30 People Share The Dead Wrong Things Their Parents Taught Them, And There Is Actual Wisdom In Their Realizations
As kids, we see our parents as all-knowing people. However, as the years pass, we realize that our moms and dads are just regular humans after all, and that they too don't have all the answers. So we start looking elsewhere.
There's an interesting study published in the British Journal of Political Science, based on data from the U.S. and U.K., which found that parents who are insistent that their children adopt their political views inadvertently influence their children to abandon the belief once they become adults.
This can be explained by the fact that children who come from homes where politics is a frequent topic of discussion are more likely to talk about politics once they leave home, exposing them to new viewpoints—which they then adopt with surprising frequency.
Similar transformations happen in other areas as well. To get a better understanding of them, Reddit users u/nousername1982 and u/ZestyClose_Ad4682 recently started threads asking people to share the things their parents taught them that turned out to be totally wrong. Here are some of the responses, ranging from romantic relationships to personal finance, that we thought might be interesting and worthy of your time.
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"If a boy acts like a jerk, it means he likes you!"
No...just no...
First of all, he shouldn't be let off the hook for acting like a jerk. (Whether he's 5 or 105.) Secondly, it teaches girls that abuse is okay, or that they should expect to be treated like crap (and that it's okay for them to be treated like crap.)
I swear this was initially an embarrassment tactic for the boys to stop pestering girls and it originally stopped being said to the boys at "courting" age. (I put quotes because it's so cheesy and old-fashioned to say "courting", and not something I say normally.)
That sex, sexuality, drinking/drugs/partying, politics, money, spirituality are awkward things to discuss. I want my future kids to know facts and that if they are ever in trouble, I am a safe place for them. We don't have to talk about it if they don't want to, they'll be taught how to be safe, but they should also know that these subjects are a part of life and should not cause shame.
I didn't have a safe place to talk about anything, so I made sure I am the safe place for my kid, too. Nothing will shock me. I will not judge, just listen. However, some things do need to be talked about no matter if anyone wants to hear it or not.
We managed to get in touch with one of the Redditors that sparked this discussion, u/nousername1982 and they agreed to have a talk about their post and parenting in general.
"I don't really [remember] what I was doing exactly [when I came up with the idea to ask the internet this question]," they told Bored Panda.
"But, I have kids myself who are very curious and ask questions all the time. I made a promise to myself to be as honest with them as possible (without spoiling Christmas). But sometimes it is difficult to give a genuine answer because the truth would make something more difficult to accept. I've seen many Redditors posting about parents telling them they 'can do anything.' I believe those motivational speeches are essential for a child. Probably most of the stories were a variation of that."
If you stop reacting, they'll stop bullying you.
This hits hard. It was the teachers and daycare staff that were saying this trash to me, though. My mom sorta ignored it and thought I was doing something to cause other kids to bully me. No support. Nothing. This carries into adulthood. Eventually you stop caring what other people think but there is a stronger need to be heard the loudest, so you end up repeating the injustices you experience in life to friends and family until they acknowledge your plight, which never happens because you're being a downer, an attention-seeker, and a boring repeater. But you're not really trying to be any of that. You just want to understand why people are shitty towards you of all people.
That's just a lazy excuse for not doing anything and also puts the blame squarely on the victim (they behaved wrong, provoked).
As someone being bullied for over 10 years, I can tell you that this is indeed absolutely useless advise.
Absolutely. Sometimes the lack of reaction only makes the bullies more frenzied because they WANT to get a reaction out of you, and therefore intensify their bullying until they get it.
NO. If you ignore them, you actually encourage and validate such behavior. Your message to them is "I am still a victim". They will not stop and your self esteem will hit a new low. I faced bullying in school, then mobbing at my first jobs. I tried to ignore, to be nice, to befriend the abusers. Nothing worked. They only stopped when I stood up for myself and confronted them.
There are only 2 things that stop bullying. 1) Getting away from the bully, and 2) fighting back so they learn you won't take their crap lying down.
I was bullied all of my school life. My parents, wouldn't do anything. Of course, they were sadistic bullies too. But, when I got out if school, and away from my parents, I found, I could fight back! I even learned how to use my painful depression from my childhood, to fight back. Not, with my fists, but with sarcasm and quick wit. Ask my friends now, what I'm like. Just be kind to her, and she'll bend over backwards to help you. Bully her, and you'll be crying, and wishing you kept your mouth shut.
I have never heard parents say that were I live. I t was always if they hit you, hit back
God I wish my parents had said that instead of "be the bigger person".
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THIS!! Omg I heard this so much and ignoring them only made them worse!
I was outgoing and really smart as a kid, started getting bullied for it and learned to be quiet and keep to myself, even hide. It didn't stop any bullying, it just made them bully me for different reasons. I was smoking/drinking/doing drugs by 13. When I left school I switched to being the loudest person in the room, over sharing so that I'd get everything out before someone had the chance to take it from me or spread rumours or lies. If I ever have kids I'll teach them don't be scared to hit a kid if they hit you. I'll deal with the school. Defending yourself as a child wont stay on any records that matter in life and you might have a fighting chance at being a happy adult if you're not bullied your whole childhood.
Bullied from grade one to high school graduation. As I was about to walk across the platform to receive the my degree, someone told me that there was a "kick me" sign attached to my gown. I was so badly beaten up in grades 3-8. That I walked 1 1/2 miles each way to schools daily to avoid the bus. Parents? Father said "you must be doing something to provoke it." Then one day in third grade, he watched as I faced a stop sign at the bus stop and was kicked and punched from behind as I had been all year. He addressed the situation, but it never subsided. I developed the reputation as being vulnerable, and stayed by myself. Forty years later, I remain profoundly emotionally damaged. I have three advanced professional degrees ,including as a lawyer, and have never been able to hold any (even menial) position. Bitter, mianthropic. Despite 20 years of therapy, I finally gave up and remain mostly at home.
