The USA is the only nation where state jokes are more common than ever. These jokes are funny, serious, and insulting at the same time. It is the ultimate American joke, as it makes fun of itself. But, instead of making fun of the nation overall, they poke fun at a single aspect of it — a state. Plenty of funny state jokes have a little bit of a “spice” in them.
The United States, as the name gives out, is a union of many states — 50, to be exact. With this large number of “members,” people were given the ability to create some funny state jokes, poking fun at the neighboring state. For example, if you ever go to Michigan, you might hear “Ohio” in the punchline of a joke. Their Ohio state jokes originated due to the football rivalry they have. All in all, it’s just innocent fun!
If you are out searching for the best American jokes, you are in luck. Below, we have compiled a list of some of the funniest jokes that poke fun at the 50 states of the USA. Be sure to upvote the jokes and puns that suit the state's stereotypical image. On the other hand, if you want to poke some fun at a state, share your joke or pun in the comments below.
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An Alaskan was on trial in Anchorage.
The prosecutor leaned menacingly toward him and asked, “Where were you on the night of October to April?”
“I can’t believe it,” said the tourist. “I’ve been here in Portland an entire week and it’s done nothing but rain. When do you have summer here?”
“Well, that’s hard to say,” replied the local. “Last year, it was on a Wednesday.”
How do you know you live in Georgia?
When all directions start with “Go down Peachtree…” and include the phrase “When you see the Waffle House…”
You know you live in Massachusetts when all directions include reference to at least one Dunkin' Donuts, but more likely several.
"In other parts of the country, couples try to stay together for the sake of the children. In New York, they try to work things out for the sake of the apartment." — David Sedaris
A drunk Alaskan decides to go ice fishing.
He starts sawing a hole in the ice, but just then a booming voice says, “You will find no fish there.”
The drunk ignores it and continues sawing. The voice repeats, “You will find no fish under the ice.”
The drunk looks up and says, “God, is that you?”
The voice says, “No, I’m the manager of this ice rink.”
An Arkansas state trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40.
He says to the driver, “Got any ID?”
The driver asks, “‘Bout what?”
A man from Kansas City walks into a bar and asks, “Wanna hear a joke about people from St. Louis?”
The bartender says, “Listen, pal, I’m from St. Louis, and I won’t appreciate it. The man sitting next to you is 265 pounds, and he’s from St. Louis too. And the bouncer, that huge guy there, is also from St. Louis. So do you still want to tell that joke?”
“No,” says the guy from Kansas City. “Not if I have to explain it three times.”
What do they call 100 John Deeres circling a McDonald’s in Iowa?
Prom night.
You know you’re from Louisiana when the four seasons in your year are crawfish, shrimp, crab and King Cake, your last name isn’t pronounced the way it’s spelled, and when giving directions you use words like uptown, downtown, backatown, riverside, lakeside, other side of the bayou, or other side of the levee.
On the other hand, your zoo's are terrific. Not only do the signs at the enclosures give you the names of the animals in both English and Latin, but they also give you the best recipes
How do you know you’re in the presence of a real Coloradan?
He carries his $3,000 mountain bike atop his $500 car.
How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Kentucky?
If it’d been invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.
"Thank you for calling Florida's emergency services. If this is regarding an anaconda in a crawl space, press 1. If a sinkhole full of bones has appeared in your living room, press 2. If you want to know why JAG wasn't on this week, press 3."
I feel like there are lots of jokes that could follow “an anaconda in a crawl space”…
If you know several people who have hit a cow more than once, you live in Wyoming.
"The state motto is “Live Free or Die,” which appears on license plates made by prisoners." — Jon Stewart on New Hampshire
On his first trip to Boston, the North Carolinian met a girl at a bar and asked her, “Do you go to Harvard?”
The girl responded, “Yale.”
“OK. DO YOU GO TO HARVARD?!”
“Y’all is singular. All y’all is plural. All y’all’s is plural possessive.” — Kinky Friedman
“In South Carolina, the winner of the $400 million dollar Powerball lottery has chosen to remain anonymous. However, I’m guessing it’s that cashier at Cracker Barrel with the Learjet.” — Conan O’Brien
What did Delaware?
A brand New Jersey.
"New Jersey is banning smiling in driver's license photos. So now, instead of telling the driver to, 'Say cheese,' the DMV photographer will just say, 'You live in New Jersey.'" — Conan O'Brien
You know you live in Wyoming when your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you measure distance in hours, and you can drive 65 miles per hour through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
"This is how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, “Gee, I’m enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn’t cold enough.”" — Richard Jeni
I thought it was a bunch of people from New York saying I'm enjoying the crime and poverty but I'd like to go fly a kite
"I moved to New York City for my health. I’m paranoid, and it was the only place where my fears were justified." — Anita Weiss
"My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law." — Jerry Seinfeld
"Chicago's contribution to the English dictionary: 'Jeet?' As in, 'I am inquiring as to whether you have dined.'" — Peter John-Byrnes
"Jeet?" "No, joo?" "No, squeet." (Did you eat? No, did you? No, let's go eat.)
