Boyfriend Loses It After Finding Out That His Girlfriend Is Having A Girls’ Night In, The Woman Is Blown Away
We tend to see the beginning of our relationship through rose-colored glasses and turn a blind eye to our partner’s flaws. But we know it just can’t go on forever. Somewhere along the way, we begin to notice the little details that start to bother or even frustrate us. And sometimes those little things can grow into big bright red flags that might say it’s time to rethink your relationship.
Redditor u/S-Ad3531 shared a story on the AITA subreddit and described how her boyfriend lost it when he found out that she’s hosting a girls’ night in on the weekend. She explained that they’ve been dating for a few months now and meet at her place every weekend. When she had to cancel due to the fact that some of her girlfriends would be coming over, her boyfriend could not believe she was serious.
The situation escalated from zero to a huge argument in a second. The boyfriend started throwing words like sexist, toxic and misogynistic, leaving his girlfriend completely stunned and confused. Scroll down for the full story!
A woman shared how her boyfriend demanded that she cancel girls’ night in and caused a huge argument, saying that she should be ashamed of herself
Image credits: Rendy Novantino (not the actual photo)
The girlfriend is asking if she did the wrong thing, even though the boyfriend called her sexist and misogynistic
The redditor’s post received quite a bit of attention, collecting over 19.7K upvotes in just two days. Not to mention getting a whopping 5K comments from members of the AITA community who decided that it’s the boyfriend who’s being dramatic and manipulative.
However, the woman still felt guilty about the argument and kept apologizing. “He mostly complained about not being allowed to attend or bring his guy friends,” the OP commented later. Even after asking him to respect her decision, she kept hearing that GNI is a toxic event.
But having friends outside your relationship is not only important but also healthy, said April Eldemire, a licensed marriage and family therapist. She highlights three main reasons why. First, friendships help you live longer. It can improve your lifespan by as much as 22 percent! “In fact, having few to no friends is as if not more risky for your health and lifespan as smoking 15 cigarettes per day, being obese, or not exercising,” Eldemire explains.
Next, we have our hobbies. Of course, if you don’t share the same interests as your spouse, you can always enjoy doing them alone. But having strong social ties with someone who likes doing the same things as you gives the opportunity to learn and grow.
Third, our friends are the ones who can give us different perspectives when our loved ones are not being upfront with us. And let’s be frank, sometimes we’re not even willing to hear their advice. As April Eldemire mentioned, we’re often more willing to take our friends’ feedback less defensively and it “can often impact us in such a way that we come back to our relationship with a fresh and enlightened perspective.”
So if the boyfriend is acting a bit jealous and does not want you to hang out with your friends without him present, this could be alarming. It’s not easy to spot a controlling boyfriend at first. It might be that your BF starts spending more time with you, learns the little details of how you like your coffee or what you’re allergic to. And it feels great. But if somewhere along the line, it starts to seem a bit much and you miss the life you once had—you might be in a controlling relationship. If you want to learn more about it, be sure to check here.
Taking all of this into account, it seems that having a GNI with your best friends is good for your mental and physical health. And if your partner throws you snide comments instead of supporting your decisions, that’s definitely a red flag that it will probably get worse down the line.
Redditors were unanimous and saw the boyfriend’s behavior as a red flag
239Kviews
Share on FacebookHe is being controlling, and just finding ways to manipulate the situation so he gets what he wants. Trade him in, people like this are trouble. Find someone who likes you for who you are, not what they want you to be, because when you are all he wants you to be, he will find more things to dislike that you do. This has been a big red flag. Heed the warning.
Agreed, trade this man in, preferably into an active volcano. Huge red flags. OP has only been dating the guy for a few months at least, as opposed to a long time, so I'm sure she won't miss him all that much in the end. But it seriously sounds like he just wants to be involved in everything she does, typical of a controlling, manipulative and possibly later abusive boyfriend. I don't see what the problem with her spending some time with friends is. Is he paranoid that she'll talk about him to her friends? or that they'll talk about other "boys" or whatever? Or is he terrified she'll suddenly turn lesbian during a "girls night in"? geez...
Load More Replies...I don't even understand how girls hanging out could be perceived as misogynistic. Like, I'm genuinely baffled.
Same here. Does he maybe mean misandry rather than misogyny?
Load More Replies...God, those types start with this and end up locking you up in the house... Creep.
Load More Replies...This is step one in separating you from your friends and support network. Run away.
This is what controlling and distrustful people do. They flip out when you want to do something they can't be a part of, because they don't like that you do stuff on your own. I'd go as far as to say he may even doubt whether you're only having girls over or maybe also guys. He's gaslighting, he wants to be your owner, not your partner. Also, sexism is something else entirely, he comes off to me as someone who just wants to use the sexism-argument to make a point, whether it is valid or not. Maybe he's called sexist and now wants to even the score or something. REALLY weird. I wonder how he'd react if you ask him whether he organizes a guy's night or not.
This is very weird. Red flag. He's pissed at you for having friends? That's a sign that once he's has you isolated from friends and family, he won't be the "sweet" guy he's been pretending to be.
This is gaslighting: wanting to have a night-in with your friends, but now, it will not be something you will be looking forward to, but something with all sorts of negative emotions pouring in (guilt, fear of losing your friends or your boyfriend, shame, etc.). In every relationship you need to ask: does this add value to my life or does it affect it negatively? Is thinking about him/her/them cause me happiness or a cold, sinking feeling in my stomach? Do I feel stronger with them or weaker?
