Let’s admit it — we all love dad jokes. It’s okay, you can go ahead and say it, I’ll keep your secret safe. We often assume that dad humor solely consists of corny jokes and puns, but in reality, fathers frequently say really funny and witty things that make us genuinely laugh. Also, even the corniest of jokes can be quite enjoyable, and you know it.
Some fathers who really can’t imagine their life without humor took it to Twitter, turning dad humor into a whole category of Twitter jokes. These men may be from different parts of the world, work in different professions, and have different views on life, but one thing that unites them all apart from being fathers is that they have some really funny dad jokes up their sleeve. In fact, there are so many of them, they could even start a competition for the best dad jokes of the day.
For this article, we collected some of the best dad jokes you can find on Twitter. Share them with your friends regardless of their parental status to have a good laugh. Do you know other Twitter dad jokes? We are eager to see them in our comment section.
This post may include affiliate links.
AND, that it also describes a certain kind of person. That could REALLY mess up the kids...!
My standing rule was that anyone who gave my kids musical instruments were the same people at whose houses the instrument would be played at. Youngest is now 15, and so far, zero musical instruments.
I mean, I don't have any kids, but my little brothers week is very similar
I still have to move cups away from the edge of the table and my son is 18 ...
My children and wife wake up each day and immedieately go to the window to look for an Amazon van. When it arrives, I immediately check my bank account online. I think I'll cancel my internet broadband subscription.
22 years ago, on the birth of our first son, the midwife said to my wife, "Don't be squeezing his (me) hand so tight. - You'll hurt him." I have cursed that midwife since then. Equating a sore hand to giving birth has caused me pain for 22 years. I couldn't believe it when she said it. Even my wife stopped srceaming, then turned to give me a look I will never forget.
What they want to say, "yeah genius, but what words b!tch" vs what they actually say "what words, honey"
Oh to have jaws that big. Bringing up my children would have been a breeze. I'd be close to biting sometimes though.
This is why I don't want colleagues with sick kids at my desk. Keep your germs buddy, I can talk to you while you stand in the door.
My dad could never get me to watch footy on tv. One time he did convince me to come to a game (the whole family went) but I spent the whole time reading so he realised it was a waste of money!
As the cool cousin its my job to say watch out and chuckle as i hand them a cookie😎
This child will never be employed in his life. A stay at home dad is his vocation.
Nothing like opening doors and strange noises coming the from the kitchen to make you put your head under the blankets.
Wow! Having flashbacks to the TP incident with Trump and AF1. Did NO ONE think to tell him before he left the house?!
I swear teenagers are abducted by aliens and replaced with machines designed to test a parent's sanity. Eventually, they are allowed to return home, changed but bearable.
That's not revenge. Wait till she moves into her first home, then visit - clear her fridge of food, put your feet up on the sofa and watch one hour of the teletubbies. Make a mess in the bedrooms and have a tantrum when she complains. That's revenge.
And drinking invisible tea frome small plastic cups, whilst eating tasty invisible cookies, saying 'Yum Yum'
Maybe Santa sent a christmas letter this year saying if it was possible to forget milk and instead put out some of that brown liquid in a bottle daddy drinks from.
I had a toddler like that. I had two big dogs that I haven't seen since he turned three.
"The book “G” is for Growing" cites a producer of Sesame Street who refers to Big Bird as a canary. In the series 11 episode, "Mister Rogers Talks about Competition" of the show, Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, Big Bird was asked by King Friday XIII if he was related to the cassowary; he replied, "I'm actually a Golden Condor." On the January 23, 1976 episode of Hollywood Squares, Big Bird was asked what kind of bird he is and said he was a lark, causing host Peter Marshall to crack up. In the film Don't Eat the Pictures, Osiris calls Big Bird an ibis. Zoologist Mike Dickison suggested in his popular Pechakucha talk that Big Bird represents a unique species that evolved from the whooping crane. For decades, Oscar the Grouch has been calling Big Bird a turkey, more as an insult rather than a reference to his species. Big Bird is always described as being flightless."
Heres a hack.... always have pockets filled with fruit snacks
i started cello lessons at 3 and would always find a stupid excuse to leave the room
Been there. My son said the same to one of his enemies. His dad is six feet 10 inches and a perfectly toned six pack. I'm five an a half feet, and have one ab. They live down the street. I'm afraid to leave my house.
Worse - driving for several miles in the dark wondering why passing cars are flashing their lights at you, then realising you forgot to turn your own headlights on.
Translations children know. - 'I'll think about it' means no. 'Maybe' is a definite yes.
I mistakingly took my toddler to a 21st instead of his friends party, and quickly realised I am not fit to be a dad. Especially since I stayed for a few beers.
Lol, my dad won't set foot in an airport, as he is afraid of flying!
my dads nickname for me was “ маленький идиот” and would refer to me as this every time i would do something he didn’t like. claiming to brush my teeth when i didn’t was his least favorite offense
I used to play hide and seek. Was great - I'd tell them to count one thousand. I'd go outside and sit, and laugh at how many times they went back to 1.
or get a full gallon of milk and start to pour ... heart pounding ... please don't spill ... please don't spill
Honestly, there's so many similarities between toddlers and drunks, it's almost not funny.
I think teachers just assume all kids are lying if they don't bring evidence. My kids have told their teachers I don't feed them, their brother killed their dreams, they aren't allowed to go to the doctor (that one was because she is a hypochondriac and I couldn't make the appointment the same day that she got a bruise).
Swings and roundabouts - Cheques - both ancient and contemporary. My sons don't even know what they are however, and they are in their 20s. They have never heard of a 4 inch floppy disk. - This was high level recording tech when I went to university in the 90s.
Raising my children mean't preparing 5 different meals, just to make sure everyone was getting something to eat. All parents live with, 'But I don't like ....'
Why is it that the food they wouldn't eat as a toddlers but as teenagers vanishes minutes after it is stored?
You are lucky. I spent one week painting the interior of my whole house. When I was finished, I woke up one morning shortly after to find that my youngest son got some paint and brushes and thought he was Picasso. Have you ever seen Picasso artwork? He would have been astonished at my son's efforts.
Myself and my wife fought more after our second kid. We could have a 3am converstion, (loudly) using only three words. 'IT'S YOUR TURN.'
I have a packet of drawings from my preschool years wherein I apparently wished to become a "melon seller" when I grew up, whatever that entailed to my toddler brain. I had many illustrations of a crude humanoid figure (presumably myself) holding up vaguely-circular green blobs (presumably melons). I am 41 now. I did not become a melon seller. Perhaps this is why I am so unhappy with life XD
I named my right foot dav, insisted it was my left one, and didn’t name my left foot lmao
I've been teaching my little (23) sister to drive. She has been doing really well for the most part, but last Sunday night she was dreadful- both tired and her ADHD meds had worn off!
