“The Bill Was Close To $1,000”: Bride-To-Be Expects SIL To Cover The Entire Bachelorette Dinner, Gets A Reality Check Instead
Weddings have become grand and extravagant events. So much so that couples even act as their own fundraisers.
Recently, Reddit user Goodneighbourta shared a story on the platform about her sister-in-law’s bachelorette party, where she was unexpectedly handed the bill at the end of the dinner.
The sister-in-law had assumed that she and her husband (who are the wealthiest among their families) would cover the expenses without giving it a second thought. However, the bride-to-be got a reality check instead.
This woman thought she was going to celebrate her sister-in-law’s engagement but was put in a very uncomfortable situation
Image credits: Stephanie McCabe (not the actual photo)
When the bride-to-be tried to force her to pay everyone’s bill
Image credits: Ann Danilina (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Lars Plougmann (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/goodneighbourta
The woman managed to dodge the bullet
According to data collected by The Knot, bachelorette parties are becoming longer. In 2019, around 56% of them lasted two or more days but in 2021, the figure reached 75%, and the average length of a bachelorette party was three days.
In 2019, on average, one in two attendees spent more than $300 on a bachelorette party. But when the bash took place in a pricier location (aka a major metropolitan city) that number went up 61%. And one in five celebrants was actually spending closer to $1,000 (or more) to party.
(Out of those who had to fly to their event, nearly 40% spent close to or over $1,000. And, believe it or not, one in ten spent more than $4,000.)
And while many bachelorette party attendees are both expected and willing to spend a fair amount of money on the occasion
Image credits: Ibrahim Boran (not the actual photo)
And it’s not like people are forced to. In fact, one in two participants of bachelorette parties is willing to spend nearly $1,000 (or more!) on an upcoming event they’re attending.
So the cost of this particular evening doesn’t seem ridiculous.
And many of today’s couples do prefer cold, hard cash as a wedding gift.
“The average gift that people give for a wedding is around $100, and that stays consistent whether they’re giving a physical product or a cash gift,” Emily Forrest, director of communications for Zola, a wedding registry website, said.
However, that’s the average. The actual number depends on several factors, including geography, your income, your relationship with the couple, and whether you’re attending the wedding as a couple or a family.
You probably shouldn’t put people on the spot like this
Image credits: Igal Ness (not the actual photo)
Jodi R.R. Smith, president of etiquette consulting company Mannersmith, suggests using the following rule of thumb: take the amount that you would spend on a nice dinner out for yourself and multiply it by four.
“So [if] I only spend $20 on dinner for myself, that would put me in the $80-$100 range,” she explained. “But if I … drop $250 for a nice meal and a bottle of wine, then I would be looking at about a grand.”
But what about those cases when the newlyweds wait until the very last moment and try to bully someone into giving them the money? I think it should be lower. Maybe closer to zero.
After reading her story, people unanimously supported the woman
The bride's parents are going to be stuck with her until they die, because you just know that marriage won't last either.
Well, you're right about the life expectancy of the marriage. The bride and her daughter are living with MIL and FIL... Not with the fiancé. They got engage before experiencing life together. That alone sound bad. Now add the "golden child"/"entitled brat" syndrom, this union is doomed.
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NTA. I would go ahead and cut your husband's family out of your lives. They neglected him in favor of your SIL and now they want to disrespect you and your husband now. The both of you will always be an afterthought in favor of your SIL. Head off any future pain by cutting your husband's family out of your life now. They are horrible people.
So in my family my brother is the golden child and I’m the ignored forgotten one. And we are both grown, married, and each have a child of our own. The favoritism extends to our children with my niece being the golden child and my son being forgotten. But my mom is not an awful person. She does love me and my son very much. It’s only bad when we are together with my brother and his family, because then you can see it so much more clearly but currently I live near my mom and my brother lives out of state so most of my time with my mom I’m only competing with phone calls with them (which do actually take priority over us). Now I’m very used to this. I’m in an acceptance phase I guess. Well, my husband grew up very differently and is floored and appalled at this dynamic. So he gets really angry about it. Still I could not imagine cutting my mom out. Just because our relationship is flawed doesn’t mean it’s not worthwhile. I’ll take what I can get. I only have one family. Idk.
