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“You Can’t Unsee It”: Woman Shares One Problematic Trait She Believes All Men Share
“Men don’t grow up, they just get bigger.” “Boys will be boys.” These familiar quotes cynically suggest that men don’t achieve emotional maturity as they age. While it isn’t true of the entire male population, many carry this undesirable trait that appears to have driven their partners up the wall.
This woman seemed to have met her fair share of immature men, which led her to post a rather lengthy rant online. She pointed out behaviors such as weaponized incompetence, various forms of gaslighting, and a seeming inability to communicate effectively.
Her post created quite a discussion, as many other women shared their experiences.
RELATED:
Some men can be difficult romantic partners
Image credits: volodymyr-t/Freepik (not the actual photo)
This woman wrote about these challenges in a lengthy post, pointing out the male traits she finds problematic
Image credits: simonapillola/Freepik (not the actual photo)
She shared her personal experiences, as well as the issues some of her friends encountered
Image credits: Freepik (not the actual photo)
She ended her post by venting her frustrations
Image credits: Skyobli
Fear of commitment is one typical cause of Peter Pan Syndrome
Most of the traits the woman described in her post are signs of Peter Pan Syndrome. As the name suggests, it’s a behavior typically associated with men, in which they seem to struggle to effectively transition into adulthood.
Some of its manifestations may include difficulty accepting responsibility, blaming others for their problems, and an inability to express emotions.
That then begs the question, what causes this annoying behavior? According to psychologist Dr. Mark Travers, one of them is the fear of commitment.
“For some, commitment feels less like a meaningful connection and more like a loss of freedom,” Dr. Travers wrote in an article for Forbes. He adds that this reluctance to commit may stem from a deep-seated fear of being tied down to one person, along with their desire to keep their options open.
Image credits: Stockbusters/Freepik (not the actual photo)
Dr. Travers also noted that people who struggle with Peter Pan Syndrome may avoid serious conversations about the future, while also keeping themselves away from major obligations. He adds that these people will instead prefer “undefined” relationships where there is intimacy but without the responsibility that comes with it.
According to the Gottman Institute, unhealthy relationships are a typical outcome of immaturity from one partner, in this case, men. Contempt is another side effect, and what was described as the “#1 predictor” of breakups.
If you’re a woman dealing with an immature man as a partner, licensed psychotherapist Dr. Marni Feuerman advises being honest with yourself about whether your needs are being met.
“If your partner is unwilling to do the work they need to do to become a more mature and emotionally available partner, you might find that the relationship is no longer healthy or satisfying for you,” Dr. Feuerman wrote.
Many people in the comments sympathized with her and shared similar experiences
Others shared candid opinions
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What do you think ?
Andi 1 month ago
You know what - i have several male friends who live alone and some of their houses are almost psychotically immaculate, some very comfortable and uncluttered by unnecessary stuff like cushions and nick knacks (including candles), some a bit soulless and just functional, and some are in a state no women (and some men) couldn't put up with , and you know what? They are all fine. We may find our own level, and its this clash that causes issues. Worst case scenario - it may not be your way and never will be, but do it for her ( or him Steve!)
FreeTheUnicorn 1 month ago
Upgrade the friends and the partners this isn't normal in 2025. You'd think from the way it comes up on Reddit that manipulating partners into do stuff and leaving all the unpleasant chores for your partner are both normal behaviour I've got two close knit friend groups and the only relationship that was anything close to this was openly criticised and now they are divorced. Not over chores but manipulation is the sign of a toxic relationship, so it was always going to fail. Don't dare me who don't respect you, don't hang out with women who don't care if they are respected as long as they get whatever chore done. I know this was common in older generations but if you're under 50, and this is what you see, you're just spending time with people who don't value others. Upgrade your circle.
Disgruntled Panda 1 month ago
Maybe going against the grain but I am convinced upbringing has such a lot to do with it, and mothers are just as much to blame. I'm a woman, but my brotger and I were never allowed to participate in the household because "we'd just get in the way". Now in our marriage the roles are reversed compared to the article. I cannot explain how stressful I find it to realise I have yet again not done my fair share and get paralysed when I want to do extra chores because I might mess up my husband's schedule. Just wanted to give a different perspective, please be kind ❤️
Trillian 1 month ago
Of course it does. But way too many people say 'boys will be boys' and let them get away with it.