“A surveillance camera at an Idaho high school appears to have caught evidence of a ghost. Later, officials examined the milky white image and concluded it was just another resident of Idaho.” — Conan O’Brien
"Welcome to Ohio, where the weather forecasts are made up and the fact that it was sunny fifteen minutes ago doesn’t matter."
What are the four seasons in Minnesota?
Almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.
Do you know what you get when you play a country tune backward?
You get your job back, your house back, your wife back, your dog back…
It’s so hot in Arizona, cows are giving evaporated milk and the trees are whistling for dogs.
It was so hot that all the corn in the fields popped and the cattle thought it was a blizzard so they froze to death!
Not sure what you have heard, but it actually only rains twice a year in Seattle.
October through May, then June through September.
This'd be funnier if it was accurate. It rains a couple million times for the span of twenty seconds to a handful of weeks with about an hour of clouds in between, and then summer happens (I hate summer I'd rather it just stay cloudy)
An admiral is standing by a candy machine at the Naval Academy in Annapolis when he stops a plebe walking by. “Sailor, do you have change for a dollar?”
“Sure, buddy,” says the plebe, rooting around his pocket.
“That’s no way to address an officer! Now let’s try it again. Do you have change for a dollar?”
The plebe snaps to attention and barks, “No, sir!”
Why are cowboys’ in Wyoming hats turned up on the sides?
So that three people can fit in the pickup.
A sad Arizonan once prayed, "I wish it would rain — not so much for me, cuz I've seen it, but for my 7-year-old."
"I refer to Mexico as 'Mexico Classic' and New Mexico as 'Mexico 2: Electric Boogaloo.'" — Steve Hoffstetter
A ventriloquist is touring around the state of West Virginia performing his act.
One night, while performing his act, he proceeded to make a bunch of "stupid Southerner" jokes while talking through his dummy.
Halfway through his act, one of the audience members stands up and yells, "Hey! We don't take kindly to your jokes around here! Not all of us are as stupid as you make us look!"
The ventriloquist begins to apologize to the audience when the audience member interrupts him and says, "I was talking to the man on your lap, not you!"
What is the difference between Indiana sports fans and puppies?
Eventually, the puppies will grow up and stop whining so much.
After surveying property along the New Hampshire and Maine border, some engineers decided the boundaries needed to be changed.
So they stopped to tell a farmer that he was no longer in Maine but in New Hampshire. “Good,” said the farmer. “I couldn’t take another one of those Maine winters.”
A teacher asked her students about Arkansas's official state bird.
Johnny raised his hand immediately and said, "Mosquitoes."
Two men debate whether Hawaii is pronounced "HaVaii" or "HaWaii."
They ask a passerby, who answers "Havaii."
"Thank you," says the satisfied first man.
"You're velcome," replies the passerby.
What do a jackknifed semi in Ohio, a guy getting a divorce in Alabama, and a tornado in Kansas have in common?
They’re all fixin’ to lose a trailer.
What do you call 40 guys watching the Super Bowl on television?
The Detroit Lions.
How many Vermonters does it take to change a light bulb?
Three: one to change it and two to talk about how much better the old one was.
How do you know when you’re staying in a Mississippi hotel?
When you call the front desk and say, “I’ve gotta leak in my sink,” and the person at the front desk says, “Go ahead.”
"Las Vegas: All the amenities of modern society in a habitat unfit to grow a tomato." — Jason Love
in Vegas, there is a legendary woman named the tomato lady. She probably won’t come up if you search it but she sold fresh tomatoes to people
If you see a tornado warning on the television but don't get too excited about it until you actually see it coming toward you, you may live in Oklahoma.
"Maryland: if you can dream it, we can tax it."
You know you’re from North Dakota when You only own 3 spices (salt, pepper, and ketchup), you design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, and you know several people who have hit a buffalo.
"Oh, you’re from Washington, D.C.? Tell me which Northern Virginia suburb you’re really from."
Sven. who lives in Wisconsin, notices his neighbor has a sign in his yard — ”Boat for Sale.”
“Ole,” he says, “you don’t own a boat. All you got is your old tractor and your combine.”
“Yup,” said Ole. “And they’re boat for sale.”
"Idaho has raised its speed limit to 80 miles per hour. Now you can get out of there even faster." — Stephen Colbert
Fastest speed limit in USA is a stretch of Texas Toll Road 130 (Pickle Parkway) south of Mustang Ridge, to Interstate 10. it's 85 mph, and (drum roll), you have a chance of colliding with a feral hog. Doesn't get better than that. Pedal to the metal - Hit a pig on Pickle Parkway.
"I recently visited a US state north of Texas and south of Kansas. It wasn’t great, but it was OK."
You know you’re from Nevada when you notice your car overheating before you drive it, you need to walk through a casino to see a movie, and you put on every sweater you own when the temperature drops to below seventy degrees.
