“My Husband Has Ruined Both Our Lives By Asking Me To Double Up His Lunch Serving For Work”
There are many ways in the world to completely ruin literally everything in your life, and for the stupidest reason. We are pretty confident that if someday people come up with a special Hall of Fame for such stories, then this one, which we’re about to tell you today, will take a place of honor in this glorious institution.
What is most striking here is that the guy in this tale by the user u/Empty_Researcher_348 not only ruined his own family life, but also, quite likely, lost all opportunities to obtain US citizenship or just a green card. And all because of the irrepressible gluttony of his mistress. Don’t believe me? Then let’s scroll through it together!
The author of the post got married two years ago and now has a 6-month-old daughter
Image credits: ZUMRAD NORMATOVA (not the actual photo)
The author is a US citizen while her husband came from Mexico and is now waiting to get documented
Image credits: u/Empty_Researcher_348
The author suspected the husband of infidelity several times but he gave her all his ‘explanations’ anyway
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Empty_Researcher_348
The guy works full-time and his wife always served him lunch for work – until recently he asked her to double up the size
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Empty_Researcher_348
One day the woman took her daughter and went to her husband’s workplace to check everything there
Image credits: Marlena (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Empty_Researcher_348
The woman got mad when she saw her husband eating his lunch with a female coworker, whom he told her had quit long ago!
This cautionary tale happened quite recently. The Original Poster (OP) is a young woman whose parents moved from Mexico to the United States many years ago, and eventually became US citizens, and the author of the post, their youngest daughter, was already born here. The OP’s siblings are much older, so they all already had their own homes and families when she turned 20. As a result, her mom gifted her the old family house, where she lives to this day.
Several years passed – and the original poster met her future husband, who had recently arrived from Mexico and was engaged in agricultural work. The couple dated for about a year and then they got married. After some more time, the author of the post became pregnant, and then gave birth to a daughter.
All these years her husband had been working full-time, and our heroine worked part-time only to supplement their income and to pay for the legal process of getting him documented. The woman honestly admits that this was her first long-term relationship, so she was probably very trusting and naive. At least, when she once saw naked photos of his ex-coworker on the husband’s phone, she believed his assurances that he had nothing going on with her at all.
The OP gets up before her husband to prepare him breakfast and lunch for work. And then, when he returns home, a hearty dinner awaits him too. The family budget is quite limited – so when some time ago the husband asked the OP to double up the size of the lunch served for his work, she was surprised – but she tried to cut down on food for herself to provide her husband with what he wanted.
And then strange things began… After some time, the woman found an unrecognized second fork in her hubby’s lunchbox. She suspected something was wrong, but the man again explained to her that he simply found this fork at work and occasionally took it home. Well, things were looking more and more strange – and one day the woman decided to check everything out.
Around lunchtime, she took her daughter with her and went to her husband’s work, ostensibly just to see him. Imagine her surprise and indignation when she saw him from a distance having lunch – but not alone! There was another female coworker with him, to whom the guy had shown signs of attention before, but after a sharp reaction from his wife, he had blocked her on all devices, and later even claimed that she had quit. But no – everything turned out to be a lie, and now they were chatting and laughing, devouring their lunch together – the very lunch carefully cooked by the OP!
To the woman’s credit, she did not start a scandal, but simply took a few photos and left. Returning home, she printed out these photographs and placed them on the table along with a note politely asking her husband to pick up his things and leave. And then she took her daughter and went to her sister’s place. She firmly decided for herself that she was filing for divorce – although her sister tried to persuade her not to do this – just to save her ex-husband’s chances of getting documented.
But the author was adamant – and when she returned home a few days later, she did not find her husband’s things there. Apparently, he understood everything, and simply did not want to see her anymore. Well, the OP doesn’t care what happens to his green card now – after all, the guy, apparently, married her solely for the sake of legalization in the USA. Well, that’s life, and sometimes it’s damn unfair…
Image credits: Jack Sparrow (not the actual photo)
“To be honest, I am very surprised that after the first incident with photographs of a colleague, this woman continued to trust her husband,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, with whom Bored Panda got in touch for a comment on this case. “However, if she really loved her husband, and this was her first serious relationship, then nothing is surprising. Love and lack of life experience very often lead us to all sorts of careless deeds.”
“Of course, I’m upset for the virtually broken family, but if the husband really married this woman only because of her citizenship, then it looks very vile on his part. And so, if this is the case, this family really did not have a future. Well, now this woman has life experience, a beautiful daughter and, who knows, maybe in the nearest future she will meet a decent person to go further together. I would like to wish her nothing but this,” Irina ponders.
