There’s a lot of stuff you learn about parenting along the way. The wisdom you’ve gathered that you wish you could share with your younger self. After all, it would make a lot of lives easier. Recently, Ted Gonder, a dad of three, did just that. This fall, he penned an honest open letter to his childless 24-year-old self about how to be a supportive partner during the “becoming parents” phase.
The post instantly went viral. So far, it has received over 68K reactions and 56K shares on Facebook, with many tagging their significant others in the comments. So, while Ted’s former self might not get the message, some soon-to-be parents will probably benefit from his advice.
More info: Facebook | Instagram
Image credits: Ted Gonder
Image credits: Ted Gonder
After seeing Ted’s open letter go viral, his wife shared her take as well
Image credits: Franziska Gonder
Image credits: Ted Gonder
“We didn’t do a lot of the traditional parent prep, like reading books or taking prep courses,” Ted told Bored Panda. “Our preparation path centered around a few key practices. First, we invested in strengthening our relationship by going for a walk together every morning in the forest by our house; all those steps we walked together helped us work through undiscovered differences in perspective and align as a team to prepare for parenthood.”
Image credits: Ted Gonder
“Second, we went on a ‘family retreat’ for a weekend and wrote down our family vision, values, and manifesto — a short guiding document that sets a shared vision between us of how we want our family to operate and who we want our family to become. Starting a family with your spouse is like cofounding a company, so having a clear purpose and shared North Star helps! And third, we are lucky that in our ‘preparation’, my wife was able to lean on her own mum and just pick up the phone any time she had a question.”
Image credits: Ted Gonder
Ted believes that, to some extent, no non-parent will ever be ready to become a parent. “It is the biggest life transition most people will ever experience, and no amount of book knowledge will prepare you for all the real-life scenarios you’ll face,” he said. One thing he and his wife have noticed is how most forms of preparation focus on the baby: how to breastfeed, hold, sleep, etc. but they don’t really hear a lot of people using the pregnancy time to invest in themselves or their relationship. “For my wife, for example, she credits daily pregnancy yoga and kettlebell workouts as the main reason why she was able to birth three very large boys with relative ease and be back on her feet and very active again just a few weeks later.”
Image credits: Ted Gonder
“The first thing I will say is that being with Franziska as she became a mother made me fall in love with her all over again, and showed me yet another of the thousands of reasons why I made an amazing choice of partner and how lucky I am to have found her. I’m lucky to be married to my best friend.”
“I personally didn’t realize the importance of working out for fatherhood until after my first son was born and I started getting backaches and tendinitis from all the carrying, so have held a rigorous exercise regime since then that’s been a game-changer,” the father continued. “But what I did do before our first was born was get a life coach who helped me get perspective on my life priorities and set a clear picture of how I could balance my work responsibilities with being a committed and engaged dad, something nobody had ever taught me how to do.”
People were deeply touched by his wise words
I honestly believe so many couples would benefit from this in stead of birthing classes. Those do not prepare anyone for what I've seen if them. There's a few things you can prepare for. Understanding how the actual process works. That it will change your life permanently and that usually hormones and sleep deprivation affect women very heavily. Empathy is the magic word that's very often left out.
@Michal Men do many awful things because of hormones. No one said hormones don't affect both sexes. But in the case of giving birth to a child, the changes and demands on a woman's body are substantial. Now if you had any knowledge of giving birth or raising kids, you'd know that. I'm just promoting the idea of getting people aware beforehand in stead of letting them figuring it out by themselves. For the plain and simple reason you're mentioning. If you're prepared you can use your conscious thinking to compensate (somewhat). If you don't, hormones and sleep deprivation will take you on a wild walk. Besides that, your assumptions are hilariously uneducated.
Load More Replies...It's not "how to help your wife", it's "How to be a good partner and father". I wish everyone had such support
I wish I could give you a hundred UPVOTES for this! Men should man up and shoulder their part of the jobs that need to get done. That is all there is to it.
Load More Replies...I'm surprised to see the negativity in these comments. While I find this post repetitive as we have seen this kind of thing on here a few times, I don't find it offensive in any way. Some guys do need to understand it's a team effort to take care of a baby.
