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“My Mom Was Disowned”: 47 Unbelievable Things People Found Out About Their Parents
There is a moment in every child’s life when the realization that their parents don’t tell them everything dawns on them. This, of course, feels very unfair, and sometimes it is, but there are a few cases out there where keeping the kids in the dark was the right move.
Someone asked “What was a secret your mom or dad kept from you, that actually shook you to your core when finding out?” and people spilled the beans. So get comfortable as you scroll through, upvote your favorites and be sure to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section down below.
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#1
About 8 years ago my brother and I got an email from a man looking for his birth mother. It included a picture of a couple and I could tell it was definitely my mother. My bother and I thought this has to be a joke or a scam so I confronted my mother and at first she denied that she was the one in the picture. After some time she admitted that it was her. Born in Japan and married at 18 she gave birth to a baby boy but unfortunately her husband had passed away. This was around the 1950’s in Japan and it was very difficult at that time to be a single parent with no income. The details weren’t clear but she made the choice to give her son up for adoption to an American naval couple thinking they would be able to give him a better life.
She never told anyone about this until the day I received that email and discovered that I had a half brother. We eventually all met him and it was wonderful. We all live in California just an hour away from each other not knowing this for years. My mom cried when she saw him and said “I thought I would never see you again”. I was so happy for my mother that she was able to see that he did have a wonderful life with his adoptive parents. She passed away six months later.
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#2
I had been married about 10 years and my parents were staying with us for a visit. My father walks over to the piano and starts playing... no music sheets, just playing. Even starts taking requests. We never had a piano growing up, there was never any mention that he was in any way musical. In middle school I was in band learning the saxophone... never a peep about a musical back ground. And audible WTAF was heard that day.
#3
My parents got divorced when I was a toddler. They told me they got divorced because they had a "big disagreement", the disagreement was apparently about whether or not it was okay that dad broke my oldest sister's arm when she told him he's not allowed to hit mom. She was 10 at the time.
No one told me until I was a teenager.
#4
My parents argued frequently when I was young. I remember my father once telling my mother that my sister and I would be ashamed of her if we ever found out what she had done before they were married. After my father passed away, that comment stayed with me for years, I found myself endlessly wondering what this supposed secret could be. Given that I knew she had done some modeling in her younger days, my imagination ran in predictable directions.
A few years ago, I finally worked up the nerve to ask her directly. What she confessed genuinely caught me off guard: in the late 1960s and early 1970s, she had regularly pulled heists with a male friend stealing designer goods, jewelry, and the like.
It was a lot to take in. She has always seemed like the most ordinary, law-abiding person I know.
Rick Murray 6 hours ago
My mom was a normal mom, strict in the right sort of way. But she didn't hide her past where she was very politically active and went to Woodstock on the back of a Harley with a guy she'd never met before (who was a total gentleman, brought her back as well). She couldn't really hide it as the whole thing regarding equal rights and Vietnam was a large part of the reason why she bailed on her very Republican family and crossed an ocean and spent most of her life in the UK (first half) and France (second half). But, yeah, people have pasts and sometimes they're interesting.
#5
My mother casually mentioned her first husband while our family was out to dinner. I was about 16 and had no idea she had been married to someone before my dad. I was pretty shocked. Then she told the story of how he threw her down a flight of stairs in a successful attempt to terminate her first pregnancy. I’ve been angry about this for 30 years.
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 15 hours ago (edited)
The absolute pos. Good for the mother to have gotten away.
#6
In our early 30’s my brother and I (14 months younger than me) found out our dad thought my brother wasn’t his for the first few years.
My mom and dad were already separated by the time my brother was conceived and when my dad would come to pick me up I would cry if my “baby” couldn’t come so my dad would take both us. After a while I guess my dad accepted my brother as his since he does look a bit like my dad, and for sure has his personality. My dad ended up raising both of us and we never knew or heard this story until a family dinner when we were in our 30’s.
Fast forward 15 years and my mom casually told me that she is almost certain that my uncle is my brothers dad since she did the deed with both of them during a crazy weekend. She went into a little (TMI) detail and I believe her.
That is one secret I will take to the grave with me, it would serve no purpose to say any of this to anyone. I love my brother and I love my dad and I wouldn’t want either one of them to get hurt by this. My mom and dad haven’t talked in probably 30 years.
#7
My dad had a whole other family before he met and married my mom. Even my mom didn't know. She found out when his 16 year old daughter showed up one day. He and his daughter fought and he sent her packing.
