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42 Single Male Behaviors That Destroy Any Hope For Romance, According To These Women
Nobody’s ‘perfect’ and everyone makes mistakes from time to time—especially when it comes to something as sensitive as dating. But some behaviors are so bad that they destroy any chance at romance. While some things sound like common-sense stuff to avoid doing, unfortunately, common sense is in fairly short supply these days.
In a brutally honest and insightful AskReddit thread, the women of the internet shared the things that—in their opinion—are the biggest mistakes that single men make when they’re trying to show they’re romantically interested in you. Clinginess, negging, jealousy, lying, and thinking that being nice is a personality trait are just the tip of the iceberg. Keep scrolling to find out what to focus your personal growth on and what to avoid doing if you want to leave a decent impression.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Not understanding the constraints that women face around safety. I was listening to a man talk about how frustrated he was that he wanted to pick up a first date in his car and she wanted to meet him at the restaurant.
It's because she doesn't want to be trapped with you if you end up wanting to hurt her. She wants to have an escape. Some guys literally try to m**der their dates. Dating can be very scary/dark for women.
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#2
Acting like being nice is a personality, then getting mad when you don’t fall for them immediately.
Broadly speaking, in dating and all the other areas of your life, you want to be as authentic and deeply ‘you’ as possible. If you feel like you have to pretend to be another person just to be liked, then something’s gone terribly wrong. That being said, you should aim to be the best version of yourself that you can. Everyone has flaws they can work on. While you shouldn’t waste your time chasing ‘perfection’ (some personality quirks can be quite attractive), you should still aim to grow as an individual.
That might mean different things for different folks. For example, working on your emotional intelligence, taking better care of your health, educating yourself more, working on your confidence and self-esteem, developing your personal style, being more respectful, living with courage and curiosity, sanding down some of the rougher edges of your personality, etc. Your goal should be to become a better person, not just someone that you think others will want to date.
#4
I think a lot of men would do well to remember that they can easily overpower us, and we are always aware of that. So, fear is often present, and for good reason. Giving a woman some time to get to know you, and to see that you will be safe for her, is crucial for many women.
#5
Making sexist comments.
A lot of guys think variations of the comment 'Most women are so dumb but you're so smart!' is a compliment. It's not. Especially if you're complimenting me for knowing something basic. It suggests you don't engage many women in conversation.
Ellinor she/they/elle 4 months ago
Some people really need to realise that you can compliment someone without putting other people down.
#6
Faking a friendship. So many men treat friendships with women as stepping stones for a sexual/romantic relationship and it's gross for two reasons: it shows that they value us only in those terms, and it shows a very deep-rooted dishonesty. If you want to pursue something sexual, say it, and if the woman isn't interested in that and you aren't interested in a genuine friendship, move the f**k along.
According to The Guardian, some of the most common mistakes that people make at the start of their relationships include:
- Coming on too strong right away
- Being too stubborn about getting exactly what you want
- Pretending to be someone you’re not
- Not learning from your mistakes in past relationships
- Moving way too fast
- Ignoring red flags during the first dates
- Posting too much about your new relationship too fast on social media
- Ignoring the need for healthy boundaries
- Pretending there aren’t any compatibility issues in terms of intimacy
- Being far too available
#7
Trying to impress with a monologue of achievements instead of asking real questions. Listening beats bragging every time.
Luke Branwen 4 months ago
For me, listening to a woman talking about something she's really passionate about is the most attractive thing ever. Like, #1. Nothing beats that.
#8
Making it sexual. I can’t emphasize this enough. If you make it sexual before we meet, I’m immediately disappointed. Most of my experience post-divorce is dating online and I cringe every time a guy has ‘I love to cuddle’ on his profile. Or we start talking and within a paragraph, he’s asking to give me a massage. Just talk to women like we’re people, not sexual objects.
Adding onto this that I am very sexual and in no way avoid s*x. But if I don’t know you, I don’t want to talk s*x with you. Period.
#9
I remember when I first met my wife we had an amazing date that lasted way longer than expected. A couple hours later she texted me asking if she’d scared me off. I was super interested but didn’t want to seem too interested and she straightened me up real quick! Don’t try to play it cool by not communicating.
