26 Y.O. Woman Reports Her Coworker To HR For Creating “An Overly Hostile Work Environment,” Folks Online Call Her The Jerk
How many of us have found ourselves ready to take on the world during or before finishing our degree? Putting that extra effort into building the career of our dreams, working for a better future? Having that charisma and positive energy to change things is great, but what happens when it all becomes just a little bit too much? When you are considered to be too much? Reddit user u/DueEstablishment8602 decided to share her work-related story that had a surprising turn and received some unexpected reactions from other community members online. The 26-year-old woman had just finished her master’s studies and started a new job, together with her coworker, 27-year-old Thea, who the original poster found very inspiring with the things she has accomplished in the workplace. Little did the woman know that her admiration and wish to keep up with her coworker’s agenda would backfire.
More Info: Reddit
Having a nice and inspiring working environment is one of the top priorities when coming to a new job as we tend to spend quite some time in the office
Image credits: Kristina D.C. Hoeppner (not an actual photo)
The Reddit user shared that she started her job right after graduating from her master’s, later revealing that it wasn’t her first job, as she used to work part-time when she was still studying, but this workplace was of great importance for her because it was her first full-time job after she completed her education. 2 months prior to her taking this job position, her workplace had hired Thea, who is still in graduate school. The original poster revealed that she admired Thea for for her efficiency and the way she could handle school and important work projects.
This Reddit user decided to share her story of having to report her coworker to HR after she became unfriendly and started avoiding her
Image credits: u/DueEstablishment8602
The whole debacle started when the author of the post decided to ask her coworker Thea if she could add her to one of the on-going projects and it made Thea upset
Image credits: u/DueEstablishment8602
Because of this reason, she decided it would be a good idea to join the projects that Thea works with, so she could learn from her. At first, the new coworker agreed with this idea, and soon it was clear that the young woman follows a very strict schedule to get things done. However, the storyteller revealed that she had trouble with following these deadlines and preparing tasks on time. What Thea did in this situation was to give different deadlines to her coworker, so she would still have time to prepare everything that needed to be done and be on time, asking the woman to be faster next time.
After this encounter, the relationship of the two colleagues changed drastically to the point where the author of the story had to talk to HR
Image credits: u/DueEstablishment8602
OP didn’t expect the situation to turn out the way it did as the boss asked her to leave Thea alone and dismissed her from all of the projects that they had together
Image credits: u/DueEstablishment8602
The Reddit user continued with the story by sharing that one day, she noticed a big whiteboard at Thea’s desk that had all the tasks and deadlines of a certain project. The woman became so curious to the point where she asked if she could join the group for this project, but was shut down by Thea, stating that “not everything with my name needs you involved.” After this, the original poster noticed that her coworker that she looked up to started avoiding her and became hard to work with. She stopped being so attentive and providing help with necessary documents, and provided different deadlines.
Soon enough, the woman shared some extra information as people online became very interested in the whole situation
Image credits: Bernard Goldbach (not an actual photo)
Image credits: u/DueEstablishment8602
After noticing this, the original poster shared what happened next that made her re-think her decision and ask people online whether she was actually in the wrong. The woman came to HR and reported her coworker for being mean and unhelpful. She even claimed to gather some evidence to back up her claims. What she didn’t expect was the way her company handled this situation. The employee shared that the boss asked her to leave Thea alone and dismissed her from all of the projects that they had together. She also revealed that Thea was moved to another part of the office and that employees in higher positions are trying their best to keep her from leaving the company.
Image credits: u/DueEstablishment8602
This is where the original poster asked members online if she did the wrong thing, even though all she wanted was to stand up for herself. The reactions that she got from other users were quite different from what she thought they were going to be. A lot of them stated that the woman was in the wrong as she was clearing overstepping her boundaries. The commentators didn’t sugarcoat anything, and most of them believed that the author of the post was being problematic and probably slowed down her coworker and made her work extra. The woman added a few more details that people were curious about, starting from the question of whether her coworker was higher in ranking than her, but she was open that both of them had the same title but were on different levels. The author also added what kind of evidence she had before accusing her colleague of hostility. She claimed that the woman didn’t provide her with necessary documents, as well as assigned her different deadlines. However, this wasn’t seen as sufficient evidence, because the company’s seniors were aware about her methods and didn’t see any problems with the way she works.
What do you think about this situation? Don’t forget to leave your thoughts in the comments down below!
Image credits: Cloud Planner
Users online didn’t sugarcoat and found the original poster to be a jerk for reporting her coworker and making her job so much harder
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One of the comments said they were annoyed with her just reading the story, and I couldn't agree more. This woman has no clue how to handle herself in a workplace.
It really was a bit painful to read. I am fairly sure, though, it is not a mistake the poster will do again. I really liek some of the comments, especially the one with 'she was not difficult to work with, she just refused to coach you' Very well put.
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Geez, even the "clarifying" edits were bad. If you're in a deadline-driven environment, you put in the work to keep up, end of story. The work environment does not adjust to you, you adjust to the environment, or you look for another job. And from the sound of it it seems like OP fully has the capability to keep up, she's just... not for whatever reason. If Thea had to put in a system where even if OP submitted late she was still on time, then imo she was capable of meeting the original deadline anyway.
Having a tighter deadline that necessary possibly caused OP added stress, but it sounds like OP is poor at time management, and imo that explains why she had to be given adjusted deadlines, in order to get her to crack on and complete by the original deadline. The thing I don't get, OP says she is not used to working to such deadlines...but she's just finished her masters. Surely a masters degree these days involves working to deadlines?
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I second the go read Ask A Manager website before you go off on one recommendation. There’s a great letter of ‘I was fired for taking initiative’ where the letter writer basically complained that they hadn’t been allowed to do the projects *she* wanted to do. And she acted just like this AITA poster. And got torn to bits in the comments.