Call me old fashioned, but changing diapers and carrying the child are NOT examples of helping your WIFE. They are the reasonable expectations from anyone who thinks they are nature enough to have a sexual relationship and care for the child that may come out of it. When a father says, "Lolok at me, helping my wife out with the kids," he's put himself into the position of glorified babysitter. Thank God my culture expects that fathers take as active a role in parenting as the mothers. I couldn't even imagine having my two sons as babies and having a live in babysitter rather than a father for my kids.
I kind of agree with you, except that sexual relationship should not equal "ready to care for a kid" that's why we have condoms, birth control, abortions, and the like.
Load More Replies...i disagree with number 5, just because our hormones are messed up when pregnant it doesn't mean we should get a free pass to speaking to our partners (or anyone) like they're a piece of s**t on the bottom of our shoes
There shouldn't be 5 things you should just do things BECAUSE YOU ARE THEIR FATHER NOT A BABYSITTER! Get off your butts and do what your supposed to do. Your not some legend cause you take the kids for an hour while your wife goes to the shop. She shouldn't even have to ask. The conversation should be "I'm going to the shop." 'Ok" no reference to the kids because she should know that you will watch the kids. Stop applauding fathers for doing their job!
It sounds like the person who actually wrote this was a woman posing as a man.
When Bored Panda does a HumbleBrag post next month will this story be included?
So many angry people about this loving couple, so many divorces and them and many like th m stand strong in love helping each other, damn them for trying to spread love and adoration for each other should be screaming about politics and vaccines right...
Raising your own child is not helping your wife, it's being a parent. It's like congratulating a man for 'babysitting' their own child.
I agree with the people saying this is simply being a parent. Why is it assumed men must be taught these things? Is it assumed women are born knowing how to parent? When we brought our first son home my husband knew as much as I did about babies which was nothing, I had never even changed a diaper. When he wasn't at work he's was all in, either doing diaper duty or cleaning around the house. When our twins were born he took weeks off knowing it would be a rough acclimation going from 1 toddler to being out numbered 3:1; HE suggested rotating night feedings with his parents so I could sleep and recover from surgery. But these were things he figured out himself, because he's the parent/spouse the same as I am.
I know it's only syntax but it's not to help out; implies it is their job if you only help. It's doing fair share and being supportive in a family. It's tiring at times but I wouldnt swap family life for anything in the world.
WHY ARE SO MANY PEOPLE HATING ON THIS! This guy just want to give a few suggestions not tell you what to do! He loves her obviously. And he wants to show us how to have a good marriage or relationship. Then a few jerks come in and hate. WTH is wrong with some people?!?!?!
I’ve been married to my Gary for 44 years now and I thank God for him every single day. He is the kindest, most loving, funny man I’ve ever known. I developed some auto immune issues years ago and that man immediately stepped up without any hesitation. Fibromyalgia can be so hard but there he is...cooking, cleaning and taking care of me. He is worth his weight in diamonds. If couples would just truly give more than they take from a relationship things would go so much easier. Remember, one day the children will be gone and you’ll be alone with this person. Work on your love relationship constantly and the empty nest won’t be so devastating. Bless ya’ll....
What a Mr know-it-all, ugh, go and raise your kid and shut-up.
It seems You dont know what hormones are. And it's not blaming, it's just science. Maybe go read about it
Load More Replies...It's worth it in the end (to him, apparently). So why shouldn't he?
Load More Replies...If women supposedly make life difficult for you (lol like you don't make life difficult for them!) then don't bother dating women. We’ll be ok without you.
Load More Replies...If you men can't handle a mere ten pounds... Yikes! But I see a lot of y'all rocking the beer gut.
Load More Replies...I honestly believe so many couples would benefit from this in stead of birthing classes. Those do not prepare anyone for what I've seen if them. There's a few things you can prepare for. Understanding how the actual process works. That it will change your life permanently and that usually hormones and sleep deprivation affect women very heavily. Empathy is the magic word that's very often left out.
@Michal Men do many awful things because of hormones. No one said hormones don't affect both sexes. But in the case of giving birth to a child, the changes and demands on a woman's body are substantial. Now if you had any knowledge of giving birth or raising kids, you'd know that. I'm just promoting the idea of getting people aware beforehand in stead of letting them figuring it out by themselves. For the plain and simple reason you're mentioning. If you're prepared you can use your conscious thinking to compensate (somewhat). If you don't, hormones and sleep deprivation will take you on a wild walk. Besides that, your assumptions are hilariously uneducated.
