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Woman Is Asked When She’s Having Kids, Replies With A Playful Joke, Gets Banned From Family Halloween Party
There is this socio-cultural thing whereby parents, relatives, or even friends keep pestering you and/or your significant other about when you’ll be having kids, why you won’t have them sooner, or why you won’t have them at all, should the case be.
However, times have changed and many young adults tend to push the whole having kids thing to later stages in their lives, or choose not to have kids at all. Or perhaps they can’t have kids for medical reasons. Which would be a bit of an insensitive and overly personal thing to bug someone about. But I digress.
This is that story. One Reddit user shared a story where her diplomatic attempt to joke such questions away was taken as an offense by someone, and while they kept pushing the issue, it quickly turned into a conflict.
More Info: Reddit
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Everyone copes with “when’s kids?” questions in their own ways, and joking it off is a fairly good tactic
Image credits: Steve Snodgrass
Reddit user u/Noswelling has recently shared a story on the Am I The A-Hole subreddit where she asked the community if she was wrong for saying her go-to joke to a kids question posed by a relative.
More specifically, the family was visiting the OP, with a sibling in-law in attendance, because the OP purchased a house that had some extra bedrooms. Some started speculating that this was because their family was growing, with said in-law not being too subtle about it. So he asked.
However, that didn’t turn out well for this Reddit user who joked about preferring sushi to kids
Image credits: Noswellin
Now, OP has a go-to line which she always uses with “when’s kids?” situations. She jokes it off by saying “Oh, well, I like sushi too much to have to give it up for a pregnancy. Plus not drinking for pregnancy and breastfeeding? No thanks!”
Well, the issue escalated quickly, as the in-law, who himself had trouble having kids, kept pushing the issue and took OP’s lighthearted comeback as an offense. It got even worse when OP’s husband chimed in by coming back with another joke: “well, if she gets pregnant, that’ll be a problem for the divorce lawyers.”
Image credits: Noswellin
This led to a fallout—the couple wasn’t invited to the annual Halloween party. And the holidays are fast approaching, so you can guess what might happen. So, Noswellin turned to Reddit to figure out whether she was wrong to “prefer sushi to kids” the way she did.
It is important to note that the Reddit user’s intentions were to just extinguish that conversation—she actually likes kids, it’s just that she doesn’t want her own, that’s all.
Image credits: Noswellin
The democratic people of r/AITA have ruled that she is not the bad guy here. There were many reasons behind this ruling, including the fact that the in-law doesn’t have the right to judge here just because he had it rough and just didn’t stop, despite OP trying to de-escalate the issue in a polite manner.
The democratic AITA community ruled that OP is not the bad guy here
In under a day, the post managed to garner over 20,000 upvotes with 75 Reddit awards. Besides this, loads of people were engaged in the discussions that followed, racking up nearly 2,800 comments.
You can read through the whole post as well as the entire comment thread here. But before you run off, tell us your thoughts on this whole situation. Who’s wrong here? Let us know in the comment section below.
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What do you think ?
Ozacoter 4 years ago
It is insane how weirdly people reacts when they realise that you are childfree. I need a hysterectomy because pregnancy would be very dangerous for me, i will have it in a few months. But despite the severe reasons it took me 2y and 4 doctors to get it aproved. My "aunts in law" defend that the doctors were right to not allow me to have it "because you are too young to decide yet". Not only I am 31 but also I didnt decide to have such a big death risk. My partner got really angry and told them that if they prefered to have me alive or to have a grandkid. Their silence said it all...
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
Ozacoter, ah, you got a good one! When my health risks were known, I couldn 't get a hysterectomy, etc. (I was in my late 20s, I might somehow miraculously be cured?). So my hubby got a vasectomy. At a family event where we were pestered, he stood up and yelled, "I got my balls cut!" and that.... was that. :-)
Load More Replies...
Nikki Sevven 4 years ago
Having children is a personal choice. Choosing to not have children is not reprehensible; reproducing is not required of anyone. Plus, the whole "it was hard for me, you're just throwing away your ability to reproduce" is a ridiculous argument. If you're on a diet, you don't get to deprive me of cookies.
Otter 4 years ago
Most people grow out of thinking that everyone should like what they like, but this sounds more like he's one of those people who thinks that people have some sort of social/familial duty to breed. Maybe he was raised that way, maybe he came to believe it during his struggles with infertility, who cares. He's wrong no matter how he became to believe such nonsense.
Load More Replies...
Adam Belaire 4 years ago
Me thinks Alex just haven't had the right sushi yet. He'd change his tune then.
Eliska Klimentova 4 years ago
One very telling thing is “a good mother puts children above all”. Not “good father” or “good parent”. Also “we had a miscarriage” and “we had to go through IF”. No dude, your wife had to, it wasn’t your body and health on the line. This isn’t about OP’s childfree stays as much as it is about Alex being annoyed that a woman has taken a governance of her own body, and is clearly and freely disregarding his opinion. He’s gonna be one of the fathers who have an unhealthy obsession with his daughter’s virginity, for that same reason.