George Costanza 4 months ago
I've never played hard to get or any other mind games with women I like. If I like them I let them know ASAP, and it's always worked out. No woman has ever pushed me away saying it was too much/too early.
VNES101 4 months ago
That's because we're taught that men LIKE TO HUNT. So if WE seem too interested too quickly then he won't want to pursue us any longer. Too many d**n rules for me.
Anonymous 4 months ago
As a man I can tell you this couldn't be further from the truth. We don't "Like to hunt" and if you seem too interested too quickly and the man also likes you it 99% of the time should be fine.
Load More Replies...“Don’t set out your 20-year plan on the first few dates. It can be intimidating. It also means that you’ve negated the opportunity to see how things would develop naturally with that person,” psychologist and relationship expert Emma Kenny told The Guardian.
“A lot of my clients make the mistake of moving too fast in general. Telling someone you think they’re the one and you’re deeply connected to them after date one or two is not great for everybody involved.”
For instance, you shouldn’t rush to meet each other’s family and best friends for at least a few months.
#10
Talking constant smack about their ex. Comparing us to their ex.
Like if it comes up in conversation, say what you need to say and move on. Don’t punish us for what your ex did, bro. Heal up.
Bragging about how many other women are interested in you how ✨lucky ✨I am to have been at the top of the list.
DrBronxx 4 months ago
I started talking to my then-girlfriend-now-wife about my ex. It was essentially why we broke up. After a minute or two she said "why are you talking about your ex?" I said I thought maybe she might want to know to get a better picture of me and my history, but she basically told me that while she does want to get to know me, she doesn't need to know about exes. it just wasn't important to her. 10+ years later and we have never talked about exes again.
#11
I hear/ see a lot of guys think dating is some sort of formula or game. They think if they check boxes like having a job or being in shape then women will automatically be interested. And that if they “say the right things” or make them seem a certain type of way, that will result in a relationship/ s*x/ attention.
In reality that’s manipulation. Women want to date someone you have an actual connection with. Not someone who just says what they think women want to hear.
Becca not Becky 4 months ago
Yes!! However, I will attribute this partially to a (good) cultural shift in society. For a lot of men historically, if you owned property, had a job, had a house, that was all it took, especially for arranged marriages. I think a lot of older generations passed that standard down. In recent decades, it's now expected that you actually be a good person behind closed doors.
#12
Failing to show basic politeness/respect during the interaction. For some reason so many don't even do *that,* which is sad because it's already the bare minimum...
Lyone Fein 4 months ago
Plus being rude to others while on the date……like cashiers or wait staff, etc.
Dating coach Persia Lawson told The Guardian that some people tend to “put on a bit of a show” when they first start dating someone. This can be utterly exhausting! “I try to encourage people to realise it’s cooler to just be yourself. If you’re trying too hard to perform around someone, they’re probably not the right person for you anyway,” the expert said.
Furthermore, Lawson warns that everyone should respect themselves enough to have clear boundaries when it comes to dating someone.
“Be brave enough to put your boundaries up and say: ‘This is what I need and what I desire.’ A lot of people are scared to express how they want to be treated for fear of being rejected. But it’s better to know now than later. Besides, people are attracted to people who know their own worth, rather than accepting the crumbs and scraps of poor behaviour, because they think it’s all they can get.”
#13
Getting too close to you and keep touching you on the first date. And cannot sense you are feeling uncomfortable, even though you keep moving further away….
#14
Making it about looks, in a way that makes it obvious they’re not really looking past that. you can usually tell because they’re not complimenting your personality, taking interest in your hobbies, etc. it’s just “you’re so pretty” “your body is so hot” it can actually feel quite sad.
Benjamin Brogan 4 months ago
And THIS! "Why are you single? You're so pretty/beautiful." Over and over....then get mad at us for finding you creepy.
#15
Not the “biggest” mistake, but if he won’t let me pay for my own coffee or meal on the first date, there will not be a second.
