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You’ve Already Heard Of Toxic Masculinity, But Here’re 30 Examples Of Toxic Femininity
When you hear the word ‘toxic,’ odds are, your mind’s bound to add the word ‘masculinity’ on top. Most of us have heard about toxic masculinity and the issues it poses to men, women, and society as a whole in quite some depth. However, a topic that’s addressed far more rarely is toxic femininity.
The mirror image to toxic masculinity, toxic femininity deals with the perception that some women have about how other women 'should' behave and what makes a ‘real’ woman. Redditors have been going into detail about what exactly constitutes toxic femininity and how some women express it. Have a read through their responses to redditor VysX_’s viral thread and let us know which of these examples you agree and disagree with. Have you noticed any of these in real life? Share your thoughts with all the other Pandas in the comments.
Nancy Doyle, writing for Forbes, explains that she’s seen toxic femininity described in a variety of ways. Including backstabbing, failing to support other women in their success, and also as a potential “tool of the patriarchy to undermine femininity.”
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Women who think other women that enjoy cooking, child rearing, and homemaking are perpetuating stereotyped gender roles enforced by the patriarchy.
Tearing other women down because what they enjoy doesn’t fit into the tiny box of what YOUR version of feminism should be is toxic femininity to the max.
Sleazy Weaver 4 years ago
True feminism is giving everybody the choice to live the life they want, regardless of gender or stereotypes.
v 4 years ago (edited)
Correction, true humanism is giving everybody the choice to live the life they want, regardless of gender or stereotypes. This way of living is neither feminine or masculine.
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Celeste Grant 4 years ago
I wish this was said more often. I have hobbies that are traditionally home making skills but I don't do them because I have to, I do them because I want too. I've had several people say to me over the years that I'd make a "lovely wife" or ask why I'm not married when I mention my hobbies but I've had women tear me down for it too, telling me that women like me "put back feminism by years" just because I like to bake, or that I only do it because I'm brain washed by the patriarchy; it's not that, I just love baking and making my own curtains!
McSydney 4 years ago
Then you should keep doing those things if they bring you joy
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Kay blue 4 years ago
My daughter has always wanted to be a wife and mother, isn't really interested in a career but is working until she has little ones. She made the mistake of saying that to one of her teachers; they spent the last two years of her schooling telling her how wrong it was for her to want that.
Ozacoter 4 years ago
She is perfectly entitled to that and the teachers should be kinder. But she also needs to be aware that being a sahm with no salary puts you in a really dependent position since you dont really have money of your own. Many women cant leave their partners because of this. Its something to be aware off.
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Foxxy (The Original) 4 years ago
I get this coz I'm a SAHM that does the cooking and cleaning etc. I don't enjoy it but that is what works for our family. I have had negative comments and people saying my hubby needs to do more etc.
albernistuff 4sale 4 years ago
As long as you feel it is equitable, that is fine. My wife is very busy so I often do the majority of household chores. We discuss the fact that she has guilt pangs over my doing the cooking & cleaning, and I assure her that she should NOT feel that way (result of traditional eastern European family). Yes, I am virtue signalling...but I do my best to be aware I'm an ass-hole
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deanna woods 4 years ago
True feminism is respecting every woman's individual journey on this Earth.
CatWoman312 4 years ago
That’s the whole point of feminism…we fight so every woman despite what her lifestyle is, is seen as equal.
Catherine McClarin 4 years ago
Every feminist I know enjoys cooking and child rearing. They also share the homemaking with the other able-bodied adults in the house. This statement is designed to force a split between women. Don't let it.
RELATED:
#2
Branding unattractive guys as “creeps” for the same behaviour that attractive guys get away with and even rewarded for.
Biljana Malesevic 4 years ago
Creep is a creep, attractive or not. Creepy or rude behavior shouldn't be just forgiven because someone is attractive.
CatWoman312 4 years ago
I feel like a guy wrote this one tbh. A lot of unattractive guys immediately say “well if I was good looking you wouldn’t say that.” Women apparently aren’t allowed to have preferences. It all comes down to entitlement with many men.
Julie C Rose 4 years ago (edited)
On the other hand, there’s no amount of physical attractiveness that makes it OK for a guy to wordlessly follow me around and then slam his stuff around when I pair up with another male classmate for group work, to give an example from my uni days. Sometimes the creepiness isn’t about what you look like.
Roxy Eastland 4 years ago
Hmmm, maybe what the difference is is that some men pick up on (because they care to look out for) whether their behaviour is appreciated and other men plough on with no consideration of how they are making the woman feel. Thus a man that is attractive to a woman can behave in certain ways without her feeling threatened etc because he is acting on her cues, whereas a man that isn't attractive to that woman and is being given the cues to stop and move on, but carries on regardless is being a creep. I find it depressing that this is so hard to grasp.
Otter 4 years ago
Just so you know, this is an Incel talking point. They think the problem with this is that the women are being horribly unfair to the mess attractive guys, not that their social skills aren't good enough to tell how the woman is reacting to their come-on.
Petro Roos 4 years ago
I don't agree to this 100%, If you make me feel uncomfortable, it's what you do, not how you look. Some "Pretty boys" just think they can get away with s**t because of their looks, it's not the case.
John Topper 4 years ago
This one has nothing to do with gender roles. Attractive people are just treated better in pretty much every way. This applies to males and females.
Yvonne Dauwalder Balsiger 4 years ago
No. Of course pretty a**holes exist as well. Mostly this is a question of consent and this here is the excuse of the rejected party (often male, but definitely a fair share of women too). If someone is not interested in flirting/whatever with you for whatever reason (shallow or not), it is his or her right to reject you. Period. If you (gorgeous or ugly) respect that, good. If you don't respect that, you are creepy. Don't stare at people, don't stand too close to initiate a flirt or whatever, never grope and never follow them around (even if you are simply working up your courage to introduce yourself, no one is a mind-reader and it just comes across as super creepy). But yeah, apparently a lot of people (male and female) didn't get that memo.
#3
It’s when a woman assaults a man first and when the man retaliates, the woman acts like she’s the victim saying “you can’t hit a woman”. You hit him first Ma’am. You’re not absolve to any of your wrongdoings just because of your gender
Scagsy 4 years ago
My wife attacked me in a fit of drunken rage. Punching and kicking and even kneed me in the balls twice. I pushed her once and stood on her foot. Guess who the police wanted to arrest? I have never once raised my hand to a woman yet here I am, living under the shadow of a potential domestic abuse charge. I get that some women live in fear and that domestic abuse is totally unacceptable. But if you're a man you're guilty everytime the police show up regardless of any evidence. Don't get me started on male domestic abuse victims - they just get largely ignored.
T Lee Mac 4 years ago
That is so true. Some women are batterers but the men aren’t believed when and if they act in self defence. My brother dated a girl like this. I decked her for him. The relationship ended quickly thankfully.
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Two_rolling_black_eyes 4 years ago
"You can't hit a woman" needs to be replaced with "You can't hit anyone". True equality is realizing violence against any other human is wrong.
Beto River 4 years ago (edited)
In College I went daily to the gym and was in a fare shape. Suddenly one of my longtime friends started to grab my pectorals every time she saw me. She was like ‘nice pecs’ and proceeded to touch me every single time. I told her to please stop doing that and she kept doing it. One day I told her that if she did it again, I was also going to grab one of her ‘pectorals'. She laughed and did it again, so I proceeded to do what I warn her I was going to do. She was in shock for a couple of minutes. I told her ‘I warned you, respect goes both ways’ and left.
J. F. 4 years ago
Equal rights equal fights - I expect anybody no matter of gender or race to be able to know their limits
Mystery Egg 4 years ago
Unfortunately, this toxic bs is the reason why domestic violence against men by their female partners goes under the radar, because I've heard stories of male victims not reaching out for help as they fear they will be laughed at, called wimps, etc.
Kimberly Buchanan 4 years ago
Finally! Someone who sees my opinion on this topic. If a woman comes up to man, and wants to fight like a man, they should get their a$$ knocked out like a man.
Donkey boi 4 years ago
I've said it before. If a woman hits you, shove her on her a**e. If she hits you again, shove her harder. If she does it again, act like Newton, an equal and opposite reaction.
Sky Render 4 years ago
Definitely a societal double standard that needs to go away! Aggression is not okay no matter who's doing it, and it's far more wrong when the aggressor can hide behind the victim card.
According to Doyle from Forbes, in the workplace, toxic femininity is akin to passive aggression. “It’s when we allow relationships and productivity to suffer because we’re not being honest about our own objectives, or when we are assuming we know best with a ‘caring’ face. It's being a ‘Karen’ and it's not a step forward from patriarchal systems of control. It might not involve yelling, but it’s still manipulating other people,” she explains.
“The answer to centuries of toxic masculinity is not a new era of toxic femininity, it is leadership and membership behaviors and skills that are, frankly, beyond gender and appropriately contextualized.”
#4
Thinking men can't be abused by a woman
Biljana Malesevic 4 years ago
Rape is rape, sexual assault is s. assault no matter what genders are involved. Only fact is that men are usually physically much stronger than women and that is why women getting assaulted by men is more dangerous.
Falcon 4 years ago
Agree, tho physical strength doesn't always play a role. Drugs, for one, are an option.
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Lee Macro 4 years ago
IIRC here in the UK, a man or a woman cannot technically or legally be raped by a woman. It's classed as sexual assault but not rape due to the way the definition of rape is/was defined in the Sexual Offences Act 2003
Lauren Caswell 4 years ago
Holy what? Is there any talk of this Act being updated? Of course women can be rapists, that act I'm imagining has probably left rape victims feeling so dismissed, for lack of a better word 😡
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Jules Daly 4 years ago (edited)
More men think like this. And it's because of toxic masculinity.
Karin Jansen 4 years ago (edited)
Scrolled down for this.. Making men out to be "strong" at all times compared to women - ergo indicating that men can't fall victim to a female aggressor without being a laughing stock - is an example of toxic masculinity, not femininity.
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StrawberryParfait 4 years ago
They can be abused, but the stats on domestic violence will quickly show that they are not abused as often, or as severely, or as lethally, as women are by their male partners. Why are most of these posts about men claiming to be the real victims? Bizarre!
Tobias the Tiger 4 years ago
Whenever people bring this up, I often think of my dad's relationship with my stepmom. She's very controlling over him, often berates him for "lying" to her when he ends up coming home a little later than expected, among many other things. He frequently complains about things she's done to him, and yet stays with her anyway for some reason - what does he see in her?!
Ece Cenker 4 years ago
And abuse is not only sexual/physical. Emotional abuse take place all too often, between any people/sexes and is so much more difficult to prove and prevent. Soi if there seems to be people around you that seem to/complain of suffer/ing from emotional abuse, it aalways pays to listen and pay attention to them.
Ahkilah Adams 4 years ago (edited)
I saw the most upsetting video of a man being abused my a woman. She was much larger than him, and she had him pinned against the railing at a train station with her stomach, her hands wrapped around his throat. He was begging her to let him die and was trying to jump on the train tracks. She kept jamming him against the railing with her stomach, and slapping and choking him. Women can absolutely abuse men.