Yeah, AAM is awesome. Whatever the workplace issue, between Alison and the community in the comments you can find the best solution
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The OP sounds like an entitled spoiled brat! Sorry lady, but the rest of the world does not think you are special just because your parents told you this from day 1. And to go to HR?! Man l don't blame Thea for being pissed. OP needs to start looking for another job....if l were her manager l'd def get rid of her. At 26 with a Masters she should know how to do this job and meet deadlines. And to write that she can't meet them, and then blame Thea for that?! And to then ask to be on more projects when she's already failing at the one's she already on? Outrageous! Clearly she's been coddled all her life and expected the same in the workplace.
It sounds to me like she's still expecting it to work like university, where everyone is accommodating and where there are ready mentors to tell you how to do everything. She isn't ready to work without training wheels.
In that case, she should have looked for an internship, to see how to act accordingly in her field, especially.
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we say at my workplace, "i don't have time to babysit" and it sounds like that's exactly how Thea felt.
When I was 26 I had two jobs. One I was waaaayyyy over my head, the other I was great at. At both, the culture was much different from the other. I got fired from one, and one worked hard to make sure I had a job to come back to when I had to leave for personal reasons. No one fits everywhere, and it seems like OP just didn't fit where she was at ALL. Some places are more collaborative while others encourage individual achievement. Neither is bad, she just seems to need a new job (if she can find one, it's rough out there regardless of location it seems)
At 26 i was working 5-6 days a week and going to college 4 days a week. Sure you can see by this point i had work n school days overlap n had virtually no free days to mentally unwind or do HW/study. But i had to make it work. Study at work any second i could. Stay up late to do HW stuff like that.
Load More Replies... My favorite is this person went to the internet to ask if she was the A because she was HOPING to be told she was NOT the A. That's a dumb move. If you are going to the internet in hopes of getting a pat on the back you are in for a let-down. Try to not be so thirsty that you need the internet to support the feels.
Reddit is a different kind of place. I would wager most of the time people there would say that the poster is not the a-hole, mostly because Reddit is a little bit of an echo chamber and most likely to agree with users who are more likely in their psychographic, and most of these situations I see involve people obviously being gaslit or treated unfairly. In this situation, however, the poster was just so overwhelmingly clearly in the wrong, and so completely oblivious to that fact (to the point that I would say she has some sort of mental health issue) that she made the unfortunate mistake of posting this online, only for everyone to tell her what an a-hole she was being. Honestly, I think they even let her off easy.
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She "didn't expect" the vast majority of people to say YTA? She's even more deluded than I thought. Hun, that is NOT what HR is for. Absolutely YTA.
My takeaway from this is you stuck to her like glue and eventually pissed them off with a "take me with you, take me with you, take me with you~" type of clinginess in your work. They're right, not everything she does needs you glued to her hip to do it, back off because you're kinda being the a*s here by crowding her and then reporting her to HR when she finally can't take it anymore. It's like putting your face infront of a dog while it's eating everyday and then saying you'll have to put it down when it finally bites you, geez.. Also, don't ask if you don't want to hear that YTA. All these 'corrections' just make you look like you wanted justification only and we're not your friends here, we're indifferent readers who, based on the presented facts, lol, are going to call you an a*s or not.
Her: Great worker, takes on hardest tasks, beats deadlines////// You: missing deadlines, don't know where to find things, can't work under slightly uncomfortable situations, whines to HR over non-issues/////// Clearly the company values her very much, so by reporting her, you're just asking them to find an excuse to fire you.
Ok...time for me to be the AH. First, her co-worker was telling her "move faster" next time, implying she was ok with her "tagging along" on these projects. She could have straight up said, "Look, I understand you want to help/learn, etc but maybe you should gain more experience and then try again ". Second, she didn't have to snap at her about it, either. She should have been more clear about the situation in the first place. A new employee most likely wants to learn and do their best. Many times, the best place to learn is from someone who is doing the same job, just has more experience. Again, this is where the co-worker should have said something in advance. My only issue is that OP could have handled better by addressing her concerns with the co-worker instead of running to HR.
Thea was just as inexperienced as the OP. I'm willing to give her a pass on being stressed (she's busting her a*s to impress her bosses~~and it's WORKING) and frustrated on having made the mistake of taking on an anchor.
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YTA Both employees had basically same seniority, same title, one still in school the other has finished degree. I would have expected the one with degree to be mentor not the other way around. It's hard enough to learn a new job let alone have it complicated with someone else constantly asking questions that most times could be answered with simple observation. I've to often been the Thea where Im trying to figure something out only to have someone break my train of thought when they couldn't follow what was to me logical steps. Thea was not excessively rude or impatient in her response was more pushed past subtle patient responses.
They both are degreed. The victim was just getting her post grad degree while working full-time. I applaud her and hope she doesn't burn herself out like I did when I was a student.
Load More Replies... Good lord...you are a pain in the derriere. First of all, running to HR because of a hostile environment was overkill and not factual. What u did was a power play and it backfired. You felt entitled and you arent. If I were you, I would be looking 4 another job where u can use your newly acquired maturity, humility. You caused a lot of problems in this office and created a toxic environment.
The part that astounds me is that she took time to gather evidence...time in which she should have used to become more efficient at managing her deadlines....so her actions validated the coworkers feelings towards her....perhaps this is not the best career path for the OP...
Oh, good point! I didn't think about that, but you're totally right. Instead of using her time for the job and focusing on her own projects and improvement, she collected evidence and thought of a way to get the coworker in trouble.
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So..because she wouldn't kiss your a*s and take time to teach your slow a*s...SHE is the bad guy? YOU glommed onto her and leeched her and COULD NOT KEEP UP and don't have the sense to figure out how to work, like a grown up...pushed her until she lost her patience and you think SHE needed to be reported? You can't do the job and SHE is the bad guy..... you need a kick in the a*s.
Get out the way you silly little thing! Lol she may have known her in school, but since has obviously found her perfect niche.. and the o.p. demands she be included , even though she can't keep up!? Sorry girl, but either work at being a valuable member of her team, *on your own time, she owes you nothing, or find another job.. just leave her to do the mighty fine job is doing! Simple! Jeez!
This person probably ruined her future at this company tbh and it's going to be super uncomfortable for her now and impossible to advance BC of what she did. She should cut her losses and make a fresh start elsewhere, taking people's feedback here as advice for how not handle things
I don't like saying YTA, but OP has a lot to learn about not clinging and then reporting a hostile environment. It would be different if Thea had been assigned as a mentor or offered to take OP under her wing because she wanted to.