I don’t like feeling like I “owe” people things, and I don’t like it when a guy is more interested in Correctly Performing Manliness than he is in listening to a simple “no thank you.”.
According to dating coach Blaine Anderson, some of the creepiest behaviors that women find off-putting include things like staring, inappropriate comments, controlling behavior, unwanted social media contact, and not accepting ‘no’ for an answer.
Other major red flags, according to a post by Anderson, include unwanted physical contact, clinginess, physical stalking, and pressuring someone to be intimate.
#16
I've noticed a lot of men try to "sell" themselves-- make a big deal about their accomplishments, basically finding any reason to brag or bring up nice or helpful things they've done for others, etc. Trying to impress their date.
But in reality, it just makes you look a bit narcissistic. Its off-putting. Let your personality show for itself! If a woman is on a date with you (especially if it's your second+ date), she has some interest in you already, you don't have to force it.
#17
I've had several men ask me when I am going to get a "real job" (I am a musician, and a pretty successful one at that) and then go on to tell me everything about their wonderful and important banking/computer jobs.
As an artist I am used to the general society thinking I am leeching off of honest taxpayers' work and being stupid and/or lazy and all that jazz, but I would like it if the man I am dating was not one of those people.
#18
Pretending you want a relationship when you just want s*x.
Be honest, sometimes that is all women want too and you're more likely to
a) find the women who want the same faster.... And tbh sometimes FWB will be more likely because it still needs to be based on respect and attraction to last, even when casual
b) stop wasting EVERYONE'S time by revealing that, after leading someone on... then turning them off by going overtly sexual and thinking that will work.
What do you think, Pandas? What are the biggest mistakes that someone can make when they’re trying to show you that they’re romantically interested?
What are the creepiest, most bizarre, and disturbing ways that someone has actually tried showing their interest in you? How did you react?
What are your biggest dating red flags? We’d like to hear your thoughts on all of this. If you feel like you’d like to share your perspective, feel free to do so in the comments at the very bottom of this post.
#19
Lying that you like the same things we do.
Miki 4 months ago (edited)
I have a stupid memory. Around 10y ago, on a tinder I was matched with cool girl. She liked scifi (I am a big scifi nerd). We talked and it was crazy because we REALLY matched our nerd side. Then.... She said I am an impostor, i must be googling all of this while talking to her and then she blocked me :D it's stupid because (now) I have a fiance I love completely and still this memory can resurface and annoy me :D
#20
I don’t want a show, I don’t want bravado. I not a damsel in distress, I don’t need to be fixed.
Accept me for who I am, and don’t try to change me to fit your narrative.
Be genuine, listen. Your efforts do not have to be grand, maybe you heard her say that her favorite color is X and you’ll bring her something that color.
#21
The speed at which they introduce sexual innuendo and s*x topics. It's weird when people you aren't comfortable yet start leaning in that direction,
Even when they're "just joking," you know it is actually probing in disguise and very transparently, at that.
#22
Just talking about themselves the whole date and not taking any interest in anything you have to say. No follow questions. And yes making lame sexual innuendos too.
Samantha H 4 months ago
This is true. I have an odd story. I had met a man on a dating site and we spoke for 2 weeks before we met and got on well. When we met he spent the date talking about wanting to buy a Lamborghini car! well it was different :)
#23
Never disagreeing with me.
It's suspicious and it's a red flag that you're not being honest.
Michael Largey 4 months ago
It can also be a red flag that they're not really listening or really don't care what you think.
#24
Ghosting or suddenly starting to mistreat her once you've lost interest instead of just saying it outright. The fact that you rejected me already hurts, don't make it worse by making me feel like it's something I did wrong that made you lose interest, you just didn't like me for whatever reason. I've seen perfectly kind people be rejected in the most brutal ways because the guy felt guilty about rejecting her and couldn't deal with those emotions, so they just started mistreating her, making her think she did something wrong.
