Study Reveals What Words Men And Women Use To Write About Love, And The Difference Is Striking
As gender roles are merging and same-sex romance has become accepted more than ever, Josh Katz, Claire Cain Miller and Kathleen A. Flynn have decided to determine if men and women speak the same language when they talk about love. To determine that, they have examined modern love essays, submitted to The New York Times. “We examined the last four years of essay submissions and charted the words along two dimensions: whether the essay was published and the author’s gender,” they wrote.
Words towards the top of their chart are more likely in published essays, and those at the bottom are more likely in rejected ones. Moreover, the words on the right side are more likely to be written by women, and those on the left are more likely in essays by men. “We found overlap in both dimensions, represented by words in purplish circles near the center of the chart. But there were striking differences, too.”
First, let’s examine the difference between men and women. “When men wrote about family, they used words like ‘father,’ ‘dad’ and ‘son,’ while women used ‘mother,’ ‘mom’ and ‘daughter.’ (And we checked — in these essays, the writers were almost always referring to their own or their partner’s family members, not themselves.)”
A study by Michael Baker and Kevin Milligan backed up these findings, stating that parents’ feelings are stronger towards a child of the same sex with who they ten to spend more time with.
Another paper suggests that women express more emotions than men. This was also evident in the essays. “Men’s words tended to be more active: ‘bomb,’ ‘hit,’ ‘strike,’ ‘punch,’ ‘battle.” Women were more likely to describe feelings: ‘resentment,’ ‘furious,’ ‘agony,’ ‘hurt;’ they were also significantly more likely to use the word ‘feel.'” Men, however, weren’t writing about different emotions; they were simply mentioning fewer of them.
When talking about rejected and published essays, the analysis points out the nouns at the top of the chart. “They suggest specific characters who might stride through a story — one’s father, doctor, children, mother, boyfriend or therapist — as well as where it might unfold: at a party, in an apartment, on the couch, at dinner, in bed, on a futon, at the altar, in the hospital. That specificity appears to have caught an editor’s attention and made for engaging reading.”
Judging by this data, it is safe to say that when writing about love, men are more likely to write about sex, and women about marriage. Also, women focus more on feelings, men – on actions. The authors of the study state that the report might represent an unrepresentative sample, but what do you think about their findings? Let us know in the comments below.
More info: The New York Times
To determine if men and women speak the same language when they talk about love, a group of journalists examined lots of modern love essays
The words on on the left are more likely written by men
And the words on the right side are more likely to be written by women
The findings show some very important differences: “When men wrote about family, they used words like ‘father,’ ‘dad’ and ‘son,’ while women used ‘mother,’ ‘mom’ and ‘daughter”
Also, it showed that women express more emotions than men: “Men’s words tended to be more active: ‘bomb,’ ‘hit,’ ‘strike,’ ‘punch,’ ‘battle.’ Women were more likely to describe feelings: ‘resentment,’ ‘furious,’ ‘agony,’ ‘hurt”
Judging by this data, it is safe to say that when writing about love, men are more likely to write about sex, and women about marriage
The authors of the study state that the report might represent an unrepresentative sample, but what do you think about their findings? Let us know in the comments below
Agreed. I don't think it reflects anything at all - it's very stereotypical.
Load More Replies...Maybe men use "father," "son," and "dad" because they are more likely to be in that role, yes? It seems that the actual graphic is more interesting than the analysis of it; the authors mainly pick and choose the elements that fit their preconceptions. What about men using the word "couple" more frequently? Or "play"? Or "relationship"?
Well it's not. But it's intriguing. This is bored panda. If you're here then you're bored. Why does it need to be important? Importance doesn't fix boredom, interest does.
Load More Replies...This still doesn't say anything true about gender, because these feelings are the result of the fact that we men and women are brainwashed since birth to think and act a certain way with our gender. We are conditioned to only be "allowed" certain aspects of our gender. That's why instead of seeing gender "differences" we should be teaching boys that it's okay to have feelings and emotions and it's okay to have "feminine" traits. And teach girls that it's okay to have "masculine" traits and like sex and take action.
No, gender roles are biological and trying to brainwash men into acting like women and vice versa only causes more problems than it solves.
Load More Replies...This seems like a weird sampling. Why essays and not fiction? What is the sample size?
