Man Refuses To Accommodate Niece’s “Special” Diet For Thanksgiving, Divides The Family And The Internet
It’s beginning to look a lot like… Thanksgiving! The daydreams of turkey, stuffing, cranberries, pie, and more stuffing (just keep piling on the stuffing!) enter your mind like a light drizzle nourishing the earth from which all those gifts have come.
But as families come together to celebrate the wondrous occasion of gratitude, unresolved issues come forth, and toxicity takes the center stage. Just like it did in this person’s family, a couple of days before the actual occasion.
A Reddit user named throwaway6301122 asked the ‘Am I the [Jerk]?’ community whether he was in the wrong for refusing to change any of the planned-out meals to accommodate his niece’s dietary restrictions. The answer seems pretty obvious just out of this much information; however, there’s always more than meets the eye!
We are very curious to hear your thoughts on the story, dear Pandarandas, as well as what you most look forward to when it comes to Thanksgiving! Without further ado, let’s dive into the story!
More info: Reddit
When we think of Thanksgiving, we imagine all the delicious food, however, some people need to have it prepared a special way to meet their dietary requirements
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Thanksgiving is one of those holidays that people look forward to the most, the reason being the food. Seeing family is nice too, of course, but it’s made all the better with mouthwatering bits of culinary goodness. We’re talking roast turkey with gravy, cranberry sauce, sage and sausage stuffing, ultra-fluffy mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie…
Now I’m hungry. And so would one 21-year-old lady, named Bria, be. The Original Poster (OP) decided to host a Thanksgiving dinner this year alongside his wife, inviting a good portion of their family over. Only his sister Maggie pulled the rug out from under him, asking whether they’d be preparing anything that her daughter Bria could eat, as she’d started following a special gluten-free diet. He was less than thrilled, to say the least.
One man decided that it was a mere personal choice for his niece to take up a restrictive gluten-free diet right before the holidays. Here’s the full story:
Image credits: throwaway6301122
Two gluten-related disorders affect 1–7% of people worldwide, causing a myriad of abdominal issues. Treatments rely on following a strict gluten-free diet
Image credits: Klimt (not the actual photo)
From how the OP spoke of Bria and the rest of his family, it seemed as though there were some very deep-rooted issues that they needed to discuss in order to clear the air. The competitive relationship between his sister and wife, the immediate judgment and marking of someone else’s needs as insignificant, just because they’d tried different diets in the past, all leading towards a break in the family dynamic.
The holidays are meant to unite those that are closest to each other, either by blood or by bond, yet it seems they can also drift them further apart when negativity takes precedence. Especially when one person is medically unable to participate in the holiday celebrations unless they’re allowed to bring their own food or have options available.
So let’s look a little bit deeper into gluten intolerance. According to Healthline, it holds a place among the most commonly occurring dietary restrictions, with two gluten-related disorders affecting 1–7% of people worldwide. They’re celiac disease and non-celiac gluten sensitivity.
Although they’re different, they lead to similar symptoms of abdominal pain, diarrhea, and weight loss due to nutrient malabsorption, which can later lead to inflammation and damage to the small intestine. Current treatments for both disorders rely on following a strict and lifelong gluten-free diet, where one avoids ingredients like wheat, barley, and rye.
As stated on Eat First, the side effects of ingesting gluten can last between hours and days afterward. Coeliacs, on the other hand, can do permanent damage to their stomachs, and in serious cases, even go into life-threatening anaphylaxis. So, after all of this, one can see that this isn’t just a fad, but rather an important aspect of one’s health.
The ‘Am I the [Jerk]?’ community almost unanimously agreed that the OP was a jerk for being so rude to his niece and sister, with one person saying, “Hosting is about making guests feel comfortable. Why are you hell-bent on punishing your niece? It’s not hard to make things gluten-free but at the very least let her bring her own food.”
“As someone who was diagnosed with celiac in her 40s, I ate gluten for nearly 40 years. Now, when I accidentally have it, I end up violently ill for a week. Your sister isn’t being competitive. You are being [a jerk],” stated another.
