Every writer aspires to write a killer opening line for their story. However, some of them try too hard to instantly capture the reader's attention, and fail hilariously. Thanks to the writer Adam Cadre, who has held the Lyttle Lytton Contest since 2001, we have a huge amount of absolutely horrendous first-liners not only to laugh at, but also learn from. Each entry is accompanied by Adam's witty commentary, that could maybe help improve your writing!

Adam was inspired to create his own contest after borrowing the idea from the annual Bulwer-Lytton contest, which also 'celebrates' the worst opening sentences of novels. As Adam explained in his website, the original contest started getting a little too "unwieldy" for his taste, so in turn, he created a contest with entries no longer than 33 words.

Read the best submissions of 2018 below, and tell us what you think in the comments.

More info: adamcadre.ac

#1

Eric‑san had only one goal in life: make Kimiko‑chan his waifu‑chan.

Dylan Report

bob 1 year ago

Ahahahahah the best weeboo quote eva!

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#2

A tear rolled down her face like a tractor. “David,” she said tearfully, “I don’t want to be a farmer no more.”

anonymous Report

Asia 1 year ago

XD Like a tractor!

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#3

Dany approached the castle. (If you’ve forgotten about Dany, reread books 3‑6). In her hand, she held the sword Justificier (reread book 7), still bearing the blood of Durin (reread book 9).

Jenny Report

nanashi 1 year ago

is this a thesis?

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#4

Agent Gunner Storm closed his steely grey eyes and pictured the erotic sphere of Lady Liberty’s bare breast as he thrust into the terrorist princess.

Greg P Report

bob 1 year ago

Super Mario World War III?

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#5

As I felt the vampire sexily drinking the blood from my neck, the warmth between my legs grew both in wetness and in fear for my life.

Cole Borsch Report

Terror from Beyond Space 1 year ago

'Sexily drinking' = Slurp, Slurp.

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#6

The girl with the vegan pork regarded me with eyes more kind than the nonviolence on her plate.

Neil Martin Report

Lärry 1 year ago

O dear god. This is.... a so passive-agressive nonviolent shit that only vegan pork can be.

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#7

The tongue has no bones, but it is strong enough to break a heart.

Power of Positivity Facebook page quoted by Clare Fischer Report

Terror from Beyond Space 1 year ago

Sticks and stones can break my bones, but tongues will never hurt me!

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#8

She walked in with a dress the paralyzing green of the BlackWidow Ultimate Stealth 2014 Edition Elite Mechanical Gaming Keyboard by Razer (4.5 stars, 37 customer reviews)

Katherine Morayati Report

Terror from Beyond Space 1 year ago

I wonder if I could match that color at Home Depot?

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#9

Let me tell you about Sally. Her tits were good.

Sam Kabo Ashwell Report

#10

“It looks like this continent is out of water,” I said in Antarctica, as a rookery of penguins waddled thirstily by.

Ally Walker Report

Ali Cat 1 year ago

How does one "waddle thirstily?"

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#11

I had always been the kind of woman to put my career first, but as I prepared to abandon my crying children to go to work for the hundredth time, a thought struck me—​“Was this His plan for me?”

Holly McEwen Report

Terror from Beyond Space 1 year ago

Well, He is a male.

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#12

You find a cave (you’re a male Half‑elf). The female Full‑elves inside try to restrain their libidos, but that’s like butterfly nets trying to stop 100 mph of uncooked rice.

Allie Brosh Report

glowworm2 1 year ago

This sounds like a typical D&D campaign.

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#13

My lamestream friends told me to start dating again, but I knew the jet fuel of love couldn’t melt the steel beams of my heart.

Klaus Virtanen Report

Jacqui Epley 1 year ago

Subtle shots fired at 9/11 conspiracies.

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#14

The award show was a veritable orgy—​not of sex, but of cultural appropriation.

Bari Weiss, New York Times, 2017.0830 quoted by Peter Berkman Report

Wanda Queen 1 year ago

*gasp* Not THAT!

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#15

Commander B. G. Robinson is very feminine and graciously endowed: everything she has two of are perfectly matched, coordinated, and move with a wonderful grace that is called “woman.”

