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30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends
When something good happens in your life, you want to share it with your friends, you confide in them when you are having a rough period in your life and you are there for their joys and troubles. Friends are necessary for people to be happy, but somehow we manage to call people our friends who don’t really care about us or hang around just because they know they can use us.
Somehow it is hard to tell when you’re the only one putting effort into the relationship and are not receiving anything for what you give. Every friendship is different, so you need to evaluate whether the friendship brings you more happiness or hurt to determine whether it is worth keeping in touch with that person.
Redditors shared their own stories of what happened between them and their friends that led them to realize their relationship wasn’t as strong as they thought. Even though it probably wasn’t easy, in the end, they certainly benefited from the breakup.
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#1
When my father passed NONE of my friends showed up to the funeral. It was an hour and a half away so when they made up excuses not to come I said I understood (I didn't).
Surprisingly two of my neighbors that I barely know showed up. I'm friend with them now.
Emerald Ocean 3 years ago
Wow… those friends were the worst kind. They couldn’t even be there for you in one of the lowest points of your life. RIP your father
75/Sunny 3 years ago
Sometimes it's not about that. It may seem selfish but sometimes ppl don't want the casket/urn to be their last vision of that person. Sometimes ppl just can't deal with funerals
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SAF saf 3 years ago
wtf....i'm sorry but is that really something you invite friends to? I thought this was only for family and friends of the deceased? I mean did they know your Dad at least....I personally wouldn't have gone either.
Chris Liu 3 years ago
Well friends are supposed to support you, I would invite my friends
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HarriMissesScotland 3 years ago
My dad's funeral was 2 hours from my home, but 2 friends came, as did a cousin who drove 6 hours. But the Spawn of Satan, my male sibling who I haven't seen since 1993, didn't come, nor did he allow us into my dad's house to get a suit for my dad. The police had to get involved, over the phone, because he lived out of state, and had a neighbor get a locksmith to change the locks. Think Jerry Spring and Cops. Small town, so everyone knew what was going on. I told the cops that if the scumbag showed up, which I knew he wouldn't, they might as well arrest me, because I would kill him. They believed me.
Caro Caro 3 years ago (edited)
That's so sad. Your "male sibling" is an a$$hole. I was not going to the cremation of my husband alone but neighbours turned up and we all went together. THAT is what made my mind up to stay here in France. I understood that that they were friends as well as neighbours. They still call and pop by to see how I'm doing. What a lovely surprise :)
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Chloe Dakin 3 years ago
Maybe this is just my culture but I would never expect or even invite my friends to a funeral. Only friends of the deceased and family
Prabhjot Singh 3 years ago
Maybe this is just my culture then....but we dont invite to funerals, ppl who consider themselves friends, family or relatives show up at funerals without invitations. Its marriages or parties we invite them for
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Two_rolling_black_eyes 3 years ago
1 1/2 drive is a full day off work for many people (90 minute drive *2, 90 minutes funeral and reception) and they do not have the resources for that unless it's an immediate family member. Saying I don't have the vacation time to request it off and I would need to ask it off last week but I'd like to meet you for dinner and celebrate your dad's life is an acceptable response to finding out about their loss.
Katie Andrews 3 years ago
Death brings out the weird. It's common, alas, for some people to drop out, and others you'd never expect to step up. Major life transitions really show people's character.
kathy fitzpatrick 3 years ago
Flip side of that, several neighbors/ friends from original home (early 60’s) & SIXTH GRADE came to BOTH parents, & BOTH siblings’ funerals! I burst into tears seeing them as we hadn’t kept in touch at ALL. I’m telling you, if you CAN go, you SHOULD, it means SOO much to your friend, current or former.
Dan Padgett 3 years ago
Friends support friends. I would walk that distance if it meant me being there for my friends.
RELATED:
#2
She was one of my best friends, I guess. She was a self-centered drunk, but had some good qualities. We were talking on the phone one day, and she rambled on and on about her stupid, lazy co-workers. Then I told her I was afraid I was starting to relapse (life-threatening illness I thought I was over). She sighed and said "....AND? What's that to ME?" She was bored and wanted to talk about herself. When I got off the phone I emailed her a "Dear Karen" letter, saying don't ever contact me again. She didn't, and I didn't either. And I wasn't relapsing after all, thank God.
Nikki Sevven 3 years ago
I've lost more friends who have just, without a word, dropped out of my life because they couldn't handle the fact that I'm disabled. While it sucks not having close friends, it's better than wasting time on people who don't care about you.
Brocken Blue 3 years ago
I understand completely — same story here. That’s a great perspective to have on it.
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Emilia Sophie 3 years ago
One of my best friend was my maid of honor. During all my wedding she complained, on all pictures she doesn't smile but look pissed. We were at my house for the party and she should sleep in one of the bedroom. Before the cake she suddenly left. Without telling me anything or ma parents. I found out when I was looking for her to dance. She was gone. An explanation ? She felt that I didn't take care of her the day of MY wedding and wanted to go. She didn't apologize until six months later. That girl is like dead to me. and it broke my heart.
Lainie 3 years ago
At least she apologized. Did you try to honestly talk to her? Maybe she had some particularly big problem or something, that she wouldn't tell you wasn't ruining your wedding, so she chose to keep quiet.
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A. 3 years ago
"Friend" had volunteered to take me to my aunt's wake. Day of, he went off the rails, ranting & raving about just random nothingness. I called him on his behavior but figured that he'd settle down & things would be fine. He sent me a text basically saying (BLEEP), & I missed the wake. This was his 2nd blow-up, so I just blocked him. Since I was his only friend in our small community, he's on his own now. Even his sister, who lives 2 doors down from him won't have anything to do w/ him.
Poetic Sinus 3 years ago
Epileptic here. My former bff couldn't understand why I wouldn't just get in my car and drive three hours to take care of her disabled brother while she went on vacation. He had 24hr nurse care, did not need me there. She just didn't want to house sit her mom's house and tried to say it was for her brother. I told her I was not allowed to drive, at the time, per my neuro. She said "who cares what she says, just drive up, not like youre gonna die". Needless to say, i haven't heard from her since.
Michael Sanders 3 years ago (edited)
Good thing is OP is, hopefully, still sober and ridding herself of toxic relationships. Other girl is still bitching about lazy coworkers and what is probably a dead end job. OP #winning
Hyde and Seek 3 years ago
They meant a disease relapse -not addictive substance
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Anne Cleves 3 years ago
I found this out late in life. I used to think not a big deal, that's just how they are and never requiring or asking for anything in return. Well, I'm done. I want to spend the next half my life with people that actually value, appreciate and care about me.
Karen Ostby 3 years ago
Similar situation though not as extreme as yours. Had someone I thought was a good friend become toxic. Posted something on Facebook to the effect that it was depressing to me to not have an emergency contact to write in when I filled out papers at the doctors. Instead of sympathy , I got a backlash comment from her “ oh I’m not good enough?”. First of all, she never was my emergency contact. Second of all, she never offered to be. But still made the post about her. I realized then our friendship was toxic, and also remembered all the little cut down insults framed as jokes she had been directing my way for some time. It hurt, but I cut her out of my life for good when I realized this. Life is too short to fill it with people who secretly hate and despise you.
Natalie 3 years ago
Hoe do you "think" your relapsing? She is talking about alcohol? Wouldn't she know once the cup was in her hand? I am not understanding.
Lainie 3 years ago
I don't either. What's that mean "the disease relapse"?
Load More Replies... #3
I decided to throw a Super Bowl party a few years ago. I went out a bought a new grill and mounted a tv in the kitchen for people who wanted to hang out and snack while watching the game. Had tons of food and beer ready. 30 minutes before kickoff I got a text that the whole group decided to go to someone else’s house and that I should bring all my food and beer over there. Needles to say, I didn’t go, and I haven’t thrown a party at my house since.
Sweetpotato314 3 years ago
Wow, that's so freaking rude! I hope OP dumped those friends and found some genuine ones.
Caro Caro 3 years ago
And the request to bring the food and beer over there ... What a pack of *%%$%
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kim morris 3 years ago
This happened to me, but it was family, and it was christmas eve. Every year it would be over grandmom's, then moms. Then mom died, and dad couldn't do it anymore. so we decided to do it at my house. big house. plenty of parking. lots of seating. got it all ready, then oldest sister co-opted christmas eve to her daughter's house 5 towns away. Needless to say, we don't go anymore. Christmas eve family tradition trashed. I've given up on family. I spend it with husband, 2 sons (if both can make it). and peace and quiet. Rest are trash.
deanna woods 3 years ago
I don't care how great the other person's party sounds, you go to the one that you agreed to.
AnnaPanda 3 years ago
Especially when the host spend lots of money and time organizing it
Load More Replies... Michael Sanders 3 years ago
People are shiits, but if we are looking to make lemonade OP has a nice new grill and a TV mounted in the kitchen without having to be in a room full of asssholes.
Nikki Sevven 3 years ago
The last party I threw (which was years ago now), I went out of my way to plan and cook a labor-intensive meal from scratch to cater to two "friends" with Celiac and one with several allergies. All three canceled the day off the party. I never spoke to any of them again.
manalonedies 3 years ago
Spring 1978. U.S.A. My wife is graduating from college. I invited all our friends, about 50/50 my "American" friends and her Japanese and other "foreign student" friends and several of our professors to a party 2 weeks in advance. We prepared a lot of food, beer and had it at a beautiful farm that belonged to my friend. One Philippine professor accepted an invitation but, a day or two before the graduation ceremony, she decided to have her own party and invited many of the same people. All the "foreign" students went to her party because she was a "professor" and several of the others as well. We lost contact with all of those "friends" soon after. Most of the others we are still in contact with over 40 years later.
Jason B. 3 years ago
Been in your shoes, but they all showed up for 30 minutes and left for another party with half the food. Never did it again.
Alexia 3 years ago
That's so rude of them. Reminds me of a "friend" I had years ago. We were also colleagues, both working at a foundation. It was her birthday and I called her to say "happy birthday", and maybe to go out. I was planning to give her the gift I had prepared for her. When she picked up the phone, there was a loud music in the background and voices and laughter. She was having a party with friends and all the colleagues at work. I had not been invited.
MalayDragon 3 years ago (edited)
Wow... Some friends, hey we're not coming to your party we went somewhere else instead, Oh but can you bring all the Food and beer you got over here.. My answer would've been one last text to the whole group. "F**K No". Followed by Ghosting the lot of them.
#4
Was a cop wife for twenty years. When you divorce you not only lose your cop family, you evidently lose your best friend who is married to a cop. I learned a valuable lesson. Friendships built on a common thread last only as long as that thread remains. Heartbreaking.
mind yours 3 years ago
this sucks of the "friend" and also don't marry a cop until after you google the rate of domestic violence in marriages to cops
Say What 3 years ago
40% as of February. Proof they aren't vetted well or proof they actively seek out emotional assholes with no coping skills.