I feel this...and now people are asking why I'm so antisocial...
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I heard this all the time. What I needed to hear was that they were in the wrong & have my mom stand up for me.😥
Wrong. They will just keep at it. You need to stand up and beat there ass. Throw a chair at them and scream all crazy like asking if they want more.. they'll leave you alone then, trust me.
Dangerous...very dangerous. Its not the bullies fault its yours for crying 😢.......bull
This is never true because bullies get their self esteem from degrading others.
Nope ALWAYS advocate for yourself and others when bullied. Most bullies are bullied at home or get no attention at home (NOT making excuses) but intervention is needed. Teach your children to be open and honest with you about all things including bullying, so you can help them.
My parents said beat their asses, they'll learn to leave you alone.
There's only one thing that stops bullying. Hit the leader right on the snout, like 50 times in a row until the prinicpal have to come to separate you. Worked for me after 10+ years of being bullied. But maybe this only works for girls because they don't expect you to.
Does not work that way. I know as I was bullied as a kid and then my kids were. But I went all out to get the bullies stopped by the school.
I was bullied for 7 years in school and the teachers all said that...what a load of bullsh*t...nobody did anything to stopt it and it resulted in the common way, I was forced to move to another village and the bully stayed in school.
The schools STILL handle bullying the wrong way! Most bullies are so because they are mistreated at home. Instead of ignoring it,not believing it,they should start there. The teachers perpetuate a lot of this by refusing to believe their pets/in crowd, would EVER do such things when they are involved, turning their heads if they themselves don't care for the person. And b4 teachers respond w/"we would never",I've seen it myself as student and parent! And instead of having a 'no tolerance policy,they should investigate further. And God forbid,if I hear 'it's just a right of passage again,I'll scream! Nobody,NOBODY, should EVER be asked to be another's punching bag,or be ridiculed,etc! Bullying causes life long scars,it needs to be stopped! Punishing the victim for finally standing up for themselves is wrong and ALSO causes scars! Schools should be more concerned w/these issues then fighting about what should/shouldn't be taught or throwing parents out of meetings for standing up for their children. If u won't allow the kids to stand up for themselves,and now parents,u are part of the problem and perpetrating bullying!!
Thankfully I never heard that... I was usually the person standing up to the bullies. I even made one apologize to their target. I was very cute/pretty growing up, so I never used violence for it. When my son was getting picked on (being called a r****d - he's Autistic), he picked up a cone thing in the gym & clocked the kid with it. School suspended him for 3 days. I brought him out for ice cream. Worthy to note that County policy was to never leave the special needs kids alone, and this school did. Got them in trouble with the district, and him transferred to a better school. Nice black eye on their record - I don't play around.
Copout. Does a dog learn by not reacting? No it Kearns by TRAINING. Train kids not to bully. Train kids to not value wrong opinions
No, they dont. that's how you end up with some jerk following you around punching you in the back for 30 mins. Unfortunately the only language bullys understand is violence. Causing enough pain or fear is really the only solution. Basically same rules as prison applies to public school.
I think this is a total lie. I never reacted and it went on continuously. I thought it was normal due to biblical teachings strange upbringings and other things but even David defended against Goliath. Self defense is ok. Putting your hands on someone isn't. If you are that type of person please seek help. I felt myself changing into an angry person when I was in my early 30's and sought help. My thoughts: In relationships: Don't be reactive be active in your communication with someone and don't become a bully.
When I was 3 and at my first daycare, I remember to this day- Miss Asunta was the provider. I couldn't stop crying after my parents dropped me off the first time. Her solution: put me in the CLOSET until I stopped and calmed down. It was an empty, dark closet-no blanket, no light, just a bare wooden floor. I cried until she ended up calling my parents and asking if they would come get me.....FIVE HOURS LATER! What the HE££ is a THREE year old supposed to DO with that? Talk about difficulty trusting...like...FOREVER! Was a timid little wallflower until my 16th bday when my older cousin YANKED me out of my shell kicking and screaming (okay, maybe not ALL that). I found my voice and (being Italian) I haven't shut up since! 💜
When I was younger I was bullied precisely BECAUSE I didn't react. I was quiet and an easy target. It was clear that I would just take it so, I was targeted. Finally had an emotional breakdown at home one day and my mother got it out of me what was going on. She went to the school, who set up a meeting with the parents of the kids involved. Got it stopped, thank goodness. Junior High is hell, man.
That's not true at all... They continue untill you have a reaction and if you do something it will get worst... I got bullied for being the new entry in elementary school, I got bullied for another 2 whole years by a girl older that me and her "gang" e in middle school (secondary school?) and nobody really cared, I told the teachers and they talked to her, making the situation worse sadly because she did it outside school grounds and used violence too. I also tired talking to my parents, my mom lectured her cause I insisted on it, but that didn't really stop her for long, only for 1 month.... After that she started again and I just suffered in silence until she finished her schooling. If by pure coincidence we would have gone to the same high school I guess she would have targeted me again. What she did worsened my depression, made me have low self-esteem and a bit of an attention-seeker I guess. When I saw her from afar at a café with some girls the other day, I got a panic attack...
On the same vein as this. "Stand up for yourself and hit them back. The bullies are cowards." That only works if you actually have the means of standing up for yourself. The scrawny 120Lbs kid isn't going to do much to the 200Lb football jock. Standing up for yourself here only shows the bully that there's really nothing you can do to protect yourself.