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Love is blinding more than blind; also do mind the husband may not be that perfect himself or hope he could handle her
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I had something similar, I was a student and was invited to a close relatives wedding as a bridesmaid. Little did I know that the bride expected me to pay for her hair and make-up, which for a student and not even warned was our of the question as I didn't have any money. This was many years ago. Please don't spring things on people as a NO funnily enough tends to not go down well with the asker.
I was a bridesmaid in a wedding 7 years ago. The bride and the maid of honor booked a lavish bridal shower in a fancy venue with over 60 guests. It was a bigger deal than many wedding receptions I've been to. Two weeks before the event, each of the 4 bridesmaids were asked to pay close to $400 toward it. None of us were allowed to help plan it or discuss expenses. We were just handed a bill and give two weeks to pay up.. It caused so much tension along with the bride being an entitled bridezilla that she lost a lot of friends over it. So yeah, don't do this. Your bridesmaids are your friends, they are not ATMs.
I had a kind of opposite situation happen to me! For my bachelorette party (which was AMAZING, a whole day of fun activities which started with kitten yoga, and then included a paint and wine session and salsa dancing at a local latin dance club). For dinner, my sister (my MOH) had previously arranged with all the guests that they would each pay for their own meal, plus everyone would chip in a little bit to cover mine. But toward the end of the meal, I saw my future sister-in-law discretely signal the server and hand him something. Then after we were all done eating, my sister asked for the check and the server said it had already been taken care of, and I realized my sister-in-law had given him her credit card and told him to charge the whole thing to her! My sister and I were pretty flabbergasted and tried to insist we reimburse her some, but she wasn't having it. I don't think it was anywhere near $1,000, but still! I was both shocked and touched.
OMG that extended family had something to say about this is just beyond me. The SIL is a brat and lacking manners and so are the others who spoke up about it suggesting OP foot any portion for this meal. If I were OP I would go NC to this whole family. The gall of some people.
I would have said I give you the same amount as you gave me and your brother for our wedding.
( Goldfinger melody)........ She's the girl who's out of touch,........ wants way to much!...... Bridezilla!
Bridezilla! To her parents, she's nothing but solid gold.........but just as cold!
Load More Replies... NTA, she was expecting another handout because OP is wealthy, but didn't ask first. That was in very bad taste, just because it's family, not asking, but expecting, is very rude... 😔
Sick of these human dildo's who are so far up their own a*s, especially when it comes to weddings. Gimme Gimme Gimme, that's all they are, leeches.
WOW. I totally applaud the OP. My brother invited the family (8 of us) out to dinner to celebrate my birthday (he's a total sweetheart and very generous). So we're eating dessert when the waitress brings out a "to go" bag. So my brother tells the waitress she has the wrong table. Without asking my brother, my half sister (who in all honesty I don't particularly care for, mainly because of the way she takes advantage of my stepmother) had gone ahead and ordered an entire meal for her husband , who had to work. I could tell by the look on my brother's face that this was news to him and I have no filter, so I just looked at her and, somewhat under my breath, said "total a$$hole move, Amber". She wasn't in the least bit fazed.
People like that tend to be phased once they are rejected or don’t get what they want(of if she ended up having to pay for it). I bet she’d be angry if she was never invited to any other dinner. I can’t stand people who take advantage of others like that. They tend to ruin things for others.
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NTA. No one is entitled to money that you made through your own hard work.
Nope!!! Pay it now and you'll be paying it forever. OP ought to just tell SIL and family to grow a d*mn collective spine and help her pay if they're gonna open their traps!!! Smh!!!
I'm sorry, I seriously question some of these stories...Seriously, who does this?
Might be good time to cut ties. Like seriously she shouldn't be expected to pay unless that was agreed on ahead of time. Not just making big bill and then saying how OP should pay. Also afterwards being rude about it. Doesn't matter how rich or poor any part of family is, that is abuse and shouldn't be tolerated. I can understand needing help, but if they need help, they should ask for it ahead of that, not just like, here is bill you pay. And usually people like that never learn, that SIL will likely forever need someone to care for her and looks won't carry her forever. Plus parents seem to do nothing to get SIL to do better other than supporting her as she is. Hence why it won't change.