Samantha H 4 months ago
OP put this really well. I was in a close loving relationship for two years, all of a sudden he started acting odd but still coming over and spending long periods of time. He spent the weekend with me and the following Tuesday, left for work on the Wednesday morning - I was on a tube train when I glanced at my emails, he was ending the relationship for some flimsy reasons and was unpleasant about it. I went into shock and became very ill from it (I got Shingles) He never said anything about being unhappy and why go and spend time with someone if you are about to end a relationship. I treated him very well. I am still puzzled about it two years later.
#26
“Oh I’d love to hang out sometime”
“Yeah that sounds fun ☺️”
And then he never tries to even attempt to make a plan.
#27
-Being clingy/desperate. Clinginess k**ls attraction. It's not about putting on act, or being hot and cold. Just be yourself, be secure and don't make a woman you just met the center of your universe.
-Constant low effort texts. "How's it going" or "How is your day going" (this one especially when you barely know someone) get boring and basically require the recipient to do all the work in their reply
-Negging
-On a date, talking about yourself nonstop and not asking her any questions about herself or genuinely trying to get to know her as a person.
#28
Expecting that paying for dinner entitles them to s*x.
Erla Zwingle 4 months ago
I'd be so tempted to say "Hey, you know you can pay directly for s*x and be sure of getting it? You could absolutely skip dinner and disappointment."
#29
Not asking any questions and actually keeping the conversation going... Ridiculously basic but shocking how many men don’t understand this, including the ones that show strong interest.
Kurt Ramsey 4 months ago
This is the complaint that bothers me the most. As a man, I have been on plenty of dates and matched with plenty of women that never asked a single question about me. This issue is a burden that both genders have to deal with.
#30
Showing extreme jealousy over a girl you aren't even dating. My best friend had a small bday party, and there were mostly people I knew, and some I didn't. A guy came up and told me I was very pretty and he liked my outfit. I said thank you and continued to see my friend. I started playing pool with her brother, and I looked up to see that same guy fuming and staring daggers at me. Bro, I don't know you? Why tf are you grilling me like that. It came off seriously unhinged because he did it the whole party every time I socialized with any of the guys.
#31
Brag about themselves to impress you. Sometimes even exaggerating or lying.
Don’t get me wrong, if a woman is superficial it will probably work, but then you can’t really complain when you end up in a shallow relationship and she doesn’t actually give a f**k about you.
The truth is that apart from social media, which by definition is full of shallow people, and excluding younger people who also tend to be more easily impressed by the superficial, most women are not often impressed by the same things that men find impressive. And most people don’t find bragging attractive, regardless of gender.
See: men whose dating profiles feature large fish they have caught, photos of their vehicle, photos of their boat, photos of them with attractive women. Those are all things that are more likely to impress other men than women.
#32
Making weird jokes too soon. Could a serial k***er joke be funny after we’ve been dating and watched the documentary together? Sure. Is it funny on the first date when you’re driving me somewhere in the dark on our first date? F**K no.
BookFanatic 4 months ago
My BF invited me to see "Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" when it first came out. If you're not familiar (and I wasn't), there is an incredibly explicit and violent r@pe scene. Genius picked that moment to try to put his arm around me.
#33
Trying to impress me with achievements of his parents. He might be a Mama's boy.
Erla Zwingle 4 months ago
If you want tell me that your father saved a baby's life by pulling it out of a burning truck, or that your mother successfully transplanted a pancreas in an adolescent gibbon, that could be an interesting start. But then again, what does this have to do with you? Am I with you, or with them?
#34
Don't go overboard on the talking about s*x... be able to talk about other things.
Erla Zwingle 4 months ago
I cannot even imagine why a person would find that an interesting or appealing topic of conversation. At. All. If you don't have anything else you can talk about, I suggest you go way, way, way back and start over.
#35
A lot of guys will either only want to talk once a week but want the women to stay committed to the concept of them, or they’ll cuss out a women they’re talking to because she didn’t answer them for 45 minutes when she was busy.
Don’t be either of those dudes. In-between is good.
#36
Treating it like a transaction and not taking no for an answer.
You're not going to earn my interest and you're not going to convince me I'm wrong for not being interested. Be yourself, be a decent person, show that *you* are actually interested and the attraction will either be there or it won't.