Rob Davison 4 years ago
I had a coworker who was a battered husband. We didn't know it until after he moved out and filed for divorce.
#5
“Breast is best” “Women who have C-sections aren’t real mothers” “Real women have curves” “I’m not like other girls” Etc
Ian Reynolds 4 years ago
My wife had a c-section and our daughter and my wife couldn't take to breastfeeding, and people would make comments about how natural birth and breastfeeding makes real bonds. This hurt my wife, caused some early depression and made her worry about the bond with our daughter, but this really has had no impact on their relationship. My wife now gets angry because of the stupidity of the people saying this and the snobbiness of these fools.
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
In the Netherlands doctors and maternity nurses explain to women that it doesn't make any difference how you feed your baby and it's totally ok to have a c-section or ask for an epidural. Some women can tolerate the pain some can't. Nothing to be worried or ashamed about. It's all about the physical and mental health of the mother. If mummy is happy, the child will be happy, that's why mummy comes first.
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Hello Dolly 4 years ago
Okay I had a vag birth but all I have to say is I do not envy the mothers who have to have a c section. All I had to get was one stitch and that hurt for a week after. C section you have to cut through multiple layers of skin. You can’t hold your baby on your own due to the medication they have to give you than healing the multiple layers of skin has its risk. If anyone ever said that to any of my friends around me I would inform them on why they are totally wrong.
Lolly 4 years ago
Didn't breastfeed my first son, I was young and it didn't feel right, was shamed horrendously in the hospital. Didn't breastfeed my second son, he was born with teeth and nobody informed me that breastfeeding hurts when you first do it so I just thought he was biting me, no support and again shamed horrendously by health visitor saying I must not be doing it right. Breastfed my daughter after pressure to try again from midwife from birth to 3 and a half because I just could not get her to wean. I loved the closeness with her but it became a chore and I really didn't enjoy it and felt I missed out on her babyhood as all she did was feed. I also ended up with severe recurrent breast abscesses due to breastfeeding. Lesson, whatever you choose to do is best for you and your child. Happy and healthy is best for all
Michelle M 4 years ago
And women who think that only birth mothers are real mothers. They enrage me.
Hello Dolly 4 years ago (edited)
Right! My adoptive mother took one day off for maternity leave( fun fact apparently you can do that in the state I lived even if it is for adoption she took less time than she could have because it was to throw a “birth” celebration). It was awesome she even sent out the little cards you send with a picture of us a a card for birth. My adoptive parents are more my parents than anyone else. I got adopted at 17 so it was a little silly but it sure did mean a lot.
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Mystery Egg 4 years ago
Easy?! The natural way is what your body has the ability to do. A c-section is a major operation.
Lauren Caswell 4 years ago
I breastfed but my baby was born underweight, and my midwife told me I couldn't make hindmilk (that gives more fat for weight gain). Everyone said it was my choice, but I felt pressure from them, and my baby was gaining the bare minimum like 100g. I switched to adding the bottle, my midwife and plunket lady were questioning my choice, but I know I did the right thing. He started to sleep better, gained much more weight (healthy), and just flourished. (I got jealous of the bottle the first time, I know it's an inanimate object lol it felt so silly but I was muttering about how it had replaced me 😅 baby hormones)
#6
My ex-husband and I separated when our child was 2. Went to a birthday party for daughter's friend and was having a casual conversation with one of the husbands. The group of women stood in a corner staring at me, and the wife came up and grabbed him by the arm and started doing that strange possessive peacock dance.
What were we talking about? Real estate prices.
Pearl 4 years ago
Or maybe the guy has history of not being loyal. (Possibility)
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Casey McAlister 4 years ago
Once an absolutely random dude messaged me with "hi how r u" and I ignored it. A week later an absolutely random woman wrote to me accusing me of trying to steal her boyfriend because she found his message to me on his phone. He messaged me, but it somehow was my fault. I don't even know.
Rosie Hamilton 4 years ago
Yet when I said something on here once about women blaming other women when it's the man who is the cheating git I got told that women don't do that... All too often there is this protective 'get away from my man' attitude when they'd be better off looking at the man in question.
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StrawberryParfait 4 years ago
Maybe her husband has a history of cheating. That's usually how insecure relationship behaviour in women starts.
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J. Normal 4 years ago
Please explain to me ... why women get mad at other women for the actions of the male partner? HE is the one who made the promise - is he too weak to say no when she walks over and rips off his clothes and starts to attack him? What??? That does not happen??? Then if he cheats it is 100% ALL his fault. ( BTW for the "men" out there... women should not cheat on their partners either).
SPQRBob 4 years ago
Men do the same with men - and even worse, many men do it when they are no longer even in a relationship with the woman in question! It's like "You don't own her, dudebro!"
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snipergun 4 years ago
Pretty usual actually, very unhealthy if wife thinks she's the only one standing between her husband and their divorce. I moved to older neighborhood as 30 yo (neighbors were that time exclusively retired people or near retirement). Went to meet neighbors at their weekly coffee meeting (had no choice they saw me moving in shortly before). All ladies with best intentions started telling me how their husbands are very handy and with what if I ever need help (super nice!) and mention neighbor next door who wasn't there, how he's skilled in everything from walls, floors up to the roof. When I asked if he comes so I can also meet him, I was honestly told "but he has girlfriend". I know they had best intentions but I have no idea how they made this connection to remind me about his relationship status.
M Calad 4 years ago
YES! As a divorced woman, I experienced this too! My friends or mothers of my daughters' schoolfriends avoiding letting the husbands alone with me. I found it somehow insulting; being divorced does not mean I'll go around stealing husbands. This never even crossed my mind. From where did women get that idea? Is that a stereotype?
Doyle notes that communication and honesty can help move past both toxic femininity and masculinity. “Instead of rescuing, ask people what they would like to have happen and give them the tools to do it themselves. Instead of being a victim, state clearly what you would like to have happen and police your own boundaries. And instead of persecuting, check your assumptions and instead notice the pattern or process that needs fixing, not the people.”
Meanwhile, here’s a refresher about toxic femininity’s partner in crime, toxic masculinity. Psychotherapist Silva Neves told me earlier that toxic masculinity is a general attitude perpetuated by systemic misogyny, as well as a set of distorted ideas about what men should be like.
Some of these ideas include not showing vulnerability, striving to always be winners, and not being weak or soft.
#7
Probably the whole “I’m not like other girls” thing. What’s wrong with other girls? You can value yourself without [stepping] on others.
SPQRBob 4 years ago
A single voice: I'm not. Crowd: Shhh! - (Credit to Monty Python's Life of Brian)
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Thorfin Wolfsbane 4 years ago
When I hear someone say “I’m not like other girls”, I expect them to turn into a werewolf
Raven DeathShade 4 years ago
I'm not like other girls. I lead the Companions, I'm a werewolf, I'm the head of the Thieves Guild, I'm the Listener of the Dark Brotherhood, the Thane of many Holds, the fated Dragonborn, and also I'm a Kahjiit.
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Aria Whitaker 4 years ago
Oh I hate that one too. In college, my friends and I called them "Pick Me's". They are so desperate for validation from a guy that they will completely trash and throw their own fellow women under the bus to "prove" how cool and "different" they are from other girls. It reeks of insecurity and is just so cringe!
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Biljana Malesevic 4 years ago
When I was a teenager I so much wanted to be like other girls. But I was (and still am) depressed and suffered from body dysmorphia.
ChickyChicky 4 years ago
More of those "other girls" are like you than aren't.
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Parmeisan 4 years ago
But you can say you're not typical without de-valuing the norm. I am not the norm. Doesn't mean I have anything against the norm, I'm just not like them. Yes, there are lots of girls who aren't the norm, but when you grow up not meeting anyone like you, that's what sticks with you. Maybe I'm giving people too much credit, but I think that might be all they mean.
Sapna Sarfare 4 years ago
precisely... honestly, i dont know how to respond to something like this when a guy says that me... if i am not like other girls (in a positive way that is), how the hell are we are not dating? Even with me who say this to make the woman special, they end up marrying these not like other girls... what does it even mean>
Daria B 4 years ago
Just say "of course I'm not like the other 'girls'... I'm a woman."
Load More Replies... John Topper 4 years ago
I don't think considering yourself outside of the mainstream implies any condescension to the main stream. It's just that this person considers themselves different from most. I mean if they say something like "I'm not like most girls in that I don't like to murder clowns" that would be different.
Louloubelle 4 years ago
My husband has a friend whose wife always says this. My theory is, because she wants to be the center of attention among men, she doesn't even try to make friends with other women. Can't stand the competition.
#8
Toxic feminism to me is hating ALL men. Not all men are the same. Those kind of girls make it a point to spread that hate and make it a big movement. I understand everyone has had their experiences with men who have hurt them, but to spread such hate and make it their personality?? Not cool.
Michelle M 4 years ago
There's a Twitter country of Toxic feminists. It's sad because they're destroying the work of the real feminists and teaching rubbish to the coming generation.
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
No need to search twitter. Half of the topics on BP are about how all men are compulsive rapists, d!ckheads and misogynists with double standards applied. Woman hits man unprovoked over a silly thing. "WOW, that's so HILAREOUS!!!" Man hits woman unprovoked over a silly thing. "WHAT A DOUCHE!"
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Aliquid A 4 years ago
This is toxic, but not "toxic femininity". The cultural stereotype of "feminine" is to love men and swoon over them, so there is nothing "feminine" about this behavior. Maybe this is "toxic feminism", but it is not "toxic femininity".
MoeTaeTae 4 years ago
I was just going to write this same thing, but I thought I'd check and see if someone else did first, and here you are!
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Raven DeathShade 4 years ago
I like pigs. Pigs are cute. But all men are people, who vary greatly and are never completely the same from person to person.
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Beverly Meldrum 4 years ago
I totally agree. I was in an abusive relationship for many years and got out. At a counseling group session all the women were male bashing. I had to get up and leave. Just because one man was terrible doesn't mean they all are that way. I have many wonderful men in my life!
Carrie Laughs 4 years ago
Think that very much depends on the context. I've read comments on BP articles with men going 'not all men' when no-one actually said it was. It can be prudent to save the protest for when it's needed.
Load More Replies... John Topper 4 years ago
We used to call these people "feminazis" and we never mistook them for feminists. They were considered by most to be something completely different.
John Topper 4 years ago
Actually I'm going to debunk my own argument here because I've talked to conservatives who didn't know the difference ...
Load More Replies... #9
Calling every single disagreement mansplaining.
Rob Dabank 4 years ago
Or indeed calling any kind of explaining mansplaining.... "I didn't have a ticket and so he starts manspaining to me where to buy a ticket" - no, he was explaining where to buy a ticket.
Load More Replies... Scagsy 4 years ago
Agreed. It started out being used to describe patronising and condescending advice from men. These days, it gets trotted out every time a man says something a woman doesn't agree with. I agreed with it at first but not so much now.