All THAT happened just *before* I was born. They never mentioned it. I was an older teenager when I found out. I was like "who is Sonia?" Big pause. "She's your older sister".
Also: I didn't know my mom could tap dance until one day, in her 70's, she just tap danced across the kitchen one day. I mean SHE WAS GOOD. My jaw dropped. Whhhaaat?
#8
That my father was a literal spy who helped saved a lot of lives in the 1980s.
#9
I was about 12, and asked my mum why a family friend sent us letters every month. “Oh that’s your child support cheque”. “WHAT??” Well he’s your real dad. I’ve told you that before haven’t I?”
And that’s how I found out she had an affair, resulting in me.
#10
That my dad isn't actually my dad. I was so confused.
As I matured, my respect for him grew in leaps and bound. He didn't have to be my dad, but he chose to anyways, and did am awesome job at it.
Apparently I still disappointed him though, as he specifically wrote me out of his will. That still hurts.
#11
We were raised in poverty. They were not poor. They just chose to live that way.
#12
The reason i was kicked out at seventeen was because my step mom said i was going to hurt my baby step siblings. I found out many years later and was so upset and hurt i still at forty haven’t forgiven them. I’ve never been violent a day in my life. Always super passive. For my dad to just go along with it was heartbreaking. I loved my father.
#13
My mom was disowned for dating and marrying my dad. I was a grandma's boy. I was definitely the favorite grandchild; we spent a lot of time together. Mom joked she had to pry me out of her arms the first time she saw me. My grandparents loved my dad and vice versa. My grandparents leaned on my dad for everything. Bypassing my uncle entirely (which he absolutely hated). I even share my middle name with my grandpa, so it's not like she didn't love her parents. That's what I saw growing up, so I just thought that's how it always was. I was in my teens at the lake with my grandparents and aunts when my aunt mentioned, "Judy was disowned..." I had the "wait, that's my mom's name" moment. Turns out they hated him, he had long hair, rode a motorcycle, didn't talk to his family (left the day he graduated), was married and divorced once already, never saw his other son (they assumed because of him when it was actually his ex-wife). It was them or him, and my mom chose him. They were always close so this sounded absurd. No contact for 5 years total. 2 years after they married, I came along, and my mom was exhausted, broke down, and called my grandma for help. She gets there and assumes my dad isn't there and that he's coming home late because he's a "deadbeat" (her words during the story). Nope, he was working 12-hour days then plowing snow or loading trucks for cash till 2 am, so my mom didn't have to work. He came home to pack a lunch and head back out, and my grandma cooked for him and apologized for not giving him a chance. If I didn't have both grandparents and 2 aunts there to confirm it, I wouldn't have believed it based on what I saw for 13 years.
#14
**Mom:** she was married before my dad and my "cousins" in Japan are actually half-siblings. Reason why my mom never spoke of her prior marriage was due to how toxic the first husband was. She divorced him within a year of marriage and my two "cousins" were taken in by my Japanese aunt and raised as her kids. I discovered this by accident when looking through old family photo albums and saw a wedding photo of my mom to someone who was not my white American dad. She only kept that one photo because her hair was very pretty in it. She told me the backstory and swore that dad was never to know of this. My dad passed away never knowing this fact.
**Dad:** Never understood why he refused to wear anything indicating he was a veteran or why he had a disdain for the military. I saw all the vets wear those hats and have those car stickers saying they fought in (insert past US war here) and my dad refused all of that stuff saying, "It's stupid to tell the world that." Only learned by the time I was 19 why he never spoke of it. He was a Vietnam Vet (2 tours) and was drafted at the time. All anyone knew of his time in the military was that he came home with a purple heart and a bronze star. That and when he was drafted, about 20 guys (him included) were picked from his hometown to go fight in Vietnam. My dad and 5 other guys were the only ones to come back.
#15
I was autistic. I remember messing around in my older brothers room and finding a book called “Living with Asperger’s”. I was like 8 and couldn’t read so I was like “bro why do you have a book about living with asparagus?”. My brother got embarrassed and said nothing and we never spoke of it for 5 more years until my parents told me I was autistic too and we were going to social groups so we could learn how to interact with other kids, make friends, and have normal conversations instead of just talking about Star Wars for 20min everytime (they put it differently but that’s what it was).
Looking back I was like “oh no, I have asparagus too.”.
#16
I started my first day of school, was 5, and my whole life my parents used a nickname for me that's nowhere close to sounding like my real name.
I was informed by my teacher what my real name was, I cried because I thought she was changing my name and my mom had to come to school to tell me I have a real name and a nickname lol.
