Tumblr Users Explain Why Parents Should Stop Praising Children That Obey
From changing diapers daily to making sure the lunch is packed and nutritious, parenting is one hell of a job what seems to have no end. And while the physical tasks are demanding, there is a much bigger underlying issue in the entire process. How to raise your child mentally? How to make sure they turn out ok? How to give them freedom without making them reckless and lawless? Some parents believe in strict discipline, including corporal punishment, that’s been highly debated between different groups. And while many have a strong stance against physical punishment when it comes to disciplining a child, a lot more seem lenient to other means in keeping children submissive.
One Tumblr user dragon-in-a-fez, who is currently acquiring their PhD in childhood studies, decided to share their thoughts on the issue. They have connected the problem of violence against children with society’s idea that all children must be obedient.
One Tumblr user decided to share their thoughts on why expecting a child to be obedient can lead to violence against children
Image credits: maxpixel
The author of the original post argues that we, as a society and individuals in everyday situations, should discourage parents from dominant behaviour. According to them, we should also stop praising children for being submissive as “perpetuating the idea that children are morally obligated to be submissive primes them for abuse,” says the author.
Here’s the discussion that followed the initial post
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I have three children who have always been respectful and polite, especially in public. I have noticed over the years its is always the people who are so impressed over their manners, that do a complete turn about as soon as they realize they are well mannered because they want to be, not because they fear me. I have received so many lectures over the years from these people about how I shouldnt have to explain why something is the way it is, and how they should just snap to attention like mindless puppets at my word. Why they dont understand that its those conversations that make them want to use those good manners that were so impressive in the first place, I will never know.
The thought of this makes me feel almost physically sick. Don’t they understand that children are people? Who will grow up? I’m glad to hear that you’ve done well. Thank you for raising your children right.
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My parents never spanked me or my brother, and we both turned out just fine. My parents endeavored to make the punishment fit the crime - for example, if I scribbled on the kitchen wall I had to clean it off. My father especially reasoned with me and treated me like an intelligent human being.
Not "like"an intelligent human being, but "because you are" an intelligent human being. Every child is a human being with the right to be treated with respect
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This post is all over the place, I'm with you on not bullying kids but the parents need to be the alpha in the child parent relationship in order to protect the child, if you take this everyone has an equal status approach, then you're going to find yourself in dangerous situations having to debate with your child why they should not be running across a road, wondering off in a supermarket by themselves or sticking their hand out of a moving vehicle, in those moments you do not have time to explain yourself and allow for your child's creative expression, they simply need to listen. We are all born with selfish impulses it often takes good parenting to make us aware of the needs of other, teaching a child to share for example or not making a hugh amount of noise in public, these things need to be taught.
The thing is, children ARE equal. Parents are there to guide them through life, to teach them safety and experience and how to be a good person. If you treat your child with love and respect, then they won't really question you when you say "Running into the road will kill you." There are certain situations that you need to protect them even if it hurts their feelings - but that's not exclusive to parenting; it's what you need to do with everyone.
Load More Replies...
I have three children who have always been respectful and polite, especially in public. I have noticed over the years its is always the people who are so impressed over their manners, that do a complete turn about as soon as they realize they are well mannered because they want to be, not because they fear me. I have received so many lectures over the years from these people about how I shouldnt have to explain why something is the way it is, and how they should just snap to attention like mindless puppets at my word. Why they dont understand that its those conversations that make them want to use those good manners that were so impressive in the first place, I will never know.
The thought of this makes me feel almost physically sick. Don’t they understand that children are people? Who will grow up? I’m glad to hear that you’ve done well. Thank you for raising your children right.
Load More Replies... My parents never spanked me or my brother, and we both turned out just fine. My parents endeavored to make the punishment fit the crime - for example, if I scribbled on the kitchen wall I had to clean it off. My father especially reasoned with me and treated me like an intelligent human being.
Not "like"an intelligent human being, but "because you are" an intelligent human being. Every child is a human being with the right to be treated with respect
Load More Replies... This post is all over the place, I'm with you on not bullying kids but the parents need to be the alpha in the child parent relationship in order to protect the child, if you take this everyone has an equal status approach, then you're going to find yourself in dangerous situations having to debate with your child why they should not be running across a road, wondering off in a supermarket by themselves or sticking their hand out of a moving vehicle, in those moments you do not have time to explain yourself and allow for your child's creative expression, they simply need to listen. We are all born with selfish impulses it often takes good parenting to make us aware of the needs of other, teaching a child to share for example or not making a hugh amount of noise in public, these things need to be taught.
The thing is, children ARE equal. Parents are there to guide them through life, to teach them safety and experience and how to be a good person. If you treat your child with love and respect, then they won't really question you when you say "Running into the road will kill you." There are certain situations that you need to protect them even if it hurts their feelings - but that's not exclusive to parenting; it's what you need to do with everyone.
Load More Replies...
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