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147
Mom Throws Gender Reveal Without Pregnant Daughter, Still Thinks She’s The Victim
Interview With Expert
Becoming a parent for the first time is a life-changing experience. The mom and dad-to-be spend months frantically preparing for the new member of their family to arrive, while their relatives try to do everything they can to help. But as lovely as it is to have support from your parents during this time, it can be frustrating when they try to take the reins.
One woman recently shared a story on Reddit of how her mother decided she needed to have a gender reveal party during her pregnancy. And instead of accepting the boundaries she set, her mother went through with the event anyway. Below, you’ll find the full story, as well as conversations with therapists Courtney Glashow, LCSW, and Jeffrey Young, MA, LMFT.
RELATED:
This new mom had no plans to publicly reveal her child’s gender
Image credits: Kateryna Hliznitsova / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
But her mother was adamant that they needed to throw a party anyway
Image credits: prostock-studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Oscar Aragon / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: HmIdkYImHere
Image credits: Kateryna Hliznitsova / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Many people consider gender reveal parties to be problematic
Whether you’re a parent or not, I’m sure you’re familiar with the idea of a gender reveal party. Often, couples surprise their friends and family members by serving cupcakes with either blue or pink frosting in the middle or popping balloons that are filled with blue or pink confetti.
These parties are meant to be joyous celebrations for everyone excited about the new baby. But in recent years, many have been calling out these events for being problematic.
In 2021, a California couple was charged with 30 crimes after a pyrotechnic device at their gender reveal party sparked a massive wildfire that ended up destroying five homes, 23,000 acres of land, 15 buildings and even claimed the life of one firefighter.
And in 2022, a Brazilian couple came under fire for environmental damage after they dyed a 60-foot-tall waterfall blue to announce that they would be having a son. Unfortunately, these are far from the only stories of gender reveal parties gone wrong.
But these celebrations have not only fallen out of public favor because of how over-the-top and dangerous they’ve become. Nowadays, many also take issue with the idea that the body a child is born into can be used to determine their gender.
A 2022 survey from the Pew Research Center found that 38% of Americans believe a person’s gender can be different from the s*x they’re assigned at birth, and 64% favor laws and policies that protect transgender people from discrimination.
There’s no need to impose gender stereotypes on children from birth when there’s always a chance that they’ll grow up and decide that they don’t identify as the gender Mom and Dad placed on them while they were still in the womb. Instead, parents should simply celebrate having a happy, healthy baby. That’s all that really matters.
Image credits: user25451090 / Freepik (not the actual photo)
“Having a narcissistic parent often means the focus is always on them”
To gain more insight into this situation, we got in touch with Courtney Glashow, LCSW, owner and psychotherapist at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and discuss some of the challenges of having a narcissistic parent.
“Having a narcissistic parent often means the focus is always on them. It can feel like your thoughts, feelings, and boundaries are constantly dismissed or minimized,” Courtney explained. “A big challenge is the emotional exhaustion that comes from trying to get a parent like this to acknowledge your needs. There’s also a sense of guilt that can come up when you try to stand up for yourself, especially when you’ve been conditioned to prioritize the parent’s feelings over your own.”
We were also lucky enough to get in contact withJeffrey Young, MA, LMFT, to hear his thoughts on this situation. Jeffrey is an individual and couples therapist, trained in the Gottman Method, Emotionally-Focused Therapy, and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). He is the founder of Thriveways, a program devoted to Men’s Mental Wellness, and sees clients in person at The Relationship Place, and virtually, holding a license in California and Texas.
He also explained some of the hurdles of dealing with a narcissistic parent. “Picture this: you’re trying to live your life, but your mom’s got a spotlight on herself so bright it could blind NASA. A narcissistic mother isn’t just ‘a bit self-absorbed’; she’s often a one-woman show where everyone else is a supporting actor—or worse, a prop,” Jeffrey shared.
He noted that some of the biggest challenges one might face are riding an emotional rollercoaster, always seeing your needs be ignored, constantly being manipulated, falling into an “approval trap” and fighting boundary battles.
“Narcissists struggle with empathy, so your feelings, dreams, or boundaries often get steamrolled. Want to skip the family reunion? Good luck explaining that to a mom who sees your absence as a personal attack,” the expert says.
“Many kids of narcissistic moms crave their approval, even as adults. It’s like chasing a mirage—you keep trying, but she’s never fully satisfied,” Jeffrey continued. “This can lead to low self-esteem or people-pleasing habits that spill into other relationships.”
“These challenges aren’t just annoying—they can leave you feeling drained, confused, and stuck,” the expert shared. “But here’s the good news: you can navigate this. Let’s talk boundaries, because that’s where the magic happens.”
Courtney says to keep them simple and direct. “You don’t owe long explanations. The more you try to justify or explain, the more room there is for pushback or manipulation,” Courtney shared. “It also helps to set realistic expectations. You may not get understanding or validation from them, and that’s okay. Boundaries are for your protection, not their approval.”