It does snow here, too. Just last week it snowed so much I couldn't make it home after work. But yeah, I did book a room in a casino that night.
“In L.A., rich people live with rich people and poor people live with poor people. In New York, that’s from building to building. Like I asked my friend, I said, ‘Man, what’s a good building?’ He said, ‘A good building, you got a door man. A bad building, you just got a man in a door.’” — D. L. Hughley
"Welcome to Rhode Island, where size doesn’t matter."
Why do the Tennessee Volunteers eat cereal straight from the box?
They choke whenever they get near a bowl.
What’s the difference between Massachusetts and Connecticut?
The Kennedys don’t own Connecticut.
Did you hear what happened in Nebraska when the wind stopped blowing?
Everyone fell over!
If your hometown river is flammable and you don't see any meaningful difference between mayonnaise and Miracle Whip, you're probably from Ohio.
You know you’re from New Mexico when you believe that bags of sand with a candle in them are perfectly acceptable Christmas decorations, you can order your Big Mac with green chile, and you believe using a turn signal is a sign of weakness.
“On Saturday, after losing to Wisconsin, Kentucky fans went into the streets and started burning things. Meanwhile, Wisconsin fans went out and started frying things and covering them in cheese.” — Conan O’Brien
“Each year, millions of skiers come to Colorado to experience its superb emergency medical facilities.” – Dave Barry
What differentiates a zoo in Louisiana from other zoos?
The Louisiana zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.
"I used to think Iowa was something people said when they're listing states alphabetically and they couldn't remember what comes after Indiana. Indiana…. I, oh… Oh yeah, Kansas! Kansas." — Trevor Noah
What is every Californian’s favorite part about the winter?
Watching all of the bad weather on TV.
"I went to a dentist is Vegas because I had a cavity… and he wanted to wait until I had three in a row!" — Rita Runder
An Iowa fan, an Iowa State fan, and an UNI fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves their team the most.
The UNI fan insists that he is the most loyal. ”This is for UNI!” he yells, and jumps off the mountain.
Not to be outdone, the Iowa fan is next to profess his love for his team. He yells, “This is for the Hawkeyes!” and pushes the Iowa State fan off the mountain.
As an Iowan, I can tell you, this is really funny(Iowa and Iowa State are fierce sports rivals).
What separates a good team from a great team?
The Kentucky-Ohio border.
What goes hundreds of miles and never moves?
The Massachusetts Turnpike.
Never been here, have you? The Pike is only 138 miles (222 km) long. The only time it doesn't move is when out-of-state drivers go slow in the passing lane (looking at you, New York, New Jersey, and Connecticut).
How can you tell if an Oklahoman is married?
There’s dried chewing tobacco on both sides of his pickup truck.
It's fitting that Indianapolis' NFL team is the COLTS.
"Count On Losing The Superbowl."
High of 32º F in Maine?
Last cookout of the season it is!
Where does America buy its pencils?
Pennsylvania!
Ticonderoga pencils - Have won their way to fame - a fine American pencil - with a fine, American name.
A New Hampshire man walks into a library. That’s the whole joke.
At least NH has libraries. Someone tried to smuggle books into Kentucky once, but the case was dropped as no one on the jury had ever seen a book before
"Welcome to Rhode Island! Enjoy it, because it ends in 40 feet."
Imagine being on parole in Rhode Island and having a state restriction. You could only go a little farther than when you were inside.
How do you know you’re from Ohio?
You own only three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
You know you’re from Connecticut when your family owns more cars than legal drivers, you took horseback riding, golfing, tennis, and swimming lessons as a child, and you have at least four friends who drive Jeep Grand Cherokees.
What do you get when you have a basement full of Michigan State fans?
A whine cellar.
One day, at an elementary school in Ann Arbor, Michigan, a teacher asked her class if the Michigan Wolverines were their favorite football team. The whole class says yes except for Little Jimmy. The teacher asks, “What is your favorite football team, Jimmy?” Little Jimmy says, “The Ohio State Buckeyes.” The teacher asks, “Well, why is that?” Little Jimmy says, “Well, my dad is a Buckeye fan. My mom is a Buckeye fan. I guess that makes me a Buckeye fan.” The teacher, angered by his reply, says, “Well if your dad were a moron and your mom were an idiot, what would that make you?” Little Jimmy replied, “I guess that would make me a Michigan fan.”
"As you know, the bear hunting season in New Jersey is a little bit different. First, they shoot the bear and then they bury it in a construction site." — David Letterman
I know this is supposed to be funny, but it's not. But then again, I don't find David Letterman to be funny.
How many Northern Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Hella.
This is probably the first post about the us that I've enjoyed. No name calling, just chuckles
My state’s reputation is very poor apparently 😅 but it’s nice having a USA post that’s not hate filled.
This is probably the first post about the us that I've enjoyed. No name calling, just chuckles
My state’s reputation is very poor apparently 😅 but it’s nice having a USA post that’s not hate filled.
