Man’s About To Marry His Sister’s Bully, Father Refuses To Give Her His Grandmother’s Heirloom Veil And Causes Family Drama
Interview With Author
The movie trope enemies to lovers is quite predictable, but people still enjoy watching it. But it doesn’t seem to happen very often in real life, because it can be hard to change your opinion about a person and bickering all the time is exhausting.
While such a scenario developing in real life might seem unlikely, it still happens and the fictional trope had to draw inspiration from somewhere. A man on Reddit has such a story, but it doesn’t have a happy ending yet and he feels that he may be the culprit of the drama.
More info: Reddit
Dad promised that his kids could borrow his grandmother’s veil for their weddings but when he found out who his son was marrying, he changed his mind
Image credits: Lee Haywood (not the actual image)
The Original Poster (OP) is a dad to two grown-up children, Caleb and Anna. It seems that his relationship with his wife is very complicated because he is aware she is cheating and is actually allowing her because their marriage was a modern version of an arranged marriage, but they still keep in touch.
Anna is 24 years old and Caleb is 5 years older. The dad described the siblings’ relationship as close up until Caleb fell in love with her middle school bully.
Anna was bullied from ages 12 through 18 by this girl, Violet, who was a year older than her. She would bully her verbally, insult her looks, hide her clothes in the locker room, and pour water on her, but it would never get violent and it didn’t continue outside school.
The OP has a daughter and a son named Anna and Caleb who previously got along quite well
Image credits: u/Sad_Advantage8869
The parents tried to fix the issue, went to school several times, and talked with Violet’s dad, but it seems that didn’t work as the bullying lasted until their last year of school when Violet slept with Anna’s boyfriend.
It’s safe to say that Anna didn’t like Violet, but she was hoping to never see her again after school and forget the school traumas. Little did she know that her brother’s amazing job opportunity that everyone was encouraging him to take was in Violet dad’s company.
Everyone found that out only later, but weren’t too worried, because Caleb hated Violet, even though he knew that she was the boss’ daughter. Violet didn’t like Caleb working there either because she knew he was the brother of the girl she used to bully at school.
Caleb is getting married soon so his mom gave his fiancée Violet his great-grandmother’s veil
Image credits: u/Sad_Advantage8869
The two of them would bicker all the time but turns out that Caleb actually enjoyed that and he was starting to like Violet. One day, the older brother sat down with his family and “laughed and said we weren’t going to be happy. Then kind of made excuses about how she is so irresponsible it isn’t his fault. Anna didn’t say much,” as the dad told Bored Panda.
At first he didn’t tell anyone because of Violet’s history with Anna and because he didn’t think the relationship would last, but they’ve been together for 2.5 years and their wedding date is already set.
The dad didn’t like the idea of his DIL being his daughter’s school bully. He also told us that at that moment when Caleb introduced his girlfriend to the family, he “felt like [he’d] been punched in the gut and felt [he’d] failed as a father.”
Violet did apologize to Anna and the younger sister didn’t make a huge deal out of it. However, Caleb didn’t like the bullying being brought up because Violet didn’t have a stable childhood and has her own traumas, which the man didn’t reveal to his dad.
The problem is that Violet was Anna’s school bully and she felt hurt that Violet will marry in a family heirloom
Image credits: Vanessa Hayes ( no the actual image)
If Violet becoming part of the family wasn’t enough, OP’s wife gave her his grandmother’s designer veil with a unique pattern that Violet already matched with her wedding dress. The dad didn’t know that his wife gave his DIL the veil, but he did previously say that his children will be able to borrow it for their weddings.
When Anna found out, she said that it felt hurtful to give something that belonged to her family to her school bully even though she was his brother’s future wife, so the OP decided to take back the veil.
So the dad took back the veil, making both Caleb and his future wife really angry
Image credits: u/Sad_Advantage8869
The Redditor told Bored Panda, “Violet didn’t have a reaction except for handing it to me. She doesn’t really speak to Anna or I.” Caleb, however, had a very strong reaction and even uninvited his dad from his wedding.