Better start looking for a new job. You are now THAT person at work, the one everyone avoids talking to, the one that no one wants to work with. Why should they? If they don't say the right things or treat you like a princess they get reported to HR. I can't believe you have a Master's if you can't do basic research to find the answers you need.
I saw this story on the Newsweek website two or three weeks ago and can understand why Thea got tired of her coworker’s behavior. I could not imagine doing this to somebody who offered to mentor me graciously. There comes a point when one should be able to conduct himself or herself as independently as possible in a given workplace unless their job requires them to be completely dependent on others’ scheduling, job requests, etc. I hope the OP learned a lesson about boundaries and conducting herself with greater professionalism in the workplace.
Is this the same story about the "clingy" co-worker? The other side lol
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It sounds as if the OP misunderstood the meaning of "hostile work environment". That would refer to mistreatment based on race, sex etc. Not liking a coworker isn't it. This was definitely not a matter for HR.
And...bosses want quiet. I'm a boss. I know. She might as well start looking for a new job.
I don't know if i understood the Post entirely correct So i will not judge her. But what i understood is, that she is just started working. Some people mentioned she should Look for a New job/could be fired soon... How should she learn if nobody tells her how to behave (sorry, maybe not the right Word) at work? Are bosses expecting their New employees to know exactly what to do and so? I think that is unfair and not very realistic because every workplace is different although the job may be the same. One Boss once literally told me, He expect me to no more Do mistakes right the second after my Training is over....
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I just started a job last week and got assigned to a department. It would be like me going to someone who's also relatively new but in a new department and asking them if I can take part in their tasks without permission of someone in authority, then going to the manager to complain when declined and given added pressure on quotas. Absolutely unfathomable. It's like the OP has never had a job before.
Agree YTA. Thea seems to have a system n the OP was trying to get in on it which messed her system up. I get admiring a persons skills but trying to cling onto it isnt a way to show it. Better method would be how they started out initally. Give praise to how they can handle what would be a stuggle to others. Ask if there is any advice they can give so OP can inprove themselves. Ask OCCASIONALLY if they can join in on tasks to learn better not EVERY task. I know from experience dont mess with ppls flow or system. If you are interested in it juat ask "how do you do it" "do you have advice that might help me do better"
I worked in 2 jobs that required I learn the specific didactics of each workplace & be a self-governing part of a team. YTA for expecting co-workers to breastfeed you while seein to their own jobs. It's YOUR responsibility to know the basics o' projects & be self-governing. You shouldn't be paid when another coworker is essentially doing your job- time to grow up.
She's lucky Thea didn't track her bad performance to report to HR. I hate it when people run to a boss or manager whining rather than speaking directly to the person that's taking up space in their head. Her curiosity belongs in kindergarten not a post grad job.
I work in a kitchen. If people are slow doing there work it creates a hostile work environment. On the flipside. Just because you're fast doesn't mean you're good. Also Thea was probably just being nice at first, but then when op was slow and therefore not up to standards it was probably irritating. Also op sounds like a nosy person. Mind your business and do your work.
She didn't win anyone over with her side of things. This is what happens when you're young and highly educated, but lack any sort of real workplace experience. Even on the best of collaborative teams, people are still individuals competing for advancement. The coworker helped more than needed, then became an involuntary big sister/babysitter to someone in the same role. Yeah, no thanks! This isn't a high school ice cream shop job, and you're not going to be buddies with most of your coworkers/competition. Then going to HR for getting on someone's last nerve when you don't understand how a grown up workplace operates, and don't see obvious cues that you've worn out your welcome? Might want to move on from that job, since you've dug your own grave with several levels of staff.
You're both there to do a job so do yours and don't be such a baby. This is your first job and if Thea's unwillingness to mentor you made you go to HR, you're going to be learning a lot of lessons the hard way.
Thea works super hard at her job. I'm sure she also works hard in graduate school, and we don't even know anything about her home life stresses and responsibilities. To be honest, OP was probably driving Thea to a nervous breakdown. I'm sure after being REPORTED, Thea probably broke down and threatened to walk if someone didn't stop OP from making her work life miserable. Now I don't think OP was being an intentional A-hole, but she did come across to me as insecure, immature, self-centered and oblivious to other people's perspectives and feelings. She should just try improving her skills by watching people like Thea, but trying to stay out of their way until she's a little less green. She's essentially trying to jump into the deep end of the pool, before she even knows how to dog paddle.
This lady may have a degree, but it looks like she has a lot to learn in the School of Hard Knocks. Hopefully this will be a wakeup call for her to learn some humility and realize that no one owes her anything. If she wants to be a part of team she has to earn that spot by her hard work.
OP proves herself to be overly idealistic and very nieve as how projects get done as well as how management functions
I was in Human Resources for 18-1/2 years. A large part of my time was spent with disgruntled employees. The first questions I would ask them were “have you had a conversation with person” then “have you spoken to your supervisor about this”.
Since when is it ok to snitch? These little phrases like "advocate for myself" mean "telling", don't they? I found this unbelievable, but I see it everywhere: reporting people to Facebook ot Twitter, deliberately trying to get a mob, if possible, This is called "sneaking", 'tale-bearing', 'grassing'…or it used to be and should be held in contempt. Amazing, I feel for Thea, this slow, useless, whining, clingy brat with zero self-awareness spoiling her workdays.
ESH, if the account of what happened is mostly accurate. OP should have taken the hint, and it probably wasn't the first hint. The lady she was following so closely should have handled it with more grace, however. It sounds like she tried to make OP dislike her to get her out of her hair. And then OP probably should have spoken to anybody but HR about it.
Entitled, young, and dumb. Both were assholes, but the one who was reported~~her only mistake was not telling OP in very firm terms *why* OP needed to acquire a clue in the first place. If you can't figure out how to find a paper in an organized filing system, then perhaps you need more education and a boot up the rump.
I hope Thea writes her side of the story. I can imagine she’d be asking she if was wrong to snap at the slow, entitled Karen coworker. It’s like we’re getting Karen’s point of view this time.