I was taught to hit back and hit back hard and worry about the consequences later. Because they'll get in trouble just as much as you
I was in about 4th grade when this 1st or 2nd grader started bullying me. I fought back once but he called his big brother and his friends over. There were about six of them and I got beaten up and ever since I would flinch whenever he tried anything and he was very braggy about how he could scare someone older than him. Because it was at the bus stop and not on school grounds the teachers said they couldn't do anything. However, when his big brothers/friends had moved on to junior high or juvie (I'm not sure which) they didn't ride the same bus anymore and he was all on his own. One day (after I had moved on to junior high) my friend and I were walking and he decides to attempt to hit me with his bike. I grabbed his handlebars and turned them completely sideways, dumping him off his bike. My friend and I just kept walking and chatting like nothing had happened and this kid was smart enough to realize that his reign of terror was over and I have been bully-free ever since.
Did just ignoring it ever work for them? Or were they just never bullied? Because you have to tell someone. I was bullied, but the moment I explained the situation to my teachers, the kid was suspended. Find a teacher that will do something, and keep them close.
I Beat Up My First Bully when I was 10. I saw Him Slap My Brother (who was 5, with a head injury from being hit by a Van and had to wear a helmet) in the Head.
It always bothered me when I decided to stand up for myself that I'd get in trouble without fail. Guy bullied me for months, as an example, I reported it several times and nothing ever happened. Then one day I beat the ever loving heck out of the guy and I get suspended. Never got bullied by the guy again but yeah. I was the bad guy? Okay ...
No.No,they won't.I always felt,Hey,you don't have to like me,but if you don't like me why can't you just leave me alone?? One thing,though,that my mom told me,is that many times these bullies are afraid of being bullied themselves for whatever reason,and so they distract others by bullying someone who is more obviously target material Every nasty girl who targeted me in school was,with one exception,overweight(a big societal no-no,even in grade school)or,in the other case,slim but not very attractive in looks but even more unattractive in personality.One of them went on to apologize to me as an adult.She'd been a really sweet girl when she was younger(we'd been in more than one class together)so her relentless teasing and bullying out of nowhere had been even more troubling because of the change in attitude.I found out later,from others,that she had become a target herself.As a kid,this news was pleasing.Now of course I feel bad for her,because it's so hard to endure.
No ! ...bullies need to be told to stop !!! Or the behavior just keeps repeating
Took me coming into my youngest son's 1st grade class and informing her that IF she ever again hit my son for being left-handed... I would be filing suit for current and any and ALL future wages. That twit WAS also left handed. My son ? Married father,homeowner. Owns his own custom motorcycle and truck company. Left handed is not a problem...except for the ignorant.
This was what my mom told me in the 70s and 80s. Just ignore them and they'll leave you alone. Not true, but it made me a really good mom. Nobody bullied my daughter. If they tried, mama bear visited the school and kids parents. It empowered my daughter. Once she hit middle school, she stood up for herself like a boss. She was kind of an a$$hole if they tried, and I was ok with that.
No. The bullying escalates because no one is stopping them. They are going to push until they get a reaction or until the victim is dead. Or until the victim kicks their asses/shoots them/whatever outlet they can find since no one is teaching the bullies to behave like civilized human beings. Being helpless sucks. Some people snap. Why don't we have a better support system, teach kids how to make better world instead of letting them make it worse for someone else? Why are there so many people that scoff at the idea of a peacefull and caring world?
If no one sticks up for you it's time to stick up for yourself. You don't have to tell teachers or any other adult in sight that it's happening because they see it. Haul off and hit sucker as hard as you can in the nose and they will stop because they won't be able to see. Look at the adult that isn't doing their job to protect you and tell them I had no choice because you weren't going to stop it. The mental and emotional trauma of being bullied adds up over time and it out weighs their black eyes by a long shot. You have to live with that pain the rest of your life while they only have to live with their face pain for what a week? Only people on the other side of the bullying say violence doesn't pay. They've never lived it to know what it feels like and how long it lasts. My life was bad enough that I can almost sympathize with the people who take much more drastic approaches. It shouldn't be the kids responsibility to handle the situation.
This is absolute bollocks. When I was a freshman in high school, a girl that was bullying me pushed me into a metal door when I was trying to avoid her and had my headphones in. We were both put on out of school suspension for 3 days, arrested and charged with battery and assault, and had to write an essay, take an intervention course with the sheriffs, do 20 hours of community service and stay out of trouble until you turn 18 so it could be sealed. I was an honors student and athlete and had never been in trouble. After the suspension, she decided to take her mom's car for a joyride and was put on house arrest. She broke it and ended up in juvie. Never heard from her again. Teachers did nothing about it
Ooof. Just no. I was bullied for years and that was the only advice I got from the people at school that should deal with that. I'm on the spectrum and normally a sweet mellow dude but my "strangeness" made me a target I guess. I didn't tell my parents until later because of threats and bad advice from teachers like this making me feel I must be doing something wrong. Then one day when the main bully tried to blackmail me with violence to get my favorite keyring that was on my bag I just went no. This is precious to me, it was a gift. He of course tried to go full force violent on me, but all of the repressed emotions, fueled by my need to not surrender that keyring, made me go into in a full red mist rage. After some time I was pulled off the now whimpering bastard and threatened with suspension. That was when my parents found out and took the school board to task. And, funnily enough, the bullies never touched me again. But I still have the mental scars but I'm working them out
Completely disagree. My parents mouthed similar comments. As a parent myself, I swore that my children would be able to protect themselves from any behavior another towards themselves- if they felt threatened. Violence isn't the solution to all these incidents, but at times it is necessary to stand up for yourself in the way you are comfortable.
