Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
17
Woman Thinks BF’s Parents Are Lovely Until Overhearing Their Conversation Changes Everything
In-laws can be a mixed bag. Some are perfectly lovely and a pleasure to be around, but others are rude, condescending and sometimes downright toxic. Ultimately, bad in-laws can be a test of a relationship. Because bad behavior is often selective and family drama shows who one’s partner will prioritize in the end.
A woman asked the internet if she was wrong for going no contact with her in-laws after she overheard them saying absolutely horrible things about her. Readers were split on her reaction and debated the entire situation in the comments section.
RELATED:
Learning your in-laws hate you is a horrible feeling
Image credits: CharliePix (not the actual image)
But one woman wondered if going no-contact was too much
Image credits: joshua_resnick (not the actual image)
Image credits: ninetyninedays
Cutting ties is hard, but sometimes necessary
It’s a hard emotional journey to navigate in a relationship in which you and your partner have determined to go no contact with their parents, especially if it’s due to something biting being said about you. It’s a decision that comes with sadness, stress, and second-guessing even when you know it must be done. Choosing to cut someone off from a parent, or being on their side as they do this, doesn’t get done easily. When the conflict centers around disrespect or cruelty to you, the emotional stake is higher still, and so is the sense of urgency to contain the damage with sensitivity, honesty, and solidarity.
The initial step is to anchor yourself in the thinking behind the decision. If their parents spoke condescendingly to you, belittled, nosily, or habitually undermining, and efforts to have the problem respectfully addressed were met with dismissal or retaliation, you can reasonably have boundaries. No contact isn’t punishment; it’s about protecting emotional well-being. Framing it that way, in both your conversations with each other and within yourself, can help you more easily feel more anchored when guilt or social expectation appears.
It’s also important to stay in harmony with your partner. Although the insult was because of you, they’re the one cut off from family, and that is an emotionally heavy load. They may struggle with loyalty, bereavement, or family conditioning causing them to second-guess their choice. Give them room to feel conflicted without assuming it’s a reversal or blaming you. Open check-ins in which the two of you talk openly to each other, without defensiveness, can be what keeps the relationship going. You don’t want to be two people reacting separately to the same crisis.
Image credits: freepik (not the actual image)
It’s still important to keep working on your relationship
At the same time, notice how much space the problem is occupying in your relationship. It’s so simple for no-contact options to be the linchpin of your dynamic, one that lingers at the periphery of holidays, future plans, even mundane conversation. Although it’s important not to stifle the problem, it’s equally important to nurture the other elements of your relationship. Make moments of happiness, intimacy, shared aspirations, and new traditions that make you feel like you’re building something with each other, and not just closing the door on something painful.
You may also face outside pressure: estranged parents, mutual friends, or even the estranged parent themselves can attempt to guilt trip or bargain you back into the family. Before that happens, determine what your boundaries are and who will represent you if someone calls you. You need both of you to feel like you have each other’s backs. If it does happen that your partner does not stay the course, try to separate their befuddlement from your own pain, firmness is acceptable, but allow for understanding, especially if it’s still hurting them over the loss of the family they wanted.
Lastly, understand that healing does not necessarily equal reconciliation. Oftentimes, the most healthy way forward is embracing distance, grieving what could have been, and prioritizing the chosen family you are building together. Therapy, either individual or couples, is a useful tool during this journey, and it can assist each of you in working through guilt, grief, and long-established emotional patterns. A no-contact boundary is not necessarily a failure. When negotiated with dignity, empathy, and mutual respect, it can be the start of a fresh new chapter in your relationship, one where respect, safety, and emotional integrity are at the forefront. It might not be simple, but it can be the opening move to creating something much stronger than what was broken.
Image credits: gstockstudio (not the actual image)
Some readers needed more details
Many actually thought she went too far
Poll Question
Total votes ·
Thanks! Check out the results:
Total votes ·
Newsletter
Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls
By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.
Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!
Explore more of these tags
What do you think ?
Paul C 4 months ago
Something bothers me about this. Why would someone cut off all contact with their parents on the uncorroborated word of someone they have been dating for less than a year? There must be more to it than this. I'm not saying it's right or wrong to cut contact, just there is something more here we aren't privilege to - though the comment on the OP's looks is obviously obnoxious. I tried reversing the sexes and it worried me more - it's isolating the guy from his parents.
millac 4 months ago
I suspect he's doing this because what they said is very, very true and he doesn't want to unpack it, either with himself or with his girlfriend. Cutting the parents off shifts all the blame and controversy onto them, while allowing him to get away with it all.
