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Non-Binary Person Teaches This Hateful Parent Tolerance And Their Text Exchange Goes Viral
Rain Dove, a non-binary model, has a unique policy of responding with kindness to the people who message them on Instagram, even if some of the messages initially lack it.
The model’s answer to “are you a man or a woman” is “I am I.” They respond to crude and even violent messages by asking how someone’s day is going, give compliments even in response to insults, and use humor and absurdity to deflect uncomfortable questions. And it might sound a little new-agey, but sometimes Dove finds that responding to someone with compassion and interest is enough to make them re-examine their initial judgemental reactions.
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Image credits: Rain Dove
This time, the message was from a parent who was angry and confused that their child had asked for a binder, an article of clothing used to flatten one’s chest. Dove stayed calm, prompted the parent about their reasons for feeling that way, and managed to turn it into a teaching moment by appealing to concern for the child’s well-being.
Image credits: Rain Dove
Image credits: Rain Dove
Image credits: Rain Dove
Image credits: Rain Dove
Image credits: Rain Dove
Image credits: Rain Dove
Image credits: Rain Dove
Image credits: Rain Dove
Image credits: Rain Dove
Image credits: Rain Dove
Image credits: Rain Dove
Image credits: Rain Dove
Image credits: Rain Dove
Dove makes a strong point that binding with whatever materials you can get your hands on instead of a professionally made article of clothing is dangerous, and suffering alone with mental health issues that you feel like you can’t tell your parents about is also dangerous. When you want your child to feel like they can tell you everything, providing them with an environment where they feel like they can safely explore their identity and go to you for help is crucial.
Image credits: Rain Dove
Commenters are inspired by Dove’s approach of being relentlessly kind to the people who message them, trying to get to the bottom of their concerns and find a human side. Not everyone can do what Dove does, and it’s undoubtedly not easy—some of their posts and stories show that not everyone is moved by the tactic. It’s understandable not to want to respond to someone who is sending you angry accusations or calling you names online, and you shouldn’t feel obligated to.
But, amazingly, Dove’s posts show that sometimes anger can be hiding worry about something deeper, and a little bit of compassion can encourage people to see things in a different way.
What do you think ?
Data1001 6 years ago (edited)
Whatever your feelings about this particular story, I have such respect for people who are able to respond to vitriol and anger with compassion. I fear my response in such situations would be a knee-jerk defensive response, but I've seen several first-hand moments where fear and anger was diffused merely by the simple act of kindness and really listening to what the other person was going through, without making judgments.
Aidyn06 6 years ago
@lag why do you have to get in to this??? I'm thirteen and my whole life, I've hated who I am. Because I wasn't born in the right body. People like you are what makes life so painful for me. We don't try to make other people trans. But if someone is trans, we encourage them to be themselves. Your "if I don't comment, they will win" comment is bs. There is no war to win. Just the battle that homophobes force us into. This article was about acceptance and love and being yourself. But you turned it into a reason to try and "win". Let me give you some advice, hun, there's nothing to win, but even if there were, we sure would win because of imbeciles like you thinking they know everything opposed to smart, rational, caring people is hardly even fair. So, why don't you crawl back into your little hole and go preach to a wall. I'll bet that wall gives a hundred more sh*ts then I do. Than anyone does. You need to stop trying to change the lifestyles of people you've never met. -Aidyn
Pseudo Puppy 6 years ago
Aidyn, lag is what seems to be a new troll within this normally "live and let live" peaceful bunch of boredpandas Your eloquence, intelligence, insightfulness, and self-awareness is something to be admired - it shows a wonderful character. Please now that the *majority* of us, are totally ok with the life you want to live, because quite frankly, it's *your* life. Just as we don't want someone to dictate to us how we should live, we don't want to dictate to others. I hope you're surrounded by people who both respect and support you in your life journey. If not, please know that you have a tribe of us in here, from all around the world, that wish you only good things.
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Emily Joyce-Dial 6 years ago
Rain’s patience and compassion are incredible. This is so lovely and inspiring. ❤️
Stevie B 6 years ago
It's wonderful that Rain took the time to talk with the parent, calmly, especially with an emphasis on keeping the dialog open. Since parent didn't provide a reason child asked for a binder, there could be many reasons. Is could be as simple as developing earlier then peers, and wanting to fit it. Loving one's body as it is constantly changing, especially if others have not yet started such changes, is difficult, to say the least. Providing a safe place for child to communicate such feelings & ideas is paramount.
Monica Michelle 6 years ago
Thank you do much for posting this.i tend to default to snark when attacked. I will work on being better
Lilah Grogan 6 years ago
@lag I am a friend of Aidyn's. While I respect your opinion, I do think you should limit how much you share it. What I mean by that is please don't push it. People have the right to be whatever they would like to be, and I really think you should at least try to respect that. By the way: I completely disagree with you, and I hope you know that your responses to Aidyn and other people's comments were really quite childish. I doubt you have a Bachelor's Degree, and I doubt you speak three foreign languages. I would advise you to leave us alone. Thank you.
Aidyn06 6 years ago
I'm about to give up on you lag. I can only thank God you aren't my mother. By the way, I am a freshman and you misspelled my name, Miss Bachelor 's Degree. Maybe instead of being whorish to teenagers, you should go do something with your life. And may I ask what languages you speak? Anyways, I don't even have a phone. I am using a computer. I can only thank God that I am not the child of a miserable witch like you. Oh wow! It appears I have offended you! I shall do a thing so mature, that your mind can't even comprehend it! Instead of denying that I offended you, I will apologize! I'm sorry I offended you. But I do not take back anything I said. I have also noticed that you continuously forget to add spaces after punctuation, Miss Bachelor's Degree. Now, before you call me out for my mistakes, you must remember: I am but a "little kid" whom you can't take seriously. I think I'm done with you. I have a life to get back to.
Aidyn06 5 years ago
Annie, please don't tell me what to do. Maybe instead of telling me to stop getting into fights with adults, you should tell adults to stop fighting with a minor. I was not the one who threatened someone. I, in fact, was told to watch my back and that I'd be sorry. Threatening a minor, in fact, is illegal. Would you like me to send a link on that?
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Aidyn06 5 years ago
I just want to say thank you to everyone who has been so supportive of me. It means the world to me. And trolls, as I mentioned before, go talk to a wall. It gives a million more sh*ts than I do. I'm gonna do everything I can to change the world.
Staci Bettencourt 5 years ago
It’s crazy how smart you are Aidyn. Seriously mature wow! I’m a mom of a 10 year old and a 7 year old. I am blown away by how grown up you sound. God bless you sweet youngster. You need to pursue writing.
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Leo Domitrix 6 years ago
Body issues don't mean you want to be trans or whatever. You can just be really awkward about these things, as my late sister was, when her chest ougrew the rest of her for a few years. Something like bindings would have been a blessing to her --- but instead, she was teased, leered at, etc., and it was *awful*.
Kathy Baylis 6 years ago (edited)
I was 12 when it happened for me. I’m 59 now and remember it all very clearly. Boys that age have voices that aren’t at all discreet. Believe me, I heard every rude comment and they all hurt. Fast forward to adulthood, and dating men who I swear never knew what color my eyes are—-and dumping them once I realized it. It took years for me to be comfortable in my own skin. If I could’ve used a binder back then, I could’ve avoided a lot of misery.
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rean addy 6 years ago
i am a 49 year old male with 5 daughter adn my best mate of 33 years is pansexual, i love them all to bits, i pride myself on trying to do the right thing for them, i was tearing up reading this, this is what love and understanding is all about and listening too, bravo to Raindovemodel and the mother, communication is the key.
Bubble***tea 3 6 years ago
Iv got a question. What do ur kids call them? Iv always wondered. Also I am a pansexual myself!
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Parmeisan 6 years ago
To all the haters saying "stop shoving it in our face, I don't care what you identify as I just don't want to hear about it"... don't you realize it's you and people like you who are making it into a big deal? The vast majority of transgendered and nonbinary people just want to live their lives like anybody else, if you didn't make an issue of it then it wouldn't be an issue. Yes, sometimes there are news articles and television shows featuring humans who aren't like you. Goodness what a horrible experience that must be for you! But for the love of God, please just stop complaining so we can all move on.
Leigh Ann Poston 5 years ago
I totally agree... “The vast majority of transgendered and nonbinary people just want to live their lives like anybody else”. I think a vast majority of people who aren’t trans or non-binary in general just want to get on with their day too. It is the extremists, on both ends of the spectrum, that are the loudest and cause the drama.