T'Mar of Vulcan 26 minutes ago
I've seen the same thing in the school I teach at. Some parents do not tell the child their legal name (which is required to be on the class list), and the teacher will call out the name of the child, and the child will just sit there because they don't know what their legal name is.
#17
Found out my allergic to dogs diagnosis as a kid was actually just my dad not wanting a dog. I've owned two now. No allergies. Just betrayal.
#19
A little bit different- I was working on my family tree and realized that my grandpa’s mother passed in child birth. I had no idea - no one ever talked about it. It made me so sad for him. (My grandfather passed away about 30 years ago). His father lived to be 100 and never remarried.
#20
That my mom kept me from my real dad on purpose. She always told me he didn't want me, and even tried to convince me he was a dream when I asked about him. After he died, we were having coffee in a coffee shop when she just dropped, "You know he wanted to see you when you were growing up, but I wouldn't let him." What do you even say to that? He's not alive, she's just dropped a huge bombshell. I was too stunned to speak
For a long time, she tried to convince me that my stepdad was my real father. Then my real dad wrote us a letter that she left out. (I suspect there were a lot of letters.) I found it and read it and was SO angry.
She not only kept me from knowing my dad, but she also kept me from my older sister and my younger brother. Later in life, I developed a great relationship with my older sister, but she passed away way too young at the age of 54 of brain cancer.
Fortunately, my stepdad was a great dad, even though he did struggle with alcoholism. But I always wondered why my real dad didn't want me growing up. When I was 20, he wrote to me, and we had a few years of a relationship before he passed, so at least I got that.
So thanks for that, Mom!
#21
I fought with my parents regularly about getting me braces when I was a kid. They kept saying they couldn’t afford it, meanwhile came home with 1) a new solid cherry wood bedroom set 2) a new solid maple living room set 3) a Porsche. To this day my mother still claims those purchases were out of necessity.
Fast forward 25years and I got myself Invisalign. I excitedly told my grandma and she said she was happy for me because she and my grandpa offered on more than one occasion to pay for braces when I was a kid and my parents said no because I “didn’t need them”.
I guess their kid’s self esteem wasn’t a necessity.
#22
That my mom had decided NOT to marry my dad…. And then she found out she was pregnant with me.
A generation before that, my grandmother had been forced to marry my grandfather because she was the third girl he had impregnated and his parents told him “three strikes you’re out”.
Neither of these marriages was happy or healthy. Thankfully my mom had the option of divorce.
Sara Frazer 10 hours ago
Yeeesh. We were never married, but my ex and I had been broken up for over a month when I found out I was pregnant. The relationship had been over for a while, we just didn't separate when we should've. We got back together because "it's for the baby!".....yeeeaaahh I should've listened to my gut and never went back. Would've saved a lot of pain and torment and nasty court battles. His betrayals over and over and over. Daughter is a great person! She has definitely already had a waayy better childhood than either of her parents, but..I'm still mad at my past self.
#23
That my Dad was married when he and my Mom met. They moved in together and he abandoned his first wife. My parents don’t know I know this. I found the divorce petition filed by his wife citing abandonment and infidelity. Not surprising given their track records with relationships.
#24
I was in my 20s when Dad told me I have 3 siblings. All 4 of us are from different mothers. And those are just the ones he knows about; I bet there are more, knowing him.
#25
That my brother has a high IQ, is highly intelligent. They knew (it was confirmed in his early years and that HE knew was part of the problem, especially for my stepdad, a narcissist from the books).
He was the black sheep his whole childhood. Constant meltdowns, bad grades, never graduated, no job until his mid twenties, the classic problem child who couldn’t do anything right.
I can’t even imagine what that does to you as a child. Knowing you’re capable but having no one in your family to help you figure it out.
He only got his life together after he finally moved out of my mom’s house.
My mom told me a few years ago as if it was nothing and I’m still sick thinking about how different his life could have been.
Huddo's sister 9 hours ago
My grandparents were quite disappointed with my uncle when he was a teenager. He struggled at school and transferred to a tech school. This was not what my grandpa, in particular, had wanted (even though he himself didn't finish high school and wanted to be a carpenter, until he found that wasn't an option- all those jobs went to returned servicemen- and became a teacher instead). My uncle had quite bad depression then, and on and off the rest of his life. It was only when my uncle was teaching people horticulture at tech school that I think my grandad was really proud. Now, knowing family history etc, I am sure my uncle has ADHD, but I don't think he wants to be diagnosed. It explains why hands on learning was always easier for him. He has a wealth of knowledge, learned from talking to people, teaching others, and travelling the world, but I don't know that my grandad (now deceased) ever really saw that.
