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Exhausted Mom Lists Society’s Impossible Expectations She’s Supposed To Fulfill

Exhausted Mom Lists Society’s Impossible Expectations She’s Supposed To Fulfill

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“Don’t settle for second best, you can have it all!” These kinds of positive, motivational slogans are often used to empower women, to show that there are no limits to ambition and that a woman needn’t have to choose between a successful career and a fulfilling family life.

But is there a danger of these good-intentioned attitudes actually doing more harm than good? Many women now feel an intense pressure to live up to these high standards, and ‘show’ society that hard work, dedication and superhuman organizational skills can make ‘having it all’ a perfectly achievable goal. But rarely do we see the reality behind the carefully curated Instagram accounts, Pinterests and perfectly maintained smiles of these uber-moms, many of whom could be at breaking point trying to juggle their responsibilities and maintain the facade.

Image credits: Sarah Buckley Friedberg

Enter mother-of-three Sarah Buckley Friedberg, also microbiology manager for a medical device company, dog owner, loving wife and many, many other things. Sarah is pretty much done pretending that she’s breezing through motherhood, and ‘having it all’ is just a piece of cake. In a now viral Facebook post, she decided to lay it all out on the table in an amusingly written, eye-opening rant that shows just how crazy society’s expectations of American moms have become.

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Image credits: Sarah Buckley Friedberg

European women might relate to Sarah’s post slightly less, with generous assistance to new mothers helping to decrease the levels of stress associated with juggling a career and a new family member. In an analysis of maternity leave in 42 countries by the Organization of Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD), all of the top 10 most generous countries were in Europe, with laws allowing women to take dozens of weeks paid leave. On top of this many countries also offer a compulsory paternity leave too, to give the father valuable time to nurture and connect with his children. Countries like Denmark also offer heavily-subsidized childcare for when mom and dad are ready to go back to work.

At the other end of the scale is the United States, which is the least generous member of all industrialized nations. Women in the U.S. are not guaranteed any paid maternity leave at all, it is left to individual employers to decide how much to offer. Because, you know, anything else would be COMMUNISM.

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What do you think? Should American women be entitled to compulsory maternity leave? Are American mothers overworked and overstressed trying to ‘have it all?’ Let us know what you think in the comments!

Scroll down to read what people had to say, as well as further insights from Sarah herself

 

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Speaking to Bored Panda, Sarah explained that she wrote the post out of frustration on a particularly rough day. “I had a really hard and long day working and the kids were tired and cranky and it was one of those days they everything just felt really hard,” she told us. “Some days I feel like everything is going well, I’m keeping everything going. Thursday was not like that. After the kids were in bed I sat down and wrote a very quick rant about life and society’s expectations for working moms. I did not plan on it taking off as it did!”

“The reaction has been amazing. It is so great to see that it resonates so loudly with so many people. It goes to show that I’m not alone in feeling like it is hard.”

Sarah was fortunate in that she received maternity leave for all of her 3 children. “My company is much better than most in the US and I am grateful for the time I had,” she said. “I can only imagine how hard it is for the parents who have much less time. However, as a whole, the US can do much better to support new parents.”

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“My husband is wonderful. He does more than half of the childcare and housework. But if the kids are sick, and the school has both of our phone numbers, they call me. The doctor also calls me to schedule their appointments. My husband gets a medal for taking the kids out in public.”

And what has she taken from her post and the reactions to it? “Instead of saying yes to absolutely everything, and being the one who handles and plans everything, I need to be mindful about priorities and not listen to societal pressure to have the perfect house/ body/ yard/ etc.”

 

 

 

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debbielynjonesdeb avatar
Debbie Lyn Jones (Deb)
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had five daughters, nursed four and worked up until the last one was born - and even then worked from a home office. Know what I learned? That as I take each step in my life - only I really know how the road beneath me feels... and I adjust or I don't adjust... but each step is still "my" decision. – It's great when friends give advice, but advice should never be confused with "expectations". Nope... mothering "my way" here. Good news is that all five grew up and are really amazing women. :)

dariab_1 avatar
Daria B
Community Member
4 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow! Congratulations! It must be tough. My mom also raised 5 of us while working as a middle school teacher, even through a war and a change of regimes. But did our home look perfect clean and all? Did she wear fancy schmency clothes every day with a perfect hairstyle? Did she have a healthy sleep schedule? Did she go to the gym regularly? Did she buy us all our eyes desired from TV? Did she go skiing every winter? I guess we all know the answer is a big fat "NO!". I agree with you. It's about choices, priorities and self-sacrifice. But here we are criticising a mindset that expects you to be the way that is even mathematically impossible, given the day time limit. Some of these are good advice, as you say, true, but I've seen it second hand so many times, not everyone's "advice" is not criticism, sadly. The key is, we all really need to be more considerate and think before opening our mouths. *shrug*

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nesakysiukurtaueiti avatar
MagicalUnicorn
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

correction : society for american working moms, other countries have 1-3 years paid leave.

rhodaguirreparras avatar
Pittsburgh rare
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Half of the things from the list are self-imposed obligations. You choose

tobinkernalphapuck avatar
AlphaPuck
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Very true... My mom raised 11 of us and she said there was no feeling of pressure. Yet my neighbor was a stay at home mom with 1 child and a nanny and a husband bringing home well over 6 figures and left him because she said it was too much pressure. I would say that social media plays a huge role. The whole point of social media is to connect and lots of people put their best foot forward for it to the point where others think thats the norm... ITS NOT.

