Despite the seriousness of a courtroom and everything that happens in it, this place also produces hilarious (unintentional) comedy. Charles M. Sevilla has compiled some of the funniest exchanges from justice halls between defendants and plaintiffs, lawyers and witnesses, juries and judges, and released a book called Disorder in the Court.


Show Full Text

From witnesses taking questions literally, to lawyers formulating paradoxes instead of questions, these dialogues really happened and they're just too good to not face the judgment of the internet. Scroll down to enjoy this priceless list and vote for your favorite entries!

More info: Amazon

funny-court-reports-disorder-in-court-32

#1

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

pandaaamonium14 Report

Hans 4 days ago

Not only possible...likely.

View more comments

#2

LAWYER: Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--
WITNESS: Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment.

rinkworks Report

Hans 4 days ago

har har, well played

View more comments

#3

ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

pandaaamonium14 Report

Nausicaa Alkistis 4 days ago

Unless the attorney knows things about the witness. *creepy background music*

View More Replies...
View more comments

#4

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

pandaaamonium14 Report

#5

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.

pandaaamonium14 Report

Adriana E. Henricy 4 days ago

How did he get to be attorney???

View More Replies...
View more comments

#6

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.

pandaaamonium14 Report

Hans 4 days ago

I consider this a high estimate.

View More Replies...
View more comments

#7

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

pandaaamonium14 Report

Adriana E. Henricy 4 days ago

how are this people profesionals???

View More Replies...
View more comments

#8

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.

pandaaamonium14 Report

TC 4 days ago

Hahahahahaha

View more comments

#9

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

pandaaamonium14 Report

#10

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral…

pandaaamonium14 Report

Jamal W 4 days ago

Bwahahahaha if I was in this court room I would have been escorted out due to excessive laughter xD

View More Replies...
View more comments