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Kittymisfit 3 years ago
Not a marriage, but that happened to me in college. People took sides and I lost friends I thought were MY friends to begins with. People suck in ways I hadn't imagined before that
pink_panda 3 years ago
Same, Kittymisfit! I was with a guy "D" for six years when I was young, and when we met, he was still an awkward guy with not many friends. Over time I helped him come out of his shell and we ended up at the center of a pretty strong friend group, hosted a lot of parties and hangouts... but when it became clear that he was more interested in drugs than building a shared future together, I finally, painfully, broke it off. D ended up retaining so many of our shared friends while I struggled to because they were always hanging out together. I was working multiple jobs to pay for school and he was always available to hang out because he refused to get a job. Also, my two best female friends immediately slept with him and one "R" started dating him, despite promising me she wouldn't. I thought I had become pretty good friends with R's bestie, but it turned out he was only around for the parties and never was my friend. I was shocked to learn how my "friends" really were.
Load More Replies... Leona 3 years ago
people always take sides...then, years later, they realize they picked the wrong one
Becca Hauck 3 years ago
Had that happen. Abusive husband that is a pathological liar had everyone in our lives believing that I was to blame for all of his problems. When we split, I had nothing left but our daughter and a pregnancy. A year later, his boss's wife found my number and called to apologize. Then a few months later I ran into another "friend" who sincerely apologized. I accepted their apologies, said I understood, and never spoke to any of them again.
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deanna woods 3 years ago
True friends don't need you to be in a certain career or relationship to be friends.
Leslie Burleson 3 years ago
My mom's best friend started setting my dad up on dates after he ended their 23 year marriage by cheating .
Full English 3 years ago
Happened to me my ex-wife's business partner was my best friend after the break up he said he had been told he couldn't see me anymore. At the time is was a lot now I see how fake it all was
Okiedokie 3 years ago (edited)
This. I began to slowly lose one of my closest friends after they got into a relationship. I was supportive but it became clearer & clearer they were phasing me out of their life. They were making more time for their friends who were not single. I remained single. we no longer had common ground. It got to the point I ended the friendship [gently] I couldn't deal with the heartbreak.
JenniferNapier 3 years ago
To have Truly Honestly Invested in another.. Only to have them ghost you.. Hurts and is confusing..
Sharon Gersowsky 3 years ago
Our lawyer had to escape overseas to get away from her abusive cop SO.
#5
Tried to invite them to an event I go to every year. Day of I go by myself and find out weeks later they went as a group without me.
Viola Fö 3 years ago
Don't get offended by what I'm about to say. But I get this a lot. Something happens with a friend and everyone's standard answer is just dump them. They're not real friends. A. It's hard to dump all of your friends. Bc it still hurts to lose all your friends simultaneously or just one. It's like a breakup just more painful. I had a friend for 15 years we don't speak now but she was a good friend to me. And it hurt when we parted.
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NotMe 3 years ago (edited)
In highschool I had a group of friends that all wanted to skip class and go hang out at the mall. I didn't want to skip, and convinced another of my friends to go to class first and then we could go to the mall (we weren't in the same class). We both did attend our classes, but she got out a little sooner than me, and when I was starting to walk to the school yard where they were waiting for us, I saw them just starting to go without me. They didn't wait for me, didn't think of me at all. I actually passed right by them on the street and they didn't even notice. That day I realized I wasn't part of the group. From then, I never made any effort to hang out with them. Probably no big loss but it still kinda hurts. Sorry for talking about me, this post reminded me of that time.
Rosie Hamilton 3 years ago
Talk away! I'm glad you shared. All too many of us have painful experiences like this. Where we weren't wanted or considered. No, they were not real friends but you didn't know that until that day and of course it hurts.. We all want to be liked for who we are. Our people are out there though! It can just take time to find them. Joining groups where you share interests and social groups on places like MeetUp - they've helped me.
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Louise B 3 years ago
Urgh!! Horrible. How can someone do something so hurtful? It might not feel like it now,, but ultimately you win because you no longer have these poisonous people in your life. The best revenge is living well.
Robert Minichino 3 years ago
My daughter had suggested that her group of friends all go kayaking. They went without her. She could not even tell you what they are up to because she ended it with all of them.
Chanya Roye 3 years ago
If they all don't want to hang out with you..... Maybe you're not the great friend you think you are. Either way, it seems you are better off without each other.
Mine Truly 3 years ago
Yeah, I don't want to blame the victim here, but... While it's likely OP is a decent person with shitty friends, it's also possible OP is a flaky person/chronically late/super annoying/violates boundaries/hurt someone in the group. Something like this calls for some self-reflection... "Was it me or them?" I've been dumped from groups before, and I've come to realize how pushy, annoying, and unable to read the atmosphere I was. Now I'm much better at being present. Of course, it also may be the case that OP is totally fine and the friends are shitty. I have no idea which way it will go.
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Misty-Dawn Amayi 3 years ago
This could have been me writing this post. I wanted to go to a very special place my stepdad and I were going to go together before he passed away. Since I'm disabled, I couldn't make the trip alone, so I asked three longstanding friends to go with me. They basically hijacked the entire trip, and they went together with their other friends and without me.
#6
My wife and I had a small wedding. I didn’t invite a ton of people but I invited 15 or so friends. Besides my best man, only one showed up. What’s worse is that all these people said they were coming. I no longer put effort towards those friendships.
EDIT: I’ve struggled with social anxiety my whole life. These “friends” were all people I met at work. I work at a big company and this was the first time I actually had friends. I wouldn’t call any of them super close but I thought they were at least close enough to come to my wedding as they always talked about coming and would comment saying that I better invite them. I worked on several different teams then and most of them didn’t know each other. I don’t think it was intentional. I just think I misinterpreted what true friends are. I was more of a casual friend to them than they were to me. I did wonder if I did something wrong and it made me feel pretty awful for a while, but as someone who didn’t have experience with friendships I think I just invited people who didn’t really value me as much as I value them.
I hope that makes sense. I definitely looked back at my behavior, and like I said, I wondered for the longest time if I had did something wrong, if it was my fault.
Zophra 3 years ago
I have made this mistake of thinking a "work friend" is a closer friend then I am to them. Painful and a bit humiliating.
Aria Whitaker 3 years ago
Me too Zophra. We were really tight (I thought) and used to hang out at her house some weekends, go out dancing, movies...she was at my daughter baby shower. But the SECOND I left that job...I was completely ghosted. No return calls, texts, no response to Facebook messages...it was very sad, hurtful and perplexing.
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BonnyDK 3 years ago
That happened to a coworker. She had invited her team to her wedding. She is white and married a black man. None of them came. I heard them talking later how it was to teach her a lesson that they all disapproved of her choice. I lost all respect I had for them that day. They were teachers.
Michael Sanders 3 years ago
People that don’t honor an RSVP are the worst. Especially for a wedding. People need to understand even with a small wedding and you buy chips and beer the couple makes accommodations based on the replies. And of course going is the right thing to do. Not gonna lie I have rsvp’d for things that for whatever reason when the date came I really didn’t want to go (not weddings). Rough day at work, not feeling well, unexpected things come up, etc. but I still went because I made a commitment.
Nikki Sevven 3 years ago
For work "friends"...if you haven't been to their house, and they haven't been to yours, they're not your friends.
Tenacious Squirrel 3 years ago
That’s not true for everyone. I have made some amazing friends through work who don’t fulfil this criteria. When I’ve had to relocate repeatedly with my partners job, they’re some of the only individuals who check in with me and keep in touch (people who were non-work friends often just forget about you if you move away and/or seem to only be friends with you if you live nearby, in my experience).
Load More Replies... Alma Muminovic 3 years ago
There seems to be a lot of people these days that have “casual” friends and don’t realize that that’s the kind of friendship they have because they’ve never had a friend that they could be completely open/be themselves with. It’s kinda sad, and maybe social media is to blame. People dont connect on deeper levels anymore.
FABULOUS1 3 years ago
This happened to us. We had a small back yard wedding at a friends on 4th of July. It being a holiday we did the invitations months in advance. We had the wedding in the back around the pool and the bbq going in a designated area on the back also. The front was set up and ready for the evening for fireworks. We didnt invite a lot of people, but most didnt show up. One of my wifes friends texted that day and said a person was in town and they decided to visit with them instead and couldnt make it. This person didnt live that far away and was visiting the area for a week. I was more upset for my wife, and the cost of the food to ensure we had enough for everyone. It was disappointing in the moment. But those that made it are still a big part of our lives and those that didnt, are not even a thought.
Michael Sanders 3 years ago
People being blasé about weddings makes me think of Bust A Move “your best friend Harry has a brother Larry in 5 days from now he’s gonna marry. He’s hoping you can make it there if you can cuz in the ceremony you’ll be the best man”…..wait 5 days before the wedding he hopes the best man can make it?! Larry your friends have commitment issues brother.
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Sue User 3 years ago
Had the opposite. Work "friend "was getting married. We had been talking about the wedding, how I always eanted to attend an Indian wedding. She said it was being held in India. I replied " always wanted to see India" . Do when I got the invite, I was super stoked. The look on her face when I asked about local accomidations made me realise I had made a mistake.
Barbara Goudie-Bradford 3 years ago
I don’t understand; did she invite you hoping you wouldn’t go?
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#7
An easy answer for me.
One year I had a sleepover party with a bunch of childhood friends from the neighborhood as a teen. It was really fun and I invited 15 or so kids, had to convince my parents and spent a ton of money to make it perfect for everyone. We went swimming in the pool, played dodgeball, kickball, had tons of food, had a nerf gun war, played pool, played video games, and watched movies. It was a blast and everyone was clearly enjoying themselves.
Then they tried to watch a horror movie that my parents would [end] me if I saw it, and I objected for a while before reluctantly putting it on. I hated horror movies, too, but I wanted them to have fun. It was like 1 in the morning.
They got bored during the movie and asked if we could all go to the clubhouse (I lived in a gated community with a public clubhouse at the time) to meet up some girls in the middle of the night. I said that my parents would never let it happen and that I didn't want to get caught, so I told them we couldn't go. After that, about 5 of them left at like 2-3 am to go without me. They said they'd be "right back" and that "one of them needed their medicine so they went to get it." Within the hour, everyone was gone except me.
I was crushed, and too embarrassed to tell my parents, so I finally put on the movie *I* wanted to watch before going to sleep. In the morning my parents were furious because over a dozen kids that they had promised their parents would be at their house had disappeared without a traced. Sad and tired me had to call all of them to figure out where they were and let all of their parents know that they didn't spend the night. Even though my parents made me do it, a lot of them got mad at me for that. The worst part by far was figuring out that they had all went to a different kid's house to spend the night after leaving mine.
