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For many, the long-awaited birth of a baby is associated with as much calm and peace as the baby and specific circumstances allow, so everyone, the baby and parents, can get some well-deserved rest and enjoy simply being together.
And yet, these plans may be threatened by the grandparents’ determination to host a party against the new parents’ wishes. By doing so, the grandparents risk being pushed aside, as this Redditor was when she wasn’t given a heads-up on the birthdate.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
New parents wished for some privacy after their baby’s birth, yet the man’s mom had different plans
Image credits: Jonathan Nenemann (not the actual photo)
The grandmother suggested hosting a welcoming party right after the mother was discharged from the hospital
Image credit: u/Throwa676899
Image credits: Natalie Bond (not the actual photo)
Image credit: u/Throwa676899
The baby’s mother objected to the party and asked to spend the first few weeks just with her baby
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Contrary to this, the man’s mother still continued organizing the event and invited other family members
A new grandmother brought her story to the Reddit AITA community online and asked people if she was a jerk in the situation surrounding her grandson’s birth.
The woman’s suggestion to host a welcoming party for her son’s newborn right after being discharged from the hospital was rejected by the baby’s parents; however, the grandmother invited other family members anyway.
Yet despite the grandmother’s effort to organize a welcoming party for her grandson, not only did the event not take place, but the new grandmother was only given a heads-up by her nephew two weeks after her grandson was born.
Needless to say, the new grandmother was disappointed about her son misleading her about the birthdate of his son and not sharing the happy news right when the baby was born.
Consequently, the grandmother wasn’t given the correct birthdate and only found out about her grandson’s birth two weeks after
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
The woman was livid her son hid the actual birthdate of his son and also ruined her welcoming party plans
When it comes to various situations in which parents have a different take on how to welcome a newborn than the baby’s grandparents or simply do not wish to have visitors straight after the baby’s birth, Verywell Family explained that this isn’t usually something that parents are doing to the grandparents, rather they are doing it for the newborn and themselves.
They advised grandparents to avoid overreacting in such situations and thus keep the possibility open for future interactions, in addition to listing various reasons that might be adding to parents not accepting visits yet.
These included taking time to allow the new family to bond without any complicating factors, the mother’s need to recover and rest after giving birth, and parents being concerned about visitors bringing germs.
Verywell Family also noted that many now-grandmothers grew up in times when it was common for one’s mother or mother-in-law to come and stay with a new mother. This nowadays is rarer, due to factors such as the tendency of partners to help with parenting as well, and mothers trying to make the most of the time they have with their baby before returning to work.
For the reasons mentioned above, it is advised for grandparents to stay patient and respectful of boundaries when it comes to their grandchildren and their parents, possibly making a standing offer to come to help out.
Coming back to the original story, the post gathered 16.3k upvotes on Reddit, and people judged the grandmother to be a jerk in this situation for organizing a party despite the parents asking otherwise and lacking a general understanding that her daughter-in-law as well as her baby might need rest at this point.
Redditors shared their takes on the situation
What do you think ?
Ron Baza 2 years ago
In case anyone is wondering… 1/Yes, this was several years ago. 2/No, the OP did not concede that she might have been in the wrong in any of her comment, all of which were overwhelmingly downvoted. You live and learn - or, in this case, you live and double down on your entirely wrong-headed selfishness.
Sandra Moon 2 years ago
I once went to a wetting the baby's head party, thinking the mum and baby were in the hospital still, or so I thought. Turns out a very young mum is sitting in her bedroom, terrified as most first-time mums are while her mother and her friends party downstairs and these people could party. I wasn't drinking so I spent the evening fielding drunk people from upsetting this kid and manhandling a new born. I never spoke to her mother again
LH25 2 years ago
Wow. This grandma better be careful if she wants to ever see her grandson. What new mom is going to want to not only have a "Welcoming party" but stay with her in-laws for it?! And on top of that the attitude would make me not want to ever see the in-laws again. Good for hubby.
