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55 Ex-Red Pillers Get Brutally Honest About The Moment That Woke Them Up
Toxic masculinity may have been around for decades, but it has only been identified and labeled in recent years. These days, such behavior is also referred to as being in the “manosphere” or embodying the “red pill” mindset, which gives being male a bad name.
Of course, people evolve, and many, fortunately, rid themselves of their poisoned beliefs about women. Some of them even opened up in comment sections of various social media platforms, candidly sharing their eye-opening experiences.
Many see this as a step in the right direction and a breath of fresh air. Hopefully, this gives you the same sense of optimism.
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#1
Said something against women (had a bad friendgroup). My dad just stared at me and went: „You‘re a man. Start acting like one.“ In the angriest tone I‘ve ever heard. I asked how, we started talking and he saved me
Beak Hookage 10 hours ago
Saw a man abusing his gf when I was a kid and my dad said "that's not a real man. A real man doesn't act like that" with a look of utter contempt and disgust on his face. I've never forgotten it.
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#2
Reddit weirdly enough. I'm 24 stumbled upon r/askwomenover30. I saw them talk about how men mistreated them and I saw alot of myself in those men. One day I was like "Maybe I'm the bad guy here"
#3
For me it was when I saw a reel of a woman telling men to ask the women around him when was the first time they got harassed or touched in public. Sure enough, I asked 7 women and in none of their stories did they exceed 14 years of age
#4
I was never in the manosphere but I got one of my coworkers to really think about how toxic it is. I'm a fan of the Professional Women's Hockey League (go Frost!) and I in the lunch room talking about how the Minnesota Frost won the championship 2 times in a row when one of my coworkers said "Yeah but there's only 6 teams (at the time) in the league so it's not like it's that impressive, the men have way more teams so it's harder for them to get back to back wins". The thing that really pissed me off about that was this guy has daughters WHO PLAY HOCKEY. I said "If daughters play professionally and win the championship, are you gonna tell her "It's not that impressive, the men's teams have it WAY harder?". He just said "Well... no" and got real quiet after that. It just blows my mind that in the year 2026 we are still putting down the achievements of women.
#5
When I learned that car manufacturers rarely use crash test dummies that are modeled after women. The safety features of most of not all vehicles are designed men. I keep thinking about how my mom is inherently less safe driving than I am in my own car because she's shorter.
#6
It was an eye-opening convo for my spouse when I dropped the stats that (at that time the estimate was) 1/4 women had experienced grape, false reports are under 2%, and fully 2/3 of men in a survey said they would grape someone if they knew they could get away with it. The fact that most women when asked what they would do with no Men in the world for 24 hours respond that they would walk alone at night without fear. Men truly don't know what a huge menace men's violence is in our lives until confronted with some of the numbers and ways it affects our lives. And they don't always get that it isn't akin to theft, it's violent. Those conversations are so important.
The Other Guest 2 hours ago
Rape. The word is rape. How can we have serious conversations about serious problems if we can't even say the damn word?
#7
Getting stalked helped me out of it. I would have always considered myself a liberal feminist person, but I always believed that if you were direct then creeps would leave you alone. Im sorry I ever believed in that narrative.
antoinette maldari 2 hours ago
IDK, I think that when women are direct with creeps, the creeps get creepier.
#8
i started to realize the reason why i was watching that type of content was bc i was resentful of women for not being sucessful with them. thats when i was 15.
#9
I had a guy in military tell me he knew it was nonsense when he went on deployment and had no electronics for 6 months. He'd needed help, and tons of online redpillers said they could help him... for a price. He paid and paid but still felt hopeless. But the only people that actually showed up in his life to actually help... were women. They sent letters and packages. They were there to welcome him home. And it cost him nothing
#10
Honestly, it was rough breaking free of redpill. Was raised Evangical Christian all my life with my father, uncle, and grandfather all being pastors. I was taught hatred and control from a young age, among other things later unpacked in therapy. The point that started to have me turn was when I was at a very low point of my life in my early 20s. I recieved more humanity from trans people than I ever had from the types I grew up with. It wasn't an overnight transformation. It was years of therapy and deprogramming. But I have changed. I can't undo the terrible things I've done, but I can try to prevent it from happening to others, and try to create spaces for others to feel safe.