Star Trek: The Next Generation episode “The Outrageous Okona” shooting script adapted by Harper Cole Report

Terror from Beyond Space 1 year ago

She also has a great plastic surgeon.

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#16

Tad quit school to paint the canvas of Google Maps, his dad’s Camry his brush and his mind his own.

Hannah Sim Report

Agnes Jekyll 1 year ago

But what's in his glovebox?

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#17

“Thou must bewarest of woman, little Abu,” quoth wisely the Master. “For while her eyes holdeth the sweetness of a hundred dates, her lips holdeth the sting of a thousand scorpions.”

Benjamin Smith Report

Rebecca Norman 1 year ago

(That's 10 scorpions per date, for those keeping track.)

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#18

The puddle detective Amelia Stone stepped into reminded her of a pool of blood or sins as dark as the muddy water.

Iva Hauer Report

Tara Worthington 1 year ago

Well that escalated.

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#19

THE BULLET JOURNAL OF KELSEY JOY
To‑Do: 1/1 - 1/7
* Three‑year anniversary w/ partner in crime!!!
^ Appointment w/ ob/gyn
- Study for LSAT
+ Solve sister’s murder

Aimee Lim Report

Hamlets twin 1 year ago

lets just say I have a busy day

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#20

The brute was reminiscent of an ancient Ethiopian warrior, bristling with muscle and melanin, yet Charlie was unfazed.

Grayson Seelke Report

Rebekah 1 year ago

You go, Charlie!

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#21

Joe just looks at me with that stupid look, covered in flowing blood, going onto his shirt like ketchup randomness, so much messier and more random than I could ever plan.

Palo Alto by James Franco quoted by Ruben Luthman Report

Alia G. 1 year ago

“ketchup randomness” favorite phrase

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#22

Our eyes are always pointing at things we are interested in approaching, or investigating, or looking at, or having.

12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson quoted anonymously Report

Marlowe Fitzpatrik 1 year ago

Pointy-eyes syndrome. A rarely-mentioned problem :-(

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#23

I dance with English, and our tale is only just beginning.

Gods of the Word by Margaret Magnus quoted anonymously Report

Nanni 17 12 months ago

Oh, I'm dancing with English alright, dancing to understand these openings and trying not to be so confused :D

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#24

Texas “Cheap Shot” Jack, the famous Newark poker player, sighed about his life. Matters of the heart—​unlike the hearts he held in his hand—​could not be folded so easily.

Sam Coppini Report

Marlowe Fitzpatrik 1 year ago

Wow... this sounds like a beginning of a fanfiction-story that I would not continue reading.

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#25

There is no human hunger like unto the hunger for pride.

Brad Hanon Report

earringnut 1 year ago

i don't think "unto" means what they think it means.

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#26

Queen Aquareine had a stern look upon her beautiful face. Cap’n Bill guessed from this look that the mermaid was angry.

The Sea Fairies by L. Frank Baum quoted anonymously Report

James Cox 1 year ago

Truth was she was just constipated.

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#27

General Clap did not understand the way of the ancient warrior. However, the Shadow Wolves did.

The Way of the Shadow Wolves by Steven Seagal and Tom Morrissey quoted by Brendan Atkins Report

Rebecca Norman 1 year ago

General UTI was slightly unclear on the concept.

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#28

The atmospheric molecules that filled the Rose Bowl were in full vibration as kickoff approached.

Ryan McGee, espn.com, 2017.0915 quoted by Ryan S. Report

Rebekah 1 year ago

Sometimes, it's best to put down the thesaurus.

#29

Meghan Markle could not wait to say yes to Prince Harry when he proposed during a cosy night in over a roast chicken.

@TheScotsman, 2017.1127 quoted by Alyssa Alcorn Report

Wanda Queen 1 year ago

oh my fuck.....I can't even escape their wedding on BP!

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#30

Unhesitantly I skydove, commending my body into the lightweight but capable hands of my parachute.

Hannah Sim Report

Rebecca Norman 1 year ago

The other parachute model we considered also had legs but that was just a little bit too weird.

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