That is not what gaslighting is though. Gaslighting is: "psychological manipulation of a person usually over an extended period of time that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories and typically leads to confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, uncertainty of one's emotional or mental stability, and a dependency on the perpetrator". There is some gaslighting going on (him blaming the argument on her when he's behaving unreasonable) but It's important that we use the right terms when it comes to abusive relations
Load More Replies...His flipping out is a bad sign. Abusers hide their true personality until one day they flip out. The first sign of domestic abuse is the perpetrator isolates the victim, eventually isolates from family too. They want total control over the victim. They don't want the victim to talk to friends who might point out his actions aren't good. My cousin experienced this. He was really nice to everyone. But slowly he isolated her away from everyone. After they had the first child, the physical abuse started. He was jealous of the time she spent with the baby. It got worse after the second child. He would apologize and then do it again. He had her so confused and manipulated that she thought she deserved it. Finally one night he hit her so hard and she fled to a neighbors, who called the cops. She took the kids and divorced him. It's been a decade. He's still dragging her through courts trying to get the kids. Her life will never be the same. PLEASE LEAVE THAT MAN.
I know "girlfriends" means something slightly different in the USA compared to the UK, but I'm assuming from context that these are platonic friends, with no sex taking place? If that all it is, this guy needs to take a long walk off a short pier.
Yes. "Girlfriend" in USA refers also to platonic friends. Why, I don't know. Also, "Guy Night Out" is common here, so .....this guy is a loser, IMHO.
Load More Replies...He is being controlling, and just finding ways to manipulate the situation so he gets what he wants. Trade him in, people like this are trouble. Find someone who likes you for who you are, not what they want you to be, because when you are all he wants you to be, he will find more things to dislike that you do. This has been a big red flag. Heed the warning.
Agreed, trade this man in, preferably into an active volcano. Huge red flags. OP has only been dating the guy for a few months at least, as opposed to a long time, so I'm sure she won't miss him all that much in the end. But it seriously sounds like he just wants to be involved in everything she does, typical of a controlling, manipulative and possibly later abusive boyfriend. I don't see what the problem with her spending some time with friends is. Is he paranoid that she'll talk about him to her friends? or that they'll talk about other "boys" or whatever? Or is he terrified she'll suddenly turn lesbian during a "girls night in"? geez...
Load More Replies...I don't even understand how girls hanging out could be perceived as misogynistic. Like, I'm genuinely baffled.
Same here. Does he maybe mean misandry rather than misogyny?
Load More Replies...God, those types start with this and end up locking you up in the house... Creep.
Load More Replies...This is step one in separating you from your friends and support network. Run away.
This is what controlling and distrustful people do. They flip out when you want to do something they can't be a part of, because they don't like that you do stuff on your own. I'd go as far as to say he may even doubt whether you're only having girls over or maybe also guys. He's gaslighting, he wants to be your owner, not your partner. Also, sexism is something else entirely, he comes off to me as someone who just wants to use the sexism-argument to make a point, whether it is valid or not. Maybe he's called sexist and now wants to even the score or something. REALLY weird. I wonder how he'd react if you ask him whether he organizes a guy's night or not.
This is very weird. Red flag. He's pissed at you for having friends? That's a sign that once he's has you isolated from friends and family, he won't be the "sweet" guy he's been pretending to be.
This is gaslighting: wanting to have a night-in with your friends, but now, it will not be something you will be looking forward to, but something with all sorts of negative emotions pouring in (guilt, fear of losing your friends or your boyfriend, shame, etc.). In every relationship you need to ask: does this add value to my life or does it affect it negatively? Is thinking about him/her/them cause me happiness or a cold, sinking feeling in my stomach? Do I feel stronger with them or weaker?
That is not what gaslighting is though. Gaslighting is: "psychological manipulation of a person usually over an extended period of time that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories and typically leads to confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, uncertainty of one's emotional or mental stability, and a dependency on the perpetrator". There is some gaslighting going on (him blaming the argument on her when he's behaving unreasonable) but It's important that we use the right terms when it comes to abusive relations
Load More Replies...His flipping out is a bad sign. Abusers hide their true personality until one day they flip out. The first sign of domestic abuse is the perpetrator isolates the victim, eventually isolates from family too. They want total control over the victim. They don't want the victim to talk to friends who might point out his actions aren't good. My cousin experienced this. He was really nice to everyone. But slowly he isolated her away from everyone. After they had the first child, the physical abuse started. He was jealous of the time she spent with the baby. It got worse after the second child. He would apologize and then do it again. He had her so confused and manipulated that she thought she deserved it. Finally one night he hit her so hard and she fled to a neighbors, who called the cops. She took the kids and divorced him. It's been a decade. He's still dragging her through courts trying to get the kids. Her life will never be the same. PLEASE LEAVE THAT MAN.
I know "girlfriends" means something slightly different in the USA compared to the UK, but I'm assuming from context that these are platonic friends, with no sex taking place? If that all it is, this guy needs to take a long walk off a short pier.
Yes. "Girlfriend" in USA refers also to platonic friends. Why, I don't know. Also, "Guy Night Out" is common here, so .....this guy is a loser, IMHO.
Load More Replies...





















170
166