People Are Calling Out Toxic Parenting Tactics That Are Still Often Viewed As “Normal” (30 Answers)
Parents like to say that they know what’s best for their child. And who are we to argue? But in some cases, common parenting tactics, even if meant for the best interest of a child, can do more harm than good.
So recently, a thread on r/AskReddit got people weighing in on “normal” parenting tactics that shouldn't be considered normal. Even though discussing parenting with others always verges on the thin line of getting into an argument, some of the responses are truly thoughtful. Think of being protective and overprotective, or comparing a child to their siblings; how much of it is actually toxic?
This post may include affiliate links.
Refusing to apologize when you’re wrong.
Apologize to your children when you're wrong. Admit you don't know something when asked. Change your mind when your child gives you a valid reason. I grew up in an authoritarian household. ... It only teaches kids they have no voice.
Saying that a kid has a boyfriend/girlfriend any time they are close friends with a child who isn't the same gender. On top of reinforcing the idea that boys and girls can't ever be strictly platonic friends, it's so creepy to project adult ideas of romantic relationships onto kids who are practically still toddlers.
Telling your kids your personal problems. Like, 'Your dad is horrible; he didn’t even do the dishes. I hate my marriage.' Your kids are not your therapist. Also, they can’t do anything to solve your problem. Instead, address your issues with your spouse and a therapist.
'You can tell me, and I won't be mad' followed by punishing them for whatever they admit. Then they wonder why their kids never talk to them.
I am sure I have as many parental failings as anyone else (possibly more) but I've never understood this one, even if a parent does stick to not being angry. I've always said to my kids that if they've wronged someone, by accident or on purpose, then that person has a right to be angry. Of course they also have a responsibility about how they behave, just because you let someone down or scratched their car or whatever doesn't mean they can now hit you or pour personal insults on you. But yes, they have a right to express how they feel and you have to accept that. It doesn't mean you're less of a person, it means you're taking it on the chin as you should. I then talk about how these things will come out somehow and that person will always end up angry at some point, and it's a million times better to be upfront and in control and deal with it as soon as possible, than for them to find out you've lied and hidden it from then. Boy, then they're really going to be furious.
Being overly protective. If you don't let your kids fail or protect them too much, they'll be less capable of doing so once they've left home. Failure is good; just provide a safety net.
Failure is a great teacher. Frankly so is pain. To a point, if you don’t let them fail, they will freak out when they do, and they will.
Getting mad for 'disrespect' or 'talking back' when their kids win an argument.
Using humiliation and embarrassment as a punishment.
It's one thing to put a kid in someone else's shoes to show them shaming someone for being different isn't cool. But what this one means is it's toxic to actually cause traumatic humiliation and embarrassment for something like soiling the bed at night, or publicly shaming them just because they did something wrong at home.
Taking away their privacy. Unless your kid has a serious drug or self-harm problem, violating their privacy will almost certainly do more harm than good to their mental health, trust, and their relationship to you. It doesn't matter if it's installing spyware on their phones, tracking their movements, or taking away their bedroom door.
Telling little boys that they cant defend themselves against a girl who is hitting them just because theyre a girl. Thats bs, i was taught to fight back no matter who attacks you. Theres no gender in mutual combat.
EXACTLY. I remember being hit by a boy in kindergarten, and the teacher told him he couldn't hit me because I was a girl. I was FURIOUS. 'I've got a right to be hit! I WANT TO BE HIT!' Long story short, my parents got called in along with the parents of the boy and there was a whole thing about it.
Invalidating their kids' emotions, be it ignoring or shutting them down.
"Stop f*****g crying or I will slap you" one or my dads greatest hits
Making a child eat everything on their plate if they say they aren't hungry anymore. Do you want you kid to have an eating disorder? No, then don't because that's how you can cause one.
That said, you have to allow that parents do know their children and they do know when a child 'isn't hungry' because they have a standard main course and can't be bothered, but half an hour later are going to be whining in the kitchen because they're hungry and can they just have some biscuits or crisps. There's a balancing act, this is why parenting is harding than it looks on the surface.
Forced affection.
This is controversial (especially here in America) but I feel like we say “I love you” way too much to the point it loses its meaning. My dad (who was extremely emotionally abusive) used to force me to say the words “I love you daddy” to him, in private and in front of other people. By nature I have never been an affectionate person, especially in front of others. I don’t like to hug and kiss a lot.