Load More Replies...
Strack Attack 3 weeks ago
Or maybe men should stop being incompetent man children, and grow up?!
Load More Replies...
Scott Rackley 1 month ago
Sounds like you have s****y taste in men. Try changing the batteries in your man finder.
Irene Bucior 1 month ago
This was my first husband, for 34 years. Before signing our divorce papers, he looked at me and said, “ are you sure you want to do this?” I yelled, “YESTERDAY!” I’m now married for nine years to a man who vaccuums, does the laundry ( all of it), cooks about half our meals and tells me how much he loves me every day. I attribute this to his upbringing, taught to care for himself and others. He also talks to his 96 year old mother every day. I thank Gd every day for him. They are out there, but look at his values and morals.
UKDeek 1 month ago
I'm not suprised that this is common behaviour in some places, especially given the current obsession with "trad lives". The rise of manfulencers and the alpha male mentality only fuels this perception by some men that their female partners should do all the work. However, saying all men are like this because OP has only encoutered males in her life that do this is no basis for the generalised and sweeping statements.
tori Ohno 1 month ago
There's no way so many men are that good at lying for the whole time they're dating before marriage. There's got to be signs that he's a lazy misogynist. Right? Or are they really that good at faking it until after marriage? I know wife beaters can hide it until marriage, maybe lazy bums can too?
Remi Flynne 1 month ago
My mother didn't believe her mother-in-law to be, that the man she was just about to marry sulked. Turned out my dad was a grade A sulker - he would go months refusing to speak to me, for example (when I was a child). Some people are very good at hiding who they really are so see no reason why lazy bums can't too. Sadly.
Load More Replies...
Kelly Scott 1 month ago
Why do women put up with this c**p? One of my coworkers got married and not a month later, she was complaining because he left his clothes all over the floor. I finally got tired of listening to her whine and told her she actually had some choices in this situation. 1) She could get used to clothes on the floor and quit letting it bother her. 2) She could get a divorce. 3) She could resign herself to always picking up after her husband. Or 4) She could grab him by the collar, look him in the eye and tell him to pick his clothes up if he didn't want to dig them out of the garbage. Then FOLLOW THROUGH and trash any item of clothing this man threw on the floor until he had none left to wear. She decided to do none of these things and she's probably still complaining to this day. All I could get from this is that she enjoys being a martyr and likes having something to complain about. No wonder her husband doesn't take her seriously.
AlithenewMC 1 month ago
These posts make me so happy I have a real man for my husband- someone who treats our life as a partnership and tries his best for his family. My sons are learning by example that gender doesn't matter when it comes to household responsibility or childcare, and they're being taught how to do age-appropriate chores so they don't become someone else's budern when they're adults. We have muscommunications, of course, but ultimately are able to talk them out with respect. HOWEVER, I'm not one who is overly nice when he/the boys are being obtuse. I see a lot of women (online and in real life) doing what this author writes about- rephrasing, soft tones, extra compliments, etc. There's no reason for that after the first couple of asks. I'm not one for yelling, but I will be blunt and harsh and not put up with dumb excuses. Stop worrying about being a nag or a b*tch or whatever. What are they going to do? Leave? Good riddance. You have half the mess to clean now.
FreeTheUnicorn 1 month ago
Laziness/inertia isn't a gendered thing, she thinks it's men because she's only dating men, and boring ones at that. Go be interesting, spend time on causes or hobbies you'll meet interesting, similarly motivated and engaged people. Maybe you'll date maybe not, but if everyone you date is boring and lazy, the common denominator is you, so change your own habits
Gracie Mae 1 month ago
I have found that weaponized incompetence works both ways, and I will see it and raise it to a new level. I once asked a man to simply clean up after himself...he laughed in my face, said 'yeah, ok' and walked off. That's how he wanted to play it? No problem... For years I tried the 'I cook, you clean' but it never happened. After having him laugh in my face, that was the last straw. I quit cooking for him. I don't mind cooking for one. Or I'd cook foods I knew he didn't like, and he was very picky, which had previously kept me from enjoying certain foods that I liked. No more. I washed the dishes I dirtied and let the ones he dirtied pile up. It was just the 2 of us, so I didn't worry about setting a bad example for kids. It took a while, but he finally caught on; it was a long and aggravating row to h*e, but mission was mostly accomplished!
