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Man’s Life Turns Upside Down After MIL Decides Her Granddaughter Is Old Enough To Learn The Family Secret
Woman angrily confronting man in hallway, illustrating mil-gossips daughter about mother cheating on father theme.

Man’s Life Turns Upside Down After MIL Decides Her Granddaughter Is Old Enough To Learn The Family Secret

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The truth is bound to come out. It might take a while, but sooner or later, people find out what’s been hidden from them—and often at the worst possible moment for the schemers.

This story is about a husband and wife who kept their affair a secret from their daughter for a decade in hopes of preserving the family. However, the teen’s grandma decided she was old enough to know and told the girl her version of what had happened.

The teenager couldn’t stay quiet and confronted both of her parents—one for being too egotistical and the other for not doing anything about it.

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    This couple thought they had put the wife’s infidelity behind them

    Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection (Not the actual photo)

    But after their teenage daughter learned the truth, the entire family was once again plunged into conflict

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    Image credits: wavebreakmedia_micro (Not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: Throwaway28471937

    The teenager’s reaction doesn’t sound unnatural

    Studies suggest that affairs are both a cause and a consequence of difficulties in a partnership, including hostile conflicts, and some experts think that affairs may sometimes also serve as a “mechanism” to avoid open conflict, especially if the spouses themselves grew up in an environment where emotional honesty was discouraged.

    Either way, it’s difficult to blame the daughter for her reaction to the news, as children and adolescents often respond to their parents’ affairs with self-blame, sadness, confusion, and fear, says psychotherapist Fiona Yassin, founder and clinical director of The Wave Clinic, a residential mental health facility in Southeast Asia that focuses on helping teenagers and young adults.

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    Even if they try to downplay it, the impact of such a situation is just too significant.

    “According to family systems theory, families work as a system where the well-being and behaviors of each family member affect every other member and the system as a whole,” Yassin explains. “This means that conflict in parents’ relationships also affects parent-child relationships and the family’s dynamics. Young people may start to play inappropriate and harmful roles in the family.”

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    “For children who are almost entirely dependent upon their parents, disruptions in the family system may be understood as a threat to their safety and even survival,” Yassin adds. “This may lead to intense distress.”

    It’s also normal that the girl went after her mom. “Adolescents are … more likely to hold one parent responsible for the affair. This can change the loyalties and dynamics within the family system,” the psychotherapist says.

    “In some cases, adolescents may take on a caring or supportive role for parents who [they perceive] are hurt or harmed. This can lead to parentification and parent-child role reversal, creating burdens and responsibilities that are inappropriate for their developmental age.”

    Image credits: freepik (Not the actual photo)

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    As reactions kept pouring in, the dad engaged with people in the comments

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    A year after sharing his story, the man returned with an update

    Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection (Not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: freepik (Not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: Throwaway28471937

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    Many relationships, like this one, don’t end immediately after one partner cheats on the other

    According to one large YouGov self-reported survey, having been cheated on is apparently more common than having cheated—even though not everyone who has been cheated on knows it.

    One-third (33%) of respondents who have been in a monogamous relationship admitted to cheating—either physically, emotionally, or both. However, when asked about their experiences of being cheated on, more than half (54%) claimed to have been victims—either physically, emotionally, or both.

    And whatever you might think of the husband’s reaction to his wife’s infidelity, many in his position try to preserve the relationship.

    When asked if they had ever broken up with someone who cheated on them, three in four (75%) YouGov respondents who had been in that position said they had, while one in five (21%) said they had never broken up with a partner who cheated. Plus, more than one-third (39%) of those who broke up with a cheater say they eventually got back together with them.

    Interestingly, half (52%) of respondents who were cheated on said that it was actually that partner who eventually broke up with them. So, in that sense, the ending of this particular story is fairly common, too.

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    Image credits: rawpixel.com (Not the actual photo)

    People praised the daughter for facing the family’s problems head-on

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    Poll Question

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    Rokas Laurinavičius

    Rokas Laurinavičius

    Writer, Senior Writer

    Read more »

    Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.

    Read less »
    Rokas Laurinavičius

    Rokas Laurinavičius

    Writer, Senior Writer

    Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.