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dreamwolf avatar
Dream Wolf
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I understand what this article is saying. But I don't think it's only American women who face stress and judgement all the time. (I am probably going to get flack for that comment) All mothers do, everyone is constantly judging others for what they do. Then there are people who cannot afford to give their children the life that they wish they could. They cannot afford to feed them or spend time with them (they work jobs back to back because they worry about their child's future.) The world is filled with issues, some bigger then the ones mentioned on the post. Some people feel trapped and they don't know what to do. If you have to date your spouse to keep them interested then there might be an issue. Having a child should be a two person thing, you both wanted to do this now commit to it. As long as you don't go out dressed inappropriately then I don't care. If your choices or actions start to harm your children or the world around you then I will speak up and tell you no. wear

ditafonteese avatar
Dita fon teese
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ok, everyones gonna hate me for this but here goes: if you decide to have a child you are going to struggle. fall behind. feel bad. change. etc etc, but look, that's what you signed up for (not only you, you significant other as well, so both of you). don't except society to be overly understanding. you two should get the f**k on with your life and deal with it. why do you expect to get so many perks because you had a baby? noone would give me 6-8 weeks paid leave if i was sick, wanted to travel, etc. having baby isnt a nessecity. if u want that, make sacrifices for it. these arent the ages when you are contributing to humanity by having a mini u run around. quite the opposite: ur adding to shortage to resources and overpopulating the planet. so suck it up and deal with your kid. no, i dont want your kid ruining my movie experinece. or plane trip. or a meal. i;m never gonna have them, because I UDNERSTAND, that having a kid means I SHOULD CARE FOR THAT KID, NOT THE SOCIETY.

gingeralegibson avatar
Ginger Gibson
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Seriously, who is this “society”? Why is she blaming the stress she caused herself on other people? It’s ultimately every person’s own choice to decide what is a priority in their life. No one can do everything to perfection. To say “i’m doing what’s expected of me and it’s everybody else’s fault that I suck at them” is plainly attention seeking and playing the victim. Take responsibility for your own decisions and stop blaming others and the “society”. You are part of the society. Why not lead by example and show other people how you made the necessary choices to actually lead a mentally healthy life that’s a positive influence on everybody around you?

mintyminameow avatar
Mewton’s Third Paw
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can think of an easy way to avoid some of these problems. The rest aren’t specific to moms or even women really. Also there are no rules about Pinterest houses or winged eyeliner. You’re doing that to yourself.

emory_ce avatar
Carol Emory
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I had my kid (only one) make up and fussing with my hair every morning went out the window. So did job opportunities since bosses in the business realm can't seem to look past all that and focus on talent and skills. I would love to have my own business to hire moms that just don't have the time and money to mess with sprucing every morning. Those bosses can't seem to realize that makeup and hairspray doesn't equal a well qualified applicant. Hard work and dedication does.

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emory_ce avatar
Carol Emory
Community Member
4 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

While I understand that there are single parents out there (my mother-in-law raised 3 boys on her own) I can't help but wonder, where are the husbands, the grandparents, the sisters and brothers that can help out with this? Many Native American cultures have both mom and dad working while the grandparents raise the grandkids. And as expensive as living on your own is these days..it might be time to start building homes where the in-laws and grandparents can live with their kids to help with some of this...even if it's chipping in for expenses to allow one of the parents to stay home...

gingeralegibson avatar
Ginger Gibson
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Way to play the victim. No one is forcing a woman to be perfect at both child rearing and having a successful career and all the stuff this woman complains about. It’s a choice everyone has to make in life to decide what to put as priority. Look to yourself and believe in yourself before point your fingers at other people or “society” to blame for why you can’t do everything “right” when in fact you are just an attention seeker who doesn’t want to take responsibility for the decisions you lack the courage to make.

brandonmarvel avatar
Brandon Marvel
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So does her spouse just sit and do nothing? I thought marriage was a compromise and built on helping each other out.

karenlee_1 avatar
Karen Lee
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's one's own decision, especially when that person knows about the gives and takes. As I see it, overpopulation is among key reasons for a lot of problems, globally. If people think adopting dogs and cats are a much better thing to do than buying one, perhaps adopting children, without going through some of the difficulties and unfairness mentioned, would be a better choice too.