My a**e! If you stop reacting, they only bully you *harder* to *get* you to react.
fighting worked better. if some called me stuipd, gross, werid ect. bc of how i acted as a kid, ( i have autism) so id just lash out n hit them back. It made me feel good to staand up for myself, since no 1 esle would.
I've always hated this one, especially placed beside, "You're just going to have to get thicker skin bc you'll deal w people like that all your life." So us, the thin skinned and bullied, need to change bc you can't expect something to be done about this other group? THEY can't be asked to change? We're talking about bullies, not gravity or strokes. They aren't some force of nature humanity has no way to change. They're people, just like everyone else. Why should the VICTIMS be told they need to be the one doing any changing? Parents are just lazy when it comes down to it. Too many want a child as sort of a mascot; "Look at our completed family!". Once it gets real, parents just can't be bothered, and it makes it where you gotta do just *nothing* if you can just convince them the issue lies with them and their actions. YOU go get stronger so *I* don't have to actually do anything, dear.
This hits hard, because, as a teacher, I wish we knew/could do more in this situation. We try to support the bullied, but it is hard to stop bullies, especially when they are often online and children are reluctant to 'dob' in the guilty party. We hope that early wellbeing lessons about resilience and how to be a good friend are helpful but struggle to do more. In an ideal world we would punish the bully and try and give both parties counselling and that would be the end of it but it usually isn't.
Yeah that doesn't work. What DOES work? Teaching your kids how to properly defend themselves and kick the s**t out of bullies. Also, ALWAYS stick up for anyone being bullied.
In school I was a pretty good artist. When someone gave me cr*p, I would start drawing them. It generally shut them up.
Bit of background first. Born with largely missing right leg in '65 and after amputation was fitted full leg prosthetic. When teased my Dad told me that it would be very hard to do but don't let them see you cry. Roll your eyes or something to show you think they are stupid. Don't let them make you react. Bullies want that reaction more than anything and if you don't give it to them. It largely worked especially after 7/8the grade. Believe me I made jaws literally drop when I casually answered yeah when they said Hey Hopalong. However I did have some serious emotional a girl bullied me not for my leg like I was used to. She made fun of the rest of me. That killed me inside. Thankfully the vermin moved after 7the grade because that messed me up. Still does. Guys tend to do dumb stuff and say it too. Girls are flat out vicious. Plus they know right where to claw. I am almost 57 and still feel the pain no matter how I try not to. So obviously my Dad's advice doesn't always work.
You know what really stops a Bully? Refusing to be a victim and fighting back. Helps if you get people behind you too... I had two bullies in middle school and my friends and I had enough one day. Dodgeball was MERCENARY that day. Head shots galore from every direction. PE teacher looked the other way. Never had a problem with them again.
this is so false. when I was in elementary school, I stopped talking for a couple if months because if bullying. people are so cruel
My Mom had a way of making this extra worse. She would look in the school directory and call their landlines and leave a voice-mail, "Your daughter kicked sand in my daughter's face". Or she would confirm that child at school when dropping me off. God I cringe! At the same time if it were a random adult scolding me she just went along them.
As soon as I stopped reacting, my bullies did in fact stop bullying me. However, I was never accepted after years of bullying so I was always alone and seen as an outcast. That hurt just as much as the bullying itself.
They will. They need validation. You AND the people around you have to stop reacting.
Lack of empathy. My parents grew up in a really really horrible situation and they made it out and did well for themselves. So now anytime anyone struggles they refuse to feel bad for them because they have gone through worse and did fine. I think people deserve empathy regardless.
I don't know this guy's story or where he comes from, if he's homeless or has a home and struggling with something. I was at Subway and saw him chatting with the staff. He left with nothing. As soon as I started asking what he wanted they said he wanted food, and that he comes in frequently and they used to give him free food but can't continue doing that. I was going to buy him something if that was the case. I was a bit hesitant hearing that it's been a regular occurrence but then I thought I've been homeless and hungry before. Why the hell not. I bought a $10 gift card for them to use it towards him the next time he shows up. If he doesn't show up, someone's got a free gift card regardless and that is just fine.
u/nousername1982 thinks that parents and their kids every now and then simply end up on different terms. "Sometimes parents have priorities that kids don't understand, like 'Why are they always having to work that much?' Truth is, at least in my case, I don't have to work that hard, but I'm motivated to advance my career. I'm not working to pay for the food, house, or toys. I'm working for the extras."
"Also, most parents strive to have an easy life, which is sometimes difficult to combine with kids. You don't want to tell your kids they can't have something because mom or dad doesn't want to make the effort," the Redditor continued. "My parents told me I had to quit my favorite sport because of a kid that was dealing drugs in the club. Later, I realized it was because the drive was too much of a hassle. The drug dealer had little to do in the decision."
That parents never have to apologize to their kids.
I love my dad. He is a great dad and I know he loves me so much, but he has it in his head that even now, even when his youngest (me) is an adult, that he doesn't need to apologize if he does something wrong. It's baffling.
Same here. Mine barely uses basic manners with me. She does with everyone else. Just not me.
Math and science aren’t gonna serve a girl well.
I would had killed to have someone reared me into STEM when I was younger.
I wish I had more access to electronics and the computer and internet.
Even though the idea of lying to your kids sounds harsh at first, a study published in the International Journal of Psychology found that 84 percent of the American parents surveyed do it to get them to behave. This is also known as 'instrumental lying.'