    Justinas Keturka

    Justinas Keturka

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    I'm the Visual Editor at Bored Panda, responsible for ensuring that everything our audience sees is top-notch and well-researched. What I love most about my job? Discovering new things about the world and immersing myself in exceptional photography and art.

    Read less »

    Justinas Keturka

    Justinas Keturka

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    I'm the Visual Editor at Bored Panda, responsible for ensuring that everything our audience sees is top-notch and well-researched. What I love most about my job? Discovering new things about the world and immersing myself in exceptional photography and art.

    What do you think ?
    JayWantsACat
    Community Member
    2 hours ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It always makes me sad when people dismiss small red flags as 'trivial'. Sure, if it's a one or two time thing. But constant small issues popping up isn't 'trivial', obviously. Constantly being yelled at about small little things IS THE ISSUE. That collective group of small issues is the symptom of the large issues.

    FreeTheUnicorn
    Community Member
    7 hours ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is a wild reaction from the daughter. Also crazy that the parents didn't say, mind your business, it's not your relationship. Why make it a big deal? Even if you're still upset, in front of her shrug it off and say we're past it. Why feed the fire? Because there is definitely something else going on to get anyone this worked up about an affair yen years previous in someone else's relationship. Maybe she just wanted a reason to go off on her mom and hopefully cause maximum distress. Maybe she was just in a rage and this was the easiest thing to blame, but there's no way this is actually affecting her life. What example are you setting for your kid to flip out like this?

    Binky Melnik
    Community Member
    5 minutes ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Having read every word of this, I’ve finally arrived at a point where I believe the daughter was simply sick of seeing her dad cowed and a****d by her mother, and learning of the affair was the tipping point. Dad was apparently a spineless jellyfish, and daughter couldn’t watch it anymore and so tried to get dad to have some self-respect. In the end, I actually appreciated the daughter, where before I’d felt the affair was none of her business and she had no right to be angry about it. (And I think grandma was an absolute witch for telling daughter something that was none of her business.) (I was nearly SIXTY before *I* got to learn the family secrets! I admit I’m a little jealous she got to find out so young, but at least she was able to be helpful and useful to her dad.) Mom was obviously setting a REALLY bad example for the daughter; at least daughter now knows what the of person she doesn’t want to be!

    Load More Replies...
    Lee Gilliland
    Community Member
    Premium
    23 minutes ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have absolutely no doubt MIL set this up and watched it blow up with quiet satisfaction.

    Load More Comments
    JayWantsACat
    Community Member
    2 hours ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It always makes me sad when people dismiss small red flags as 'trivial'. Sure, if it's a one or two time thing. But constant small issues popping up isn't 'trivial', obviously. Constantly being yelled at about small little things IS THE ISSUE. That collective group of small issues is the symptom of the large issues.

    FreeTheUnicorn
    Community Member
    7 hours ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is a wild reaction from the daughter. Also crazy that the parents didn't say, mind your business, it's not your relationship. Why make it a big deal? Even if you're still upset, in front of her shrug it off and say we're past it. Why feed the fire? Because there is definitely something else going on to get anyone this worked up about an affair yen years previous in someone else's relationship. Maybe she just wanted a reason to go off on her mom and hopefully cause maximum distress. Maybe she was just in a rage and this was the easiest thing to blame, but there's no way this is actually affecting her life. What example are you setting for your kid to flip out like this?

    Binky Melnik
    Community Member
    5 minutes ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Having read every word of this, I’ve finally arrived at a point where I believe the daughter was simply sick of seeing her dad cowed and a****d by her mother, and learning of the affair was the tipping point. Dad was apparently a spineless jellyfish, and daughter couldn’t watch it anymore and so tried to get dad to have some self-respect. In the end, I actually appreciated the daughter, where before I’d felt the affair was none of her business and she had no right to be angry about it. (And I think grandma was an absolute witch for telling daughter something that was none of her business.) (I was nearly SIXTY before *I* got to learn the family secrets! I admit I’m a little jealous she got to find out so young, but at least she was able to be helpful and useful to her dad.) Mom was obviously setting a REALLY bad example for the daughter; at least daughter now knows what the of person she doesn’t want to be!

    Load More Replies...
    Lee Gilliland
    Community Member
    Premium
    23 minutes ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have absolutely no doubt MIL set this up and watched it blow up with quiet satisfaction.

    Load More Comments
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