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Si
Community Member
4 years ago

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Valerie Lessard
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

this is why i hardly ever judge mums, especially mums of new borns and its insane to expect them to come back to work so soon and even more so expect them to make time for all THAT. the most important things in her life should be herself and her family, f**k everything else.

crunchewy-watson avatar
CrunChewy McSandybutt
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

TL;DR - If you try to appeal to everyone's expectations, it's going to drive you mad.

dreamwolf avatar
Dream Wolf
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My thing is having issues so I can't comment properly. But, having a child is a full time job. It's tiering but rewarding. Who cares if you have to give up a vacation, at least your children are happy and healthy. Go play ball with them, take your dog out for a walk. (Also having a dog is huge commitment and I feel like it's just an object here. But that's an issue for another day) if you wanted the child you are going to have to accept the responsibilities that come with it. Children are not objects or play things that you just pop on a corner and parade around in front of your friends. Parenting is never going to be glamorous, so don't believe everything you see online.

ailbhemeiyueong avatar
monkeystikx avatar
Herb Eaversmells
Community Member
4 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Its called "life" sometimes its hard. I have yet to ever meet this society. We have small children, and never has anyone put pressure on me or my wife to have it all. Don't look to Pinterest or social media for parenting styles. Do you think someone is going to post a 2:00am poop clean up? Or do you maybe think people only shown the best parts online? Maybe we should all look on the bright side. Her children seem happy and healthy, for all its faults, the United States is still a great country to live in.

p_brux avatar
P.Brux FHell
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's cute. Try being a working single mom in Mexico, without a mommy-van, having to commute by bus and subway, spending 1-4 hours in traffic, with no child support and (hopefuly) a mom that will cut you some slack with taking care of the children, but giving you HELL for not having a partner, working too much, earning too few, dressing bad (and THAT'S why you don't have a partner)... No, I'm not a mom... but I know a-plenty of women in this situation.

si-michelson avatar
Si
Community Member
4 years ago

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miten sasmita
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And sadly the most judgmental are mostly fellow mothers. If you work, who takes care of the baby ? If you stay at home, why would you end your career ? Did you breastfeed, what do your babies eat, why are they short/skinny, do you make homecook meals everyday, etc etc... After dealing with my post partum depression, I simply don't give a f**k anymore. I know the best for my baby, my husband, my home, and mostly MY LIFE.

kjorn avatar
Kjorn
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

and Don't forget to ask the government to add another 24hr to the each day

gabrielafiala avatar
Gabriela Fiala
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thats why despite we are both doctors and could have better pay in germany, we stay in czech republic- in czech and slovakia, you have maternity leave up to 2-3years, with different pay monthly. Basically, you get 9 500$ for 1child and you deside, how you wanna stretch it (2-3years)- then state paid you monthly fee. If you have another child after two years, another 2-3years add...that why we stayed. Also, you can have some part time jobs, but you cant earn more than 400$ monthly, or you will lose the money from state.

pragyakumari avatar
pragya kumari
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have twins. Now they are 18 months old. My office job need 12 hours a day arleast but wfh facility is available. So, I handle my baby from 10 am morning to 9 pm night with laptop at table. From 9 pm to 12 pm, one baby on leg(I sit at my bed and then put one pillow on leg), second one in my lap and continous work on laptop. From 12 pm to 2 or 3 am, only laptop. 3 am to 10 am sleep with frequent disturbance as both keep waking up. But when my babies smile, I forgot all tiredness.

gerry1of1 avatar
Gerry Higgins
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh quit whining. You chose to have a baby so deal with it. Is it tough for the woman? YES. Is it tough for the father? YES. If you can't handle the responsibility get a cat instead.

thedanomyte avatar
danielw
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

but cat's make people unhappy. Get a dog! (yes. I'm still gloating over that survey.)

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viviane_katz avatar
Viviane Katz
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Someone complained that parents don't launch campaigns to save the planet for their children. "If I had kids, I would be--" Yes, of course, you would have time and energy left over from work and raising the kids and cleaning up and... I don't doubt there are things parents can do to help the planet (and other causes), but don't complain that they don't care if you haven't shown care about their own lives. My parents did get involved in a few causes, but only once all four children were in late elementary school or highschool.

ditafonteese avatar
Dita fon teese
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

well you know what's one way of helping a planet, all of us, the ''not parents'' do? dont have kids. There. My nonexistent kid wont compete against yours for collage, for resources, for a job. so maybe, now that we ourselves wont live long enough and we dont have kids to ''leave the planet to'' you all who created the future generation raise them in a way that teaches them how to care for enviroment. laundry and cooking isnt parenting

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anneflitton avatar
Anne Flitton
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm 17, and just reading this made me feel stressed, moms are superheroes!

kellyhorrigan avatar
Kelly Horrigan
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It hurt after the part where someone else is taking care of your baby....I hated that

si-michelson avatar
Si
Community Member
4 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

tomclarkshark avatar
James Johns
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe we should stop insulting women who want to be stay at home moms then too? Just a thought.

rebecahozuna avatar
Rebecah Ozuna
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just like social media; they expect people to have the same thoughts that other does, and if we don't match theirs, we're considered pariahs. As if by bashing us for being different will make us embrace their terms. Like a cult. People on BP, Pinterest, Deviantart are getting as bad as on Twitter and Instagram.

hurvo avatar
Peter Polansky
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Its 3 years for our women. And it restarts with every baby. With 3 kids and lucky timing yu can stay at home for 9 years and company still holds ypur job.

rachelrosky avatar
Ohio Hands
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That utter absurdity, its not your employer or the governments responsibility to subsidize someone having children. If I choose to remain childless, can I take a 3-year hiatus and still have a job waiting? If a person has children, its their sole responsibility to make it work, not society's.

