Woman Realizes She Has No Real Friends After She Gets Engaged

I was always the outside friend. I no longer bother with them and their lives. And honestly, I am not even a little sad.

Don't you just love how they twisted her attempt to clarify into an accusation of being cheap? Guilty conscious much? Yes, they were being cheap... and yes, she probably wanted to clarify if they were being cheap... but - damn - how the hell do they know she wasn't trying to start up on "thank you" cards already? S**t, for that cheap-a*s group spend, it would probably cost her more to send a card to each of them.

I was so the outsider friend that guess who hasn't been the one in the FB pics of even "friends" for years now.. ? It still hurts. Quite a lot. Living in the same town and working literally in town. Never ends hearing about them or seeing them all together with their kids. I had to have mine on my own. Had absolutely no friends along my journey.

Someone spoke about the dynamic changing, but didn’t really get it right. I too was the last one of my supposed “friends” to get married. I too was always there for them, attended their weddings and baby showers and housewarmings and all. Yet when I announced I was getting married, all I got was disbelief and scoffing. No gifts either. They didn’t get invited to the wedding. You see, me being the last one to get married meant that they could feel superior to me because they had settled down and I was still single. But when I was actually going to be just like them, that killed the dynamic and my place in the group. Instead of being welcomed into “the club”, I was basically left out in the cold. That, I think, is the vibe with OP’s friends. Since OP will no longer be the token group member whose only role is to make the rest of them feel superior, their interest in having her around is gone. Her former place in the group has been nullified. OP just needs to do what I did, and that’s to say “F**k ‘em”, and dump that group of bitches—-except maybe, but only maybe, the only one who showed up at that one party, if she’s really worth it (probably not, as she joined them in everything else)—-and find new friends. A diverse group of friends who don’t base their feelings of accomplishment on whether they’re married or not. Oh yeah, by the way, all those married ex-friends of mine? Divorced, every single one of them, some of them divorced shortly after I got married, meaning their marriages were already on the rocks, and their “superiority” was built on quicksand,, a pile of lies. My husband and I? We’ll be celebrating 24 years together next May. Our relationship is also just as strong as ever—-and that’s not a lie.

I was so ready to conclude this person was the TA. But no, she just needs new friends :/

Outsider friend! Thats me! I never had the word for it!!!

Yeah, that stings… I reconnected with my old friend group from school about a year ago. When I told them I was buying a house (I grew up poor, so this is a very big thing for me), not even one of them congratulated me. I feel really sorry for OP, and I hope she can find better people who value her.

Suggestion to the Bride-to-Be: write an online note to all of them and "thank" them for being such 'wonderful friends' and then let it go. I used to show how much I cared by attending showers, weddings, and (unfortunately) any funeral's of their family members. When my younger brother (my only sibling) passed away after a surgery - age 47 - no one showed up to his viewing. I stopped caring about those "friends".

The last wedding we were invited to was awful. If it wasn't for one of my husband's best friends we wouldn't have gone. It was out in the middle of nowhere which was fun to get to without our own car, and there was no food provided for our kid who has a reduced diet so we had to bring food for our kid (at least they told us in advance they had no intention of providing safe food). But we went and gave a present because they had made an effort for our wedding so we did the same for theirs.

It's taken me a while to do it, but I am also the outside friend in a friendship with my roomie from boarding school. For years she gave me these weird vibes and she told me stuff like "if we lived together I'd throw you out of the flat because you're so lazy" because I'm unemployed and really struggling to do chores at home. This weird vibe went on and on and then about 2 years back I was to be tested for autism and they found that I am gifted and have (strong) autistic traits but not being autistic (I still doubt this is correct but nvm). My "friend" told me "I know that you're weird. But I work with several autistic ppl and you are not THAT weird" says the person who hasn't lived with me or seen me for more than a few hours at a time duting the past 25 years. Then we didn't speak for a about a year and I invited her for my 40th b-day and she made weird excuses not to come. She invited me to her 40th birthday which happens to be the same day as I am going to my bf's dad's b-day....