Lee Gilliland 1 month ago
I have been in the military, and when I was in, it was 80% male. Things were kept spotless. You could eat off barracks floors. The idea men can't possibly do housework is ridiculous.
CP 1 month ago
Our society is failing men right now. This feels similar to the incel problem. We are a social species, but our society seems to teach men to be islands and fear change. This speaks to the problem I see with nuclear families too. Sadly our patriarchal society only listens to these same men pretending there isn't a problem.
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 1 month ago
So she routinely picks the wrong men, but the problem is all men? I'm a man. I do all the cooking, I walk the dogs, I do most of the looking after the horses, I do more of the caregiving of our granddaughter whose mother is a single parent. Good, hardworking men are out there. If she's routinely having the same problem, then her choice of men is part of the problem. Don't waste time with wastes of time.
Remi Flynne 1 month ago
My husband is fantastic, does his fair share in the home (more often enough if I'm in pain) and he works full time (I help run our business). He's supportive, kind, generous, funny. My friends keep telling me he's unusual which says something about the men they've spent time with. There ARE plenty of good men out there.
Load More Replies...
SlothyK8 1 month ago
I've been going through this for years. When my spouse retired 2+ years ago they promised to clean the house and cook meals while I continued to work. Guess what happened? Yeah. The time is near where I'm going to have to decide whether to accept the responsibility or leave. It breaks my heart, but I'm tired of this s**t.
Janet C 1 month ago
It took three tries but I finally found an actual adult man. He does at least 50% of everything, including often going to the store ALL BY HIMSELF (and without calling or texting me even once!). He does his share of cleaning, cooking, and laundry. I never have to ask and he does it to a decent standard that I don't feel a need to redo it. Because he's an actual functioning adult who respects and appreciates me as a partner and not a bangmaid.
PenguinEmp 1 month ago
Married 20+. There is no such thing as equal. There is however such thing as compromise. I do dishes and sink and counter? She vacs. I vac? She does whatever the equivalent of the effort is. Same with me. She does a bunch of back breaking laundry? I scrub the bathroom everything. That and s*x and being appreciated all help in a happy manner. I see this woman here and she said it's happening a bunch in her life. If she talked to me that way? I wouldn't do anything either.
Bartlet for world domination 1 month ago
I just match the energy. He cooks, I clean the bathroom. He shops, I put out the trash. He doesn't do anything else, the floors are filthy.
Black Cat 1 month ago
Single women thrive. Single men generally dont. Its a huge generalization, but true in most cases. Why the hell do women put up with it? You're better off (not to mention safer) on your own. Men won't do housework because they think it's beneath them. Women are also beneath them ie inherently inferior, ergo, they should do any and all housework, child care etc. They won't spell it out because then they won't get laid. Most men don't see women as equals, they see us as here solely for their benefit and to make their lives better. I think most men see women not as human but as a resource. But again they won't explicitly say anything because that resource can and would deny them s*x.
CP 1 month ago
It is only anecdotal, but I thrived after my divorce. My ex-wife was k*****g my mental health.
Load More Replies...
lenka 1 month ago
They are out there :-) I found an amazing one. Be discerning and be clear about your expectations.
Load More Replies... Andi 1 month ago
You know what - i have several male friends who live alone and some of their houses are almost psychotically immaculate, some very comfortable and uncluttered by unnecessary stuff like cushions and nick knacks (including candles), some a bit soulless and just functional, and some are in a state no women (and some men) couldn't put up with , and you know what? They are all fine. We may find our own level, and its this clash that causes issues. Worst case scenario - it may not be your way and never will be, but do it for her ( or him Steve!)