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Jeff Requier
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Shes not using up vacation time, the job she has is salary. and so many days for sick leave and those are paid. and time off for family.

katiehayes_3 avatar
Katie Hayes
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ahahahah the mean comments are exactly what she's talking about you judging freak shows. You have no idea her marriage Dynamics, I didn't read one time her husband puts her down hits her or the kids cheats on her, didn't say anything about doing it all herself, do you know if he works one two or three jobs or if he travels for work... No she didn't say it at all she was stating the unrealistic expectations of a mom today in America mostly from wealthy, privilege people who look down on others who are supposed to have or be the same way.

dodsonmichelle avatar
Michelle Dodson
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So where are all the Dad's in this scenario? Dad's can take kids to the pediatrician, stay home with them when they're sick or attend parent/teacher conferences just as easily as Mom's can. I get really pissed that in this day & age a man's job is still considered more important. I made more money than my husband (and had a more "prestigious" position) but it was still expected that I would be the one to take time off to deal with anything kid related. Bull. F*****g. S**t.

chrisa_1 avatar
Chris A
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You mean making a life changing decision like bringing a child into the world makes live more difficult? I thought this would have been figured out sometime in the last 200,000 years.... I guess this is the first woman to struggle with the whole work life balance.

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Si
Community Member
4 years ago

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Chech Dasaus
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Any government that makes it hard for mothers to stay away home with their kids for at least 3 years is just evil.

rachelrosky avatar
Ohio Hands
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Its not the job of the government to make sure people have kids only when they are ready. That is absolute ridiculousness.

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Jen Zee
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have two children, 17 and 21. My husband and I both went to college. We made a pact with eachother that IF we were going to start a family, one of us would need to stay home with them, be there for them...raise them. What happened to the mentality of raising your own children? I see this time and time again. No one brings up the fact that you can't "have it all". Do you want a career? Then go after it. Do you want a family? Then you can't have a career. How is it fair to the child or children? They need a lot of your attention and time, and you simply can't give it to them racing them off to daycare for 10 hours a day, and picking them up after dinner time. Having a family is a HUGE commitment that YOU sign up for once you start. Putting the children in daycare is wrong, just so you can have a career? If you want a career, I am all for that, truly. But you can't have your cake and eat it too. Pick one. The family dynamic is getting lost. JMO.

kathrynfellis avatar
Katchen
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Jen Zee, in your scenario, you state that you can’t have a career and a family, yet one of the parents works? So, does that one working parent not have a career? Or does the family not belong to that parent? I’m confused.

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Bob Beltcher
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why is it every time I see one of these post they manage to bash their husbands some how. Even after stating she has a good husband that helps out she doesn't like it that he gets praise. I understand women do way more in childcare then men, but this will never change. The women gives birth and that creates a bind that father's will never get. So yes, women are expected to raise the child because they gave birth to it. That will never change. Be happy you have an involved husband and don't hate him for it or complain if he gets noticed for it.

kathrynfellis avatar
Katchen
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

“[W]omen do way more in childcare then men, but this will never change”: wrong. In countries with more egalitarian leave, both parents help more. See Iceland.

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Matt Atfield
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think mobies add to these expectations on society in a negative way. The mothers are always perfect looking, the kids are perfect, she has an amazing job and has it all together. Of course the husband is expected to go to work, be a jerk, play golf and watch sport and nothing else. My wife does an amazing job and I do my part as well. However society is always expecting more of her and less of me.

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Ozacoter
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is the main reaon why I dont have kids. Many studies in europe have shown that still in 2019 women do the mayority of hourse chores and planing, take a leading role in childcare, are punished by companies when looking for a job or a promotion and need to sacrifice their jobs and free time to have children. When I was working full time (and arriving home 3 hours after my boyfriend) I was still the only one planing the meals, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, training the dog, checking the vet.... I am not going to add 'be a mom' to all of that...

rachelrosky avatar
Ohio Hands
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Its all about finding the right partner who shares your values and goals. Good men and caring husbands/bfs share parental and household responsibilities. By all means, do not procreate with a man who would do anything less than share life's work!

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Dilly Millandry
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She is quoted as saying "My husband is wonderful. He does more than half of the childcare and housework. But if the kids are sick, and the school has both of our phone numbers, they call me. The doctor also calls me to schedule their appointments. My husband gets a medal for taking the kids out in public.” The school and doctors can be told which numbers to call first so I don't consider that a fair criticism and I doubt anyone thinks the husband should get a medal bar her.

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Dream Wolf
Community Member
4 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

dreamwolf avatar
Dream Wolf
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My phone glitched with this comment, it was complete gibberish and that's why it was deleted. There is no need to have a go at it.