While the decision when to use it is ultimately up to the parents, there are certain situations where it's considered more acceptable. For instance, the fictional story of Santa Claus is universally known, and many young children learn it from their moms and dads. So long as they're not using Santa to threaten the little ones into behaving, it's perfectly fine. Interestingly, one study, published in Child Psychiatry and Human Development, discovered that children who eventually found out the truth about Santa Claus reacted positively to the news.
"Respect your elders" but in the sense that you should just keep quiet when you disagree with somebody older than you - turns out many people are awful regardless of their age. Don't get me wrong, my default is to respect any new person I meet, but when a person has repeatedly shown me that they don't are about my feelings or even basic logic, I won't hold back from speaking my mind calmly, even if they see this as disrespectful.
My grandad taught me that respect is earned, there is no situation where respect is to be given just because. You don't just get respect from being old. He was a man I respected, and he earned it multiple times over.
Finish your plate. B*tch that is what all that Tupperware is for.
However, it's important to remember that there are other ways to go about it. Although parental lying is common, too much of it may lead to negative long-term effects. In a study where the researchers surveyed 379 young Singaporean adults who reported their parents lying during their childhood, they discovered that the participants who were lied to as children were more likely to lie to their parents as adults.
The study also suggested that parental dishonesty can create trust issues and problems externalizing certain emotions, like aggression.
That crying is shameful.
I had a tendency of crying to easily when i was younger so now nobody takes me seriously when i am in visible distress
That you need to hustle 100% of the time and be constantly busy with school/work, extra activities, side projects, cleaning etc. Spending time unwinding is a sign of laziness and boredeom and intelligent people are never bored. This really messed me up and I'm still learning the art of wasting time.
"I read some stories about pets that 'ran away,'" u/nousername1982 said. "I too discovered 20 years after the 'dog ran away' that he was euthanized. I can imagine the truth is difficult to share with kids."
"Other lies are just lame, with no excuse. I shared the story that my father told me he had to get A's every day at work. Of course, that is not true, and it didn't help me to get motivated. A friend of mine tells his kids about a 'dangerous man' coming at night if the kids are not good. This is just bad parenting."
Even though the Redditor believes it's impossible to raise a kid without lies, they nonetheless think that parents should strive to be honest.
My mum made me believe that privacy was a privilege. Wasn't until I started studying childcare and learning in depth about the rights of the child that I learned it is a right and that my mum is full of bullsh*t
“Bullies are cowards.”
No they aren’t. They’re evil scum who are naively capable of ruining your life for decades after. And they’re not afraid to do so.
Cowards? They are anything but cowards, they feel all powerful because they literally massacre children who have done nothing to them, well hidden behind the school garbage cans. And if by some miracle this child manages to talk about it, to a teacher or a supervisor, these assholes are smart enough to make everyone believe that it was you who started it and WORST that you deserved it. A "big" (12) girl from daycare (I was 6/7 years old) spent three years telling me every night "your mother is dead, she won't come to get you, she will never come back". It created anxieties in me that I still feel today... But Go die Sarah!!!!
If you're contemplating whether or not to bend the truth, experts advise to ask yourself a few questions first:
- Are you only helping them in the short term, which might affect things in the future?
- Will your lie confuse them or give them unrealistic expectations of people?
- Is the lie for you or them?
- Are they able to understand the truth?
Often, a child's age and maturity determine whether or not a lie is the way to go!
Tell me the truth I won't be mad.
Aaaaaaaaand that's how you get to be punished (in the best case) for something as trivial as having forgotten to start the washing machine for the mother-in-law...
That you have to “suffer for love” (I’m a chick). Thanks mom, you set me up for a lifetime of trying to change narcissistic losers.
My "best friend" when I was a teenager (15), told me that in love or in friendship, if we didn't suffer, it wasn't real... Yeah, of course...
My dad always said. "Children should be seen and not heard." I'm not a big fan of that one
Well I was mostly raised by my grandparents. We lived in an all white community and my grandparents believed every terrible thing they had ever been told about black people. I spent my youth being fed those lies but everyone I knew was white and I couldn’t imagine it being true. When I got to college I met my first non white people and was able to verify that the things they believed just weren’t true.
And luckily both of them realized that before they passed away.
‘’Parents always know what’s best for their child’’
That their love has conditions, and if not followed they will drop you in your time of need. Right or wrong, I hope my children will never feel like they can’t talk to me or that I will judge them.
And some elderly folks wonder why their family dumped them in a care home and don't want to contact them again.
Saying, 'Do as I say, not as I do.' A leader shouldn't ask his followers to do something he wouldn't.
That sex is something to be ashamed of.
Let me guess? Religious parents? Why are they SO obsessed with sex & punishment?
That as long as we “have always been given everything we need we are loved”. The emotional abuse has ruined me
The man of the house is always right.
Don't worry about the college loans! You're smart, you'll get a good job and pay that off in a few years.
That it is illegal to have the little ceiling light on in the car.
That i basically have to be a smaller version of them, believe exactly what they do and not think for myself and have my own opinion. If i have kids id let them be open minded and believe what they want
To try to fit in as much as possible and to please others, at the expense of who you really are on the inside.
There are so many things in this list that have hurt me over the years, but this one was probably the worst one for me and is still today. After already years of mental issues, currently recovering from a depression. After 36 years I'm now finally at the point that I really feel like I'm allowed to express myself. Wear the clothes I like, live the life that I like, hell even think what I like. Never, ever tell your kids to be normal, if they are expressing themselves differently. They will start eating away themselves from the inside and at some point they will break.
Note: this post originally had 78 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
"Don't be sad/scared/angry". Telling kids how to feel or not feel does a tremendous amount of harm.
I think the most harmful thing my dad ever told me was that boys/men are only interested in one thing from girls/women.