I also don’t believe in making children hug people. If the child wants to hug them, they will. It shouldn’t be forced.
I have an acquaintance whose son's answer to being told "no" is "I love you", like that should change the answer to yes.
Comparing them to their siblings. The good old, 'Why can't you be more like your brother/sister?' does nothing for their self-esteem and really can keep them from becoming their own person. That's all they should be anyway — themselves, not their siblings.
I refused to be like my brother in school simply for that reason. My parents always used that line on me and I HATED it. Not just because my brother was a huge d**k head and a bully.
The old “as long as I’m feeding you, clothing you, you’ll do what i say!” Or the “just be grateful i put a roof over your head”.
Specially If your parents constantly use that sentence to boss you around, disregard your opinions and wants, and belittle you. You didn’t asked to be born. And it’s their obligation to take care of you, not something they should loom over your head as leverage.
Isn’t it crazy how some parents have this mentality? It never even crossed my mind when I had my kids, did everything I was supposed to do, especially the essentials.
Not some, it's the majority of them. Majority of the people in the world aren't self-aware of these things not are they taught about this. They just follow according to their mood or the social/cultural setting, which results on these posts on boredpanda.
Load More Replies...
My mom use to say this and my response was "I didn't get a choice to be born and I did not get to choose who my parents were, so stop making it like I somehow owe you something. You are the selfish person in this situation."
Anytime I see this I think of the incomparable Sidney Poitier in "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?" If you haven't see this movie I HIGHLY suggest it. Anyway his father is arguing with him that Sidney's character OWES him because of what they sacrificed for him. Sidney's character says "You listen to me. You say you don't want to tell me how to live my life. So what do you think you've been doing? You tell me what rights I've got or haven't got, and what I owe to you for what you've done for me. Let me tell you something. I owe you nothing! If you carried that bag a million miles, you did what you're supposed to do! Because you brought me into this world. And from that day you owed me everything you could ever do for me like I will owe my son if I ever have another."
That's a powerful statement. I've got to watch this movie.
Load More Replies...
My FIL did this to my husband. Now that Dad lives with us, there is a little bit of turn-about on that. Let me preface this with Dad has anger issues, zero patience, and expects to be entertained 24/7. "As long as I'm buying the groceries, no we are not getting junk food." "As long as you live under this roof, no slamming doors." "As long as I'm driving we will leave on my schedule or you can take an Über." (After yelling at me while on the phone with a client because I'm not immediately changing the channel for him) "If you are that unhappy here, you are welcome to live elsewhere."
True. But also both ways. If you have a disrespectful teenager for instance that breaks s**t constantly, doesn't abide by curfew/rules/whatever I think a parent is within their rights sometimes to say this. A parent also deserves to be treated with respect. That said, in a situation like described in post where the parent is just authoritarian like that, is shitty and I would never do that to my kids. Respect goes both ways
I always wonder if the people who say that ever try it on other people. Like... if they're basically going up to their child saying "I didn't neglect you, be grateful", do they ever go up to their neighbor saying "I didn't steal your car, be grateful"?
Yes and no. I insist that they contribute to the household. They could pick the chores. Usually little more than about two hours per week but they had the option to do more to get more. Clothes? Given. Name brand? Chores. Food? Given. Taco Bell? Chores. The end result is that she understands give-n-take, how to set up a budget, how to actually cook and is about to begin the process of taking over a business in a few months. She's 17. Very vain and self-centered but quite capable. I did what I could to help her and now she's flying higher than I ever could at that age.
I guess I’m an asshole then because ya .. it’s my house so it’s my rules .. don’t like them then leave .. that being said I’ve never felt like my kids are obligated to me because I took care of them nor do I feel they should be grateful for the bare minimum of a roof over their head ... but ya , I’m paying the mortgage on my own home I get to have the say about how I want to live in my own home .. I’m an adult .. if you don’t like my rules I will absolutly still love you but you can live where you get to have your own rules ... I don’t feel my rules are unreasonable and I do value my kids opinions nor do I belittle them
Reminds me of the old “There’s only one wage coming into this house so what I say goes!” He rather enjoyed trotting out that line until my Ma got a better paying job than him and he lost that financial leverage (not that I paid much attention to his BS anyway)
I wouldn't say it like that, but as long as they live in my house I do feel I have the right to set rules.
That one never made sense to me because it implies the kid has a choice. It’s like thanking your mom for having sex. Parents literally make their children. Its now their duty to care. You are grateful for your parents if they are good role models not just because they provide.