Oh hell to the NO, YNTA she is! Who the hell has a Bachelorette party when they're on round #2? What exactly is she celebrating? Will there be another Bachelorette party when she's on #3 or 4? Guarantee this won't last long given her entitled narcissistic behavior. Perhaps she'll expect a Divorce party and for you to pay for it. At this point I would seriously consider not going to the wedding and just go NC with all of them, that way you won't be presented with the bill for the reception either. 🤑😱
She showed u who she is. She's the one that's selfish & thinks everything is all about her. She's not the first person to get married so why does she feel like everything should be given to her. Who ever is taking her side in this situation needs to check themselves because there's something wrong with them to if they support entitled selfish brats. Don't feel bad! You did nothing wrong! You got set up but u were smart enough not to be her fool. Don't feel bad for being wealthy and wise & smart enough to see thru bull c**p! Lol, You don't owe her an apology. You are owed an apology, if u don't get an apology, it's ok. We have no queens in America so be careful around people who think you're their ATM. When you get married don't expect everyone else to pay for your day & don't try to force people pay for things for you. Maybe you need to ask yourself if you want to go to the wedding and if you want someone like this in your life, you're space? Even some Relatives.
NTA. Her and your in laws are the AH. Self entitled spoiled brat by her parents. Glad your husband is on your side. If it was me I would cut ties with my family until they accept that my wife and I are not there to be their atms and treated me and you better .
She's not even a "bachelorette." She's a divorcee with a young child who conned a second man into marrying her.
They paid half, which was still generous. They should ask where their Thank You note is.
Being a European myself, I’m not sufficiently familiar with American ways, but wouldn’t the maid of honor plan (and arrange payment) for the bachelorette party? Why would the bride to be have to deal with this at all?
The standard here is that everyone pays their own share of the bill AND chips in to cover the groom’s share. (I don’t get invited to bachelorette parties, but assume they work the same way) It would never occur to me to have the groom pay for anything, or even be allowed to see the bill.
Load More Replies... Yeah, no apologies needed there girlfriend - you set your boundaries clearly - thank goodness. She needed to hear hard truths and anyone else who says different are enablers.
Sounds like your husband was bullied by not only school acquaintances. But also by his family. Now the family is also trying to bully you. I'd still go to the wedding, no need to widen the chasm in the family. If it gets to uncomfortable, then you and your husband can respectfully leave. Ya are NTAS!
I salute you for putting your boundaries down firmly. You work hard for what you've achieved and don't owe your spoilt SIL a damn thing. Cause if you don't do it now, future financial expectations for crises in the family will always land on your doorstep, being the "rich" one in the family and all. If the rest of his family is against you because of that be glad cause they now have the message that you are not going to be the solution to their financial problems. These pre wedding " Broadway shows" are getting out of hand. What happened to choosing two bridesmaids, getting them to pay only for their outfit and turning up on wedding day to support you. You did not bankrupt them with your ego activities but merely made them part of your memories for your wedding album.
I'm sick of that "apologize just to keep the peace" BS. NO. Enough enabling and babying the losers, abusers, and bullies of the world. It's WAY past time to call those jerks out and stop letting them get away with everything just because some people fear conflict or confrontation so much everyone else is supposed to kowtow.
NTA I can’t even get my head around this. I do not know anyone who would support this behavior, much less behave in this manner themselves. Not at any age or any occasion. That is some next level entitlement! It’s unfortunate that your husband has had to deal with this his entire life. Because it’s his family, I would support him in whatever decision he ultimately comes to regarding future contact but I personally would avoid these people.
I cannot understand what would make a parent compare a child unfavourably to a sibling. Children are not alike and they should not be. Anyway they cannot really have meant, that you husband should actually be like his sister (and marry another man?)
Ha, that SIL is so entitled. But, in my experience, though to a lesser extent, my in-laws were given $3,000 loan, on which they did not repay for 5 years. They were "willing" to "give" us their upright piano. Gave them $750 for an estimated shipping. Never got the piano. Few years later, BIL, asked for several thousand to get out of their debt. Ha, no ... we did not help. (Every visit -- we lived in another state -- we purchased hundreds in groceries to stick their pantries. Never received a thank you.