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boredhuman
Community Member
4 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Stop complaining and make a list of things of first world problems. First of all, you choose to do all the things, no one force you to do all those things, and most important you let "society" do these things to you. Second of all, you are not the only one with a busy or difficult life. At least you have your health and a family. What about people that are long time ill or handicapped or has to take care of sick ones for a long time. Don't have self-pity and think of the people that are in a much worst situation. There are and think of them will make you feel better about your own life.

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Aria Whitaker
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So, that means you are never, ever allowed to complain again in your life about anything, boredhuman. You have access to a computer, and internet services so you can complain about people complaining. More than half the people in the world do not have that privilege. There will always be homeless, hungry and sick people...moreso than you, so according to your own "logic", YOU will never be in a position to be unhappy with anything in your life....I mean...someone, somewhere will certainly have it worse than you, right?

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Victoria Swift
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Believe crappy feminist lies, win crappy feminist prizes. There are PLENTY of educated women who are stay at home moms. I'm proud to be one.

kathrynfellis avatar
Katchen
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It’s a lie that feminism doesn’t support stay at home moms. There may be crappy feminists who don’t support SAHMs, but there are also Christian murderers and that doesn’t mean that Christianity is okay with murder.

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Chelsea Winters
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You could just not have kids if you can't handle the situation, or if you can't afford to stay home and raise it instead of paying someone else to do it. Don't make a choice and then complain about the results of your choice.

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Katchen
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Chelsea, “raise it instead of paying someone else to do it” is exactly the sort of “how dare you go back to work instead of being barefoot in the kitchen” comment that has caused this woman and many others stress and guilt. You complain that she chooses to complain about her own life choices, yet you choose to complain about her. Hmm.

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WaQaR IfTiKhAr
Community Member
4 years ago

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Thanks, It is very interesting article. I like of sharing information. Discuss the love and affectionate of the peoples for others specially mother to children. A lot of thanks to sharing this articles. Can Dogs Eat Raspberries

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Bored Moogle
Community Member
4 years ago

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Equality is equality. Men don't get paternal leave and even in the event of sickness or injury they are expected to back to work as soon as they recover.

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Ozacoter
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Men get paternity leave in many european countries thanks to feminists reivindications

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Debbie Lyn Jones (Deb)
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had five daughters, nursed four and worked up until the last one was born - and even then worked from a home office. Know what I learned? That as I take each step in my life - only I really know how the road beneath me feels... and I adjust or I don't adjust... but each step is still "my" decision. – It's great when friends give advice, but advice should never be confused with "expectations". Nope... mothering "my way" here. Good news is that all five grew up and are really amazing women. :)

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Daria B
Community Member
4 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow! Congratulations! It must be tough. My mom also raised 5 of us while working as a middle school teacher, even through a war and a change of regimes. But did our home look perfect clean and all? Did she wear fancy schmency clothes every day with a perfect hairstyle? Did she have a healthy sleep schedule? Did she go to the gym regularly? Did she buy us all our eyes desired from TV? Did she go skiing every winter? I guess we all know the answer is a big fat "NO!". I agree with you. It's about choices, priorities and self-sacrifice. But here we are criticising a mindset that expects you to be the way that is even mathematically impossible, given the day time limit. Some of these are good advice, as you say, true, but I've seen it second hand so many times, not everyone's "advice" is not criticism, sadly. The key is, we all really need to be more considerate and think before opening our mouths. *shrug*

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MagicalUnicorn
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

correction : society for american working moms, other countries have 1-3 years paid leave.

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Pittsburgh rare
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Half of the things from the list are self-imposed obligations. You choose

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AlphaPuck
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Very true... My mom raised 11 of us and she said there was no feeling of pressure. Yet my neighbor was a stay at home mom with 1 child and a nanny and a husband bringing home well over 6 figures and left him because she said it was too much pressure. I would say that social media plays a huge role. The whole point of social media is to connect and lots of people put their best foot forward for it to the point where others think thats the norm... ITS NOT.

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Dream Wolf
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I understand what this article is saying. But I don't think it's only American women who face stress and judgement all the time. (I am probably going to get flack for that comment) All mothers do, everyone is constantly judging others for what they do. Then there are people who cannot afford to give their children the life that they wish they could. They cannot afford to feed them or spend time with them (they work jobs back to back because they worry about their child's future.) The world is filled with issues, some bigger then the ones mentioned on the post. Some people feel trapped and they don't know what to do. If you have to date your spouse to keep them interested then there might be an issue. Having a child should be a two person thing, you both wanted to do this now commit to it. As long as you don't go out dressed inappropriately then I don't care. If your choices or actions start to harm your children or the world around you then I will speak up and tell you no. wear

ditafonteese avatar
Dita fon teese
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ok, everyones gonna hate me for this but here goes: if you decide to have a child you are going to struggle. fall behind. feel bad. change. etc etc, but look, that's what you signed up for (not only you, you significant other as well, so both of you). don't except society to be overly understanding. you two should get the f**k on with your life and deal with it. why do you expect to get so many perks because you had a baby? noone would give me 6-8 weeks paid leave if i was sick, wanted to travel, etc. having baby isnt a nessecity. if u want that, make sacrifices for it. these arent the ages when you are contributing to humanity by having a mini u run around. quite the opposite: ur adding to shortage to resources and overpopulating the planet. so suck it up and deal with your kid. no, i dont want your kid ruining my movie experinece. or plane trip. or a meal. i;m never gonna have them, because I UDNERSTAND, that having a kid means I SHOULD CARE FOR THAT KID, NOT THE SOCIETY.