I only said this to my sons, when they thought it was a good idea to get a bit "out of controll". If they got in trouble for not tidying their rooms ... I'm talking about a mixture of dirty laundry, leftover food on plates and in cups ... and loads of rubbish. Or for having exceeded their curfew ... by hours. When I really had reason to be angry ... and they reacted like "typical teenagers". Only then, I reminded them of who dresses them (nicely), feeds them (nice) food and gives them a (fairly) comfortable life ... and that having their own TV, game consoles and pocket money, is a privilege ... not a right!
Saying "be grateful I feed and clothe you", is basically saying they do the bare minimum to be a parent.
Omg my step mother says that she wasn't in my life for the "trauma" so don't take it out on her. Then she uses like I love you as my own and I do this and that for you. (Like wtf I wasn't traumatized didn't get depressed until I met you)
"I feed you, I put a roof over your head, I put clothes on your back, and yet you're still so ungrateful" yeah thanks for doing the bare f*****g minimum?
My parents did this to me. When my brother came to the same college town as me they informed they would be buying us a trailer - my brother and his buddy would move in and pay rent. After they graduated the trailer would be mine to live in. It was always made clear to me that it was THEIRS, not mine. Any big decisions had to go through them. Finally my mom was in town one day and on her way to my place and I was late getting off work. I told her that an insurance agent would probably get their before I did to assess some water damage. She was flustered and irritated and shouted 'it's not MY damn problem, what are you telling me!' Okay, then.
I've been hearing this my whole life. In my country, child labor is illegal only for children below 14, so my dad told me that I've done my job, I can kick you out legally now.
Oh yes. In my head, I'm screaming "I DIDNT CHOOSE TO BE HERE!" and that's their excuse for no pocket money. Then when I want something, even if it's several hundred dollars they're like "Oh better start saving up!" It's like I HAVE NO INCOME-
the parents that say this are the same ones that say that their children don't clean their (and by their I mean the children and the parents') house
Haha. You see mother. Im not 18. Your SUPPOSED to put a roof over my head. No matter what. Or else its considered child abuse and i can call the cops, "mother". Come at me. I dare you.
No no no honey . If you live for free in a home and are provided everything you need and a lot of what you want , your parents deserve your respect . I guarantee you , if you show them respect , they won't be on your ass all the time. It's simple really
My mom also would say Children should be seen and not heard, and these kind of adults should not have children
When i was a kid and asked my mom to play with me, she would say she wasnt put on this Earth to entertain me. I wish i thought this back then. I was put on this Earth for her to entertain. Did not have a good relationship with her
This is a bruh moment. Like, the whole post. I don't think any of you know what it's like to be a parent.
This goes well past childhood in many cultures where there is no such thing as living a single life if you can't afford it, so children have to live in their parents' house as long as they're not married themselves. If you're a 35 year old woman without a job and a husband, you'll still be treated as a kid and get very few things you can decide by yourself. And if by any chance you get to work, it's likely the money you earn won't be considered yours.
I never heard my parents say this. I guess they learned how to teach obedience without pulling rank.
I have a wee bit of sympathy for this. In the sense that everyone living in the household contributes according to their ability. Some adolescents and young adults have a "you can't make me" mentality and refuse to contribute at all. Well, while you live in my house actually, you do contribute.
#14 sounds like a whining snowflake who didn't get the designer something-or-other they wanted. The "My House My Rules" applies. Yes, it's our privilege and obligation to provide it, but the the snot-nose can't appreciate it they can at least shut up and not complain about the free food and lodging.
I’m not sure if this is “normal” or just something I see online.. but mums pulling the “just wait till dad gets home” card. Why would you want your kids to be afraid of their dad? And why should the dad have to play bad cop all the time? The last thing I want is my partner coming home from work and yelling at the kids for me.
Yes! My parents always yell at me together. It's a team job. But it does have the effect of alienating neither of them. And I get my own back when it's my turn to lay the table--I give them sporks instead of forks.
Overly accommodating and praising children.
My sister always excelled in academics and was also an accomplished pianist in high school. My parents didn’t make her do any of the chores I had to in order to 'preserve her hands for piano.' Her excellence at school, in clubs, and with piano also kind of led to her being constantly praised by people around her. Now, in her mid-twenties, she lacks basic life skills (cooking, cleaning, and even self-cleaning) and is unable to take any criticism, no matter how small.