#11
Not me but my partner was very conservative, he one day had a realisation that trickle down economics doesn’t actually make sense, that lead him to Marxism then feminism and he’s been on the good side ever since
#12
Hot take. But the whole "not every man" rhetoric. I decided to shift from a "no, not me" mindset to a "ill make sure its not me" mindset. I realised I can't make it ok, I can't make the whole population change their experiences, their perspective. But maybe i could give a reason to a few of them. if I can change 5 minds... 5 men. Then maybe i could help.
?:
This is a really healthy mindset and I wish more men could think of it like this and see it this way. Every man I know who isn’t toxic and treats women properly funnily enough, also thinks this way too.
#13
I read a Reddit thread a few years back with a similar topic, and one answer was along the lines of, "I watched The Hunchback of Notre Dame and realized Frollo was basically the embodiment of this ideology and I didn't want to be Frollo."
Props not only to that guy's media literacy, but utilizing the lesson IRL.
Bored Jellyfish 8 minutes ago (edited)
Just wanted to mention, Disney’s version of Hunchback with Frollo singing, “Hellfire” was a crazy thing to see in a Disney flick. (It was also done really well)
#14
I can thankfully say I never went full red pill, (this was before the manosphere effectively existed, but I never once believed women's purpose on earth was to serve men and have babies or whatever), but there was a time I was super pro-life and didn't believe in, well, BELIEVING women. But I was also pretty hardcore conservative and over the years have slowly been deconstructing a LOT of those beliefs and becoming more progressive, and part of that was realizing A.) Conversations about toxic masculinity is not an "attack" on toxic masculinity. No one is saying masculinity IS toxic. TOXIC masculinity is something entirely different. B.) Women are more likely to be put in handcuffs for "falsely reporting" men than to see their perpetrator behind bars. That's not hyperbole, that's statistics, and believing women doesn't mean that men don't still at least get due process. And C.) While men do have issues in society, mental health being the biggest one, women are not the cause of them. Mens' issues are literally caused by other men. Toxic masculinity and the patriarchy hurts men too, and maybe if more men realized that something would ACTUALLY be done about it
Tamra 5 hours ago
That last sentence. It's an implication that toxic masculinity might be taken more seriously because it ALSO hurts men, as though it's not enough that it's hurting women. That it hurts men too somehow gives it more weight, more legitimacy. Whatever gets us there in the end, I guess.
#15
I stopped listening to podcast bros and started listening to therapist.
Tea Drinker 7 hours ago
But what made him decide to stop in the first place? Did the therapist tell him to stop?
#17
I never got into it. But I’m not tall. I’m a truck driver. So I’m not uber rich. And I’m not even what you might call conventionally attractive. Not even putting myself down. It’s just the truth. And I’ve gotten along fine with women. The problem isn’t the women, ever It’s the guys who don’t work on themselves and listen to other men tell them how to be instead of working on their own individual skill sets.
#18
Watching my mother clean a kitchen at 10pm on a weekday after my dads friends had been over.
superoobleck:
you're already good from the beginning for realizing that. because my brother already sees my mum works by herself all his life, cleans, cooks and did childcare while my dad is unemployed and right now he's very angry that his gf wants to be a SAHM bcs she birthed triplets
Henrique Príncipe:
So true… Realising that our mothers had to work and also take care of the house
DrBronxx 8 hours ago
I'm glad I never had that. My dad always pulled his weight around the house, despite 14-hour work days. Then we all had chores (all boy siblings). With dad doing housework, it was all just natural to us that we all helped out. Sure, mum did the most, but everyone had significant work to do around the house.
#19
I briefly found myself being drawn in... but after a while, I realized there was no actual balance to it, it was just a bunch of angry guys who didn't actually care about bettering the problems between men and women, it was about creating a more extreme rift between us. That's when I pulled up and realized it was never about anything good.