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Aidyn06 6 years ago
and @lag? Do NOT call me a little kid. And you certainly can't tell me what offends me and what doesn't. YOU have no right to talk to me that way. I am a minor. I handled this in the most respectful way I could. You will greatly regret this.
K. Blanchette 6 years ago
Don't feel the trolls. They have nothing better to do than stir the pot on the internet and hide behind a username. I support you tho <3
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respulero 6 years ago
as Rain says "i am i". Period. Accept yourself as you are and the others as they are. And this is too for those "i wanna be X" who claims for others acceptance when they cant accept theyselves how they are
PotatoNinja5000 6 years ago
@Iag You're referring to the ones who do "want to be in the spotlight", or those who are just popular. Not every non-binary has a large online following, and so you aren't seeing them. So the question is, why do you think that they should be blacklisted from the internet? Would you say the same to a fully male or female? Because quite a few of those also "want the spotlight", whilst promoting actually harmful things (extreme sports, detox teas, exploring dangerous places, etc). If that isn't the same for you and you just don't like anyone who isn't straight and/or binary, that's called homophobia. However just by clicking on these articles, you are taking your first steps towards learning more about the people that you hate. With time, hopefully you can just accept people for what they are (without making a fool of yourself online).
Load More Replies... Aidyn06 5 years ago
I've said it before and I'll say it again, y'all: Thank you so much to everyone who has been there for me while the trolls attack me for something I can't help. When I said I am gonna change the world, I meant it. I'm starting a charity in Nashville, to help kids who can't get the support they need from their families. One day I hope everyone here will hear the name Aidyn Fisher and think something good of it. I want people to think, 100 years from now, and say "He is why kids can be themselves". I would do anything to give everyone the support they need. This is a start. Thanks so much everyone. -Aidyn Patrikk Fisher :)
Lucas 5 years ago
Aidyn, looks like Annie got kicked off. All her comments have vanished.
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Quintessence 5 years ago (edited)
Ana J, your profile reads "Bored Panda can be such an uplifting place. 😃" The irony is sickening. Edit: Ana J, in response to your question "Care to elaborate?", I think you misread me. I found it ironic that you had such a happy profile and were spreading so much hate all over this thread. Literally everything even remotely LGBTQ on this, you completely rip apart and criticize them for who they are or what they believe. That's the exact opposite of uplifting. Edit #2: Ana J, your response below has so many fallacies I don't even know where to begin. You clearly have very strong opinions. I'm not going to answer those questions, because it would only lead to a million new arguments and I don't have time for that. I will say this though: the purpose of this article was to be uplifting. Your profile is uplifting. And yet you launch into all sorts of major controversies that don't belong here. I don't want to argue with you. A level of criticism and reasonable debate is good for society and helps us to learn and grow. But you're bringing so much hate and criticism it's just making people angry and hurt. There comes a time when it's a good idea to keep your opinions to yourself.
Aidyn06 5 years ago
Oh Ana J, I am downvoting myself! Why? Because you bet money. It's in writing. I want the money.
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Paige Borak 5 years ago
Is there a way to report comments/commenters for harassment and hate speech on this site? It's getting nasty in here, and it's not helpful to any other queer people just looking up a kickass nonbinary model.
Chris Jones 5 years ago (edited)
Click on 'contact' and you should see the option to 'Report Post'. I completely agree with you - there is one indivdual making it very personal and that's not on. EDIT: Oh No, Aidyn - I stand WITH you. Sorry, I was supposed to be sleeping and not on BP at the time. Sorry I wasn't clear. 100% with you.
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Janet Foushee 6 years ago
Beautiful & compassionate response to the mother from Rain. We need more Rain ! ! !
Jana Renner 6 years ago
Dove uses incredible methods and I really adore the way putting them to good use!
Fern Cornelius 6 years ago
Rain's state of mind and way of communicating have always impressed me. Amazing human!
Aidyn06 5 years ago
Can people stop insulting my parents, please? I have the most amazing parents I could ask for. My parents aren't on this site and none of you know them, so you have no right to insult them. I will stand up for what I believe in. You can not assume that they are bad people just because they don't like me. I didn't know what the word trans meant until seventh grade. In fifth grade, though, I was diagnosed with depression. I hated myself. I started to transition before I even knew what trans meant. Once I googled the definition, as I'd heard the word thrown around, it made far more sense and I knew who I was. Now, before I get backlash for "throwing around my problems", I don't want sympathy. I want people to understand and stop insulting my amazing parents.
Ellen Little 5 years ago
I don’t think I could ever have the patience to respond so kindly and thoughtfully. This brought tears to my eyes as I read it. I have a ton of respect for Rain.
Inga Turner 6 years ago
They are right about people with large breasts too. I wish I'd known about binders before I wound up having what turned out to be a badly done breast reduction surgery.
deanna woods 6 years ago
I love the way Rain handled the exchange with this parent. If more people were this calm and compassionate the world would be a better place.
meme lord 6 years ago
to people reading the comments, i am sorry for what is going on on the downvoted comments below, some people are against trans people and that is okay if you are but if you want to say what your views are please don't say that trans people are bad or brainwashed they are not they sometimes feel uncomfortable about how they are and how they look sometimes, it is ok if you don't support it but please don't bash the article and/or trans people or groups
Quintessence 5 years ago
It is so nice to hear this story, how they helped her instead of coming back with hate... that was so heartwarming. I'm sad to read this comment thread and see it filled with arguments and insults... I'm not LGBTQ so I won't try to define it, but for all of you who are against it, I just want to let you know that some of the most incredible people I've ever met have been pan, trans, and gay. They were themselves, and I am honored to know them. After going through so much hate and internal struggles on their path to coming out, now they finally actually feel like themselves. That's who they're supposed to be, and I love them for it. I wish the rest of the world could see them and understand. Also... please don't respond if you have hate for them, or anyone else. I just wanted you all to know that. You can use bad names or whatever you want, just use them on me, not them.
Briana Russell 6 years ago
God these comments are full of such hate? why are people fighting?- Why is everyone upset? if people just kept what they think to themselves there would be no issue. Adult or kid a lot of people in these comments are just full out disrespectful? Why start fights with children over an opposing opinion? Child or not most people here are immature. 20's or teens.
Viviane Katz 6 years ago
Just a heads up -- Iag is a troll: "Bored panda sucks, it’s full of gay s**t, feminist s**t, follow the herd and jump of a cliff s**t, virtue signaling and political correctness s**t, s****y stupid people in general i only come here to annoy the sheeple, that gives me great pleasure🤣🤣!And boy are they easily annoyed!"
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Everybody Say love! 5 years ago
For all those throwing around the 'Biology' argument, this is an interesting read: https://www.nature.com/articles/518288a Biologist are now admitting that "The idea of two sexes is simplistic. Biologists now think there is a wider spectrum than that" https://www.nature.com/articles/518288a . Science is forever changing, theories constantly disproved, it has a name 'Superseded Theories' and Biology is no different, from Spontaneous Generation to Maternal Impression. If we dug our heels in every time there is a shift in the status quo, things may have turned out to be very different.
Steve Cruz 5 years ago
This is very moving. Many young people want to EXPLORE. Rain Dove's gentle, kind, thoughtful responses seem to have helped a fearful parent discover their own care and understanding.
Melody Norris 5 years ago
I truly wish I had Dove's ability to respond to hate with love. I often hate myself because I react in anger when people hurt me or my family. It is horrible how I literally feel the rage well up inside of me when someone is being hurtful. I feel it overtake me and things spill out of my mouth that I would never say normally. My only concern with Dove is this.....what the heck is on that plate?? It looks really really gross!! LOL!! God bless Dove.
WillemPenn 5 years ago
Melody -- my experience has been the more I don't like an ingrained trait of mine and try to fix it, the stronger it becomes. I now practice awareness which leads to acceptance which leads to action ... and things get better. But if I try to force this process or skip any of it so I can have relief, things get messy. It has not been a quick process for me but it works. I applaud you for being honest about your feelings and how you react. Keep sharing your feelings with a trusted advisor and as you continue to observe, without judgment, why you respond the way you do, you will develop the ability to engage as an actor rather reactor in the situation.
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Misty Suarez-Forehand 6 years ago
This is awesome. Thank you for being such a great human and giving helpful info. Will be looking into this for my daughter. Much love
Incel Slayer 6 years ago
Oh my goodness, I love this person. If only more people could respond to vitriol with such dignity and compassion and turn what could have been an ugly, hurtful experience for both into an important dialogue. They are an example of exactly what we need more of in this world and if you can't see past their gender then you're missing out on a wonderful human being.