I was chastised because I was teaching my younger brother how to wash clothes and prepare meals after our mom died. He was only twelve, but I was ten years older. I felt like he deserved a boost to be able to fend for himself and clean up after himself.
Not explaining their decisions. Like, 'You have to do this because I'm your mom/dad, and I say so. End of discussion!' Instead, you can bring your kids on board with sooo many of the decisions you make for them if you take the time to explain your reasoning to them. Kids understand more than a lot of parents think — just give them a chance.
There is a small step before explaining EVERYTHING about your decisions - sometimes you have to make a decision because otherwise your electricity will be cut off, and telling the truth will unnecessarily cause your child to worry about the household finances when they are much too young to grasp every nuance or be able to do a damn thing about it and becomes one of those people who watches every single penny well into adulthood even though they have a good job and a comfortable life. Sometimes "because" is the right answer to protect a child.
Making your female children change clothes when male family members come over.
wait what do people even do this??? I was only told to change if I was in PJ's!
Taking away things that the child has earned for themselves. If your kid is old enough to work and use that money to purchase something for themselves than it's thiers and you have no right to take it. I don't care if it's a car or a playstation 5.
Same thing with the money itself. Just because your kid is old enough to work and bring home a paycheck doesn't mean you're entitled to that money. I personally had to open up a brand new bank account the day I turned 18 because my mother helped herself to over $700 of my money. When I confronted her she basically told me "[screw] you I'm the adult on the account so it's my money too!"
Happened in another way to my brother and me too. We inherited from an aunt each 2000 €. Parents never gave even a cent and spent all on debts them had run up. My brother was 15, I was 18.
Forcing your children to give family members that make them uncomfortable, hugs and kisses. Additionally inviting family who actively distress your kid to your house to stay for an extended period and forcing the kid to be nice and interact.
If a kid doesn't want to hugged by someone they should be able to say "No thank you, I don't want to hug." And the adults can deal with their own offence/embarassment/ discomfort/ rejection. The burden of managing the feelings and reactions of adults should not be placed on the shoulders of a socially anxious ten year old.
Giving in when your child is being difficult. It teaches them all they have to do to get what they want is throw a fit. You're encouraging more difficult behavior.
The correct way to handle it is sit in whatever storm they whip up. Stay calm and hold the boundary.
My son used to throw huge tantrums when he was little. I always did the same thing: looked into his eyes, told him I loved him very much, stand next to him and let him cry. I never caved. I never yelled at him. I just let him have his feelings and when he was done, we'd do whatever it was we were doing. Worked like a charm.
Invalidating their emotions just bc they're children, Cruel jokes ab their physical appareance or behaviour
Saying anything along the lines of 'just be happy.' Like thanks, my depression is cured — especially since depression runs in my family on both sides.
THIS. Mental illnesses aren't just 'being sad' and 'being happy' isn't some kind of internal switch you can flick. See a therapist who knows what they're doing and take their advice. Also, eat chocolate. It encourages the production of endorphins. Also chocolate.
Gaslighting their children into believing things that are simply not true in order to defend themselves.
You mean like telling them that people working in the fastfood industry do not deserve to earn a livable wage and they are some sort of lower species that doesn't deserve any respect at all.
Being overly involved in your childs life. I'm talking about relationships. Your child should have their own relationships without the parent acting like the third wheel, and seeking validation from the friends or partner too. Being involved is a good thing, but when you are so invested in their relationships too it can be damaging to your kid and their future relationships.
Letting one sibling bully another and turning a blind eye, with the philosophy that they should work everything out for themselves. Punishing both siblings equally when one is 3 years older, much larger, much stronger, much more verbally sophisticated and adept at manipulation, and when the younger one complains, shutting them up by saying, "Well, did he put a gun to your head?"
That's how you teach a kid to be a victim.
Another side to it: the older sibling by 7 years gets her first record player. 5 year old sister gets exact same record player because "you have to be fair".
Not necessarily personal experience, but I do think it's absurd how often parents will speak of their own child as "spoiled" for having all kinds of nice possessions like video game systems, cell phones, cars, as if that wasn't entirely the parent's choice. If you don't think your kid should have those things for free, then don't buy them for the kid. Don't shower gifts on your child and then act like the child is a bad person for owning them.
People have this obnoxious reactionary/conservative tendency to speak automatically about kids as if they're brats who don't appreciate the nice things they have. People look at a place full of 13-year-olds with expensive phones in their pockets and act like it's the downfall of society. It's just assumed, based on nothing, that all those 13-year-olds must be ungrateful and entitled and believe they automatically deserve an expensive phone.