Well, most people in the comments to the original post really supported the author’s decision to part ways with her hapless hubby, while at the same time being outraged by his behavior. Also among the recommendations was a strong advice not to listen to the sister dissuading the OP from legalizing the divorce. In the end, indeed, the woman may well meet someone new in the future.
And the commenters also sincerely advised the original poster not to worry about her unsuccessful family life with this guy, because he actually chose this outcome for himself. “He made a decision to cheat on you despite knowing that your marriage was what was getting him his green card in the first place. He made this mess, not you, now he’s the one who has to clean it up,” someone in the comments wrote.
Sounds completely exhausting, doesn’t it? However, if you have something to add about this situation, or even tell your own story, then we will be the last to dissuade you. So please welcome to the comments to discuss everything there!
People in the comments mostly sided with the woman in her decision to part ways and claimed it’s now her hapless hubby’s problem to clean it up
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Jenna Norman (not the actual photo)
I want to give her a hug. She's not stupid; my first real relationship the guy was also a year younger and abusive and I was told to stick it out and didn't know better. She was in love and was just trying to navigate everything. He is a worthless POS and I am so glad that she is strong enough to never get back in a relationship with him. I just hope that she immediately gets therapy which is something I did not do. I still have so much anger even though this was over 10+ years ago.
OP was being used so bad, how awful. Change the locks and file for divorce and custody. Do not allow unsupervised visitation or that baby will be in Mexico.
I've only ever had one relationship, so I'm pretty naive too, but in what world does a mother to a newborn get up 1.5(!!) hours early every day to fix her husband lunch and get his s**t together for him?? Or cut herself off from food so that her husband can have more?? That's not naivety, that's something else entirely.
This is true. She was taking food from her baby (breast milk), to feed this guy. That's a little (OK a lot) off.
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He's gonna leave the second he gets his citizenship; she should save her money and give him the boot now. As to never seeing his daughter again... maybe he should have thought about that before cheating. She sounds like a loving, dedicated wife, and he's taking terrible advantage of her. Just let him get deported. He made his adulterous bed; he can lie in it.
I'm still not sure I totally understand what happened; her writing is awful.
Summation: Girl does immigrant outreach - Girl meets boy - boy needs green card - girl falls for boy - boy has nakie photos of another girl - boy promises to change - girl marries boy - boy and girl have baby - girl uses paycheck to pay for immigration lawyer for boy - boy wants more food for lunch - girls gives boy her food - boy gives food to another woman - girl finds proof of affair with woman - girl decides to divorce boy over affair and stop paying for immigration lawyer.
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And this kids is why you don't internalise sexist s**t like "as a woman my role and how to show love is always cook my husband food, even if I have to wake up 1.5 hours before him and go without food even tho im breastfeeding". It is inevitable you will attract a******s rearing to take advantage of you, not to mention the massive strain and the unfairness of it all If you think you should act like ppls person maid, you'll attract ppl who think so to, who will then proceed to respect you exactly as much as they'd respect a maid, or even less
I wouldn't just "leave him" so he can't get with anyone else. Yes, it's punishment for him, but 1) he will just get with people anyways and 2) it will keep U from being able to heal. Don't feel guilty. HE is the one that made the decision to cheat. Period. Clearly his daughter and his citizenship DON'T mean that much to him, or he wouldn't have jeopardized it all. OP is 100% justified in everything she has done. I hope she is able to stay strong moving forward! Sounds like she has a good support system
Sign those papers... And change the locks on the house.
Dont let him him be alone with the baby. File in the divorce that he is a flight risk to take the baby to México. Not hecause he wants the baby.. but to p**s off the mother.
That is beyond crazy. Why do people hurt those who truly try to be there for them? She fits the criteria of what so many men say they want in a woman(cooks, cleans, money conscious, etc) yet this is how those qualities are treated. Heart breaking ☹️
Change the locks, get a protection order because of his showing up at BIL with friends. Start divorce proceedings immediately. Do not take his word for anything. I’ve was as naive as you. Don’t feel bad. Hang in there, it does get better. Big hug!
Stop perpetuating this relative new myth that 1950s meant a woman was treated like a house/sex slave. Sure, there were jerks then as they are now, but in most households, the husband wife were partners, with each having their jobs to do, and mutual respect. Don't believe that one TV show you saw set in the 50s and base your entire idea of that decade off of that one show.
Why would it mean choosing between his daughter and his parents? You can visit the US if you live in Mexico, and vice-versa (if he finds a job that will sponsor him, or gets a Family Preference visa). Obviously one or the other of them did this before they were engaged, for them to have met? He's basically saying that he won't put in the effort if she doesn't do it for him.