The OP’s wife also thought the dad was wrong for taking back the veil and accused him of favoring Anna. The OP knows that Caleb has never seemed happier before and knows that his wife’s side of the family has been inclined to have depression, but he couldn’t help but understand Anna’s feelings as well.
Even though the veil belonged to the OP’s grandmother, the wife still threatened to secretly take it and bring it to the wedding. However, the dad isn’t afraid she will actually do it because he’s confident she won’t be able to find it and understandably, he didn’t give information where it could be hidden.
His wife accused the OP of favoring Anna, and Caleb uninvited his dad from the wedding
Image credits: u/Sad_Advantage8869
Image credits: JoshBerglund19 (not the actual image)
However, being accused of favoring one child made the dad doubt his actions, so he came to Reddit to receive the evaluation of the situation from an onlooker’s perspective. He also told us, “We don’t have any extended family. My wife’s been complaining to her friends who think I’m cruel. I know Violet’s dad is furious but I haven’t talked to anyone personally about it.”
We asked if people’s comments helped in any way and the OP revealed that the response made him realize he “had made the right decision. [He] was worried it would be split but the comments were almost unanimous.”
It is true that most of the comments supported the dad and understood how Anna may be feeling. We are interested to know how you would have handled the situation and if you think the OP is wrong for defending Anna. Let us know in the comments.
People in the comments were on the dad’s side because it’s his heirloom, so he should give it to only those who he thinks deserve it
It sounds to me like Violet and Anna need to be alone together and work things out with each other before moving on to a wedding. I couldn't imagine my bully becoming my sister in law. Maybe Violet had trauma but so did Anna, and if they don't address it head on it will always be the elephant the room. They need a day or a couple of days alone together to talk and learn how to reconcile their past together before anything else. The veil is only covering up much deeper issues.
I agree. I think i will carry a bit of hate against my bullies with me forever but i have seen people changing. I would not forgive them by 100% but if they treat me and others well today, along with an apology, i think i could accept them in my life. But the bully has to accept my boundaries (like not using the family heirloom until i eventually agree)
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I'm betting less than three years and they'll both blame the daughter for it.
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I'm torn. On the one hand people can change, you have to be an adult about it and forgive your bully. On the other hand...I'm still smiling at the memory of my bully having an accident and breaking her two front teeth in the classroom. And it's been over 30 years.
You never have to forgive your bully/bullies or their enablers. Being an adult about it means that violet needs to understand that she isn’t owed forgiveness, but she owes an apology
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So Violet ignores but is polite to the person she bullied and future FIL (sounds like no attempt to atone or work through the issue, which IMO is on her to do as the bully), has had anger issues to the point of having court ordered anger management, and still has spoiled and needy behaviour, and her future husband is attracted to her because he likes a fight, and she basically obsesses over him? Yeah, that’s a big big raft of red flags right there. As for the future MIL, all that should matter to her is that her daughter isn’t comfortable using the veil. End of, thank goodness Anna has her dad to stand up for her.
Anna certainly needs someone in her corner. Her mother needs a swift kick in the a**e.
Load More Replies... Anyone treat my sister like that would be lucky to survive me. I don't care how fantastic the job opportunity is, I would have never taken it. Period. I have too much respect for my sister.
Youbhit the nail on the head. Mom and brother have no respect for the daughter. They are selfish and want whatbthey want instead of what's best for all. This situation is going to explode and the casualties will be the father and daughter. Personally I would tell my son to go ahead and marry her if he wants but don't expect me to support any of it and don't come crying to me when it breaks down because it will happen. No the veil would stay where it is if I had to get a safety deposit box for it. The mom would never see it again let alone touch it.
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OP's son can sure pick 'em. His boss and future wife sound like nightmares. The mom sounds heartless, choosing her daughter's bully over her daughter. NTA, OP.
I know that the past is the past, and that over 7-8 years Violet had time to mature and all but... first of all, not sure how having many different stepmothers and being ordered anger management qualify as "childhood trauma". Then her behavior towards Caleb when he first joined her dad's company, so fairly recently, is just the same as what she did earlier to his sister. And the "bickering" and "neediness" seem to indicate -to me- that she hasn't changed a bit since high school. Anna is rightfully hurt by this heirloom, glad OP stood up for her.