I feel this. One of my friends has severe depression and at one point she and I were travelling on a bus together. She was crying over her phone because her teacher had given her back an assignment she spent ages on and she'd got a terrible grade. I was comforting her, and this old guy yelled at us 'I don't believe your generation! No one here cares if you broke up with your boyfriend! Quit inflicting your noise on the rest of us!' So I yelled back at him, which only made my friend cry harder. We got off the bus a stop early and walked the rest of the way home.
Listening solely to other parents for advice. My mom listened to my grandmother instead of taking me to a psychiatrist. It wasn’t “a phase” it was autism and OCD. Now I’m in my 20s with trauma from the way my mental health was disregarded and autism leaving me more vulnerable to abuse. I’m left to navigate by myself.
Threatening to take away things and 50% of the time never actually doing it. Leads kids to live in a state of being unsure of what will happen. Take the thing away or don't.
ikr, like when i was a kid and my parents used to do this a lot, I just never thought of it as a punishment anymore because i knew it wouldnt happen.
Having kids before you've gone to therapy to address your own childhood trauma, as this just causes undue trauma on the kids
I have issues with my stepmother and I feel as though I would not pass that down if i had kids knowing this pain that it has caused.
Note: this post originally had 40 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
Emphasizing how big of a burden your children are, saying how much work you have to do to provide for them.
And yet you never asked for this life you have. That was their decision.
Load More Replies...
Forcing your abusive religion on your children. No child should ever be told they're going to hell. Implying mental health issues are because of "sin". Denying mental health issues even exist and if they do then said child can't possibly have any because they're just naughty and dramatic. religion should be banned anyway.
When I was seven years old, I was told that my mother was going to Hell. (My parents have never been together, so I’m raised by both.) I can’t pull any direct quotes, but basically the gist of what they were saying was “you’ll be so happy worshipping the Lord in Heaven that you’ll forget about her.” It was either that, or that “she still has time to change.” I managed to hold it in in front of my Sunday School teacher, but that night I cried. I’ve been atheist since.
Load More Replies...
"I spent a lot of money raising you, it's a loan and I expect to be paid back" is something I've been told growing up. We're poor, extremely poor because my father abandoned us so my mother wracked up a lot of debt to raise me but she always made sure Inknew exactly how much that debt was and how long it will take her to pay it off without my help. She would always tell me that if she dies before the debt is paid, I will still have to pay it off for her. Any extra pocket money I made as a child, I would hand it all over to her because I felt guilty for existing. I grew up feeling like she would have been happier if I was never born or if I died. At the ripe old age of 16, I started making plans and researching how to kill myself. I would submerge myself into a bathtub full of water and stay under until I started spasming from needing to breathe before surfacing. Luckily I never really went through with any of my attempts but her holding that debt over my head really did a number on my mental health
I wish you best of luck for getting past this, and to find happyness. Children owe their parents nothing – and I say that as a Father myself. What we can hope for is love – if we as parents loved unconditionally.
Load More Replies...
This is oddly specific to me, but when dealing with grades and report cards and such, my parents would give me hell for my low math scores,and ignore any high scores I got in other classes( history, biology, science ) because " Your good at those and enjoy the subject, so they don't count." Just because I did well doesn't mean I didn't work for it. My parents tried to punish multiplication tables into me...Turns out I have a difficulty understanding math. All the spankings and groundings that I got for not reciting them on demand would have never helped.
Not specific to you. I got beat for a B in phys ed but my other marks were straight A. All it taught me was terror of the day my grades were sent to my parents.
Load More Replies...
Teaching a child to identify with a group according to their skin color or their sexual preference rather than their unique values, dreams and loves.
"My house, my rules", punishing me for being left-handed; being taller (6ft) than an adult at 15; not being allowed to have my bedroom or bathroom door closed as a teenager; punished for things my younger siblings did because I was responsible for their behaviour, or expecting me to "set a good example" because I'm the oldest. My mom never protected me from being abused by my stepfather. Never pick anyone or anything over your kids!
Fam this is low key me now just without my step dad abusing me (and I’m a short af 13 yo)
Load More Replies... "Mommy juice" to cope with parenting. Your kids will know sooner than later their mom wasn't sober much of the time because she couldn't handle raising kids without alcohol. Saying "Don't get smart with me." Usually followed with "Smarten up!" Parents, it's okay to allow your kids to teach you something they've figured out.
