow shared an open letter about her childfree experience, people felt incredibly validated

Image credits: Design_Miss_C  (not the actual photo)

Image credits: widowchildfree

In the past few decades, accusatory statements have started flying around blaming younger generations for having fewer kids than ever. According to the World Economic Forum, fertility rates have steadily decreased worldwide for the last 70 years, with a total 50% decline. Small wonder then, why childfree people are met with resistance from society.

The reasons for people having fewer children are plenty: women’s empowerment, particularly in education and the workforce, lower child mortality rates, and the increased cost of raising children. The dire reality is that kids are expensive in an economy that’s only getting more and more costly. They are a luxury many simply cannot afford.

Aside from these factors, there’s a running trend among childfree individuals to say they opt out of parenthood for no reason in particular. A survey by Pew Research Center found that a majority (56%) of American non-parents younger than 50 said it’s unlikely they will ever have kids simply because they don’t want to, while others reported medical, financial, or environmental reasons.

While everybody has their own motives for staying childfree, unfortunately, those who decide not to have children are still subjected to stigma. This usually stems from the fact that many people are still being raised to follow the usual path of getting an education, a job, a house, a spouse, and, ultimately, children. But as the woman wrote in her letter, it doesn’t have to be this way.

To gain more insight on the topic, we reached out to Erin Spurling, a writer, editor, and founder of Curiously Childfree. She set up this space to build a supportive community where she can leave a mark, advocate for change, help people feel heard and connect with each other.

According to her, sharing experiences with others can definitely help people to feel more confident in their decision. “For women, in particular, we very much have a window of opportunity to have our own biological children, and I think sometimes even those who choose to be childfree can worry about regretting it later,” she told Bored Panda.

“That combined with family and friends (and sometimes strangers) always telling us we will regret it can be a daunting thought. Hearing from someone much older who has chosen the same path as you can be very reassuring.”

Later on, the woman joined the discussion in the comments to clarify a few details

The number of childfree communities is steadily growing. No wonder, as people who consistently deal with social stigma are sick and tired of others telling them reasons they should have kids, how much they’ll rue their decision, or how “selfish” they are for failing to pass along their genes and contribute to society. When friends and family fail them, the internet steps up to offer support.

“Finding like-minded people absolutely helps you to feel safer, better connected, and it helps when handling difficult conversations. It’s exactly the same for us as it is for parents,” Erin said. “Often, parents will be part of mother-and-baby groups, for example, where they can meet people living a similar life and experiences to them.”

“Connecting with childfree people is the same, you both know you have a shared experience, how you are treated in the world is similar, your opinions and struggles are likely to be the same,” she added. “Plus, you know you won’t be judged for your choice or have your opinions dismissed by someone else who is childfree.”

Erin pointed out that, unfortunately, we still live in a world where women can find themselves feeling excluded for having children and equally excluded for not. “It’s a strange combination — damned if we do, damned if we don’t.”

Although there’s an evident change in attitudes where more and more people are starting to respect individuals who are childfree by choice, a long road still lies ahead. “I’d just like to remind anyone who is childfree that they aren’t alone. It might feel like there’s nobody else out there like you, but I promise there is.”

“Make the decisions that are right for you (and your partner if you have one), and remember that many people have wonderful, fulfilling lives without children. You get to decide what a good life looks like for you, just like this brilliant lady did.”

“And as scary as it might feel to be open about being childfree, sometimes taking that step to sharing it with a new acquaintance can give them the courage to share too, and you’ll find you have a new friend,” Erin concluded.

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