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Woman Asks People Online If She’s Wrong For Telling Her Husband She Won’t Cook For His Grieving Friend Again
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Woman Asks People Online If She’s Wrong For Telling Her Husband She Won’t Cook For His Grieving Friend Again

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Helping a friend, or even a friend’s friend, is always respectable. Not only does it restore faith in humanity, but also is actually helping an individual get through a tough situation that they could have otherwise not been able to deal with on their own.

However, one thing that most people don’t really expect, and hence end up stuck in most times, is when this friend starts taking things too far, either becoming a choosy beggar, moocher, or a straight-up jerk.

It’s a point where you refusing to help will make you look like the bad guy, but continuing to help the guy in need just fuels their abuse of your help.

Well, this one Reddit user ended up in such a situation, which led to her asking the trusty r/AmITheA-Hole community to help understand if she’s wrong here.

More Info: Reddit

Helping someone out in time of need by preparing a meal or two is great, if they don’t get too comfortable with it

Image credits: Farhad Ibrahimzade (not the actual photo)

Meet u/Lillian3435543, or for convenience’s sake, Lillian, who recently came to the AITA subreddit with a story of help for a husband’s friend that quickly turned sour.

So, the Reddit user has a husband who has a very good friend named Dale. Dale had recently lost his wife to cancer and to help him out during this rough time, Lillian started including him in the meals she cooks. This way he would at least have one less thing to worry about.

This Reddit user shared a story of how a grieving friend of her husband grew ever so demanding with her help over a span of 3 months

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Image credits: Lillian3435543

Long story short, what started off as one meal a week quickly turned into 3 to 5 meals a week with specific requests and preferences. The cherry on top was that Dale wasn’t even paying for any of it. The husband said Dale had no job, so it would have been rude to demand payment for it.

On top of it all, Dale would send Lillian messages thanking her for the food, but he would also begin sending in comments on how to ‘improve’ her cooking. You probably already know where this is going.

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Image credits: Lillian3435543

Well, it all piled up and exploded a few days ago when Lillian, who’s a nurse at a big hospital, was working a full day and Dale sent in a request to prepare some food for him and several guests he had coming over later that day. Because of work, she never got around to reading it, let alone responding.

When she got off work and came home, her husband was upset. Turns out, Dale texted her early in the morning and, having not received any response from her, ended up ordering food last minute.

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Apparently, that ended up making him feel ignored and like a burden, leading to a comment that, in his opinion, Lillian is working too much, and the hubby pointed out that she should apologize for putting Dale into this awkward position.

Image credits: Lillian3435543

What followed was her strict refusal to continue cooking for Dale ever again: “I told [my husband] that I’m no longer cooking for his friend. Not even weekly meals. Period. Since this is the type of treatment I get and I’m being treated like a maid or a personal cook then I’m not cooking for Dale again. Ever. I said this, then I went upstairs.“

The story ended up being posted on r/AmITheA-Hole, asking the community whether she was actually in the wrong here to refuse to cook for Dale for what is now three months, and whether she should have apologized.

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So, she went to ask Reddit if she was in the wrong here, and they unanimously determined that no, she’s not wrong

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The post blew up, garnering nearly 20,000 upvotes with over 2,000 comments in under two days. People determined that she is in fact not the bad guy here, but rather Dale, or even more so the husband.

You can check out the full thread along with everyone’s detailed verdicts here. But before you go, why not drop us a comment of who you would side with in this situation and why in the comment section below!

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erictloft avatar
YupItsMe1234
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is so weird to hear "my husband doesn't cook". I could understand "my husband isn't a very good cook", but husband doesn't cook? Why the heck not?

miriam-renken avatar
MiriPanda
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She said 'My husband.... takes care of household chores except cooking' so I think the splitting of tasks is just fine here. The friend should learn to cook though.

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anneking68 avatar
StrawberryParfait
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Number one, a grown man should know how to cook. Period. There is no excuse for a man not knowing how to cook for himself in this day and age. Helplessness is not an attractive trait, and no woman wants to play mommy to a grown man. Number two, ingratitude gets old fast. All Dale needed to say was "thank you" for the times she chose to cook for him out of the goodness of her heart. Number three, she needs to divorce her asshole husband who seems to think that she is a rent-a-serf for his low-value and lazy friends. He does NOT have her back, clearly values his idiot friend over her, and seems to view his wife as an appliance put there to make life easier for him and his gross friend. If Dale is this much of a petulant child with his friend's wife, I can only imagine how he treated his own. No wonder she got cancer and died. She's probably glad to finally be free of his lazy ass.

merlestechow avatar
hazelree avatar
Stille20
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If this is true I am concerned about the marriage more than the friend. The husband and friends could learn to to cook. Also as they are both benefiting from the money she is making, there is no way they should be judging how much she works. Run and take your income and cooking skills with you

danielw_1 avatar
Sorican
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think I would have replied back to Dale with, 'And I didn't know we were married.'. and when the husband got pissy about that, 'Well, guess we won't be for long, huh?' making requests and providing instructions on how-to was pretty over the line. But 'you work too much' is a 'me or him, buddy' kind of moment.

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jencook avatar
JennyLaRue
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you're feeling up to critiquing someone's cooking and placing requests for meals, then you should also be feeling in a position to fend for yourself. The situation has gone way beyond a nice gesture during a tough time, and now he's just taking the mick out of the situation. The most worrying part of the whole story is the lack of support from the husband.

schizodragon avatar
3ke
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What the hell? The woman is a NURSE for crying out loud. 1 of the busiest, most stressful, time consuming jobs in the world! Especially now with Covid-19 bitch slapping the human population.

donotreplytokjk avatar
Otter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Agreed. Everyone I know knows not to call or text me at work, things are just too busy for personal calls. And in the last year every nurse on Earth has had to deal with COVID, which has increased the stress level x10, and "Dale" thinks he can contact a nurse at work and demand she cook for a dinner party! If this s**t is for real, that's absolutely the breaking point.