Multa Nocte (she/her/86 47) 4 hours ago
It is almost exclusively about angry men who think they should be at the top of the pyramid and feel they have been denied glory and all the "spoils" of the "war."
#20
I wasn't all the way into that sphere, but I was raised a homeschooled moderate conservative. Becoming a healthcare worker and learning about medical research was where I properly learned how information and misinformation works, thus I began to realize how much my ideas didn't match reality. As a paramedic at the time, I was also losing my sense of compassion and becoming hateful, influenced by right wing assumptions about social issues I dealt with every single shift. But learning is what helped me to realize what I was becoming and find the way out. Now I'm an ER nurse with a strong passion for patient advocacy, whether it be women's health, racial disparity, patients with substance use disorders, etc....everyone deserves high quality healthcare and I do the best I can in the ER not just to do more with the few resources I have, but to make others aware of why it matters and the quick things we can do that make a difference.
#21
My college gf. She was very conscious of the social space we live in and the role men and women play in it. Honestly it just started w me just wanting to impress her. But the more I learned, the more I genuinely wanted to a part of the solution and not the problem. So I kept learning the issues I was perpetuating and unlearning the harmful mindset that society taught me. Now, even though we’ve been broken up for years, I want to teach my younger brother and cousins that being a man doesn’t mean you have to fit in a specific box.
#22
That scene in Avatar the last airbender where Zuko comes to the realization he’s not mad at everyone else, just himself
#23
In my first year of university I was kinda stuck in it, but I made friends with this girl who was fairly feminist/woke. We argued constantly, so of course we eventually fell in love. I was in political science so I decided to try out some courses on Marxism as well as gender and politics. The cherry on top was when I got into political theory and started to understand how socially constructed our entire society is. That gf and I broke up at the start of my third year and 10 months later I was offered the chance to contribute to a feminist textbook chapter with my gender and politics prof... It's one of those things where, once you're exposed to its inner workings, it's practically impossible to go back to your prior ignorance.
Tamra 4 hours ago
Education is so valuable, obviously for many reasons, but his point about not going back into ignorance once you've been enlightened is especially poignant. Pay attention to the political parties who attack education. Those who rely on your ignorance do not have your best interests in mind.
#24
My change happened when people started arguing over preferred pronouns. I was totally against it but my amazing wife put it into terms I couldn't ignore. She asked me one day " What if one of our sons is trans"? "What if her sister was trans"? Those 2 questions made me self reflect and realize that all anybody wants in life is to be their authentic self and to be accepted for living their own truth. She used 3 people that I love dearly to put it into perspective for me and that's all I needed. Love will always be the only thing stronger than hate.
Ali 9 hours ago
Had a kid in class wanting to socially transition but not before family was in the loop. Was worried about dad who made a few transphobic comments. I got nan in for a little chat, to lay some ground work. When he was finally told - he said how sorry he was his behaviour had ment he was last to know, and while he got used to the idea could they just give a little heads up when they wanted to be his daughter and when they wanted to be his son. He soon became kids biggest advocate - just as it should be.
#25
When my mom pointed out that I hate ppl that I’ve never met, that I’ll never met and that did and will not do anything to you and then pointed at my hypocrisy of hating a certain group of ppl while having friends from that group
#26
honestly just education. learning the actual facts about the world really opened my eyes, especially relating to toxic masculinity
#27
Studying feminism when getting my Bachelors’ degree probably had the greatest impact. Along with having conversations with women about their experiences with gender inequality. Especially with women of older generations. I’m deep in the feminist pipeline now tbh. Having an existential crisis realizing how the patriarchy has harmed me as a man, and how to deal with it.
#28
Literally going outside and interacting with women for the sake of interacting with them and not wanting anything in return
#29
Travelling from my home country for the first time. Being away from everything and everyone I knew let me reevaluate who I was, and I realised I didn’t like who I was becoming
#30
My lesbian cousin revealed a lot of traits came from conforming to southern social standards. She opened my eyes to a lot of what women go through and im thankful.