Load More Replies...It's not "how to help your wife", it's "How to be a good partner and father". I wish everyone had such support
I wish I could give you a hundred UPVOTES for this! Men should man up and shoulder their part of the jobs that need to get done. That is all there is to it.
Load More Replies...I'm surprised to see the negativity in these comments. While I find this post repetitive as we have seen this kind of thing on here a few times, I don't find it offensive in any way. Some guys do need to understand it's a team effort to take care of a baby.
Call me old fashioned, but changing diapers and carrying the child are NOT examples of helping your WIFE. They are the reasonable expectations from anyone who thinks they are nature enough to have a sexual relationship and care for the child that may come out of it. When a father says, "Lolok at me, helping my wife out with the kids," he's put himself into the position of glorified babysitter. Thank God my culture expects that fathers take as active a role in parenting as the mothers. I couldn't even imagine having my two sons as babies and having a live in babysitter rather than a father for my kids.
I kind of agree with you, except that sexual relationship should not equal "ready to care for a kid" that's why we have condoms, birth control, abortions, and the like.
Load More Replies...i disagree with number 5, just because our hormones are messed up when pregnant it doesn't mean we should get a free pass to speaking to our partners (or anyone) like they're a piece of s**t on the bottom of our shoes
There shouldn't be 5 things you should just do things BECAUSE YOU ARE THEIR FATHER NOT A BABYSITTER! Get off your butts and do what your supposed to do. Your not some legend cause you take the kids for an hour while your wife goes to the shop. She shouldn't even have to ask. The conversation should be "I'm going to the shop." 'Ok" no reference to the kids because she should know that you will watch the kids. Stop applauding fathers for doing their job!
It sounds like the person who actually wrote this was a woman posing as a man.
When Bored Panda does a HumbleBrag post next month will this story be included?
So many angry people about this loving couple, so many divorces and them and many like th m stand strong in love helping each other, damn them for trying to spread love and adoration for each other should be screaming about politics and vaccines right...
Raising your own child is not helping your wife, it's being a parent. It's like congratulating a man for 'babysitting' their own child.
I agree with the people saying this is simply being a parent. Why is it assumed men must be taught these things? Is it assumed women are born knowing how to parent? When we brought our first son home my husband knew as much as I did about babies which was nothing, I had never even changed a diaper. When he wasn't at work he's was all in, either doing diaper duty or cleaning around the house. When our twins were born he took weeks off knowing it would be a rough acclimation going from 1 toddler to being out numbered 3:1; HE suggested rotating night feedings with his parents so I could sleep and recover from surgery. But these were things he figured out himself, because he's the parent/spouse the same as I am.
I know it's only syntax but it's not to help out; implies it is their job if you only help. It's doing fair share and being supportive in a family. It's tiring at times but I wouldnt swap family life for anything in the world.
WHY ARE SO MANY PEOPLE HATING ON THIS! This guy just want to give a few suggestions not tell you what to do! He loves her obviously. And he wants to show us how to have a good marriage or relationship. Then a few jerks come in and hate. WTH is wrong with some people?!?!?!
I’ve been married to my Gary for 44 years now and I thank God for him every single day. He is the kindest, most loving, funny man I’ve ever known. I developed some auto immune issues years ago and that man immediately stepped up without any hesitation. Fibromyalgia can be so hard but there he is...cooking, cleaning and taking care of me. He is worth his weight in diamonds. If couples would just truly give more than they take from a relationship things would go so much easier. Remember, one day the children will be gone and you’ll be alone with this person. Work on your love relationship constantly and the empty nest won’t be so devastating. Bless ya’ll....
What a Mr know-it-all, ugh, go and raise your kid and shut-up.
It seems You dont know what hormones are. And it's not blaming, it's just science. Maybe go read about it
Load More Replies...It's worth it in the end (to him, apparently). So why shouldn't he?
Load More Replies...If women supposedly make life difficult for you (lol like you don't make life difficult for them!) then don't bother dating women. We’ll be ok without you.
Load More Replies...If you men can't handle a mere ten pounds... Yikes! But I see a lot of y'all rocking the beer gut.
Load More Replies...
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