“Boundaries aren’t about changing your mom; they’re about protecting your peace”
Jeffrey also noted that it’s important to get clear on your limits. “Before you talk to Mom, figure out what you need. Maybe it’s no unsolicited advice about your parenting, or no showing up unannounced,” he shared. “Be specific. Vague boundaries like ‘respect me’ are too easy for a narcissist to wiggle around.”
He recommends using the “Broken Record Technique” as well. “[For] example: ‘I’m not discussing my career choices. Let’s talk about something else.’ If she pushes, repeat. It’s like training a toddler, but with better vocabulary,” Jeffrey told Bored Panda.
The therapist also says to be direct, not emotional. And back up your words with actions. “If she keeps calling after you’ve asked for a break, let her calls go to voicemail,” Jeffrey noted. “If she shows up uninvited, don’t let her in. Actions show you mean business.”
And if necessary, don’t be afraid to recruit backup. “If you’re married or have supportive friends, loop them in. My client Sarah had her husband politely reinforce, ‘We’ve decided no gender reveal party,’ which made it harder for her mom to steamroll,” Jeffrey shared.
Practice self-care, and remember that boundaries aren’t about changing your mom. “They’re about protecting your peace. And trust me, you deserve that peace,” the therapist continued.
So how can we respond when they continue to overstep boundaries we’ve set? “If someone keeps crossing the line after you’ve been clear, it’s okay to step back. That might mean limiting how much you share with them or creating more space in the relationship,” Courtney told Bored Panda.
“In some cases, cutting contact can be the healthiest choice, but it’s very personal and never easy. It usually comes after a long history of hurt and attempts to make the relationship work,” she continued.
Jeffrey recommends staying calm and restating your boundaries first. Then, continue to enforce them. “If she keeps pushing, it’s time for consequences. This isn’t about punishment—it’s about showing that your boundaries have teeth,” he noted.
If you must, skip the event that she’s adamant about throwing, the therapist continued. And limit contact if that will be helpful. You can also control how much information your parent receives. “If she’s using info (like your due date) to plan unwanted events, share less,” Jeffrey says. “Grey-rocking—being boring and vague—works wonders.”
And, of course, get support. “Dealing with boundary violations can feel isolating. Talk to a therapist, trusted friend, or partner to stay grounded. Online communities (like Reddit’s r/raisedbynarcissists) can also be a goldmine for validation and tips,” the therapist continued. “You’re not alone in this.”
“You’re not just navigating a narcissistic mother—you’re rewriting the script for your own story”
As for whether or not it’s appropriate to cut your parent off, Jeffrey recommends considering it if your parent’s behavior is consistently toxic. But if your unsure, he says you can try low-contact first. And remember, it doesn’t always have to be permanent.
“Going no-contact can bring relief, but also grief, guilt, or fear of ‘what ifs.’ That’s normal,” Jeffrey says. “Therapy can help you process this. One client told me, ‘Cutting off my mom felt like losing a limb, but also like I could finally breathe.'”
Courtney also added that moments like this can bring up a lot of grief. “People expect pregnancy and family milestones to feel joyful, but it can also bring up old wounds and complicated dynamics,” she shared. “Therapy can be a great space to unpack all of that and figure out how to move forward in a way that feels healthy and grounded.”
Finally, Jeffrey says, “If your mom’s fixated on that party, it’s not about balloons—it’s about control. By refusing to engage, you’re reclaiming your power. Imagine her face when she realizes her pink-and-blue extravaganza is a no-go. You’ve got this!”
“Dealing with a narcissistic mother is like trying to herd cats while riding a unicycle and juggling flaming torches. It’s tough, but you’re tougher,” he continued. “The challenges—emotional whiplash, manipulation, and boundary battles—are real, but so is your ability to set limits, enforce them, and decide what role (if any) she gets to play in your life. Whether it’s shutting down a gender reveal party or taking a bigger step like no-contact, every choice you make is a step toward your peace and freedom.”
“So, grab a coffee, give yourself a high-five for surviving this far, and keep those boundaries shiny and strong,” Jeffrey shared. “You’re not just navigating a narcissistic mother—you’re rewriting the script for your own story. And that, my friend, is something worth celebrating (no balloons required).”
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Then, you can find another Bored Panda article discussing similar family dynamics right here.
Readers were appalled by the mother’s behavior, and the author joined in on the conversation to share more details
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What do you think ?
Dirk Daring 7 months ago
Demanding a gender reveal party is insanely creepy. It's like they are shouting, "TELL US ABOUT YOUR CHILD'S GENITALS!"
KatSaidWhat 7 months ago
And just like that, I go no contact. And you don't get to see the baby for the first year and only then when you have done the biggest, most public apology and acknowledgement of how big an a*****e ALL OF YOU were.
Dirk Daring 7 months ago
Demanding a gender reveal party is insanely creepy. It's like they are shouting, "TELL US ABOUT YOUR CHILD'S GENITALS!"
KatSaidWhat 7 months ago
And just like that, I go no contact. And you don't get to see the baby for the first year and only then when you have done the biggest, most public apology and acknowledgement of how big an a*****e ALL OF YOU were.
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