Self Portrait Dedicated For Memory Of My Grandfather

21 years ago I came into this world. Holding my parents hands I made my first steps. When I grew up a little older I began to love my grandmothers‘ flowers in the yard, every time I picked all the blossoms, sometimes I pulled entire flowers with the roots, and gave them to my mother or grandmother. At a time I didn’t understand that picked flowers die more quickly … But each blossom appeared in smile of the loved one. Later I began preparing grandmothers’ table – all the plates, cups and glasses fell down „for the last flight“. Dear grandmother, forgive me for your moms‘ plates and cups set, then I didn’t understand how much it meant to you.

Over the years, I sat with grandfather under a large elm tree in the yard, he kept telling me about his day , bees which he loved so much. I sat there and listened.. I was listening grandparents’ stories, teachings, laughter, songs that grandmother was singing while she was painting. I used to wear dresses and suits that my mother and grandmother created, and the grandmothers‘ knitted woolly sweaters, then I didn’t love them.. but despite that, my dad and grandfather kept telling me that I look beautiful.

Now I can understand much more than I thought I ever could. As a child I had everything – family, attention, I had a real childhood with a wool sweaters and beautiful grandmothers‘ sewed dresses and all the most beautiful flowers, I had wonderful holidays at my grandfathers‘ apiary, I could wander in my grandmothers „lilies jungle“ and run after my guinea pig in neighbors‘ yard.. I had everything I needed to. I was the happiest kid. I had not that kind of childhood as we see in movies – mine was real.

The time passed so quickly …

Less than a year ago my grandfathers bees collected honey from this Dandelions field and grandfather was collecting combs while crooning something silently, grandmother was picking some flowers and telling me how to separate herbs. Today the same field is withered, Dandelions are letting down their last fluffs, I can‘t hear crooning anymore, a pear in riverside blooms more sadly, blooming trees doesn’t smell as tasty as they suppose to, stories left to hang in the branches of the trees and grandfather is no longer with us..

Dear grandfather, memory of you blossom as the largest and timeless wild flower. Smell of fields thrills my whole body and takes me to that wonderful summers. Although I miss you so much, I am grateful to life for every moment spent with you, even for those times when I had run a marathon around the house because of the bees in my curls.

You will always blossom in my heart.

Timeless blossom