#37
Acting completely uninterested in women as a whole. Its not a flex that u “only find me attractive”. Like ive known u for one day and ur lying.
Tabitha 4 months ago
It’s absolutely normal for a woman or a man to be able to appreciate attractiveness in someone other than their SO. However, it becomes destructive to their relationship to harp on how attractive that other person is, and especially to act on their attraction to that other person and pursue them. That’s crossing a line that shouldn’t even cross their minds to cross in the first place. I love my husband. I can see and appreciate attractiveness in another man. However, the idea of obsessing over them and making my husband feel bad—-and the idea of trying to pursue that attractive man to sleep with him never pops into my head at all. I don’t know that other man, who could turn out (and probably will) to be a complete a*****e, or a total d***e or a*****e. I do know my husband, and know he’s not an a*****e or a d***e or a*****e. That, amongst a whole host of other things, is what keeps me only having eyes for him and no one else.
#38
Trying too hard to impress instead of just being real. It comes off as fake fast.
#39
Talking more than they listen. If you don’t show interest in a potential partner, she’s going to feel like you’re performing a monologue.
#40
Texting too much too soon and not being able to pick up on how your date prefers to use texting. I use texts to make plans. I want to go out with you and get to know you face to face, not text all day.
#42
I've been told by multiple women that when a guy comments on her looks out of the gate it's turnoff.
In other news, hot women know their hot.
Ellinor she/they/elle 4 months ago
Women spend most of their teenage and young adult years getting eyed by pervs, so an actual genuine compliment over our personality is really great for a change !
What do you think ?
Ellinor she/they/elle 4 months ago (edited)
I really think that the most important thing men needs to keep in mind when in the early stage of dating life is that a woman won't trust you immediately. It will take time, it's not against you personally but it's a learned behavior due to the patriarchy and the very real danger that women face in their everyday life. If a man is offended by this, it's a red flag. We know it's "not all men" but we can't know "which" men is it. If you're really not "one of those guys" then you shouldn't be offended, you should be comprehensive.
Ace 4 months ago
Can any man say they've never done any of those things? Well yes, I certainly can. I would hope that I'm in the majority, as to me all of those behaviours are so obviously bad that anyone with any shred of empathy or decency should be able to see that.
Tabitha 4 months ago (edited)
Or self-awareness. Or empathy. Functioning brain cells.
Load More Replies...
SchadenFreudian Psychology 4 months ago
Early in my relationship with my now-partner, I said no when he wanted to buy me flowers. This led to a years-long misunderstanding. He thought I didn’t like getting flowers. What I meant was, “Don’t spend a ton of money on me when we really don’t know each other well.” Luckily, we resolved the miscommunication. We’ve now been together 23 years….and he gave me flowers on Valentine’s Day. 😀
Samantha H 4 months ago
Nice to read that you are in a happy relationship :)
Load More Replies... Ellinor she/they/elle 4 months ago (edited)
I really think that the most important thing men needs to keep in mind when in the early stage of dating life is that a woman won't trust you immediately. It will take time, it's not against you personally but it's a learned behavior due to the patriarchy and the very real danger that women face in their everyday life. If a man is offended by this, it's a red flag. We know it's "not all men" but we can't know "which" men is it. If you're really not "one of those guys" then you shouldn't be offended, you should be comprehensive.
Ace 4 months ago
Can any man say they've never done any of those things? Well yes, I certainly can. I would hope that I'm in the majority, as to me all of those behaviours are so obviously bad that anyone with any shred of empathy or decency should be able to see that.
Tabitha 4 months ago (edited)
Or self-awareness. Or empathy. Functioning brain cells.
Load More Replies... SchadenFreudian Psychology 4 months ago
Early in my relationship with my now-partner, I said no when he wanted to buy me flowers. This led to a years-long misunderstanding. He thought I didn’t like getting flowers. What I meant was, “Don’t spend a ton of money on me when we really don’t know each other well.” Luckily, we resolved the miscommunication. We’ve now been together 23 years….and he gave me flowers on Valentine’s Day. 😀
Samantha H 4 months ago
Nice to read that you are in a happy relationship :)
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