Michael Sanders 3 years ago (edited)
That is awful, but I don’t agree with the parents making the kid do it. Wasn’t the kids fault people bailed for some clubhouse action. You think you didn’t have friends that night, wait till you go back to school with all these dildos knowing you ratted on them. Parents should have considered that and done the dirty work themselves.
Rosie Hamilton 3 years ago
I completely agree - I was wondering if I was in the minority in thinking the parents were not taking into account how little say their child had, how horrible it must have been for them.
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Id row 3 years ago
Sounds like they were using you because you're rich and had all sorts of awesome stuff.
Bobbie McQueen 3 years ago
Sounds like they were more interested in the amenities your family had to offer than actually being a friend to you.
pink_panda 3 years ago
Damn, that seriously sucks. What sh!tty people to ditch like that. Teenagers can be so selfish.
R. J. 3 years ago
As a youth I attended a church where after a service the young people were discussing about going to Dairy Queen. I knew from past behavior they never included me into their click but I foolishly thought by having a large car I could offer a ride to some. They all chose to ride in a compact by sitting in each other laps. On the way they did a fast U-turn to lose me. I went on home. Afterwards I was rear ended by a drunk in front of that church and spent ten days in the hospital. Not one of the young people from that church came to visit. But many from another church did and ended moving my membership.
Jean Conlon 3 years ago
Not friends. Bye bye to them for putting you in trouble when your parents were responsible for them. What if something had happened to any of them? Rude and disrespectful to you AND ESPECIALLY YOUR PARENTS.
Marilyn Russell 3 years ago
I remember when I turned 7, I invited lots of kids and made games and prizes up, but only 1 girl showed up, not even my best friend who lived close by. It felt humiliating but then it turned out great because her parents let us turn it into a sleepover and we shared all the loot bags with my sister.
Sheila Perri 3 years ago
The parents were responsible, therefore, also dishonourable for not calling the other parents to admit their failure.
Load More Replies... #8
I opened up to him about my mental health issues, and after a day or two he messaged me saying he couldn't have that kind of negativity in his life. This was literally the first and only time I told anyone about it.
Raven DeathShade 3 years ago
I told a dude (over text) that I had severe mental health issues that can really affect my friendships. He thanked me for letting him know and told me that it's okay. That's how a good person reacts. Not all this nonsense.
deanna woods 3 years ago
Mental illness is not negativity, it's a serious matter and needs to be treated as such. You dodged a bullet with this one. Don't hide your mental illness. Other people won't feel that way.
Sue User 3 years ago
Yeah, cant hang out with you because you have diabetes. Cant have that negativity around me / s
Load More Replies... Michael Sanders 3 years ago (edited)
Ok hear me out. This was not handled well. Being vulnerable and telling someone struggles you have is very brave and should never be responded to with “I don’t need that kind of negativity” but consider this. I dated a girl once that we probably went out for about 6 weeks. She would get agitated easily and it was a little annoying, but she could also be very kind and charming so ok we will see how this goes. It wore on me. Then one day she tells me about all the anger management issues she has and that she’s seen multiple therapists about it. I was kind and wished her all the best, but I didn’t want to hang around to see how this could get worse. And consider if the roles were reversed and she was the man and I was the woman. You’d tell me to run for the hills. I don’t know this situation and again I think he handled it poorly, but self preservation is also valid in many circumstances.
Becca Hauck 3 years ago
I see your point. I'm not sexist and I don't have to ask myself if it were a man/woman, would I feel differently. It's nice that you don't currently have any serious problems. But think of it this way... Anyone could be a ticking time bomb. Some trauma may happen to you in the future resulting in PTSD or you may get any number of serious illnesses or lose a limb or experience impotence, etc ,etc,etc. You can't know about potential problems. Are you hoping that if something does happen to you, people will be kind enough to say that you aren't worth the effort? I have a daughter who has clinical depression. She's still worthy of relationships regardless of the challenges ahead of her. I've told her that it's not fair for her to expect her boyfriend to remain committed to her if she refuses treatment. Personally, I appreciate honesty from people like you but I wouldn't call it kindness bc it isn't.
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M. William Bell 3 years ago
Until now. The future is yours and the world isn't nearly as full of a-holes as you may think.
Lady Luna 3 years ago
Happend to me too. That's why i don't have any friends, i don't trust people with my feelings anymore.
Mine Truly 3 years ago
Please keep trying. Learn how to judge people's character better. I have tons of friends who know I'm depressed and are still my friends. Don't let the one shitty person who hurt you hang over your head your whole life. There are better people out there, and you deserve to have them in your life.
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Tiki Stanford 3 years ago
Omg, this hit me hard. When I became disabled I lost a bunch of "friends", people who were not interested in me as a person so it stung, but I was ok with it. The worst happened within the following couple of years, when the few friends I had left, left me. I thought we were ride or die, chosen family. That was just as painful and debilitating as my original injury itself.
Michele Wintzloff 3 years ago
I went on a couple of dates with a guy I met on social media. Date 2 I told him about my bipolar disorder. His response was "well, there won't be any of that sh*t happening when we're together." Ended it right there.
Becca Hauck 3 years ago
Wow. Ignorance is bliss. So glad you dodged that bullet.. And right from the start! Go you!!!
Load More Replies... #9
He was physically and psychologically abusing to me for years. It took a long time for me to see that even though he was “joking” it was just flat out abuse.
Zophra 3 years ago
Learned these moments of wisdom from another wonderful teacher when addressing unkind moments in my own classroom: "If the other person isn't laughing, then it isn't a joke." And when they say "I wasn't mean... I didn't hurt them" - "In whose reality are we talking about?"
New Everywhere 3 years ago
I live by this. It stuck with me from childhood. Other kids would laugh at the "jokes" but I found myself looking at the subject's face. I could tell if the smile would be forced or fake and they were really hurt or embarassed. Never thought that was cool
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Olivia Beare 3 years ago
I once had a friend that would dig her nails into my skin and call them “friendship marks” and also I had to do everything with her at recess.(yes I’m in 6th grade so I have recess)
Becca Hauck 3 years ago
Those aren't friendship marks. You don't have to do everything with her at at recess. If an adult says that you do, tell another adult. You are a valuable person and nobody has a right to expect you to be a doormat.
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wellwisher 3 years ago
When you call someone out on what they said or what they did to you, or about you and you have enough backbone to say something about it and their reply is that they were just joking or just kidding.No they weren't. They meant it, they just don't have the backbone to own up to it
JenteEnZo 3 years ago
I do gelieve often this is in fact true. But I am really strong verbally, And often my tongue spits out my words sooner than my mind can filter. It really was a Joke, I did not mean IT in any serious way But when it's out it's out. Thank God my partner knows me well enough Just to say something when IT happens, And I always apologize And make up for it. But it's not as black and White or nearly as easy to Just say That people who do these kinds of things always mean itdeep down inside, even though most often IT may Just be That.
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Wysteria_Rose 3 years ago
I had a guy who did this to me. He said because I was a girl who he "didn't see as a girl" meaning because he didn't want to sleep with me, it was okay to physically shove me and say crass fat jokes. One day, I snapped and chewed him out before walking off for good. He's still one of the biggest jerks I've ever met.
robin aldrich 3 years ago (edited)
Let me guess and his response was "why can't you take a joke?" which is a typical response from the toxic kind of men ( and women) that are out there
Megan Schultz 3 years ago
I had this happen to me as a kid. It was hard to see that my ‘friend’ was actually abusing me. Kids blow. I have been guarded ever since and only try to put my friends in the corner of how I would like to be treated.
#10
Best friend of nearly 10 years expected me to travel halfway across the world and take a month off from work to stay with her (and her boyfriend) so that we could go to Oktoberfest and maybe do other things. However, when the time came, she refused to make any concrete plans, but still insisted that I apply for a visa and book my tickets anyway. Note that at this stage she hadn’t even confirmed the dates and had not spoken to her boyfriend about the possibility of my staying there for a month. She never initiated the conversation and very rarely answered my texts/calls. At some point I called her out on it, demanded that she show some interest on her part considering how I would be making a significant financial investment if I had decided to go through with the plan. She told me she was busy and that she would call me back. She never did. One day I simply had enough, blocked her on all social media and haven’t talked to her since. All relationships require effort. If people care, they will show you they care.
Wendy Wiseman 3 years ago (edited)
Sounds like me traveling across the Atlantic to spend my birthday with my so-called BFF, and she ditched me to baby sit her kid & the kids friend and her bosses dogs to hang out with her new boyfriend and also wouldn't return my calls or texts on when she was returning but could check into FB in some bar or other.
TheEndIsNigh 3 years ago
Aw, hell no! That sucks and I'm sorry that happened to you. I hope you are no longer friends with this obviously very selfish person.
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beau danner 3 years ago
Totally correct decision to block. This person is a flake and you dodged a bullet
JenniferNapier 3 years ago
Toxic Vamps. the lot of 'em... Please Do Not lose Your True Beauty..
Nadja de Bruin 3 years ago
I don't put in much effort on maintaining relationships by calling, texting or inviting people over. I'm not very sociable. However, if one of my friends were to call me in the dead of night because they were in trouble, I'd get in the car and come to their aid
Channo Sagara 3 years ago
Don't go somewhere far away if the person that you're going to rely on doesn't even reply your texts.
Marilyn Russell 3 years ago
Thank goodness you took a stand and didn’t spend all that time and money in the arrangements.
Alicia GriffonLady 3 years ago
What if that wasn't her? What if it were thieves trying to lure in the second victim?
#11
When I was hanging out with my real friends and felt at ease and calm with them.
Made me realize that my other friends gave me anxiety.
Katherine Boag 3 years ago
I have a little social anxiety but I can now tell the difference between 'seeing other people makes me anxious' and 'the way this person treats me makes me anxious'
Mahogany Eclipse 3 years ago (edited)
OP must be a HSP (highly sensitive person). I feel the same but sometimes it makes for a lonely existence. *edited for spelling*
Raimei Ai 3 years ago
Jeeze. I have like 3 friends and they don't even live close to me. There is someone close to me who is a "friend" but anytime he calls me it's just to say the healthcare system is B's and he thinks therapists are too dumb to understand him. Then asks me why no one can give him any answers. Like what? How to not be an entitled a-holes all the time? I give him my general rules of thumb. 1. See a therapist 2. Don't buy things you can't afford 3. Pay your rent before wasting money on stuff ya don't need 4. If you want a job-apply 5. If you don't get the job, don't btch to me about it (I got denied at 500 jobs in 2 months-sht happens) 6. Don't threaten to sue someone cuz you made a bad buy 7. If you Wana handle your family problems-CALL YOUR FAMILY-NOT ME!!! I had to block his number from my phone. I can't take it.
serenyaa 3 years ago
I get very stressed when I leave my house so it's very difficult for me to hang out often (like every day or every other day), so my school friends stopped asking me to hang out. Whenever I was out with them, even though I told them I couldn't stay too long or stuff, they'd pressure me and I'd always have anxiety. When I hang out with my true friends I feel so at ease that I'd stay out for hours and hours. Pick your friends wisely!
robin aldrich 3 years ago
I can relate! I'm realizing some relationships that I thought were friendships were physically and emotionally draining... have to cut them loose
JenniferNapier 3 years ago
Blessings on this Massive Awareness! The Takers Are Vamping off Your Good Vibes..