#26
My parents divorced when I was 3. It was very....... Difficult. They seemingly hated each other and we (older sis and I) were always in the middle of vicious battles and angry insults. For my entire life, it was rough and I remember being one of the only kids who never was bummed they divorced- they needed it.
The secret? My husband and I (now 34) are on vacation in California with our 2 kids for spring break. I get an urgent video call from my sister and niece. "MOM AND DAD ARE DATING!" what? So what, they deserve to have fun and go on dates with people. "NO. MOM AND DAD ARE DATING EACH OTHER! THEY'VE BEEN Seeing EACH OTHER FOR 4 MONTHS BEHIND OUR BACKS".
WTAF.
Tropical Tarot 3 hours ago
Been there. Done that. Even performed their second marriage. My parents are boomeranged back and forth ever since they separated when I was in high school. He moves back in in about 5 years later he's getting on in years and he's not in the best health because you won't take care of himself so they got remarried so she can get his pension from his time with our local government. It was romantic. I asked him if they wanted to get married to each other one said sure the other one said I guess. Congratulations. But mom being Mom wouldn't let me file the paperwork. She did it even though I'm legally supposed to. He passed in a car accident about 3 years later.
#27
My dad used to be in a famous band before i was born.
#29
That one of my grandmothers was a "party girl" during ww2. They weren't even sure for a while if my dad was my grandfather's.
And that I wasn't really their first child. They had a boy 5 years before me who passed shortly after birth.
#31
When I was a kid and screamed to mom that there was a spider on my bedroom wall, she would come up and squish it with a Kleenex. Many years into adulthood she confessed that she didn’t always find it and just smacked the wall with the tissue.
#32
I was a teenager when I found out my mum was 8 months pregnant with my older sister when she got married. My mum and dad thought we would never put 2 and 2 together until their 18th wedding anniversary and my sister had an 18th birthday 26 days later.
Colleen Glim 8 hours ago
I was seven months pregnant when I got married. Nothing to be ashamed of
#33
My dad had been gone for 12 years when my aunt (his younger sister) died. My cousins were cleaning out the house and gave me and my siblings some baby pics of his son he had before he met my mom. Great - I have a brother I never knew about. Oops, can’t meet him because he passed in an accident in 1983. Thanks dad.
#34
When, during COVID, I started doing some family tree stuff just to pass the time. Chatting to my mum to try to find some more info about my maternal grandfather, she goes "Oh you don't really think he's your grandfather do you? Look how tall I am, and look how short he is!". Cue the bit where she tells me the tall "family friend" my grandmother had forever was actually my grandfather. He had passed away about 8 years prior - really gutted to have not been given the opportunity to relate to him as my grandfather. I saw him only a handful of times a year. And he was a way better human than the person I believed to be my bio GF.
#35
I found out when just was 18 that I had an older brother that my mom put up for adoption when he was born. I was home for spring break from college when an agency called my mom saying their names matched on a registry thst my brother signed up for (it was a closed adoption and he didnt sign up until he was in his late 20s). We met as soon as I returned to school and I later ended up moving to the same city as him. We're pretty close now. He and our mom have a wildly difficult relationship, but that's their issue.
#36
Mom and dad did not want kids but they could not figure out a good way to get rid of the ones they already have.
#37
My Mom had a baby she gave up about 10 years before my older brother was born. I knew kids who were adopted, I had an understanding of what that meant, but when my own Mom told me she had gone through that I was shocked. I was maybe 7 or 8.
As an adult, I have the utmost respect for her. And her giving the baby up also gave my Dad (been divorced almost all my life) “ammunition” to try to turn me against her which was one of the final straws of our relationship. He really thought that over 30 years it wouldn’t have come up and he was dropping a BOMBSHELL accusation against my Mom lol.
#38
I found out my dad is not my bio father. Turns out mom was already pregnant with me when they met. For various reasons, bio father was not in the picture. She and dad married when I was six ~~months~~ weeks old and he got around to officially adopting me when I was about five. They went on to have my three younger siblings and I was never treated any differently in the slightest, and so spent 49 years in total oblivion about it.
#39
Our dog Snoopy didn’t run away, he fell in the pool and drowned. It was an in-ground pool with ladders, not stairs, and no one was around when it happened. Poor guy.