A group of journalists, presumably employed by the New York Times, examined essays submitted to the same newspaper, during the last four years. This can only be an informal study because of the limited demographics (NYT readers, essays only, range of time rather than set sample size). It may prompt a more structured study, but ultimately the insights provided tell us nothing new.
Load More Replies.....and the author backs this report by using stereotypical colors to prove their point
They used "stereotypical colors" because these colours are understood by most of their readers. There is no background here.
Load More Replies...I came to Bored Panda to become un-bored. I am now more bored. This study tells me nothing. The grammar is hideous. The results are not included in a thoughtful conclusion. Mehhh
I asked my sons and their friends. I asked my friends. I asked my neighbor. All of us guys had a problem understanding the meaning of this study. :)
The author of this article needs to have their work edited by an English editor. There are so many grammar mistakes.
...and in other things that are obvious, day is generally light, and the night is generally dark.
I'd expect this drivel to be posted on "Buzzfeed" not here. I'm surprised in this "study" the authors didn't include "Hallmark Cards" Seriously.....
Having lived in a more male-dominated world: more close uncles than aunts, three brothers, husband and three sons... I was/am used to an earthier sense of humour and language generally. In the main, I found the men more down to earth and blunter in their expressions, and although several were kind and thoughtful, their emotions were sometimes hidden or more shallow than women''s.(Some like to appear more macho even if they aren't.) I think women put themselves 'in others' shoes'more (my husband thinks I should be a Defence Lawyer....) BUT I am friendly with a few gay guys and they are definitely more emotional and caring, with exceptions of course.. Perhaps Father and Mother sound 'more proper' from a male perspective; or perhaps we look for meanings that aren't there?! It's a bit like analysing the word 'normal!
I did not come to the conclusion that men write more about sex by reading those changes in formulation. I think that you are just jumping to stereotypical conclusions with no legit basis.
My dad's " pet " names for me were stupid b***h. What does that say ?
Anyway, there is some FASCINATING stuff to be found here. FYI, if you follow the link to the real article, it's searchable by Ctrl F from most browsers. Try a few... see if you can guess which side they'll be on: "sexy", "size", "enjoy", "passion"... you may need to zoom in (Ctrl +) to find it highlighted.
PS. The answer is men used "size" and "enjoy" more, women used "sexy" and "passion". Also, men use "gender" and "sex" more (which shows that they probably don't always mean the act), women use "identity". "Eyes" slightly on the female side; "gaze" neutral. I can't stop looking at this.
Load More Replies...I can't figure out what the size of the circle represents. I thought by the labels that the distance on the x axis was the certainty of the authors, so maybe letters containing that word and the size of the bubble is the bias? But e.g. "porn" appears in a very tiny bubble on the far, far left of the image (below "people" and above "couple"). Does that mean that a lot of letters used that word and it was only slightly predominantly male? It seems more likely that it's the other way around: it wasn't used very much, but when it was it was quite predominantly by men.
This still doesn't say anything about gender because these things have been brainwashed in men and women since birth. We have been conditioned from birth to think and act a certain way just because of our gender. So we wouldn't be having these types of gender "differences" if boys were taught that it's okay to express emotion and feelings and teach girls that it's okay to think about sex and put stuff into action.
Well, you're only part right. There were experiments that show even few months old children have different preferences based on their sex. So yes, some things are social contruct but men and women are different, our brains are differnet (different roles to play, ect). Of cource, in general speaking.
Load More Replies..."Men are more likely to write about sex and women are more likely to write about love"????? Did we need a study for this???
I think women right more about sex than men, 50 Shades etc
Load More Replies...No doubt all you've discovered is true. Men and women are very different. And I love it!
You've obviously never read a little series called Lord of the Rings?
Load More Replies...Agreed. I don't think it reflects anything at all - it's very stereotypical.
Load More Replies...Maybe men use "father," "son," and "dad" because they are more likely to be in that role, yes? It seems that the actual graphic is more interesting than the analysis of it; the authors mainly pick and choose the elements that fit their preconceptions. What about men using the word "couple" more frequently? Or "play"? Or "relationship"?
Well it's not. But it's intriguing. This is bored panda. If you're here then you're bored. Why does it need to be important? Importance doesn't fix boredom, interest does.
