I didn't know at the time, it wasn't until I found her Google search history. Turns out she shared a Google account with my 11 year old daughter. So everything she searched would be on my daughter's phone, including Google maps timeline and even photos that were syncing.

Driving to a state park with my daughter I asked her to look up lyrics to a song we were listening to, she got out her phone and I looked over to see 'mormon soaking' in past searches under the search bar, I took note of that and after my daughter went to sleep that night I got on her phone and I found a whole plethora of what the actual f**k.

But looking back on it. My dumb jokes didn't land the same anymore. She was looking for ways to villainize me, loaded questions "what does this mean, who's hand writing is this?"

Subtle ways she changed her makeup, the way she did her hair. She started listening to different music, was guarded about her phone and even yelled at me for trying to be silly and ask her who she was texting while we were watching a movie together as a family. She started talking about a coworker of hers a lot, then stopped all of a sudden, she even went on a road trip with that coworker to visit an old friend of theirs, I trusted her unquestionably. Walmart plus receipts showed that she bought lube before going on that trip. Also, the van broke down on the way back from the road trip and she had it towed to the town she worked in. She stayed there for 6 days until it was fixed.

I'd make chicken noodle soup from scratch and take pictures of it, proud as f**k with myself, she was working late, her only reply was "is the kitchen a mess?"

Google maps shows she'd get off of work at 8pm. Go to a hotel with a Jacuzzi suite, restaurant, movie theater, some residential house, fastfood, then get home at 3am, all while texting me that she missed our daughter and me and how much she wanted to be home. And when she did get home, she'd sit on the porch smoking w**d while on her phone, daughter and I wouldn't know she was home for awhile.

She was living a second life, boyfriend and his kids which she was buying things for, Walmart plus receipts showed Snow gear, sleds, toys for a toddler, men's belts, pants, alcohol, take action pill, I had a vasectomy in 2016, while it left me in chronic pain, it did work. I got it because of how severe the complications were with the birth of our daughter, the midwife and doctor taking me to the side and telling me that we might want to start thinking about which one to save. We moved halfway across the country, I made some friends here not many, I'm socially inept with severe anxiety. After the separation she told everyone that I got the vasectomy to spite her, knowing full well she wanted two more kids. She had a kid with her now husband last January, she had the same complications that she did with our daughter. Anyway, not only did she spread that around but turns out she was running a very effective smear campaign against me 2 years before the separation, everyone turned against me.

Wow, this turned into a rant, my bad, felt kinda good to get out though.

My husband had a dog… she was our first baby. (She was supposed to be mine, but my husband became her person.) She was a border collie/husky cross we think, and was beautiful, smart, well-trained, and fabulous with our kids. 

But she impressed me most with her malicious compliance. She’d started eating what the kids (still tiny back then) would leave on the table. I got mad and told her to stop eating off the table… so she picked up the bowl with left over mac n cheese in it, put it on the floor, and then ate the food. 

I couldn’t even be mad; she did exactly what she was told. 

She’s been gone for 10 years now. We still miss that girl. Best dog ever, and a great nanny dog with the kids. .