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User submission
Hey Pandas, AITA For Standing Up For My Niece And For My Baby, Or Am I Just Causing Drama?
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Moderator’s note
If you find yourself disagreeing with this person’s actions, we encourage you not to downvote the post. Instead, kindly express your opinions in the comments. We recommend maintaining politeness and articulating your thoughts with well-constructed arguments.
I (29F) feel like I’m being dragged into every possible family conflict at once, and I genuinely don’t know if I’m handling things poorly or if everyone else is losing their minds.
My older sister, Laura (37F), has three kids. Her middle daughter, Sophie (15), is pregnant and still in school. The baby’s father (Evan, also 15) has basically moved into their house because, according to my sister, “it keeps things stable.” He sleeps on an air mattress in the corner of their living room.
Her oldest daughter, Maya (18), has been calling me on and off the past couple of months, venting about how tense the house has become. According to Maya, Sophie and Evan treat her like she’s an inconvenience in her own home. She says he calls her names, leaves a mess everywhere, and that Sophie jumps down her throat if she complains. Laura works long hours, and her husband works nights, so they don’t really see the behavior, and when Maya tries to explain it, they act like she’s being dramatic.
Last weekend, things apparently blew up. Maya called me crying because Sophie and Evan were playing video games loudly near midnight and woke their youngest sibling
Image credits: Vitaly Gariev (not the actual photo)
Maya asked them to turn it down, they told her to “shut up,” and it escalated into screaming, to the point that the neighbors were concerned.
She asked if she could stay with me just for the night. I said yes. I texted Laura immediately so no one thought she vanished, and Laura said it was fine.
One night turned into a week. Maya has been calm, polite, and helpful, especially when it came to helping me take care of my newborn. I think she honestly seemed relieved not to be constantly defending herself in her own home.
Yesterday, Laura called and told me that I “need” to send Maya home. She said Maya is “avoiding accountability” and “refusing to work things out with her sister”
Image credits: Kelly Sikkema (not the actual photo)
I told her I’m not going to physically turn an 18-year-old out of my house, especially when she’s clearly distressed. Laura got frustrated and said I’m undermining her parenting and “making things worse in the long run.”
So that’s situation #1. Then, on the same day, something else hit the fan at my own home.
On top of it all, my husband (34M) was watching our 5-month-old while I had a dentist appointment
Image credits: Rick Barrett (not the actual photo)
When I got home, the baby wasn’t there. He casually told me that his sister (Jenna, 31F) had taken the baby with her to run errands.
For context: Jenna has babysat before, but always in our apartment.
She has very… questionable judgment. She’s joked about things like “maybe I should spray him with water when he cries like a cat,” and she tends to just grab the baby out of my arms without asking. It’s all “joking,” but something about her boundaries is just off.
So I panicked. I told my husband he should have called me, and that I’m uncomfortable with the baby going out with someone who doesn’t have experience and whom I haven’t actually trusted with outings before.
He got defensive and said, “Well, you were in the dentist chair, you wouldn’t have checked anyway.”
We both ended up raising our voices over his sister watching our baby
Image credits: Aro Flo (not the actual photo)
So now my husband says I’m being overprotective, and my sister says I’m meddling and making my side of the family conflict worse.
Which led to me sitting on my kitchen floor last night, wondering if I’m actually the common denominator. AITA?
Moderator’s note
Please note that the images included in this article are for illustrative purposes only and do not represent the actual individuals or items discussed in the story.
If you have a comparable experience or story you’d like to tell, we welcome your submissions. Click here to share your story with Bored Panda.
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What do you think ?
arthbach 1 month ago
Regarding the baby, it sounds like you and your husband really need to have a big discussion on what is and is not acceptable behaviour, and who is, and who is not an acceptable person to care for your child. Please don't try to talk about it when in the heat of the moment. Talk when you are both calm and can make reasonable, rational decisions.
arthbach 1 month ago
Let's address the 18 year old. There's only 21 countries where the age of majority is greater than 18, and two counties were it differs by state/province. The chances are very high she is an adult. This means she gets to live where she chooses, and her parents can't make that decision for her. It's therefore not a conversation for you to be involved with. Just keep repeating, "She is an adult; she can decide for herself. I will provide a safe, secure place for her to stay if she decides she no longer wants to live at home."
Jack 1 month ago
Maya is likely an adult at 18, so there is nothing to undermine. That kind of active parenting is over, and they should have been winding that down for a bit now anyway. Micromanaging their children's sibling relationship should have stopped long ago, as well. If they are not friends, if they don't get along by the time they're teens, then the most you can expect is feigned civility at family events. You cannot demand their relationship exist under your terms. It's intrusive, creepy, and out if line.
arthbach 1 month ago
Regarding the baby, it sounds like you and your husband really need to have a big discussion on what is and is not acceptable behaviour, and who is, and who is not an acceptable person to care for your child. Please don't try to talk about it when in the heat of the moment. Talk when you are both calm and can make reasonable, rational decisions.
arthbach 1 month ago
Let's address the 18 year old. There's only 21 countries where the age of majority is greater than 18, and two counties were it differs by state/province. The chances are very high she is an adult. This means she gets to live where she chooses, and her parents can't make that decision for her. It's therefore not a conversation for you to be involved with. Just keep repeating, "She is an adult; she can decide for herself. I will provide a safe, secure place for her to stay if she decides she no longer wants to live at home."
Jack 1 month ago
Maya is likely an adult at 18, so there is nothing to undermine. That kind of active parenting is over, and they should have been winding that down for a bit now anyway. Micromanaging their children's sibling relationship should have stopped long ago, as well. If they are not friends, if they don't get along by the time they're teens, then the most you can expect is feigned civility at family events. You cannot demand their relationship exist under your terms. It's intrusive, creepy, and out if line.
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