Boy her soon to be husband better think twice she thinks she is entitled to everything and he may have to work 2 jobs to please her.Ask her what she gave to you and your husband her brother at your wedding and if a 100.00 say here is your 100.00 we are even You and your husband may have worked hard to be in a more wealthy life style kuddos for you spend it on ya or put in the bank for old age screw her
These people are crazy. I think she acts that way because her family enables her. It's not normal for an alleged grown adult to demand that someone else pays $1000 for dinner for her and her friends. Even if it was $20, that's still one he$$ of an assumption. Might be best to start cutting ties with the crazy. Also why are other people expected to finance someone's wedding? You have to be an adult to get married, unless you live somewhere backwards. Pay for your own s$it.
Why do all of these stories sound the same? Are there really so many people like this?
Yes, unfortunately. The worst leeches exist in the most unlikeliest places.
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I think it’s ridiculous to invite nearly 500 people out for $1.99 chili burgers and atomic fries!’
I’m hoping English isn’t OP’s first language.
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Are you the bride mentioned in this post? Because I honestly can't imagine how anyone could ask that question. It's about boundaries, not money. She doesn't owe her spoiled sister-in-law anything and if she gave in on this I guarantee it wouldn't stop there. OP isn't an ATM.
Load More Replies... The bride's parents are going to be stuck with her until they die, because you just know that marriage won't last either.
Well, you're right about the life expectancy of the marriage. The bride and her daughter are living with MIL and FIL... Not with the fiancé. They got engage before experiencing life together. That alone sound bad. Now add the "golden child"/"entitled brat" syndrom, this union is doomed.
Load More Replies... NTA. I would go ahead and cut your husband's family out of your lives. They neglected him in favor of your SIL and now they want to disrespect you and your husband now. The both of you will always be an afterthought in favor of your SIL. Head off any future pain by cutting your husband's family out of your life now. They are horrible people.
So in my family my brother is the golden child and I’m the ignored forgotten one. And we are both grown, married, and each have a child of our own. The favoritism extends to our children with my niece being the golden child and my son being forgotten. But my mom is not an awful person. She does love me and my son very much. It’s only bad when we are together with my brother and his family, because then you can see it so much more clearly but currently I live near my mom and my brother lives out of state so most of my time with my mom I’m only competing with phone calls with them (which do actually take priority over us). Now I’m very used to this. I’m in an acceptance phase I guess. Well, my husband grew up very differently and is floored and appalled at this dynamic. So he gets really angry about it. Still I could not imagine cutting my mom out. Just because our relationship is flawed doesn’t mean it’s not worthwhile. I’ll take what I can get. I only have one family. Idk.
Load More Replies... Love is blinding more than blind; also do mind the husband may not be that perfect himself or hope he could handle her
Load More Replies... I had something similar, I was a student and was invited to a close relatives wedding as a bridesmaid. Little did I know that the bride expected me to pay for her hair and make-up, which for a student and not even warned was our of the question as I didn't have any money. This was many years ago. Please don't spring things on people as a NO funnily enough tends to not go down well with the asker.
I was a bridesmaid in a wedding 7 years ago. The bride and the maid of honor booked a lavish bridal shower in a fancy venue with over 60 guests. It was a bigger deal than many wedding receptions I've been to. Two weeks before the event, each of the 4 bridesmaids were asked to pay close to $400 toward it. None of us were allowed to help plan it or discuss expenses. We were just handed a bill and give two weeks to pay up.. It caused so much tension along with the bride being an entitled bridezilla that she lost a lot of friends over it. So yeah, don't do this. Your bridesmaids are your friends, they are not ATMs.
I had a kind of opposite situation happen to me! For my bachelorette party (which was AMAZING, a whole day of fun activities which started with kitten yoga, and then included a paint and wine session and salsa dancing at a local latin dance club). For dinner, my sister (my MOH) had previously arranged with all the guests that they would each pay for their own meal, plus everyone would chip in a little bit to cover mine. But toward the end of the meal, I saw my future sister-in-law discretely signal the server and hand him something. Then after we were all done eating, my sister asked for the check and the server said it had already been taken care of, and I realized my sister-in-law had given him her credit card and told him to charge the whole thing to her! My sister and I were pretty flabbergasted and tried to insist we reimburse her some, but she wasn't having it. I don't think it was anywhere near $1,000, but still! I was both shocked and touched.