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This reminds me a bit of 'The DUFF.' (Excellent YA book, absolutely terrible movie.) Everybody sometimes feels like the outsider in a group, the person who's less of a priority, but if you're in a group of actual friends, they'll be like, "We're so sorry we made you feel that way, how can we do better next time?' If they shrug it off like, 'Whatever, I was busy,' or otherwise don't seem to care, they're not actual friends and you shouldn't feel bad ditching them.

Have a registered wedding then go on a nice honeymoon, weddings are rubbish way to waste money

The fiance is a keeper! Your friends are losers and obviously don't give a damn about you or your special day. It doesn't matter what has happened over the years. Things have changed, and not for the better. Any man who goes to bat for you like that is worth his weight in gold. Keep him, ditch the "friends".

Did you call them? Or you should have do a confrontation. Now you know that my dear good loving girl. Lol

NTA and you are SO blessed to have a fiancee who has your back!

Good fiance, terrible 'friends'. It's an outright disrespect, it's like saying "Yeah, whatever, we can keep her hangin' around just in case we need to use her for something. Sucker." they're showing an absolutey UNwillingness to put in **any** effort to 'be there' for you. "Oh... it's not going to entertain ME... so ... I'll just blow off her wedding, whatever." seriously. What kind of a friend is that? NOT a friend. It happens to me too. I'm the sucker who reaches out, listens, offers to help... and when I need help ... all I hear are crickets in the dark. Thanks for nothing!

Either her 'friends' really suck, or, hear me out... There is something about her. If not even 1 out of 6 was willing to go against the grain and be supportive, I'd be asking if I did something to offend them. However, I have exactly 0 friends, so this is purely speculative.

They aren’t your friends and haven’t been for a long time. But I bet that, up until now, you have been convenient for them in some way - maybe organizing things, babysitting or giving gifts. Even being the designated driver. You are supposed to be a supporting player. But your wedding is inconvenient for them and means you are the center of attention and they can’t bear that.

I would confront them for their cowardness...maybe even send each one 8 USD to buy some balls,cause obviously they have a lack of this Then turn around and never look back,they ain't worth it

NTA. Your peace is more important. Searching acceptance from others and calculating how much is being spent on others will only cause sadness and despair. They're busy, money's tight, everyone is on a different walk in their life. They need to tell themselves that they're not cheap / selfish, and they have to live with those choices. Lucky you see this now before your real family begins.

Same with me, realized I had no one to invite.

Call the all out on the group chat, tell them what arseholes they are, uninvited them from your wedding and from your life. You will find new friends who will value you more both emotionally and monetarily. I had friends like this just before I turned 30, I would regularly contribute a decent amount for a gift, once for a leather jacket, they got me a group gift of a cd rack and not even a decent one at that for my 30th. I knew where I stood after that.

Know this feeling of disappointment. Invited my then best friend to my wedding. He just said that he could not make it due to work. My wedding would have been a year later. No contact anymore.

That’s really sad actually, sometimes losing friends is worse than heartbreak. It will be a shadow on her wedding when they aren’t there. I hope there’s at least one good one in the lot that stays close. Poor thing

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I absolutely understand where you are coming from on a personal level. At the same time, and I think this should become a national warning, a guest at a wedding is not obliged to bring a gift. To even connect a wedding to gifts, whether in thought or even on the invitations ('we have a registry') is tacky. Of course you can bring a gift if you want, but it's not obligatory. Otherwise your gift would serve as a ticket of entry to a wedding, which would make it a transactional event rather than a happy day that you want to share with others. The, rather old-fashioned, invitations said it best: they requested to have the pleasure of having so-and-so attend their wedding. Their presence, not their presents.

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Huh. Well, the friends are clearly trying to passive aggressively communicate some kind of a purposeful and obvious devaluing of the OPs wedding, but doesn’t think it’s because they dislike the groom. Groom proceeds to go ballistic in a boundary free, name calling blaze. So, he red flagged up a storm, literally tell her he’s a psycho for this and she still doesn’t understand it’s likely the guy whose abusive tendencies she’s completely ignoring. He apparently goes on the attack when angry. They might really care about her but don’t want to support her marrying him. Or they are all jerks and she didn’t notice all these years. Could be either but there is evidence of the former