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Ginger Gibson
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Seriously, who is this “society”? Why is she blaming the stress she caused herself on other people? It’s ultimately every person’s own choice to decide what is a priority in their life. No one can do everything to perfection. To say “i’m doing what’s expected of me and it’s everybody else’s fault that I suck at them” is plainly attention seeking and playing the victim. Take responsibility for your own decisions and stop blaming others and the “society”. You are part of the society. Why not lead by example and show other people how you made the necessary choices to actually lead a mentally healthy life that’s a positive influence on everybody around you?

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Mewton’s Third Paw
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can think of an easy way to avoid some of these problems. The rest aren’t specific to moms or even women really. Also there are no rules about Pinterest houses or winged eyeliner. You’re doing that to yourself.

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Carol Emory
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I had my kid (only one) make up and fussing with my hair every morning went out the window. So did job opportunities since bosses in the business realm can't seem to look past all that and focus on talent and skills. I would love to have my own business to hire moms that just don't have the time and money to mess with sprucing every morning. Those bosses can't seem to realize that makeup and hairspray doesn't equal a well qualified applicant. Hard work and dedication does.

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Carol Emory
Community Member
4 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

While I understand that there are single parents out there (my mother-in-law raised 3 boys on her own) I can't help but wonder, where are the husbands, the grandparents, the sisters and brothers that can help out with this? Many Native American cultures have both mom and dad working while the grandparents raise the grandkids. And as expensive as living on your own is these days..it might be time to start building homes where the in-laws and grandparents can live with their kids to help with some of this...even if it's chipping in for expenses to allow one of the parents to stay home...

gingeralegibson avatar
Ginger Gibson
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Way to play the victim. No one is forcing a woman to be perfect at both child rearing and having a successful career and all the stuff this woman complains about. It’s a choice everyone has to make in life to decide what to put as priority. Look to yourself and believe in yourself before point your fingers at other people or “society” to blame for why you can’t do everything “right” when in fact you are just an attention seeker who doesn’t want to take responsibility for the decisions you lack the courage to make.

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Brandon Marvel
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So does her spouse just sit and do nothing? I thought marriage was a compromise and built on helping each other out.

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Karen Lee
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's one's own decision, especially when that person knows about the gives and takes. As I see it, overpopulation is among key reasons for a lot of problems, globally. If people think adopting dogs and cats are a much better thing to do than buying one, perhaps adopting children, without going through some of the difficulties and unfairness mentioned, would be a better choice too.

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Si
Community Member
4 years ago

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Valerie Lessard
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

this is why i hardly ever judge mums, especially mums of new borns and its insane to expect them to come back to work so soon and even more so expect them to make time for all THAT. the most important things in her life should be herself and her family, f**k everything else.

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CrunChewy McSandybutt
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

TL;DR - If you try to appeal to everyone's expectations, it's going to drive you mad.

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Dream Wolf
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My thing is having issues so I can't comment properly. But, having a child is a full time job. It's tiering but rewarding. Who cares if you have to give up a vacation, at least your children are happy and healthy. Go play ball with them, take your dog out for a walk. (Also having a dog is huge commitment and I feel like it's just an object here. But that's an issue for another day) if you wanted the child you are going to have to accept the responsibilities that come with it. Children are not objects or play things that you just pop on a corner and parade around in front of your friends. Parenting is never going to be glamorous, so don't believe everything you see online.

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Herb Eaversmells
Community Member
4 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Its called "life" sometimes its hard. I have yet to ever meet this society. We have small children, and never has anyone put pressure on me or my wife to have it all. Don't look to Pinterest or social media for parenting styles. Do you think someone is going to post a 2:00am poop clean up? Or do you maybe think people only shown the best parts online? Maybe we should all look on the bright side. Her children seem happy and healthy, for all its faults, the United States is still a great country to live in.

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P.Brux FHell
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's cute. Try being a working single mom in Mexico, without a mommy-van, having to commute by bus and subway, spending 1-4 hours in traffic, with no child support and (hopefuly) a mom that will cut you some slack with taking care of the children, but giving you HELL for not having a partner, working too much, earning too few, dressing bad (and THAT'S why you don't have a partner)... No, I'm not a mom... but I know a-plenty of women in this situation.

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Si
Community Member
4 years ago

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miten sasmita
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And sadly the most judgmental are mostly fellow mothers. If you work, who takes care of the baby ? If you stay at home, why would you end your career ? Did you breastfeed, what do your babies eat, why are they short/skinny, do you make homecook meals everyday, etc etc... After dealing with my post partum depression, I simply don't give a f**k anymore. I know the best for my baby, my husband, my home, and mostly MY LIFE.