YTA. You need hand holding and spoon feeding. Your coworker realized that you simply aren't competent and your lack of commitment to the project by not keeping to the timeline was affecting her personally since it was her project. So after giving you many chances and you couldn't seem to "get it" she kicked you off the project. Then you went whining to your mommy aka HR. Fortunately the folks at HR realized what was happening. Yeah YTA. And now you have the label at work. Good luck with that.
So, you basically made a complete pest of yourself and annoyed her into snapping at you, so YOU reported HER. Wow. You have some serious entitlement issues. I wouldn't want to work with you either.
Lol! Yeah, gonna agree with most here that the OP was YTA guilty! When OP stated they went straight to HR, I mentally shook my head. Sounds like they didn't even attempt to do the adult thing and have a candid talk with Thea to try and straighten things out on their own. For these types of situations, HR should be after one has tried everything else or if it was an extreme case of harrassment/assault. Otherwise you just look a whiner. I don't blame Thea for avoiding OP.
I think this would be an indication to me that this kind of work with this pace, was not one I was equipped to handle. Instead of looking at either accepting that or fixing it, she went off to collect evidence. She can collect evidence but cannot find her work in folders, already laid out for her. What a waste of energy. People need to realize some people are able to think faster or not be bothered by the noise and get stuff done with surgical precision. If you cannot look at this as your fault and find some way to stop looking for evidence this is someone else's fault, you need to work in a slower paced environment.
It's ok yo ask for pointers for personal improvement from someone you admire. However, you have a masters degree and should have learned goal setting and project management. YTA for trying to insert yourself into her team and then going into HR to tattle when she backed away. You had your own tasks to accomplish. Doesn't sound like you were doing very well and tried to horn in on Thea's. Do you own work well and your bosses will take notice and pull you into other projects too. Going to HR often needs to be a last ditch effort. You made things difficult for Thea who obviously was the better time manager.
I sort of hate you people for focusing on how much of a "jerk" OP is - my guess is that she is neurodivergent and is genuinely completely lost to know what the actual expectations are. I'm autistic, and I'm very good at following clear instructions, but no one ever gives those instructions when it comes to behavioral norms. So OP was clearly cobbling together a mix of what (I'm assuming) the employee handbook said to do in situations of interpersonal conflict, and trying to model the practices of someone who she wanted to be like. Clearly she didn't come up with the "correct" solution, but when you're expected to "just know" what's obvious to everyone else, and then reprimanded for following the rules that people DO put out there (she probably has heard a lot about "advocate for yourself" without clarity about how to judge whether you ACTUALLY are in the right)... It's like being thrust into a foreign culture and punished for not knowing, for instance, that "hi" is offensive.
I wonder if OP is nuerodivergent. Reading this feels very much like being inside my own head as I struggled socially and in jobs that did not provide CLEAR expectations for behavior. I. Autistic, and reading social and behavioral expectations is extremely difficult (although with decade of feedback, mostly in the traumatizing form of "you're being a jerk, you're smart so it must be on purpose, there's no way you don't know that no one wants you around!" I'm usually better at avoiding serious faux pas).
I’m sorry but not getting your way and getting included in everything YOU want is not a hostile work environment. No more blaming others, learn to be so good at your own work that others are inviting you to PLEASE join their project.
The fact that the co worker moved her work station closer to the bosses offices is telling me that she already discussed what the problem was with you with her bosses. If you were stuck up her a$$ all the time... There is something dishonest here.
this is why i hate these "AITA?🥺" posts because these people clearly expect one answer. This was the only BP in a while where the person was TA
I really feel sorry for Thea in this, she's relatively new herself. Thea initially helped her colleague who couldn't keep up. Then the colleague asks Thea why she is not involved in every single one of the projects Thea is dealing with?? If I were Thea I'd have probably gone through this thinking 1) I know she's new but a slow team member is not going to help me finish my projects, maybe should adjust things to make sure she doesn't cause issues on projects I'm responsible for, 2) answering all these questions is just taking up more of my own time, & I'm sure I've told her some of this before, 3) I don't have many more months experience than OP, why should I be mentoring her, it is not my assigned role and why can't she pick it up like I did?, 4) OP now wants to be involved in every one of my projects, help!, she's stressing me out and now its borderline stalkerish, I better avoid her before it gets even worse. And the prize at the end of that, a complaint to HR!
She reminds me of a dead-beat member in a group project. Playing innocent, pretend idolizing asking for coaching, and to get credit for another employees work. Manipulative and saccharine AF. Her standard innocence/charm backfired.
I just remembered a group project in high school in which I was in a group of five total people and only two of us did the work. I forget how it came about, but I believe my teacher noticed I was irritated that all of us were going to fail the project because it didn’t seem like we did much work at all. I protested because I felt like that wasn’t fair to my other group member and me. When she heard the truth about what happened, my teacher gave me an A, my other group member a C, and the other three Fs. I sincerely hope that those who failed the project decided they would never let others take the fall for them again and do work of which they could be proud! Putting considerable effort into a group project may be difficult sometimes, but it’s worth the doing. That said, I understand Thea feeling like her coworker created a difficult and unproductive work environment for her. I also admire Thea being so gracious to her coworker, Especially since her coworker wasn’t taking her hints!
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You want to know the truth as I see it. 1) You are an entitled child whose life was made easy because you were given everything. Because of that you had (and still have based on your followup facts) no idea how the real world and workplace is. 2) You automatically assumed yout team mate was going to help you coast through your work like like everyone else in your life has done. In short you took her kindness as something you were "entitled" to have. 3) When you got on her nerves (this her first real world work experience and probably didnt think you would become her needy baby) she figured out that she had to shut you down. 4) You ran to the fixer who made "your world right" again like every other time things didn't go your way. In this case it was HR but that person lives in the real world, not "your" world. In what workplace world would they alienate the new enployee who is producing by making that person play with you. Unless you were in with the owners I say none. Grow up.
