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“You Can’t Unsee It”: Woman Shares One Problematic Trait She Believes All Men Share
Single woman sitting at kitchen counter with coffee, feeling tired and frustrated reflecting on men in relationships patterns.
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“You Can’t Unsee It”: Woman Shares One Problematic Trait She Believes All Men Share

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“Men don’t grow up, they just get bigger.” “Boys will be boys.” These familiar quotes cynically suggest that men don’t achieve emotional maturity as they age. While it isn’t true of the entire male population, many carry this undesirable trait that appears to have driven their partners up the wall. 

This woman seemed to have met her fair share of immature men, which led her to post a rather lengthy rant online. She pointed out behaviors such as weaponized incompetence, various forms of gaslighting, and a seeming inability to communicate effectively. 

Her post created quite a discussion, as many other women shared their experiences. 

RELATED:

    Some men can be difficult romantic partners

    Single woman sitting in kitchen looking tired and stressed, reflecting on patterns men in relationships follow.

    Image credits: volodymyr-t/Freepik (not the actual photo)

    This woman wrote about these challenges in a lengthy post, pointing out the male traits she finds problematic

    Text excerpt discussing frustration of single woman noticing a pattern men in relationships follow when doing chores and seeking help.

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    Text excerpt discussing communication issues and patterns men in relationships often follow, from a single woman's perspective.

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    Text excerpt about noticing a pattern men in relationships follow, shared by a single woman reflecting on friends and family.

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    Text quote on a white background discussing relationships and communication experts among women.

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    Image credits: simonapillola/Freepik (not the actual photo)

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    She shared her personal experiences, as well as the issues some of her friends encountered

    Text describing a pattern men in relationships follow, highlighting defensiveness and misunderstandings.

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    Text excerpt about the illusion of a good conversation in relationships, highlighting repeated patterns men follow.

    Text excerpt describing a tired single woman noticing a pattern men follow in relationships involving unmet chore promises.

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    Alt text: Text about feeling tired of deceit and wanting shared responsibility in relationships, highlighting patterns men follow.

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    Text about friends changing their way of speaking to get men in relationships to do chores thoroughly, reflecting relationship patterns.

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    Text excerpt about men in relationships avoiding chores, illustrating a pattern single women notice in relationship dynamics.

    Text discussing the pattern men in relationships follow, mentioning excessive pleases and thank yous without appreciation.

    Single woman tired and frustrated, reflecting on the pattern men in relationships often follow, sitting indoors.

    Image credits: Freepik (not the actual photo)

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    She ended her post by venting her frustrations

    Text image showing frustration about women bending over backwards and earning a psychology degree for minimum effort in relationships.

    Alt text: Frustrated single woman reflecting on the pattern men in relationships follow with tired communication habits

    Single woman reflecting on the pattern men in relationships follow, seeking emotionally mature partners.

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    Text excerpt showing a quote about men in relationships flipping communication skills into insults, highlighting relationship patterns.

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    Text expressing frustration over men's lack of communication and effort in relationships, seen by a single woman.

    Text image showing the quote No. Nothing. Because they don’t want to, reflecting patterns men in relationships follow.

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    Fear of commitment is one typical cause of Peter Pan Syndrome

    Most of the traits the woman described in her post are signs of Peter Pan Syndrome. As the name suggests, it’s a behavior typically associated with men, in which they seem to struggle to effectively transition into adulthood. 

    Some of its manifestations may include difficulty accepting responsibility, blaming others for their problems, and an inability to express emotions. 

    That then begs the question, what causes this annoying behavior? According to psychologist Dr. Mark Travers, one of them is the fear of commitment. 

    “For some, commitment feels less like a meaningful connection and more like a loss of freedom,” Dr. Travers wrote in an article for Forbes. He adds that this reluctance to commit may stem from a deep-seated fear of being tied down to one person, along with their desire to keep their options open. 

    Young man and woman sitting on a couch drinking coffee, illustrating the pattern men in relationships often follow.

    Image credits: Stockbusters/Freepik (not the actual photo)

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    Dr. Travers also noted that people who struggle with Peter Pan Syndrome may avoid serious conversations about the future, while also keeping themselves away from major obligations. He adds that these people will instead prefer “undefined” relationships where there is intimacy but without the responsibility that comes with it. 

    According to the Gottman Institute, unhealthy relationships are a typical outcome of immaturity from one partner, in this case, men. Contempt is another side effect, and what was described as the “#1 predictor” of breakups. 

    If you’re a woman dealing with an immature man as a partner, licensed psychotherapist Dr. Marni Feuerman advises being honest with yourself about whether your needs are being met. 

