Millennials have stopped spending money on houses, motorcycles, and dates at expensive restaurants, and the world is falling apart because of it.


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After decades of comfortable income, the hard-working CEOs of countless major industries are suffering serious losses due to a disturbing rise in social consciousness and financial awareness among today’s young adults. A shocking wave of reports by Business Insider shows a direct connection between the shameless frugality of millennials, and the slow decline of vital industries such as golf, napkins, and Buffalo Wild Wings. They’re even refusing credit cards now. Don’t they know debt is just a part of life?

Society as we know it is crumbling at our feet, and all these morally depraved hipsters can do is gripe about ‘living wages’ and ‘local businesses.’ Why can’t they just be good little spenders like their parents were? For the companies these heathens are selfishly dismantling, there’s nothing left to do but desperately market the products they’ve always sold, and hope that someday soon, the millennials will come back to the light.

And how did these ‘killer’ millennials respond to it all?