Most harmful thing my dad told me is that he was finally having the son he always wanted when I was 15 a week before my 16 birthday when he told me he was having another child. Wtf am I then u Kno. The son u never wanted.
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It's mind-boggling that being attention-seeking is such a bad thing in the first place. Everyone needs attention !? And people who self harm often just need help, so why not just give that help to them!?
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Following my wife's example, a common saying to our kids is, it's ok to be (mad, sad, angry, stressed, etc), but it's not ok to (hit, scream at, throw, etc). We're not perfect parents, but I love that my toddlers are growing up feeling comfortable to feel and share their emotions and thoughts. Total opposite example given to each of us growing up. Parents constantly fighting, screaming at each other. My dad, for a time, would go to sleep with his pistol on his night stand telling my mom, "I haven't decided if I'm going to kill you tonight or not." The cycles don't have to continue!!!
Yes I like this, I'm glad you're breaking the pattern and Oh wow I am so sorry to hear about that violence in your home, it sounds traumatic.
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I remember being told repeatedly by my step father that I had no rights legally, that as a child, I wasn't even considered a citizen, and that he owned me. Usually in response to me trying to speak up against his abuse or threatening to tell someone. I kept silent until well into adulthood when I found out he'd been abusing my significantly younger siblings too. I'd thought he treated them better because they were his actual kids and he wanted them, which was true, but only to an extent. Abusive people are going to be abusive to anyone they have power over.
That only pretty girls are molested or harressed so I don't have to worry about those sort of things. Tanks Mom...
My grandma told me that my kids should always by me first priority. The best thing my parents taught me: My spouse is my partner in life and my priority. Together, our top priority is our children. So many people can't grasp this concept and it leads to a lot of divorces and a lot of children that grow up with skewed views of what a healthy relationship is.
And kids will test any weaknesses they see in your relationship to see what they can get away with (asking the other parent when one already said "no", for example), which is normal stage of development, but if the parents have a strong relationship and communicate well they'll have a unified front the kids can't break (which benefits the whole family since the parents are looking out for the kids with their rules, etc.). This is assuming the parents do listen to their kids feelings, thoughts, opinions, etc. and take them into account when together deciding rules, etc. for the kids. When I say "unified front," I'm not implying a shutout or breakdown in communication.It's also leading by example as opposed to "do what I say, not as I do".
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"My dad used a bet to discipline me and it straightened me out." Fûck that, you do not use a wooden cooking spoon to spank someone, let alone when their reaction is ten fold what you'd expect. Especially if you're a step-father and not the primary caretaker. Should I have kids at some point, most likely by addoption, I will never treat them like that, ever. Also, BP, do you dare censor my comment. (Nice try.)
Well... This is awkward. But my dad used to cheat on my mom way often. He never said it was wrong but eventually I "learned" that it was OK. I cheated on my previous couples, he knew, and he didn't blink an eye. He just said: "they should have done something for you to cheat. Cheating is not for free." Dude, literally... I lived some awesome relationships going to waste because I thought it was ok, or to better say it, there were no consequences on cheating. I had to learn my own way how much it hurts others and how much it ruins lives. I was also OK to be cheated on. If my mom was, why wouldn't I? Life was not monogamous... I can say that realizing the truth has been the most painful lesson I'm still learning.
The first time I ever thought "if I have kids I would never do them like I was done on something that is very important to every little kid and I ruined it for my whole 2nd grade class cause of what I was told. I didn't know that I was the only kid in my whole class that was told when I was a toddler bout parents lies to their kids about Santa, that there has never been and never will be a Santa Claus... There really was a man named Saint Nicholas though. I told my class when someone asked me what I wanted Santa to bring me for Christmas. Told them Santa wasn't real that our mom's and dad's buys our Christmas presents not a fake man name Santa. It's your dad or grabdpa in Santa suit. The whole class was crying and I got sent to the office over it. They called and told my parents what I did and they said Good those kids needed to know that Santa is not real that a true Christian wouldn't lie about Santa to their child. That's when they knew the reason why I said there's no Santa
Don't worry my kids believed in Santa until they were 9. I had to break it to em when some little kid pulled Santas beard down at Bass Pro shop and my youngest daughter was always terrified of him when she saw that when she was 4. Had to pull my oldest to the side to explain why that man pretended to be Santa. Her younger sister found out bout "Santas Helpers" until she was 9.
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Work hard and be loyal to you company or emloyer and you will be rewarded. Wow, It must have been nice growing up in the 50s.
By age 12 I already had a whole list of what not to say or do to my own children based on what I saw or heard from my parents and siblings. I have a grateful family of my own. Grateful as in I'm glad you followed your list.
As a kid (I would've been no older than 7, my brother no older than 5) I had an uncle who gifted us animals. The weirdest was a baby alligator that my parents later got rid of - they said it gave my brother nightmares. Another time, he got my brother and I bunnies. My dad built a hutch outside and they stayed out there. One night, we had a bad storm with tons of wind. Bunnies were gone the next day. Our parents said the bunnies got loose in the storm. At 32, I learned that that wasn't the case... Apparently they were given to an aunt and her family who had a bunch of animals; I think my parents thought it'd be better for these bunnies. Nope - it was their death sentence. Shortly after, Dad found out that they killed and ate them. My parents were shocked, but now they just think the relatives didn't get the pet part where bunnies were concerned. If they'd go rabbit hunting, that's a food animal (as opposed to dogs or cats).
When the child tells the parent that they feel they should see a therapist because they have made a few suicidal attempts; the parent should not respond with; "You made yourself depressed, figure your way out. I'm not taking you to a shrink. People will think poorly of us." Yep, was told that at 17 years old. Thank God for good friends being our therapists.