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sweetangelce04 avatar
CatWoman312
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel sometimes people know they’re NTA, but need that validation. No person you aren’t the asshole. Dale and your husband are. You’re not a personal chef and he’s insane to treat you as such. I would be super offended if someone critiqued my meal I gifted for free and that for me (because I have no filter) would be me telling him off months ago. If it’s not good enough, make your own damn food. Ramen noodles are around $.25. Add some roast beef from the deli and bean sprouts and boom you got your own noodle bowl.

kathrynbaylis_1 avatar
Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, her husband probably gave her a load of s**t about it, and she just needs validation. Glad to give it to her too!

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ccilev_ avatar
Cécile V.
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She is a nice person and her husband is stupid. The so called friend is a jerk.

renskedejonge9 avatar
Renske de Jonge
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't care about the friend wanting to take advantage of her. So be it, but her husband? Hey go fix my friend's house. Hurry up. And from her guests too. Come on, not so selfish. You're man. Hush hush.

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susannecarvin_1 avatar
PandaMonium
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The guys in this story seem to think they're living in 1955.

kathrynbaylis_1 avatar
caroline_nagel avatar
Caroline Nagel
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She wrote she got off work at 9 pm. When was she supposed to cook the meal? Was she supposed to take the rest of the day off to go to the shops and cook for him and his guests?

manuelamartins avatar
Manuela Martins
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What a bizarre situation you have gotten yourself into with a husband who is as much of an a**hole as is his abusive, disrespectful "friend". This is intolerable, parasitic behaviour, mourning or not.

lahemly avatar
Whawhawhatsis
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband is retired, while I still work, often long hours. And guess what? He does all the cooking! He's always been a better cook than me anyway because as a bachelor -- shockingly! -- he taught himself to cook! He didn't expect a woman to do it for him simply because she's a woman. Anyone can learn to do basic cooking! I wasn't a very good cook, but I cooked for my family for 25 years. Both the husband and the friend are total entitled, sexist idiots and deserve to not have her cook for either of them!

emory_ce avatar
Carol Emory
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dale and your husband are playing you for the sucker. The fact that neither of them are working is even more reason to tell them..."How nice...you and Dale can learn how to cook together!" And if my husband had told me that I was over-reacting to the situation, I'd turn to him, look him dead in the eye and say "I can always stop cooking for you too! Now that would be over-reacting!" Stop letting them walk all over you. They have the free time...let them cook for themselves!

mintyminameow avatar
Mewton’s Third Paw
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The husband works. It sounds like he’s one of the millions of people who work from home now because covid. He has a normal job though according to the story.

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chascatmokx avatar
ChascatmoK X
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Definitely NTA, however you have trained Dale well. Now you need to "un-train" him. Make hubby cook for Dale, since he is so adamant about having Dale eat. Stop being a doormat!

deborahbrett avatar
Deborah B
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd suggest buying your husband a beginners cookbook, and telling him to go over to Dale's one night a week, and the two of them can cook and eat together. It's more supportive to spend time with him and help him learn an essential life skill than to keep enabling his selfishness.

donotreplytokjk avatar
Otter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Great solution! The husband wants Dale to eat, Dale needs some good food that isn't cooked by the OP, Dale needs to learn to fend for himself, and if Hubby is working at home he'd undoubtedly welcome chances to get out of the house, and Hubby is the one who wants to support Dale so let him do the work of it. Plus, the OP gets an evening where she can just eat a peanut butter sandwich and put her feet up, instead of cooking.

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zora24_1 avatar
Trillian
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've heard of the custom of bringing over a piece of food to the relatives when someone passed away, but to keep cooking for weeks and months? Because the husband "doesn't cook"? Geez. Plus the guy doesn't work, seems like a good way to fill your time to learn how to cook. What decent person wouldn't feel way too embarrassed to accept this for so long?

lindastorm2000 avatar
Linda HS
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am sorry and I do hope I am not the only one that believes a sentence should never start with “so and so think/believes” specially when is about a couple -husband/ wife, girlfriend/ boyfriend and a third wheel. I am sorry for his loss, but Dale should get a job and order food or learn how to cook.

michel_2 avatar
Marcellus the Third
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If his wife made it crispier or with more sauce then he should honour her memory and make the dish crispier or with more sauce. Himself. Just because she died doesn't mean they had a good relationship; he probably was as bad or worse to her.

robert-townsend avatar
Billy The Kid
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sympathies Dale but GET OFF YOUR FKN ASS AND DO SOMETHING DALE!!!! As for her husband.... When you show a weakness people jump on that to their advantage!

stevegoodman avatar
Steve Goodman
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't understand? Is Dale disabled? Is he unable to fend for himself as he is unable to move? This guy has the whole neighborhood doing everything for him. Dale, I'm sorry you lost your wife but get off off your ass, get a job and start taking care of yourself. This entitled, behavior is pathetic and deserves no more sympathy, especially because he just seems to take advantage of those who offer it.

hijoe967 avatar
J Rob
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a feeling that these are written to elicit the most angry response. Each sentence successively sucks you deeper and deeper into hating not only hating Dale but the husband as well. Masterfully written.

onemessylady avatar
Aunt Messy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She's not a servant. Her husband IS being a jerk about it. She should seriously thing about the five minute 200 pound weight loss plan that will get that dead weight out of her house.

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abdk333 avatar
K Witmer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Talk about controlling. The husband and the weirdo friend. Maybe they want to be in a relationship that's what it sounds like to me. There's nothing wrong w that except for the lying and gaslighting to the wife.

renskedejonge9 avatar
Renske de Jonge
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I didn't know you had this cruel side of you. Oh really? Well, then you do now. Go marry your friend, take a course and go cook for him and work, to provide for him. Bye. This woman is amazing for not slamming the husband.

sonohrin avatar
Diana
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Her husband and Dale are the assholes, of course her husband is not going to understand how she feels because he is not the one being burdened all the time. Dale is a grown up man, he should start cooking for himself and should also stop leeching out of the girl and the nerve to even ask her to cook for his guests... I'm pretty sure he also expected for her to buy the ingredients! She is not responsible for her partner's best friend and her husband should be ashamed of himself for acting like this.

mjw0sysascend_com avatar
lara
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow, this guy is really "working" his grief. Tell him to grow up.

always2bfaithful avatar
DDmaybeandor
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This has just got to be coming from a culture who historically has placed a low value on women and neglects to teach boys how to take care of themselves. There's so much societal pressure to conform and I really applaud this woman for standing her ground.