Pezor Zass 4 years ago
i had a co-worker pester me about having kids. told her i had enough trouble looking after myself, let alone children. i meant mentally, but she took it as materially and came back with "He always provides!" Nearly lost it. Almost came back with all the children "He" allows to die of illness, starvation, abuse, etc. but realized in time that this would open up a whole other can of worms, and walked away. probably the better choice, but oh, so wanted to yell at her
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
Um, "He" doesn't always provide.... Wow, I'd have lost it. I congratulate you for not saying anything.
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NsG 4 years ago
I'm going to add a comment from Reddit user claudia_grace because she sums it up perfectly: "Not only is it not OP's problem, it's also not something OP could have changed for them. I realize the infertile relatives may have some irrational feelings going on, but OP's husband getting a vasectomy didn't make the in-laws infertile. Had OP's husband not gotten a vasectomy, it wouldn't have helped improve the in-laws fertility." Sometimes people need to take a step back and realise that not everything revolves around them, and not every action taken by someone else is an action taken for or against them.
DuchessDegu 4 years ago
We also got a three bedroom house with a big garden because the cat needed more space 😁
Janis Wise 4 years ago (edited)
Yes, then had to get the cat a companion because the house was so big and she got lonely! I feel ya. 😜
Load More Replies...
Evil Little Thing 4 years ago (edited)
I really don't understand why people get so upset about other people not wanting kids (or not wanting more). I have one child, I wanted him desperately for years before it happened, and he brings a lot of meaning and joy to my life. But that's ME, and I never wanted more. When he was little, total strangers would approach me and ask when I was having more, and I kept having to tell them that yes, I know I will never have another child because there's a whole field of medicine dedicated to creating and preventing babies. I can't even imagine why people think they need to force babies on people who don't want them, as if the only way to be a good human is to make more humans.
Otter 4 years ago
I think he was upset because she wasn't treating his family's fertility struggles as the most important thing in the entire world.
Load More Replies...
Lyone Fein 4 years ago
I am always amazed at people who claim to want children so much when what they really want is to pass on their own DNA. If someone is having trouble getting pregnant and they really want children, then they should adopt. There are countless orphans in need of parents in the world. And all the invitro process is so expensive. Please give a loving home to a child who already exists.
Samantha Lomb 4 years ago
My brother and his wife adopted.They are no less parents than people who share DNA with the kids they raise and much better parents than the kids bio mom and sperm doners
Load More Replies...
Laura Dawson 4 years ago
For the love of everything you hold dear in this life, I’ll say it again, just because you choose not to have kids doesn’t make you directly responsible for the feelings or reactions of people who have issues with fertility. Too many people out there that struggle to get pregnant that make it everyone else’s issue like the woman who said she didn’t want to have kids on a separate post & a mutual friend at the same house gathering decided to go to bunch of people & cry because she felt ‘victimised’ as here she was unable to have a child of her own & had overheard another woman saying she was choosing not to have kids. You want to have a baby - you do you. If I don’t want to have a baby - I do me. Focus on your own life. Don’t worry about someone else’s womb. It’s not your business nor does it affect you in any way.
Kitty Jordan 4 years ago
Yes. I have tremendous sympathy for those who want children but struggle or can't, but not to the point that everyone needs to tiptoe around them and never bring up that children exist or could exist at some point in time or that someone may not want them. It's like an alcoholic who is in recovery. They can avoid places that serve alcohol, they can personally make the choice not to drink alcohol, but it is not fair to say they can ban everyone in their life from drinking, mentioning alcohol, or choosing not to drink alcohol at a party because they don't want to. Can you imagine someone saying, "I *can't* drink alcohol, so you are OBLIGATED to!". It's ridiculous.
Load More Replies... Ozacoter 4 years ago
It is insane how weirdly people reacts when they realise that you are childfree. I need a hysterectomy because pregnancy would be very dangerous for me, i will have it in a few months. But despite the severe reasons it took me 2y and 4 doctors to get it aproved. My "aunts in law" defend that the doctors were right to not allow me to have it "because you are too young to decide yet". Not only I am 31 but also I didnt decide to have such a big death risk. My partner got really angry and told them that if they prefered to have me alive or to have a grandkid. Their silence said it all...
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
Ozacoter, ah, you got a good one! When my health risks were known, I couldn 't get a hysterectomy, etc. (I was in my late 20s, I might somehow miraculously be cured?). So my hubby got a vasectomy. At a family event where we were pestered, he stood up and yelled, "I got my balls cut!" and that.... was that. :-)
Load More Replies... Nikki Sevven 4 years ago
Having children is a personal choice. Choosing to not have children is not reprehensible; reproducing is not required of anyone. Plus, the whole "it was hard for me, you're just throwing away your ability to reproduce" is a ridiculous argument. If you're on a diet, you don't get to deprive me of cookies.