Quintessence 5 years ago
Aidyn06, I'm so sorry that you're getting this much hate. Never stop standing up for what you believe in. I can't even imagine what I would do in your situation. I'm not LGBTQ myself, but I support you all and the way that you're handling this is amazing.
Aidyn06 5 years ago
Thanks @Quintessence. I'd rather fight for a good cause with only a few supporters than give up without making an impact.
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Debra Robinson 6 years ago
wow-lag only succeeded in getting ripped multiple new ones lol-plus desired downvotes
Misty Corrales 5 years ago
Rain is my hero. I love how Rain heard the fear behind the message and responded with love. That was so crucial and beautiful. I do hate the headline here though. The mother was not hateful. She was scared. She was operating without the information and understanding that she needed. And when she was met with compassion, she responded with the same and entered into a discussion that allowed her to get the true information she needed. She wanted the best for her Sammy, and what she was angry and upset about was feeling like her child had been made to feel 'less than'. To her, her Sammy was perfect and beautiful and how dare anyone make her Sammy feel less than that! That's not hate. That's a Mother coming in fierce to protect her child. And what Rain did was beautiful, because that conversation helped Sammy's mom find the best way to do that. Please let's not call Sammy's mom hateful.
Steve Cruz 5 years ago
What a kind, generous, thoughtful exchange in this world of "Cancel Culture." Dove truly brings PEACE.
Matt 5 years ago
Beautiful interaction, but I think it's a shame Bored Panda had to clickbait the headline with 'hateful parent'. It kind of goes against the whole spirit of the piece. While the parent was aggressive to start with, the reaction she received was so kind and compassionate that she began to respond in the same way. This isn't hateful behaviour at all, and the parent deserves more respect for being open enogh to change her opinion during the conversation, instead of simply being labelled 'hateful' in the title to get a few more clicks.
Leigh Ann Poston 5 years ago
Dove handled this situation with grace and compassion is also GORGEOUS is both pictures and there seems to be a plate of chocolate something.... so much wonderful!!
Lennette Randall 5 years ago
The title of this article is biased and misleading. Upset parent yes, angry parent maybe but hateful parent? Really? If one thing this conversation shows is a loving parent concerned about their child. We really have to be mindful of the narratives we propagate.
Jessica Hemesath 5 years ago
I have a metaphor to assist with understanding this issue. My goal with this is to help others understand each other’s different viewpoints. It’s really important not to dismiss other people’s opinions because they are different from your own. Here’s my metaphor: Let’s say you want to ride a bike in an urban area of the United States. Where I live in the Midwest, a lot of people find it unsafe and do not feel comfortable doing so. Most people drive and conform to social pressure. Others only do it leasurely away from busy roads. Others challenge the structure of the city not including cyclists and ride anyways. Some of these people do so by being comfortably themselves (the brave ones) - others go in groups or wear really flashy clothing to aid in feeling more safe on the road with traffic. My point is, there’s a lot of ways we deal with societies oppression towards our desired ways to live. I chose cycling as an example I think any person may relate to. Thanks for reading
Brandy Grote 6 years ago
I cry. Rain used great words to help that parent love their baby better!
Seth Berkowitz 5 years ago
What a lovely exchange. Shows how love and compassion can overcome intolerance and bring out love that was always there. Makes me wonder why Bored Panda chose to call the parent hateful when by the end of the exchange they had reached some common ground. The need for love and tolerance goes both ways.
Kim Lorton 5 years ago
Rain Dove, you are a truly remarkable and amazing human being! Your are the expression of love here on this earth. Thank you for being you!
Herb Coleman 5 years ago
I need to learn this tactic of response. They were patient and complementary rather than reactionary and argumentative. In the end, they got their point across and the mother listened and gained understanding. We could all learn from this.
Sarah Dalley 5 years ago
I would just like to say, im a female - born female, identify as female. but when i grew boobs, i was a tom boy and absolutely mortified that i was getting boobs, i was in denial and convinced only girly girls would get periods and boobs and i was different. I use to tape my boobs down because i was ashamed of them. just because someone asks for flat chest does not mean they identify as a boy either, people do things in their own time and own way. i feel like now if i had these same feelings i would be confused that maybe i identified as a boy! let kids experiment, stopping them from doing something or saying they are something because they do X is a slippery slop to confusion for the poor young ones. i love this conversation and the positivity and confort this sweet person gave a very worried mother! but just because she/he would like a binding strap does not mean they instantly identify as 'he'.
Clinton Yew 5 years ago
I can't seems to find who is this @lag person... is his comments all removed or he changed username?
Jennifer St. Jude 5 years ago
I am so impressed by Rain Doves ability to respond with compassion and respect. That must have been hard in the face of such anger. But wow how that conversation turned around was amazing. I’m speechless. Way to go Rain!!! (((Hug))) ❤️
Jacqueline Davis 5 years ago
I like the fact that Rain was able to see the good in the mother, even though she was angry and accusatory. Discovering that a close relative is trans can really throw you for a loop, especially if you're older. But Rain could see that mother really did care about her daughter, but was ignorant and disoriented, not a bad person. Very nice.
Brian Wood 5 years ago
This is exactly the attitude we expect in our politicians. Address the issue not the attitude. Good for you, I hope you have the opportunity to pass on your skills - making a better world.
Liam Walsh 5 years ago
I'd say it's the attitude we would like in our politicians rather than expect.
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Ivana 6 years ago
That teacher has practiced that conversation. I would be devastated if my child hated their body. Even when parents and communities are supportive, transgender and non-binary individuals often still experience a great deal of self-hatred and depression, no one wants their child to go through that. I am incredibly happy that the topic is becoming more mainstream, I think it helps a lot for people to be able to talk about their experiences and emotions when they are going through this, especially when they are going through their teenage years and developing. Puberty was hard enough without feeling like I was born the wrong gender. I had a ton of self hatred over my body even without my gender identity being questioned.
Bear_Panda_dear 6 years ago (edited)
Congratulations to Rain dove! I am so happy for them. Live the way you want to be!
Chess 6 years ago
Out of curiosity, why do you need a binder anyway if you're non-binary? If you're non-binary then why bother assume parts of the body as a gender when it doesn't have to be? Not saying people should stop binding since it's up to them, none of my business. Just curious.
Lauren Baker 6 years ago (edited)
As I nonbinary person, I personally like binding because I do not feel comfortable with my chest. It's a thing called gender dysphoria that a lot of trans people have - even nonbinary people. Binding can make us feel more comfortable with our body. Imagine you woke up with the body of a different sex (intersex/male/female) Imagine how you would feel. And everybody calls you by the gender most oftenly occuring with that sex. That's what it's like. It's just not... Us. Many AFAB (assigned female at birth) nonbinary people choose to bind, and some don't. Hope I could help you understand at least a bit. 🏳️🌈♥️✌️ Edited for grammar and spelling mistakes I found right after posting
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Carrie Lewis 5 years ago
This is literally awesome! We all want to be accepted. Hard enough just accepting yourself then wanting everyone else to go along with you is hard as well. I have lots of respect for Rain and the parent.
Danny Klopovic 6 years ago
The heading for this article should take a lesson from the sterling example of Rain Dove's compassion. Describing the parent as hateful could undo the very thing that Rain Dove is trying to do - put the wellbeing of the children first.
enby from hell 4 years ago
So well handled! I would never be able to deal with stuff this way. I'm too angry.
Kai the guy 5 years ago
For all the transphobes commenting on this post: If you think you're hurting my feelings, you're wrong, you're actually helping me. Whenever I'm feeling sad or annoyed with people and my family being rude about my gender, I go online and downvote transphobes. you're literally helping me feel good about myself. Anyone else do this? :)
Margaret Shannon 5 years ago
I'm stunned. That was AMAZING!!! How I wish I could talk with people so well.
pusheen buttercup 5 years ago
This person handled all this so much better than I could ever have... I wish I were that kind of person. The one who teaches kindly instead of feeling hurt and angry, even when others are hurt and angry... I'm so glad they were able to help each other!! And work together, for Sammy's sake
Incel Slayer 5 years ago
I highly recommend visiting Rain Dove's instagram for more unfiltered positivity, it is the most refreshing thing I've seen in so long. My favorite is the one where they wind up trading animal memes with a person who set out to attack them! So wholesome and so, so needed.