GirlFriday 2 years ago
My mother has 34 grandchildren and has never thought that a "welcoming party" was a good idea. In our family, I have 12 siblings, when a new baby is expected, we throw a shower for the first one, a sprinkle for the rest, we reach out to the expecting parents and make sure they have everything they need. In the case of my newest nephew, we kept the oldest two kids when the time came, my mom took them to visit their mom and meet the baby in the hospital, and my other SILs and I cleaned the house, and left easy family meals for them. We made sure the older kids got plenty of attention and time away from the house (park, hiking, etc.) so they were worn out and Mom could rest. That is how you welcome a baby, you don't bombard the family with obligations - YOU HELP WITH WHAT THEY NEED AND STAY AWAY UNTIL YOU ARE INVITED.
Jude Laskowski 2 years ago
What is "a sprinkle"? I've never heard of that. Thanks for being a great SIL.
Load More Replies...
Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo 2 years ago
Not only was this a bonkers request to make of parents, newborn immune systems are not ready for crowds. The OP is cracked.
Sapna Sarfare 2 years ago
I want to know how this woman felt after getting to hear she is the AH... why cant we hear about post rant afterthought?
SkyBlueandBlack 2 years ago
I genuinely hope she never sees the baby. This b***h is psychotic.
Vinnie 2 years ago
Some parents set the example of what not to do. I learned a few things from my parents and continue to do so. Most recent lesson: thou shalt not use old age as an excuse to be an a*****e. If that grandmother continues to be self-centred, she'll leave some very relieved descendants.
Load More Replies...
WindySwede 2 years ago (edited)
GM: "I was disappointed". Those three words summons the whole ordeal from GM... Please don't [be] that person! edit: missed a word.
Nice Beast Ludo 2 years ago
"I told him this was just not acceptable. Lying just because they didn't want a welcoming party and love and support being given from family. He ruined our welcoming for our grandbaby and also, I invited family members and they were rightfully disappointed also." Are you kidding me?? I don't need to say anything.
Sara Wilson 2 years ago
Instead of focusing on the WHY he may have chosen to lie, she's even said it and totally missed it
Load More Replies...
Nightshade1972 2 years ago
Years ago, I had a friend who'd tried for years to have a child--she had a lot of serious health issues, and I haven't heard from her in so long I think she might no longer be on this side of the grass. Anyway, she and her husband tried for years before she was finally able to carry her son to term. Her mother wanted to baptize the baby in her (Grandma's) church--against the explicit wishes of both parents. Grandma kept pushing for the baptism, then seemed to stop. As their son's first birthday was approaching, she indicated that she wanted to have a "party" for him--at an address they didn't recognize. As they're approaching the address, they realize it's Grandma's church--she'd tried to arrange a baptism behind their back! They turned around and left without ever getting out of the car, and Grandma "never understood" what she did wrong.
JayWantsACat 2 years ago
"I just wanted to welcome the newborn and give them love..." Oh, so people should bend over backwards to accommodate you then. lmao
Somebodys grandmother 2 years ago (edited)
I have worked 30 years in this field. Newborns and their new parents HATE THE GUEST... FOR WEEKS... they can come to the door, wave and leave within 30 seconds... The baby, the breastfeeding, the exhausting is the main issue...
DuckDuckGoose 2 years ago
Ngl. I did this. I managed 4 days before the visitors infiltrated. If any of my friends give birth I always give them 2 weeks or more and wait for an invite. The only visitors I allowed was those present at the birth. My hubby and my sister. My mum waited at my request the monster in law not so much. My baby!!! Tough. My body has just been through a major trauma. My F***y is hurting I smell. I'm tired. BACK OFF
Niki A 2 years ago
Sheesh. How dare this woman try to be passive-aggressive about everything! Waaahhhh they don't want love and support!!! For some reason she doesn't want a party!!! You said you wanted to arrange it for right after she delivers?! Lady, I had a c-section three times, and if you did that to me, you would be lucky I didn't strangle you. Who the f**k thinks they get a say in when and how a baby who is not theirs is introduced?!