liverpoolroze avatar
Rose the Cook
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dale is perfectly capable of ordering food in.Or his guests could treat him to a meal out somewhere. His late wife was obviously a doormat and he is trying, with her husband's help, to make the writer one as well. Heaven knows nurses are working hard enough as it is.

davidf avatar
David F
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It sounds like Dale had gotten to the point i using you. People that use other people will ask more and more and think you are a pushover or something. Dale may have been that way. He could of been telling people that he was scamming you for the free food. And if you were making good stuff, even better, a fresh salad, lasagna, and garlic bread is awesome to somebody that only eats cereal all the time. But if Dale was in so much grief he really couldn't take care of himself then your husband's empathy is not wrong. It's just a matter if figuring out if you were being played or not. I knew a guy in his early 40's that lived at home with his parents. He was always drinking my beer and eating my food. I didn't think anything of it. He was my friend and I don't mind giving friends what's mine. Then he came over and I wasn't home, he told me roommate he was going to eat and drink while I was gone, then told my roommate that I was a pushover. He said Dave's an idiot or something like that.

natalybills avatar
VogueGal
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Dale sounds horrible, but if I may, you should reanalyze your relationship with your husband and let him know that he is not treating you well as he should! His actions towards the whole situation, the fact he's enabling Dale that makes him equally as bad.

onemessylady avatar
Aunt Messy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You husband is behaving like a jackass. Tell him that if he really wants to "help" Dale, he can move in with his best friend and they can cook for themselves. You are not a catering service, and you owe Dale NOTHING. ...///... He'd be a lot better off if he'd get up off his a**e and got a job.

sugarducky avatar
Vivian Ashe
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So does her husband go over twice a week to clean Dale's toilet, vacuum his house and do his laundry? Who's checking Dale's motor oil levels and tire pressure? Taking his trash out to the curb? Feeding his dog? Paying his bills? I for one am worried about poor Dale. This is way too much responsibility for a 37 year-old man with no job.

edc_82 avatar
Lola
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Basic life skills such as cooking and cleaning should not be gender based. They are just that, life skills. We all should have them. And I will join the rest of the comments and say that the problem here is not Dale, but it’s clearly your husband. Dale is simply taking advantage in a time of need - many people will. I think your husband should move in with Dale and they can both live happily ever after. His level of concern for Dale and not for you, is disturbing to say the least.

mark-mckenzie_1 avatar
anarkzie
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would not be surprised if the husband is offering these services to Dale on her behalf.

abbysmink avatar
abby smink
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You'd be totally in the right here to say something along the lines of "you're always criticizing my cooking, not sure why you'd want me to continue to do it for you, and a large party of your friends."

caseymcalister avatar
Casey McAlister
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some people apparently don't understand that you decided to be nice and do them a favour, it doesn't mean they are forever at your service and you can demand whatever you please. Dale sounds like a jerk, and OP's husband enables him because he's also a jerk. Also, what's that with capable adults who can't cook?

oceanblue513 avatar
Znaya
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My answer to this is your husband's friend as difficult as the situation is, is not the first person to go through this and he won't be the last. As a human being you have been the victim of emotional blackmail and you allowed yourself to buy into it. There should have been some ground rules set up from the beginning especially in light of your highly demanding and difficult job. There has been no consideration towards you or your position! You do not owe anyone a thing and you are well within your rights to feel like you do, I commend you for tolerating it for as long as you did.

wds2111 avatar
Wendy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good for the OP for putting her foot down and refusing to cook for this ungrateful parasite. LOL that he said he makes him “feel like a burden”. As well it should - because he is a burden!

isabellagalluzzo19 avatar
Bella, Your Kitty-Loving Queen
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel like a grown man should know how to cook for himself. I mean my dad doesn’t normally make the meals, my mom does. But when my dad knows he needs to cook it, he knows hot to make some pasta or cook a turkey. He doesn’t do it, but he knows how. (And don’t worry, my dad still helps with other things regularly)

earloflincoln avatar
Martha Meyer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dale needs to learn how to cook. Is he expecting other people to cook for him until he dies of old age?

hjemmemac avatar
Soon
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dale is a cheap, unappreciative, lazy person who uses the fact that he lost his wife in every way possible. It's sad that he lost his wife, but to expect friends to come around and do everything around the house for you and not even pay for it, that's not right. Dale should offer to pay for groceries, and then you could decide if you wanted payment or not. And to top it off, texting you the same day as he's having people over to have you cook, that's not acceptable! He should have asked several days in advance, and for him to run to your husband because you're at work is not reasonable. What did he expect that you would take the rest of the day off to cook for him?

armsoftheocean avatar
Franc Esca
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's something else going on between Dale and her husband! Wow I wish these things were made up

truthmonster00 avatar
Truth Monster
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you really want to make a point, stop cooking for hubby too. Clearly he takes the effort you are making for granted.

faithhh02 avatar
Faith Hurst
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Stop cooking for Jerk #1 and Divorce Jerk#2. I get so sick of people having to do something because others can't. It's cooking. It can be learned.

alejandralima29 avatar
Alejandra Lima
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ufff, Dale es un vivo que no sabe hacer nada y se dió cuenta cuando su esposa murió. Que ponga la frente en alto y encamine su vida, al final está viviendo de los demás. Menos mal que no tiene hijos, sino se morirían de hambre con un padre así. ¿Y ese marido? Mi marido me llega a decir que le cocine a su amigo y lo mando a la mierda con insulto y todo.... A ver si él se pondría a trabajar de mucamo y cocinero a alguna amiga mía. Dios, las cosas que hay que leer....

barbarakayton avatar
Barbara Kayton
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have learned that people who are grieving can really go through weird, difficult struggles. Dale's inappropriate demands might be his way of masking/dealing with the grief - without knowing Dale, I can't say how different from - or the same - his demanding requests are from his past behavior. If this is unusual behavior for him, hopefully it will pass - or it will be something for him to work through. That being said, the writer is absolutely right to set boundaries, and I'm shocked her husband doesn't seem to understand the pressures and demands of her work, or that his friend's behavior is not appropriate. There are many ways to help someone, and if hot meals are an issue for Dale, the husband could help him check into getting Meals On Wheels, or spend with him both learning to cook.

cyndiebirkner avatar
Cyndielouwhoo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm on her side. Dale and her husband have got a heck of a nerve expecting her to offer unpaid chef service...and criticizing as well!

missmiss avatar
miss miss
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Becoming a widow is excruciating. I needed people, not their food, I couldn't eat.😪

juliepritt avatar
Julie
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

With the price of groceries these days. this is asking too much. Plus the time, and know how it takes to prepare a meal, again too much. It would be easier to just give Dale money for him to order out, (it would save the time and labor).