Absolutely agree with this being annoying to read. Sounds like this is prob OP's first job which would explain why she has no workplace etiquette. I am fully on board with Thea when she said "not everything with my name needs you involved." If OP is so in awe of Thea's work ethic, watch and learn. Don't annoy the s**t out of her because now you've made an enemy and it looks like Thea is going places!!
Agree with you. Ok to ask for advice and pointers, then create your own niche. Thea is likely to become OP's manager shortly
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Just leave her alone. A person’s desire to be left alone doesn’t necessarily mean they’re hostile. Not everyone is going to like you, and that’s ok. Work is work—not a social mixer. Also, if I was a working student and someone who’d already graduated kept interfering in my work and questioning me I’d be annoyed too. Focus on your own tasks in the future.
Wow! You thought HR was the equivalent to a principal. You need to understand that HR is there to protect the company from serious situations that occur during work, to avoid litigation. They say they're there for the employees, but that's not true. BTW, work is not university, they are not there to cater to your learning. Their main goal is to be profitable. What can you do to help the company be productive? If I were you I would find another job. You have now branded yourself as a "trouble maker," with HR. They will be waiting for you to make another mistake, so they can "let you go." From now on, I recommend you talk to someone outside of work, who has lots of experience, in that field for advice and mentoring.
Aw bless her little cotton socks, poor baby didn't make friends at work because she kind of sucks. Having a degree does not qualify you for administrative work, that takes years of experience and taking c**p from more qualified than you.
Yeah no doubt YTA. It's mean and self-centered to overwhelm your hardworking coworker and then wrongfully blame that individual for your short comings. I'm getting narcissism vibes. Perhaps also a strong training need. Focus on your work and meeting the deadlines.
OP is not just an AH, but obtuse as a rock as well. She was making the rest of the team delayed, constantly pestering Thea when Thea was working her rump off.OP, Thea isn't your mommy or big sister. She doesn't need to hold your hand and make you feel better. And she obviously isn't your girlfriend so climb off of her and leave her alone, she doesn't need you sniffing her bottom all the time. She isn't interested. Go ahead and say I am mean to but slacking off and harassing a coworker is not how to make yourself the star employee at work.
I feel sorry for this girl. She seems to embody all the stereotypes of millennials/gen z, whatever. She has some very hard lessons coming.
One of the comments said they were annoyed with her just reading the story, and I couldn't agree more. This woman has no clue how to handle herself in a workplace.
It really was a bit painful to read. I am fairly sure, though, it is not a mistake the poster will do again. I really liek some of the comments, especially the one with 'she was not difficult to work with, she just refused to coach you' Very well put.
Load More Replies... Geez, even the "clarifying" edits were bad. If you're in a deadline-driven environment, you put in the work to keep up, end of story. The work environment does not adjust to you, you adjust to the environment, or you look for another job. And from the sound of it it seems like OP fully has the capability to keep up, she's just... not for whatever reason. If Thea had to put in a system where even if OP submitted late she was still on time, then imo she was capable of meeting the original deadline anyway.
Having a tighter deadline that necessary possibly caused OP added stress, but it sounds like OP is poor at time management, and imo that explains why she had to be given adjusted deadlines, in order to get her to crack on and complete by the original deadline. The thing I don't get, OP says she is not used to working to such deadlines...but she's just finished her masters. Surely a masters degree these days involves working to deadlines?
Load More Replies... I second the go read Ask A Manager website before you go off on one recommendation. There’s a great letter of ‘I was fired for taking initiative’ where the letter writer basically complained that they hadn’t been allowed to do the projects *she* wanted to do. And she acted just like this AITA poster. And got torn to bits in the comments.
Yeah, AAM is awesome. Whatever the workplace issue, between Alison and the community in the comments you can find the best solution
Load More Replies... The OP sounds like an entitled spoiled brat! Sorry lady, but the rest of the world does not think you are special just because your parents told you this from day 1. And to go to HR?! Man l don't blame Thea for being pissed. OP needs to start looking for another job....if l were her manager l'd def get rid of her. At 26 with a Masters she should know how to do this job and meet deadlines. And to write that she can't meet them, and then blame Thea for that?! And to then ask to be on more projects when she's already failing at the one's she already on? Outrageous! Clearly she's been coddled all her life and expected the same in the workplace.
It sounds to me like she's still expecting it to work like university, where everyone is accommodating and where there are ready mentors to tell you how to do everything. She isn't ready to work without training wheels.
In that case, she should have looked for an internship, to see how to act accordingly in her field, especially.
Load More Replies... we say at my workplace, "i don't have time to babysit" and it sounds like that's exactly how Thea felt.
When I was 26 I had two jobs. One I was waaaayyyy over my head, the other I was great at. At both, the culture was much different from the other. I got fired from one, and one worked hard to make sure I had a job to come back to when I had to leave for personal reasons. No one fits everywhere, and it seems like OP just didn't fit where she was at ALL. Some places are more collaborative while others encourage individual achievement. Neither is bad, she just seems to need a new job (if she can find one, it's rough out there regardless of location it seems)
At 26 i was working 5-6 days a week and going to college 4 days a week. Sure you can see by this point i had work n school days overlap n had virtually no free days to mentally unwind or do HW/study. But i had to make it work. Study at work any second i could. Stay up late to do HW stuff like that.
Load More Replies... My favorite is this person went to the internet to ask if she was the A because she was HOPING to be told she was NOT the A. That's a dumb move. If you are going to the internet in hopes of getting a pat on the back you are in for a let-down. Try to not be so thirsty that you need the internet to support the feels.
Reddit is a different kind of place. I would wager most of the time people there would say that the poster is not the a-hole, mostly because Reddit is a little bit of an echo chamber and most likely to agree with users who are more likely in their psychographic, and most of these situations I see involve people obviously being gaslit or treated unfairly. In this situation, however, the poster was just so overwhelmingly clearly in the wrong, and so completely oblivious to that fact (to the point that I would say she has some sort of mental health issue) that she made the unfortunate mistake of posting this online, only for everyone to tell her what an a-hole she was being. Honestly, I think they even let her off easy.
Load More Replies... She "didn't expect" the vast majority of people to say YTA? She's even more deluded than I thought. Hun, that is NOT what HR is for. Absolutely YTA.