Hockey Guy 3 years ago
I had a friend that I tried to be there for her as much as possible with her anxiety and depression, but when my started having problems with a guy I was dating and needed a place to vent, she dropped me as a friend completely. I still worry and care about her a lot, she is a very intelligent and interesting person that I valued as a friend. It still hurts how one way it was when I needed her emotional support.
#12
My husband and I went on vacation with her and her husband. My husband and I did some gambling and won a decent amount of money. They did not gamble at all. When we got back I found out they had told everyone how much of a b***h I was because I had not offered to pay for their half of the vacation with my gambling winnings. When I confronted her she did not deny it. I didn’t want to be friends with someone that thought money played into our friendship or that talked like that behind my back.
KB 3 years ago
A cousin of mine is quite lucky with his online bets and that. When he gets very lucky, he always gives my mum a few pound from his winnings. Kind of like a "share the wealth" or a "good lucks penny." He would give a few very close family members a little share, nothing major though. I know a few people who do that, only a few though! But thats about it lol nothing extravagant lol i personally would never expect a penny from someone else's winnings. Thats theirs and happy days for them i say 😁
Irishwoman abroad 3 years ago
Yes, I have a colleague who says if you give away some of your winnings, you get more luck. Seems to work for her!
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Marilyn Russell 3 years ago
They can do what whatever they want with their winnings. I bet the other couple wouldn’t do the same if the shoe was on the other foot.
Anne Cleves 3 years ago
This is insane. The audacity of some people. No one owes anyone anything. And if they do something, it's because they want to. What a piece of work. You are better off without that loser.
Agentblackbetty 3 years ago
What a narcissistic a*s. Your winnings had no bearing on her or her husband.
KindaSketchy 3 years ago
In all but the extreme cases, you don't win gambling. All you do is get back some of what you've already lost, whether it be that day or that year. No reason to share it.
Craig Reynolds 1 year ago
I'm willing to gamble that if the situation were in reverse they would not offer to pay for Ops vacation.
Celtic Pirate Queen 3 years ago
On what planet do these assh*les assume YOUR winnings equate to a reduction in their vacation expenses? I could see taking everyone out for a really nice dinner, but most assuredly NOT if they took it fore granted that I SHOULD.
#13
Not me, but the kid who vandalized my house and car.
After someone threw eggs and rocks at my house, and finished with a rock through my windshield, I left the car parked next to the street with a big poster on it with "Reward for information" on it.
Within hours the kid's friends turned him in for $10 each.
Tami 3 years ago
I'd say those friends did them a favor. Kid needs to be called out on that behavior.
Abigail Leonka 3 years ago
I might be understanding you wrong so if I am I'm sorry. The friends must have had something to do with the vandalization if they knew who did it.
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I'm Kid A 3 years ago
Honestly, if I had a little jerkwad like that as a friend, I'd be tempted to turn him in regardless of the reward... Of course, I'd also probably feel guilty enough by association to refuse ten bucks - I'd probably be more worried about getting in trouble myself. Eggs and possibly even rocks won't really do anything to a solid brick wall, but they'll smash windows and mess up wooden walls/siding. Cars will almost always be damaged. Sounds like it could have been a case of "the bad apple" going too far and his friends finally realizing that he went beyond a harmless little prank. Although, I have to wonder... at ten dollars *each*, how much was all this? And, more importantly, egging is usually a group activity, so some of those little snitches probably had a hand in it even if they weren't the one to break the windshield. In a way, I don't exactly blame them for turning in the kid who went too far and smashed the windshield, but I doubt all of them were completely innocent either.
Camryn Vieira 3 years ago
Forget $10, I would've turned him in for a bag of chips and some pocket lint.
Michael Sanders 3 years ago
This isn’t bad friends really. Look the unspoken code is don’t rat on your friends, but they put the sign with the reward and shouldn’t have judged people that have the info they desired.
joe skevis 3 years ago
Exactly. So many of these comments miss that. They think turning one of them in makes the rest better, it makes them worse.
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Houseof No 3 years ago
Don't just be shocked at this juvenile delinquent's errant behavior. It's past time to raise the alarm with this kid's home environment.
#14
They don't contact me at all unless I go out of my way to contact them first. They find any reason to not hang out. They claim we're good friends but it just feels like they just want to be able to say that I'm a friend without doing anything to *be* a friend
Strawberry Pizza 3 years ago
this isn't about the text post but what exactly does that photo have to do with this lol
yeeyee 3 years ago
Kind of hard to find a picture that portrays let down by people you considered friends. since cellphones are a large part of our communications I consider it appropriate. Now if there was a picture of let's say a sunrise than I would wonder.
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Indy 3 years ago
This happened with my family. Every Christmas and birthday I'd call and send a present. I never got a call or present in return. I can't say it didn't hurt but I did it for years because I wanted to show I care. I completely caught them off 5 years ago when they didn't tell my favourite uncle died and they had a celebration party. I spend every Christmas alone but I spend the money on something I really want instead on them. Rather that than toxic family.
Rosie Hamilton 3 years ago
That's awful, I am sorry. You are better off without them, but it doesn't stop it hurting.
Load More Replies... KB 3 years ago
Have a "best friend" just like this. We've been friends for 22 years. Haven't actually seen her in person in 2 years now though and we live in walking distance from one another which is sad really. Makes every excuse under the sun. We even have sons that are months apart in age and i always thought or imagined that they would grow up to be good friends too but again, every excuse has been made in the past 2 years to meet up or even get our boys together to play. An occasional text here and there for the past 2 years... I call her my pen pal now just 😔
Susanne B 3 years ago
Maybe your friend have troubles, that she feel, that she cannot share with you, and that is why she is keeping away.
Load More Replies... TheEndIsNigh 3 years ago
I feel bad, because I am that person. 😔 I don't make an effort to reach out or hang out with people, and will ghost you in a heartbeat. It's...hard to explain. I have "tolerance" issues, and a limit to which I can socialize before being around or talking to people literally makes me want to peel the skin from my face. When I was actually working out in the world, I would come home and sit in a dark, silent house for hours and hours because of the sensory overload. I've lost a lot of friends because of this, unfortunately. 😕
Giobemo 3 years ago
Similar. I feel awkward at family get togethers, and I have a hard time initiating contact with people I don't see every day. All my long distance friendships eventually peter out, and I know it's my fault. And it's sad because I used to feel *so* close to them, and they were such a big part of my life.
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Michael Sanders 3 years ago (edited)
I left the last town I lived in on not the best terms. Details unnecessary but I parted with some “friends” but mostly acquaintances. But I had a super close and very loyal group of friends that stuck with me. I moved away to start fresh and for maybe the first month we texted back and forth and talked here and there. Since then not a peep unless I reach out. This was in 2018. I even went back there and sent a message to 5 people that I told were the most important for me to connect with months in advance. 1 showed. Being let down by existing friends only slightly beats out how hard it is to move to a completely new town on your own at 44 and trying to make new friends. But hey I’m still alive so yay!
Shelby Moonheart 3 years ago
My college friend doesn't reach out to me either, even though we live close. I have to call her first. She says she was thinking of me but doesn't call or email.
Tami 3 years ago
Possibly the friend has social anxiety. You know, afraid to reach out, might accept an offer to do something but then backs out. I have a friend like this and I'm not sure what to do. I'm nearly always the one to make contact. I notice she gets very nervous sometimes, and she's mentioned being on anxiety meds. One time we got together she said she was feeling very anxious and needed to go home. Last time we got together was last year, and we had a really nice time hanging out at a local coffee shop. When we parted she said, "Let's not make it so long between visits!" I haven't heard from her and am wondering if I should contact her again.
Rosie Hamilton 3 years ago
You raise a good point. I must admit I'm someone who finds it very hard to push myself forward. It's the fear of rejection. I'd say reach out but that's because I'd want someone to do that for me. I'm over the moon when someone makes contact and makes me feel wanted and cared about - I make sure they know how much I value it though. So at least they know they are wanted!
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Tien Grooms 3 years ago
Yup I had a "friend" and I always called her I even threw her a sweet sixteen party. I asked why she never called me she said cause she lost my number. She ALWAYS said she lost it. My number NEVER changed I finally
Lisa 3 years ago
This sounds like me and my "friends". My husband and I used to throw a big Halloween party each year and always tried to go bigger and better each year. People always had a great time, but they never did anything to reciprocate the rest of the year. No invites to their houses for dinner, parties, movie nights, meeting for lunch or shopping...nothing. They MAYBE would comment on a FB post that wasn't party related. After looking at the effort and expense, we stopped bothering. I basically have no friends, but at least I was fortunate enough to marry my best friend.
#15
When I realized that everything I did for them, they totally took for granted and advantage of most of the time. Like going out to eat I would usually pay because I used to make more then her but when she got a better job she still expected me to pay all the time. Nope
Alexia 3 years ago
I had such a "friend". I offered her all the emotional support when her fiance dumped her. She literally used to cry in my arms. I patiently listened to all her complaints and venting about her ex. I joined her in vacations so that she wouldn't feel alone and miserable. 2 years after, she finds someone else and gets married. I happened to go through a difficult period then (I was hospitalized), but she didn't care to give me a call. I really needed to talk to someone but she was not interested and even snapped at me a few times. One night we both went out to a restaurant. The waiter casually asked her about me: "Is she your best friend?" to which she calmly replied "No, she's not my friend." I was dumbfounded. She later explained to me that I shouldn't be upset about what she said to the waiter, because she never had any real friends. To this day, she is still wondering "I don't have any friends, nobody wants to be my friend, I wonder why". :))))
Jesse Taylor 3 years ago
That happened to me when I was in my 20s. A girl I thought was my friend would take advantage of my kindness. So, I got even. We went to The Cheesecake Factory, she ordered over $200 worth of food a an expensive bottle of champagne. What she didn't know is I had told the hostess that we wanted our orders separate. Then I ordered a salad to go.. Before the food came over, I searched through my purse, claiming I had left debit card. I told her I'd be right back, when the food arrived. I paid for my salad and left. I heard later on that she had gotten arrested for refusing to pay.