Louise Chiffonade Brescia 5 years ago
My favorite part of the entire read was her transformation. Amazing what a little guidance from a patient and informed person can accomplish. She went from absolute rejection of the idea of binding to leaving the door open for asking future questions. That's one kid who just might not need to live without a mother because she has reached a point of tolerance (is acceptance far behind?). It's a beautiful thing.
Rich McCormick 5 years ago
It was amazing to watch the progress of this mother from hateful to loving. I literally have tears in my eyes right now.
Dorothy Parker 5 years ago (edited)
Rain Dove was astounding in handling a parent lashing out in pain and confusion. Deep sobs here.
Jason Emmons 5 years ago
This person should be charged for murder cuz' I'm pretty sure they just killed that woman with kindness!
Vidyaranya School 5 years ago
This is brilliant. Being positive and supportive when people are angry and accusatory almost always calms them down. And makes them see the human being on the other side of the exchange rather than an adversary. Well done here!
doctor galloway 5 years ago
Maybe find a better word than "hateful" for the title line. How about upset? mad? hurt? scared? It's a nice interchange and a good story of growth and change.
Evripidou Maria 5 years ago
such a different encounter than what I expected. good for the person for not answering back angry and also good for the mother for calming down and listening
Cecile Charles 5 years ago
My only problem with this story is calling the parent hateful. That was used to cause harm to an actual caring parent. Lack of a larger viewpoint is not an example of hate and to use the term in the article is a form of bullying in itself. So, shame on Panda for using the very thing they say is being used against those who are learning their personal identities. It certainly does not advance an understanding at all now does it? It only undermines the love a parent has for a child even in those personal choices.
Mary Foust 5 years ago
I think that this person responding with such patience and understanding is what made this have such a great ending for everyone involved and it serves as a great lesson to all of us when we converse with each other. This is exactly what I hope for when I see conversations. Civility, patience, and understanding. I don't appreciate that Bored Panda referred to this parent as "hateful" though. Not even the person she was having this exchange with called her hateful. In fact what made it work out was that the person immediately understood that it was out of love and fear for her child that she reached out .
Thunder 6 years ago
He/She is so laid-back! I love the way he/she deals with it! I hope more people are like this
WillemPenn 5 years ago
For clarity, no one non-binary pronoun has become the definitive non-binary pronoun of the English language and so "He/She" is perfectly acceptable *if* that is the pronoun xe prefers. However Rain prefers the singular "they/them/themself" and so it is how we refer to them if we respect them. Other non-binary pronouns include, but are not limited to: genderpron...schart.jpg 
Pseudo Puppy 6 years ago
Rain Dove, is one of the most eloquent, intelligent, self-aware, informative, interesting people I've seen in a long time. There are interviews on youtube with Rain, about how they started in modelling, and how they ended up doing modelling for both male and female marketing. If anyone wants more information about the topic of gender identification etc, I highly recommend watching her interviews & ted talk on youtube.
Corina Alvarez Loeblich 6 years ago
Goosebumps. The way Rain turned all that anger and confusion. So mature! And also the mother, after being so out of her mind (and scared, I can get that), letting this person to reach her out. What a wonderful world we could have is we were just a little open to listen instead of replying and not taking every single thing as something personal!
Douglas Campbell 6 years ago
Thanks for demonstrating a way to communicate across an ideological divide through the common ground of love.
Marilyn Bojanowski 5 years ago
I love how this person was able to keep calm and explain lovingly instead of getting all butthurt and defensive. Based on the media, seems pretty rare. I think the world needs more of this attitude.
Kurt Wagner 5 years ago
This made me cry. I myself identify as genderfluid since a very early age. And yes for many people it is strange and so lot of my friends and colleagues now it, my parents don't. I'm still afraid of them not being understanding or worse. And I'm nearly 30 years old. I'm glad the Mum thought about it. It's great and the response of rain dove are great.
Fern Cornelius 5 years ago
Rain Dove is a beautiful and rare individual. The state of mind/consciousness is so amazing that gender is irrelevant. I'm more into the consciousness than the gender because conscious, compassionate, wise individuals are so rare. Thank you, Rain Dove for being who you are. You're an inspiration for all genders imho.
Chris DiFonso 5 years ago
Rain Dove, thank you for engaging the mother in a dialogue, listening, and offering advice on how the child can bind safely.
Friedlander Rosenzweig 5 years ago
My poor friends who are gone for so long are not forgotten, but alas the world is still really sucky. Better, but sucky.
R P 5 years ago
Wouldnt say this parent is HATEFUL. I would say Panicked or Uninformed. A hateful person wouldnt listen to reason. A lot of online exchanges could lead to this if people were more inclined to engage others peacefully and with patience. Rain Dove is a breath of fresh air. Someone using their platform to inform, and love others. Even if the other person's first impression is Anger
Kim Kermes 5 years ago
More asking and listening to why the child wants a binder. Some kids are frightened by their body changing. Has anyone told them they can't do something because girls don't do that? Is there bullying going on? Or worse, is there improper attention being paid to them?
Joshua Crooks 5 years ago
Getting some is binary. You get it or you don't get it. Genitals are binary. It is d**k or not d**k. Gender is binary.
Aidyn06 5 years ago
I'm not offended because of the way you said it. You didn't call anyone mentally ill, you said everything respectfully, and you acted like a good human being, which is something very few people do anymore when opinions differ. So, thank you, Shull, for your opinion. I wish more people on here *cough cough Ana J, Annie, and Iag* were respectful like you.
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Aidyn06 5 years ago
transsexual is when you get a surgical sex change or your sex changes somehow. Transgender is the term you are likely looking for. I am gay and trans. Not in denial.
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Aidyn06 5 years ago
Everyone has an opinion! But yours is wrong... we are literally not mentally ill. That's not something for you to decide. A doctor/ psychiatrist can decide that, but not good ol' Abinico Arts from boredpanda :)
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NCC~1701 5 years ago
Binders are stretchy and it is literally mentioned in the article that they have been approved by doctors
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Aidyn06 5 years ago
BRAYDEN SHUT UP I'M TIRED OF YOU GETTING ON THIS SITE. YOU LITERALLY SAID YOU WANT AS MANY DOWNVOTES AS POSSIBLE.
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Dilly Millandry 5 years ago
The image is false - it replaced the real angry mama image.
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PotatoNinja5000 6 years ago (edited)
Part of being a teenager is discovering who you are. Not feeling comfortable with your biologically-assigned sex is nothing new, but it just seems it because we are talking about it more. Yes there will be kids who try to be non-binary because it looks cool and 'woke', but showing the ones who actually would become depressed and suicidal over what they were born with that they are not alone helps them massively. If you are talking about sexuality, part of being a teenager is discovering who they like. Heck, even knowing that they are not a freak because they have two dads or moms is a helpful thing. I can agree that the more graphic ins-and-outs should be reserved for 13+ (or when and however sex ed is taught) , but for it to be 18+ won't help them at such a crucial age.
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WillemPenn 5 years ago
RTFA. Rain was not talking about hormone therapy. And as for your concerns about the safety of binders, again, RTFA.
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WillemPenn 5 years ago
RTFA before commenting. Rain addressed this issue.
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WillemPenn 5 years ago
As for what to think, I refer you to the guidance of Jesus who suggests thinking nothing of it lest one be judged. Matthew 7:1-5
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Beans 5 years ago
What? It's totally not the same thing as a razor blade-- binding isn't self harm, its for self acceptance. You seem confused but biologically female does not equal 'feminine' -- femininity is a social construct. Binding is totally a personal choice and a way to accept his/her/their body as they see fit. It's not for you to decide what a 'woman' is or what it entails. Let me put it another way. From your username you seem like a woman. I assume you do things like shave your legs/pits/bits and do other 'dysmorphic' things to modify your own body that are actually technically 'unnatural'-- women shaving is a recent things. They are 'feminine' things to do because thats the way current society sees it. Just like society had men wear heels and ruffs and flamboyant outfits in the past, and women wore bindings and corsets and in some cultures blackened their teeth. Pink didn't use to be for girls. We made this c**p up. We can unmake it.
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queen...<3 6 years ago
im assuming the profile pic was changed for privacy reasons to the mother.
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WillemPenn 6 years ago
Awe, bless your heart that you think private school will "avoid this c**p." I went to one of the best private day schools in the country and I still was and am a big ol' gender queer f*g - despite not knowing a single out person and having Neolithic notions of sexuality and gender roles shoved down my throat at every turn from K through 12. All private school did for me on that front was make me scared, ashamed, filled with self-loathing and suicidal. It will be sad when you lose your relationship with one of your kids over this. Or you simply lose one of your kids to suicide.