I have one rule that I live by all the time: If someone mistreats anyone in my family, I refuse to have anything to do with them. A few years ago, a former coworker of mine, saw me in a store and was nice to me. However, they were very rude to my sister. I told my sister that I would not have anything further to do with this person because my family was more important to me than my friends.
Anyone doing harm or being the enemy of anyone of my children or my wife (if they are kind and not the agressor) is an enemy for me and of my family and there is no respect nor honor at all from the son to the family nor his sister. I know I'll burn in hell, but that is the way it is. The son should have never reached this situation, the bully must have never been even considered as anything at all by him.
Okay so brother and the sisters bully hooked up because he likes bickering and she can bicker back and keep up with him seems like an extremely terrible basis for a relationship I mean it's cool that they're both great at bickering but seriously how do you build a romantic relationship off of fighting all the time.
I’m torn. On the one hand, that was a lot of trauma that Violet put Anna through. On the other, people do change. I don’t really know how to feel but Anna and Violet definitely need to talk, alone.
No. You never put a bully and target alone together. Only with a mental health mediator being present the entire time. With Violet popping Xanax like candy, she is certainly not stable and will probably revert back to her old behaviors, while blaming Anna for her actions. Violet is *far* from being someone Anna can be safely alone with.
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One thing about the veil. I'm assuming that Anna wants to wear it for her wedding. How would she feel about that if the last person who wore it to get married was her bully?
NTA. daughter has more rights for the veil than a future DIL. Even if they get divorced daughter will stay in the family while DIL will not. Violet seems to understand the issue. It is enough you invite her to the family as aknowledging she changed her behaviour (at least a bit) and you and Anna are willing to tolerate her. you are not oblidged to borrow her the veil if it hurts your daughter who is the rightful owner in the first place
i doubt the dad will see this but just incase TAKE THE VEIL AND HAVE IT LOCKED AWAY WIFE WILL STEAL IT!!!! ALSO I WOULD HIGHLY CONSIDER DIVORCE
Perhaps a compromise? If Violet's family is well off, they could have the veil reproduced but with a change to make it unique?
I was bullied terribly in middle and high school. Later in life, I came to understand the reasons one of the girls bullied me and we were able to be friendly towards one another as adults. If this happened to me, I would have to talk to the former bully and understand why she bullied me. If she was genuinely sincere in an apology and had bullied to release her own trauma (in an unhealthy way), I think I could forgive her. But, in the end, that is Anna's choice and I think that the dad was right to support his daughter.
Lots of people don’t reveal who they really are if they are pursuing an objective…it will be interesting to know if Violet changes after the wedding,
Violet is cruel by nature, like every bully. She wasn't hurting Anna because of "trauma", she was hurting her because she enjoys inflicting misery or pain on others. Never trust people like that, they cannot change, they are incapable of empathy. They take pleasure in inflicting suffering on others and any apology is a ruse to get close again so they can keep tormenting their victims. Anna is right to be hurt and her father has the right idea. Refuse to interact with her, do your best to protect your daughter from the manipulative, sadistic scumbag.
This is a hard line to walk here. On one hand you have a far healthier life by learning to forgive your enemies, but that does not mean continuing to live with the abuse. I had an abusive step father for 8 years. His abuse nearly drove my mother to suicidal depression before she plucked up the courage to leave him. Because he had the right last name we were made out to be the bad guys. (Except by his family ironically who knew exactly what he was like.) Even after 11 years since we moved they still talk about us behind our backs, (No they don't hide it well.) While I can forgive, I cannot move back there because I know the treatment will just continue. My Grandparents and most of my family are buried there and my Mom misses her childhood home town, however it's hard to explain to her that moving back there would feel like moving back in with my old stepfather, (he died a few years ago.) While important to forgive trauma takes time to heal.