Only ONE of these was not normalized in my home growing up. So toxic. Also: - asking for help is weak - mental healthcare is a sign of weakness - "pain is a great teacher" - parents should be feared, then loved - anything less than blind obedience is a sign of disrespect.
Okay most of these advices are actually bad advices and shouldn't be followed. But some are actually great and might save you. I was a rebellious kid because of my unfortunate family background, but now I'm trying my best to build a family better than what i was in. So i see from both sides of the perspectives. Some of these advices sounds like they were written by spoiled snowflakes who haven't see life from the adult viewpoint.
My dad was like everything one of these...no wonder I need therapy
As the fourth child, I just wish they would have paid some attention to me and talk to me and acted as if they were actually mother and father. They paid no attention to my school work or grades and when we moved when I was 11 they didn't make any effort to get me some friends or help me adjust to a new neighborhood
Some harmful things I've heard: "Stop crying or I'll give you a reason to cry" / "you're too young to know" (in response to my coming out which I was not ready to do but kinda got thrown into it) / "You're 14, I'm 40, I think I know better than you" yes, you might know more stuff but I have different experiences than you, and while I have never experienced being an adult I'm not 5 and I'm allowed to form opinions on things. / And that one time he got really mad at me because I worded my phrase wrong and made it sound like I was questioning the authenticity of the story of Virgin Mary. / For anyone who has dealt with a narcissistic, homophobic, racist, or even straight up abusive parent, I'm so sorry and I'll listen to you rant anytime. I'm lucky enough that while my dad isn't the best I am still very privileged and my parents have never physically abused me.
One thing that i will never teach my children that my mom told me? THAT ROBLOX AND YOUTUBE ARE BAD, WHEN THEY ACTUALLY ARE NOT!!!
You must be about 10. I sincerely doubt when you’re 30 Roblox and YouTube will even be a thing anymore.
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Our children will be saying similar things about us. That is the hope. We all want to do better than our parents, but we have to understand, for most; they did the best they can.
I've been bullied a lot on and off by various people who were determined to crush my self-confidence. I've always been very quiet irl and these various individuals have completely ruined my ability to socialise with people I haven't had months to become comfortable around. Overall, I'm just trying to say all the ones about bullying (the why/how you should react) hit HELLA hard because I've found they're never right
Perfection is unattainable. That being said, you should strive to be better every day in every way you can. You WILL make mistakes like these, if not these themselves....but its what we do after the mistake that shows us who we are.
Nothing like a bunch of whiney children pretending their parents were so abusive and terrible.
It might help if you actually stuck to the topic instead of parading your issues. You only get banned around here for hate speech and trollish viciousness, which is just as it should be.
Load More Replies...
"Don't be sad/scared/angry". Telling kids how to feel or not feel does a tremendous amount of harm.
I think the most harmful thing my dad ever told me was that boys/men are only interested in one thing from girls/women.
Most harmful thing my dad told me is that he was finally having the son he always wanted when I was 15 a week before my 16 birthday when he told me he was having another child. Wtf am I then u Kno. The son u never wanted.
Load More Replies... It's mind-boggling that being attention-seeking is such a bad thing in the first place. Everyone needs attention !? And people who self harm often just need help, so why not just give that help to them!?
Load More Replies... Following my wife's example, a common saying to our kids is, it's ok to be (mad, sad, angry, stressed, etc), but it's not ok to (hit, scream at, throw, etc). We're not perfect parents, but I love that my toddlers are growing up feeling comfortable to feel and share their emotions and thoughts. Total opposite example given to each of us growing up. Parents constantly fighting, screaming at each other. My dad, for a time, would go to sleep with his pistol on his night stand telling my mom, "I haven't decided if I'm going to kill you tonight or not." The cycles don't have to continue!!!
Yes I like this, I'm glad you're breaking the pattern and Oh wow I am so sorry to hear about that violence in your home, it sounds traumatic.
Load More Replies... I remember being told repeatedly by my step father that I had no rights legally, that as a child, I wasn't even considered a citizen, and that he owned me. Usually in response to me trying to speak up against his abuse or threatening to tell someone. I kept silent until well into adulthood when I found out he'd been abusing my significantly younger siblings too. I'd thought he treated them better because they were his actual kids and he wanted them, which was true, but only to an extent. Abusive people are going to be abusive to anyone they have power over.
That only pretty girls are molested or harressed so I don't have to worry about those sort of things. Tanks Mom...
My grandma told me that my kids should always by me first priority. The best thing my parents taught me: My spouse is my partner in life and my priority. Together, our top priority is our children. So many people can't grasp this concept and it leads to a lot of divorces and a lot of children that grow up with skewed views of what a healthy relationship is.
And kids will test any weaknesses they see in your relationship to see what they can get away with (asking the other parent when one already said "no", for example), which is normal stage of development, but if the parents have a strong relationship and communicate well they'll have a unified front the kids can't break (which benefits the whole family since the parents are looking out for the kids with their rules, etc.). This is assuming the parents do listen to their kids feelings, thoughts, opinions, etc. and take them into account when together deciding rules, etc. for the kids. When I say "unified front," I'm not implying a shutout or breakdown in communication.It's also leading by example as opposed to "do what I say, not as I do".
Load More Replies... "My dad used a bet to discipline me and it straightened me out." Fûck that, you do not use a wooden cooking spoon to spank someone, let alone when their reaction is ten fold what you'd expect. Especially if you're a step-father and not the primary caretaker. Should I have kids at some point, most likely by addoption, I will never treat them like that, ever. Also, BP, do you dare censor my comment. (Nice try.)