Yes, this. When my son was born I promised he'd never see me drunk. And he hasn't at almost 17. He's seen his grandparents drunk though. That was fun for all of us.
Load More Replies...
Using s**t/whore all types.of s**t shaming language towards your daughter as if you're taking about the weather. I brought you in ri this world I can take you out nonsense. Any type of narcissism or feelings of grandeur. If you're like this, just don't have kids. Ever.
To all the comments saying that these points are judge mental and you don't know what it's like...I do know what it's like. I am a parent. Have been for 18 years. No,not a perfect one. No one is perfect. I've made some mistakes and bad calls. But the points in these posts and comments go from bad all the way to physical and mental abuse. Just because that's how you were raised and you " turned out fine" doesn't mean it's ok to treat people like that. What you think is "fine" may be someone else's "mal-adjusted alcoholic with anger issues". But to the point, I am in those shoes, and I've made mistakes, but nothing as bad as a lot of these.
there are some things that need fixing in life and parenting, but I see parenting as this "if what you are doing, is the best for your child, doesn't cause mental problems, and helps your child to grow in the world, who is to say that you are a bad parent?" yes, I know my opinion will get downvotes but, sometimes you have to consider the background of some people, sometimes they are raised in a certain way, sometimes they talk advice from people but one thing is for sure, there will be bad advice but the important thing is that you can make your child feels that they are protected and loved. thanks for reading my opinion.
when you hurt or sick and they say your faking it just get attention,
Well, sometimes my son says his feet hurt to get out of soccer practise, but he's just lazy, lol. I usually let it slide.
Load More Replies...
I hope I am not the only one that thinks majority of these seems to be written by kids or people without kids. Few are good points but most are absurd.
Don't tell them you'll give them up for adoption if they don't behave as you want them to, don't lock them into their room just because you're overwhelmed, be able to apologize, don't gaslight to hide your mistakes, don't have kids if you're unable to regulate your own emotions. Just... Don't have kids at all if you're mentally unstable, it'll only hurt them.
Gee thanx Not like my struggles with depression dont already make me feel guilty enough now I’m being told I should never have had kids as I’m just hurting them
Load More Replies...
Parents are just people, they don't automatically gain knowledge and experience from giving birth to kids and raising them. I don't know why some moms like to say "you should have a kid yourself so you know." Well, it seems you don't either! People always make mistakes and parents do too. Also, stop glorifying parents as if they are some kind of heroes. Having a child is completely the person's own decision based on their own wants in most developed countries. I see a lot of adults with kids who can't even take care of their own problems. Ignorance is acceptable only when you are trying to learn to improve. You are responsible for someone's life and health. Take full responsibility until the kid reaches young adulthood, do the job right. If you can't, plan ahead and don't have a kid!
If only we had the energy and patience to all take heed. But eh, we parents are people too and teenagers can push you quite close to the point where the only way to get through seems to be to match their ar$ehole-ology.
That's a bad attitude to have. I know raising kids is hard and thankless but relegating it to the "it's too hard" basket and not trying to be better is not ok. None of these suggestions cost anything. Most are simple attitude shifts. If you can't refrain from being an ahole to a child with a developing brain then rethink? Yes i get you're human and not perfect and teens are a lot but we owe it to our kids to be better and at least try before getting defensive and shutting these suggestions down.
Load More Replies...
When parents don't get their kids evaluated for autism/adhd ect because "its just a label"
‘That could have been you’ attacking your children for their choices can be very damaging to their mental health. Your kids should be allowed to make their own choices.
My favorite overheard in a restaurant ----> behave or I'll call the police and they will put you in jail...
Hello there! Sorry in advance for this rant but I do want to talk. I do feel that my parents are manipulative. I feel bad for some resentment I have and I'm not sure if it's valid. Basically, I'll just go through some things that my parents have done. They have been so strict with everything, and grades especially, I'm afraid to come home with so much as a low B. They'll be very judgemental about so many things that I'm afraid to express myself. I came out to them as bisexual, but as I've gotten older I've noticed that they're pretty homophobic, to say the least. When I told my mum she had to (and continues to) ask for confirmation that I "still like boys" and that I'm not a lesbian. As well as talking s**t about NB's and trans people. They always judge people for not being "normal". Just brushing me off whenever I question my mental health state. And recently, going off at me and calling me useless. There's more but I can't recall. I love them, but... Am I just being immature? help!