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Mazer 4 years ago
A lot of people don’t know how to debate things, they don’t know how to apply critical thinking. If they’re feeling like they’re losing a conversation or a debate always reduce them selves to third grade behavior and start calling the other person names. As soon as the other person reduces the debate to third grade level you know you’ve won
Dre Mosley 4 years ago
Yep. Not every guy giving his opinion on something is "mansplaining" If he's being patronizing and condescending about it, sure but that isn't always the case.
Peter Spiess 3 years ago
...Or mumsplaining, where the female, (not your mother) talks down to you like your a ten year old little boy, (even thou your 20years older than her!)
Daniel Marsh 4 years ago (edited)
Or even misunderstandings. For a great example, look at the way BoredPanda's staff writer went ballistic over comments about a shooter trying VERY hard to be cool... not just LOOK cool, but actually BE cool, for the sake of her aim in the Olympics, using a very lightly recoiling gun. Nothing about the picture suggested that context, and nearly all the comments were only about how cool she was being, but there were some mostly very light suggestions about her posture from people to whom guns are self-defense, not sport, and this of course meant she was the victim of horrible, stifling mansplaining. Even the criticisms were nothing approaching, "she's doing it wrong" or "look at this silly woman," but rather merely commenting that her pose was "not ideal" for self-defense.
“Men with toxic masculinity usually have negative views towards women's rights (including their rights to the freedom of their own sexuality) and they tend to be homophobic,” Silva told Bored Panda.
“A man with healthy masculinity is the opposite to these traits: someone who is self-reflective, embraces their emotions including sadness, anxiety and crying, a man who isn't afraid of their own femininity and believes that women are equal, and therefore are very clear about respecting boundaries and consent with women,” the expert continued.
According to Silva, healthy masculinity means that an individual “embraces gender, sex, and relationship diversities including gay men and transgender people. Someone who is comfortable with their opinions to be challenged and able to have debates.”
#10
Mother who treat other people [poorly] and then justify it by saying they're a mama bear
RoseTheMad 4 years ago
Mothers who think that only a mother can be tired and in pain etc... ugh
Lara Verne 4 years ago
Or mothers who thinks that being mothers gives them right to look down on childless women.
deanna woods 4 years ago
My mom is a very good mama bear, but she doesn't treat others like crap.
#11
When we s**t all over men and boys, while calling it "Modern Feminism". We don't have to deconstruct and destroy everything masculine just for women to be equal. That is literally the opposite of equality and should be offensive to everyone.
Aliquid A 4 years ago
This is not "Toxic femininity", this is "toxic feminism". Sounds very similar, but different concepts. Other examples on this thread are good, but this slightly misses the mark
Rata Robinson 4 years ago
Totally agree! Tbh the trend where every ad on tv or family comedy shows the man as an absolute moron while the woman saves the day may seem hilarious, but what about the boys watching stuff like that and getting the message that men are dumb, insensitive jokes. One of the highest rates of suicide is among teenage boys, they don't need this crap. A lot of us "superior" women are mothers of these boys, and it's terrifying...
kjorn 4 years ago
media give too much airtime to this "modem feminism"... and yet you never see them complain about problem womans from other country faces.
Hannah M 4 years ago
Which are, undoubtedly, far more legitimate and damaging problems
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StrawberryParfait 4 years ago
Good lord. Yet another poster who understands nothing about feminism. Color me shocked!
#12
Being pressured to have children. Women can be incredibly toxic when they find out that someone made a different choice regarding procreation. Personally I think mothers that hate on childless women regret their choice to have children and lash out at those they secretly envy for their (perceived) freedom.
El muerto 4 years ago
this is a common behaviour, attacking others that made different choices, because somehow you feel that your choices are being attack, by them...meat eater vs vegetarians(I eat meat myself), childfree vs parents. believers vs non believers...very human, jet very stupid
Scagsy 4 years ago
I'd like to present you with this (imaginary) award for Best Comment On The Thread! 🏆 You're bang on the money.
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Mystery Egg 4 years ago
Yes. I chose never to have any as a teenager. I used to get 'you'll change your mind' which I found insulting because I know my own mind. Now in my 40's, women look at me with pity as if I am barren. I have given up explaining that I just never wanted any. I just say that I despise children and that shuts them up. I don't, for the record.
abby smink 4 years ago (edited)
Isn't it always strangers and people you barely know, though? Or at least I feel like it is. My family has always supported my decision and knows why I made it.
Load More Replies... Caro Caro 4 years ago
I agree. I chose not to have children and have been called selfish (always by women with children).
Carrie Laughs 4 years ago
I always am puzzled by the view that not having children is selfish. People have children because, drum roll please, they WANT them. Not for the good of the planet. They literally are doing it to please themselves.
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Jayne Kyra 4 years ago
Just an FYI: "Childless" is used to refer to women who often want, but cannot have children. "Childfree" is a term used for those who do not want any children.
NsG 4 years ago (edited)
Good point. Unfortunately, the types of women mentioned will still hate on the childless - their wanting a child doesn't enter into it; no child exists, therefore they are "free". Sometimes these women overlap with the "C-section isn't really giving birth/breast is best/adoption isn't really motherhood" crowd as well. Essentially ANYTHING that is counter to their choices and experience puts their choices and world view at risk and must therefore be challenged at every opportunity. Reality and nuance rarely enter into it.
Load More Replies... Celeste Grant 4 years ago
Add to this how some women with children drop their child less friends because they only want to surround themselves with other mummies, usually with the excuse that someone without children just can't understand what a parent goes through. It really hurts to be excluded, and made to feel less important because you don't have a child. I hate being told things like I'll never understand being tired until I've had a newborn, or even that I shouldn't mind working late so that those colleagues with kids can go home earlier to be with those kids. Being child less hurts, and it's made worse by this type of mother.
Ozacoter 4 years ago
This is happening to one of my best friends. All her female friends except me are having babies and they dont invite her anymore to go anything because she doesnt have kids. She is reallysad about it
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Aisling Raye 4 years ago
This! For context, I am child free by choice. When I was in my twenties I worked in an office with mostly women. It started with the "do you have kids?" questions. Then the "you've got to get started" "you're getting older now" "have you started trying" questions started. It got to a point that I just started lying and saying I couldn't have children. So then it became about the "solidarity" talk. "It took me so long to get pregnant" "I did IVF" "I did acupuncture and essential oils" (that one at least made me laugh) "try this position" etc. Can we all please agree that the sex lives of others is a private thing and maybe leave it alone? I know they're trying to be friendly but I'm not sure they realize sex talk isn't office talk lol. I'm forty now so it has greatly slowed down in both my professional and personal life.
Aisling Raye 4 years ago
Have kids, don't have kids. Love them or despise them. None of it matters and none of those choices make you a better or worse person. Sorry for the rant, this one just gets under my skin.
Load More Replies... Ozacoter 4 years ago
This. I need a hysterectomy for medical reasons and I have a very high chance of dying/being very ill if I ever get pregnant. I am 31yo so not a child. My "aunts in law" told my partner the other day how it is reasonable to deny it to me "because she might chabge her mind". Change my mind about not wanting to die? F**k them. The worse part is that they are a lesbian left wing couple with no kids. You would expect them to understand...
Frankenfrog 4 years ago
Wow, so your husband should just deny you a choice over your own body. I hope he told them to shove it
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Mark Weber 4 years ago
I also think as a father being pressured into an unplanned pregnancy, then causing trouble because said mum believed we would stay together (even though we never were) and somehow Always knows best. This causes much heartache knowing that I love children and my own child as much. To run from toxic situation one is labeled a "deadbeat" but constantly fighting or standing up to the toxic behavior just seems to make the situation worse. Then turning around and constantly playing the victim.
Lila Wells 4 years ago
This is so true! I've said this before on another article, but I'll say it again. My husband and I both have decided that we dont want kids- we don't want to have to raise another human being and stress over them our entire lives. Sadly, my mother and father disagree. Whenever I visit them my mother will tell me I'm sinning (they are christian, I am not) and that our duty as woman is to give birth to beautiful babies. It's made the relationship with my mother and father horrible, and I sometimes cant stand visiting them because they always pressure me to get pregnant. My husband has revealed that they said to consider tricking me into getting pregnant, because I was "meant to give birth as a woman on God's earth. Doing anything else is a sin."
#13
Some women are so judgemental about other women, particularly when it comes to looks or fashion.
Also the women who seem to enjoy forming cliques and cutting out anyone they deem to be an outsider.
Worked with an office full of them once. It really sucked!
Carrie Laughs 4 years ago
So glad I have met few like this. Bitchiest person I know is my brother in law,
I I 4 years ago
my younger brother is the biggest bitch i know , so bad i had to cut him out my life
Load More Replies... Foxxy (The Original) 4 years ago (edited)
Women are often the worst to other women. I keep to myself when I drop my kids off at school coz there is just too many cliques and I have no interest in being a part of that. Too bitchy.
Scagsy 4 years ago
Happened to my poor 60-year-old mum. She had to move from a small town office to the big city. Most of the other women were bragging about their Gucci this or Armani that. My dear mum has never bothered with things like that and they excluded her on that basis. She was so upset that her hair fell out. Thankfully, she's settled in now and has a friend similar to herself but the others still give them the cold shoulder. It's horrible. Mean bitches.
Carrie Laughs 4 years ago
Designer labels seem to me to be for people who don't mind being tricked into believing something is better merely because it has a 'name'. See Balenciaga's latest offering today? A jumper that looks like a dog got hold of it and chewed it first. They must be playing with us!
Load More Replies... Lovin' Life 4 years ago
"Just be yourself! Those that matter don't mind, and those that mind don't matter."-Dr. SEUSS
Brandy Grote 4 years ago
Being old and fat has removed me from this. That and I'm oblivious to people judging me because I'm fat and happy.
Vasana Phong 4 years ago
This is so middle schooling behavior, if it moves forward to adulthood, there’s a problem
#14
Harassing/Calling police on fathers(or other legit male caregivers) minding their own business bringing their kids to a public park.
Premislaus de Colo 4 years ago
OMG I can soooo relate to that being a single dad to two daughters... I understand and appreciate social awareness and so on, but single mum with two sons will not meet with the problems I deal with. And honestly, people who think it's shady for a guy to live alone with two teen daughters are real pervs. I mean s**t, they're my kids, what's in your head? This is not solely a toxic feminity thoug, applies to men as well.
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
Let them visit the Netherlands where it's normal to see men playing with their kids, taking them shopping or having a walk or a bicycle ride.
Adél Gáspár 4 years ago
Some time ago I overheard two mums talking next to a small shallow pond (that had a tiny barrier around) talking about this dad with her 2 young kids who stepped through the barrier to have a look at water plants (he was very careful constantly supervising the kids-generally a cool dad who wants to show nature to his kids in a city) and they kept just ranting loudly about him and pointing at him constantly how horrible he is and how dangerous it is (smallest pond ever). Just leave parents and mind you own business.. also they seemed the most unnatural/botox mums I've ever seen-at least poor guy tried to get close to nature with the kids and show some adventure.