NTA. Your son and wife are BOTH social climbers. They are BOTH willing to sacrifice others to get what they want . As for your wife. Your wife is mentally ill. She takes heavy meds for it and your future daughter in law us not much better. Your wife has a VERY UNHEALTHY view of your son. She views him as PERFECT as does Vilote due to their mental issues. If this marriage works. I would be SHOCKED. As for the HOTLY contested VEIL. Your wife has no say. Neither does the bride. They can yell scream and cry. ITS NOT TNEIRS nor do they have ANY SAY. IF your wife should try and take it. that's Called THEFT. STEALING IS STEALING. CUT DRY AND SIMPLE. Now to you son and daughter. She needs to be FIRM with her brother. She needs to tell him Exactly how he has he has made her feel and what HIS BETRAYL has done to her. THEN Violet and your Daughter needs to have a one on one. O HOLDS BAR. Apologizing is one thing. ACCEPTING responsibility for ONES
Violet seems to have gotten better the fact she didn't throw a fit and gave the veil back immediately definitely hols some sway, she clearly understands the rights and wrongs of this situation, however she also clearly hasn't moved on herself from the fact she was a terrible person before, she can only manage to avoid both the sister and the dad yeah that's some pretty guilty mannerisms. The mom should be ashamed of herself number 1 it was NEVER hers to give it was the dada heirloom he might have said the kids can borrow but we as people are allowed to change our minds and this circumstance was definitely an understandable one. 2 the mom is clearly favoring a non relation over her own daughter, the daughter wasn't throwing a hissy fit she had genuinely been bullied and everyone acknowledged that fact, the daughter didn't throw a it over the veil but imo politely asked the dad not to let her bully use a family heirloom.
Realistically it would have been very different if the father had 2 daughters and the elder married the younger bul a man because the veil wouldn't be worn and technically sullying the family heirloom, the mother is definitely just ignoring that, no one here is saying the son can't marry her in fact apparently she has the family blessing on that but the father and daughter keeping that heirloom in the family is very reasonable that lady isn't family, as a tradeoff see if you can get a heirloom to let the son and specifically the son borrow and if he still denies it the son is definitely being unreasonable.
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I think civility is called for, but also understand it,s a family heirloom and the father's choose. In the end, it's just a veil. Violet could be the bigger person and make a good gesture of faith that she's changed, get another veil, include the father in the wedding and not let her past bad behavior continue to hurt this family. It is just a piece of lace, at the end of the day.
I think Anna and Violet should go to a mediator, probably a therapist of some sort, and work out their differences. Violet can explain and apologize and if it is truly given then Anna should accept it for her brother's sake. It does Anna no good to hold on to bad feelings if Violet has truly grown up and is truly sorry for her past behavior. She doesn't have to be best friends, but who knows, the 2 girls might be able to build a friendship out of this. They don't need external family involved while they try to figure things out. If the girls can come to an agreement, then Dad should allow the use of the veil. If not, then I believe all would agree that the special family item should not be used but ALL should agree to make the best of things. Sometimes not everyone in a family likes each other. That is ok as Anna will not have to live with Violet, but both need to agree to be civil and courteous to each other if they can not agree to let bygones be bygones.
Anna not be imposed upon. She owes nothing to her abuser.
Load More Replies... The AH in this situation is the wife, but OP didn't help the situation. With a wedding in the immediate future compounding old issues by adding new ones doesn't sound constructive. The point that strikes me here: the son has likely had those conversations and heard the dil's side of the story and moved on from their troublesome past. But in his quest to protect her he is preventing his own family from getting to know her and perhaps if not healing then finding some sort of settlement. The dil's trauma is in fact their business if it is getting used to justify prolonged childhood bullying of one of their members. Their family will never be peaceful if this laundry doesn't get aired. Either they will drive the son away, or the strife will lead to a divorce. In any case it will leave lasting scars in all of those relationships.
I think this is a huge indication that Violet has not made sufficient restitution to Anna and Anna has not actually forgiven her. So Violet needs to make a true apology that she really means and demonstrate that she has genuinely changed as a person. If she is able to do that, then Anna needs to see that and forgive her.