Load More Replies...
Cronecast AtTheRisingMoon 4 months ago
She really did overreact but bullying can result in the victims having PTSD and it must have felt awful. She’s young, she liked them and she walked into a room where people were defining her by something previously used to torment her. It is a disproportionate response but there’s a reason she had it, and there is no power on earth that would possess me to make unkind remarks about a guest in my home while they were freaking still in the house. And for everyone saying it’s just factual…she overheard someone asking what others thought of her and heard her worth as a person completely dismissed and her size being the sole focus. Her boyfriend’s cutting them off without telling them why strikes me as likely a lie on his part. They would just show up to ask him after they left and then blocked them. I don’t know, his behavior is pretty suspect. Who does that? Anyway, they seem to have a head start on a really unhealthy relationship because that’s not a sustainable communication style.
Ben Aziza 4 months ago (edited)
Yeh exactly! The least one can do is at least confirm what was said no? He just jumped to dumping the parents? Maybe he was waiting for any excuse to do that. Could be they are and were always toxic. Could be a problem with him. In all cases OP did want this outcome and it is concerning... She or He might do something benign and the other takes it as a sign to disappear... Yehh this is as toxic a relationship as can be.
Load More Replies...
DrBronxx 4 months ago (edited)
The boyfriend is the issue. He apparently *hates* fat women, and cut his parents off because of a single, probably rude but (let's face it) private and relatively minor comment, without context. That does not sound like a reasonable person, and it wouldn't be crazy to say that it may only be a matter of time before he flips out on OP, whatever his flipping out would look like.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 months ago
OP says in a comment that he is 22. That's still very young. Most humans are still emotionally immature at that age. His reaction seems VERY extreme - makes me wonder what else is going on.
Load More Replies... Paul C 4 months ago
Something bothers me about this. Why would someone cut off all contact with their parents on the uncorroborated word of someone they have been dating for less than a year? There must be more to it than this. I'm not saying it's right or wrong to cut contact, just there is something more here we aren't privilege to - though the comment on the OP's looks is obviously obnoxious. I tried reversing the sexes and it worried me more - it's isolating the guy from his parents.
millac 4 months ago
I suspect he's doing this because what they said is very, very true and he doesn't want to unpack it, either with himself or with his girlfriend. Cutting the parents off shifts all the blame and controversy onto them, while allowing him to get away with it all.
Load More Replies... Cronecast AtTheRisingMoon 4 months ago
She really did overreact but bullying can result in the victims having PTSD and it must have felt awful. She’s young, she liked them and she walked into a room where people were defining her by something previously used to torment her. It is a disproportionate response but there’s a reason she had it, and there is no power on earth that would possess me to make unkind remarks about a guest in my home while they were freaking still in the house. And for everyone saying it’s just factual…she overheard someone asking what others thought of her and heard her worth as a person completely dismissed and her size being the sole focus. Her boyfriend’s cutting them off without telling them why strikes me as likely a lie on his part. They would just show up to ask him after they left and then blocked them. I don’t know, his behavior is pretty suspect. Who does that? Anyway, they seem to have a head start on a really unhealthy relationship because that’s not a sustainable communication style.
Ben Aziza 4 months ago (edited)
Yeh exactly! The least one can do is at least confirm what was said no? He just jumped to dumping the parents? Maybe he was waiting for any excuse to do that. Could be they are and were always toxic. Could be a problem with him. In all cases OP did want this outcome and it is concerning... She or He might do something benign and the other takes it as a sign to disappear... Yehh this is as toxic a relationship as can be.
Load More Replies... DrBronxx 4 months ago (edited)
The boyfriend is the issue. He apparently *hates* fat women, and cut his parents off because of a single, probably rude but (let's face it) private and relatively minor comment, without context. That does not sound like a reasonable person, and it wouldn't be crazy to say that it may only be a matter of time before he flips out on OP, whatever his flipping out would look like.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 months ago
OP says in a comment that he is 22. That's still very young. Most humans are still emotionally immature at that age. His reaction seems VERY extreme - makes me wonder what else is going on.
Load More Replies... You May Like Couple Trick Clingy MIL By Changing Their Vacation Plans Last Minute: "Cue The Waterworks And Victimization" Woman Refuses To Host Thanksgiving For 30 People, Pushy Family Still Tries To Guilt-Trip Her Into It MIL Realizes She Messed With The Wrong Person When Son’s Wife Gets Back For Committing Crimes Against Her
Mantas Kačerauskas
Indrė Lukošiūtė
Ieva Pečiulytė
Related on Bored Panda
38
28