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WillemPenn 5 years ago
(1) It's not a problem for those of us who are gender nonconforming (2) It transcends time and culture. sexual-ori...istory.jpg 
WillemPenn 6 years ago
Well I guess you schooled me and from K through Pr.IV I didn't actually have those waking nightmares that somehow a penis must have been attached to me as an infant and my vagina had been ripped out, even though I didn't even know what a vagina was as a kindergartner but somehow knew it was missing, and was too terrified to talk to anyone about it. But yeah you've totally convinced me that, as a child I couldn't have had an opinion or comprehension of my gender identity, and I didn't really experience a daily fear of being discovered as not being a boy but just a girl with a penis and I didn't regularly pray to God for my penis to just shrivel and fall off like a scab. Thanks for cisplaining things to me, sensei.
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Data1001 6 years ago (edited)
Whatever your feelings about this particular story, I have such respect for people who are able to respond to vitriol and anger with compassion. I fear my response in such situations would be a knee-jerk defensive response, but I've seen several first-hand moments where fear and anger was diffused merely by the simple act of kindness and really listening to what the other person was going through, without making judgments.
Aidyn06 6 years ago
@lag why do you have to get in to this??? I'm thirteen and my whole life, I've hated who I am. Because I wasn't born in the right body. People like you are what makes life so painful for me. We don't try to make other people trans. But if someone is trans, we encourage them to be themselves. Your "if I don't comment, they will win" comment is bs. There is no war to win. Just the battle that homophobes force us into. This article was about acceptance and love and being yourself. But you turned it into a reason to try and "win". Let me give you some advice, hun, there's nothing to win, but even if there were, we sure would win because of imbeciles like you thinking they know everything opposed to smart, rational, caring people is hardly even fair. So, why don't you crawl back into your little hole and go preach to a wall. I'll bet that wall gives a hundred more sh*ts then I do. Than anyone does. You need to stop trying to change the lifestyles of people you've never met. -Aidyn
Pseudo Puppy 6 years ago
Aidyn, lag is what seems to be a new troll within this normally "live and let live" peaceful bunch of boredpandas Your eloquence, intelligence, insightfulness, and self-awareness is something to be admired - it shows a wonderful character. Please now that the *majority* of us, are totally ok with the life you want to live, because quite frankly, it's *your* life. Just as we don't want someone to dictate to us how we should live, we don't want to dictate to others. I hope you're surrounded by people who both respect and support you in your life journey. If not, please know that you have a tribe of us in here, from all around the world, that wish you only good things.
Load More Replies... Emily Joyce-Dial 6 years ago
Rain’s patience and compassion are incredible. This is so lovely and inspiring. ❤️
Stevie B 6 years ago
It's wonderful that Rain took the time to talk with the parent, calmly, especially with an emphasis on keeping the dialog open. Since parent didn't provide a reason child asked for a binder, there could be many reasons. Is could be as simple as developing earlier then peers, and wanting to fit it. Loving one's body as it is constantly changing, especially if others have not yet started such changes, is difficult, to say the least. Providing a safe place for child to communicate such feelings & ideas is paramount.
Monica Michelle 6 years ago
Thank you do much for posting this.i tend to default to snark when attacked. I will work on being better
Lilah Grogan 6 years ago
@lag I am a friend of Aidyn's. While I respect your opinion, I do think you should limit how much you share it. What I mean by that is please don't push it. People have the right to be whatever they would like to be, and I really think you should at least try to respect that. By the way: I completely disagree with you, and I hope you know that your responses to Aidyn and other people's comments were really quite childish. I doubt you have a Bachelor's Degree, and I doubt you speak three foreign languages. I would advise you to leave us alone. Thank you.
Aidyn06 6 years ago
I'm about to give up on you lag. I can only thank God you aren't my mother. By the way, I am a freshman and you misspelled my name, Miss Bachelor 's Degree. Maybe instead of being whorish to teenagers, you should go do something with your life. And may I ask what languages you speak? Anyways, I don't even have a phone. I am using a computer. I can only thank God that I am not the child of a miserable witch like you. Oh wow! It appears I have offended you! I shall do a thing so mature, that your mind can't even comprehend it! Instead of denying that I offended you, I will apologize! I'm sorry I offended you. But I do not take back anything I said. I have also noticed that you continuously forget to add spaces after punctuation, Miss Bachelor's Degree. Now, before you call me out for my mistakes, you must remember: I am but a "little kid" whom you can't take seriously. I think I'm done with you. I have a life to get back to.
Aidyn06 5 years ago
Annie, please don't tell me what to do. Maybe instead of telling me to stop getting into fights with adults, you should tell adults to stop fighting with a minor. I was not the one who threatened someone. I, in fact, was told to watch my back and that I'd be sorry. Threatening a minor, in fact, is illegal. Would you like me to send a link on that?
Load More Replies... Aidyn06 5 years ago
I just want to say thank you to everyone who has been so supportive of me. It means the world to me. And trolls, as I mentioned before, go talk to a wall. It gives a million more sh*ts than I do. I'm gonna do everything I can to change the world.
Staci Bettencourt 5 years ago
It’s crazy how smart you are Aidyn. Seriously mature wow! I’m a mom of a 10 year old and a 7 year old. I am blown away by how grown up you sound. God bless you sweet youngster. You need to pursue writing.
Load More Replies... Leo Domitrix 6 years ago
Body issues don't mean you want to be trans or whatever. You can just be really awkward about these things, as my late sister was, when her chest ougrew the rest of her for a few years. Something like bindings would have been a blessing to her --- but instead, she was teased, leered at, etc., and it was *awful*.
Kathy Baylis 6 years ago (edited)
I was 12 when it happened for me. I’m 59 now and remember it all very clearly. Boys that age have voices that aren’t at all discreet. Believe me, I heard every rude comment and they all hurt. Fast forward to adulthood, and dating men who I swear never knew what color my eyes are—-and dumping them once I realized it. It took years for me to be comfortable in my own skin. If I could’ve used a binder back then, I could’ve avoided a lot of misery.
Load More Replies... rean addy 6 years ago
i am a 49 year old male with 5 daughter adn my best mate of 33 years is pansexual, i love them all to bits, i pride myself on trying to do the right thing for them, i was tearing up reading this, this is what love and understanding is all about and listening too, bravo to Raindovemodel and the mother, communication is the key.
Bubble***tea 3 6 years ago
Iv got a question. What do ur kids call them? Iv always wondered. Also I am a pansexual myself!
Load More Replies... Parmeisan 6 years ago
To all the haters saying "stop shoving it in our face, I don't care what you identify as I just don't want to hear about it"... don't you realize it's you and people like you who are making it into a big deal? The vast majority of transgendered and nonbinary people just want to live their lives like anybody else, if you didn't make an issue of it then it wouldn't be an issue. Yes, sometimes there are news articles and television shows featuring humans who aren't like you. Goodness what a horrible experience that must be for you! But for the love of God, please just stop complaining so we can all move on.
Leigh Ann Poston 5 years ago
I totally agree... “The vast majority of transgendered and nonbinary people just want to live their lives like anybody else”. I think a vast majority of people who aren’t trans or non-binary in general just want to get on with their day too. It is the extremists, on both ends of the spectrum, that are the loudest and cause the drama.
Load More Replies... Aidyn06 6 years ago
and @lag? Do NOT call me a little kid. And you certainly can't tell me what offends me and what doesn't. YOU have no right to talk to me that way. I am a minor. I handled this in the most respectful way I could. You will greatly regret this.
K. Blanchette 6 years ago
Don't feel the trolls. They have nothing better to do than stir the pot on the internet and hide behind a username. I support you tho <3
Load More Replies... respulero 6 years ago
as Rain says "i am i". Period. Accept yourself as you are and the others as they are. And this is too for those "i wanna be X" who claims for others acceptance when they cant accept theyselves how they are
PotatoNinja5000 6 years ago
@Iag You're referring to the ones who do "want to be in the spotlight", or those who are just popular. Not every non-binary has a large online following, and so you aren't seeing them. So the question is, why do you think that they should be blacklisted from the internet? Would you say the same to a fully male or female? Because quite a few of those also "want the spotlight", whilst promoting actually harmful things (extreme sports, detox teas, exploring dangerous places, etc). If that isn't the same for you and you just don't like anyone who isn't straight and/or binary, that's called homophobia. However just by clicking on these articles, you are taking your first steps towards learning more about the people that you hate. With time, hopefully you can just accept people for what they are (without making a fool of yourself online).
