You know how it is with kids and jokes - they are either left dumbfounded by your unprecedented wit or declare your attempts to be a horrible faux pas. In short - they will mostly find you lame. The little rascals are definitely the toughest audience out there, but we’re here to turn your frown upside down! So, adults and two kids on top of each other in a trenchcoat reading this, be prepared for a roster of specifically formulated jokes for kids that’ll bewitch even the pickiest offspring.
The topics here are too deep for adults to understand. For instance, we have awesome jokes discussing why a toddler would throw a stick of butter through a window. If only we, the geriatric crowd, could understand the thought behind it… There’s also the one about a crocodile and an investigator of which I could make no sense, but I guess the children will find it hilarious. And lastly, the only cool joke that I got was the one about bats, though I felt deeply sorry for the animal in it. However, that’s just probably my old-age brain circuits proving they aren’t functioning like they used to. But, maybe it is time to abolish all these sad talks about getting old and steer back to the real topic here - funny jokes for kids!
It doesn’t matter if you don’t find the kids’ jokes below relatable - it is not for you to understand them, but to practice your best delivery in front of a mirror and to dish them out to anybody beyond ten years of age. Now, watch them laugh at your clever joke for the very first time! Also, even if you aren’t those two kids on top of each other in a trenchcoat who are reading this, you still have the right to vote for the best children’s jokes! Also, don’t forget to share this amusing article with anyone who’d like to delight their little sprouts with quality jokes, too!
How do all the oceans say hello to each other? They wave!
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What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers!
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What do you call a sheep that has no legs? A cloud.
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Why did the girl toss her alarm clock out the door? To see time fly.
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What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator!
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What’s a really sad strawberry called? A blueberry.
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Why is Superman’s outfit always so tight on him? It’s a size S.
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What do you call a nosy pepper? Jalapeno business!
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Knock knock. Who’s there? A little old lady? A little old lady who? I didn’t know you could yodel!
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What’s the best way to throw a birthday party on Mars? You planet.
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What is a cheese that doesn’t belong to you called? Nacho cheese!
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What kind of jobs do funny chickens have? They are comedi-hens!
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Why did the professor wear his sunglasses to class? Because his students were so bright.
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Why should golfers always bring an extra pair of pants with them? In case they get a hole in one.
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Why do mushrooms get invited to all the parties? Because they’re such fungis!
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Why does Peter Pan fly around so much? He Neverlands.
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What’s an astronaut’s favorite meal of the day? Launch.
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What does a volcano say to his crush? “I lava you!”
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What do you call a turtle that is famous? A shell-ebrity.
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Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course! The Empire State Building can’t jump!
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What did Venus say while flirting with Saturn? “Give me a ring sometime.”
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What’s a geologist’s favorite place to bring a date? A rock concert.
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Why did the boy put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold, hard cash.
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Why is Cinderella so bad at playing football? She runs away from the ball.
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What candy do bumblebees love the most? Bumble gum.
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What kind of shoes does a banana peel love wearing? Slippers.
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What did the big rose say to the little rose? “Hi, bud!”
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What did the Dalmatian say after she had a huge meal? That hit the spot.
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When a lemon is sick, what do you do? Give it lemon-aid.
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How do billboards talk to each other? With sign language.
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What do lawyers wear when they go to court? Law-suits.
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What type of music do balloons hate listening to? Pop.
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Which superhero is a pro at hitting home runs? Batman.
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What do you call a pile of cats outside? A meow-tain.
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Where does Spider-Man do research when he needs to find out something? The World Wide Web.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital? He was peeling really bad.
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What did one wall say to the other wall? I’ll meet you at the corner!
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What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!
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Why did the elephant paint himself different colors? So he could hide in the crayon box!
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What side of a turkey has the most feathers? The outside!
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What did the math book say to the guidance counselor? I have so many problems.
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Where should you go if you want to learn how to make ice cream? Sundae school.
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What’s a computer’s favorite thing to snack on at night? Computer chips.
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What is a pizza’s favorite type of jokes? Cheesy ones!
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What’s the most expensive fish called? A goldfish.
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What’s one way the moon cuts his hair? Eclipse it.
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Why did the puppy get great grades in class? He was the teacher’s pet.
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Why did Mickey Mouse decide to become an astronaut? He wanted to visit Pluto.
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What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A moo-sician.
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What animal needs to wear a wig? A bald eagle!
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Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will let it go!
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What’s one animal you’ll always find at a baseball game? A bat.
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What’s a pirate’s favorite class to take in school? Arrrrrt.
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What’s a pencil’s favorite place to visit? Pencil-vania.
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Where do polar bears store their money? In a snow bank.
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Why do all witches wear black? So you can’t tell which witch is which.
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What do you call two birds who are in love with each other? Tweet-hearts.