#31
Making friends with women. You go straight from being oppositional as a little kid, right into being attracted to them in high school and unless you experience a relationship with them that’s neither, you’ll fall prey to the manosphere. Distance is more of a cause of bigotry than hatred
FreeTheUnicorn 4 hours ago (edited)
This is why splitting kids up by gender is terrible. It's relationships that are healthy, not segregation. Prejudice doesn't long survive contact, that's why generally these people who grew up with Jim Crow are the most enthusiastic about race war, while the people in cities are unbothered by physical difference. It's the same with gender.
#32
Getting on antidepressants, going to therapy, positive role models and just growing up! I’m now happy with a lovely girlfriend and close friends who are women :)
#33
I just grew up, really. I was a loser teenager and then I was a young adult. I've spent years reprogramming and I'm sure there's still plenty of subtle things I still have to unlearn.
Detroit Citizen 3 hours ago
Me too OP, me too. Even now at 49, every once in a great while something will come up from the deepest recess of me and ill have a split second thought and have to tell myself that the initial thought was wrong. I grew up, matured. Emotionally more so. But i treat my past like being an add ict. It will always be with me, a part of me, and it will be a fight all my life. I recognize it, accept it and that helps me prevent it or change it. I tried to ignore it but that failed spectacularly. I dont go into great detail about my childhood (where that idolgy was born), i dont want pity or apologies, what ppl say when they cant relate. Plus i dont want to trauma dump on them. Its d**n hard to break the cycle. But it is possible. For me its a life long thing, it was ingrained into me when i was a child during all those formative years. I tell myself at times, it takes a "real" man to have the courage and strength to look into himself and change.
#34
i fell out of it as soon as i got in because i found out that andrew tate wasn’t a character, he wasn’t a comedian doing a bit, that was just him. i realized immediately that people actually think and talk like this and people seriously listen to what they have to say.
#35
I was falling through the pipeline when I was in highschool. It cost me my relationship with my first gf and other close friends I had. What helped me the most was my brother shaming me and cutting myself off from right wing and conservative content on the internet, as well as just meeting new people in uni. Unironically leaving the toxic cesspit of depression and self-loathing that is the alt-right pipeline and conservative spaces on the internet in general helped me realize I’m transgender and now I’m living as a woman and engaged to the love of my life :) things do get better and the horrific thoughts I had back then evaporated once I cut myself off from that kind of content. I’m forever thankful for my brother and my friends who helped me escape.
#36
Honestly? had a period in my life where wifi was extremely limited and couldn't watch video anymore without losing access to the Internet for the rest of the week, which lead to me discovering fanfiction amd all the wonderful people who write it and slowly phasing out all the alt-right pipeline content I was consuming. by the time I got stable WiFi again, all those guys who used to be funny were just embarrassing and pathetic.
Dragon mama 4 hours ago
This should be higher. The algorithms.. oh, the algorithms are gonna getcha
#37
Not the Manosphere specifically. But when I was 13 or so my Grandpa went to Africa for over a month to help build water wells. Why? Because he could, he was retired, and he knew nobody else would do it. A crazy act of kindness that made me realise we need to support everyone regardless of whether it will have a direct impact on us. I hope I turn out to be half the man he was.
#38
Walking next a woman in a public space and realizing how uncomfortable it must be to have people stare at you all the time and not even try to hide it
nicholas nolan 2 hours ago (edited)
I learned that when I was a busboy at a restaurant frequented by old ladies. My young bros, do NOT bend over a table to reach a fork or something in the corner unless you're absolutely sure Margie at the table next to you is out of pinching range. Walk around to grab it. Trust me. EDIT TO ADD: I was 16.
#39
The term alpha was first used to describe the literal pecking order of chickens. And they weren’t talking about the roosters, the alpha status was used for the hens.