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Kjorn
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

and Don't forget to ask the government to add another 24hr to the each day

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Gabriela Fiala
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thats why despite we are both doctors and could have better pay in germany, we stay in czech republic- in czech and slovakia, you have maternity leave up to 2-3years, with different pay monthly. Basically, you get 9 500$ for 1child and you deside, how you wanna stretch it (2-3years)- then state paid you monthly fee. If you have another child after two years, another 2-3years add...that why we stayed. Also, you can have some part time jobs, but you cant earn more than 400$ monthly, or you will lose the money from state.

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pragya kumari
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have twins. Now they are 18 months old. My office job need 12 hours a day arleast but wfh facility is available. So, I handle my baby from 10 am morning to 9 pm night with laptop at table. From 9 pm to 12 pm, one baby on leg(I sit at my bed and then put one pillow on leg), second one in my lap and continous work on laptop. From 12 pm to 2 or 3 am, only laptop. 3 am to 10 am sleep with frequent disturbance as both keep waking up. But when my babies smile, I forgot all tiredness.

gerry1of1 avatar
Gerry Higgins
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh quit whining. You chose to have a baby so deal with it. Is it tough for the woman? YES. Is it tough for the father? YES. If you can't handle the responsibility get a cat instead.

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danielw
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

but cat's make people unhappy. Get a dog! (yes. I'm still gloating over that survey.)

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Viviane Katz
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Someone complained that parents don't launch campaigns to save the planet for their children. "If I had kids, I would be--" Yes, of course, you would have time and energy left over from work and raising the kids and cleaning up and... I don't doubt there are things parents can do to help the planet (and other causes), but don't complain that they don't care if you haven't shown care about their own lives. My parents did get involved in a few causes, but only once all four children were in late elementary school or highschool.

ditafonteese avatar
Dita fon teese
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

well you know what's one way of helping a planet, all of us, the ''not parents'' do? dont have kids. There. My nonexistent kid wont compete against yours for collage, for resources, for a job. so maybe, now that we ourselves wont live long enough and we dont have kids to ''leave the planet to'' you all who created the future generation raise them in a way that teaches them how to care for enviroment. laundry and cooking isnt parenting

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Anne Flitton
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm 17, and just reading this made me feel stressed, moms are superheroes!

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Kelly Horrigan
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It hurt after the part where someone else is taking care of your baby....I hated that

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Si
Community Member
4 years ago

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James Johns
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe we should stop insulting women who want to be stay at home moms then too? Just a thought.

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Rebecah Ozuna
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just like social media; they expect people to have the same thoughts that other does, and if we don't match theirs, we're considered pariahs. As if by bashing us for being different will make us embrace their terms. Like a cult. People on BP, Pinterest, Deviantart are getting as bad as on Twitter and Instagram.

hurvo avatar
Peter Polansky
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Its 3 years for our women. And it restarts with every baby. With 3 kids and lucky timing yu can stay at home for 9 years and company still holds ypur job.

rachelrosky avatar
Ohio Hands
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That utter absurdity, its not your employer or the governments responsibility to subsidize someone having children. If I choose to remain childless, can I take a 3-year hiatus and still have a job waiting? If a person has children, its their sole responsibility to make it work, not society's.

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Jeff Requier
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Shes not using up vacation time, the job she has is salary. and so many days for sick leave and those are paid. and time off for family.

katiehayes_3 avatar
Katie Hayes
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ahahahah the mean comments are exactly what she's talking about you judging freak shows. You have no idea her marriage Dynamics, I didn't read one time her husband puts her down hits her or the kids cheats on her, didn't say anything about doing it all herself, do you know if he works one two or three jobs or if he travels for work... No she didn't say it at all she was stating the unrealistic expectations of a mom today in America mostly from wealthy, privilege people who look down on others who are supposed to have or be the same way.

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Michelle Dodson
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So where are all the Dad's in this scenario? Dad's can take kids to the pediatrician, stay home with them when they're sick or attend parent/teacher conferences just as easily as Mom's can. I get really pissed that in this day & age a man's job is still considered more important. I made more money than my husband (and had a more "prestigious" position) but it was still expected that I would be the one to take time off to deal with anything kid related. Bull. F*****g. S**t.

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Chris A
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You mean making a life changing decision like bringing a child into the world makes live more difficult? I thought this would have been figured out sometime in the last 200,000 years.... I guess this is the first woman to struggle with the whole work life balance.

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Si
Community Member
4 years ago

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Chech Dasaus
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Any government that makes it hard for mothers to stay away home with their kids for at least 3 years is just evil.

rachelrosky avatar
Ohio Hands
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Its not the job of the government to make sure people have kids only when they are ready. That is absolute ridiculousness.