My takeaway from this is you stuck to her like glue and eventually pissed them off with a "take me with you, take me with you, take me with you~" type of clinginess in your work. They're right, not everything she does needs you glued to her hip to do it, back off because you're kinda being the a*s here by crowding her and then reporting her to HR when she finally can't take it anymore. It's like putting your face infront of a dog while it's eating everyday and then saying you'll have to put it down when it finally bites you, geez.. Also, don't ask if you don't want to hear that YTA. All these 'corrections' just make you look like you wanted justification only and we're not your friends here, we're indifferent readers who, based on the presented facts, lol, are going to call you an a*s or not.
Her: Great worker, takes on hardest tasks, beats deadlines////// You: missing deadlines, don't know where to find things, can't work under slightly uncomfortable situations, whines to HR over non-issues/////// Clearly the company values her very much, so by reporting her, you're just asking them to find an excuse to fire you.
Ok...time for me to be the AH. First, her co-worker was telling her "move faster" next time, implying she was ok with her "tagging along" on these projects. She could have straight up said, "Look, I understand you want to help/learn, etc but maybe you should gain more experience and then try again ". Second, she didn't have to snap at her about it, either. She should have been more clear about the situation in the first place. A new employee most likely wants to learn and do their best. Many times, the best place to learn is from someone who is doing the same job, just has more experience. Again, this is where the co-worker should have said something in advance. My only issue is that OP could have handled better by addressing her concerns with the co-worker instead of running to HR.
Thea was just as inexperienced as the OP. I'm willing to give her a pass on being stressed (she's busting her a*s to impress her bosses~~and it's WORKING) and frustrated on having made the mistake of taking on an anchor.
Load More Replies... YTA Both employees had basically same seniority, same title, one still in school the other has finished degree. I would have expected the one with degree to be mentor not the other way around. It's hard enough to learn a new job let alone have it complicated with someone else constantly asking questions that most times could be answered with simple observation. I've to often been the Thea where Im trying to figure something out only to have someone break my train of thought when they couldn't follow what was to me logical steps. Thea was not excessively rude or impatient in her response was more pushed past subtle patient responses.
They both are degreed. The victim was just getting her post grad degree while working full-time. I applaud her and hope she doesn't burn herself out like I did when I was a student.
Load More Replies... Good lord...you are a pain in the derriere. First of all, running to HR because of a hostile environment was overkill and not factual. What u did was a power play and it backfired. You felt entitled and you arent. If I were you, I would be looking 4 another job where u can use your newly acquired maturity, humility. You caused a lot of problems in this office and created a toxic environment.
The part that astounds me is that she took time to gather evidence...time in which she should have used to become more efficient at managing her deadlines....so her actions validated the coworkers feelings towards her....perhaps this is not the best career path for the OP...
Oh, good point! I didn't think about that, but you're totally right. Instead of using her time for the job and focusing on her own projects and improvement, she collected evidence and thought of a way to get the coworker in trouble.
Load More Replies... So..because she wouldn't kiss your a*s and take time to teach your slow a*s...SHE is the bad guy? YOU glommed onto her and leeched her and COULD NOT KEEP UP and don't have the sense to figure out how to work, like a grown up...pushed her until she lost her patience and you think SHE needed to be reported? You can't do the job and SHE is the bad guy..... you need a kick in the a*s.
Get out the way you silly little thing! Lol she may have known her in school, but since has obviously found her perfect niche.. and the o.p. demands she be included , even though she can't keep up!? Sorry girl, but either work at being a valuable member of her team, *on your own time, she owes you nothing, or find another job.. just leave her to do the mighty fine job is doing! Simple! Jeez!
This person probably ruined her future at this company tbh and it's going to be super uncomfortable for her now and impossible to advance BC of what she did. She should cut her losses and make a fresh start elsewhere, taking people's feedback here as advice for how not handle things
I don't like saying YTA, but OP has a lot to learn about not clinging and then reporting a hostile environment. It would be different if Thea had been assigned as a mentor or offered to take OP under her wing because she wanted to.
Better start looking for a new job. You are now THAT person at work, the one everyone avoids talking to, the one that no one wants to work with. Why should they? If they don't say the right things or treat you like a princess they get reported to HR. I can't believe you have a Master's if you can't do basic research to find the answers you need.
I saw this story on the Newsweek website two or three weeks ago and can understand why Thea got tired of her coworker’s behavior. I could not imagine doing this to somebody who offered to mentor me graciously. There comes a point when one should be able to conduct himself or herself as independently as possible in a given workplace unless their job requires them to be completely dependent on others’ scheduling, job requests, etc. I hope the OP learned a lesson about boundaries and conducting herself with greater professionalism in the workplace.
Is this the same story about the "clingy" co-worker? The other side lol
Load More Replies... It sounds as if the OP misunderstood the meaning of "hostile work environment". That would refer to mistreatment based on race, sex etc. Not liking a coworker isn't it. This was definitely not a matter for HR.
And...bosses want quiet. I'm a boss. I know. She might as well start looking for a new job.
I don't know if i understood the Post entirely correct So i will not judge her. But what i understood is, that she is just started working. Some people mentioned she should Look for a New job/could be fired soon... How should she learn if nobody tells her how to behave (sorry, maybe not the right Word) at work? Are bosses expecting their New employees to know exactly what to do and so? I think that is unfair and not very realistic because every workplace is different although the job may be the same. One Boss once literally told me, He expect me to no more Do mistakes right the second after my Training is over....
Load More Replies... I just started a job last week and got assigned to a department. It would be like me going to someone who's also relatively new but in a new department and asking them if I can take part in their tasks without permission of someone in authority, then going to the manager to complain when declined and given added pressure on quotas. Absolutely unfathomable. It's like the OP has never had a job before.