Otter 4 years ago
Most people grow out of thinking that everyone should like what they like, but this sounds more like he's one of those people who thinks that people have some sort of social/familial duty to breed. Maybe he was raised that way, maybe he came to believe it during his struggles with infertility, who cares. He's wrong no matter how he became to believe such nonsense.
Load More Replies... Adam Belaire 4 years ago
Me thinks Alex just haven't had the right sushi yet. He'd change his tune then.
Eliska Klimentova 4 years ago
One very telling thing is “a good mother puts children above all”. Not “good father” or “good parent”. Also “we had a miscarriage” and “we had to go through IF”. No dude, your wife had to, it wasn’t your body and health on the line. This isn’t about OP’s childfree stays as much as it is about Alex being annoyed that a woman has taken a governance of her own body, and is clearly and freely disregarding his opinion. He’s gonna be one of the fathers who have an unhealthy obsession with his daughter’s virginity, for that same reason.
Pezor Zass 4 years ago
i had a co-worker pester me about having kids. told her i had enough trouble looking after myself, let alone children. i meant mentally, but she took it as materially and came back with "He always provides!" Nearly lost it. Almost came back with all the children "He" allows to die of illness, starvation, abuse, etc. but realized in time that this would open up a whole other can of worms, and walked away. probably the better choice, but oh, so wanted to yell at her
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
Um, "He" doesn't always provide.... Wow, I'd have lost it. I congratulate you for not saying anything.
Load More Replies... NsG 4 years ago
I'm going to add a comment from Reddit user claudia_grace because she sums it up perfectly: "Not only is it not OP's problem, it's also not something OP could have changed for them. I realize the infertile relatives may have some irrational feelings going on, but OP's husband getting a vasectomy didn't make the in-laws infertile. Had OP's husband not gotten a vasectomy, it wouldn't have helped improve the in-laws fertility." Sometimes people need to take a step back and realise that not everything revolves around them, and not every action taken by someone else is an action taken for or against them.
DuchessDegu 4 years ago
We also got a three bedroom house with a big garden because the cat needed more space 😁
Janis Wise 4 years ago (edited)
Yes, then had to get the cat a companion because the house was so big and she got lonely! I feel ya. 😜
Load More Replies... Evil Little Thing 4 years ago (edited)
I really don't understand why people get so upset about other people not wanting kids (or not wanting more). I have one child, I wanted him desperately for years before it happened, and he brings a lot of meaning and joy to my life. But that's ME, and I never wanted more. When he was little, total strangers would approach me and ask when I was having more, and I kept having to tell them that yes, I know I will never have another child because there's a whole field of medicine dedicated to creating and preventing babies. I can't even imagine why people think they need to force babies on people who don't want them, as if the only way to be a good human is to make more humans.
Otter 4 years ago
I think he was upset because she wasn't treating his family's fertility struggles as the most important thing in the entire world.
Load More Replies... Lyone Fein 4 years ago
I am always amazed at people who claim to want children so much when what they really want is to pass on their own DNA. If someone is having trouble getting pregnant and they really want children, then they should adopt. There are countless orphans in need of parents in the world. And all the invitro process is so expensive. Please give a loving home to a child who already exists.
Samantha Lomb 4 years ago
My brother and his wife adopted.They are no less parents than people who share DNA with the kids they raise and much better parents than the kids bio mom and sperm doners
Load More Replies... Laura Dawson 4 years ago
For the love of everything you hold dear in this life, I’ll say it again, just because you choose not to have kids doesn’t make you directly responsible for the feelings or reactions of people who have issues with fertility. Too many people out there that struggle to get pregnant that make it everyone else’s issue like the woman who said she didn’t want to have kids on a separate post & a mutual friend at the same house gathering decided to go to bunch of people & cry because she felt ‘victimised’ as here she was unable to have a child of her own & had overheard another woman saying she was choosing not to have kids. You want to have a baby - you do you. If I don’t want to have a baby - I do me. Focus on your own life. Don’t worry about someone else’s womb. It’s not your business nor does it affect you in any way.
Kitty Jordan 4 years ago
Yes. I have tremendous sympathy for those who want children but struggle or can't, but not to the point that everyone needs to tiptoe around them and never bring up that children exist or could exist at some point in time or that someone may not want them. It's like an alcoholic who is in recovery. They can avoid places that serve alcohol, they can personally make the choice not to drink alcohol, but it is not fair to say they can ban everyone in their life from drinking, mentioning alcohol, or choosing not to drink alcohol at a party because they don't want to. Can you imagine someone saying, "I *can't* drink alcohol, so you are OBLIGATED to!". It's ridiculous.
Load More Replies...
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