I hate people like Violet. People who abuse others for fun aren't human in my eyes, and I would never tolerate the presence of someone like that near people I love. Childhood trauma doesn't excuse being cruel to others. I was beaten and abused as a kid and yet I was still kind and compassionate to my peers in school, so I have no sympathy for her. It isn't anyone else that caused that behavior, she's cruel to the core and can't be trusted. Whenever she gets upset she will lash out and be cruel again.
No OP chose his daughter over her bully. Had Caleb married anyone else, they would've gotten the veil. And from her attitude towards Caleb at the beginning, the bickering, the spoiled brat attitude and neediness that OP mentions in the comments, all of that suggests that this bully had not changed. Anna is not having hard feelings, she had a real trauma just a few years ago and probably she, unlike her brother, is able the read the signs.
Load More Replies... It sounds to me like Violet and Anna need to be alone together and work things out with each other before moving on to a wedding. I couldn't imagine my bully becoming my sister in law. Maybe Violet had trauma but so did Anna, and if they don't address it head on it will always be the elephant the room. They need a day or a couple of days alone together to talk and learn how to reconcile their past together before anything else. The veil is only covering up much deeper issues.
I agree. I think i will carry a bit of hate against my bullies with me forever but i have seen people changing. I would not forgive them by 100% but if they treat me and others well today, along with an apology, i think i could accept them in my life. But the bully has to accept my boundaries (like not using the family heirloom until i eventually agree)
Load More Replies... I'm betting less than three years and they'll both blame the daughter for it.
Load More Replies... I'm torn. On the one hand people can change, you have to be an adult about it and forgive your bully. On the other hand...I'm still smiling at the memory of my bully having an accident and breaking her two front teeth in the classroom. And it's been over 30 years.
You never have to forgive your bully/bullies or their enablers. Being an adult about it means that violet needs to understand that she isn’t owed forgiveness, but she owes an apology
Load More Replies... So Violet ignores but is polite to the person she bullied and future FIL (sounds like no attempt to atone or work through the issue, which IMO is on her to do as the bully), has had anger issues to the point of having court ordered anger management, and still has spoiled and needy behaviour, and her future husband is attracted to her because he likes a fight, and she basically obsesses over him? Yeah, that’s a big big raft of red flags right there. As for the future MIL, all that should matter to her is that her daughter isn’t comfortable using the veil. End of, thank goodness Anna has her dad to stand up for her.
Anna certainly needs someone in her corner. Her mother needs a swift kick in the a**e.
Load More Replies... Anyone treat my sister like that would be lucky to survive me. I don't care how fantastic the job opportunity is, I would have never taken it. Period. I have too much respect for my sister.
Youbhit the nail on the head. Mom and brother have no respect for the daughter. They are selfish and want whatbthey want instead of what's best for all. This situation is going to explode and the casualties will be the father and daughter. Personally I would tell my son to go ahead and marry her if he wants but don't expect me to support any of it and don't come crying to me when it breaks down because it will happen. No the veil would stay where it is if I had to get a safety deposit box for it. The mom would never see it again let alone touch it.
Load More Replies... OP's son can sure pick 'em. His boss and future wife sound like nightmares. The mom sounds heartless, choosing her daughter's bully over her daughter. NTA, OP.
I know that the past is the past, and that over 7-8 years Violet had time to mature and all but... first of all, not sure how having many different stepmothers and being ordered anger management qualify as "childhood trauma". Then her behavior towards Caleb when he first joined her dad's company, so fairly recently, is just the same as what she did earlier to his sister. And the "bickering" and "neediness" seem to indicate -to me- that she hasn't changed a bit since high school. Anna is rightfully hurt by this heirloom, glad OP stood up for her.
I have one rule that I live by all the time: If someone mistreats anyone in my family, I refuse to have anything to do with them. A few years ago, a former coworker of mine, saw me in a store and was nice to me. However, they were very rude to my sister. I told my sister that I would not have anything further to do with this person because my family was more important to me than my friends.
Anyone doing harm or being the enemy of anyone of my children or my wife (if they are kind and not the agressor) is an enemy for me and of my family and there is no respect nor honor at all from the son to the family nor his sister. I know I'll burn in hell, but that is the way it is. The son should have never reached this situation, the bully must have never been even considered as anything at all by him.