Agree YTA. Thea seems to have a system n the OP was trying to get in on it which messed her system up. I get admiring a persons skills but trying to cling onto it isnt a way to show it. Better method would be how they started out initally. Give praise to how they can handle what would be a stuggle to others. Ask if there is any advice they can give so OP can inprove themselves. Ask OCCASIONALLY if they can join in on tasks to learn better not EVERY task. I know from experience dont mess with ppls flow or system. If you are interested in it juat ask "how do you do it" "do you have advice that might help me do better"
I worked in 2 jobs that required I learn the specific didactics of each workplace & be a self-governing part of a team. YTA for expecting co-workers to breastfeed you while seein to their own jobs. It's YOUR responsibility to know the basics o' projects & be self-governing. You shouldn't be paid when another coworker is essentially doing your job- time to grow up.
She's lucky Thea didn't track her bad performance to report to HR. I hate it when people run to a boss or manager whining rather than speaking directly to the person that's taking up space in their head. Her curiosity belongs in kindergarten not a post grad job.
I work in a kitchen. If people are slow doing there work it creates a hostile work environment. On the flipside. Just because you're fast doesn't mean you're good. Also Thea was probably just being nice at first, but then when op was slow and therefore not up to standards it was probably irritating. Also op sounds like a nosy person. Mind your business and do your work.
She didn't win anyone over with her side of things. This is what happens when you're young and highly educated, but lack any sort of real workplace experience. Even on the best of collaborative teams, people are still individuals competing for advancement. The coworker helped more than needed, then became an involuntary big sister/babysitter to someone in the same role. Yeah, no thanks! This isn't a high school ice cream shop job, and you're not going to be buddies with most of your coworkers/competition. Then going to HR for getting on someone's last nerve when you don't understand how a grown up workplace operates, and don't see obvious cues that you've worn out your welcome? Might want to move on from that job, since you've dug your own grave with several levels of staff.
You're both there to do a job so do yours and don't be such a baby. This is your first job and if Thea's unwillingness to mentor you made you go to HR, you're going to be learning a lot of lessons the hard way.
Thea works super hard at her job. I'm sure she also works hard in graduate school, and we don't even know anything about her home life stresses and responsibilities. To be honest, OP was probably driving Thea to a nervous breakdown. I'm sure after being REPORTED, Thea probably broke down and threatened to walk if someone didn't stop OP from making her work life miserable. Now I don't think OP was being an intentional A-hole, but she did come across to me as insecure, immature, self-centered and oblivious to other people's perspectives and feelings. She should just try improving her skills by watching people like Thea, but trying to stay out of their way until she's a little less green. She's essentially trying to jump into the deep end of the pool, before she even knows how to dog paddle.
This lady may have a degree, but it looks like she has a lot to learn in the School of Hard Knocks. Hopefully this will be a wakeup call for her to learn some humility and realize that no one owes her anything. If she wants to be a part of team she has to earn that spot by her hard work.
OP proves herself to be overly idealistic and very nieve as how projects get done as well as how management functions
I was in Human Resources for 18-1/2 years. A large part of my time was spent with disgruntled employees. The first questions I would ask them were “have you had a conversation with person” then “have you spoken to your supervisor about this”.
Since when is it ok to snitch? These little phrases like "advocate for myself" mean "telling", don't they? I found this unbelievable, but I see it everywhere: reporting people to Facebook ot Twitter, deliberately trying to get a mob, if possible, This is called "sneaking", 'tale-bearing', 'grassing'…or it used to be and should be held in contempt. Amazing, I feel for Thea, this slow, useless, whining, clingy brat with zero self-awareness spoiling her workdays.
ESH, if the account of what happened is mostly accurate. OP should have taken the hint, and it probably wasn't the first hint. The lady she was following so closely should have handled it with more grace, however. It sounds like she tried to make OP dislike her to get her out of her hair. And then OP probably should have spoken to anybody but HR about it.
Entitled, young, and dumb. Both were assholes, but the one who was reported~~her only mistake was not telling OP in very firm terms *why* OP needed to acquire a clue in the first place. If you can't figure out how to find a paper in an organized filing system, then perhaps you need more education and a boot up the rump.
I hope Thea writes her side of the story. I can imagine she’d be asking she if was wrong to snap at the slow, entitled Karen coworker. It’s like we’re getting Karen’s point of view this time.
YTA. You need hand holding and spoon feeding. Your coworker realized that you simply aren't competent and your lack of commitment to the project by not keeping to the timeline was affecting her personally since it was her project. So after giving you many chances and you couldn't seem to "get it" she kicked you off the project. Then you went whining to your mommy aka HR. Fortunately the folks at HR realized what was happening. Yeah YTA. And now you have the label at work. Good luck with that.
So, you basically made a complete pest of yourself and annoyed her into snapping at you, so YOU reported HER. Wow. You have some serious entitlement issues. I wouldn't want to work with you either.
Lol! Yeah, gonna agree with most here that the OP was YTA guilty! When OP stated they went straight to HR, I mentally shook my head. Sounds like they didn't even attempt to do the adult thing and have a candid talk with Thea to try and straighten things out on their own. For these types of situations, HR should be after one has tried everything else or if it was an extreme case of harrassment/assault. Otherwise you just look a whiner. I don't blame Thea for avoiding OP.
I think this would be an indication to me that this kind of work with this pace, was not one I was equipped to handle. Instead of looking at either accepting that or fixing it, she went off to collect evidence. She can collect evidence but cannot find her work in folders, already laid out for her. What a waste of energy. People need to realize some people are able to think faster or not be bothered by the noise and get stuff done with surgical precision. If you cannot look at this as your fault and find some way to stop looking for evidence this is someone else's fault, you need to work in a slower paced environment.
It's ok yo ask for pointers for personal improvement from someone you admire. However, you have a masters degree and should have learned goal setting and project management. YTA for trying to insert yourself into her team and then going into HR to tattle when she backed away. You had your own tasks to accomplish. Doesn't sound like you were doing very well and tried to horn in on Thea's. Do you own work well and your bosses will take notice and pull you into other projects too. Going to HR often needs to be a last ditch effort. You made things difficult for Thea who obviously was the better time manager.
