"if life gives you lemons, rob the tree for some limes too."

#1

Money may not buy happiness, but it sure helps with the down-payment!

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    #2

    You always remember to not put aluminum foil in the microwave. You never remember to not put freshly microwaved 3000 degree pizza rolls in your mouth.

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    #3

    I would choose a battle of wits, but I can see you’re unarmed.

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    #4

    "Curiosity killed the cat" my mother used to tell me "But satisfaction brought it back" I always shot back. I also say, "It is what it is" quite a bit.

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    #5

    “I wouldn’t pi$$ in her a$$ if her guts were on fire.” This gem came from my late MIL. It’s just one of many. I miss her so much.

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    #6

    May the bird of paradise fly up your nose-my dad, I have no idea

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    #7

    When a customer clicks to get my attention I tell him it takes more than two fingers to make me cum

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