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Jen Zee
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have two children, 17 and 21. My husband and I both went to college. We made a pact with eachother that IF we were going to start a family, one of us would need to stay home with them, be there for them...raise them. What happened to the mentality of raising your own children? I see this time and time again. No one brings up the fact that you can't "have it all". Do you want a career? Then go after it. Do you want a family? Then you can't have a career. How is it fair to the child or children? They need a lot of your attention and time, and you simply can't give it to them racing them off to daycare for 10 hours a day, and picking them up after dinner time. Having a family is a HUGE commitment that YOU sign up for once you start. Putting the children in daycare is wrong, just so you can have a career? If you want a career, I am all for that, truly. But you can't have your cake and eat it too. Pick one. The family dynamic is getting lost. JMO.

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Katchen
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Jen Zee, in your scenario, you state that you can’t have a career and a family, yet one of the parents works? So, does that one working parent not have a career? Or does the family not belong to that parent? I’m confused.

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Bob Beltcher
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why is it every time I see one of these post they manage to bash their husbands some how. Even after stating she has a good husband that helps out she doesn't like it that he gets praise. I understand women do way more in childcare then men, but this will never change. The women gives birth and that creates a bind that father's will never get. So yes, women are expected to raise the child because they gave birth to it. That will never change. Be happy you have an involved husband and don't hate him for it or complain if he gets noticed for it.

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Katchen
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

“[W]omen do way more in childcare then men, but this will never change”: wrong. In countries with more egalitarian leave, both parents help more. See Iceland.

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Matt Atfield
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think mobies add to these expectations on society in a negative way. The mothers are always perfect looking, the kids are perfect, she has an amazing job and has it all together. Of course the husband is expected to go to work, be a jerk, play golf and watch sport and nothing else. My wife does an amazing job and I do my part as well. However society is always expecting more of her and less of me.

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Ozacoter
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is the main reaon why I dont have kids. Many studies in europe have shown that still in 2019 women do the mayority of hourse chores and planing, take a leading role in childcare, are punished by companies when looking for a job or a promotion and need to sacrifice their jobs and free time to have children. When I was working full time (and arriving home 3 hours after my boyfriend) I was still the only one planing the meals, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, training the dog, checking the vet.... I am not going to add 'be a mom' to all of that...

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Ohio Hands
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Its all about finding the right partner who shares your values and goals. Good men and caring husbands/bfs share parental and household responsibilities. By all means, do not procreate with a man who would do anything less than share life's work!

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Dilly Millandry
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She is quoted as saying "My husband is wonderful. He does more than half of the childcare and housework. But if the kids are sick, and the school has both of our phone numbers, they call me. The doctor also calls me to schedule their appointments. My husband gets a medal for taking the kids out in public.” The school and doctors can be told which numbers to call first so I don't consider that a fair criticism and I doubt anyone thinks the husband should get a medal bar her.

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Dream Wolf
Community Member
4 years ago

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Dream Wolf
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My phone glitched with this comment, it was complete gibberish and that's why it was deleted. There is no need to have a go at it.

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boredhuman
Community Member
4 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Stop complaining and make a list of things of first world problems. First of all, you choose to do all the things, no one force you to do all those things, and most important you let "society" do these things to you. Second of all, you are not the only one with a busy or difficult life. At least you have your health and a family. What about people that are long time ill or handicapped or has to take care of sick ones for a long time. Don't have self-pity and think of the people that are in a much worst situation. There are and think of them will make you feel better about your own life.

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Aria Whitaker
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So, that means you are never, ever allowed to complain again in your life about anything, boredhuman. You have access to a computer, and internet services so you can complain about people complaining. More than half the people in the world do not have that privilege. There will always be homeless, hungry and sick people...moreso than you, so according to your own "logic", YOU will never be in a position to be unhappy with anything in your life....I mean...someone, somewhere will certainly have it worse than you, right?

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Victoria Swift
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Believe crappy feminist lies, win crappy feminist prizes. There are PLENTY of educated women who are stay at home moms. I'm proud to be one.

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Katchen
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It’s a lie that feminism doesn’t support stay at home moms. There may be crappy feminists who don’t support SAHMs, but there are also Christian murderers and that doesn’t mean that Christianity is okay with murder.

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Chelsea Winters
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You could just not have kids if you can't handle the situation, or if you can't afford to stay home and raise it instead of paying someone else to do it. Don't make a choice and then complain about the results of your choice.

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Katchen
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Chelsea, “raise it instead of paying someone else to do it” is exactly the sort of “how dare you go back to work instead of being barefoot in the kitchen” comment that has caused this woman and many others stress and guilt. You complain that she chooses to complain about her own life choices, yet you choose to complain about her. Hmm.

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WaQaR IfTiKhAr
Community Member
4 years ago

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Thanks, It is very interesting article. I like of sharing information. Discuss the love and affectionate of the peoples for others specially mother to children. A lot of thanks to sharing this articles. Can Dogs Eat Raspberries

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Bored Moogle
Community Member
4 years ago

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Equality is equality. Men don't get paternal leave and even in the event of sickness or injury they are expected to back to work as soon as they recover.

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Ozacoter
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Men get paternity leave in many european countries thanks to feminists reivindications

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