Where are all the guys wanting trad wives? You wanna fu#king know why women don't become trad wives anymore?
Many women are so desperate for love they ignore obvious red flags. That usually comes from childhood trauma or an abusive or neglectful father. Maybe a bit of compassion is in order?
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The dude only married her for a green card and cheated on her behind her back. He made his bed.
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This guy is in this position because of his own s****y decisions. He is to blame for the situation he finds himself in, not her.
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I want to give her a hug. She's not stupid; my first real relationship the guy was also a year younger and abusive and I was told to stick it out and didn't know better. She was in love and was just trying to navigate everything. He is a worthless POS and I am so glad that she is strong enough to never get back in a relationship with him. I just hope that she immediately gets therapy which is something I did not do. I still have so much anger even though this was over 10+ years ago.
OP was being used so bad, how awful. Change the locks and file for divorce and custody. Do not allow unsupervised visitation or that baby will be in Mexico.
I've only ever had one relationship, so I'm pretty naive too, but in what world does a mother to a newborn get up 1.5(!!) hours early every day to fix her husband lunch and get his s**t together for him?? Or cut herself off from food so that her husband can have more?? That's not naivety, that's something else entirely.
This is true. She was taking food from her baby (breast milk), to feed this guy. That's a little (OK a lot) off.
Load More Replies... He's gonna leave the second he gets his citizenship; she should save her money and give him the boot now. As to never seeing his daughter again... maybe he should have thought about that before cheating. She sounds like a loving, dedicated wife, and he's taking terrible advantage of her. Just let him get deported. He made his adulterous bed; he can lie in it.
I'm still not sure I totally understand what happened; her writing is awful.
Summation: Girl does immigrant outreach - Girl meets boy - boy needs green card - girl falls for boy - boy has nakie photos of another girl - boy promises to change - girl marries boy - boy and girl have baby - girl uses paycheck to pay for immigration lawyer for boy - boy wants more food for lunch - girls gives boy her food - boy gives food to another woman - girl finds proof of affair with woman - girl decides to divorce boy over affair and stop paying for immigration lawyer.
Load More Replies... And this kids is why you don't internalise sexist s**t like "as a woman my role and how to show love is always cook my husband food, even if I have to wake up 1.5 hours before him and go without food even tho im breastfeeding". It is inevitable you will attract a******s rearing to take advantage of you, not to mention the massive strain and the unfairness of it all If you think you should act like ppls person maid, you'll attract ppl who think so to, who will then proceed to respect you exactly as much as they'd respect a maid, or even less
I wouldn't just "leave him" so he can't get with anyone else. Yes, it's punishment for him, but 1) he will just get with people anyways and 2) it will keep U from being able to heal. Don't feel guilty. HE is the one that made the decision to cheat. Period. Clearly his daughter and his citizenship DON'T mean that much to him, or he wouldn't have jeopardized it all. OP is 100% justified in everything she has done. I hope she is able to stay strong moving forward! Sounds like she has a good support system
Sign those papers... And change the locks on the house.
Dont let him him be alone with the baby. File in the divorce that he is a flight risk to take the baby to México. Not hecause he wants the baby.. but to p**s off the mother.
That is beyond crazy. Why do people hurt those who truly try to be there for them? She fits the criteria of what so many men say they want in a woman(cooks, cleans, money conscious, etc) yet this is how those qualities are treated. Heart breaking ☹️
Change the locks, get a protection order because of his showing up at BIL with friends. Start divorce proceedings immediately. Do not take his word for anything. I’ve was as naive as you. Don’t feel bad. Hang in there, it does get better. Big hug!
Stop perpetuating this relative new myth that 1950s meant a woman was treated like a house/sex slave. Sure, there were jerks then as they are now, but in most households, the husband wife were partners, with each having their jobs to do, and mutual respect. Don't believe that one TV show you saw set in the 50s and base your entire idea of that decade off of that one show.
Why would it mean choosing between his daughter and his parents? You can visit the US if you live in Mexico, and vice-versa (if he finds a job that will sponsor him, or gets a Family Preference visa). Obviously one or the other of them did this before they were engaged, for them to have met? He's basically saying that he won't put in the effort if she doesn't do it for him.
Where are all the guys wanting trad wives? You wanna fu#king know why women don't become trad wives anymore?
Many women are so desperate for love they ignore obvious red flags. That usually comes from childhood trauma or an abusive or neglectful father. Maybe a bit of compassion is in order?
Load More Replies... The dude only married her for a green card and cheated on her behind her back. He made his bed.
Load More Replies... This guy is in this position because of his own s****y decisions. He is to blame for the situation he finds himself in, not her.
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