4grand2great avatar
Esther Evans
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We're talking about men that are 33 and 37 years old????? Reading this you could be forgiven for thinking they're 90 years old and physically challenged....Let your 'old' man learn to manage by himself !!!

nubmaeme avatar
Nubmaeme
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Situations like this never end well. All 3 will probably end up estranged from each other, then there's a marriage AND a long time friendship forever broken.

renskedejonge9 avatar
Flip
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Friendship broken? He already chose for his friend instead of her.

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abbysmink avatar
abby smink
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To cook one or two meals at the time is kind, and completely fine. But to expect someone else to be your sole meal provider months on, someone, I might add, who's busy busting thier ass in healthcare during a global pandemic? GTFO with that nonsense.

chickennugget_3 avatar
Chicken Nugget
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It sounds like it's not a 'cruel side' but more of a 'everyone should know how to cook' side.

katlia avatar
kat lia
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow she is so nice. That Dale guy need to move on and help himself. He need to find a job and stop depending on other people. I work 12 hours in a big hospital too and when i get out from work i am super exhausted. I can't believe that she still have time for this parasite.

boredpanda_127 avatar
A
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She allowed herself to be a doormat and now she's being criticized for her perfectly reasonable behaviour. Dale is a leach and has probably been a leach his entire life. An adult does not need someone else to cook for them and he doesn't need his bff to come over every day to help out with things. There are youtube videos for everthing someone might not know how to do on their own. Dale might need therapy or a support group. This enabling couple has done more than enough.

libby6 avatar
Stargazer66
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

ounooi-roos avatar
Ounooi Roos
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nta BUT... I would kick his sorry a*s all the way to the moon. He must lift his a*s and 1) get a job. 2) learn to cook. Dale is NOT your responsibility. If he doesnt understand that you have a job and a husband and responsibilities, sorry for him. He can get up and start working. No he is lazy and entitled. Dis his wife work to support him? Hope there isnt a sucker out there falling for him very soon before he cleans up his act. Stop cooking for him. No matter what.

magentamanganit avatar
MagNat
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dale doesn't work. He could do with a hobby. Cooking would be perfect for passing time and he could bond with his friends and thank them with inviting them for the meals he prepares sometime. TA-DAAA!

janice_parks_100 avatar
Janice Parks
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would give Dale one last thing… an easy cookbook for beginner single cooks

pascal_3 avatar
Kanuli
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not being able to cook is the biggest lie if there ever was one. Everyone who is able to live a halfway normal life can cook. Period. Maybe not free-style or big complicated dishes. But theres thousands of recipes with step-by-step instructions and still simple and nutritious. You literally just follow a script. Not any different from normal work, or school, or getting dressed! First underwear, then pants, opposite around is only allowed for superheroes. With Youtube its even easier nowadays. Everyone who says they can’t cook is lying, and maybe even lying to themseves. You might be lazy, not in the mood, overwhelmed(start smaller?), or in case of the article being cheap and lazy! but can not? Nope.

celeryg avatar
celery g
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

these two twats need to pull their head out of their asses!!!!!!!!!! Start cooking your own meals and leave these two to fend for themselves!!!!!!!!! You let this go on too long and should have nipped this stupidity in the bud after two weeks at the most!

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alloutbikes@yahoo.com
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Husband's housemate would expect me to cook for him when I would stay over. I paid for the food. He never cooked for us. I had to prepare twice the amount i would have cooked for the two of us so he would have enough.

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Amy Kohlert
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would have sent my husband packing to Dale's house. The are the perfect, codependent couple.

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Mazer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My uncle couldn’t cook anything and he had no idea how to work the microwave when his wife died we had to hire somebody to help him out. This is a burden and my suggestion is start cutting back on meals you cook for him, and suggest that he is social services that is what they’re there for. I would just make sure that he understands this is an a personal thing and that you hope to make him treats for dinner once a month or so so that you can stay on good terms

naras-nest avatar
Alexandra Nara
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA You help a griefing friend- that is wonderful. But his demands and orders are a red flag, he seems to get stucked in his passive role, keeping the memories of his dead wife alive by adapt your cooking. That is a unhealthy bounding and will not help getting over his loss and learning some skills to move on. Sometimes the best help you can offer is help him doin it by himself and empower him to act selfresponsible.

lillukka79 avatar
Lillukka79
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He's alone at home all day, every day. Perfect time to learn to cook for himself. Or if the husband thinks others need to cook for him, he can do it since it's his friend.

stanflouride avatar
Stannous Flouride
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No one "deserves a hot meal or two a week." The first time I received a "correction" on something I'd cooked for them would have been the end. And being unemployed is no excuse. I was unable to work for 18 months because of the pandemic so I used local food banks (where in the past I'd been a volunteer and a donor).

kathinka avatar
Katinka Min
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How about husband and Dale learn to f*cking cook??? Especially since they don't seem to be full time employed. To all the peeps reading this: Not being able to provide even basic meals for yourself and others is a No-go in this milennia. It makes you look like a needy child. Cooking is a basic and essential skill of adulthood and unless you try to be fancy, it is really not that hard.

hjdashiell avatar
Paradise
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

these are so weird because there is a CLEAR winner here, so I think these are done by someone very creative. The husband is an ass, too. No phu¢k!ng brainer

xaviervanvarenberg avatar
Boop le nose
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