OMG that extended family had something to say about this is just beyond me. The SIL is a brat and lacking manners and so are the others who spoke up about it suggesting OP foot any portion for this meal. If I were OP I would go NC to this whole family. The gall of some people.
I would have said I give you the same amount as you gave me and your brother for our wedding.
( Goldfinger melody)........ She's the girl who's out of touch,........ wants way to much!...... Bridezilla!
Bridezilla! To her parents, she's nothing but solid gold.........but just as cold!
Load More Replies... NTA, she was expecting another handout because OP is wealthy, but didn't ask first. That was in very bad taste, just because it's family, not asking, but expecting, is very rude... 😔
Sick of these human dildo's who are so far up their own a*s, especially when it comes to weddings. Gimme Gimme Gimme, that's all they are, leeches.
WOW. I totally applaud the OP. My brother invited the family (8 of us) out to dinner to celebrate my birthday (he's a total sweetheart and very generous). So we're eating dessert when the waitress brings out a "to go" bag. So my brother tells the waitress she has the wrong table. Without asking my brother, my half sister (who in all honesty I don't particularly care for, mainly because of the way she takes advantage of my stepmother) had gone ahead and ordered an entire meal for her husband , who had to work. I could tell by the look on my brother's face that this was news to him and I have no filter, so I just looked at her and, somewhat under my breath, said "total a$$hole move, Amber". She wasn't in the least bit fazed.
People like that tend to be phased once they are rejected or don’t get what they want(of if she ended up having to pay for it). I bet she’d be angry if she was never invited to any other dinner. I can’t stand people who take advantage of others like that. They tend to ruin things for others.
Load More Replies... NTA. No one is entitled to money that you made through your own hard work.
Nope!!! Pay it now and you'll be paying it forever. OP ought to just tell SIL and family to grow a d*mn collective spine and help her pay if they're gonna open their traps!!! Smh!!!
I'm sorry, I seriously question some of these stories...Seriously, who does this?
Might be good time to cut ties. Like seriously she shouldn't be expected to pay unless that was agreed on ahead of time. Not just making big bill and then saying how OP should pay. Also afterwards being rude about it. Doesn't matter how rich or poor any part of family is, that is abuse and shouldn't be tolerated. I can understand needing help, but if they need help, they should ask for it ahead of that, not just like, here is bill you pay. And usually people like that never learn, that SIL will likely forever need someone to care for her and looks won't carry her forever. Plus parents seem to do nothing to get SIL to do better other than supporting her as she is. Hence why it won't change.
Oh hell to the NO, YNTA she is! Who the hell has a Bachelorette party when they're on round #2? What exactly is she celebrating? Will there be another Bachelorette party when she's on #3 or 4? Guarantee this won't last long given her entitled narcissistic behavior. Perhaps she'll expect a Divorce party and for you to pay for it. At this point I would seriously consider not going to the wedding and just go NC with all of them, that way you won't be presented with the bill for the reception either. 🤑😱
She showed u who she is. She's the one that's selfish & thinks everything is all about her. She's not the first person to get married so why does she feel like everything should be given to her. Who ever is taking her side in this situation needs to check themselves because there's something wrong with them to if they support entitled selfish brats. Don't feel bad! You did nothing wrong! You got set up but u were smart enough not to be her fool. Don't feel bad for being wealthy and wise & smart enough to see thru bull c**p! Lol, You don't owe her an apology. You are owed an apology, if u don't get an apology, it's ok. We have no queens in America so be careful around people who think you're their ATM. When you get married don't expect everyone else to pay for your day & don't try to force people pay for things for you. Maybe you need to ask yourself if you want to go to the wedding and if you want someone like this in your life, you're space? Even some Relatives.
NTA. Her and your in laws are the AH. Self entitled spoiled brat by her parents. Glad your husband is on your side. If it was me I would cut ties with my family until they accept that my wife and I are not there to be their atms and treated me and you better .
