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Thanksgiving is meant to be all about gratitude, traditions, and spending quality time with your loved ones. But just because someone is your family member doesn’t make them pleasant to be around. The sad reality is that there are bound to be some bad (sometimes, completely rotten) apples somewhere in your family tree.
One man vented online about the nightmare family Thanksgiving he attended. What started as a wholesome and playful get-together soon warped into something awful, as his toxic sister-in-law started ranting about his wife and kids. Having had enough, he went full-on protector mode and stepped in to stop the nonsense. Read on for the full story. Meanwhile, Bored Panda has reached out to the author, and we’ll update the article once we hear back from him.
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Thanksgiving should be all about having a wholesome time with your family. The problem is, some of your relatives can be so toxic, they ruin everything
Image credits: DragonImages (not the actual photo)
One man wanted to know if he was wrong for calling out his judgmental, insulting sister-in-law, who has a penchant for vile rants, at his family’s Thanksgiving feast
Image credits: Rawpixel (not the actual photo)
Image source: jayboknows
Toxic behavior is horrible for your mental and emotional health. You owe it to yourself and your loved ones to prioritize your well-being
Image credits: Curated Lifestyle (not the actual photo)
Nobody should have to be a victim of the sort of behavior that the sister-in-law in the post perpetuated. Hypocritical, insulting, judgmental, truly toxic rants shouldn’t be tolerated.
There have to be very clear consequences for this sort of disrespectful behavior. That’s why communicating and then enforcing healthy boundaries is so important. That way, you protect your mental and emotional health, as well as that of your loved ones.
If one of your relatives is an awful human being who verbally attacks you, your partner, and your children every chance they get, the obvious thing to do is to spend less time around them, after you call them out.
Meanwhile, in truly serious cases, it might be best for you to go full no-contact with them. At least until they prove to you that they’ve fundamentally changed as a human being (rare though possible).
Even in clear-cut situations where the other person is fully to blame, you might feel guilty or selfish about putting your well-being first. This is completely natural. However, having conflicting feelings still shouldn’t change your mind about doing what you know is the right thing.
‘Parents’ magazine stresses that it’s crucial to set boundaries so that toxic family members can no longer harm your mental health. If you leave the issue unresolved, it can lead to stress, anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.
Andrew Roffman, LCSW, from NYU Langone Health, told ‘Parents’ that toxic behavior can be demeaning, hurtful, or exploitative. People who behave this way disregard the emotional experience and well-being of others.
“Toxicity of this behavior is amplified in families as family life is, ideally, the context where one wants and needs to feel safest, securest, and most cared for and accepted,” Roffman said.
Meanwhile, Leslie Halpern, PhD, from the Ferkauf Graduate School of Psychology at Yeshiva University, explained to ‘Parents’ that toxic people are “typically individuals who never hesitate to criticize you or others in their family and tend to blame others for their own life’s problems and unhappiness.”
Halpern notes that they can also be psychologically manipulative and gaslight you. “Sometimes they can be manipulative and act as though it is your behavior that is harming them or that you are not caring for or showing them enough respect or love and taking care of their own needs.” In other words, whatever you do for them, it’s never going to be enough.
Someone who continues to disrespect your boundaries and leaves you feeling drained should make you reconsider spending (any) time with them
Image credits: Curated Lifestyle (not the actual photo)
Some red flags that indicate that someone is a toxic individual include things like creating unnecessary drama, lying, unpredictable behavior, disrespecting your boundaries, and not taking responsibility for their behavior.
A good rule of thumb to follow when you’re considering whether or not to cut someone out of your life is to think about how they reacted to you setting boundaries. If you’ve asked them to stop their toxic behavior with you, your significant other, and your children, but they ignore you, it’s time to put an end to this relationship.
Moreover, if you constantly feel drained, instead of empowered, after your interactions with a family member, it’s also time to take a step back and put your mental health first.
NPR suggests that if you want to avoid major arguments during Thanksgiving, you should try to set rules and boundaries beforehand.
If some sensitive topics always lead to nasty fights, it’s best to agree not to touch them and focus on other things. In the meantime, if things get heated, you could try to (not so) subtly change the subject.
The main issue with sensitive issues like politics, religion, and someone’s parenting abilities is that many people come from a place of judgment. However, if you were to come from a position of curiosity, it could lead to everyone learning something new, and having an actual discussion.
“These conversations can actually go well if we start from a place of curiosity rather than judgment. Curiosity opens the door to empathy and compassion, where judgment simply breeds division and shame. If we commit to creating safe spaces and building trust with each other, then there is no need for difficult conversations to become large-scale conflicts,” Lindsey Horvatich, from Orlando, Florida, told NPR.