Well... This is awkward. But my dad used to cheat on my mom way often. He never said it was wrong but eventually I "learned" that it was OK. I cheated on my previous couples, he knew, and he didn't blink an eye. He just said: "they should have done something for you to cheat. Cheating is not for free." Dude, literally... I lived some awesome relationships going to waste because I thought it was ok, or to better say it, there were no consequences on cheating. I had to learn my own way how much it hurts others and how much it ruins lives. I was also OK to be cheated on. If my mom was, why wouldn't I? Life was not monogamous... I can say that realizing the truth has been the most painful lesson I'm still learning.
The first time I ever thought "if I have kids I would never do them like I was done on something that is very important to every little kid and I ruined it for my whole 2nd grade class cause of what I was told. I didn't know that I was the only kid in my whole class that was told when I was a toddler bout parents lies to their kids about Santa, that there has never been and never will be a Santa Claus... There really was a man named Saint Nicholas though. I told my class when someone asked me what I wanted Santa to bring me for Christmas. Told them Santa wasn't real that our mom's and dad's buys our Christmas presents not a fake man name Santa. It's your dad or grabdpa in Santa suit. The whole class was crying and I got sent to the office over it. They called and told my parents what I did and they said Good those kids needed to know that Santa is not real that a true Christian wouldn't lie about Santa to their child. That's when they knew the reason why I said there's no Santa
Don't worry my kids believed in Santa until they were 9. I had to break it to em when some little kid pulled Santas beard down at Bass Pro shop and my youngest daughter was always terrified of him when she saw that when she was 4. Had to pull my oldest to the side to explain why that man pretended to be Santa. Her younger sister found out bout "Santas Helpers" until she was 9.
Load More Replies... Work hard and be loyal to you company or emloyer and you will be rewarded. Wow, It must have been nice growing up in the 50s.
By age 12 I already had a whole list of what not to say or do to my own children based on what I saw or heard from my parents and siblings. I have a grateful family of my own. Grateful as in I'm glad you followed your list.
As a kid (I would've been no older than 7, my brother no older than 5) I had an uncle who gifted us animals. The weirdest was a baby alligator that my parents later got rid of - they said it gave my brother nightmares. Another time, he got my brother and I bunnies. My dad built a hutch outside and they stayed out there. One night, we had a bad storm with tons of wind. Bunnies were gone the next day. Our parents said the bunnies got loose in the storm. At 32, I learned that that wasn't the case... Apparently they were given to an aunt and her family who had a bunch of animals; I think my parents thought it'd be better for these bunnies. Nope - it was their death sentence. Shortly after, Dad found out that they killed and ate them. My parents were shocked, but now they just think the relatives didn't get the pet part where bunnies were concerned. If they'd go rabbit hunting, that's a food animal (as opposed to dogs or cats).
When the child tells the parent that they feel they should see a therapist because they have made a few suicidal attempts; the parent should not respond with; "You made yourself depressed, figure your way out. I'm not taking you to a shrink. People will think poorly of us." Yep, was told that at 17 years old. Thank God for good friends being our therapists.
Only ONE of these was not normalized in my home growing up. So toxic. Also: - asking for help is weak - mental healthcare is a sign of weakness - "pain is a great teacher" - parents should be feared, then loved - anything less than blind obedience is a sign of disrespect.
Okay most of these advices are actually bad advices and shouldn't be followed. But some are actually great and might save you. I was a rebellious kid because of my unfortunate family background, but now I'm trying my best to build a family better than what i was in. So i see from both sides of the perspectives. Some of these advices sounds like they were written by spoiled snowflakes who haven't see life from the adult viewpoint.
My dad was like everything one of these...no wonder I need therapy
As the fourth child, I just wish they would have paid some attention to me and talk to me and acted as if they were actually mother and father. They paid no attention to my school work or grades and when we moved when I was 11 they didn't make any effort to get me some friends or help me adjust to a new neighborhood
Some harmful things I've heard: "Stop crying or I'll give you a reason to cry" / "you're too young to know" (in response to my coming out which I was not ready to do but kinda got thrown into it) / "You're 14, I'm 40, I think I know better than you" yes, you might know more stuff but I have different experiences than you, and while I have never experienced being an adult I'm not 5 and I'm allowed to form opinions on things. / And that one time he got really mad at me because I worded my phrase wrong and made it sound like I was questioning the authenticity of the story of Virgin Mary. / For anyone who has dealt with a narcissistic, homophobic, racist, or even straight up abusive parent, I'm so sorry and I'll listen to you rant anytime. I'm lucky enough that while my dad isn't the best I am still very privileged and my parents have never physically abused me.
One thing that i will never teach my children that my mom told me? THAT ROBLOX AND YOUTUBE ARE BAD, WHEN THEY ACTUALLY ARE NOT!!!
You must be about 10. I sincerely doubt when you’re 30 Roblox and YouTube will even be a thing anymore.
Load More Replies... Our children will be saying similar things about us. That is the hope. We all want to do better than our parents, but we have to understand, for most; they did the best they can.
I've been bullied a lot on and off by various people who were determined to crush my self-confidence. I've always been very quiet irl and these various individuals have completely ruined my ability to socialise with people I haven't had months to become comfortable around. Overall, I'm just trying to say all the ones about bullying (the why/how you should react) hit HELLA hard because I've found they're never right
Perfection is unattainable. That being said, you should strive to be better every day in every way you can. You WILL make mistakes like these, if not these themselves....but its what we do after the mistake that shows us who we are.
Nothing like a bunch of whiney children pretending their parents were so abusive and terrible.
It might help if you actually stuck to the topic instead of parading your issues. You only get banned around here for hate speech and trollish viciousness, which is just as it should be.
Load More Replies... 