Colleen Rogers 3 years ago
Had a friend like that. Ran her sorry but all over the place in my vehicle and paid for the gas and always got critized for one thing or another. Dumped her 8 years ago. She finally had to go buy herself a new truck because she couldn't use her truck wouldn't make it anywhere. My fault for letting her use me.
serenyaa 3 years ago
When money is involved, people become stupid. I have this group of friends and back in 2018 I didn't have a job (I was 17), meanwhile my 2 friends got money from their parents whenever they asked, and the other girl used to work here and there. Whenever we went out to eat I'd always tell them that I was short on money, and I'd politely ask in advance if we could go somewhere not too expensive. One night we went to this Chinese restaurant and I ordered just some noodles and dumplings, while they all ordered appetisers, main dish and second this plus desert. I had money for dinner and the movies, but when we went to pay one of them said "let's divide equally" so I had to pay something like 10€ extra, plus that same girl asked me to pay for her because she just had a 50€ bill. So I paid and she said she'd buy me snacks at the movies. In the end I paid something like 60€ for dinner and 10€ for the movies, while she just paid me 8€ for the snacks. I went home crying
GramDB 3 years ago
In my teen years every time I went to a party I'd take along some snacks for all my friends to share. I thought everyone did that. They didn't. So I stopped. Then I was asked … "didn't you bring anything?" Finally I realized … the snacks I brought were the only reason I was invited. OUCH! When I had my own parties I only invited real true-blue good friends and served lots of tasty snacks.
Channo Sagara 3 years ago (edited)
OP take his/her friend for granted as well. So after her friend get a better job, OP expect her to start paying. Stop expecting, that's the shortcut to disappointment. Ask. Confront. Talk. Discuss. The world doesn't work like it is in your head.
TheElderNom 3 years ago
And here I've got friends I "fight" with over whose turn it is to treat the other. It's all in good fun, but we generally pay for ourselves now since it's easier that way.
#16
She sided with her boyfriend when I told her he had made jokes about sexual assault which made me uncomfortable, eventually accused me of lying even though she was there when he made them
Stephanie Rayfield 3 years ago
I lost a person I thought was a great friend, one of the best people I’d ever met. Her boyfriend was in a band and ended up doing a show about 45min away from me. My friend & I lived several states away & I hadn’t met her boyfriend. So I went to the show. He hit on me & tried to kiss me. I wouldn’t let him & turned him down flat & told him what I thought. I’m not the type of person to lie or hide things. I’m open, honest, & overall talk too much. I ended up telling my friend. She deserved better but she let him manipulate & lie to her. He’d told her I was jealous & had come on to him (He wasn’t & isn’t the type of guy I would date). Sadly, she believed him & stopped talking to me & I’ve never heard from her again. I hope she’s doing well. I completely understood cause we all meet people like that sometimes, it was just sad.
Channo Sagara 3 years ago
Sounds like one of those pathological b******t stuff we've seen from amber heard. Get away quick.
Michelle Tremblay 3 years ago
My bf married a coke head and it destroyed our friendship for years
Karen Kaiser 3 years ago
I know a woman who did that with her a*****e husband. I'm friends with her civil with him cause he's a spoiled entitled 3 year old in a 60 year old body. I have a illness suddenly he has it. Claims his boss told him to stay home due to a eye infection cause he didn't want him to pass it to other workers. Eye infections are contagious. We got into a fight and I told him I don't come to the house to visit him. He asked then why do you come. It was a complete mystery why I came if not not to see him. His wife held a fundraiser to help me with medical bills. He made a point to go out of his way to kick donations even though they weren't in his way. She'd say we were jealous of his money and as I told her what money he pissed it away as soon as he earned if he earned as he made every excuse not to work. He made $179. A week and put it in to savings account only he had access to and took out $600 weekly to 'buy" groceries which was a gallon of milk, a loaf of bread and Pepsi.
Marilyn Russell 3 years ago
A boyfriend is more important than the friend. I was reticent to tell my own sister about her boyfriend kissing me years ago when I was young and cute because I knew she’d blame me. Also happened with a sister-in-law.
#17
I used to go out for dinner with some college friends.
Unlike me, they'd order multiple "call" drinks and *the most expensive* things on the menu.
Then, when the huge bill arrived, they'd say, "Let's just keep it simple and divide it equally." The guys knew I was paying double or triple what I should have, but that didn't seem to bother them.
James G. Currie 3 years ago
Instant reply..."how about we keep it fair, and each pay for their own?" Or, when they inform the server of this, let him or her know that I will be paying for *my* meal and drinks only.
Sweetpotato314 3 years ago
Yeah that's such BS. It's better to tell the server who's on what check before even ordering. Then, there's no confusion. I don't order alcohol at restaurants because the markup is ridiculous. I'm not sharing someone else's bar tab.
James G. Currie 3 years ago
Even in places where you can "BYOB," the corkage fees can spin out of control.
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Nizumi 3 years ago
Most of my acquaintances/friends have a long standing habit of telling the waiter right at the start that there will be at least two bills - one for the food, another for the drinks. We would usually be going to Indian or Chinese - food where the dishes are communal. I'm also not shy - If it's a tight budget week, I'll say so at the start - "Sorry guys, limited funds and I don't want to cramp your style, so I'm going on my own bill." It's never been a problem. Only one friend has ever called me cheap and I shot back that I would go cheap on myself so that I could spend an evening with friends, but I wasn't going to have anyone foot my share of the bill. Then added it would have been nicer if I was actually spending the evening with a friend...
Marilyn Russell 3 years ago
Nice! If more people were upfront and honest at the get go, there would be less misunderstandings and hurt feelings all round.
Load More Replies... Zophra 3 years ago
And then there's always that one "friend" who shorts the bill and everyone else has to compensate.
Lorraine R 3 years ago
Of course, if it is a business trip and everyone in the group except me is a well paid executive and I am the secretary, and I am ordering the cheapest thing on the menu and no drinks, I would like to think they would not expect me to contribute to their more expensive meals and liquor. So I would put in just what my meal cost, plus tip, and they would be wondering who didn't pay "their fair share". I never said anything, of course.
Load More Replies... Michael Sanders 3 years ago
Ohhhh FUUUUCK THAT A BUNCH. This is a cardinal sin. Pro tip though. In my entire 44 years anytime with evenly splitting it up never works.
James G. Currie 3 years ago
Unless everyone orders the same thing! (Or everyone orders a different entrée, and each is shared by all.)
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Aline 3 years ago
i have friends who do the same just for the sake of keeping it simple. I just told them after one dinner that I don't want to do that because I don't drink as much as them so I always pay more, and they instantly agreed, no arguments, no problems, nothing. maybe just talk about it first, give them a chance.
Barbara Goudie-Bradford 3 years ago
I’ve had this until I was driving them all one night and they still tried it so I said no, I’ll pay for my starter main and the one soft drink I’ve had plus my tip. They complained of course so I told them to suck it up or they could get a taxi home 😂
#18
when i decided not to be the friend who always organised things and started conversations. i get no contact on the weekends and during the week, i noticed that if i kept quiet in a conversation, they wouldn't even notice i was there
Giobemo 3 years ago
Ouch- that moment when you realize people were just being polite in letting you hang around, but really would prefer it if you didn't... Truly humbling. On the other hand, group conversations have a life of their own, and if everyone else is engaging, then it's rarely noticed when one person or another drops out. You don't always have to be center stage.
Albert De Peña 3 years ago
It sucks but don't expect too much or anything from people and you will be happier.
CindyLouWho1209 3 years ago
I've learned to lower my expectations, that way I'm not so disappointed. I'm tired of always being the one to initiate conversations and things to do and then being rejected time after time with lame excuses. Not going to put myself out there so much anymore. If I want to go somewhere or do something, I can usually have as much fun by myself.
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crowspectre (he/they) 3 years ago
Is this not just how people are? This seems like someone making s big deal out of nothing. It's rare to actually be a person who starts things, I'm the only one in my friend group (if I stopped talking I'm fairly sure that I would just get no activity) and that isn't really a problem ig, it's just how people are
Colleen Rogers 3 years ago
Been there done that. Got tired of feeling like I was "begging" for their friendship. 30+ years and I don't miss them.
#19
With friends on a trip to Japan, drinking one night in Roppongi district. I'm trying to taper off, Karen (no, really, it was her name) keeps putting drinks in front of me, paying the bartender for weird shots for me, but not for anyone else in the group. She's saying really catty s**t, but laughing like it's all good fun, we're pals. She starts saying some pointed stuff that makes me think she's been holding on to some really ugly resentment for awhile. After I'm good and sloshed, she pushes me over to my partner and tells him to grab a taxi and take me back. On the way back to the hotel I look at my partner and say, "I didn't realize until now that Karen hates me." He replied, "She sure seems to." Neither the trip nor the friendship was the same after that night, and I had the worse hangover of my entire life, passed out on the floor of a Tokyo hotel bathroom.
Courtney Bolton 3 years ago
Just because she was buying the drinks doesn't mean you had to drink them.
Brian Dean 3 years ago
Seriously!, just let her keep paying for drinks that sit there undrunk
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Erin r Jones 3 years ago
Wtf, that person isn't just "not your friend", they are a sociopath, ruuuuuun the other way and never look back
Mary Mosher 3 years ago
It's absolutely no excuse for the way your friend treated you, but she didn't tie you down and waterboard you with drinks. You could have simply stopped drinking them.
King PBJames 3 years ago
What, she was grabbing you by the mouth and forcing drinks down your throat? If you're done drinking just don't drink. If someone wants to waste their money buying someone a shot they don't want, that's on them.
joe skevis 3 years ago
Some of us don't want to make trouble and will go along even when we don't want it or know it's a bad idea. Not everyone stands up for themselves.
Load More Replies... Craig Reynolds 1 year ago
I would have refused the drinks once I was at my desired buzz level. No way I would ever let that situation occur.
#20
We lived together during our early university years. I was not in a good place when we became friends. A couple years later, I picked myself up, got into really good shape, was accepted into the degree program I wanted and found an extremely awesome job. She said she couldn’t continue being friends with me because I didn’t need her. If you don’t grow together, you grow apart. Years later we were still Facebook “friends”. She deleted me when I got engaged. I noticed and asked her why, she said she didn’t care anymore about anything in my life. It took me a long time to get over that last part. No one needs that in their life.
Hphizzle 3 years ago
I think that they were jealous. Even people I don’t really care about get engaged or lose a ton of weight, I think “yay for them”. To actively block people takes effort, meaning there is usually some deeper emotions at play.
