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“I Let It Slide At First”: 47 Men Get Brutally Honest About Their Biggest Dating Turn-Offs
Dating as a single person can be tough. There will be times when misses happen more often than hits with those you meet. You encounter people who aren’t a good fit, either because they didn’t meet your standards or because they raised one of your red flags.
For this list, we’re focusing on the latter reason. A Reddit thread from a while back drew a flood of responses from men about their biggest dating dealbreakers. Some of them touched on the usuals, such as judgmental behavior and inciting drama. Others were more shallow with their answers.
Gents, if you want to join in on the conversation, feel free to do so in the comment boxes below.
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#1
When they're rude to dining staff and other customer service people (but usually dining staff), it's a HUGE turnoff for me.
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#2
An inability to have a conversation.
I can't tell you how many times I have done all the talking on the date. I try to ask questions and am met with three word responses. "It's alright", "Yea, its a job" etc.
#4
People who don't communicate problems they have. Biggest example for me are people who don't like me doing something but don't tell me and the only way I find out is a few months later when they flip their stuff about it, like they bottled their problem up and finally let loose.
For example I had an ex who hated it when I kissed their neck. Never said a word to me, but looked uncomfortable sometimes, I'd ask what's wrong and they would say nothing... About three months later they went batshit on me for it. I never knew. They never told me.
Bottom line is, us guys aren't telepathic, if we are doing something you don't like, tell us!
#5
Playing mind games / doing tests, etc.
I have absolutely zero tolerance towards those. If I spot a potential candidate doing that, I immediately lose a lot of respect towards him/her and become suspicious. The second time I see him/her trying to pull off some kind of similar stuff, it's time for goodbyes.
I'm looking for someone trustworthy and with whom I can be at ease. Not someone who tries to provoke a fight every day.
#8
When she calls you stupid. Hurts really bad. I didn't grow up the smartest kid, but I successfully graduated high school with a 2.9. My father always brought me down, calling me stupid, and when a girl says I'm stupid, dumb, etc, it just really breaks me down.
#9
Non stop checking of the phone. I don't mind it here and there, take a call if it's important, but if I never have your attention then it's a problem.
#10
Having no interest in anything. I don't care if you love makeup and talk to me for hours about it, but seeing someone be so passionate about something is amazing. I love movies and could talk about my favorites for hours. I just want to see an interest in what makes you, you.
#11
Refusing to ever be wrong. Lying. Not appreciating things done specifically for them. Trying to make me jealous (I won't be, be with me or not, her choice.) Being lazy, boring, and unintelligent.
#13
These are basically memes at the moment but they still apply,
* if you want something you have to ask, but make sure you know roughly what you want. I don't want to suggest ten different films/restaurants/activities while getting the "not that one but you still pick" answer
* don't play the "its's fine" card, I used to care enough to find out what is wrong but now I just play video games and let you stew in your own bitterness
* as an extension of the above don't jokingly pretend things aren't fine because I get confused and ignore you when it actually isn't fine. Imagine you'd trained a dog to sit on command and rewarded it with treats, then one day you thought it would be funny to hit the dog whenever it sat, don't then act all confused when the dog won't sit anymore
* learn how to enjoy yourself without me, I have my hobbies and you need yours. I play sports twice a week and want to dedicate a full evening to my painting too, find something to do yourself because it isn't my fault you're bored.
#15
Excessive neediness. If you constantly demand that I drop everything to cater to your wants, regardless of my needs; then I demand that you GTFO.
#17
Me: "What do you want to do?" Her: "I don't know. You decide."
I'm not sure there's a bigger turn-off to me than this. Even if she doesn't know, but at least offers something that moves a discussion forward. I have been tempted a few times to get up and leave when I get this response. I'm all for doing things the other person likes/wants to make that other person happy. But this response always seems so passive and lazy.
#18
Can't spell. This is generally a good gauge of many other things. Probably don't read very well either. Big turn off.
The only other thing I can think of that isn't too specific is when a woman sets expectations very high. Having high hopes and expecting someone you just met to fit a mold cast in your mind are two different things. The point of dating is to meet someone you don't know and see if they could add to your life. Trying to dictate who and how they will be isn't realistic.
#20
Even the slightest hint of infidelity.
I don't put up with cheating, I don't cheat. Emotional cheating, physical cheating, all of it.
The difference here though is not me making rules about infidelity, but the girl I'm with needs to WANT TO and be okay with saying 'sorry I'm taken' when asked for her number, she has to want to not engage in old flings (unless it's occasional and totally platonic).
It's a whole attitude that she won't cheat, and this all comes from them being ready to accept a serious relationship.
#22
They want or have children. I don't take stress well, and I don't really want to deal with children. Only two people I've ever met in thirty years have had children that I liked, so if you have or want children, I don't want to go on a date with you.
#23
Single. Mother.
I'm Child Free and I did not date anybody with kids. It wouldn't be fair to the kids or their mother.
This worked out in my favour as I used to live in an oil town with lots of young single moms looking for daddy/bill paying support.
#25
I can't stand when a girl can't hold a conversation or doesn't ever have anything interesting to say. If I have to carry literally every conversation we have, I'm out.
#27
Bad breath. They're talking to me, telling me their current relationship isn't working out, and it will be over soon. I have a friend caught in that right now. he met a girl at the pool at his apartment complex. She flirted with him, they exchanged numbers, and he found out she has a boyfriend. However, at the same time, she is trying to hook up with my friend and telling him she wants to date him, claiming it isn't working out with her current boyfriend.
I told him not to fall for that. Because if one thing goes wrong if she breaks up with her b/f and the two of you date, she'll do the same exact thing to you, meet another guy and tell him it isn't working out with you and go behind your back and cheat.
#28
Getting serious too quickly. If you call me your boyfriend after just one or two dates I'm jumping ship.
#29
When they won't turn up with any interest in you.
When you ask them how they've been and all they do is reply and then go on without ever asking you anything.
That is the biggest turn off for me. Because men too need someone who shows interest in them and asks them how they have been.
#30
If someone seems unsure about dating me, I want to be with someone who is positive they want to be with me too. Someone who you have to convince or win over just isn't worth it.
#32
Dishonesty, severe over the top drama, overbearing jealousy and/or suspicion. I don't list cheating as I'm in a poly relationship with 2 different ladies, but as long as everyone keeps me updated on who they are seeing, we're good.
#33
Leaving the TV on as background
It's hard to make eye contact when the woman is constantly distracted by her programmes.
#38
Not having a hobby. You have no idea how many first dates I've heard "drunk, watch TV, hang with friends, shop" when asked what they like to do. I'm not attracted to cliches, and without a hobby, us dating is just me entertaining you.
#40
Lots of good ones so far.
Girls that need constant re-assurance for everything and have or pretend to have no self confidence.
#42
Me: So what do you like to do in your free time?
Her: Take naps... Sleep is my life.
Why would you say that on a first date??
#43
A girl that can't deny your properly and leads you on to give you false hope, because they get reward out of flirting, So using you for attention.
What do you think ?
Auntriarch 2 months ago
It's good to know what you want and what you definitely don't. That's what dating is for.
Auntriarch 2 months ago
It's good to know what you want and what you definitely don't. That's what dating is for.
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