FreeTheUnicorn 1 month ago
Upgrade the friends and the partners this isn't normal in 2025. You'd think from the way it comes up on Reddit that manipulating partners into do stuff and leaving all the unpleasant chores for your partner are both normal behaviour I've got two close knit friend groups and the only relationship that was anything close to this was openly criticised and now they are divorced. Not over chores but manipulation is the sign of a toxic relationship, so it was always going to fail. Don't dare me who don't respect you, don't hang out with women who don't care if they are respected as long as they get whatever chore done. I know this was common in older generations but if you're under 50, and this is what you see, you're just spending time with people who don't value others. Upgrade your circle.
Disgruntled Panda 1 month ago
Maybe going against the grain but I am convinced upbringing has such a lot to do with it, and mothers are just as much to blame. I'm a woman, but my brotger and I were never allowed to participate in the household because "we'd just get in the way". Now in our marriage the roles are reversed compared to the article. I cannot explain how stressful I find it to realise I have yet again not done my fair share and get paralysed when I want to do extra chores because I might mess up my husband's schedule. Just wanted to give a different perspective, please be kind ❤️
Trillian 1 month ago
Of course it does. But way too many people say 'boys will be boys' and let them get away with it.
Load More Replies... Strack Attack 3 weeks ago
Or maybe men should stop being incompetent man children, and grow up?!
Load More Replies... Scott Rackley 1 month ago
Sounds like you have s****y taste in men. Try changing the batteries in your man finder.
Irene Bucior 1 month ago
This was my first husband, for 34 years. Before signing our divorce papers, he looked at me and said, “ are you sure you want to do this?” I yelled, “YESTERDAY!” I’m now married for nine years to a man who vaccuums, does the laundry ( all of it), cooks about half our meals and tells me how much he loves me every day. I attribute this to his upbringing, taught to care for himself and others. He also talks to his 96 year old mother every day. I thank Gd every day for him. They are out there, but look at his values and morals.
UKDeek 1 month ago
I'm not suprised that this is common behaviour in some places, especially given the current obsession with "trad lives". The rise of manfulencers and the alpha male mentality only fuels this perception by some men that their female partners should do all the work. However, saying all men are like this because OP has only encoutered males in her life that do this is no basis for the generalised and sweeping statements.
tori Ohno 1 month ago
There's no way so many men are that good at lying for the whole time they're dating before marriage. There's got to be signs that he's a lazy misogynist. Right? Or are they really that good at faking it until after marriage? I know wife beaters can hide it until marriage, maybe lazy bums can too?
Remi Flynne 1 month ago
My mother didn't believe her mother-in-law to be, that the man she was just about to marry sulked. Turned out my dad was a grade A sulker - he would go months refusing to speak to me, for example (when I was a child). Some people are very good at hiding who they really are so see no reason why lazy bums can't too. Sadly.
Load More Replies... Kelly Scott 1 month ago
Why do women put up with this c**p? One of my coworkers got married and not a month later, she was complaining because he left his clothes all over the floor. I finally got tired of listening to her whine and told her she actually had some choices in this situation. 1) She could get used to clothes on the floor and quit letting it bother her. 2) She could get a divorce. 3) She could resign herself to always picking up after her husband. Or 4) She could grab him by the collar, look him in the eye and tell him to pick his clothes up if he didn't want to dig them out of the garbage. Then FOLLOW THROUGH and trash any item of clothing this man threw on the floor until he had none left to wear. She decided to do none of these things and she's probably still complaining to this day. All I could get from this is that she enjoys being a martyr and likes having something to complain about. No wonder her husband doesn't take her seriously.
AlithenewMC 1 month ago
These posts make me so happy I have a real man for my husband- someone who treats our life as a partnership and tries his best for his family. My sons are learning by example that gender doesn't matter when it comes to household responsibility or childcare, and they're being taught how to do age-appropriate chores so they don't become someone else's budern when they're adults. We have muscommunications, of course, but ultimately are able to talk them out with respect. HOWEVER, I'm not one who is overly nice when he/the boys are being obtuse. I see a lot of women (online and in real life) doing what this author writes about- rephrasing, soft tones, extra compliments, etc. There's no reason for that after the first couple of asks. I'm not one for yelling, but I will be blunt and harsh and not put up with dumb excuses. Stop worrying about being a nag or a b*tch or whatever. What are they going to do? Leave? Good riddance. You have half the mess to clean now.