I'm Kid A 3 years ago
Same. If I see that someone who I was friends with a decade ago got engaged/married/had a kid/etc., I think "Oh, cool, I'm glad they're doing so well." If every single post I see on my timeline or whatever is a barrage of "perfect" pics, I might change my settings so that I see those less often, but I don't straight up try to remove them from existence. That just screams "I"m insecure and you being happy makes me unhappy!"
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Ash 3 years ago
What I don't understand is why people stay "friends" with people on social media when they're not friends in real life. Why follow them on socials if you don't care enough about them to engage in real life? This goes both ways! Why was OP so concerned about being deleted by someone they aren't even friends with??
Catherine Graffham 3 years ago
She just wanted to feel superior, I bet. And then hated it when she couldn’t pity OP or look like a good person for ‘caring’ for OP.
Destiny Thornton 3 years ago
She might have had deeper feelings for you than you realized. Unrequited love hurts.
Craig Reynolds 1 year ago
If she were any more green with envy she would need mold mitigation...
Sara Harvilla 3 years ago
I had a longtime friend who was similar to this. She liked to "fix" things for me. If my life was going well, she wasn't really interested in me. Weird!
Misty-Dawn Amayi 3 years ago
Huh, it's usually the other way around for me. I help the friend through a dark part of their life and I invest in them starting a new and better life, and they ghost me to ensure that no one in their new circle knows where they were. My ex-friend A***** was one such person, finding a very flimsy excuse to be offended at me so that she could ghost me and a few others from her past just before her engagement to be married. That marriage unsurprisingly failed, and she found herself alone from there.
Danielle Richardson 3 years ago
I see people talking about jealousy and resentment from your former friend but there's nothing wrong with the way they handled that. Peoples attentions shift. She was honest enough to let you know truthfully rather than be fed information on a relationship that's longer an interest which becomes a distraction. No one should have to entertain anyone for any reason, anytime. Your time and thoughts are your own and I applaud her
#21
He ghosted me because he got a girlfriend. I knew it was going to happen, even said so when it happened, but he assured me he wouldn't disappear.
It's two months and counting since he last texted me.
Ansi 3 years ago
This is such a typical thing and I hate it! Why? Well, when I found my boyfriend I worked hard on keeping my 18 month friendship going. We did almost everything in three and made sure that she wouldn't feel excluded and/or forgotten. Two weeks in she got a boyfriend of her own and then I didn't hear from her again unless we bumped into her randomly. (Still have my boyfriend/husband though)
Sweetpotato314 3 years ago
Yep - happens all the time. I've lost so many friends to girl/boyfriend and also to kids.
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Helderder 3 years ago
Ok, to me true friendship is not about how often you see or speak to each other. The best friends I have I can see once a year without there being an issue. Sometimes life happens. Relationships, busy jobs etc.
JK Rowling 3 years ago
Yes, but it would still feel horrible when friends dump you for people they barely know on the off-chance that they can be 'the one' or whatever.
Load More Replies... Wysteria_Rose 3 years ago
Happened to me and a best girl friend after she got a boyfriend in high school. After a bit, only he existed to her and despite that we had been super close, she completely stopped talking to me or even acknowledging that I was there. Finally, I met other friends. They eventually broke up and she spent the rest of high school sitting alone. It was more sad to me than hurtful.
Shayla Katherina 3 years ago
This happens a lot when people get married, too. Not sure of the situation here, but it might be due to a jealous and insecure SO.
Darla Taylor 3 years ago
Hope when his girlfriend dumps him that OP doesn’t allow the wanker to come back and cry on their shoulder
K Sarfo 3 years ago
I had this happen to me too. We talked almost every day for three years, met up for gaming, fishing , walks and laughs. When he got a girlfriend he told me again and again we were best friends and would be in each others life forever. He even cryed. Then i didnt hear from him for three years untill he didnt answer a casual not commital ask for information message. That ticked me of and I told him that all the respect i ever had for him was like p**s in the sea. Dont treat woman as comfort-boobs and throw them away when the "real woman" arrive
#22
When they put rocks in my shoes and threw them in the quarry.
Wonderful 3 years ago
Some peoples closest friends are their bullies they just don't realize it.
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Dafina Burlakova 3 years ago
I had a similar situation when I was young where my friends didn’t throw rocks in my shoes, they threw rocks at me…they called it just a game, but i dont think a game is supposed to hurt you that much…..
Michael ONeale 3 years ago
Pushing them in after my boots sayin go get em...or their car might end up like boomhauer's mustang
Mahogany Eclipse 3 years ago
Asshats. Our neighbors did shitty stuff like this to us growing up because they didnt like our last name. Pathetic. I feel for you, OP. With friends like that, who needs enemies?
#23
He got busy with his own life and I got busy with mine, and as much as I tried to keep in touch, he never did the same. I hear from him once in a blue moon, but whenever I try to make plans, he dodges me. I just finally came to the realization that a friendship isn't worth my time if I'm putting in all the effort and getting absolutely nothing back. It's sad, this is a guy I spent most of my young and teenage years with, practically lived at his house. We spent every waking minute together and had so many awesome times. I guess life just had different paths for us both. I don't begrudge him for anything, I don't think he has intentionally cut me out, I think he's just caught up in his own journey. Maybe one day life will bring us back to the same place and we will spend time together again, but maybe not.
Kayla 3 years ago
Your replies seem really caring! Just wanted to let you know some people feel the same and your work hasn't gone unnoticed or "like and scroll"ed.
Load More Replies... HarriMissesScotland 3 years ago
This is a bit different. After my father died, I had a nervous breakdown and needed to get away from toxic family. I left the country for 11 years, and no one knew where I was. I found on FB that I needed to come back. My best friend from 1966 never questioned me, just welcomed me back.
Emma Starr 3 years ago
My best friend of 25 years basically ghosted me and then claimed I was the one at fault. Very painful to go through but I'm better off without her. She was toxic and I couldn't see it because we'd been friends for so long. It gets better:)
FreshGanesh 3 years ago
Perfectly articulated. Friendships are fluid and, as long as no bridges are burnt, it’s nice to be able to drift back and forth with closeness. It’s awesome when it comes around unexpectedly.
Violet_aesthetic 3 years ago
That’s a really positive way to look at the situation you seem like a great person
Seadog 3 years ago
Reminds me of my best friend growing up. Everyone kind of assumed we'd marry. In reality we never even dated, I was interested but guess she valued smoking more than our friendship and knew with my allergies we'd never work out. After she moved away it wasn't long before I never heard from her again.
grabyerpitchforks 3 years ago
Seems like OP's wisdom will take them far, I'm sure they'll discover many more friendships.
#24
Our group of around 6 was all out playing basketball except I only found out when I went outside to do errands cuz of how bored I was at home. Not only that but I also heard they came near my place to use our internet to message our other friend to come play with them. That really f****d with me and I never felt the same around them.
Darla Taylor 3 years ago
Time for a strong firewall and password to prevent them from using your internet
JuniorCJ82 3 years ago
Change the network name to something like "F**k You Guys" and change the password.
#25
We were friends for almost 10 years. Every once in a while, we'd have small arguments, but always come around and told each other everything.
Over a year ago, we went to a party. I didn't drink, but he did. He got extremely moody, wouldn't talk to me and kept disappearing to a room to be alone. Kept brushing me off every time I asked if he was okay. He left the party early without telling me, and I sent him a pissed off text because we had agreed earlier to cab home together.
The next day I call and text. No answer. A week passes. More texts, still no answer. I go to his house. His roommate says he won't speak to me. He deletes and blocks me on all social media. I call and text him more, saying I'm sorry for whatever it is I must have done, still no answer. I message his friends, asking what I could have done and they have no idea, all he's saying is he doesn't want to see me.
At one point I fell into a depression. Am I such an uncaring person that I couldn't even know that I did something wrong? Or was our friendship even that great if he was willing to drop me so suddenly without explanation or goodbye? It's a weird, scary thought when someone who knows more about you than anyone refuses to even speak to you ever again.
It's been over a year and still no word. I went to a party the other day that I heard he'd be at. The host told me that as soon as he heard I was coming, he decided not to come. It's probably one of the biggest heartbreaks of my life.
Samantha 3 years ago
My thought is that it's guilt. The former friend did something that he feels guilty about (kissed OP's girl, trash-talked him, maybe even found himself attracted to OP) and can't handle it. Or someone lied about OP to the friend.
Becca Hauck 3 years ago
I'm wondering if it's that or if OP said things that he doesn't realize are offensive and this time it was the straw that broke the camel's back. A friend of mine kept talking about how it's fine for women to be raped because sometimes men are raped too. He thought it wasn't okay to make a big deal of a woman being raped without focusing on unknown men being raped. One comment too many and I ghosted him. Not sorry.
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Emma Starr 3 years ago
I had a similar situation. It's very painful but it gets better. And you deserve real friends, not someone who would do that.
Sweetpotato314 3 years ago
I had a 10-year best friend ghost me with zero explanation. She blocked me on FB and everything. I never found out why or what happened. I like to think there was something in her life, because I know I hadn't done anything wrong. At least I think so!
ADumpsterFire 3 years ago
I had to ghost a former friend when got over committed to an MLM. She started only contacting me to try to sell me something or recruit me then would be furious when i wouldn't do either. I blocked her on everything. Five years later In an effort to reconnect she used a new account and accused my boyfriend of being with another woman "RIGHT THIS MOMENT". He was sitting next to me on the couch...sooo idk who she thought she saw.
Kat 3 years ago
I ghosted one of my friends without any explanation. She probably thought that it was extremely random and stuff, but I found out what a backstabbing b...h she actually was and decided to end this friendship without any explanation just like that. I know for sure that all the stories were true. There were actually photos of her kissing my back then boyfriend. Needless to say, said boyfriend also wasn't one after that.
Lori Fleetwood 3 years ago
I had a friend like that. One day she just stopped responding to me. I had graduated and gotten a job and she was a year away from graduating. She never sent me a graduation announcement, no wedding announcement when she got married. A mutual friend told me that she was sick and he"d recommended she contact me. She never did. I didn't even know she had died until a year later. And I have no idea why.
Charles Tsua 3 years ago (edited)
Had a friend of 10 years or so ghost me just before my birthday dinner he accepted the invitation to go to. No explanation at all. Could have said he can't attend and was going off radar etc but I was worried something had happened to him, then it turns out he went off radar and disabled all his social media etc. Found out from a friend he's alive and well but to this day 5/6 years later I have no clue as to why he simply accepted my invitation only to not turn up without explanation. Still grates me to this day as I can't think of anything that I might have done for him to ghost me like that. I still hear from another friend that is close to him about him on the odd occasion and from others posting old photos of him from time to time and it really makes me upset as I try to put that friendship behind me and it doesn't help to be reminded of him once in a blue moon. The worse thing is not knowing the reason why he doesn't want to contact me anymore, so here's me spending countless years mulling it over as I can't help over-analysing it.