Two_rolling_black_eyes 4 years ago
In my life, almost all of the divorced father's ended up with primary custody of the kids. There are been so many times when we are out in public and someone makes a snide comment about "must be watching the kids while the wife is shopping" or something similar. One of them has gotten so fed up with it, he's switched to the truth. "No, she abandoned them and I adopted the one I was not the birth-father of". They go away embarrassed. A good parent is a good parent regardless of any other demographic feature.
John Baker 4 years ago
Ever notice that whenever you see a news item about cops being called on someone who wasn't breaking any laws or bothering anyone, the caller is almost always a fortyish or older white woman?
J. Normal 4 years ago
Thank you, I did realize I "judge?" a bit when I see a single man with some kids, I usually wait to catch his attention and give him a smile and a thumbs up - good job kind of look ( there is usually some type of juggle/ struggle grocery store). I will Now be sure to do it when I see women more ( I already did some). Parenting can be hard, and I hope any encouragement helps.
#15
"If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best"
Sorry - that's not how life works.
Immortal Emperor Paradox 4 years ago
I don't think the given statement is entirely incorrect. Worst and best here describe social/political/economic condition of the individual, not the person's behavior. As an Asian, (more specifically Indian) I've seen many people who were disregarded by their relatives and/or friends just because they were going through a tough time but tried to hop back in when the person succeeds and begins to live a very good life. A person who sticks to you when you're at your worst, when your value has plummeted to near zero means that (unless that guy is a mastermind) the person has genuine affection for you, and isn't just because of some benefits.
Jon Steensen 4 years ago
There is some truth in what you are saying. However you most often hear the statement above presented as a justification people use for why they should be allowed to act as complete jerks and not care about anything but themselves and their needs. Of course you should not expect all days to be filled with roses icrecream and happiness, as you will inevitably experience the not so pretty side of another person in a relationship if it lasts long enough, and you should be allowed to fall apart every now and then, but at least you should always consider your partners feelings and try to act in a way that does not harm them instead of just quoting your rights to do as it pleases you because you are such a wonderful person.
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AzKhaleesi 4 years ago
IDK I can kinda agree with this sentiment. Some men expect women to just be happy and sweet all the time, life doesn't work like that. So that part is true, if you can't handle my mood swings, depression or just life in general than why should you also get my best side?
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
If you can't make an effort to be at your best, I don't have an obligation to suffer you at your worst.
RenaMoonlight 4 years ago
The thing is that this quote can be used in different contexts. Like for example if I'm at my worst (mentally/disease), and I'm at my best (healthy). This quote is usually not used in context with behavior.
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Adrian Ceroni 4 years ago
This phrase is just used wrong. People use it to excuse bad behavior when it should be in supporting people at low points in their lives.
Rob Dabank 4 years ago
Just to finish that quote for you - "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best" - Charles Manson, 1969
Jon S. 4 years ago
"This quote is generally misattributed to Marilyn Monroe, but it doesn't have a verified source." -Dictionary.com
Load More Replies... v 4 years ago (edited)
Actually, this is how life works. Everybody, including you who made this comment, have their worst and best days and everything in between. If you think the person you choose to be with for an extended period of time or for life is only worthy based upon their best days you are sadly, immensely, mistaken. To deserve that person at their best you have to accept them at their worst, just the same as they you.
Mariya Stoyanova 4 years ago
It depends on the context. If it is an excuse to be a b$#@ch, yes, I agree. As with "I am just being honest" BS. But it can also mean that a person who only likes you in your good days doesn't genuinely care about you
Katherine Boag 4 years ago
It kinda is how life works. In sickness and in health? For richer or poorer?
#16
Probably the culture around eating.
When I was 17-18, a few friends kept saying how much more attractive I’d be if I lost weight, how that’s why most guys weren’t into me, how I’d regret not being skinny in college, etc. My BMI was slightly under 25, so I wasn’t overweight, but I was close to it, especially compared to them.
So I basically became anorexic from 18-20 just because the feedback was like a high. I recovered, but not enough to make my mom and others happy, even though my BMI was 22-23. This continued for years between friends and family, and it was exhausting cycling between being too skinny or not average enough.
That’s really the only strong example I can think of. No matter the trendy body shape, the criticism from others will always continue. I’ve only had one guy ever comment on my weight compared to the many, many women, even strangers
Carrie Laughs 4 years ago
Funny, only people who have commented on my weight recently were men. Wrong whoever does it.
Mystery Egg 4 years ago
I've been overweight since childhood (i'm mid-40's now) and I have been publicly fat shamed by strangers more times than I care to remember. 100% of the abuse came from men. First time I vividly remember; I was only 13 and it was a car full of men in their 20's who actually stopped their car to shout obscenities at me and laugh. I have to say, I have never had this abhorrent treatment from women. Ever.
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Brandy Layton 4 years ago
Had another little league mom tell me " You know I was talking with the other moms and we all think you have a beautiful face and you'd be very attractive if you lost weight." I was crushed. Especially since it was said in front of my kids.
Lovin' Life 4 years ago
Been there myself. I went from 120 to 85lbs. I nearly killed myself in the process. Even now at a healthy weight, the cycle continues. Bulimia and anorexia are all to real and unhealthy and mostly caused by judgmental thoughts and behaviors
Nannerdog 4 years ago
I hope you know how incredibly amazing you are for surviving those diseases and thriving! Been there too. People don't get how excruciating it is. Continued struggles will come and go at times but the way you stabilized your life is absolutely impressive. Congratulations, I'm proud of you!
Load More Replies... Two_rolling_black_eyes 4 years ago
The only time to comment about another person's weight is if they ask. The guy who looks like he just lost 20lb could have cancer and that woman who looks pregnant may be stress eating due to depression from losing a child. Telling a big person umprompted the 10lb they lost looks good actually just reminds them you are judging them for being too large.
Darth Kittius 4 years ago
I also was anorexic. I'm still in recovery and I am finally a healthy 128 at the age of 17. However, two of my now former friends at school would tell me that I was so much prettier when I was skinny. I'm not overweight, I just have normal curves now. It really hurt
Nicola Roberts 4 years ago
This is not a light bulb moment but I do wonder about the relationship between self worth, social media and eating disorders (for everyone, not just girls).
#17
A girl in the grade below me (I’m a senior in high school at this point) passed away unexpectedly due to sepsis. Our whole city was in shock as the girl was in the school just days before her passing.
I remember I met up with my gf at the time & she asked, “Why do so many people care about her dying? It’s not like she was pretty anyways.”
This was the type of girl that says, “What??!! I am SOOO nice.”
Safe to say, the lord blessed me with a brain and I GTFO’D that relationship.
To this day, she is still in contact with me & recently she complained that guys use her & she can’t figure out why nobody will be with her.
Well honey, I don’t think it takes a rocket scientist to figure that one out.
Foxxy (The Original) 4 years ago (edited)
That's just f****d up. Guess I shouldn't expect anyone to care when I die then coz I am far from pretty lol. Such a stupid thing to say.
Michelle M 4 years ago
We all know foxxy is the realest bored panda. Just write us in your will before you die 😉
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Nat Hedley 4 years ago (edited)
Maybe it shook her to realise that her looks are not the key to being loved that she thought they were.
Jenny Takala 4 years ago
This is an example of the poor character of an individual, not "toxic femininity".
Mystery Egg 4 years ago
Wow, I think that's a nasty characteristic of this particular guy's gf. I don't know any women that are this vile.
Aria Whitaker 4 years ago
I was just thinking the same, Mystery. SO many of these just seem to be negative characteristics of THOSE PARTICULAR WOMEN...not a widespread, sustained societal "toxic femininity"...I dont think they understood the assignment. LOL
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Lynn Smith 4 years ago
You could have done her a favor by explaining. Given her something to think about at least. Instead you supported her ideas by saying nothing to her - just behind her back as you have here.
#18
Putting other women down for liking girly things and not wanting to be CEOs etc. Ages ago a woman I knew commented on an news article about women who love to wear mermaid tails and go swimming with it. She said women should aim to be CEOs and not mermaids. I happened to have one of those tails and love mermaids. I’m 37 now and still do! Doesn’t mean I am stupid or aim low. I don’t want to be a CEO, it’s not who I am.
Candace Fitzpatrick 4 years ago
Me as well, as a mermaid I wouldn’t need to have my phone on 24/7
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Two_rolling_black_eyes 4 years ago (edited)
A woman wearing a mermaid tail and wanting to go swimming is no different than a woman wearing a Tom Brady jersey and fantasizing about starting in the super bowl or a guy dressing up as Princess Leia and heading to ComicCon. We should allow each other to play make believe after puberty. There's also no reason why the CEO couldn't do any of these three in their free time.
13 4 years ago
Can I be a CEO mermaid? Just roll up to the boardmeeting in a fish tank? Best. Meeting. Ever.
Georgia Hebert 4 years ago
Make them come to you by the sea!! Also best meeting ever!!
Load More Replies... albernistuff 4sale 4 years ago (edited)
Do what makes you happy (as long as your aren't a sadist or serial killer, but that should be obvious from context). Wanna be a stonkin rich CEO? Don't let other stop you. If you want to work part-time as a motivational speaker and live in a van down by the river? That is the freedom that was so hard fought for.
Debra Timah 4 years ago
Humans are multi-dimensional - one can aspire to both ;-), and many other things too :-)
Mystery Egg 4 years ago
I always wanted to be a mermaid. I work with CEO's, CFO's board directors and mermaids are way cooler and more interesting!
Bob Belcher 4 years ago
Not every man wants to be CEO either. Many of us rather spend more time at home helping or playing.
#19
The divorce playbook. First you kick your husband out of his own house. Then you go to a judge and claim that you are afraid of you spouse and get a PFA. Then you go to family court as the poor helpless woman and take every dime he has then s**t talk him to his own kids. Mine was more amicable than that but I have seen it happen to more than one guy.
Draperdorf 4 years ago
I've no doubt that this is something that some spiteful and resentful women do. However, I'm also aware that narcissistic abusers (of either gender) will also say this exact same thing when they are actually the one in the wrong, as that it basically their MO. Having been through a couple of victim survivor programmes for abused women myself, I've seen far too many wonderful, abuse-survivors being slated like this by their exes. Women who are like this post also make it worse for those who aren't but are being portrayed as being so by their abusers. Hope I make sense
Angela B 4 years ago
Thank you. As a woman that got dragged through Court by her Ex, I am here to tell you that there are women that get a really raw deal too.
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Premislaus de Colo 4 years ago
Oh boy. I got ripped apart by a woman judge at my divorce because "although your wife expressed some aggressive behaviour it was mainly verbal and you could have stood up to this". Then the fight for custody, lost because I'm a guy and the kids are girls, so they need mum more. Half year later ex waive the custody to me, I file for allimony and get the lowest possible, even though I live in a rented 2-bedroom apartment while my ex keeps the house. Why? Because I'm a guy, so I should be OK. Ex-wife sells the house moves out with new BF - I have no problem with that - leave work, spends money from the house on him and herself and barely sees the kids. I file for higher alimony, but the judge feels this is wrong, because I work and she doesn't.