1.3k comments followed, and 2.8k upvotes boosted the story upwards, and it seemed to have shifted something in the OP’s mind. He then updated the post, stating that the family had come towards a compromise, all thanks to the responses in the Reddit community helping the OP see the other side of the equation.
Here’s what the internet community thought, as well as the personal stories they shared
Some believe that this could have been a Not-The-Jerk situation, had the circumstances been different. Let us know your own opinions in the comments below!
After receiving a lot of criticism from the online community, the man decided to find solutions for them all to be able to celebrate together, as stated the update:
Image credits: throwaway6301122
It’s nice to see that the family was able to have a discussion and start working on having a celebration together rather than separately. You did it, internet! You brought a family back together! And well done to you too, OP! Not all want to see the darkness within them, but you took all the advice and critique and it led to a very sweet outcome for all.
There’s nothing worse than missing out on the most beautiful celebrations of the year and being alienated from those you love the most just because of something you cannot control. Following a gluten-free diet is a learning process, not only for the person suffering from it but also for family and friends.
Thankfully, there are heaps of recipes fit for those intolerant to gluten that replicate the tastes and textures of beloved foods. Gluten Free on a Shoestring have shared their best gluten-free Thanksgiving recipes, which you’ll be able to find if you click on the hyperlink. It takes adjusting to, but it’s not impossible!
So what can we all learn from this, dear Pandas? How about we don’t distance ourselves from our family members just because of something as simple as food, but rather work together to find the best solutions, to fit all parties, and bond the members of said family further. Good memories created, lovely food had, and gratitude shared.
We are always capable of changing for the better, and sometimes it takes a whole community of people to show us the correct way, lighting the path ever brighter. Bored Panda has reached out to the OP of the story, but if he comes across this article first, then hello! Glad things worked out for you and hope you have a lovely time!
Hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving as well, dear readers! Don’t forget to upvote, share your thoughts on the story and your plans for this upcoming holiday, and have yourself a jolly day!
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This is nice that in the end he realizes that what he did was wrong so YTA and NTA
Yes, a decent, reasonable person. He reacted impulsively, but then changed his mind. Hope we can all be like that.
Load More Replies...Last year i made Thanksgiving dinner for 6 people. One person was gluten free, one was a vegetarian, and one was a diabetic. Instead of making 1 big meal, I made a variety of small dishes so there would be something for everyone... it was a logistical nightmare, but we laughed it off and had a great time. Giving people what they need is how we say "I love you."
The best thing about this, is that when called on it, this guy listened, recognised that he was being an a*****e, and changed his position. Just because you start off being an a*****e, doesn't mean you have to end that way.
Yep, everyone makes mistakes. A true a*****e is someone who won't admit they're wrong and plows ahead regardless.
Load More Replies...I have coeliac, and get exasperated at people who whine about discretionary gluten-free, when it mostly doesn't affect them at all. The more people who do it, the better the choices.
While the "supply and demand" issue is solved for you, which is a good thing. Doesnt the "trendy gluten free" make awareness and acceptance of your condition problematic? Genuine question.
Load More Replies...I said this in another post but do families really expect one person to prepare ALL the food? We always split up items and everyone brings a couple dishes. I don't understand this drama about people not being able to bring dishes. Let your family help you and also make sure there are dishes everyone likes by letting everyone contribute.
I agree. In my family everyone brings something. We discuss it as a group to decide who is bringing what. That way everyone gets to contribute and takes a load off the host. Besides everyone has that one thing they like making and do well. It always tastes better.