Ge Po 2 years ago
First day to week home with a newborn, especially the first one: Only close relatives and very close friends, in small groups, maximum an hour or so at the time. Preferably while these guest bring home made meals that are easily re-heated, diapers, coffee, chocolate, other useful baby-stuff, help clean kitchen, toilets and bathroom, take out the trash, walk the dog etcetera. You help out, you get to meet the baby.
Phil Vaive 2 years ago
I can absolutely guarantee that this isn't the first time something like this has happened in this family. At least the son has his wife's back, and didn't do whatever he could to impress his mom at his wife's expense (as we see so often in these stories)
Juanita Sullivan 1 year ago
I can't believe the OP had the nerve to post this! This is so ignorant and selfish. I honestly don't understand how some people feel they have the right to make decisions for others and their children.
Beachbum 2 years ago
My daughter just gave birth to her first baby in September, and I can never imagine throwing a welcoming party? When she went into labor, of course I went to their house and stayed, but that was to watch their 2 dogs and 4 cats! I told her, that I would not be at the house the day she gets discharged so her and her finance can have alone and bonding time with each other and the baby. This lady is crazy. Hey you just gave birth come stay at my house and lets have a party! I have respected every one of my daughter's boundaries, becuase I know it is important to both of them!
Amber.exe(She/They/Ze) 2 years ago
Oh God, having a baby is exhausting enough, she said no and you asked her husband. Good on him for lying to you and respecting his wife. I hope OP never sees her grandchild
Julia Cargile 2 years ago
Who in the world has a party for someone right after they give birth, grandma you're delusional.
Elizabeth Deighton 9 months ago
When I had my daughter, my step mil just popped into the hospital to have a quick peek. Pops refused to come as he said old people are full of germs and shouldn't be around babies until they are a bit older. They went on holiday 2 days later so it was almost a fortnight before we saw them. My parents lived 20 miles away with no car so they didn't see her until 5 days later. I certenly wouldn't have wanted a welcome home party. Guess I have been very lucky with the grandparents, more then that poor mum has been
Esther Archuleta 12 months ago
First baby and family were just wonderful. My mom, mom in law and two sisters in law would come to help. They would look at the baby, but aside of touching his hand or stroking his head, they would not hold him. After two weeks, the still came, but now they would hold him and talk to him. At three weeks I was asked if his many cousins could visit. Of course, I said yes. Each of my sisters in law brought their kids on different days. By this time, baby and I were allowed to leave the house(my mom's rule)so my husband and I took the baby to meet his proud grandfather. Oddly enough, my own sisters stayed away. They said I needed to take the baby to them. We had a party when the baby was christened.
Melissa anderson 1 year ago
I never heard of a welcoming party for a new born. And doing it inthe middle of the pandemic is just stupid. The only reason she wants one is because her sister did it. The parents were right to lie to her. She would have tricked them to get her way.
lisa grundy 1 year ago
who would want a party if you're trying to breastfeed, leaking, bleeding, knackered etc as new mums are this was definitely no way in hell am i having or attending a party i ve just given birth fgs
Susy Hammond 1 year ago
When I gave birth to my daughter 46 years ago, I was appreciative of the people who visited me in the hospital and shortly after when I got home. But to tell the truth, I was SO exhausted from the birth, lack of sleep--seeing anybody besides my husband and the baby would have been too much. Everyone should give the new family some peace. Have a party later if you must--you'll have a more alert baby to coo over then. Babies are basically pot roasts as newborns who have prehistoric sounding cries.
Craig Reynolds 1 year ago
I agree with all the YTA comments and they have already covered every reason I can think of so, I can only add my YTA to those entitled grandparents.