Huddo's sister 9 hours ago
My sister went away on a camp as a teenager and my mum had to look after her two rats. She let them out of the cage but didn't supervise them properly and a door to the rest of the house was opened. One rat went missing and she couldn't find it for days, until she finally found it somewhere it the house, deceased. My mum chose not to tell my sister when she got home that the rat had died, only that it had escaped (claims she thought it would be easier). My sister spent years thinking about her lost rat, worrying what had happened to it, until finally I told her it had died, because I saw how distressed she still was. Unfortunately the other rat also got sick and died not long afterwards.
#40
One day, when I was 15, my dad and I were working on some DIY projects at home. He tells me he wants to tell me something. He then starts to tell me that he was married and divorced from another woman. My parents had been married for over 25 years at this point. Not once had I even heard of the woman he was telling me about. When I got over the initial shock he asked if I had any questions. I asked if they had any kids. To my relief that wasn’t another secret.
#41
Found out at 41 that I was donor conceived.
Huddo's sister 9 hours ago
I used a donor to conceive and the counsellors beforehand are very clear that it is best for the child to know their origin right from the start (in age-appropriate language) because keeping it from them does more harm than good. 41 years ago, this wasn't the thinking though. I am glad this has changed.
#42
At 32 i learned i was born left handed. In unison my 2 brothers exclaimed “That explains everything!” (She didn’t wanna teach me to write lefty).
#43
My dad only wanted one kid…I’m number 2. Sly move in my mum’s behalf. There’s 7 years between me and my older sibling. Weirdly, it was my mum that gave me a harder time growing up! 🤣.
#44
When my parents got married in a double wedding at age 19.....they were already married! They've been married 60 years and my mom only told me this a few years ago.
#45
The night before I left for the Air Force, 17 years old, my mother told me my father never considered my older brother (4 years) his son.
#46
Both my parents worked shift work when I was young. Apparently many of my "Christmas" mornings were not on Christmas at all.
Huddo's sister 9 hours ago
They still celebrated and felt the joy of the day (I assume) so does it matter?
#47
I was supposed to have a different name. When I was born, my dad left the room to make some calls. My mom was looking at me when the nurse came with the paperwork to get my name. She said I didn't look like the name they had chosen. She thought about my dad's best friend that she had a huge crush on and she named me after him. Dad didn't find out until about five years ago (I'm 56). Hahahahaha.
What do you think ?
Rick Murray 5 hours ago
My grandmother on my mother's side wanted a boy. So a boy was obtained. My grandfather wanted a daughter. So a daughter was obtained. The problem was GF worked a lot and was frequently away for days at a time, and GM *hated* the idea of a daughter. Luckily for my mother, the family was a sort of Driving Miss Daisy setup, so it was "the help" who did most of the parenting. But I think part of why mom was so close to me was her parenting philosophy boiled down to "do the exact opposite of everything your mother did". It made her a strong and resilient person, but I can't imagine the sadness she must have felt in childhood to know that not only was she given up for adoption, but that her adoptive mother didn't want her either. This is the same granny that mistreated me, basically because I was my mother's son therefore no good. But, hey, she went to church every Sunday and offered lots of money. Yup, one of those people...
nut nibbler 11 hours ago (edited)
Found out the name of my biological father aged 50, wasn't either of the 2 guys I thought it could be so quite a shock. Now having the name I checked on FB saw people who could be half brothers and sisters, sent message and nothing back, so no loss there. I don't have any other siblings.
Rick Murray 5 hours ago
My grandmother on my mother's side wanted a boy. So a boy was obtained. My grandfather wanted a daughter. So a daughter was obtained. The problem was GF worked a lot and was frequently away for days at a time, and GM *hated* the idea of a daughter. Luckily for my mother, the family was a sort of Driving Miss Daisy setup, so it was "the help" who did most of the parenting. But I think part of why mom was so close to me was her parenting philosophy boiled down to "do the exact opposite of everything your mother did". It made her a strong and resilient person, but I can't imagine the sadness she must have felt in childhood to know that not only was she given up for adoption, but that her adoptive mother didn't want her either. This is the same granny that mistreated me, basically because I was my mother's son therefore no good. But, hey, she went to church every Sunday and offered lots of money. Yup, one of those people...
nut nibbler 11 hours ago (edited)
Found out the name of my biological father aged 50, wasn't either of the 2 guys I thought it could be so quite a shock. Now having the name I checked on FB saw people who could be half brothers and sisters, sent message and nothing back, so no loss there. I don't have any other siblings.
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