Load More Replies...Well, it was a clear YTA. I'd been partway through wondering if OP was ignorant or an a*****e for presuming the gluten-free diet was out of choice rather than necessity, but the edit at the end makes it clear OP thought Bria had chosen the diet because she was bored. OP's reaction to Maggie's offer to bring a special dish for Bria was a clearer YTA. I am glad Redditors managed to get OP to see the error of his ways.
literally. Made me kinda mad when he said she could eat the pie. I was like... Yk pie crust has gluten??? I was on a gluten free diet for a month or three bc I'm slightly allergic to wheat and we were seeing if it was something else making me sick, but I got a lot of ignorance. "Oh why can't you eat bread on your gluten free diet?" 😂
Load More Replies...I think it is nice that OP asked questions and found out the niece has sound medical reasons for going GF. However, there are many many people who like to jump on any bandwagon of things and tend to demand people accommodate their latest trend.
A gluten-free diet only benefits people that have a medical condition preventing them from having gluten in their diet, such as celiac disease, gluten sensitivity/intolerance and wheat allergy. For an average person without these conditions, it makes absolutely no difference at all. For the people who don't rely on gluten-free, it is just a fad that they use to act superior like a militant vegan lording it over someone eating a steak
So.... I have an allergy to the bleaching process, so I went gluten free, Drs diagnosed with gluten intolerance 10 years ago, when I started baking again I was having contact reactions with flour and starting changing things around to find out the bleaching allergy. I read all the ingredients and I refused to eat anything that wasn't naturally gluten free because the chemicals in gluten free pie crust, bread, cookies etc were just as damaging as the wheat flour. The daughter, who at 21, apparently had no voice... The mother apparently doesn't know how to communicate... So it left OP finding about medi al issues by way of the internet, which is sad, because Mom and daughter are complete pushovers and just complain...
Load More Replies...Sounds like there is history of the sister being competitive and attention seeking. But Solution is to say “this is what we are making and the ingredients we use, if she can’t eat this, bring something she can eat…but DO NOT be disrespectful to my wife and pull your attention seeking b******t… CLEAR?”
That's assuming she even meant to be competitive. Sometimes people just do their own thing and are seen as competitive by someone else with either low self-esteem issues or anxiety. I always ran in gym class while preparing for the mile run exam with all I had. I found a joy in running that I truly enjoyed. My friend thought I was just ignoring her. I had no idea, and was lost in the running for 2 weeks before I realized something was bothering her. Once we figured it out, I was able to run with her sometimes and help find ways for her to improve for the exam. We were close and kids though, so outbursts are more likely to happen. Point is, maybe one of them is just really proud of her culinary skills. Maybe it is one of the few things in which she feels she excels, and she had no idea that it was causing issues. I'm amazed sometimes at how people just won't talk, then get all upset because so-and-so didn't know that they were even causing issues.
Load More Replies...WAS TA, NTA now. You calmed down and listened and asked questions....brownie points
I think sister and aunt are either TA or need to learn how to use their voice. There's a big difference between: my daughter had a tick bite and now she's allergic to red meat, what can you and I do...... And is there peanuts, yea most of the stuff has peanuts in it, can she bring something different.... Seriously, this is going to be last Christmas all over again with you hiring a caterer...well how is Cindy going to eat? /// (Both are different than gluten free, but show how to talk and how not to talk as different people with different dietary restrictions)
Load More Replies...This is nice that in the end he realizes that what he did was wrong so YTA and NTA
Yes, a decent, reasonable person. He reacted impulsively, but then changed his mind. Hope we can all be like that.
Load More Replies...Last year i made Thanksgiving dinner for 6 people. One person was gluten free, one was a vegetarian, and one was a diabetic. Instead of making 1 big meal, I made a variety of small dishes so there would be something for everyone... it was a logistical nightmare, but we laughed it off and had a great time. Giving people what they need is how we say "I love you."
The best thing about this, is that when called on it, this guy listened, recognised that he was being an a*****e, and changed his position. Just because you start off being an a*****e, doesn't mean you have to end that way.
Yep, everyone makes mistakes. A true a*****e is someone who won't admit they're wrong and plows ahead regardless.
Load More Replies...I have coeliac, and get exasperated at people who whine about discretionary gluten-free, when it mostly doesn't affect them at all. The more people who do it, the better the choices.