#40
The thing that got me in, also got me out. Started getting into fitness, which started the pipeline, and then started getting into nutrition and learning about food myths and fallacious reasoning, and how to think more critically and analyze data/ quality of sources, etc.
nicholas nolan 2 hours ago
This one is really weird, and must be quite recent in history, because back when I gave a s**t about fitness, the Gym Bros were 100% the kindest and most supportive of women of any group I could think of. And it was genuine, too. They weren't trying to "get" anything. Like, they'd look at the women but their eyes would be focused on their technique and stuff. This was when women lifting was more uncommon, so there were very few women that were available to teach other women. The gym bros handled it all.
#41
I started "learning" about men's rights disguised as anti feminism and misoginy. Inevitably it also lead to homophobia which I was always uncomfortable about bc I was questioning my sexuality. Then, I started talking more to my feminist and LGBT friends and learning more from them and I realized all the fallacies, biases and straight up lies the red pill content puts out.
#42
After realizing men's worse fears and women's worse fears
Annik Perrot 7 hours ago
"She stood there, laughing. I felt the knife in my hand, and she laughed no more." Tom Jones. Delilah. Always gave me shivers.
#43
I was raised around men who held all the power in a cult-ish community, and women who paid the price for it in ways that were mostly invisible to the outside. What changed me wasn’t anger—it was seeing how normalized the harm was, and realizing I didn’t want to be okay with that anymore. Growing up, I was taught that this system was just ‘how things worked.’ But watching how women were treated—regardless of their choices—forced me to question what I’d been taught. Learning to push back meant unlearning a lot of silence.
#44
my sister's bullying me out of it
cosmic:
I had to do this with my brother. He started talking badly about women, not caring about his personal hygiene and was being a total jerk. I went off on him, telling him that's no way to live his life and if he wanted any kind of friendship or romantic relationship with a woman he needed to knock that nonsense off and shave is neckbeard.
Casper:
Im not sure how old you are but this is something a lot of women feel they need to do for their younger or even older male siblings sometimes. I noticed this pattern recently where women feel the need to correct men's wrong behaviours, to show them what they can't see yet, but it's kind of sad when you think about it. they shouldn't have to feel like that's their job. I'm happy you're starting to see the error in your ways and I hope you become an advocate for all the women in your life. protect them and make them know you are a safe space, that you see them as a person too.
Power puff scientist 11 hours ago
Not sure if being bullied by women would work for most red pilled guys. Wouldn’t that just make em more resentful?
#45
I was a teen when I browsed a lot of cringe subreddits and unironically watched stuff like “feminist owned compilations” and I just wanted to see cringy stuff to laugh at, it didn’t take long for me to notice all the weird dog whistles and racist, sexist etc stuff that popped up the deeper I went and that made me just “stop, turn around and walk away”
#46
I’ve been out of it for a bit since like college, but what really made me laugh was that Myron, the host of Fresh and Fit, got his FIRST girlfriend at 35
#47
My husband had this moment when I pointed out the only right he was worried about losing was his 2A right to bare arms. While I was worried about my rights being ripped away from me like we were back in the 1900s.
He sat so still and so quiet for about twenty minutes before he said… “I’ve never considered that”
Edit- I’m aware he never had to think this way, he grew up in a misogynistic home that was male centered and very toxic, but he is thinking this way now and that’s what’s important here.
#48
I'm 9 years Red Pill free, can't actually remember the exact thing that made me snap out of it, but I just remember getting to a point when I looked back and cringed at some of the things I used to say and think
#49
I began to realize that the people surrounding me were the kind of people that I hated. Racists, sexists—things that should have been more obvious to see but I guess just never realized. It crossed a line in my morals and unlike most people I didn’t compromise. I started to do my own research and form my own opinions. Layer by layer of the pipelines hypocrisy and lies became unraveled and I’ve never looked back since.
#50
I got a job with majority women coworkers, heard their stories and saw how blatantly sexist customers treated them, realized that I was gonna turn out like the customers one day if I didn't change
#51
I read Nietzsche and drowned after reassessing my Christian values. Explored other philosophies and encountered Sartre, then De Beauvoir's feminist philosophy. Questionned existentialism and saw Butler and fully embraced my queerness. I am now into Crenshaw's intersectionality, Thomson, and above all Bell Hooks
nicholas nolan 2 hours ago
I still cannot understand how you read a book and see how Jesus treated the women of the bible and come away sexist. He listened to them, stood up for them, worked with them and you think they're inferior? One of them convinced him to open his message to all, ffs.