Tami 4 years ago
Sorry you had to go through all that crap. The courts certainly tend to side with the women. My husband went through some similar hell after his divorce. Not fair at all.
Load More Replies... Nubmaeme 4 years ago
When my husband and I got divorced, it was a mutual agreement. We even used the same lawyer because we only needed someone to do the legal stuff. I left him the house but took the furniture. I only asked for a one-time lump sum payment, instead of continuous maintenance payments. That lump sum was to help with the down payment on my new house in another state. He thought he was getting a raw deal until the lawyer explained to him what I was actually entitled to but not asking for. I only wanted to part ways and live my own life, and let him do the same. We're still friends. In fact, we get along better now that we don't live with each other than we did when we were married.
Chuck Royal 4 years ago
I knew a guy one time who was going through something like this. He had actually been jailed at one point for abuse allegations. The thing is, he was able to put together legal documents that showed she had done the exact same thing - verbatim in places to her previous husband.
Grimhild 4 years ago
I genuinely needed a protection order against my abusive ex. He sabotaged my vehicle to the point it almost blew up on me, shut utilities off in my house in the middle of winter with his children in the house no less, stalked me, destroyed my reputation, etc... I couldn't get a protection order because I needed to be physically abused despite proof of his abuse otherwise. He was physically abusive when we were still together mind you. The police never did anything about it when they were called except take him a few blocks away to "cool down". I definitely got it later when he came back. These manipulators make me sick.
Dre Mosley 4 years ago
Downvoted by women in denial. It does happen ladies. . .a lot. Your downvotes won't make it not be true
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Biljana Malesevic 4 years ago
This is something that happens in rich countries which are in minority, mostly women pull the short end of the stick in divorce. At least in my country. And this trope is so misused to judge women as "getting everything in life easily" when that is really not the case.
SykesDaMan 4 years ago
In my country (not a rich country) guys get screwed over almost all the time.
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DragonflyGreen 4 years ago
Ohhhh I have also seen it happen to plenty of women. This post alone is toxic femininity because it happens both ways.
Requiem 4 years ago
i worked in a court house. most guys there wouldnt get married or have kids after seeing the THOUSANDS of dollars a month and house and car women would get. like living off the govt, you have no incentive to not be useless when your being paid a years salary per month to sit on your ass.
Jennifer Norton 4 years ago
100% this, when my ex and I got divorced so many people were telling me to set all his stuff on fire and lie and make sure I got the most out of him. Like all I wanted was for me and my kid to get away from him. I wasn't interested in revenge. People that carry that stuff around and do these kind of things are the worst. It's been 6 years and I have never once done, or wished anything bad on him. It's really freeing acting like a sane adult!
#20
The kind of lady that believes a man needs to be a provider is toxic. Also women that look down on men that are shorter than them are toxic af.
Vasana Phong 4 years ago (edited)
Yep, I’m the breadwinner in my household due to my husband’s physical disability, woman that think like this brings us back a hundred years
Mary Bohlen 4 years ago (edited)
I was pushing my (late) husband in his wheelchair once and an old woman said "He should be pushing you!" Like, what the actual f**k?!?
Load More Replies... Lovin' Life 4 years ago
I am 4" taller than my man! The only time I look down on him is to kiss him.
Katherine Boag 4 years ago
Its fine for a woman to expect her man to be the breadwinner, as long as she finds a partner that shares her views, and doesnt judge other people for doing things differently.
Nat Hedley 4 years ago
Lazy parasites who've been raised to believe they're entitled to permanent holiday once they're married. Actual quote from an older generation version of this, said to me when I was 36 (and she knew my age): 'Goodness, I wouldn't have wanted to be still working at YOUR age.' WTF. Make your contribution! (N.B. I'm not talking about homemakers, they are full time workers).
Pamela Blue 4 years ago
Nothing toxic about that as long as she is with a man who feels the need to be the provider. Nothing wrong with any relationship as long as both parties are getting what they need out of it.
Sky Render 4 years ago
Society really does like to reinforce those two stereotypes. Even sitcoms written in 2021 are still making fun of short guys with tall girls and women who are the income driver in their family.
Rens 4 years ago
I am just under 6-ft 1 1and I've always been taller than everybody I've dated except for my ex-husband who is 6-foot 6. I have no problems being taller than my partners; my current boyfriend has curvature of the neck and spine so he's quite a bit shorter than me and he's bald and I love kissing his bald spot ❤️
Paul Beebe 3 years ago
My mom and my sister convinced my niece that a "real Man" pays all the bills, buys flowers everyday and says yes to everything she says... guess who is 35, unmarried and has had only maybe 3 serious relationships in her entire life? ...and doesn't look to have anyone important in her life any time soon?
Tammie Braggs 3 years ago
I cut off communication with an acquaintance because her entire relationship requirement was based on a man’s ablility to financially take care of her. I’ve lost track of the number of times she’s been fired because she has zero work ethic.
#21
Being shamed for natural functions. I know men do it too (to an extent) but women are more likely, I feel, to judge body hair, wrinkles, grey hairs, etc.
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
My wife belches like a drunken sailor so I don't hear her farts.
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Biljana Malesevic 4 years ago
Before Instagram and other internet stuff (I am old haha) men not only didn't notice cellulite, some body hair, or any imperfections you think you have, but many had no idea what are stretch marks or what cellulite is. Even now, I think still mainly affected by cruel beauty industry are again women.
Karl Baxter 4 years ago
My missus and I communicate through the medium of flatulence first thing in the morning - and at various other times of the day as well when we’ll mark each other out of 10 or add a riposte like “That’s working - now try your lights”, “Speak on sweet lips that never told a lie”, “Mr Bond, behold the instruments of Armageddon!”, etc.
Carol Emory 4 years ago
I was standing with a group of friends and my husband. One couple (married) was expecting their first kid in a few weeks. I turned away for a second and heard this loud "BBBRRRAAAAAAPPPPPPP!!!!" I turned back and all of the guys were looking at the pregnant friend who was smacking her lips like "Ahhh...I needed that." I said "The gauntlet has been thrown down men...Who is next?" They all laughed.
cybermerlin2000 4 years ago
I rank my daughter and my fiancées farts based on volume, duration and smell and congratulate them if they get a high score. Bonus points for bringing tears to my eyes!
Pepper Sergent 4 years ago
You haven't lived until you've had 4 of your female coworkers corner you one day at the cafeteria and ask you to justify not shaving the hair on your arms. I was a 30 year old female. They didn't understand when I told them the layers of "unappropriate" this whole conversation was.
#22
As a woman, I have absolutely zero respect for women who use their femininity to get men to do their job for them. The "oh no! I don't know how to do this, can you do it for me" women I have seen at work are pathetic. Even more pathetic are the men who think stepping in and doing a simple task for a lazy female coworker will actually get them anywhere.
Kate Fei 4 years ago
I think this goes for both genders. My husband tries this with cooking ("oh but I dont know how to cook that" / "but you are better at cooking anyway"). Or when he does something he does it badly so I want to do it myself next time (i.e. cleaning).
Ozacoter 4 years ago
True. My father has used that excuse for all his life to never do the laundry. Its pathetic either way.
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Serial pacifist 4 years ago (edited)
Also, when examples of women doing jobs such as being a truck driver or a soldier are promoted as a sign of "empowerment of women". Those are jobs just like any other and it should not be promoted as a miracle that a woman can drive a truck or shoot a gun (which is not the job of my personal liking anyway). Yes, women were once not given the right to do certain jobs, but real women empowerment is having women as generals and not only soldiers, running governments, political parties, corporations, and the whole executive branch where they are still way more discriminated than in any other field.
jk nbt 4 years ago (edited)
there was a group of small-framed women that demanded the legal right to be allowed to be hired into the local fire department, even though the hiring standards specified a certain minimum for height, weight, and passing a fitness test with a test for lifting a certain amount of weight. There was no test or restriction based on gender. Facing an expensive lawsuit, the city backed down and lowered its standards. The problem is, these women are too small and weak to carry a wounded or unconscious fellow firefighter to safety who is a large man. A male firefighter going into a building and going down with injury will be fatal in that case, if the only one who can help him is a 5'2" woman who weighs 105 pounds.
Two_rolling_black_eyes 4 years ago
They're not going to hire a 5'2" male who weighs 105 lb either. I worked with girls baling hay who can throw them higher up into the barn than the boys standing next to them. A person's ability to carry someone else is not depending on whether they have an innie or outie, its whether they can meet the other requirements. If the 140lb female firefighter at my church was strong enough to carry a fellow wounded soldier in a full pack 3/4mi after a IED went off, I'm confident she can carry my unconscious self down 2 flights of stairs.
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Tam illo 4 years ago
I work at construction and I get so much sh** and mansplaining for the way I do my work from coworkers (although my my supervisors are satisfied with the results) that I want to scream at them to leave me the f*** alone. But THAT would be escalating. So sometimes I just use this tactic to get a few minutes of silence. I hate it, everytime I do it, but it's the only thing I found, that helps them shut up for some time.
Lady Snowfall 4 years ago
I used this tactic exactly ONCE, in high school biology class. I couldn't stomach dissecting the worm...
staygoldponyboy 4 years ago
Why do you assume these women are lazy or can't perform their jobs? Maybe they have just leveled up in the game, using their unique skills to outwit their opponents. You can't have it both ways- some women find empowerment in their femininity and some find it in other ways. What's the old saying; don't hate the player, baby, hate the game.
Klas Klättermus 4 years ago
A bit toxic this post isn't it? Calling men pathetic for helping women that litterally asks them for help (even if they are beeing used by the women)
Derek Neibarger 4 years ago
I spent 16 years as the only male employee in an office that averaged 30-40 staff. I never had a co-worker do this. I was often asked to explain processes to others, as I had years of experience, but overall my female co-workers were very competent and hard working. And in all honesty, many of them were better employees than myself. Sure, there were exceptions, but their failings had nothing to gender toxicity or stereotypes. They just simply weren't a good fit for our department.
Unnamed Hooman 4 years ago
Some guys like helping, but don’t be completely helpless, if you know how to do something, don’t pretend it’s ‘way too hard’
François Carré 4 years ago
That happens a lot in my job since I'm literally surrounded by women. Even coworkers I really appreciate keep on enraging me with that kind of s**t, "we've waited for you to lift that thing / fix the computer / run the audiovisual equipment, these are boy's stuff". Come on.
#23
I'm a lesbian and I've had plenty of straight women react to this with complete puzzlement. Have I ever TRIED having a boyfriend? Who fixes things around my apartment when they break? Who kills bugs? You know, there ARE good guys out there...
Valisbourne Spiritforge 4 years ago
This comment kills me and I'm not gay. The "Have you ever TRIED XXXX" bit. To me, that's the same as asking if I've ever tried dating a guy to know if I was gay or not.