All of his single friends don't know how to cook. What the actual f**k. The first thing you should learn when you start living on your own os how to cook a proper meal. It isn't that f*****g hard. Common sense and descent recipes. Borderline laziness. A wife shouldn't have to cook at frigging 9pm when coming from home. Husband should have already been at it. My ex gf said I was a "modern man" for doing everything. When I read things like this, i quite understand what she meant. If all they want in a wife is a cook: buy prepped meals, or go back to your mother's basement

marinamercouri avatar
Beatrice Multhaupt
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

All ethical considerations aside, there's something primeval going on here: Dale wants to dominate his new cook. So he keeps upping the ante in the hope of eliciting more subservience and goes a bit too far. Oops! Basically, this began to escalate when Dale started to text his intended victim. Aldous Huxley used to say, ''Eternal vigilance''"

jadewilliamson89 avatar
Jade Lynn - Panda's Brat
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA for sure. I would not be cooking for Dale OR the husband any time soon if he treated me like that. This is ridiculous. She's a nurse during a pandemic. Wtf is wrong with these men???

katie-trondsen avatar
KT
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like your husband and his best friend are both a couple of dip sh*ts. Like seriously WTF does he think he is wanting you to cook for him that many times AND suddenly his friends as well? What a total leach. Cut him off

cyndiebirkner avatar
Cyndielouwhoo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dale can also order food for himself or get TV dinners or make sandwiches and salads himself---that doesn't take cooking ability...or sign up for an easy cooking class. If he doesn't work he has plenty of time to learn to procure meals himself.

renskedejonge9 avatar
Flip
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He can't pay for that. He has no job. Her husband shouldn't have such a nasty side to him and take an extra job, to pay meals for Dale.

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Kazuki Homare
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lmao if your husband is so concerned for his bestfriend then tell him to cook for him himself.

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Tracy Sellars
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd stop cooking for the husband too until he apologized for being a jerk

marianne_langseth avatar
Marianne Langseth
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wonder how this Dale treated his own wife... He must have been an absolute delight to cook (and clean) for the way he criticized the hospitable cooking of the wife of his best friend.

marianne_langseth avatar
Marianne Langseth
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wonder how this Dale treated his wife... He sounds like he must have been an absolute delight to cook (and clean) for the way he criticized the hospitable cooking of the wife of his best friend.

kaylaj avatar
Kayla J
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

While it seems easy to call Dale the asshole, I'm guessing this is more of a marriage issue than anything. Dale probably wouldn't be asking and suggesting these things if the husband who visits him daily didn't push him along.

miss-dianne avatar
Bored Silly
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This sounds like it is from a culture where the woman traditionally is the one to do the cooking, cleaning etc ( woman's work) . A culture where a woman's worth is judged by her ability to care for her husband and children this way. It is expected of these woman to do this type of thing because they are woman. Easy for us to say tell him to piss off or divorce him but it may have taken a lot for her to finally say no and put her foot down. I feel terrible that so many cultures still treat woman as second class citizens no better then servants. Even though they also work full time they are expected to serve the men in their culture. And yes I am well aware that these man/children exist in every country and culture but my point is she sounds like she is from a culture where this is the norm.

robinhawn avatar
Robin Hawn
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Layering on some extra opinion-lasagna here too. This is some codependent madness between Husband and Dale. Dale has Husband convinced they have the right to feel entitled to Nurse/Chief/Wife's time and energy when she doesn't keep extending extreme generosity they can take advantage of and then devalue. It sounds like a dude-privilege code they are trying to guilt Nurse into complying with and have been successful at til Dales impromptu dinner party. If I could talk to the poor human who posted this originally, I would advise her to stick to her spatula boundaries. If she feels her marriage is balanced, that's her business. But I'd be telling Husband and Dale they need therapy and cooking classes cause they are being weird as hell.

pincriske avatar
Clearly sunny
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dale's a dickhead. Leave the grown adult jerk to figure out how to feed himself. Ignore your husband.

sprkn1 avatar
Carmalina Rossi
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OH you are SO NTA, your husband and his friend are. WTF, he is ordering food from you like you're a restaurant, and then getting upset when you don't respond. I wouldn't cook for anyone, screw them both. OMG the gull of both your husband's friend and your husband...you are NOT obligated to make his friend anything. UNREAL at the selfishness of both of these men. NO wait, they aren't men, they are little boys, you can blame their mother's for their behavior.

elizabethfussell avatar
Elizabeth Fussell
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You're definitely the asshole here, problem is the person you're being an asshole too is you! You have a full time job a husband who can't care for himself and you've taken on a foster husband! Take time for you!

elizabethfussell avatar
hard2guesss avatar
Bender Bending Rodríguez
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am not reading this any further than husband asking wife to apologies. At this point Dale is just taking advantage of this couple. Either Dale needs to start cooking himself or pay someone who will.

jamie_mayfield avatar
Ivana
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like the husband and Dale have plenty of time on their hands to learn to cook, they can do it together, spend some real bro time on it. Also, what kind of adult doesn't know how to cook? You really can't feed yourself by the time you are 30? May sound insensitive but both my husband and I have a low opinion of people who can't do basic life tasks (not including those who have disabilities that physically or mentally hinder their ability). Over the years we have taught 7 of our friends how to cook, it is super simple, saves you a ton of money and time, and is pretty damn essential to living. Why people are dying left and right of heart disease, people have to eat junk all the time because watching a youtube video for how to make a meal is just too hard.

ljamie04 avatar
Hollysmom
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I cannot believe the nerve of either the husband or Dale. This woman has gone above and beyond and is just taken for granted and advantage of. Bad enough to ask and expect 3-5 meals a week but, to ask for special orders and make criticisms is just so far overboard. This makes me angry for her. There are plenty of food and meal delivery services available. Not sure why Dale doesn't work. Retired? Help is wonderful but this ridiculous. I am sorry for his loss but, it doesn't entitle him to a private (unpaid) chef.

chstrsctt82 avatar
CScott
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We all have freedom to choose :) Whether you obey or not is a matter of choice...whatever makes you happy is none of other people's business!

web_9 avatar
Owiella Freddie
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m not even going to read the feed, because YES, YTA simply because you posted the story on social media. This passive-aggressive attack trend has got to stop.

jepj27 avatar
Eepe
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

…?? The title says she was “deemed the bad guy” but is clearly not. Huh

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Mewton’s Third Paw
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Kinda just outrage porn since the “answer” is so obvious. Pointless repost.