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What do you do to fix a broken jack-o-lantern? You use a pumpkin patch.
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What type of shoes do frogs have too many pairs of? Open-toad shoes.
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Why are sports stadiums always so cool? They are filled with fans.
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What’s a kitty cat’s favorite color? Purrr-ple.
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What candy is always running late to things? Choco-late.
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What do you have to add to soup to make it gold soup? Fourteen carrots.
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What’s a sleeping dinosaur called? A dino-snore.
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Where do hamburgers go if they want to go dancing? The meatball.
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What is the most famous type of animal in the sea? A starfish.
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What class do birds always ace? Owl-gebra.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What starts with gas and has three letters? A car.
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Why don’t lamps ever sink when they’re in the water? They are too light.
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What’s the smartest type of insect? A spelling bee.
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What’s a pirate’s favorite country to travel to? Arrrgh-entina.
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What is a pair of monkeys called who share an Amazon account? Prime-mates.
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What did the firefly say to her BFF? “You glow, girl!”
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What type of dog is great at telling time? A watch-dog.
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What’s something that falls but will never hit the ground? The temperature.
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Why did the bird get in trouble in class? He was tweeting on a test.
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What type of pizza do dogs like to order? Pup-eroni pizza.
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What did the finger confess to the thumb? “I’m in glove with you!”
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What does a storm cloud make sure to wear under her raincoat? Thunderwear.
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Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.
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What did one plate whisper to the other plate? Dinner is on me.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite!
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What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt!
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Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him!
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How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator? By the footprints in the butter!
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What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming? “Here come the grapes!” (She was colorblind.)
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Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide!
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What can you catch but not throw? A cold!
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What falls in winter but never gets hurt? The snow!
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What do you call a flower that runs on electricity? A power plant!
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Why couldn’t the pony sing in the choir? Because she was a little horse!
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Why was the teenage broom late for homeroom? He overswept.
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What’s the strongest type of sea creature? Mussels.
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What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.
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Where do cows go to hang out when they are bored? The moooooovies.
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What kind of fruit do twins love the most? Pears.
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Why aren’t unicorns great dance partners? They have two left feet.
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Why did Darth Vader turn off all the lights in the room? He likes it on the dark side.
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What do cats always wear when they go to bed? Paw-jamas.
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What does a spider wear to her wedding? A webbing dress.
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Why are fish so smart? They live in schools.
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What do you call a bull that is sleeping? A bulldozer.
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What has thousands of ears but can’t hear at all? A cornfield.
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What does an Italian ghost always order when he goes out to eat? Spook-hetti.
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What type of keys are known for being extra sweet? Cookies.
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What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
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Why are ghosts, bad liars? Because you can see right through them!
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Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honey combs!
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Why did the man run around his bed? Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!
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If April showers bring Mayflowers, what do Mayflowers bring? Pilgrims!
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Where do fish keep their money? In the river bank!
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Why did the gum cross the road? It was stuck to the chicken’s foot!
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Why are elephants so wrinkled? Because they take too long to iron!
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What is the difference between elephants and grapes? Grapes are purple.
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What did one hat say to the other? Stay here, I’m going on ahead.
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Why do strings never win a race? Because they always tie!
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Which hand is better to write with? Neither. It’s better to write with a pencil!
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What did the traffic light say to the truck? Don’t look! I’m changing!
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What is the witch’s favorite school subject? Spelling!
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What did the frog order for lunch? A burger and a diet croak!
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What is a little bear with no teeth is called? A gummy bear.
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Why did the chocolate chip cookie go to see the doctor? He felt crummy.
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Why did the toddler toss the butter out the window? So she could see a butter-fly.
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Why do so many fish live in salt water? Because pepper water would make them sneeze.
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If a clock strikes 13, what time is it? Time to get a new clock.
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What kind of photos will you find on a turtle’s phone? Shell-fies.
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What was one of the first things the elf learned in class? The elf-abet.
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What’s a boy bee’s go-to haircut? A buzzcut.
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When a bird needs to invest her money, what does she do with it? Puts it in the stork-market.
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What is a tree’s least favorite month of the year? Sep-timber.
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Why couldn’t the pony sing at her choir concert? She was a little hoarse.
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What do bees brush their hair with? A honeycomb.
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Which planet is the best singer? Nep-tune.
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What do you say to a rabbit on its birthday? Hoppy Birthday!
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What is brown and sticky? A stick!
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What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean meat!
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What do you call a fly without wings? A walk!
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Why did the picture go to jail? It was framed!
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How do you know if there’s an elephant under your bed? Your head hits the ceiling!
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How do you keep an elephant from charging? Take away her credit card!
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What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming? “Here come the elephants!”
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How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity? Shocked!
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What kind of room doesn’t have doors? A mushroom!
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