StormsTempest 4 years ago
No one kills bugs on my watch, unless they're a mosquito then they can burn in hell
Vicky Zar 4 years ago
Please gay people, ask hetero people if they have tried dating their own gender.
Evil Little Thing 4 years ago
We do. They get very confused and offended, and almost never connect it to their annoying "but have tried being straight?" questions. Every once in a while they admit they tried gay sex once but didn't like it. So that's fair at least.
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Zedrapazia 4 years ago
I'm not a lesbian, but I can fix the stuff in my house myself, and I don't need a slave to slap flies for me
Don't Look 4 years ago
Being a lesbian is no excuse to kill bugs. 🤣. Ah * sigh. I’m getting downvoted.
Donkey boi 4 years ago
1: I'm allergic to nuts! 2: Have you ever tried a nut? Cashews are nice...
Sky Render 4 years ago
If I ever got that, I'd probably say, "Yes, clearly my understanding of myself is worse than your understanding of myself, random stranger! Thank you for opening my eyes!"
#24
I’ve got a quote from an ex.
“My girlfriend Sandra got a 2 carat diamond ring if I don’t get at least a 4 carat ring I’m literally going to die.”
Andrew Gibb 4 years ago
This is what 4 carrots looks like to me and most men. 4-carrots-...04e6bc.jpg 
Foxxy (The Original) 4 years ago
Ugh, stupid competitions. I have absolutely no idea what carat my diamonds are and I don't give a f**k. I even picked the ring set myself, was on sale for under $300.
Andrew Bridge 4 years ago
Well that's because they're talking crap, diamonds don't come in carrots!
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Katie Lutesinger 4 years ago
I knew a guy who was dating a jeweller. He proposed by giving her a lump of platinum, and after she had said yes she made both rings custom. I always thought that was pretty cool.
J. Normal 4 years ago
I would have pulled out a gun and shot her. ( joking... mods)
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A Jones 4 years ago
or glass. tbh hard to tell the difference with the nakkid eye
Load More Replies... NsG 4 years ago
Yes. When the low tolerance part of my brain wants them to *really* understand the meaning of "literally"
Load More Replies... Lovin' Life 4 years ago
Just wow! It's not a competition. Why do some always have to always be one up and others. They have to to live miserable lives. Be proud and thankful for what you have.
Ezalibeth 4 years ago
I had this coworker deep in love with her man. After he proposes to her she was the happiest person in the world - than other coworker told her that this ring is not expensive enough, after that words she starts doubting on her man feelings and demand a new ring or else she is gonna leave him. That was just terrible
#25
Double standards in dating. I hear this a lot personally with my mother,
But if her boyfriend goes somewhere without telling her she freaks out and throws a tantrum (yes, literally). Yet if he asks anything about her then he's a douche trying to control her and cheating.
Funnily enough, my mother has been exposed for cheating twice now. Along with her f**k s**t friend.
Foxxy (The Original) 4 years ago
Both my hubby and I let/ask each other if or where we are going out of respect, not control. All I ask is the latest he will be home, so if he isn't home by that time I should start to worry and vice versa. Also to make sure neither of us had already made other plans.
My O My 4 years ago
Yup! We'll ask "I going to xyz with abc, are you fine with that?" And the other will usually say yes as long as no other plans have been made yet. It's just a matter of respect
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Lj 4 years ago (edited)
My ex used to go out after work, not let me know any plans, and let me worry for hours until he came back drunk and moody. If I asked him where he was, with whom, about what time should I expect him (so I didn't wait for him to have dinner etc.), he would get defensive, accusing me of being controlling (and worse)! Absolutely no respect or consideration. I'm a very laid back person btw... This made me self-doubt and feel insecure a lot. By the end of the relationship I was afraid of speaking my mind about anything, I just walked on eggshells. I believe this can happen with the genders in reverse, as well. This type of unreasonable fights feel like a self-centered emotional game.
Renate Stargardt 4 years ago
Tell me you were in a relationship with an egomaniac, without telling me. My ex husband was the same.
Load More Replies... Brandy Grote 4 years ago (edited)
He frets if I don't let him know when I'll be home because he genuinely worries about me. He always calls to let me know he's on his way home from wherever. Nice to have someone who cares. Of course, we both trust that we ARE where we say we are. We're boring because we are, lol.
KC Lancaster 4 years ago
Same! We like to know where each other will be out of respect, but also as backup in case one of our friends can't get a hold of us (dead cell reception zone), to let them know we've already left for their coffee date, lunch, etc. And yeah, letting the other know we'll be late and not to worry is fantastic:)
Load More Replies... Biljana Malesevic 4 years ago
This is personality trait, it happens in some relationships, regardless of genders. Not toxic feminity.
#26
The sheer terrifying glee they have at tearing down someone who's made a mistake or is somehow lacking in their eyes. I worked at a doctor's office with a fifty person staff, forty five of which were women. Like they were so fake and catty and just outright hateful to each other. It was a toxic office culture.
Debbie Barnes 4 years ago
I've experienced this too, but what they don't realize is that if they're talking about others with such spitefulness, what's to say they won't be the next one on the 'we dislike list'..
Anke Dieken 4 years ago
Yes, like the "cool" clique in my class in school. I wanted so much to be part of it... now I am glad I never succeeded. They were all smiling and throwing kisses to each other but when one of them was ill the other ones would talk sh*t about them. I only realised that years later. Dodged a bullet.
Load More Replies... J. F. 4 years ago
That's often the case, if there are too many women in a company working together it becomes a shark tank. Not to blame a whole gender on doing this on purpose, but it seems to become like that naturally.
Monday 4 years ago
It's oddly contagious. When I was younger I ended up in an office like that and found myself becoming one of the sharks without realizing it.... Outside of work I'd still be myself, but my work persona was just awful.
Load More Replies... StrawberryParfait 4 years ago
What's toxic is this gross generalization of women being catty. I have never witnessed this amongst my peers, ever. I have only known women to support and help each other.
Patrick Milliken 2 years ago
You mean like how all the women on FB are s******g on Madonna right now?
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Roman Hans 4 years ago
I used to see a weird phenomenon riding the subway in hyper-competitive NYC. A stylish woman gets on and without fail one or two women in the car look her up and down glaring daggers, like “That B!TCH!”
AzKhaleesi 4 years ago
I seriously don't understand this and I'm a woman. I can't tell you how awful it feels to be ostracized by other women. It's ridiculous.
Julie Erickson 3 years ago
I was temping a medical office with the same issue. I brought in a box of Tender Vittles cat food one day. Every time they started in I rattled the box. One nurse asked me about it. I explained that since they were so catty, maybe they needed to be fed better.
Vicki Thill 4 years ago
I find that women have to hate on someone at all times in the workplace. It got to the point when they'd walk into my office and I'd just look at them and say, "I'm not firing anyone or writing anyone up today, so you can just go hate on me today." One woman, awesome. Two women, okay. Three women? Alliance. The absolute worst is when the alliance turns on one of their own. Knock it off, please, we all see through it.
Maggie Dinzler Shaw 4 years ago
They do the same on social media. I got banned for asking someone what she had done for the world that she could attack someone who was generous and philanthropic just beca8use of how she dressed or some other silly thing.
New Prometheus 4 years ago
Yes sir, all women are devils with terrifying glee in their ill-wishing eyes. How sharp observation of toxic femininity.
#27
Being a “bad b***h”. You’re just being an a-hole. Idk if there’s a moniker like that for guys but guys do it too, labeling yourself doesn’t excuse being a jerk
Chloe Drury 4 years ago
yes but you also have to think about how women will be labelled a-holes and b****s whatever we do
Jo Falkinder 4 years ago (edited)
They're actually just narcissists and a lot of their behaviour would be deemed as emotionally manipulative/abusive if it was done by a guy...
Bob Stuart 4 years ago
I worked for equality most of my life, until I realized it only worked one way. Women are now a clear majority of college grads, but they still want affirmative action in the STEM fields.
Bacony Cakes 4 years ago (edited)
Yes, you're bad, and you're a b*tch, but putting them together doesn't make it better. It's like steak and peanut butter.
Satirical Duchess 4 years ago
mate beef satay is actually the best, I think you'll want another analogy
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#28
Women shaming women for not wearing makeup.
Aliquid A 4 years ago
The opposite would be an example of "toxic anti-femininity". This is toxic femininity. Society's expectation of "proper" feminine behavior is to wear makeup. Aggressively enforcing that stereotype is toxic femininity. Just like insisting a boy "man up" and stop crying is toxic masculinity, but insisting that a boy "needs to cry and express his emotions more" might be problematic (if he doesn't want to), but it isn't toxic masculinity.
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Pittsburgh rare 4 years ago
Actually, l've had more of the opposite, women questioning why I use make up. Uhmmm... because I like it? Well, apparently that's not the right answer and it was my "internalised misogyny" showing. Okay, darling. Guess we won't have the talk about why l also remove body hair.
Maggie Dinzler Shaw 4 years ago
Make up, no makeup, hair color, no hair at all (voluntarily) is all good.
Vicki Thill 4 years ago
How about when they come up to you and tell you how nice it must be not to have to get up in the morning and spend twenty minutes putting on makeup. I wear a light foundation, powder, blush, eyeliner, eyeshadow, mascara, lipstick. LOL.
#29
Body-shaming, whether overweight or underweight.
I had an old classmate who called me anorexic for a year straight, anytime I tried to stand up for myself I was the bad guy because ‘she just wants to be as thin as you’. I was 21kg at twelve and her calling me anorexic killed.
Monday 4 years ago
Really depends on your height and bone structure as well. If this person was really short and had a delicate bone structure they might have been at the lower edges of normal.
Load More Replies... Kay blue 4 years ago
My weight fluctuates because of Crohn's and the treatment. When I am tiny ,so many people have a go at me for being thin, when I am bigger people still talk about my weight but behind my back. I literally cannot win with some people.
noralin 4 years ago
I have Crohn's disease too. It really can have a severe affect on a person's weight. People can be real a-holes sometimes.
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Meh 4 years ago
I used to get this from an ex friend's husband ( she was curvy). Constantly saying how gross I was and how I looked like a man ( small boobs). I am 5ft 6inchs and was 9st at the time so slim but not that slim. I absolutely hated having small boobs as I was always being made fun ( I worked in an underwear shop). My lovely husband though loved my body the way it was bought be boobs for our wedding anniversary. And before any comments on how they were really for him. They were absolutely for me and me alone.
Meh 4 years ago
Also I think small boobs are great by the way I just prefer mine on me now they are a bit bigger
Load More Replies... Unnamed Hooman 4 years ago
Wow. I am 56kg at 12. I have been told several times that I am overweight… but I am not anorexic, so I guess I wouldn’t understand that.
Raven DeathShade 4 years ago
Don't reveal your age online if you're under 18. There are a lot of creeps around who could take advantage of that situation.