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Apachebathmat
Community Member
2 years ago

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Your husbands needs to grow a pair, if this story is real... me thinks not

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Molly Whuppie
Community Member
2 years ago

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NTA but, I feel like there would have been less aggressive ways to resolve this. Like, communication. Sit down with Dale and let him know you can provide some meals but as you are busy with work, it would only be a couple of times a week and only what you'd be cooking for yourselves. Your husband and Dale can't cook? ok so invite Dale around one weekend, and you teach them both how to cook a week's worth of meals in one weekend. Meal Prep. Slow cooker meals. Easy things that can be frozen and then reheated, so they don't have to rely on you for cooking all the time. Dale shouldn't of course be calling you at work, but I do feel that a bit of compassion would go a long way, as he has lost his wife. If you've ever lost your partner, you know how bereft that can make you feel. It's only been a few months. Some people need time.

renskedejonge9 avatar
Renske de Jonge
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Less aggressive? I'm amazed at how she contains herself. I wouldn't even have done it and just asked the husband: Are you crazy?

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AndersM
Community Member
2 years ago

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More and more of these American middle-class person have "problem" and shares it with everyone makes me miss the Disney princess....

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YupItsMe1234
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is so weird to hear "my husband doesn't cook". I could understand "my husband isn't a very good cook", but husband doesn't cook? Why the heck not?

miriam-renken avatar
MiriPanda
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She said 'My husband.... takes care of household chores except cooking' so I think the splitting of tasks is just fine here. The friend should learn to cook though.

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anneking68 avatar
StrawberryParfait
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Number one, a grown man should know how to cook. Period. There is no excuse for a man not knowing how to cook for himself in this day and age. Helplessness is not an attractive trait, and no woman wants to play mommy to a grown man. Number two, ingratitude gets old fast. All Dale needed to say was "thank you" for the times she chose to cook for him out of the goodness of her heart. Number three, she needs to divorce her asshole husband who seems to think that she is a rent-a-serf for his low-value and lazy friends. He does NOT have her back, clearly values his idiot friend over her, and seems to view his wife as an appliance put there to make life easier for him and his gross friend. If Dale is this much of a petulant child with his friend's wife, I can only imagine how he treated his own. No wonder she got cancer and died. She's probably glad to finally be free of his lazy ass.

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hazelree avatar
Stille20
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If this is true I am concerned about the marriage more than the friend. The husband and friends could learn to to cook. Also as they are both benefiting from the money she is making, there is no way they should be judging how much she works. Run and take your income and cooking skills with you

danielw_1 avatar
Sorican
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think I would have replied back to Dale with, 'And I didn't know we were married.'. and when the husband got pissy about that, 'Well, guess we won't be for long, huh?' making requests and providing instructions on how-to was pretty over the line. But 'you work too much' is a 'me or him, buddy' kind of moment.

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JennyLaRue
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you're feeling up to critiquing someone's cooking and placing requests for meals, then you should also be feeling in a position to fend for yourself. The situation has gone way beyond a nice gesture during a tough time, and now he's just taking the mick out of the situation. The most worrying part of the whole story is the lack of support from the husband.

schizodragon avatar
3ke
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What the hell? The woman is a NURSE for crying out loud. 1 of the busiest, most stressful, time consuming jobs in the world! Especially now with Covid-19 bitch slapping the human population.

donotreplytokjk avatar
Otter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Agreed. Everyone I know knows not to call or text me at work, things are just too busy for personal calls. And in the last year every nurse on Earth has had to deal with COVID, which has increased the stress level x10, and "Dale" thinks he can contact a nurse at work and demand she cook for a dinner party! If this s**t is for real, that's absolutely the breaking point.

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CatWoman312
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel sometimes people know they’re NTA, but need that validation. No person you aren’t the asshole. Dale and your husband are. You’re not a personal chef and he’s insane to treat you as such. I would be super offended if someone critiqued my meal I gifted for free and that for me (because I have no filter) would be me telling him off months ago. If it’s not good enough, make your own damn food. Ramen noodles are around $.25. Add some roast beef from the deli and bean sprouts and boom you got your own noodle bowl.

kathrynbaylis_1 avatar
Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, her husband probably gave her a load of s**t about it, and she just needs validation. Glad to give it to her too!

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Cécile V.
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She is a nice person and her husband is stupid. The so called friend is a jerk.

renskedejonge9 avatar
Renske de Jonge
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't care about the friend wanting to take advantage of her. So be it, but her husband? Hey go fix my friend's house. Hurry up. And from her guests too. Come on, not so selfish. You're man. Hush hush.

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PandaMonium
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The guys in this story seem to think they're living in 1955.

kathrynbaylis_1 avatar
caroline_nagel avatar
Caroline Nagel
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She wrote she got off work at 9 pm. When was she supposed to cook the meal? Was she supposed to take the rest of the day off to go to the shops and cook for him and his guests?

manuelamartins avatar
Manuela Martins
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What a bizarre situation you have gotten yourself into with a husband who is as much of an a**hole as is his abusive, disrespectful "friend". This is intolerable, parasitic behaviour, mourning or not.

lahemly avatar
Whawhawhatsis
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband is retired, while I still work, often long hours. And guess what? He does all the cooking! He's always been a better cook than me anyway because as a bachelor -- shockingly! -- he taught himself to cook! He didn't expect a woman to do it for him simply because she's a woman. Anyone can learn to do basic cooking! I wasn't a very good cook, but I cooked for my family for 25 years. Both the husband and the friend are total entitled, sexist idiots and deserve to not have her cook for either of them!

emory_ce avatar
Carol Emory
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dale and your husband are playing you for the sucker. The fact that neither of them are working is even more reason to tell them..."How nice...you and Dale can learn how to cook together!" And if my husband had told me that I was over-reacting to the situation, I'd turn to him, look him dead in the eye and say "I can always stop cooking for you too! Now that would be over-reacting!" Stop letting them walk all over you. They have the free time...let them cook for themselves!

mintyminameow avatar
Mewton’s Third Paw
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The husband works. It sounds like he’s one of the millions of people who work from home now because covid. He has a normal job though according to the story.