What’s more, when someone continues to be rude toward you, you always have the option to simply… walk away.
What do you think, Pandas? How would you have reacted to a toxic relative spewing nonsense about your loved ones during the holidays? Has anything similar ever happened to you during Thanksgiving or another family get-together? What do you do to protect your mental health, and how do you know that it’s time to cut someone out of your life for good? Let us know in the comments.
People were utterly horrified by what happened, and they came out in support of how the man handled the Thanksgiving drama
Meanwhile, other readers also rushed to express their admiration for how the author finally enforced some healthy boundaries with his sister-in-law
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What do you think ?
Luke Branwen 3 weeks ago
Notice how it's always the biggest losers who are the most hateful and bigoted. I'm frankly worried about "Lisa's" kids, since she sounds like an extremely eager child-beater. We all know what this kind of person means by "discipline".
Austzn 3 weeks ago
She'll teach those kids that it is normal too and might continue the cycle.
Load More Replies...
FreeTheUnicorn 3 weeks ago
It's really important to model the behaviour you want your kids to learn. OP did the right thing, teach your kids that you stand up for your partner and children, and that you don't take endless a.buse if someone treats you disrespectfully, you try to talk, if they won't stop you leave the situation. This was the only thing you could do
Kate Johnson 3 weeks ago
Personally I think life is too short to waste my time around obnoxious people like this, regardless of an accident of DNA. This family sounds quite toxic. I wouldn't want my children exposed to them.
monsieur mabel 3 weeks ago (edited)
..."she can get like this".......um, no she can't, especially with children......
arthbach 3 weeks ago
Yup, she can only 'get like this' when her family are prepared to allow her to act in this way. As usual, it's not the person who is behaving badly that is deemed to be in the wrong, but the one who is calling out their behaviour.
Load More Replies...
J R 3 weeks ago
NTA. "It's Thanksgiving!" So why didn't the MIL stop Lisa? Their grandson "needs to understand his aunt can get like this!" No. The aunt needs to understand that her behavior is unacceptable, and the stepson needs to understand Lisa was verbally a*****e. Good for OP for getting his family out of there. I grew up in an emotionally a*****e household. When adults teach kids that sometimes adults "just get like this," it is a form of gaslighting and emotional a***e. It tells the kids that it is their responsibility to avoid anything that sets an adult off.
Janelle Collard 3 weeks ago
Hope OP + his wife went NC with Lisa and LC with anyone in wife's fam who say, "Be the bigger person, let it go, you know how Lisa is," etc. If you're not shuting down Lisa, you're part of the problem.
Luke Branwen 3 weeks ago
Notice how it's always the biggest losers who are the most hateful and bigoted. I'm frankly worried about "Lisa's" kids, since she sounds like an extremely eager child-beater. We all know what this kind of person means by "discipline".
Austzn 3 weeks ago
She'll teach those kids that it is normal too and might continue the cycle.
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 3 weeks ago
It's really important to model the behaviour you want your kids to learn. OP did the right thing, teach your kids that you stand up for your partner and children, and that you don't take endless a.buse if someone treats you disrespectfully, you try to talk, if they won't stop you leave the situation. This was the only thing you could do
Kate Johnson 3 weeks ago
Personally I think life is too short to waste my time around obnoxious people like this, regardless of an accident of DNA. This family sounds quite toxic. I wouldn't want my children exposed to them.
monsieur mabel 3 weeks ago (edited)
..."she can get like this".......um, no she can't, especially with children......
arthbach 3 weeks ago
Yup, she can only 'get like this' when her family are prepared to allow her to act in this way. As usual, it's not the person who is behaving badly that is deemed to be in the wrong, but the one who is calling out their behaviour.
Load More Replies... J R 3 weeks ago
NTA. "It's Thanksgiving!" So why didn't the MIL stop Lisa? Their grandson "needs to understand his aunt can get like this!" No. The aunt needs to understand that her behavior is unacceptable, and the stepson needs to understand Lisa was verbally a*****e. Good for OP for getting his family out of there. I grew up in an emotionally a*****e household. When adults teach kids that sometimes adults "just get like this," it is a form of gaslighting and emotional a***e. It tells the kids that it is their responsibility to avoid anything that sets an adult off.
Janelle Collard 3 weeks ago
Hope OP + his wife went NC with Lisa and LC with anyone in wife's fam who say, "Be the bigger person, let it go, you know how Lisa is," etc. If you're not shuting down Lisa, you're part of the problem.
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