I hate it when parents said “I raised you and gave you a roof over your head so you should do this for me” like it wasn’t my choice to exist-
"I got my bottom tanned, too, when I was being unruly. Taught me respect and certainly didn't leave lasting damage". Yes, because finding it okay to be violent to a much smaller being and telling them it'll "hurt me more than you" is totally fine...
Divorced parents who let their new partner move in and expect their kids to like this person. Choosing sex over your children is ugly and selfish.
...i think this thread is kind of toxic. I imagine its harder being a parent than a high pressure job. So much judging.
No one is expecting parents to be perfect - just to think about the effect their decisions will have on their child, rather than blindly doing what they feel like.
Load More Replies... Emphasizing how big of a burden your children are, saying how much work you have to do to provide for them.
And yet you never asked for this life you have. That was their decision.
Load More Replies... Forcing your abusive religion on your children. No child should ever be told they're going to hell. Implying mental health issues are because of "sin". Denying mental health issues even exist and if they do then said child can't possibly have any because they're just naughty and dramatic. religion should be banned anyway.
When I was seven years old, I was told that my mother was going to Hell. (My parents have never been together, so I’m raised by both.) I can’t pull any direct quotes, but basically the gist of what they were saying was “you’ll be so happy worshipping the Lord in Heaven that you’ll forget about her.” It was either that, or that “she still has time to change.” I managed to hold it in in front of my Sunday School teacher, but that night I cried. I’ve been atheist since.
Load More Replies... "I spent a lot of money raising you, it's a loan and I expect to be paid back" is something I've been told growing up. We're poor, extremely poor because my father abandoned us so my mother wracked up a lot of debt to raise me but she always made sure Inknew exactly how much that debt was and how long it will take her to pay it off without my help. She would always tell me that if she dies before the debt is paid, I will still have to pay it off for her. Any extra pocket money I made as a child, I would hand it all over to her because I felt guilty for existing. I grew up feeling like she would have been happier if I was never born or if I died. At the ripe old age of 16, I started making plans and researching how to kill myself. I would submerge myself into a bathtub full of water and stay under until I started spasming from needing to breathe before surfacing. Luckily I never really went through with any of my attempts but her holding that debt over my head really did a number on my mental health
I wish you best of luck for getting past this, and to find happyness. Children owe their parents nothing – and I say that as a Father myself. What we can hope for is love – if we as parents loved unconditionally.
Load More Replies... This is oddly specific to me, but when dealing with grades and report cards and such, my parents would give me hell for my low math scores,and ignore any high scores I got in other classes( history, biology, science ) because " Your good at those and enjoy the subject, so they don't count." Just because I did well doesn't mean I didn't work for it. My parents tried to punish multiplication tables into me...Turns out I have a difficulty understanding math. All the spankings and groundings that I got for not reciting them on demand would have never helped.
Not specific to you. I got beat for a B in phys ed but my other marks were straight A. All it taught me was terror of the day my grades were sent to my parents.
Load More Replies... Teaching a child to identify with a group according to their skin color or their sexual preference rather than their unique values, dreams and loves.
"My house, my rules", punishing me for being left-handed; being taller (6ft) than an adult at 15; not being allowed to have my bedroom or bathroom door closed as a teenager; punished for things my younger siblings did because I was responsible for their behaviour, or expecting me to "set a good example" because I'm the oldest. My mom never protected me from being abused by my stepfather. Never pick anyone or anything over your kids!
Fam this is low key me now just without my step dad abusing me (and I’m a short af 13 yo)
Load More Replies... "Mommy juice" to cope with parenting. Your kids will know sooner than later their mom wasn't sober much of the time because she couldn't handle raising kids without alcohol. Saying "Don't get smart with me." Usually followed with "Smarten up!" Parents, it's okay to allow your kids to teach you something they've figured out.
Yes, this. When my son was born I promised he'd never see me drunk. And he hasn't at almost 17. He's seen his grandparents drunk though. That was fun for all of us.
Load More Replies... Using s**t/whore all types.of s**t shaming language towards your daughter as if you're taking about the weather. I brought you in ri this world I can take you out nonsense. Any type of narcissism or feelings of grandeur. If you're like this, just don't have kids. Ever.