Janet Graham 2 years ago
I had a MIL like that. Most of her kids kept her out of the loop on things just because of reasons like this. Bossy, Queen of the World types are impossible to get along with. You either do it their way or cut them out of your life!
sharyn turnicky 2 years ago
I think "grandma" is just getting started with trying to control her son, daughter-in-law and their child. She is not someone that will recognize another's stated boundaries. Personally I think, if feasible, the son and his young family should put as much distance between them and "grandma" as possible
Sara Wilson 2 years ago
I'm guessing they r going to b going NC with these parents pretty fast if OP doesn't change her ways
Appalachian Panda 2 years ago
I have a *TON* of nieces and nephews and I've never heard of a "welcoming party." Is that really a thing?
Biana Weatherford 2 years ago
I love it when the universe comes together to educate a person. I wouldn't be surprised if this didn't sink into the OP, but the responses can be useful to others.... like someone trying to get the nerve to stand up to family.
Kerri Russ 2 years ago
I cannot believe the gumption this grandma has! Quite ballsy to not only ignore the family's wishes, but double down on it by blaming in the DIL! Their child, their choices, plain and simple.
The Starsong Princess 2 years ago
I think this was written by the dial or son from the viewpoint of the mil. No one is this oblivious.
Amber.exe(She/They/Ze) 2 years ago
You'd be suprised some people who ask are they the a-hole are oblivious
Load More Replies...
Queenie G 2 years ago
You were wrong and the blame for not knowing about the birth of your grandchild is on you. You could have bonded with your daughter in law in such a great way if you had just respected her wishes and asked her to let you know when she was comfortable having a welcoming party for the baby.
Laura Parker 1 year ago
Yes. She and her husband are the a******s. This is their baby, not yours, and if you ever want to be allowed to see him, you had better back off and let them raise their child!
Ron Baza 2 years ago
In case anyone is wondering… 1/Yes, this was several years ago. 2/No, the OP did not concede that she might have been in the wrong in any of her comment, all of which were overwhelmingly downvoted. You live and learn - or, in this case, you live and double down on your entirely wrong-headed selfishness.
Sandra Moon 2 years ago
I once went to a wetting the baby's head party, thinking the mum and baby were in the hospital still, or so I thought. Turns out a very young mum is sitting in her bedroom, terrified as most first-time mums are while her mother and her friends party downstairs and these people could party. I wasn't drinking so I spent the evening fielding drunk people from upsetting this kid and manhandling a new born. I never spoke to her mother again
LH25 2 years ago
Wow. This grandma better be careful if she wants to ever see her grandson. What new mom is going to want to not only have a "Welcoming party" but stay with her in-laws for it?! And on top of that the attitude would make me not want to ever see the in-laws again. Good for hubby.
GirlFriday 2 years ago
My mother has 34 grandchildren and has never thought that a "welcoming party" was a good idea. In our family, I have 12 siblings, when a new baby is expected, we throw a shower for the first one, a sprinkle for the rest, we reach out to the expecting parents and make sure they have everything they need. In the case of my newest nephew, we kept the oldest two kids when the time came, my mom took them to visit their mom and meet the baby in the hospital, and my other SILs and I cleaned the house, and left easy family meals for them. We made sure the older kids got plenty of attention and time away from the house (park, hiking, etc.) so they were worn out and Mom could rest. That is how you welcome a baby, you don't bombard the family with obligations - YOU HELP WITH WHAT THEY NEED AND STAY AWAY UNTIL YOU ARE INVITED.
Jude Laskowski 2 years ago
What is "a sprinkle"? I've never heard of that. Thanks for being a great SIL.
Load More Replies... Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo 2 years ago
Not only was this a bonkers request to make of parents, newborn immune systems are not ready for crowds. The OP is cracked.
Sapna Sarfare 2 years ago
I want to know how this woman felt after getting to hear she is the AH... why cant we hear about post rant afterthought?
SkyBlueandBlack 2 years ago
I genuinely hope she never sees the baby. This b***h is psychotic.
Vinnie 2 years ago
Some parents set the example of what not to do. I learned a few things from my parents and continue to do so. Most recent lesson: thou shalt not use old age as an excuse to be an a*****e. If that grandmother continues to be self-centred, she'll leave some very relieved descendants.
