Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
User submission
209.5K
I Was Diagnosed With Schizophrenia At The Age Of 17, So I Started Drawing My Hallucinations To Cope With It
I have always been an ‘artist’, I just didn’t realize what that meant until my mental illness appeared. I despise the term ‘mentally ill’; it implies that who I am as a person is fundamentally corrupted and broken.
Unfortunately, as soon as I tell people what I struggle with, I feel like that’s all they see me as. They see the stigma perpetuated by the media, and the inaccurate stereotypes portrayed in Hollywood. That is precisely why I am so open about what I live with.
More info: Instagram
RELATED:
My name is Kate and I’m an 18-year-old artist with schizophrenia
I’ve been ‘diagnosed’ with multiple labels over the years. At the age of 17 I finally was diagnosed with schizophrenia after my parents realized my mental health was getting worse
I draw a lot of my hallucinations as drawing helps me deal with it
In my hallucinations I hear voices, sound effects, random noises, and I often see bugs, faces, and disembodied eyes
Inanimate objects will look like a Van Gogh painting: warped and swirly.
I hallucinate bugs quite often, and my depression makes me feel worthless like a fly. These bug illustrations represent my illness
This is a quote by an artist named Jory, and it was something that spoke to me.
This one crawls out of the vent in my ceiling and makes clicking noises, or I’ll see it crawl out from underneath things
This is a self-portrait. I looked in the mirror and my eyes did this thing. I painted it
I have a lot of intense emotions, and hear voices telling me to light things on fire
Here is an example of the disembodied eyes I see. They surface in a mounds or masses on my walls or floors. They warp and move.
This is Birdie, she sings to me
My self esteem is at its lowest, and I feel insignificant. I always wish I could shapeshift into a “prettier” person
What eyes sometimes look like, with more of those odd colors and circles
Organization, communication, paranoia, depression, anxiety, and managing my emotions are the biggest struggles for me
What I live with isn’t easy and it can be debilitating, but I’m not living out on the streets screaming about alien abductions. That’s not to say there aren’t people out there who are that severe – there are. However, there are also people like me who just stay at home most of the time cooped up in their room. It is a spectrum of symptoms with varying severity levels. Each person’s experience is unique.
5.8Mviews
Share on FacebookExplore more of these tags
What do you think ?
Wezbie 8 years ago
I can't imagine what the world would look like through your eyes so thank you for sharing your story and your wonderful drawings! You are incredibly talented! Have you seen the TED talk by Eleanor Longden? I would highly recommend it if you are ever feeling alone in this. I hadn't really seen a lot of people with schizophrenia talking about it and just like with your post, her talking about it helped me understand it all a little better :)
Ok Ha-Neul 8 years ago
i watched the video. those were the most well spent 14 minutes of my life. i wish you well
Load More Replies...
John L 8 years ago
My uncle has schizophrenia, and as it was gaining on him, he described it to me once. Its like being in a base universe, with countless ones buzzing in and out, and you can't stop it. He has totally isolated himself, and everyone doesn't understand. But its because he doesn't want others to see him that way. I totally empathize with you dear. Bless you!
Max Stern 8 years ago
Good post and definitely one of the ways I see it. And ditto on the isolation. No one with a severe disorder wants to have even friends and loved ones perceive them as having become "other". Which is harsh because even after a break we are still us. Almost No One seems able to understand that.
Load More Replies...
Ellie Blazer 8 years ago
I'm 19 and have schizophrenia as well; I can definitely say drawing and painting helps immensely when dealing with hallucinations, it turns something horrifying into something beautiful, and I know I wouldn't be able to cope with my illness without art. Your drawings are incredible, and I feel much less alone because of your post- Thank you
Matthias Plunkett 8 years ago
I love your work and the spirit in which it was created. Thanks for sharing. On a slightly odd side note, long ago when I was considerably younger, I had an LSD trip that turned pretty horrible (Understatement of my life) The reason I mention it is that I saw things very much like the mounds and masses with eyes. They called themselves Umpsquamadic Peels - Google it, I've done my own things with them. Maybe you will see a common aspect or two? It was often said by the late Terence McKenna, that the shaman of a tribe would often be the schizophrenic who had the gift of vision, who could see things ordinary tribe members couldn't. It's just that society lost something when these gifted people were no longer seen as valuable. I see a person with the gift to express things that ordinary people do not see and I commend your artistry.
Shaker Al-otaiby 8 years ago
You are a beautiful person, you deserve all the happiness in the world; i wish you a fast recovery from all this, thank you for sharing, and we are here for you.