Load More Replies...This still doesn't say anything true about gender, because these feelings are the result of the fact that we men and women are brainwashed since birth to think and act a certain way with our gender. We are conditioned to only be "allowed" certain aspects of our gender. That's why instead of seeing gender "differences" we should be teaching boys that it's okay to have feelings and emotions and it's okay to have "feminine" traits. And teach girls that it's okay to have "masculine" traits and like sex and take action.
No, gender roles are biological and trying to brainwash men into acting like women and vice versa only causes more problems than it solves.
Load More Replies...This seems like a weird sampling. Why essays and not fiction? What is the sample size?
A group of journalists, presumably employed by the New York Times, examined essays submitted to the same newspaper, during the last four years. This can only be an informal study because of the limited demographics (NYT readers, essays only, range of time rather than set sample size). It may prompt a more structured study, but ultimately the insights provided tell us nothing new.
Load More Replies.....and the author backs this report by using stereotypical colors to prove their point
They used "stereotypical colors" because these colours are understood by most of their readers. There is no background here.
Load More Replies...I came to Bored Panda to become un-bored. I am now more bored. This study tells me nothing. The grammar is hideous. The results are not included in a thoughtful conclusion. Mehhh
I asked my sons and their friends. I asked my friends. I asked my neighbor. All of us guys had a problem understanding the meaning of this study. :)
The author of this article needs to have their work edited by an English editor. There are so many grammar mistakes.
...and in other things that are obvious, day is generally light, and the night is generally dark.
I'd expect this drivel to be posted on "Buzzfeed" not here. I'm surprised in this "study" the authors didn't include "Hallmark Cards" Seriously.....
Having lived in a more male-dominated world: more close uncles than aunts, three brothers, husband and three sons... I was/am used to an earthier sense of humour and language generally. In the main, I found the men more down to earth and blunter in their expressions, and although several were kind and thoughtful, their emotions were sometimes hidden or more shallow than women''s.(Some like to appear more macho even if they aren't.) I think women put themselves 'in others' shoes'more (my husband thinks I should be a Defence Lawyer....) BUT I am friendly with a few gay guys and they are definitely more emotional and caring, with exceptions of course.. Perhaps Father and Mother sound 'more proper' from a male perspective; or perhaps we look for meanings that aren't there?! It's a bit like analysing the word 'normal!
I did not come to the conclusion that men write more about sex by reading those changes in formulation. I think that you are just jumping to stereotypical conclusions with no legit basis.
My dad's " pet " names for me were stupid b***h. What does that say ?
Anyway, there is some FASCINATING stuff to be found here. FYI, if you follow the link to the real article, it's searchable by Ctrl F from most browsers. Try a few... see if you can guess which side they'll be on: "sexy", "size", "enjoy", "passion"... you may need to zoom in (Ctrl +) to find it highlighted.
PS. The answer is men used "size" and "enjoy" more, women used "sexy" and "passion". Also, men use "gender" and "sex" more (which shows that they probably don't always mean the act), women use "identity". "Eyes" slightly on the female side; "gaze" neutral. I can't stop looking at this.
Load More Replies...I can't figure out what the size of the circle represents. I thought by the labels that the distance on the x axis was the certainty of the authors, so maybe letters containing that word and the size of the bubble is the bias? But e.g. "porn" appears in a very tiny bubble on the far, far left of the image (below "people" and above "couple"). Does that mean that a lot of letters used that word and it was only slightly predominantly male? It seems more likely that it's the other way around: it wasn't used very much, but when it was it was quite predominantly by men.
This still doesn't say anything about gender because these things have been brainwashed in men and women since birth. We have been conditioned from birth to think and act a certain way just because of our gender. So we wouldn't be having these types of gender "differences" if boys were taught that it's okay to express emotion and feelings and teach girls that it's okay to think about sex and put stuff into action.
Well, you're only part right. There were experiments that show even few months old children have different preferences based on their sex. So yes, some things are social contruct but men and women are different, our brains are differnet (different roles to play, ect). Of cource, in general speaking.
Load More Replies..."Men are more likely to write about sex and women are more likely to write about love"????? Did we need a study for this???
I think women right more about sex than men, 50 Shades etc
Load More Replies...No doubt all you've discovered is true. Men and women are very different. And I love it!
You've obviously never read a little series called Lord of the Rings?
Load More Replies...
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