Load More Replies... WindySwede 2 years ago (edited)
GM: "I was disappointed". Those three words summons the whole ordeal from GM... Please don't [be] that person! edit: missed a word.
Nice Beast Ludo 2 years ago
"I told him this was just not acceptable. Lying just because they didn't want a welcoming party and love and support being given from family. He ruined our welcoming for our grandbaby and also, I invited family members and they were rightfully disappointed also." Are you kidding me?? I don't need to say anything.
Sara Wilson 2 years ago
Instead of focusing on the WHY he may have chosen to lie, she's even said it and totally missed it
Load More Replies... Nightshade1972 2 years ago
Years ago, I had a friend who'd tried for years to have a child--she had a lot of serious health issues, and I haven't heard from her in so long I think she might no longer be on this side of the grass. Anyway, she and her husband tried for years before she was finally able to carry her son to term. Her mother wanted to baptize the baby in her (Grandma's) church--against the explicit wishes of both parents. Grandma kept pushing for the baptism, then seemed to stop. As their son's first birthday was approaching, she indicated that she wanted to have a "party" for him--at an address they didn't recognize. As they're approaching the address, they realize it's Grandma's church--she'd tried to arrange a baptism behind their back! They turned around and left without ever getting out of the car, and Grandma "never understood" what she did wrong.
JayWantsACat 2 years ago
"I just wanted to welcome the newborn and give them love..." Oh, so people should bend over backwards to accommodate you then. lmao
Somebodys grandmother 2 years ago (edited)
I have worked 30 years in this field. Newborns and their new parents HATE THE GUEST... FOR WEEKS... they can come to the door, wave and leave within 30 seconds... The baby, the breastfeeding, the exhausting is the main issue...
DuckDuckGoose 2 years ago
Ngl. I did this. I managed 4 days before the visitors infiltrated. If any of my friends give birth I always give them 2 weeks or more and wait for an invite. The only visitors I allowed was those present at the birth. My hubby and my sister. My mum waited at my request the monster in law not so much. My baby!!! Tough. My body has just been through a major trauma. My F***y is hurting I smell. I'm tired. BACK OFF
Niki A 2 years ago
Sheesh. How dare this woman try to be passive-aggressive about everything! Waaahhhh they don't want love and support!!! For some reason she doesn't want a party!!! You said you wanted to arrange it for right after she delivers?! Lady, I had a c-section three times, and if you did that to me, you would be lucky I didn't strangle you. Who the f**k thinks they get a say in when and how a baby who is not theirs is introduced?!
Ge Po 2 years ago
First day to week home with a newborn, especially the first one: Only close relatives and very close friends, in small groups, maximum an hour or so at the time. Preferably while these guest bring home made meals that are easily re-heated, diapers, coffee, chocolate, other useful baby-stuff, help clean kitchen, toilets and bathroom, take out the trash, walk the dog etcetera. You help out, you get to meet the baby.
Phil Vaive 2 years ago
I can absolutely guarantee that this isn't the first time something like this has happened in this family. At least the son has his wife's back, and didn't do whatever he could to impress his mom at his wife's expense (as we see so often in these stories)
Juanita Sullivan 1 year ago
I can't believe the OP had the nerve to post this! This is so ignorant and selfish. I honestly don't understand how some people feel they have the right to make decisions for others and their children.
Beachbum 2 years ago
My daughter just gave birth to her first baby in September, and I can never imagine throwing a welcoming party? When she went into labor, of course I went to their house and stayed, but that was to watch their 2 dogs and 4 cats! I told her, that I would not be at the house the day she gets discharged so her and her finance can have alone and bonding time with each other and the baby. This lady is crazy. Hey you just gave birth come stay at my house and lets have a party! I have respected every one of my daughter's boundaries, becuase I know it is important to both of them!
Amber.exe(She/They/Ze) 2 years ago
Oh God, having a baby is exhausting enough, she said no and you asked her husband. Good on him for lying to you and respecting his wife. I hope OP never sees her grandchild
Julia Cargile 2 years ago
Who in the world has a party for someone right after they give birth, grandma you're delusional.