While the "supply and demand" issue is solved for you, which is a good thing. Doesnt the "trendy gluten free" make awareness and acceptance of your condition problematic? Genuine question.
Load More Replies...I said this in another post but do families really expect one person to prepare ALL the food? We always split up items and everyone brings a couple dishes. I don't understand this drama about people not being able to bring dishes. Let your family help you and also make sure there are dishes everyone likes by letting everyone contribute.
I agree. In my family everyone brings something. We discuss it as a group to decide who is bringing what. That way everyone gets to contribute and takes a load off the host. Besides everyone has that one thing they like making and do well. It always tastes better.
Load More Replies...Well, it was a clear YTA. I'd been partway through wondering if OP was ignorant or an a*****e for presuming the gluten-free diet was out of choice rather than necessity, but the edit at the end makes it clear OP thought Bria had chosen the diet because she was bored. OP's reaction to Maggie's offer to bring a special dish for Bria was a clearer YTA. I am glad Redditors managed to get OP to see the error of his ways.
literally. Made me kinda mad when he said she could eat the pie. I was like... Yk pie crust has gluten??? I was on a gluten free diet for a month or three bc I'm slightly allergic to wheat and we were seeing if it was something else making me sick, but I got a lot of ignorance. "Oh why can't you eat bread on your gluten free diet?" 😂
Load More Replies...I think it is nice that OP asked questions and found out the niece has sound medical reasons for going GF. However, there are many many people who like to jump on any bandwagon of things and tend to demand people accommodate their latest trend.
A gluten-free diet only benefits people that have a medical condition preventing them from having gluten in their diet, such as celiac disease, gluten sensitivity/intolerance and wheat allergy. For an average person without these conditions, it makes absolutely no difference at all. For the people who don't rely on gluten-free, it is just a fad that they use to act superior like a militant vegan lording it over someone eating a steak
So.... I have an allergy to the bleaching process, so I went gluten free, Drs diagnosed with gluten intolerance 10 years ago, when I started baking again I was having contact reactions with flour and starting changing things around to find out the bleaching allergy. I read all the ingredients and I refused to eat anything that wasn't naturally gluten free because the chemicals in gluten free pie crust, bread, cookies etc were just as damaging as the wheat flour. The daughter, who at 21, apparently had no voice... The mother apparently doesn't know how to communicate... So it left OP finding about medi al issues by way of the internet, which is sad, because Mom and daughter are complete pushovers and just complain...
Load More Replies...Sounds like there is history of the sister being competitive and attention seeking. But Solution is to say “this is what we are making and the ingredients we use, if she can’t eat this, bring something she can eat…but DO NOT be disrespectful to my wife and pull your attention seeking b******t… CLEAR?”
That's assuming she even meant to be competitive. Sometimes people just do their own thing and are seen as competitive by someone else with either low self-esteem issues or anxiety. I always ran in gym class while preparing for the mile run exam with all I had. I found a joy in running that I truly enjoyed. My friend thought I was just ignoring her. I had no idea, and was lost in the running for 2 weeks before I realized something was bothering her. Once we figured it out, I was able to run with her sometimes and help find ways for her to improve for the exam. We were close and kids though, so outbursts are more likely to happen. Point is, maybe one of them is just really proud of her culinary skills. Maybe it is one of the few things in which she feels she excels, and she had no idea that it was causing issues. I'm amazed sometimes at how people just won't talk, then get all upset because so-and-so didn't know that they were even causing issues.
Load More Replies...WAS TA, NTA now. You calmed down and listened and asked questions....brownie points
I think sister and aunt are either TA or need to learn how to use their voice. There's a big difference between: my daughter had a tick bite and now she's allergic to red meat, what can you and I do...... And is there peanuts, yea most of the stuff has peanuts in it, can she bring something different.... Seriously, this is going to be last Christmas all over again with you hiring a caterer...well how is Cindy going to eat? /// (Both are different than gluten free, but show how to talk and how not to talk as different people with different dietary restrictions)
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