She's not even a "bachelorette." She's a divorcee with a young child who conned a second man into marrying her.
They paid half, which was still generous. They should ask where their Thank You note is.
Being a European myself, I’m not sufficiently familiar with American ways, but wouldn’t the maid of honor plan (and arrange payment) for the bachelorette party? Why would the bride to be have to deal with this at all?
The standard here is that everyone pays their own share of the bill AND chips in to cover the groom’s share. (I don’t get invited to bachelorette parties, but assume they work the same way) It would never occur to me to have the groom pay for anything, or even be allowed to see the bill.
Load More Replies... Yeah, no apologies needed there girlfriend - you set your boundaries clearly - thank goodness. She needed to hear hard truths and anyone else who says different are enablers.
Sounds like your husband was bullied by not only school acquaintances. But also by his family. Now the family is also trying to bully you. I'd still go to the wedding, no need to widen the chasm in the family. If it gets to uncomfortable, then you and your husband can respectfully leave. Ya are NTAS!
I salute you for putting your boundaries down firmly. You work hard for what you've achieved and don't owe your spoilt SIL a damn thing. Cause if you don't do it now, future financial expectations for crises in the family will always land on your doorstep, being the "rich" one in the family and all. If the rest of his family is against you because of that be glad cause they now have the message that you are not going to be the solution to their financial problems. These pre wedding " Broadway shows" are getting out of hand. What happened to choosing two bridesmaids, getting them to pay only for their outfit and turning up on wedding day to support you. You did not bankrupt them with your ego activities but merely made them part of your memories for your wedding album.
I'm sick of that "apologize just to keep the peace" BS. NO. Enough enabling and babying the losers, abusers, and bullies of the world. It's WAY past time to call those jerks out and stop letting them get away with everything just because some people fear conflict or confrontation so much everyone else is supposed to kowtow.
NTA I can’t even get my head around this. I do not know anyone who would support this behavior, much less behave in this manner themselves. Not at any age or any occasion. That is some next level entitlement! It’s unfortunate that your husband has had to deal with this his entire life. Because it’s his family, I would support him in whatever decision he ultimately comes to regarding future contact but I personally would avoid these people.
I cannot understand what would make a parent compare a child unfavourably to a sibling. Children are not alike and they should not be. Anyway they cannot really have meant, that you husband should actually be like his sister (and marry another man?)
Ha, that SIL is so entitled. But, in my experience, though to a lesser extent, my in-laws were given $3,000 loan, on which they did not repay for 5 years. They were "willing" to "give" us their upright piano. Gave them $750 for an estimated shipping. Never got the piano. Few years later, BIL, asked for several thousand to get out of their debt. Ha, no ... we did not help. (Every visit -- we lived in another state -- we purchased hundreds in groceries to stick their pantries. Never received a thank you.
Boy her soon to be husband better think twice she thinks she is entitled to everything and he may have to work 2 jobs to please her.Ask her what she gave to you and your husband her brother at your wedding and if a 100.00 say here is your 100.00 we are even You and your husband may have worked hard to be in a more wealthy life style kuddos for you spend it on ya or put in the bank for old age screw her
These people are crazy. I think she acts that way because her family enables her. It's not normal for an alleged grown adult to demand that someone else pays $1000 for dinner for her and her friends. Even if it was $20, that's still one he$$ of an assumption. Might be best to start cutting ties with the crazy. Also why are other people expected to finance someone's wedding? You have to be an adult to get married, unless you live somewhere backwards. Pay for your own s$it.
Why do all of these stories sound the same? Are there really so many people like this?
Yes, unfortunately. The worst leeches exist in the most unlikeliest places.
Load More Replies... I think it’s ridiculous to invite nearly 500 people out for $1.99 chili burgers and atomic fries!’
I’m hoping English isn’t OP’s first language.
Load More Replies... Are you the bride mentioned in this post? Because I honestly can't imagine how anyone could ask that question. It's about boundaries, not money. She doesn't owe her spoiled sister-in-law anything and if she gave in on this I guarantee it wouldn't stop there. OP isn't an ATM.
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