Jamie Beck 8 years ago
Thank you for sharing your story and your art. For only 18, you seem incredibly brave and self-aware. I hope your courage helps other people who are in your shoes, and reaches the greater audience to promote a better understanding of these types of conditions. Stigma continues to hamper all kinds of progress when it comes to illnesses that affect the mind. People like you will help encourage dialogue and find solutions. ;-)
Susann Campbell 8 years ago
I also live with this abomination. In my case I couldn't tell anyone for fear of being locked away. Then one day I saw a D**k Cavett tell his story and I went in to the Doctor and told mine. I am now on medication for a number of things that help me some and others to help with depression that helps and then doesn't. I stay away from bad news stories and real life books unless they are funny. I started painting and drawing but not what I saw, (those I kept in my Journal) I painted pictures from pictures that calmed me or pictures that I took of nature . My heart goes out to you and you are so young for new treatments in medications that I know you will get better. You are beautiful and repeat that every time you don't feel that way and take a refreshing walk with a trusted member of the family , even if its only one block and turn around and come home. Never be alone with your DR.s Have mom or dad with you at all times . Even when you come of age! Feel better everyday!
Ellen Pitcole 8 years ago
Thank you. This is written with such a nurturing heart. excellent ideas
Load More Replies...
Wezbie 8 years ago
I can't imagine what the world would look like through your eyes so thank you for sharing your story and your wonderful drawings! You are incredibly talented! Have you seen the TED talk by Eleanor Longden? I would highly recommend it if you are ever feeling alone in this. I hadn't really seen a lot of people with schizophrenia talking about it and just like with your post, her talking about it helped me understand it all a little better :)
Ok Ha-Neul 8 years ago
i watched the video. those were the most well spent 14 minutes of my life. i wish you well
Load More Replies... John L 8 years ago
My uncle has schizophrenia, and as it was gaining on him, he described it to me once. Its like being in a base universe, with countless ones buzzing in and out, and you can't stop it. He has totally isolated himself, and everyone doesn't understand. But its because he doesn't want others to see him that way. I totally empathize with you dear. Bless you!
Max Stern 8 years ago
Good post and definitely one of the ways I see it. And ditto on the isolation. No one with a severe disorder wants to have even friends and loved ones perceive them as having become "other". Which is harsh because even after a break we are still us. Almost No One seems able to understand that.
Load More Replies... Ellie Blazer 8 years ago
I'm 19 and have schizophrenia as well; I can definitely say drawing and painting helps immensely when dealing with hallucinations, it turns something horrifying into something beautiful, and I know I wouldn't be able to cope with my illness without art. Your drawings are incredible, and I feel much less alone because of your post- Thank you
Matthias Plunkett 8 years ago
I love your work and the spirit in which it was created. Thanks for sharing. On a slightly odd side note, long ago when I was considerably younger, I had an LSD trip that turned pretty horrible (Understatement of my life) The reason I mention it is that I saw things very much like the mounds and masses with eyes. They called themselves Umpsquamadic Peels - Google it, I've done my own things with them. Maybe you will see a common aspect or two? It was often said by the late Terence McKenna, that the shaman of a tribe would often be the schizophrenic who had the gift of vision, who could see things ordinary tribe members couldn't. It's just that society lost something when these gifted people were no longer seen as valuable. I see a person with the gift to express things that ordinary people do not see and I commend your artistry.
Shaker Al-otaiby 8 years ago
You are a beautiful person, you deserve all the happiness in the world; i wish you a fast recovery from all this, thank you for sharing, and we are here for you.
Jamie Beck 8 years ago
Thank you for sharing your story and your art. For only 18, you seem incredibly brave and self-aware. I hope your courage helps other people who are in your shoes, and reaches the greater audience to promote a better understanding of these types of conditions. Stigma continues to hamper all kinds of progress when it comes to illnesses that affect the mind. People like you will help encourage dialogue and find solutions. ;-)
Susann Campbell 8 years ago
I also live with this abomination. In my case I couldn't tell anyone for fear of being locked away. Then one day I saw a D**k Cavett tell his story and I went in to the Doctor and told mine. I am now on medication for a number of things that help me some and others to help with depression that helps and then doesn't. I stay away from bad news stories and real life books unless they are funny. I started painting and drawing but not what I saw, (those I kept in my Journal) I painted pictures from pictures that calmed me or pictures that I took of nature . My heart goes out to you and you are so young for new treatments in medications that I know you will get better. You are beautiful and repeat that every time you don't feel that way and take a refreshing walk with a trusted member of the family , even if its only one block and turn around and come home. Never be alone with your DR.s Have mom or dad with you at all times . Even when you come of age! Feel better everyday!
Ellen Pitcole 8 years ago
Thank you. This is written with such a nurturing heart. excellent ideas
Load More Replies... 
Related on Bored Panda
1351
569