Elizabeth Deighton 9 months ago
When I had my daughter, my step mil just popped into the hospital to have a quick peek. Pops refused to come as he said old people are full of germs and shouldn't be around babies until they are a bit older. They went on holiday 2 days later so it was almost a fortnight before we saw them. My parents lived 20 miles away with no car so they didn't see her until 5 days later. I certenly wouldn't have wanted a welcome home party. Guess I have been very lucky with the grandparents, more then that poor mum has been
Esther Archuleta 12 months ago
First baby and family were just wonderful. My mom, mom in law and two sisters in law would come to help. They would look at the baby, but aside of touching his hand or stroking his head, they would not hold him. After two weeks, the still came, but now they would hold him and talk to him. At three weeks I was asked if his many cousins could visit. Of course, I said yes. Each of my sisters in law brought their kids on different days. By this time, baby and I were allowed to leave the house(my mom's rule)so my husband and I took the baby to meet his proud grandfather. Oddly enough, my own sisters stayed away. They said I needed to take the baby to them. We had a party when the baby was christened.
Melissa anderson 1 year ago
I never heard of a welcoming party for a new born. And doing it inthe middle of the pandemic is just stupid. The only reason she wants one is because her sister did it. The parents were right to lie to her. She would have tricked them to get her way.
lisa grundy 1 year ago
who would want a party if you're trying to breastfeed, leaking, bleeding, knackered etc as new mums are this was definitely no way in hell am i having or attending a party i ve just given birth fgs
Susy Hammond 1 year ago
When I gave birth to my daughter 46 years ago, I was appreciative of the people who visited me in the hospital and shortly after when I got home. But to tell the truth, I was SO exhausted from the birth, lack of sleep--seeing anybody besides my husband and the baby would have been too much. Everyone should give the new family some peace. Have a party later if you must--you'll have a more alert baby to coo over then. Babies are basically pot roasts as newborns who have prehistoric sounding cries.
Craig Reynolds 1 year ago
I agree with all the YTA comments and they have already covered every reason I can think of so, I can only add my YTA to those entitled grandparents.
Janet Graham 2 years ago
I had a MIL like that. Most of her kids kept her out of the loop on things just because of reasons like this. Bossy, Queen of the World types are impossible to get along with. You either do it their way or cut them out of your life!
sharyn turnicky 2 years ago
I think "grandma" is just getting started with trying to control her son, daughter-in-law and their child. She is not someone that will recognize another's stated boundaries. Personally I think, if feasible, the son and his young family should put as much distance between them and "grandma" as possible
Sara Wilson 2 years ago
I'm guessing they r going to b going NC with these parents pretty fast if OP doesn't change her ways
Appalachian Panda 2 years ago
I have a *TON* of nieces and nephews and I've never heard of a "welcoming party." Is that really a thing?
Biana Weatherford 2 years ago
I love it when the universe comes together to educate a person. I wouldn't be surprised if this didn't sink into the OP, but the responses can be useful to others.... like someone trying to get the nerve to stand up to family.
Kerri Russ 2 years ago
I cannot believe the gumption this grandma has! Quite ballsy to not only ignore the family's wishes, but double down on it by blaming in the DIL! Their child, their choices, plain and simple.
The Starsong Princess 2 years ago
I think this was written by the dial or son from the viewpoint of the mil. No one is this oblivious.
Amber.exe(She/They/Ze) 2 years ago
You'd be suprised some people who ask are they the a-hole are oblivious
Load More Replies... Queenie G 2 years ago
You were wrong and the blame for not knowing about the birth of your grandchild is on you. You could have bonded with your daughter in law in such a great way if you had just respected her wishes and asked her to let you know when she was comfortable having a welcoming party for the baby.
Laura Parker 1 year ago
Yes. She and her husband are the a******s. This is their baby, not yours, and if you ever want to be allowed to see him, you had better back off and let them raise their child!
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