To all the comments saying that these points are judge mental and you don't know what it's like...I do know what it's like. I am a parent. Have been for 18 years. No,not a perfect one. No one is perfect. I've made some mistakes and bad calls. But the points in these posts and comments go from bad all the way to physical and mental abuse. Just because that's how you were raised and you " turned out fine" doesn't mean it's ok to treat people like that. What you think is "fine" may be someone else's "mal-adjusted alcoholic with anger issues". But to the point, I am in those shoes, and I've made mistakes, but nothing as bad as a lot of these.
there are some things that need fixing in life and parenting, but I see parenting as this "if what you are doing, is the best for your child, doesn't cause mental problems, and helps your child to grow in the world, who is to say that you are a bad parent?" yes, I know my opinion will get downvotes but, sometimes you have to consider the background of some people, sometimes they are raised in a certain way, sometimes they talk advice from people but one thing is for sure, there will be bad advice but the important thing is that you can make your child feels that they are protected and loved. thanks for reading my opinion.
when you hurt or sick and they say your faking it just get attention,
Well, sometimes my son says his feet hurt to get out of soccer practise, but he's just lazy, lol. I usually let it slide.
Load More Replies... I hope I am not the only one that thinks majority of these seems to be written by kids or people without kids. Few are good points but most are absurd.
Don't tell them you'll give them up for adoption if they don't behave as you want them to, don't lock them into their room just because you're overwhelmed, be able to apologize, don't gaslight to hide your mistakes, don't have kids if you're unable to regulate your own emotions. Just... Don't have kids at all if you're mentally unstable, it'll only hurt them.
Gee thanx Not like my struggles with depression dont already make me feel guilty enough now I’m being told I should never have had kids as I’m just hurting them
Load More Replies... Parents are just people, they don't automatically gain knowledge and experience from giving birth to kids and raising them. I don't know why some moms like to say "you should have a kid yourself so you know." Well, it seems you don't either! People always make mistakes and parents do too. Also, stop glorifying parents as if they are some kind of heroes. Having a child is completely the person's own decision based on their own wants in most developed countries. I see a lot of adults with kids who can't even take care of their own problems. Ignorance is acceptable only when you are trying to learn to improve. You are responsible for someone's life and health. Take full responsibility until the kid reaches young adulthood, do the job right. If you can't, plan ahead and don't have a kid!
If only we had the energy and patience to all take heed. But eh, we parents are people too and teenagers can push you quite close to the point where the only way to get through seems to be to match their ar$ehole-ology.
That's a bad attitude to have. I know raising kids is hard and thankless but relegating it to the "it's too hard" basket and not trying to be better is not ok. None of these suggestions cost anything. Most are simple attitude shifts. If you can't refrain from being an ahole to a child with a developing brain then rethink? Yes i get you're human and not perfect and teens are a lot but we owe it to our kids to be better and at least try before getting defensive and shutting these suggestions down.
Load More Replies... When parents don't get their kids evaluated for autism/adhd ect because "its just a label"
‘That could have been you’ attacking your children for their choices can be very damaging to their mental health. Your kids should be allowed to make their own choices.
My favorite overheard in a restaurant ----> behave or I'll call the police and they will put you in jail...
Hello there! Sorry in advance for this rant but I do want to talk. I do feel that my parents are manipulative. I feel bad for some resentment I have and I'm not sure if it's valid. Basically, I'll just go through some things that my parents have done. They have been so strict with everything, and grades especially, I'm afraid to come home with so much as a low B. They'll be very judgemental about so many things that I'm afraid to express myself. I came out to them as bisexual, but as I've gotten older I've noticed that they're pretty homophobic, to say the least. When I told my mum she had to (and continues to) ask for confirmation that I "still like boys" and that I'm not a lesbian. As well as talking s**t about NB's and trans people. They always judge people for not being "normal". Just brushing me off whenever I question my mental health state. And recently, going off at me and calling me useless. There's more but I can't recall. I love them, but... Am I just being immature? help!
I hate it when parents said “I raised you and gave you a roof over your head so you should do this for me” like it wasn’t my choice to exist-
"I got my bottom tanned, too, when I was being unruly. Taught me respect and certainly didn't leave lasting damage". Yes, because finding it okay to be violent to a much smaller being and telling them it'll "hurt me more than you" is totally fine...
Divorced parents who let their new partner move in and expect their kids to like this person. Choosing sex over your children is ugly and selfish.
...i think this thread is kind of toxic. I imagine its harder being a parent than a high pressure job. So much judging.
No one is expecting parents to be perfect - just to think about the effect their decisions will have on their child, rather than blindly doing what they feel like.
Load More Replies...