Okay so brother and the sisters bully hooked up because he likes bickering and she can bicker back and keep up with him seems like an extremely terrible basis for a relationship I mean it's cool that they're both great at bickering but seriously how do you build a romantic relationship off of fighting all the time.
I’m torn. On the one hand, that was a lot of trauma that Violet put Anna through. On the other, people do change. I don’t really know how to feel but Anna and Violet definitely need to talk, alone.
No. You never put a bully and target alone together. Only with a mental health mediator being present the entire time. With Violet popping Xanax like candy, she is certainly not stable and will probably revert back to her old behaviors, while blaming Anna for her actions. Violet is *far* from being someone Anna can be safely alone with.
Load More Replies... One thing about the veil. I'm assuming that Anna wants to wear it for her wedding. How would she feel about that if the last person who wore it to get married was her bully?
NTA. daughter has more rights for the veil than a future DIL. Even if they get divorced daughter will stay in the family while DIL will not. Violet seems to understand the issue. It is enough you invite her to the family as aknowledging she changed her behaviour (at least a bit) and you and Anna are willing to tolerate her. you are not oblidged to borrow her the veil if it hurts your daughter who is the rightful owner in the first place
i doubt the dad will see this but just incase TAKE THE VEIL AND HAVE IT LOCKED AWAY WIFE WILL STEAL IT!!!! ALSO I WOULD HIGHLY CONSIDER DIVORCE
Perhaps a compromise? If Violet's family is well off, they could have the veil reproduced but with a change to make it unique?
I was bullied terribly in middle and high school. Later in life, I came to understand the reasons one of the girls bullied me and we were able to be friendly towards one another as adults. If this happened to me, I would have to talk to the former bully and understand why she bullied me. If she was genuinely sincere in an apology and had bullied to release her own trauma (in an unhealthy way), I think I could forgive her. But, in the end, that is Anna's choice and I think that the dad was right to support his daughter.
Lots of people don’t reveal who they really are if they are pursuing an objective…it will be interesting to know if Violet changes after the wedding,
Violet is cruel by nature, like every bully. She wasn't hurting Anna because of "trauma", she was hurting her because she enjoys inflicting misery or pain on others. Never trust people like that, they cannot change, they are incapable of empathy. They take pleasure in inflicting suffering on others and any apology is a ruse to get close again so they can keep tormenting their victims. Anna is right to be hurt and her father has the right idea. Refuse to interact with her, do your best to protect your daughter from the manipulative, sadistic scumbag.
This is a hard line to walk here. On one hand you have a far healthier life by learning to forgive your enemies, but that does not mean continuing to live with the abuse. I had an abusive step father for 8 years. His abuse nearly drove my mother to suicidal depression before she plucked up the courage to leave him. Because he had the right last name we were made out to be the bad guys. (Except by his family ironically who knew exactly what he was like.) Even after 11 years since we moved they still talk about us behind our backs, (No they don't hide it well.) While I can forgive, I cannot move back there because I know the treatment will just continue. My Grandparents and most of my family are buried there and my Mom misses her childhood home town, however it's hard to explain to her that moving back there would feel like moving back in with my old stepfather, (he died a few years ago.) While important to forgive trauma takes time to heal.