Load More Replies... Aidyn06 5 years ago
I've said it before and I'll say it again, y'all: Thank you so much to everyone who has been there for me while the trolls attack me for something I can't help. When I said I am gonna change the world, I meant it. I'm starting a charity in Nashville, to help kids who can't get the support they need from their families. One day I hope everyone here will hear the name Aidyn Fisher and think something good of it. I want people to think, 100 years from now, and say "He is why kids can be themselves". I would do anything to give everyone the support they need. This is a start. Thanks so much everyone. -Aidyn Patrikk Fisher :)
Lucas 5 years ago
Aidyn, looks like Annie got kicked off. All her comments have vanished.
Load More Replies... Quintessence 5 years ago (edited)
Ana J, your profile reads "Bored Panda can be such an uplifting place. 😃" The irony is sickening. Edit: Ana J, in response to your question "Care to elaborate?", I think you misread me. I found it ironic that you had such a happy profile and were spreading so much hate all over this thread. Literally everything even remotely LGBTQ on this, you completely rip apart and criticize them for who they are or what they believe. That's the exact opposite of uplifting. Edit #2: Ana J, your response below has so many fallacies I don't even know where to begin. You clearly have very strong opinions. I'm not going to answer those questions, because it would only lead to a million new arguments and I don't have time for that. I will say this though: the purpose of this article was to be uplifting. Your profile is uplifting. And yet you launch into all sorts of major controversies that don't belong here. I don't want to argue with you. A level of criticism and reasonable debate is good for society and helps us to learn and grow. But you're bringing so much hate and criticism it's just making people angry and hurt. There comes a time when it's a good idea to keep your opinions to yourself.
Aidyn06 5 years ago
Oh Ana J, I am downvoting myself! Why? Because you bet money. It's in writing. I want the money.
Load More Replies... Paige Borak 5 years ago
Is there a way to report comments/commenters for harassment and hate speech on this site? It's getting nasty in here, and it's not helpful to any other queer people just looking up a kickass nonbinary model.
Chris Jones 5 years ago (edited)
Click on 'contact' and you should see the option to 'Report Post'. I completely agree with you - there is one indivdual making it very personal and that's not on. EDIT: Oh No, Aidyn - I stand WITH you. Sorry, I was supposed to be sleeping and not on BP at the time. Sorry I wasn't clear. 100% with you.
Load More Replies... Janet Foushee 6 years ago
Beautiful & compassionate response to the mother from Rain. We need more Rain ! ! !
Jana Renner 6 years ago
Dove uses incredible methods and I really adore the way putting them to good use!
Fern Cornelius 6 years ago
Rain's state of mind and way of communicating have always impressed me. Amazing human!
Aidyn06 5 years ago
Can people stop insulting my parents, please? I have the most amazing parents I could ask for. My parents aren't on this site and none of you know them, so you have no right to insult them. I will stand up for what I believe in. You can not assume that they are bad people just because they don't like me. I didn't know what the word trans meant until seventh grade. In fifth grade, though, I was diagnosed with depression. I hated myself. I started to transition before I even knew what trans meant. Once I googled the definition, as I'd heard the word thrown around, it made far more sense and I knew who I was. Now, before I get backlash for "throwing around my problems", I don't want sympathy. I want people to understand and stop insulting my amazing parents.
Ellen Little 5 years ago
I don’t think I could ever have the patience to respond so kindly and thoughtfully. This brought tears to my eyes as I read it. I have a ton of respect for Rain.
Inga Turner 6 years ago
They are right about people with large breasts too. I wish I'd known about binders before I wound up having what turned out to be a badly done breast reduction surgery.
deanna woods 6 years ago
I love the way Rain handled the exchange with this parent. If more people were this calm and compassionate the world would be a better place.
meme lord 6 years ago
to people reading the comments, i am sorry for what is going on on the downvoted comments below, some people are against trans people and that is okay if you are but if you want to say what your views are please don't say that trans people are bad or brainwashed they are not they sometimes feel uncomfortable about how they are and how they look sometimes, it is ok if you don't support it but please don't bash the article and/or trans people or groups
Quintessence 5 years ago
It is so nice to hear this story, how they helped her instead of coming back with hate... that was so heartwarming. I'm sad to read this comment thread and see it filled with arguments and insults... I'm not LGBTQ so I won't try to define it, but for all of you who are against it, I just want to let you know that some of the most incredible people I've ever met have been pan, trans, and gay. They were themselves, and I am honored to know them. After going through so much hate and internal struggles on their path to coming out, now they finally actually feel like themselves. That's who they're supposed to be, and I love them for it. I wish the rest of the world could see them and understand. Also... please don't respond if you have hate for them, or anyone else. I just wanted you all to know that. You can use bad names or whatever you want, just use them on me, not them.
Briana Russell 6 years ago
God these comments are full of such hate? why are people fighting?- Why is everyone upset? if people just kept what they think to themselves there would be no issue. Adult or kid a lot of people in these comments are just full out disrespectful? Why start fights with children over an opposing opinion? Child or not most people here are immature. 20's or teens.
Viviane Katz 6 years ago
Just a heads up -- Iag is a troll: "Bored panda sucks, it’s full of gay s**t, feminist s**t, follow the herd and jump of a cliff s**t, virtue signaling and political correctness s**t, s****y stupid people in general i only come here to annoy the sheeple, that gives me great pleasure🤣🤣!And boy are they easily annoyed!"
Load More Replies... Everybody Say love! 5 years ago
For all those throwing around the 'Biology' argument, this is an interesting read: https://www.nature.com/articles/518288a Biologist are now admitting that "The idea of two sexes is simplistic. Biologists now think there is a wider spectrum than that" https://www.nature.com/articles/518288a . Science is forever changing, theories constantly disproved, it has a name 'Superseded Theories' and Biology is no different, from Spontaneous Generation to Maternal Impression. If we dug our heels in every time there is a shift in the status quo, things may have turned out to be very different.
Steve Cruz 5 years ago
This is very moving. Many young people want to EXPLORE. Rain Dove's gentle, kind, thoughtful responses seem to have helped a fearful parent discover their own care and understanding.
Melody Norris 5 years ago
I truly wish I had Dove's ability to respond to hate with love. I often hate myself because I react in anger when people hurt me or my family. It is horrible how I literally feel the rage well up inside of me when someone is being hurtful. I feel it overtake me and things spill out of my mouth that I would never say normally. My only concern with Dove is this.....what the heck is on that plate?? It looks really really gross!! LOL!! God bless Dove.
WillemPenn 5 years ago
Melody -- my experience has been the more I don't like an ingrained trait of mine and try to fix it, the stronger it becomes. I now practice awareness which leads to acceptance which leads to action ... and things get better. But if I try to force this process or skip any of it so I can have relief, things get messy. It has not been a quick process for me but it works. I applaud you for being honest about your feelings and how you react. Keep sharing your feelings with a trusted advisor and as you continue to observe, without judgment, why you respond the way you do, you will develop the ability to engage as an actor rather reactor in the situation.
Load More Replies... Misty Suarez-Forehand 6 years ago
This is awesome. Thank you for being such a great human and giving helpful info. Will be looking into this for my daughter. Much love
Incel Slayer 6 years ago
Oh my goodness, I love this person. If only more people could respond to vitriol with such dignity and compassion and turn what could have been an ugly, hurtful experience for both into an important dialogue. They are an example of exactly what we need more of in this world and if you can't see past their gender then you're missing out on a wonderful human being.
Quintessence 5 years ago
Aidyn06, I'm so sorry that you're getting this much hate. Never stop standing up for what you believe in. I can't even imagine what I would do in your situation. I'm not LGBTQ myself, but I support you all and the way that you're handling this is amazing.
Aidyn06 5 years ago
Thanks @Quintessence. I'd rather fight for a good cause with only a few supporters than give up without making an impact.
Load More Replies... Debra Robinson 6 years ago
wow-lag only succeeded in getting ripped multiple new ones lol-plus desired downvotes
Misty Corrales 5 years ago
Rain is my hero. I love how Rain heard the fear behind the message and responded with love. That was so crucial and beautiful. I do hate the headline here though. The mother was not hateful. She was scared. She was operating without the information and understanding that she needed. And when she was met with compassion, she responded with the same and entered into a discussion that allowed her to get the true information she needed. She wanted the best for her Sammy, and what she was angry and upset about was feeling like her child had been made to feel 'less than'. To her, her Sammy was perfect and beautiful and how dare anyone make her Sammy feel less than that! That's not hate. That's a Mother coming in fierce to protect her child. And what Rain did was beautiful, because that conversation helped Sammy's mom find the best way to do that. Please let's not call Sammy's mom hateful.