FreeTheUnicorn 1 month ago
Laziness/inertia isn't a gendered thing, she thinks it's men because she's only dating men, and boring ones at that. Go be interesting, spend time on causes or hobbies you'll meet interesting, similarly motivated and engaged people. Maybe you'll date maybe not, but if everyone you date is boring and lazy, the common denominator is you, so change your own habits
Gracie Mae 1 month ago
I have found that weaponized incompetence works both ways, and I will see it and raise it to a new level. I once asked a man to simply clean up after himself...he laughed in my face, said 'yeah, ok' and walked off. That's how he wanted to play it? No problem... For years I tried the 'I cook, you clean' but it never happened. After having him laugh in my face, that was the last straw. I quit cooking for him. I don't mind cooking for one. Or I'd cook foods I knew he didn't like, and he was very picky, which had previously kept me from enjoying certain foods that I liked. No more. I washed the dishes I dirtied and let the ones he dirtied pile up. It was just the 2 of us, so I didn't worry about setting a bad example for kids. It took a while, but he finally caught on; it was a long and aggravating row to h*e, but mission was mostly accomplished!
Lee Gilliland 1 month ago
I have been in the military, and when I was in, it was 80% male. Things were kept spotless. You could eat off barracks floors. The idea men can't possibly do housework is ridiculous.
CP 1 month ago
Our society is failing men right now. This feels similar to the incel problem. We are a social species, but our society seems to teach men to be islands and fear change. This speaks to the problem I see with nuclear families too. Sadly our patriarchal society only listens to these same men pretending there isn't a problem.
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 1 month ago
So she routinely picks the wrong men, but the problem is all men? I'm a man. I do all the cooking, I walk the dogs, I do most of the looking after the horses, I do more of the caregiving of our granddaughter whose mother is a single parent. Good, hardworking men are out there. If she's routinely having the same problem, then her choice of men is part of the problem. Don't waste time with wastes of time.
Remi Flynne 1 month ago
My husband is fantastic, does his fair share in the home (more often enough if I'm in pain) and he works full time (I help run our business). He's supportive, kind, generous, funny. My friends keep telling me he's unusual which says something about the men they've spent time with. There ARE plenty of good men out there.
Load More Replies... SlothyK8 1 month ago
I've been going through this for years. When my spouse retired 2+ years ago they promised to clean the house and cook meals while I continued to work. Guess what happened? Yeah. The time is near where I'm going to have to decide whether to accept the responsibility or leave. It breaks my heart, but I'm tired of this s**t.
Janet C 1 month ago
It took three tries but I finally found an actual adult man. He does at least 50% of everything, including often going to the store ALL BY HIMSELF (and without calling or texting me even once!). He does his share of cleaning, cooking, and laundry. I never have to ask and he does it to a decent standard that I don't feel a need to redo it. Because he's an actual functioning adult who respects and appreciates me as a partner and not a bangmaid.
PenguinEmp 1 month ago
Married 20+. There is no such thing as equal. There is however such thing as compromise. I do dishes and sink and counter? She vacs. I vac? She does whatever the equivalent of the effort is. Same with me. She does a bunch of back breaking laundry? I scrub the bathroom everything. That and s*x and being appreciated all help in a happy manner. I see this woman here and she said it's happening a bunch in her life. If she talked to me that way? I wouldn't do anything either.
Bartlet for world domination 1 month ago
I just match the energy. He cooks, I clean the bathroom. He shops, I put out the trash. He doesn't do anything else, the floors are filthy.
Black Cat 1 month ago
Single women thrive. Single men generally dont. Its a huge generalization, but true in most cases. Why the hell do women put up with it? You're better off (not to mention safer) on your own. Men won't do housework because they think it's beneath them. Women are also beneath them ie inherently inferior, ergo, they should do any and all housework, child care etc. They won't spell it out because then they won't get laid. Most men don't see women as equals, they see us as here solely for their benefit and to make their lives better. I think most men see women not as human but as a resource. But again they won't explicitly say anything because that resource can and would deny them s*x.
CP 1 month ago
It is only anecdotal, but I thrived after my divorce. My ex-wife was k*****g my mental health.
Load More Replies... lenka 1 month ago
They are out there :-) I found an amazing one. Be discerning and be clear about your expectations.
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