I sort of hate you people for focusing on how much of a "jerk" OP is - my guess is that she is neurodivergent and is genuinely completely lost to know what the actual expectations are. I'm autistic, and I'm very good at following clear instructions, but no one ever gives those instructions when it comes to behavioral norms. So OP was clearly cobbling together a mix of what (I'm assuming) the employee handbook said to do in situations of interpersonal conflict, and trying to model the practices of someone who she wanted to be like. Clearly she didn't come up with the "correct" solution, but when you're expected to "just know" what's obvious to everyone else, and then reprimanded for following the rules that people DO put out there (she probably has heard a lot about "advocate for yourself" without clarity about how to judge whether you ACTUALLY are in the right)... It's like being thrust into a foreign culture and punished for not knowing, for instance, that "hi" is offensive.
I wonder if OP is nuerodivergent. Reading this feels very much like being inside my own head as I struggled socially and in jobs that did not provide CLEAR expectations for behavior. I. Autistic, and reading social and behavioral expectations is extremely difficult (although with decade of feedback, mostly in the traumatizing form of "you're being a jerk, you're smart so it must be on purpose, there's no way you don't know that no one wants you around!" I'm usually better at avoiding serious faux pas).
I’m sorry but not getting your way and getting included in everything YOU want is not a hostile work environment. No more blaming others, learn to be so good at your own work that others are inviting you to PLEASE join their project.
The fact that the co worker moved her work station closer to the bosses offices is telling me that she already discussed what the problem was with you with her bosses. If you were stuck up her a$$ all the time... There is something dishonest here.
this is why i hate these "AITA?🥺" posts because these people clearly expect one answer. This was the only BP in a while where the person was TA
I really feel sorry for Thea in this, she's relatively new herself. Thea initially helped her colleague who couldn't keep up. Then the colleague asks Thea why she is not involved in every single one of the projects Thea is dealing with?? If I were Thea I'd have probably gone through this thinking 1) I know she's new but a slow team member is not going to help me finish my projects, maybe should adjust things to make sure she doesn't cause issues on projects I'm responsible for, 2) answering all these questions is just taking up more of my own time, & I'm sure I've told her some of this before, 3) I don't have many more months experience than OP, why should I be mentoring her, it is not my assigned role and why can't she pick it up like I did?, 4) OP now wants to be involved in every one of my projects, help!, she's stressing me out and now its borderline stalkerish, I better avoid her before it gets even worse. And the prize at the end of that, a complaint to HR!
She reminds me of a dead-beat member in a group project. Playing innocent, pretend idolizing asking for coaching, and to get credit for another employees work. Manipulative and saccharine AF. Her standard innocence/charm backfired.
I just remembered a group project in high school in which I was in a group of five total people and only two of us did the work. I forget how it came about, but I believe my teacher noticed I was irritated that all of us were going to fail the project because it didn’t seem like we did much work at all. I protested because I felt like that wasn’t fair to my other group member and me. When she heard the truth about what happened, my teacher gave me an A, my other group member a C, and the other three Fs. I sincerely hope that those who failed the project decided they would never let others take the fall for them again and do work of which they could be proud! Putting considerable effort into a group project may be difficult sometimes, but it’s worth the doing. That said, I understand Thea feeling like her coworker created a difficult and unproductive work environment for her. I also admire Thea being so gracious to her coworker, Especially since her coworker wasn’t taking her hints!
Load More Replies... You want to know the truth as I see it. 1) You are an entitled child whose life was made easy because you were given everything. Because of that you had (and still have based on your followup facts) no idea how the real world and workplace is. 2) You automatically assumed yout team mate was going to help you coast through your work like like everyone else in your life has done. In short you took her kindness as something you were "entitled" to have. 3) When you got on her nerves (this her first real world work experience and probably didnt think you would become her needy baby) she figured out that she had to shut you down. 4) You ran to the fixer who made "your world right" again like every other time things didn't go your way. In this case it was HR but that person lives in the real world, not "your" world. In what workplace world would they alienate the new enployee who is producing by making that person play with you. Unless you were in with the owners I say none. Grow up.
Absolutely agree with this being annoying to read. Sounds like this is prob OP's first job which would explain why she has no workplace etiquette. I am fully on board with Thea when she said "not everything with my name needs you involved." If OP is so in awe of Thea's work ethic, watch and learn. Don't annoy the s**t out of her because now you've made an enemy and it looks like Thea is going places!!
Agree with you. Ok to ask for advice and pointers, then create your own niche. Thea is likely to become OP's manager shortly
Load More Replies... Just leave her alone. A person’s desire to be left alone doesn’t necessarily mean they’re hostile. Not everyone is going to like you, and that’s ok. Work is work—not a social mixer. Also, if I was a working student and someone who’d already graduated kept interfering in my work and questioning me I’d be annoyed too. Focus on your own tasks in the future.
Wow! You thought HR was the equivalent to a principal. You need to understand that HR is there to protect the company from serious situations that occur during work, to avoid litigation. They say they're there for the employees, but that's not true. BTW, work is not university, they are not there to cater to your learning. Their main goal is to be profitable. What can you do to help the company be productive? If I were you I would find another job. You have now branded yourself as a "trouble maker," with HR. They will be waiting for you to make another mistake, so they can "let you go." From now on, I recommend you talk to someone outside of work, who has lots of experience, in that field for advice and mentoring.
Aw bless her little cotton socks, poor baby didn't make friends at work because she kind of sucks. Having a degree does not qualify you for administrative work, that takes years of experience and taking c**p from more qualified than you.
Yeah no doubt YTA. It's mean and self-centered to overwhelm your hardworking coworker and then wrongfully blame that individual for your short comings. I'm getting narcissism vibes. Perhaps also a strong training need. Focus on your work and meeting the deadlines.
OP is not just an AH, but obtuse as a rock as well. She was making the rest of the team delayed, constantly pestering Thea when Thea was working her rump off.OP, Thea isn't your mommy or big sister. She doesn't need to hold your hand and make you feel better. And she obviously isn't your girlfriend so climb off of her and leave her alone, she doesn't need you sniffing her bottom all the time. She isn't interested. Go ahead and say I am mean to but slacking off and harassing a coworker is not how to make yourself the star employee at work.
I feel sorry for this girl. She seems to embody all the stereotypes of millennials/gen z, whatever. She has some very hard lessons coming.
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