So last month I met a girl on Quora. We quickly became best friends and texted each other CONSTANTLY, only taking weekends for breaks and social recharges. It became obvious we both felt like more than friends and she recently asked me to be her girlfriend. (Btw, I know she’s not some 40-year-old because we have sent each other videos through Gmail and know how the other looks and sounds).
I explained I was not ready and she said she understood. But shortly after our conversations became dry, it would take her at least 20-30 minutes to respond to a text when we were having a conversation, and we would only talk for like half an hour MAX, unlike how we would talk for 5 hours minimum, respond right away, and we could talk about anything.
I have had bad friendships in the past so when I met her, I didn’t wanna lose her, neither does she. I started thinking she hated me, that I ruined our friendship by not being her girlfriend, and so many other irrational and anxious thoughts. I have had a history of mild anxiety, but it’s never been THIS bad.
I let this bother me for about 4 or 5 days until today. I got the courage to tell her about my anxiety on this and hoped she understood. She replied a while later and thankfully was cool with it, explained why she wasn’t as talkative, and was even happy I admitted it!
So Pandas, how do I manage my stupidly irrational anxiety in the future?
IMPORTANT: None of my parents or any of my family know about my Quora or even this Bored Panda account. I can’t come to them and risk losing my account and stuff, they also don’t know about my secret Gmail. Plus my parents basically banned crying and anger in my house so I’d probably be yelled at for being anxious about this.
Also before you guys say I’m a terrible person for expecting her to reply instantly, I AM AWARE PEOPLE HAVE LIVES, I just have irrational anxious thoughts! It’s also not helping that it’s never been like this.
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My daughter has anxiety attacks. Apart from focusing on breathing (exhaling reduces the heart rate, inhaling increases it.) Having a sensory object that brings some comfort, such as a rubber spiked keychain, something furry, a fidget toy, that helps take some of the focus off of the anxiety trigger may help.
Thinking strategies take time to practice but do help a lot. Think of some questions to ask yourself for when you get into triggering situations. Like, "What is happening in your surroundings that is making you uncomfortable?" "Is there anything to be afraid of?" "What is the mood of the room? What are other people doing?" It sort of gives you something to train your mind on how to rationalize the situation. There's other questions mental health clinicians can give you.
Pracitice mindfulness meditation so you could see anxiety attacks coming from miles away.
Doing breathing techniques while experiencing anxiety.
Psychotherapy and reflection after anxiety attacks.