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ChascatmoK X
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Definitely NTA, however you have trained Dale well. Now you need to "un-train" him. Make hubby cook for Dale, since he is so adamant about having Dale eat. Stop being a doormat!

deborahbrett avatar
Deborah B
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd suggest buying your husband a beginners cookbook, and telling him to go over to Dale's one night a week, and the two of them can cook and eat together. It's more supportive to spend time with him and help him learn an essential life skill than to keep enabling his selfishness.

donotreplytokjk avatar
Otter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Great solution! The husband wants Dale to eat, Dale needs some good food that isn't cooked by the OP, Dale needs to learn to fend for himself, and if Hubby is working at home he'd undoubtedly welcome chances to get out of the house, and Hubby is the one who wants to support Dale so let him do the work of it. Plus, the OP gets an evening where she can just eat a peanut butter sandwich and put her feet up, instead of cooking.

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Trillian
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've heard of the custom of bringing over a piece of food to the relatives when someone passed away, but to keep cooking for weeks and months? Because the husband "doesn't cook"? Geez. Plus the guy doesn't work, seems like a good way to fill your time to learn how to cook. What decent person wouldn't feel way too embarrassed to accept this for so long?

lindastorm2000 avatar
Linda HS
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am sorry and I do hope I am not the only one that believes a sentence should never start with “so and so think/believes” specially when is about a couple -husband/ wife, girlfriend/ boyfriend and a third wheel. I am sorry for his loss, but Dale should get a job and order food or learn how to cook.

michel_2 avatar
Marcellus the Third
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If his wife made it crispier or with more sauce then he should honour her memory and make the dish crispier or with more sauce. Himself. Just because she died doesn't mean they had a good relationship; he probably was as bad or worse to her.

robert-townsend avatar
Billy The Kid
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sympathies Dale but GET OFF YOUR FKN ASS AND DO SOMETHING DALE!!!! As for her husband.... When you show a weakness people jump on that to their advantage!

stevegoodman avatar
Steve Goodman
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't understand? Is Dale disabled? Is he unable to fend for himself as he is unable to move? This guy has the whole neighborhood doing everything for him. Dale, I'm sorry you lost your wife but get off off your ass, get a job and start taking care of yourself. This entitled, behavior is pathetic and deserves no more sympathy, especially because he just seems to take advantage of those who offer it.

hijoe967 avatar
J Rob
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a feeling that these are written to elicit the most angry response. Each sentence successively sucks you deeper and deeper into hating not only hating Dale but the husband as well. Masterfully written.

onemessylady avatar
Aunt Messy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She's not a servant. Her husband IS being a jerk about it. She should seriously thing about the five minute 200 pound weight loss plan that will get that dead weight out of her house.

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K Witmer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Talk about controlling. The husband and the weirdo friend. Maybe they want to be in a relationship that's what it sounds like to me. There's nothing wrong w that except for the lying and gaslighting to the wife.

renskedejonge9 avatar
Renske de Jonge
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I didn't know you had this cruel side of you. Oh really? Well, then you do now. Go marry your friend, take a course and go cook for him and work, to provide for him. Bye. This woman is amazing for not slamming the husband.

sonohrin avatar
Diana
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Her husband and Dale are the assholes, of course her husband is not going to understand how she feels because he is not the one being burdened all the time. Dale is a grown up man, he should start cooking for himself and should also stop leeching out of the girl and the nerve to even ask her to cook for his guests... I'm pretty sure he also expected for her to buy the ingredients! She is not responsible for her partner's best friend and her husband should be ashamed of himself for acting like this.

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lara
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow, this guy is really "working" his grief. Tell him to grow up.

always2bfaithful avatar
DDmaybeandor
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This has just got to be coming from a culture who historically has placed a low value on women and neglects to teach boys how to take care of themselves. There's so much societal pressure to conform and I really applaud this woman for standing her ground.

liverpoolroze avatar
Rose the Cook
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dale is perfectly capable of ordering food in.Or his guests could treat him to a meal out somewhere. His late wife was obviously a doormat and he is trying, with her husband's help, to make the writer one as well. Heaven knows nurses are working hard enough as it is.

davidf avatar
David F
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It sounds like Dale had gotten to the point i using you. People that use other people will ask more and more and think you are a pushover or something. Dale may have been that way. He could of been telling people that he was scamming you for the free food. And if you were making good stuff, even better, a fresh salad, lasagna, and garlic bread is awesome to somebody that only eats cereal all the time. But if Dale was in so much grief he really couldn't take care of himself then your husband's empathy is not wrong. It's just a matter if figuring out if you were being played or not. I knew a guy in his early 40's that lived at home with his parents. He was always drinking my beer and eating my food. I didn't think anything of it. He was my friend and I don't mind giving friends what's mine. Then he came over and I wasn't home, he told me roommate he was going to eat and drink while I was gone, then told my roommate that I was a pushover. He said Dave's an idiot or something like that.

natalybills avatar
VogueGal
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Dale sounds horrible, but if I may, you should reanalyze your relationship with your husband and let him know that he is not treating you well as he should! His actions towards the whole situation, the fact he's enabling Dale that makes him equally as bad.

onemessylady avatar
Aunt Messy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You husband is behaving like a jackass. Tell him that if he really wants to "help" Dale, he can move in with his best friend and they can cook for themselves. You are not a catering service, and you owe Dale NOTHING. ...///... He'd be a lot better off if he'd get up off his a**e and got a job.

sugarducky avatar
Vivian Ashe
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So does her husband go over twice a week to clean Dale's toilet, vacuum his house and do his laundry? Who's checking Dale's motor oil levels and tire pressure? Taking his trash out to the curb? Feeding his dog? Paying his bills? I for one am worried about poor Dale. This is way too much responsibility for a 37 year-old man with no job.

edc_82 avatar
Lola
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Basic life skills such as cooking and cleaning should not be gender based. They are just that, life skills. We all should have them. And I will join the rest of the comments and say that the problem here is not Dale, but it’s clearly your husband. Dale is simply taking advantage in a time of need - many people will. I think your husband should move in with Dale and they can both live happily ever after. His level of concern for Dale and not for you, is disturbing to say the least.