NTA. Your son and wife are BOTH social climbers. They are BOTH willing to sacrifice others to get what they want . As for your wife. Your wife is mentally ill. She takes heavy meds for it and your future daughter in law us not much better. Your wife has a VERY UNHEALTHY view of your son. She views him as PERFECT as does Vilote due to their mental issues. If this marriage works. I would be SHOCKED. As for the HOTLY contested VEIL. Your wife has no say. Neither does the bride. They can yell scream and cry. ITS NOT TNEIRS nor do they have ANY SAY. IF your wife should try and take it. that's Called THEFT. STEALING IS STEALING. CUT DRY AND SIMPLE. Now to you son and daughter. She needs to be FIRM with her brother. She needs to tell him Exactly how he has he has made her feel and what HIS BETRAYL has done to her. THEN Violet and your Daughter needs to have a one on one. O HOLDS BAR. Apologizing is one thing. ACCEPTING responsibility for ONES
Violet seems to have gotten better the fact she didn't throw a fit and gave the veil back immediately definitely hols some sway, she clearly understands the rights and wrongs of this situation, however she also clearly hasn't moved on herself from the fact she was a terrible person before, she can only manage to avoid both the sister and the dad yeah that's some pretty guilty mannerisms. The mom should be ashamed of herself number 1 it was NEVER hers to give it was the dada heirloom he might have said the kids can borrow but we as people are allowed to change our minds and this circumstance was definitely an understandable one. 2 the mom is clearly favoring a non relation over her own daughter, the daughter wasn't throwing a hissy fit she had genuinely been bullied and everyone acknowledged that fact, the daughter didn't throw a it over the veil but imo politely asked the dad not to let her bully use a family heirloom.
Realistically it would have been very different if the father had 2 daughters and the elder married the younger bul a man because the veil wouldn't be worn and technically sullying the family heirloom, the mother is definitely just ignoring that, no one here is saying the son can't marry her in fact apparently she has the family blessing on that but the father and daughter keeping that heirloom in the family is very reasonable that lady isn't family, as a tradeoff see if you can get a heirloom to let the son and specifically the son borrow and if he still denies it the son is definitely being unreasonable.
Load More Replies... I think civility is called for, but also understand it,s a family heirloom and the father's choose. In the end, it's just a veil. Violet could be the bigger person and make a good gesture of faith that she's changed, get another veil, include the father in the wedding and not let her past bad behavior continue to hurt this family. It is just a piece of lace, at the end of the day.
I think Anna and Violet should go to a mediator, probably a therapist of some sort, and work out their differences. Violet can explain and apologize and if it is truly given then Anna should accept it for her brother's sake. It does Anna no good to hold on to bad feelings if Violet has truly grown up and is truly sorry for her past behavior. She doesn't have to be best friends, but who knows, the 2 girls might be able to build a friendship out of this. They don't need external family involved while they try to figure things out. If the girls can come to an agreement, then Dad should allow the use of the veil. If not, then I believe all would agree that the special family item should not be used but ALL should agree to make the best of things. Sometimes not everyone in a family likes each other. That is ok as Anna will not have to live with Violet, but both need to agree to be civil and courteous to each other if they can not agree to let bygones be bygones.
Anna not be imposed upon. She owes nothing to her abuser.
Load More Replies... The AH in this situation is the wife, but OP didn't help the situation. With a wedding in the immediate future compounding old issues by adding new ones doesn't sound constructive. The point that strikes me here: the son has likely had those conversations and heard the dil's side of the story and moved on from their troublesome past. But in his quest to protect her he is preventing his own family from getting to know her and perhaps if not healing then finding some sort of settlement. The dil's trauma is in fact their business if it is getting used to justify prolonged childhood bullying of one of their members. Their family will never be peaceful if this laundry doesn't get aired. Either they will drive the son away, or the strife will lead to a divorce. In any case it will leave lasting scars in all of those relationships.
I think this is a huge indication that Violet has not made sufficient restitution to Anna and Anna has not actually forgiven her. So Violet needs to make a true apology that she really means and demonstrate that she has genuinely changed as a person. If she is able to do that, then Anna needs to see that and forgive her.
I hate people like Violet. People who abuse others for fun aren't human in my eyes, and I would never tolerate the presence of someone like that near people I love. Childhood trauma doesn't excuse being cruel to others. I was beaten and abused as a kid and yet I was still kind and compassionate to my peers in school, so I have no sympathy for her. It isn't anyone else that caused that behavior, she's cruel to the core and can't be trusted. Whenever she gets upset she will lash out and be cruel again.
No OP chose his daughter over her bully. Had Caleb married anyone else, they would've gotten the veil. And from her attitude towards Caleb at the beginning, the bickering, the spoiled brat attitude and neediness that OP mentions in the comments, all of that suggests that this bully had not changed. Anna is not having hard feelings, she had a real trauma just a few years ago and probably she, unlike her brother, is able the read the signs.
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