Anne Cleves 3 years ago (edited)
From what you have written, it seems like you're pushing too hard. They are not your relative or spouse or even partner. Even then, the persistence is not healthy. I understand to follow up a few times but after that, you have to leave it to the other person to decide if they want to talk. In life, do your part and that's all that you can do. You have to allow others to do what they want. You can't force people to talk to you. No matter what the circumstances. You can ask, but after that, you have to let it go. Our world is so big, life is so precious, please try to move on, find other things in life to enjoy and don't put your happiness and self worth on others.
Rachel Hardy 3 years ago
Traumatized, alcoholic (in recovery), ghosted, and ghoster, here! As someone who has washed their hands of people once close to me without a word (usually with good cause in my case; I am a survivor of emotional abuse), ghosting comes down to one or both of these things: 1.) The ghoster is struggling with mental illness, addiction, trauma etc and withdrawing from people - and there's usually a "I'll-just-weigh-you-down" aspect to it, or just outright social anxiety. 2.) Whether it's a misunderstanding or not, the ghoster might be so set off by something the ghosted said or did, but is so hurt that they walk away and don't look back. Especially if the ghoster has a new-found trauma from any kind of abuse. I think in your case, your friend probably took something the wrong way, and doesn't feel comfortable talking to you about it. In which case, cherish the memories, but let them go. People change, especially after almost 10 years. Learned that the hard way myself...
Mmm K 3 years ago
I was in that situation with my ex-bestfriend. I gave so much of myself to that friendship and worked hard to keep it healthy even though she wasn't really good to me. She ended up ghosting me as well and it wrecked me for a long while. I knew it was unfair because based on the way our friendship was, it was clear to everyone that I should have been the one to cut her off.
Patricia Henderson 3 years ago
I've had the same experience. Still bothers me.
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#26
When I was the constant butt of their jokes, and they were thinly veiled insults that they gaslighted me into thinking I made up or that they were actual jokes made out of love.
Courtney Christelle 3 years ago
You're the one who decides if the way people speak to you is acceptable, not them.
Marilyn Russell 3 years ago
Yes, some of us need to learn to set clear boundaries. You shouldn’t have to ask for respect.
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MelonCloud 3 years ago
A joke is only a joke (and funny) when everybody is laughing. And in this case especially if OP thinks it’s funny too. Otherwise they are what OP said they were: insults! And friends don’t insult each other. They can have dark humor. And when OP, or just the person talked about, finds it funny, it’s okay. Some people like self-mockery and are okay with friends making the same jokes / jokes in the same category. But the butt of the joke has to think it’s funny too! If you are not more than a 1000% sure your friend likes it, don’t make the insult-like joke about them. Not to their face and not behind their back!
Amelie Krikorian 3 years ago
I had that…with my sisters. They disliked everything about me and whispered to each other while looking right at me. I put up with it for 40 years. Have not spoken to any of them in more than ten years now and it is such a weight off my heart!
Becca Hauck 3 years ago
Yours might be like mine. I was well into adulthood before I realized that even though there was so much wrong in my life, both sisters were super jealous and broken. Didn't matter that I was in a really abusive marriage, 4 guys wanted to marry me so they were jealous. Didn't matter if they had cute dogs, now that I also have a cute dog... They're super jealous and anything I say about him is bragging. I still talk to them but we now have very clear boundaries.
Load More Replies... Mahogany Eclipse 3 years ago
Its not. I was treated this way many times in school and by our crappy neighbor kids on the block (because our last name). Its hurtful and damaging years down the road. Im 38 now and I will never be able to understand the hurt and shame they caused me and my family.
Kelly Boekhout 3 years ago
People like to try to disguise cruelty with humor. Like you can't tell the difference
Channo Sagara 3 years ago
Mock them back. If they get pissed, they're not your friends. Mockery in friendships goes both ways.
#27
I was in a friends group of 11. Really close, hung out alot. Oddly enough, everyone coupled up. I was the only non-couple from the group (my gf wasn't from the pack). Eventually I found out that they met up very often without inviting me and I was just phased out. We had a WhatsApp group but it was quite underutilised.
In the end, I just left the group.
Valley Girl 3 years ago
Doesn't matter... I show up to all group meatings. Meetings, nope.
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#28
It slowly fell apart. She moved to live with her partner and we slowly stopped talking as often until rarely talking at all.
I knew I was done when she asked me to help find someone to film her wedding-that I was not invited to.
But she's happy with how her life is and who am I to judge for that?
HarriMissesScotland 3 years ago
She hurt you. Even though I don't know you, there is pain in your last sentence. I'm sorry.
felicia wills 3 years ago (edited)
Being hurt doesn't mean you're judging. You can have feelings about how someone treated you 💜
Chelle Jones 3 years ago
I had a friend who was my maid of honor but when she got married I was not asked to be in the wedding. I was hurt but accepted it until I found out her fiance wanted perfect wedding pictures and I was too fat for his liking. Karma got them in the end but my heart hurt at the loss of friendship.
Channo Sagara 3 years ago
Have you asked? There's a probability that she thought you will come WITH the photographer, or just forget in the hectic wedding preparation... If you have asked and the answer is what you thought, feel free to curse her all you want, she deserve it.
Ata 3 years ago
To be honest when is a closed friend I dont even need an invite to things but an special occasion like a wedding there's always a special invite.
Load More Replies... #29
They never paid me back the concert tickets I bought for them
SAF saf 3 years ago
lol....yep, these are usually you cheap friends. What they don't realize is that they've essential burned their credit with you.
wellwisher 3 years ago
Consider this breinh worth the money because now you know and it will never happen again.
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Janice Strickland 3 years ago
My deal with concerts is I pay for tickets and my guest buys me a Tshirt. The cost is about the same.
M. William Bell 3 years ago
If you're in Canada, there is finally a new app that will help. It's called Verto. The address is either ver.to or ver.to/app I think???
Mark Kelly 1 year ago
I have a few friends who owe me money. At least some of them are paying me back
Christopher Valencia 3 years ago
Former best friend got a gf who was a completely entitled Karen who insisted on tagging along to a Vegas weekend she didn't contribute any money to. The entire time she forced him to do whatever she wanted and he was too much of a pushover to tell her no. I put my foot down and told her that unless she started paying she had no business telling us what to do. They ended stranding me in Vegas.
abby smink 3 years ago
I mean, all things considered, that's not a huge deal. Especially when you just go by the rule of lending more than you can afford to lose anyways .
#30
He decided to join a skinhead group in high school.
Well-Dressed Wolf 3 years ago (edited)
Somewhat similarly, I lost my lifelong best friend when I was 18 because I started dating a Chinese guy. Suddenly my best friend starts making racist jokes and using racial slurs and saying things like “I can’t BELIEVE you’re dating a (very offensive racial slur referring to Asians)”. That’s when I thought back to all my friend’s boyfriends and realized they had all been literally blond-haired, blue-eyed white dudes. It really hurt that my best friend, whom I had supported during him coming out to his parents, gone to Pride marches and events with him, and had shared everything with, suddenly turned out to be a raging racist. Haven’t talked to ex-friend in 22 years… am still with same Chinese boyfriend :p
KJ Farmer 3 years ago
Congratulations. My wife and I will celebrate our 22nd anniversary in September.
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Barney Stinson 3 years ago
Something to note: Being a skinhead does not automatically mean you're a racist neo-nazi pos. The Skinhead movement was started by working class Jamaicans and African-English folks, and originally had everything to do with working class solidarity and nothing to do with racism. A Nazi tactic is infiltration, appropriation until association, and they infiltrated the Skinhead movement to make it about them. There are still racist skinheads, and they're commonly called "Bone-Heads". Theres also anti-racist skinheads, often called Sharpies because of the SHARPs (SkinHeads Against Racial Prejudice). Nazis tried to do the same thing to Punk, and failed after it ended in a lot of dead and beat up Nazis.
Edward E. Edwards 3 years ago
You beat me to the punch. Well said. I have current friends that are SHARPs, both white and black. It’s a stigma that needs to be addressed, and broken.
Load More Replies... Michael ONeale 3 years ago
Did you punch him in the throat before ghosting him...seems only fair
Raimei Ai 3 years ago
I ended a friendship over my "friend" calling me a racist after I said I see a living being first and I don't care about someone's skin color. He then said "As a black man myself, I can say, that's the most racist honky-cracker-a$$ thing I've ever heard! Ain't it funny that only wonder breads can be racist?" .....really? He's the one who called me a honky-cracker and then called me wonder bread...
Nessie Will 3 years ago
I will not justify what he called you, but just a note that what you said, while well meaning CAN perpetuate racism. Instead of calling you a racist, he could have explained the reason for his views on this. Saying that you only see a living being and not someone's skin colour tends to be a way of living reserved for the privileged. It can come across as a way of turning a blind eye to the systemic racism that does exist in our part of the world and puts one in a position to be condescending to those who are affected by it. E.g: "Why must you bring race into everything? Are you SURE you did not misread their intentions? That person is playing the race card again." It can also come across as being more concerned with making sure that people know you are a "nice" person that with being an ally to help dismantle systemic racism.
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Sasha Elms 3 years ago (edited)
Your friend needs his a*s beat . All of us real skin heads are done with these posers. We get that racists & fascists can't come up with anything original so they have to steal & corrupt everything but its time they find something else.
Neecie Wilson 3 years ago
Skinheads are not racists. Skinheads is a form of punk over in the UK. The neo Nazis that look like skin heads are what you are talking about.
Mrs. Moose 3 years ago
So... What? Did you somehow see changes in this person? You had no idea they were racial before this? Hard to believe.
#31
She told me the friendship no longer held value to her and she always viewed it as shallow. Which I found rather ironic considering I was the one that she called when she had suicidal thoughts, she lived with my family after her dad beat her, we Skyped every week for years when I moved away, traveled together, were best friends for almost a decade, created countless memories together, and I told her every secret I had during that time. But apparently it wasn’t the same for her.
#32
None of the people I used to hang out with and see on a regular basis reach out to me after I moved away. The ones that do are all former co-workers. I guess I should have hung out with the people at work more than the people I thought were my friends.
Peaches GreFra 3 years ago
You're not alone. I lost 50% of my friends when I left home and started my 3.5 year long world journey. You'd think they would've left over time but they did leave in the first 3 months (!) disappointment is an understatement
#33
He wanted everything to be about him and hated when anyone else got attention. He was super agressive and would yell at people for nothing. He was addicted to sports drinks and was always super hyper which only made him or agressive. One time he came over and bullied my brother and punched a wall in anger when I told him to stop. That's where I drew the line and cut him off. He lost a lot of his friends over the years and last I checked he managed a grocery store. Hope you cleaned up your act, Kyle.