Steve Cruz 5 years ago
What a kind, generous, thoughtful exchange in this world of "Cancel Culture." Dove truly brings PEACE.
Matt 5 years ago
Beautiful interaction, but I think it's a shame Bored Panda had to clickbait the headline with 'hateful parent'. It kind of goes against the whole spirit of the piece. While the parent was aggressive to start with, the reaction she received was so kind and compassionate that she began to respond in the same way. This isn't hateful behaviour at all, and the parent deserves more respect for being open enogh to change her opinion during the conversation, instead of simply being labelled 'hateful' in the title to get a few more clicks.
Leigh Ann Poston 5 years ago
Dove handled this situation with grace and compassion is also GORGEOUS is both pictures and there seems to be a plate of chocolate something.... so much wonderful!!
Lennette Randall 5 years ago
The title of this article is biased and misleading. Upset parent yes, angry parent maybe but hateful parent? Really? If one thing this conversation shows is a loving parent concerned about their child. We really have to be mindful of the narratives we propagate.
Jessica Hemesath 5 years ago
I have a metaphor to assist with understanding this issue. My goal with this is to help others understand each other’s different viewpoints. It’s really important not to dismiss other people’s opinions because they are different from your own. Here’s my metaphor: Let’s say you want to ride a bike in an urban area of the United States. Where I live in the Midwest, a lot of people find it unsafe and do not feel comfortable doing so. Most people drive and conform to social pressure. Others only do it leasurely away from busy roads. Others challenge the structure of the city not including cyclists and ride anyways. Some of these people do so by being comfortably themselves (the brave ones) - others go in groups or wear really flashy clothing to aid in feeling more safe on the road with traffic. My point is, there’s a lot of ways we deal with societies oppression towards our desired ways to live. I chose cycling as an example I think any person may relate to. Thanks for reading
Brandy Grote 6 years ago
I cry. Rain used great words to help that parent love their baby better!
Seth Berkowitz 5 years ago
What a lovely exchange. Shows how love and compassion can overcome intolerance and bring out love that was always there. Makes me wonder why Bored Panda chose to call the parent hateful when by the end of the exchange they had reached some common ground. The need for love and tolerance goes both ways.
Kim Lorton 5 years ago
Rain Dove, you are a truly remarkable and amazing human being! Your are the expression of love here on this earth. Thank you for being you!
Herb Coleman 5 years ago
I need to learn this tactic of response. They were patient and complementary rather than reactionary and argumentative. In the end, they got their point across and the mother listened and gained understanding. We could all learn from this.
Sarah Dalley 5 years ago
I would just like to say, im a female - born female, identify as female. but when i grew boobs, i was a tom boy and absolutely mortified that i was getting boobs, i was in denial and convinced only girly girls would get periods and boobs and i was different. I use to tape my boobs down because i was ashamed of them. just because someone asks for flat chest does not mean they identify as a boy either, people do things in their own time and own way. i feel like now if i had these same feelings i would be confused that maybe i identified as a boy! let kids experiment, stopping them from doing something or saying they are something because they do X is a slippery slop to confusion for the poor young ones. i love this conversation and the positivity and confort this sweet person gave a very worried mother! but just because she/he would like a binding strap does not mean they instantly identify as 'he'.
Clinton Yew 5 years ago
I can't seems to find who is this @lag person... is his comments all removed or he changed username?
Jennifer St. Jude 5 years ago
I am so impressed by Rain Doves ability to respond with compassion and respect. That must have been hard in the face of such anger. But wow how that conversation turned around was amazing. I’m speechless. Way to go Rain!!! (((Hug))) ❤️
Jacqueline Davis 5 years ago
I like the fact that Rain was able to see the good in the mother, even though she was angry and accusatory. Discovering that a close relative is trans can really throw you for a loop, especially if you're older. But Rain could see that mother really did care about her daughter, but was ignorant and disoriented, not a bad person. Very nice.
Brian Wood 5 years ago
This is exactly the attitude we expect in our politicians. Address the issue not the attitude. Good for you, I hope you have the opportunity to pass on your skills - making a better world.
Liam Walsh 5 years ago
I'd say it's the attitude we would like in our politicians rather than expect.
Load More Replies... Ivana 6 years ago
That teacher has practiced that conversation. I would be devastated if my child hated their body. Even when parents and communities are supportive, transgender and non-binary individuals often still experience a great deal of self-hatred and depression, no one wants their child to go through that. I am incredibly happy that the topic is becoming more mainstream, I think it helps a lot for people to be able to talk about their experiences and emotions when they are going through this, especially when they are going through their teenage years and developing. Puberty was hard enough without feeling like I was born the wrong gender. I had a ton of self hatred over my body even without my gender identity being questioned.
Bear_Panda_dear 6 years ago (edited)
Congratulations to Rain dove! I am so happy for them. Live the way you want to be!
Chess 6 years ago
Out of curiosity, why do you need a binder anyway if you're non-binary? If you're non-binary then why bother assume parts of the body as a gender when it doesn't have to be? Not saying people should stop binding since it's up to them, none of my business. Just curious.
Lauren Baker 6 years ago (edited)
As I nonbinary person, I personally like binding because I do not feel comfortable with my chest. It's a thing called gender dysphoria that a lot of trans people have - even nonbinary people. Binding can make us feel more comfortable with our body. Imagine you woke up with the body of a different sex (intersex/male/female) Imagine how you would feel. And everybody calls you by the gender most oftenly occuring with that sex. That's what it's like. It's just not... Us. Many AFAB (assigned female at birth) nonbinary people choose to bind, and some don't. Hope I could help you understand at least a bit. 🏳️🌈♥️✌️ Edited for grammar and spelling mistakes I found right after posting
Load More Replies... Carrie Lewis 5 years ago
This is literally awesome! We all want to be accepted. Hard enough just accepting yourself then wanting everyone else to go along with you is hard as well. I have lots of respect for Rain and the parent.
Danny Klopovic 6 years ago
The heading for this article should take a lesson from the sterling example of Rain Dove's compassion. Describing the parent as hateful could undo the very thing that Rain Dove is trying to do - put the wellbeing of the children first.
enby from hell 4 years ago
So well handled! I would never be able to deal with stuff this way. I'm too angry.
Kai the guy 5 years ago
For all the transphobes commenting on this post: If you think you're hurting my feelings, you're wrong, you're actually helping me. Whenever I'm feeling sad or annoyed with people and my family being rude about my gender, I go online and downvote transphobes. you're literally helping me feel good about myself. Anyone else do this? :)
Margaret Shannon 5 years ago
I'm stunned. That was AMAZING!!! How I wish I could talk with people so well.
pusheen buttercup 5 years ago
This person handled all this so much better than I could ever have... I wish I were that kind of person. The one who teaches kindly instead of feeling hurt and angry, even when others are hurt and angry... I'm so glad they were able to help each other!! And work together, for Sammy's sake
Incel Slayer 5 years ago
I highly recommend visiting Rain Dove's instagram for more unfiltered positivity, it is the most refreshing thing I've seen in so long. My favorite is the one where they wind up trading animal memes with a person who set out to attack them! So wholesome and so, so needed.
Louise Chiffonade Brescia 5 years ago
My favorite part of the entire read was her transformation. Amazing what a little guidance from a patient and informed person can accomplish. She went from absolute rejection of the idea of binding to leaving the door open for asking future questions. That's one kid who just might not need to live without a mother because she has reached a point of tolerance (is acceptance far behind?). It's a beautiful thing.
Rich McCormick 5 years ago
It was amazing to watch the progress of this mother from hateful to loving. I literally have tears in my eyes right now.
Dorothy Parker 5 years ago (edited)
Rain Dove was astounding in handling a parent lashing out in pain and confusion. Deep sobs here.
Jason Emmons 5 years ago
This person should be charged for murder cuz' I'm pretty sure they just killed that woman with kindness!
Vidyaranya School 5 years ago
This is brilliant. Being positive and supportive when people are angry and accusatory almost always calms them down. And makes them see the human being on the other side of the exchange rather than an adversary. Well done here!
doctor galloway 5 years ago
Maybe find a better word than "hateful" for the title line. How about upset? mad? hurt? scared? It's a nice interchange and a good story of growth and change.