    “If your partner is unwilling to do the work they need to do to become a more mature and emotionally available partner, you might find that the relationship is no longer healthy or satisfying for you,” Dr. Feuerman wrote

    Many people in the comments sympathized with her and shared similar experiences

    Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing communication challenges in relationships and patterns men in relationships follow.

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    Single woman expresses exhaustion and frustration with the pattern men in relationships follow in communication and effort.

    Text excerpt about exhaustion and relational patterns men follow, highlighting emotional risk and breakup dynamics in relationships.

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    Reddit conversation about single woman noticing the pattern men in relationships follow regarding ADHD and responsibility.

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    Screenshot of Reddit comments discussing patterns men in relationships follow and reactions to being confronted about it.

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    Alt text: Single woman discusses tired pattern men in relationships follow including emotional cosplaying and unchanged behavior.

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    Reddit comments discussing patterns men in relationships follow and frustrations from a single woman's perspective.

    Reddit comment reflecting on patterns men in relationships follow and the challenges of interpersonal communication.

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    Others shared candid opinions

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    Comment from LeisurelyHyacinth246 about men’s attitudes toward daily housekeeping and relationship patterns.

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    Comment explaining how men in relationships expect women to do all the work, revealing a common pattern single women observe.

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    Screenshot of a Reddit comment from user malibupop expressing shared experience about patterns men follow in relationships.

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    Reddit comment about relationship patterns, expressing frustration with men’s behavior in relationships from a single woman’s view.

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    Comment on relationship patterns, highlighting communication issues men in relationships often face according to a single woman’s perspective.

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    Alt text: Screenshot of a comment discussing perceived lower standards for men in relationships and the pattern they follow.

    Comment on relationship patterns by a single woman, expressing frustration and choosing independence over marriage.

    Comment discussing the pattern men in relationships follow and how both men and women need to change behavior.

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    Alt text: Woman reflecting on the pattern men in relationships follow, sharing her experience of frustration and realization.

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    Screenshot of a Reddit comment by a single woman expressing frustration with patterns men in relationships follow.

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    Alt text: Comment discussing patterns men in relationships follow and emphasizing the need for women to be more direct about standards.

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    Miguel Ordoñez

    Miguel Ordoñez

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

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    Struggling writer by day. Frustrated jazz drummer by night. Space Cowboy 24/7.

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    Miguel Ordoñez

    Miguel Ordoñez

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Struggling writer by day. Frustrated jazz drummer by night. Space Cowboy 24/7.

    Ilona Baliūnaitė

    Ilona Baliūnaitė

    Author, BoredPanda staff

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    I'm a Visual Editor at Bored Panda since 2017. I've searched through a multitude of images to create over 2000 diverse posts on a wide range of topics. I love memes, funny, and cute stuff, but I'm also into social issues topics. Despite my background in communication, my heart belongs to visual media, especially photography. When I'm not at my desk, you're likely to find me in the streets with my camera, checking out cool exhibitions, watching a movie at the cinema or just chilling with a coffee in a cozy place

    Read less »

    Ilona Baliūnaitė

    Ilona Baliūnaitė

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    I'm a Visual Editor at Bored Panda since 2017. I've searched through a multitude of images to create over 2000 diverse posts on a wide range of topics. I love memes, funny, and cute stuff, but I'm also into social issues topics. Despite my background in communication, my heart belongs to visual media, especially photography. When I'm not at my desk, you're likely to find me in the streets with my camera, checking out cool exhibitions, watching a movie at the cinema or just chilling with a coffee in a cozy place

    What do you think ?
    Andi
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You know what - i have several male friends who live alone and some of their houses are almost psychotically immaculate, some very comfortable and uncluttered by unnecessary stuff like cushions and nick knacks (including candles), some a bit soulless and just functional, and some are in a state no women (and some men) couldn't put up with , and you know what? They are all fine. We may find our own level, and its this clash that causes issues. Worst case scenario - it may not be your way and never will be, but do it for her ( or him Steve!)

    haileetessa
    Community Member
    1 day ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    I ɢᴇᴛ ᴘᴀɪᴅ ᴏᴠᴇʀ $120 ᴘᴇʀ ʜᴏᴜʀ ᴡᴏʀᴋɪɴɢ ғʀᴏᴍ ʜᴏᴍᴇ. I ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ ɪ'ᴅ ʙᴇ ᴀʙʟᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ ɪᴛ ʙᴜᴛ ᴍʏ ʙᴜᴅᴅʏ ᴍᴀᴋᴇs ᴏᴠᴇʀ $13,453 ᴀ ᴍᴏɴᴛʜ ᴅᴏɪɴɢ ᴛʜɪs ᴀɴᴅ sʜᴇ ᴄᴏɴᴠɪɴᴄᴇᴅ ᴍᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴛʀʏ. sᴛᴀʀᴛ ᴇᴀʀɴɪɴɢ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴄᴀsʜ ɪɴ ᴘᴀʀᴛ ᴛɪᴍᴇ. ᴄʜᴀɴɢᴇᴅ ᴍʏ ʟɪғᴇ.....➤➤ 𝗟𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗝𝗼𝗯𝟭.𝗰𝗼𝗺