#34
She was a psycho. Super controlling and never wanted me to hang out with my other friends. Also never got out of her weird vampire obsession phase. Remember when we were 14 and I said something she didn't like so she bared her teeth at me and hissed. That's when I thought "okay well, this pity party is over."
deanna woods 3 years ago
She is probably still in that vampire phase. Only now she probably sleeps in a coffin.
Michael ONeale 3 years ago
Yeah, nothing wrong with like vampires but that's crossing the line...see what I did there...lol...I'm sorry
#35
When you find out that people make plans regularly without you.
Most of my friends live a bit of a way away, so sometimes, those who live close together (or with each other) do stuff without me, which is fine, but we also do stuff together on a fairly regular basis. I've had friends who have just not bothered with the second part.
Griff 3 years ago
I get that. I frequently travel to Florida for family. One time, I was really trying to get my friends together so we could hang out and I could get some relaxation before I left (sleeping on a couch for a few weeks, being a night owl and everyone else being an early morning riser and having to deal with a one year old really makes life suck). As soon as I left (and I mean AS SOON as I left, like two days) my two friends decided to hang out together... And post pics of them hanging out without me in the group chat (it was literally just the three of us in the chat...) And basically kinda gloat about how much fun they're having. The reasoning for them not wanting to hang out when I was in town was that they were "too busy"
#36
When I was young, it was because my best friend grew out of playing with dolls before I did. All she wanted to do was wear make up, and so she got new friends who all wore make up.
It's been twenty years since I saw her last, but I'll never forget that. Young me was heartbroken.
deanna woods 3 years ago
You are never too old to play with dolls and she is the one that lost out.
I'm Kid A 3 years ago
Dude... like, if you could see my stuffed animal collection at 27 years old... never too old for that stuff. Been sleeping with the same stuffed leopard since I was 7 or 8. Pretty sure I've got some "My Scene" or whatever they were called dolls in my parents' attic. Never too old.
Catherine Graffham 3 years ago (edited)
Same! I still cuddle ‘Almond’ my beanie buddy that I’ve had since I was 7 and I’m 28 now! (I joked that she’d be able to drink in America now recently) and I have a ton of teddies in my bedroom
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#37
I was planning my birthday party last year and when people showed up early and saw me working, nobody offered to help with anything.
Jiska Veldhuizen 3 years ago
Exactly! Sometimes people don't really know how to act so just ask if you need help.
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Mediocre Genius 3 years ago
It's a good practice to ask for what you need, not assume people know. They may have felt that you had everything under control because you didn't ask.
#38
He broke off the friendship w me because he married a girl I slept with in the past. (I introduced them)
What do you think ?
Iriané Marie Laurentwolff 3 years ago
There's something that I've learnt about people. They, the very most of them, demands you to cope with their shitty, cheap, manipulative, and selfish and offensive actitude. If not. Your punishment is to be alone and with no one to talk or hang. Descent people are segregated just for not allowing someone to harm their dignity and self respect.
Doctor Strange 3 years ago
Last September, I ended up in the ICU for about a week. A viral infection caused some of my internal organs to stop working, including my pancreas. That, in turn, caused my blood sugar to spike off the scale (literally off the scale, the in hospital meter readers couldn't even give a number), and that lead to severe dehydration. According to the staff, if I had been even one more hour I definitely would have died, and as it was they weren't sure I was going to make it as I was in the worst shape of anyone brought in that day. So while I was quite literally laying on my potential deathbed, not a single one of my friends visited. I spent my time in the ICU alone.
deanna woods 3 years ago
My instance occurred in high school. My aunt worked at the school board and they planned to throw me a graduation party. They told me to give them the names of eight people that I wanted to invite and I did. Only two of them showed up to the party. I learned at that point that not everyone that you think is your friend is your friend.
NotMe 3 years ago (edited)
There's definitely shitty people everywhere, but I also wonder about one thing: What if I did something that really hurt a friend and they never told me and I just for whatever reason didn't think it was a big deal? And what if they just stopped thinking of me as a friend, the same way I'm hurt about stuff someone else said or did to me? I think some people are just bad at communicating (this includes myself, ofc).
MoJo1979 3 years ago
I always used to be the one reaching out to friends. At the start of the pandemic, I arranged weekly video chats for us and after about 3 weeks of us doing it, some people started to not show up. I then made the decision not to chase people anymore to see who would actually reach out. Only 4 friends did and they're the ones that got my new phone number when I changed contracts. Those 4 friends are all I need and we all make an effort to spend time together at least once a month and we text/call each other every day.
Angela 3 years ago
I became sick with what would become a chronic, disabling illness. At first friends are supportive. However, when I never got better, everyone moved on with their lives as though I no longer exist. Now, my immediate family is my sole support.
NatalieC 3 years ago (edited)
I got fired from a job some years ago, and it was a horrible situation. I had one work friend there at the time. I couldn't find another job so my house went into foreclosure, filed for bankruptcy, had to rehome my dogs and managed to buy a shitty little trailer that i could afford. Everything in my life sucked. So, this work friend calls me to tell me how much the employer loves her and how great things are going and apparently someone gave her a house? Never once asked how things were with me. It was a hurtful call. Then, after that my trailer burned down and I wound up living in my car. The karma part: My trailer was in Paradise CA which PG&E burned to the ground in 2018. I have just finalized a settlement where I get $300,000. Haha... SUCK ON THAT, Cynthia.
Berdarien Brown 3 years ago
I have two. One I was in construction for years, mainly industrial lots of heights. I got sick and couldn't do it anymore. After treatment I had friends who convinced me to open a logistics business. These were people who I'd had over for Christmas and Thanksgiving. Had tons of nights hanging out camping or even just having parties. Some of the closest friends of the group. Had my business going ok and the wife was doing my books. I noticed some inconsistencies but I was doing well so no worries. Then had an argument with a driver about nonpayment and called the trucking company. Turns out what they were billing and what I was getting were vastly different things. Called her out and she went nuts, called all my contacts and accused me of being a drug addict.(I don't even drink). I lost my business fairly quickly. Had to move in with my folks and start my life all over. Was a great lesson in business horrible lesson in friendship.
Violet Jensen 3 years ago
My pet snake passed away after getting sick, and my vegetarian friend told me that I was being insensitive to their mental health by crying about it in front of them. I cut them off and they told everyone I left because of their mental health :( all my other friends believed me though
Katie Lutesinger 3 years ago
I used to have this big group of friends who I'd meet up with for drinks and pool and house parties and other fun stuff. Then they all moved away at about the same time and suddenly I had no-one to hang out with. I'm not upset with them; they were all studying engineering when I knew them and there weren't enough good job opportunities here so they left to look for work. But losing that social circle really sucked.
Iriané Marie Laurentwolff 3 years ago
There's something that I've learnt about people. They, the very most of them, demands you to cope with their shitty, cheap, manipulative, and selfish and offensive actitude. If not. Your punishment is to be alone and with no one to talk or hang. Descent people are segregated just for not allowing someone to harm their dignity and self respect.
Doctor Strange 3 years ago
Last September, I ended up in the ICU for about a week. A viral infection caused some of my internal organs to stop working, including my pancreas. That, in turn, caused my blood sugar to spike off the scale (literally off the scale, the in hospital meter readers couldn't even give a number), and that lead to severe dehydration. According to the staff, if I had been even one more hour I definitely would have died, and as it was they weren't sure I was going to make it as I was in the worst shape of anyone brought in that day. So while I was quite literally laying on my potential deathbed, not a single one of my friends visited. I spent my time in the ICU alone.
deanna woods 3 years ago
My instance occurred in high school. My aunt worked at the school board and they planned to throw me a graduation party. They told me to give them the names of eight people that I wanted to invite and I did. Only two of them showed up to the party. I learned at that point that not everyone that you think is your friend is your friend.
NotMe 3 years ago (edited)
There's definitely shitty people everywhere, but I also wonder about one thing: What if I did something that really hurt a friend and they never told me and I just for whatever reason didn't think it was a big deal? And what if they just stopped thinking of me as a friend, the same way I'm hurt about stuff someone else said or did to me? I think some people are just bad at communicating (this includes myself, ofc).
MoJo1979 3 years ago
I always used to be the one reaching out to friends. At the start of the pandemic, I arranged weekly video chats for us and after about 3 weeks of us doing it, some people started to not show up. I then made the decision not to chase people anymore to see who would actually reach out. Only 4 friends did and they're the ones that got my new phone number when I changed contracts. Those 4 friends are all I need and we all make an effort to spend time together at least once a month and we text/call each other every day.
Angela 3 years ago
I became sick with what would become a chronic, disabling illness. At first friends are supportive. However, when I never got better, everyone moved on with their lives as though I no longer exist. Now, my immediate family is my sole support.
NatalieC 3 years ago (edited)
I got fired from a job some years ago, and it was a horrible situation. I had one work friend there at the time. I couldn't find another job so my house went into foreclosure, filed for bankruptcy, had to rehome my dogs and managed to buy a shitty little trailer that i could afford. Everything in my life sucked. So, this work friend calls me to tell me how much the employer loves her and how great things are going and apparently someone gave her a house? Never once asked how things were with me. It was a hurtful call. Then, after that my trailer burned down and I wound up living in my car. The karma part: My trailer was in Paradise CA which PG&E burned to the ground in 2018. I have just finalized a settlement where I get $300,000. Haha... SUCK ON THAT, Cynthia.
Berdarien Brown 3 years ago
I have two. One I was in construction for years, mainly industrial lots of heights. I got sick and couldn't do it anymore. After treatment I had friends who convinced me to open a logistics business. These were people who I'd had over for Christmas and Thanksgiving. Had tons of nights hanging out camping or even just having parties. Some of the closest friends of the group. Had my business going ok and the wife was doing my books. I noticed some inconsistencies but I was doing well so no worries. Then had an argument with a driver about nonpayment and called the trucking company. Turns out what they were billing and what I was getting were vastly different things. Called her out and she went nuts, called all my contacts and accused me of being a drug addict.(I don't even drink). I lost my business fairly quickly. Had to move in with my folks and start my life all over. Was a great lesson in business horrible lesson in friendship.
Violet Jensen 3 years ago
My pet snake passed away after getting sick, and my vegetarian friend told me that I was being insensitive to their mental health by crying about it in front of them. I cut them off and they told everyone I left because of their mental health :( all my other friends believed me though
Katie Lutesinger 3 years ago
I used to have this big group of friends who I'd meet up with for drinks and pool and house parties and other fun stuff. Then they all moved away at about the same time and suddenly I had no-one to hang out with. I'm not upset with them; they were all studying engineering when I knew them and there weren't enough good job opportunities here so they left to look for work. But losing that social circle really sucked.
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