Evripidou Maria 5 years ago
such a different encounter than what I expected. good for the person for not answering back angry and also good for the mother for calming down and listening
Cecile Charles 5 years ago
My only problem with this story is calling the parent hateful. That was used to cause harm to an actual caring parent. Lack of a larger viewpoint is not an example of hate and to use the term in the article is a form of bullying in itself. So, shame on Panda for using the very thing they say is being used against those who are learning their personal identities. It certainly does not advance an understanding at all now does it? It only undermines the love a parent has for a child even in those personal choices.
Mary Foust 5 years ago
I think that this person responding with such patience and understanding is what made this have such a great ending for everyone involved and it serves as a great lesson to all of us when we converse with each other. This is exactly what I hope for when I see conversations. Civility, patience, and understanding. I don't appreciate that Bored Panda referred to this parent as "hateful" though. Not even the person she was having this exchange with called her hateful. In fact what made it work out was that the person immediately understood that it was out of love and fear for her child that she reached out .
Thunder 6 years ago
He/She is so laid-back! I love the way he/she deals with it! I hope more people are like this
WillemPenn 5 years ago
For clarity, no one non-binary pronoun has become the definitive non-binary pronoun of the English language and so "He/She" is perfectly acceptable *if* that is the pronoun xe prefers. However Rain prefers the singular "they/them/themself" and so it is how we refer to them if we respect them. Other non-binary pronouns include, but are not limited to: genderpron...schart.jpg
Pseudo Puppy 6 years ago
Rain Dove, is one of the most eloquent, intelligent, self-aware, informative, interesting people I've seen in a long time. There are interviews on youtube with Rain, about how they started in modelling, and how they ended up doing modelling for both male and female marketing. If anyone wants more information about the topic of gender identification etc, I highly recommend watching her interviews & ted talk on youtube.
Corina Alvarez Loeblich 6 years ago
Goosebumps. The way Rain turned all that anger and confusion. So mature! And also the mother, after being so out of her mind (and scared, I can get that), letting this person to reach her out. What a wonderful world we could have is we were just a little open to listen instead of replying and not taking every single thing as something personal!
Douglas Campbell 6 years ago
Thanks for demonstrating a way to communicate across an ideological divide through the common ground of love.
Marilyn Bojanowski 5 years ago
I love how this person was able to keep calm and explain lovingly instead of getting all butthurt and defensive. Based on the media, seems pretty rare. I think the world needs more of this attitude.
Kurt Wagner 5 years ago
This made me cry. I myself identify as genderfluid since a very early age. And yes for many people it is strange and so lot of my friends and colleagues now it, my parents don't. I'm still afraid of them not being understanding or worse. And I'm nearly 30 years old. I'm glad the Mum thought about it. It's great and the response of rain dove are great.
Fern Cornelius 5 years ago
Rain Dove is a beautiful and rare individual. The state of mind/consciousness is so amazing that gender is irrelevant. I'm more into the consciousness than the gender because conscious, compassionate, wise individuals are so rare. Thank you, Rain Dove for being who you are. You're an inspiration for all genders imho.
Chris DiFonso 5 years ago
Rain Dove, thank you for engaging the mother in a dialogue, listening, and offering advice on how the child can bind safely.
Friedlander Rosenzweig 5 years ago
My poor friends who are gone for so long are not forgotten, but alas the world is still really sucky. Better, but sucky.
R P 5 years ago
Wouldnt say this parent is HATEFUL. I would say Panicked or Uninformed. A hateful person wouldnt listen to reason. A lot of online exchanges could lead to this if people were more inclined to engage others peacefully and with patience. Rain Dove is a breath of fresh air. Someone using their platform to inform, and love others. Even if the other person's first impression is Anger
Kim Kermes 5 years ago
More asking and listening to why the child wants a binder. Some kids are frightened by their body changing. Has anyone told them they can't do something because girls don't do that? Is there bullying going on? Or worse, is there improper attention being paid to them?
Joshua Crooks 5 years ago
Getting some is binary. You get it or you don't get it. Genitals are binary. It is d**k or not d**k. Gender is binary.
Aidyn06 5 years ago
I'm not offended because of the way you said it. You didn't call anyone mentally ill, you said everything respectfully, and you acted like a good human being, which is something very few people do anymore when opinions differ. So, thank you, Shull, for your opinion. I wish more people on here *cough cough Ana J, Annie, and Iag* were respectful like you.
Load More Replies... Aidyn06 5 years ago
transsexual is when you get a surgical sex change or your sex changes somehow. Transgender is the term you are likely looking for. I am gay and trans. Not in denial.
Load More Replies... Aidyn06 5 years ago
Everyone has an opinion! But yours is wrong... we are literally not mentally ill. That's not something for you to decide. A doctor/ psychiatrist can decide that, but not good ol' Abinico Arts from boredpanda :)
Load More Replies... NCC~1701 5 years ago
Binders are stretchy and it is literally mentioned in the article that they have been approved by doctors
Load More Replies... Aidyn06 5 years ago
BRAYDEN SHUT UP I'M TIRED OF YOU GETTING ON THIS SITE. YOU LITERALLY SAID YOU WANT AS MANY DOWNVOTES AS POSSIBLE.
Load More Replies... Dilly Millandry 5 years ago
The image is false - it replaced the real angry mama image.
Load More Replies... PotatoNinja5000 6 years ago (edited)
Part of being a teenager is discovering who you are. Not feeling comfortable with your biologically-assigned sex is nothing new, but it just seems it because we are talking about it more. Yes there will be kids who try to be non-binary because it looks cool and 'woke', but showing the ones who actually would become depressed and suicidal over what they were born with that they are not alone helps them massively. If you are talking about sexuality, part of being a teenager is discovering who they like. Heck, even knowing that they are not a freak because they have two dads or moms is a helpful thing. I can agree that the more graphic ins-and-outs should be reserved for 13+ (or when and however sex ed is taught) , but for it to be 18+ won't help them at such a crucial age.
Load More Replies... WillemPenn 5 years ago
RTFA. Rain was not talking about hormone therapy. And as for your concerns about the safety of binders, again, RTFA.
Load More Replies... WillemPenn 5 years ago
RTFA before commenting. Rain addressed this issue.
Load More Replies... WillemPenn 5 years ago
As for what to think, I refer you to the guidance of Jesus who suggests thinking nothing of it lest one be judged. Matthew 7:1-5
Load More Replies... Beans 5 years ago
What? It's totally not the same thing as a razor blade-- binding isn't self harm, its for self acceptance. You seem confused but biologically female does not equal 'feminine' -- femininity is a social construct. Binding is totally a personal choice and a way to accept his/her/their body as they see fit. It's not for you to decide what a 'woman' is or what it entails. Let me put it another way. From your username you seem like a woman. I assume you do things like shave your legs/pits/bits and do other 'dysmorphic' things to modify your own body that are actually technically 'unnatural'-- women shaving is a recent things. They are 'feminine' things to do because thats the way current society sees it. Just like society had men wear heels and ruffs and flamboyant outfits in the past, and women wore bindings and corsets and in some cultures blackened their teeth. Pink didn't use to be for girls. We made this c**p up. We can unmake it.
Load More Replies... queen...<3 6 years ago
im assuming the profile pic was changed for privacy reasons to the mother.
Load More Replies... WillemPenn 6 years ago
Awe, bless your heart that you think private school will "avoid this c**p." I went to one of the best private day schools in the country and I still was and am a big ol' gender queer f*g - despite not knowing a single out person and having Neolithic notions of sexuality and gender roles shoved down my throat at every turn from K through 12. All private school did for me on that front was make me scared, ashamed, filled with self-loathing and suicidal. It will be sad when you lose your relationship with one of your kids over this. Or you simply lose one of your kids to suicide.
Load More Replies... WillemPenn 5 years ago
(1) It's not a problem for those of us who are gender nonconforming (2) It transcends time and culture. sexual-ori...istory.jpg
WillemPenn 6 years ago
Well I guess you schooled me and from K through Pr.IV I didn't actually have those waking nightmares that somehow a penis must have been attached to me as an infant and my vagina had been ripped out, even though I didn't even know what a vagina was as a kindergartner but somehow knew it was missing, and was too terrified to talk to anyone about it. But yeah you've totally convinced me that, as a child I couldn't have had an opinion or comprehension of my gender identity, and I didn't really experience a daily fear of being discovered as not being a boy but just a girl with a penis and I didn't regularly pray to God for my penis to just shrivel and fall off like a scab. Thanks for cisplaining things to me, sensei.
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