    Load More Replies...
    Disgruntled Panda
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Maybe going against the grain but I am convinced upbringing has such a lot to do with it, and mothers are just as much to blame. I'm a woman, but my brotger and I were never allowed to participate in the household because "we'd just get in the way". Now in our marriage the roles are reversed compared to the article. I cannot explain how stressful I find it to realise I have yet again not done my fair share and get paralysed when I want to do extra chores because I might mess up my husband's schedule. Just wanted to give a different perspective, please be kind ❤️

    Trillian
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Of course it does. But way too many people say 'boys will be boys' and let them get away with it.

    Load More Replies...
    FreeTheUnicorn
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Upgrade the friends and the partners this isn't normal in 2025. You'd think from the way it comes up on Reddit that manipulating partners into do stuff and leaving all the unpleasant chores for your partner are both normal behaviour I've got two close knit friend groups and the only relationship that was anything close to this was openly criticised and now they are divorced. Not over chores but manipulation is the sign of a toxic relationship, so it was always going to fail. Don't dare me who don't respect you, don't hang out with women who don't care if they are respected as long as they get whatever chore done. I know this was common in older generations but if you're under 50, and this is what you see, you're just spending time with people who don't value others. Upgrade your circle.

    Load More Comments
    Andi
    Community Member
    1 day ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You know what - i have several male friends who live alone and some of their houses are almost psychotically immaculate, some very comfortable and uncluttered by unnecessary stuff like cushions and nick knacks (including candles), some a bit soulless and just functional, and some are in a state no women (and some men) couldn't put up with , and you know what? They are all fine. We may find our own level, and its this clash that causes issues. Worst case scenario - it may not be your way and never will be, but do it for her ( or him Steve!)

    haileetessa
    Community Member
    1 day ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    I ɢᴇᴛ ᴘᴀɪᴅ ᴏᴠᴇʀ $120 ᴘᴇʀ ʜᴏᴜʀ ᴡᴏʀᴋɪɴɢ ғʀᴏᴍ ʜᴏᴍᴇ. I ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ ɪ'ᴅ ʙᴇ ᴀʙʟᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ ɪᴛ ʙᴜᴛ ᴍʏ ʙᴜᴅᴅʏ ᴍᴀᴋᴇs ᴏᴠᴇʀ $13,453 ᴀ ᴍᴏɴᴛʜ ᴅᴏɪɴɢ ᴛʜɪs ᴀɴᴅ sʜᴇ ᴄᴏɴᴠɪɴᴄᴇᴅ ᴍᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴛʀʏ. sᴛᴀʀᴛ ᴇᴀʀɴɪɴɢ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴄᴀsʜ ɪɴ ᴘᴀʀᴛ ᴛɪᴍᴇ. ᴄʜᴀɴɢᴇᴅ ᴍʏ ʟɪғᴇ.....➤➤ 𝗟𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗝𝗼𝗯𝟭.𝗰𝗼𝗺

    Load More Replies...
    Disgruntled Panda
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Maybe going against the grain but I am convinced upbringing has such a lot to do with it, and mothers are just as much to blame. I'm a woman, but my brotger and I were never allowed to participate in the household because "we'd just get in the way". Now in our marriage the roles are reversed compared to the article. I cannot explain how stressful I find it to realise I have yet again not done my fair share and get paralysed when I want to do extra chores because I might mess up my husband's schedule. Just wanted to give a different perspective, please be kind ❤️

    Trillian
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Of course it does. But way too many people say 'boys will be boys' and let them get away with it.

    Load More Replies...
    FreeTheUnicorn
    Community Member
    2 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Upgrade the friends and the partners this isn't normal in 2025. You'd think from the way it comes up on Reddit that manipulating partners into do stuff and leaving all the unpleasant chores for your partner are both normal behaviour I've got two close knit friend groups and the only relationship that was anything close to this was openly criticised and now they are divorced. Not over chores but manipulation is the sign of a toxic relationship, so it was always going to fail. Don't dare me who don't respect you, don't hang out with women who don't care if they are respected as long as they get whatever chore done. I know this was common in older generations but if you're under 50, and this is what you see, you're just spending time with people who don't value others. Upgrade your circle.

    Load More Comments
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