Load More Replies... Abigail Hill 3 years ago
My 'friends' who see me eat lunch at school all the time asked if I was anorexic because I don't weigh as much as them and I'm taller. No, I just have a different body type. I'm sorry my being a little thin made you insecure.
#30
Destroying personal property "Cause he done did me wrong!!!" and thinking they are going to get away with it, "women's intuition", and pretty much every custody case ever.
Jon S. 4 years ago (edited)
I find a small but hardcore of women vastly overestimate their "women's intuition" and think they have a full handle on everyone's state of mind and motives. It often turns out they make completely the wrong assumptions about a situation on very little information. I think this particularly applies to women as popular culture suggests women should all naturally be psychologists, when in reality a proportion are as clueless as the average man.
Ellie Rosser 4 years ago
So what you are saying is that on average women are as capable as , on average, men are. Huh, who'd a thunk it.
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Kumar Shantanu Khare 4 years ago
I remember seeing a video of a girl destroying her bf's PS5 and gaming setup because he apparently cheated. Maybe he did but it should be enough to break up with him, why destroy his stuff?
New Prometheus 4 years ago
Because she was upset and frustrated. Cannot really cheat back. Destroying a game is quite innocent really. Some men murder their exes.
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Cattress511 4 years ago
"Pretty much every custody case ever" is dripping in misogyny. I read about a small study of something like 200 children that were hospitalized for abuse and had been subject to a custody order, and every single case the mother had reported that she was abused by the father of the child. In something like 65% of those cases, the father was awarded sole or primary custody. In several cases, mother's had gone to court to get orders modified to protect their children and ended up losing custody or having their share reduced! This is not to say that women don't abuse their kids or manipulate the system, they do. But they do not represent the majority, and most cases are more complicated than anyone on the outside knows
New Prometheus 4 years ago
So many men think that they do not need to take care of the kids at all, can neglect their family, maybe even be abusive, and then magically get 100% custody after cheating and breaking the family. Then they go around whining about toxic womans. Happens so often I am amazed. My family member is a family lawyer and I hear of these almost daily.
Paul Beebe 3 years ago
I had a short lived relationship with a woman like this. We had an argument, which I thought we had solved together and came home one day later to find she destroyed about $1,000 of my fishing gear because "She was still mad at me and since "I wasn't there when she wanted to vent", she took it out on my stuff instead.
SpookyUnicorn 4 years ago
God I hate the women's intuition thing Friends used to use it on me as a control tactic so I'd make the choices they wanted like if your friends or girlfriends use it 9/10 times it's a control thing
Don't Look 4 years ago
I have a niece (disowned now) who thought it was appropriate to vandalize her … daughters fathers car. She was arrested and jailed for that one.
Lovin' Life 4 years ago
Exactly what does it accomplish? The problem or issues are still there when you're done with the destruction and probably worst now.
#31
To me it would mean women who bag on other women for womaning differently than they do.
This becomes really toxic after child birth. Some women will feel nothing about letting you know how you are parenting wrong by using this product or letting you child do this particular thing.
Women who are able to stay at home will be made to feel guilty for not helping to provide; and women who work are made to feel guilty for abandoning their child.
I wish women were more understanding about dealing with differences and letting things slide a bit more. You should never feel higher after putting someone else down.
That being said, I don’t know how we did it, but I found the worlds greatest group of moms when my son was a year and a half old. We came from all walks of life and supported the ever loving hell out of each other. This was in Phoenix late 90’s and we were completely tight until I moved away when my son was 5. I miss all of em.
#32
Manipulating a man to get him to emotionally react.
Two_rolling_black_eyes 4 years ago (edited)
The best way to stop someone from trying the guilt trip or compliment hunting is to just take it hyperbolically the other direction. Reply to "if you loved me you'd go with me to Walmart" with "It must be true. Although I'm only 19, I'm leaving you to marry the widow Bertha Johnson and move to Hoboken, NJ to raise alpacas." It takes two to fight and no one can argue with an alpaca.
Dre Mosley 4 years ago
I knew a woman who admitted that she would deliberately goad her man into arguments just to "spice things up.". She felt that relationshios were boring without a little drama.
#33
Assaulting people because "I'm a whamen and you can't hit back"
Foxxy (The Original) 4 years ago (edited)
I have a rule, if you can dish it, then you can take it. If a woman hits a man then don't be surprised if the man hits you back. Better yet, don't hit at all.
Andrea Purzycki 4 years ago
Yeah, I never really understood this. I'm pretty sure if I ever got hit I would immediately swing back, just out of impulse and shock, and not with any thought or intention. I wouldn't fault anyone else for doing the same. Its survival instinct. Don't hit someone and be shocked if they hit back.
Load More Replies... El muerto 4 years ago
or starting fights so somebody else have to finish them (boyfriend mostly)...little dog, big bark complex
Karl Baxter 4 years ago
My mate’s ex-girlfriend was always doing this - think she got a kick out of it. One day he got wise and said he wasn’t getting involved and, as it was her fight, she could sort it out herself.
Load More Replies... cybermerlin2000 4 years ago
Got kicked in the balls by a girl because I would not give her money to buy booze (no idea who she was/is) I just stood there and smiled at her with cold dead eyes and she ran off. When the coast was clear I fell against a wall gasping because that sh*t hurts
Aroace tiger (any pronouns) 4 years ago
I have always hated the no hitting girls rule since I was a young kid
Penny Fan 4 years ago
My OH could literally kill me with his bare hands (ex-military) so he would never lay a hand to me. But I've been told I only get 1 free hit and then he'll retaliate if I go to do it again. I hasten to add we're not violent to each other in the slightest, but someone who heard him say that was shocked that he'd defend himself "against a woman" as if me hitting him was perfectly acceptable
Vasana Phong 4 years ago
I’m a woman, yes I don’t believe a man should put his hands on a woman, but man some woman do deserve it, sorry just my opinion
#35
Women thinking that masculinity is for them to define.
El muerto 4 years ago
one thing that is f****d upp. is that, the definition of femininity has change a lot faster than that masculinity. woman have expand what femininity is, while masculinity is still very narrow...many centuries of bullshit that needs to change, but that is something that men need to do. and what comes out, shouldn't be what woman wants, but somethings that's better for everybody.
pelemele 4 years ago
It would already be necessary to define what femininity and masculinity are, but in both cases if it should be summed up only to the seduction of the other and only that (especially for femininity in the sense that the woman "must" be attractive to men), I disagree.
Load More Replies... #36
There's just a ton of shaming everywhere, especially online. 'You’re planning on not medicating? God, you’re not getting a medal. You’re medicating? Wow, you’re so weak. You’re not breastfeeding? What, are you abusing your child?! You’re breastfeeding? Do you spit on moms who can’t?! You’re going back to work? What’s wrong with you? Don’t you love your child?
Nat Hedley 4 years ago
Yep! It's like it's not even about what these people believe, it's just them looking for a reason to criticise someone else to feel superior.
Lovin' Life 4 years ago
It never ends! People are so miserable in their own lives that they feel they must bring others down with them.
lara 4 years ago
I am not even sure why anyone Facecraps or Twits or Tweets or anything else. I come to BP for the pictures and some of the comments. But I do not expect, nor want, anyone to advise or approve or disapprove, I am just connecting. People, you are all sovereign unto yourselves, you do not need approval. If you do need overwhelming, non-conditional love and approval, get a dog and make your life totally complete and happy. Hell, get a dog anyway, get two, save two lives, live surrounded by love.
#37
"Life is short girl, cheat on him"
Aman Varkkey 4 years ago
This reminds of that article that said husbands should give their wives a free pass for Christmas.
Two_rolling_black_eyes 4 years ago (edited)
Life is short, drink bleach. Life is short, ask for a threesome with the parents. Life is short, invade France. How did "life is short" become an excuse for things you know you shouldn't do? How is they're going to leave your cheating ass and you'll die alone in 5 years better than dying alone in 50?
Celeste Grant 4 years ago
Never heard of this... surely everyone is against cheating? This isn't acceptable whether it's men or women doing the cheating!
Vasana Phong 4 years ago
That term is used to justify doing everything morally wrong as being ok
River Webb 4 years ago
or instead break up with him if you don't want to be in a relationship with him, it saves a lot of heartache
Glirpy 4 years ago
There are people that are fine with polygamy. Just find someone like that if that’s your thing. Just make sure everything is communicated with each other.
Arctic Fox Lover 4 years ago
There's a big difference between bring new partners into polygamous/polyamorous/polysexual/any poly relationships and plain old cheating.
Load More Replies... #38
Not letting their son's express themselves, even if playing with dolls as a kid (doesn't make them gay). The amount of times I've heard women s**t on their son's that they need to be tough to stop crying. Telling other women how to act and claiming to be feminist. Feminism is the choice to be who you are without judgement. Women who tell other women they are lesser for having multiple sex partners (including sex workers).
Irina Deneva-Slav 4 years ago
It is a fact often forgotten that many (perhaps most) toxic males were raised in households containing a.. yes, a mother.
J. Normal 4 years ago
Sorry to say, this is one of my pet peeves. I wish it was just up to the parents to raise the kids, but much of the toxicity does come from society. Between TV, movies and school - many a boy gets totally mixed messages, and "going with the negative flow" is the easiest.
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Raven DeathShade 4 years ago
When my little brother was younger, my sisters and I used him in our dress-up parties. If I recall correctly, he especially loved to be the Ocean Fairy. Dress-up was an important part in all our lives, and he kept dressing up until he was around 4 and had his own little brother old enough to play with.
lara 4 years ago
When my son would come in from playing "crying" I would say "show me the blood." He would stop crying and look all over for blood and I would say "hmm, no blood, are your legs broken?" And he would spend all his time looking for the wound, he would stop crying. Of course, you can tell when they are hurt, but sometimes, they just want Mom to hold them. And THAT is definitely one of the great parts about being Mom.
J. Normal 4 years ago
Not to criticize, but were you basically saying it was only ok to cry if he was seriously hurt? I understand the distraction principle, but emotional pain can be as bad as a broken bone.
Load More Replies... Bacony Cakes 4 years ago (edited)
Alan Turing invented the Gaydar to make the Nazis gay to end WW2 two years earlier, duuuuh.
#39
since toxic masculinity is pretty much saying that the "right" way to be a man is to be manly, I think toxic femininity is kind of the same in that it has to do with acting like certain ways of being a woman are "superior" to others. like how many so-called feminists will shame women for choosing to be housewives even if those women enjoy being family-oriented, or how many mothers will shame other women for refusing to have children/get married even if those women are content on their own. or you know, when girls are like "I'm not like other girls!1!" as if that makes them better than other girls. I think what makes masculinity or femininity toxic is just when people start acting like there is one "right" or "better" way of being a man or a woman when in reality everyone is valid.