#52
I just realized that everything I was saying and doing was because someone told me that’s what I should do, and as an insecure middle schooler I desperately wanted to fit in and once I realized I could be my own person I started realizing that helping others and being kind and considerate felt infinitely better and more rewarding that constantly trying to one up everyone and put others down to appear better in everyone’s eyes, because at the end of the day you can only be so great and there will always be people who hate on others so just be the best you you can be and that’s enough
#53
i remember this one story (idk if it was from 4chan or reddit) where taking care of a shrimp improved this one guy's mental health and got him out of the incel rabbithole. it was an insane read lol.
FreeTheUnicorn 4 hours ago
Taking care of others is a tried and true tactic to improve mental health. That's why a lot of rehab programs have participants take care of rabbits or dogs
#54
I got dragged into it because of my empathy, they managed to redirect it for their own goals. I got out because of all the negativity; one day I wasn’t able to remember the last time I was genuinely happy and at the time I was watching both CinemaSins and CinemaWins and the dichotomy helped me realize all of this stuff wasn’t making me happy. I went on a “purge” and only watch CinemaWins for a couple of months and ended up getting out. I’m not sure if I’ve deconstructed everything I thought during that time, mainly because I catch myself still having some of those thoughts
#55
When discussing this with other guys my age, we all agreed that we briefly belonged to the Manosphere during our teenage years, particularly during the challenging phase of self-discovery when we were uncertain about our identities and blamed the world for our confusion. Unfortunately, these individuals can be dangerous for young people because they exploit their vulnerabilities. As an 18-year-old, I can attest to the ease with which they can influence those who are lost. The things that helped me break free from that toxic masculinity were largely due to my female friends and my devoted mother, who raised me alone. I deeply regret my past actions and am grateful for the opportunity to watch this documentary and find it so absurd.
What do you think ?
Ali 8 hours ago
I work as a teachers assistant. I assist a male teacher in a boy heavy class. Very regularly, he makes tea and toast while I lead maths. Obviously, as I'm the assistant it should be the other way around - but he doesn't want the boys to see a woman always waiting on them while a man is in charge. Also, raise the girls expectations of decent relationships. It's a small thing, but in this time of online mysogony it is necessary to think how adults interact around children in this way.
Ace 7 hours ago
I was confused by the "red pill" thing at first, didn't realise it had (apparently) acquired a new meaning. Then it took me a few posts to realise that most of these are simply by ex-Incels, who just grew out of it. When you're 15 years old you're not in a 'manosphere', you're still a child, and being frustrated by lack of success with the girls is a normal part of most boys' growing up process.
Multa Nocte (she/her/86 47) 4 hours ago
Ace - many of us women, when we were girls, were also not successful with the opposite s*x, were frustrated, and that that was part of OUR growing up process but that didn't turn us into man-haters. I'm not sure what your point it.
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Ali 8 hours ago
I work as a teachers assistant. I assist a male teacher in a boy heavy class. Very regularly, he makes tea and toast while I lead maths. Obviously, as I'm the assistant it should be the other way around - but he doesn't want the boys to see a woman always waiting on them while a man is in charge. Also, raise the girls expectations of decent relationships. It's a small thing, but in this time of online mysogony it is necessary to think how adults interact around children in this way.
Ace 7 hours ago
I was confused by the "red pill" thing at first, didn't realise it had (apparently) acquired a new meaning. Then it took me a few posts to realise that most of these are simply by ex-Incels, who just grew out of it. When you're 15 years old you're not in a 'manosphere', you're still a child, and being frustrated by lack of success with the girls is a normal part of most boys' growing up process.
Multa Nocte (she/her/86 47) 4 hours ago
Ace - many of us women, when we were girls, were also not successful with the opposite s*x, were frustrated, and that that was part of OUR growing up process but that didn't turn us into man-haters. I'm not sure what your point it.
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