Aliquid A 4 years ago
Almost right... but I would say it more that: Toxic masculinity is expecting men to be manly, and excusing their inappropriate "manly" behavior as "boys will be boys". Therefore toxic femininity is expecting women to be girly, and excusing their inappropriate girly behavior. So shaming a women for being a housewife is not toxic femininity anymore than shaming a man for getting into fights is toxic masculinity. Whereas your example of shaming women for NOT having children and being housewives is an example of toxic femininity (reinforcing the cultural stereotype)
#40
Watch any "the real housewives" type show. Mainly involves gossiping, grouping up against an individual, cancel culture, reputation destruction, phoney empathy and weaponized toxic empathy to justify attacks on a "bad person" etc
Vasana Phong 4 years ago
I hate these shows so bad, they do not in any way bring positivity to the feminine movement, if anything brings us back as this is all we do
What do you think ?
les 4 years ago
The one that really bugs me is womens magazines. They complain about men objectifying women on opinion and letters pages etc then spend the rest of the magazine objectifying hunks in trunks or some similar shite.
Dilly Millandry 4 years ago
People do it on here. Get photos of a man talking about something he's an expert in and coincidentally he's attractive and you can guarantee there is a string of 'he's hot' type remarks. Or even just the 'so pretty' comments in the 'random genetics/unique looks' article up today. Maybe they are but that's not what it's about. Humans are very 'looks' focused. It's a shame but I don't think it's stopping any time soon!
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Natalie Kudryashova 4 years ago
Most of these aren’t specifically toxic femininity, just generally being a jerk.
J. F. 4 years ago
Same case for toxic mascullinity - it's just the jerks doing such things
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Aliquid A 4 years ago
Some of these are great examples, and some of them suck. An important thing to remember about "toxic femininity" and "toxic masculinity", is that these are NOT just about people who are jerks who happen to be male or female. The terms are about behavior that is considered by society stereotypically "feminine" or "masculine", but taken to an unhealthy level. Also, some of these examples are about aggressive feminists... which is also a different thing (they typically and purposely don't fit the cultural expectation of being feminine at all)
Ripley Dog 4 years ago
Yeah, I noticed most of these are just "stereotypical bad things some women do but I'm going to call it toxic femininity because I have zero idea what I'm talking about." Absolutely infuriating to watch people continue to conflate feminism with "man hating." I think BP was just forced to do this post because every article about women is drowning in "NOT ALL MEN!" "WHAT ABOUT TOXIC FEMININITY" and the like.
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Premislaus de Colo 4 years ago
How about this, a friend's girlfriend decided that her being on the pill is better than his wearing a condom. Tricks him by not taking the pills, gets pregnant, because she always wanted a baby even though my friend said he doesn't want kids and she said the same in the beginning. He gets mad, they split up, he has to pay alimony for the kid.
New Prometheus 4 years ago
Men should always wear condom if they don't want children. Always.
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keepgoing 4 years ago
The whole world has gone nuts and it is all amplified with social media. Everyone saying what they think whenever they want. Most of the stuff is total garbage anyway, like don't people have better things to do? The thing that gets me the most is people, who claim to stand pro feminism, anti racisim etc etc go and then do EXACTLY THE THING THEY ARE FIGHTING AGAINST: Hate on men, hate on people of opposite colours etc. Double standards. It doesn't give you the right to be a mong
keepgoing 4 years ago
Being a feminist, e.g., doesn't mean you have the right to bash all men...and I am a woman just fyi.
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Aiden Brough 4 years ago
I will never understand this need to place meaning onto something then re-package it back into a generalisation which 'neatly' fits a sterotype to denegrate a group. For example, a man explains something to a woman is frowned upon. An older person is automatically a boomer. Women who wear trainers are somehow different to women who wear stilletoes (no idea why). And so on. Why? Because the internet (and the media) says so and now it's become a polarising norm. Seriously... When did humans stopped to think that they are creating the 'pink & blues' of the future? I keep reading about equality (excellent!!!) and then about why aren't we striving for more categories! (eh?) We're spending more time on this planet making up new ways to destroy ourselves and others than realising that we're only here for a finite length of time... We should be light-hearted laughing at how differences instead of sneering at them... Because one day we won't have either option.
ivan bolitekurac 4 years ago
I miss the times when bp was about art and beautiful things from the world.Now we see woke bs everyday
Ozacoter 4 years ago
One thing that I am surprised that was not mentioned is the sexist idea that still exists that most men dont want to marry/have kids but that a woman has the final saying about it. No. It needs to be 50-50. I know a man who didnt want children but his wife gave him an ultimatum. They had one (also with health issues) and he was suffering because he has some mental illness and having a kid at home was too much. Despite that she insisted on having a second child; not only risking that the baby had also health issues but not caring for her husbands desires and mental health. And on top of that demanded that both kids slept with them every night so he had no rest at all. He ended up having a meltdown and spending some time in a institution. She is a terrible person.
J. Normal 4 years ago
Was this not discussed BEFORE marriage? I know we waited longer than most - but before we got married we knew what we wanted in life and shared it with each other. where we wanted to live to how many kids ( that was changed by health).
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Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
Proving once again that being an utter a** wipe doesn't depend on your gender. We know. Toxic is toxic. Few of these can be specifically tagged to "just women" or "just men" (in other BP posts). Possessive, controlling, abusive, narcissistic, etc..
Aliquid A 4 years ago
Toxic masculinity/femininity is not and should not about "just men" or "just women". It is not about "people being an a** wipe". It is about masculinity and femininity. It is about stopping cultural expectations and social acceptance of what is considered "masculine" or "feminine". Technically a tom-boy could easily express "toxic masculinity", and a man could express "toxic femininity". TEACHING a boy to "man up" and repress his emotions is toxic masculinity, and then he grows up with behavior problems because of that. TEACHING a girl to be obsesses with her looks and weight is toxic femininity, and then she grows up to have issues because of that.
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Donny Cromwell 4 years ago
When a feminist says that a man who won't date a bigger girl are @55holes but then turn around and say they won't date a shorter man.
les 4 years ago
The one that really bugs me is womens magazines. They complain about men objectifying women on opinion and letters pages etc then spend the rest of the magazine objectifying hunks in trunks or some similar shite.
Dilly Millandry 4 years ago
People do it on here. Get photos of a man talking about something he's an expert in and coincidentally he's attractive and you can guarantee there is a string of 'he's hot' type remarks. Or even just the 'so pretty' comments in the 'random genetics/unique looks' article up today. Maybe they are but that's not what it's about. Humans are very 'looks' focused. It's a shame but I don't think it's stopping any time soon!
Load More Replies... Natalie Kudryashova 4 years ago
Most of these aren’t specifically toxic femininity, just generally being a jerk.
J. F. 4 years ago
Same case for toxic mascullinity - it's just the jerks doing such things
Load More Replies... Aliquid A 4 years ago
Some of these are great examples, and some of them suck. An important thing to remember about "toxic femininity" and "toxic masculinity", is that these are NOT just about people who are jerks who happen to be male or female. The terms are about behavior that is considered by society stereotypically "feminine" or "masculine", but taken to an unhealthy level. Also, some of these examples are about aggressive feminists... which is also a different thing (they typically and purposely don't fit the cultural expectation of being feminine at all)
Ripley Dog 4 years ago
Yeah, I noticed most of these are just "stereotypical bad things some women do but I'm going to call it toxic femininity because I have zero idea what I'm talking about." Absolutely infuriating to watch people continue to conflate feminism with "man hating." I think BP was just forced to do this post because every article about women is drowning in "NOT ALL MEN!" "WHAT ABOUT TOXIC FEMININITY" and the like.
Load More Replies... Premislaus de Colo 4 years ago
How about this, a friend's girlfriend decided that her being on the pill is better than his wearing a condom. Tricks him by not taking the pills, gets pregnant, because she always wanted a baby even though my friend said he doesn't want kids and she said the same in the beginning. He gets mad, they split up, he has to pay alimony for the kid.
New Prometheus 4 years ago
Men should always wear condom if they don't want children. Always.
Load More Replies... keepgoing 4 years ago
The whole world has gone nuts and it is all amplified with social media. Everyone saying what they think whenever they want. Most of the stuff is total garbage anyway, like don't people have better things to do? The thing that gets me the most is people, who claim to stand pro feminism, anti racisim etc etc go and then do EXACTLY THE THING THEY ARE FIGHTING AGAINST: Hate on men, hate on people of opposite colours etc. Double standards. It doesn't give you the right to be a mong
keepgoing 4 years ago
Being a feminist, e.g., doesn't mean you have the right to bash all men...and I am a woman just fyi.
Load More Replies... Aiden Brough 4 years ago
I will never understand this need to place meaning onto something then re-package it back into a generalisation which 'neatly' fits a sterotype to denegrate a group. For example, a man explains something to a woman is frowned upon. An older person is automatically a boomer. Women who wear trainers are somehow different to women who wear stilletoes (no idea why). And so on. Why? Because the internet (and the media) says so and now it's become a polarising norm. Seriously... When did humans stopped to think that they are creating the 'pink & blues' of the future? I keep reading about equality (excellent!!!) and then about why aren't we striving for more categories! (eh?) We're spending more time on this planet making up new ways to destroy ourselves and others than realising that we're only here for a finite length of time... We should be light-hearted laughing at how differences instead of sneering at them... Because one day we won't have either option.
ivan bolitekurac 4 years ago
I miss the times when bp was about art and beautiful things from the world.Now we see woke bs everyday
Ozacoter 4 years ago
One thing that I am surprised that was not mentioned is the sexist idea that still exists that most men dont want to marry/have kids but that a woman has the final saying about it. No. It needs to be 50-50. I know a man who didnt want children but his wife gave him an ultimatum. They had one (also with health issues) and he was suffering because he has some mental illness and having a kid at home was too much. Despite that she insisted on having a second child; not only risking that the baby had also health issues but not caring for her husbands desires and mental health. And on top of that demanded that both kids slept with them every night so he had no rest at all. He ended up having a meltdown and spending some time in a institution. She is a terrible person.
J. Normal 4 years ago
Was this not discussed BEFORE marriage? I know we waited longer than most - but before we got married we knew what we wanted in life and shared it with each other. where we wanted to live to how many kids ( that was changed by health).
Load More Replies... Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
Proving once again that being an utter a** wipe doesn't depend on your gender. We know. Toxic is toxic. Few of these can be specifically tagged to "just women" or "just men" (in other BP posts). Possessive, controlling, abusive, narcissistic, etc..
Aliquid A 4 years ago
Toxic masculinity/femininity is not and should not about "just men" or "just women". It is not about "people being an a** wipe". It is about masculinity and femininity. It is about stopping cultural expectations and social acceptance of what is considered "masculine" or "feminine". Technically a tom-boy could easily express "toxic masculinity", and a man could express "toxic femininity". TEACHING a boy to "man up" and repress his emotions is toxic masculinity, and then he grows up with behavior problems because of that. TEACHING a girl to be obsesses with her looks and weight is toxic femininity, and then she grows up to have issues because of that.
Load More Replies... Donny Cromwell 4 years ago
When a feminist says that a man who won't date a bigger girl are @55holes but then turn around and say they won't date a shorter man.
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