mark-mckenzie_1 avatar
anarkzie
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would not be surprised if the husband is offering these services to Dale on her behalf.

abbysmink avatar
abby smink
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You'd be totally in the right here to say something along the lines of "you're always criticizing my cooking, not sure why you'd want me to continue to do it for you, and a large party of your friends."

caseymcalister avatar
Casey McAlister
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some people apparently don't understand that you decided to be nice and do them a favour, it doesn't mean they are forever at your service and you can demand whatever you please. Dale sounds like a jerk, and OP's husband enables him because he's also a jerk. Also, what's that with capable adults who can't cook?

oceanblue513 avatar
Znaya
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My answer to this is your husband's friend as difficult as the situation is, is not the first person to go through this and he won't be the last. As a human being you have been the victim of emotional blackmail and you allowed yourself to buy into it. There should have been some ground rules set up from the beginning especially in light of your highly demanding and difficult job. There has been no consideration towards you or your position! You do not owe anyone a thing and you are well within your rights to feel like you do, I commend you for tolerating it for as long as you did.

wds2111 avatar
Wendy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good for the OP for putting her foot down and refusing to cook for this ungrateful parasite. LOL that he said he makes him “feel like a burden”. As well it should - because he is a burden!

isabellagalluzzo19 avatar
Bella, Your Kitty-Loving Queen
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel like a grown man should know how to cook for himself. I mean my dad doesn’t normally make the meals, my mom does. But when my dad knows he needs to cook it, he knows hot to make some pasta or cook a turkey. He doesn’t do it, but he knows how. (And don’t worry, my dad still helps with other things regularly)

earloflincoln avatar
Martha Meyer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dale needs to learn how to cook. Is he expecting other people to cook for him until he dies of old age?

hjemmemac avatar
Soon
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dale is a cheap, unappreciative, lazy person who uses the fact that he lost his wife in every way possible. It's sad that he lost his wife, but to expect friends to come around and do everything around the house for you and not even pay for it, that's not right. Dale should offer to pay for groceries, and then you could decide if you wanted payment or not. And to top it off, texting you the same day as he's having people over to have you cook, that's not acceptable! He should have asked several days in advance, and for him to run to your husband because you're at work is not reasonable. What did he expect that you would take the rest of the day off to cook for him?

armsoftheocean avatar
Franc Esca
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's something else going on between Dale and her husband! Wow I wish these things were made up

truthmonster00 avatar
Truth Monster
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you really want to make a point, stop cooking for hubby too. Clearly he takes the effort you are making for granted.

faithhh02 avatar
Faith Hurst
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Stop cooking for Jerk #1 and Divorce Jerk#2. I get so sick of people having to do something because others can't. It's cooking. It can be learned.

alejandralima29 avatar
Alejandra Lima
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ufff, Dale es un vivo que no sabe hacer nada y se dió cuenta cuando su esposa murió. Que ponga la frente en alto y encamine su vida, al final está viviendo de los demás. Menos mal que no tiene hijos, sino se morirían de hambre con un padre así. ¿Y ese marido? Mi marido me llega a decir que le cocine a su amigo y lo mando a la mierda con insulto y todo.... A ver si él se pondría a trabajar de mucamo y cocinero a alguna amiga mía. Dios, las cosas que hay que leer....

barbarakayton avatar
Barbara Kayton
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have learned that people who are grieving can really go through weird, difficult struggles. Dale's inappropriate demands might be his way of masking/dealing with the grief - without knowing Dale, I can't say how different from - or the same - his demanding requests are from his past behavior. If this is unusual behavior for him, hopefully it will pass - or it will be something for him to work through. That being said, the writer is absolutely right to set boundaries, and I'm shocked her husband doesn't seem to understand the pressures and demands of her work, or that his friend's behavior is not appropriate. There are many ways to help someone, and if hot meals are an issue for Dale, the husband could help him check into getting Meals On Wheels, or spend with him both learning to cook.

cyndiebirkner avatar
Cyndielouwhoo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm on her side. Dale and her husband have got a heck of a nerve expecting her to offer unpaid chef service...and criticizing as well!

missmiss avatar
miss miss
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Becoming a widow is excruciating. I needed people, not their food, I couldn't eat.😪

juliepritt avatar
Julie
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

With the price of groceries these days. this is asking too much. Plus the time, and know how it takes to prepare a meal, again too much. It would be easier to just give Dale money for him to order out, (it would save the time and labor).

4grand2great avatar
Esther Evans
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We're talking about men that are 33 and 37 years old????? Reading this you could be forgiven for thinking they're 90 years old and physically challenged....Let your 'old' man learn to manage by himself !!!

nubmaeme avatar
Nubmaeme
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Situations like this never end well. All 3 will probably end up estranged from each other, then there's a marriage AND a long time friendship forever broken.

renskedejonge9 avatar
Flip
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Friendship broken? He already chose for his friend instead of her.

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abbysmink avatar
abby smink
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To cook one or two meals at the time is kind, and completely fine. But to expect someone else to be your sole meal provider months on, someone, I might add, who's busy busting thier ass in healthcare during a global pandemic? GTFO with that nonsense.

chickennugget_3 avatar
Chicken Nugget
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It sounds like it's not a 'cruel side' but more of a 'everyone should know how to cook' side.

katlia avatar
kat lia
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow she is so nice. That Dale guy need to move on and help himself. He need to find a job and stop depending on other people. I work 12 hours in a big hospital too and when i get out from work i am super exhausted. I can't believe that she still have time for this parasite.

boredpanda_127 avatar
A
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She allowed herself to be a doormat and now she's being criticized for her perfectly reasonable behaviour. Dale is a leach and has probably been a leach his entire life. An adult does not need someone else to cook for them and he doesn't need his bff to come over every day to help out with things. There are youtube videos for everthing someone might not know how to do on their own. Dale might need therapy or a support group. This enabling couple has done more than enough.

libby6 avatar
Stargazer66
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

ounooi-roos avatar
Ounooi Roos
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nta BUT... I would kick his sorry a*s all the way to the moon. He must lift his a*s and 1) get a job. 2) learn to cook. Dale is NOT your responsibility. If he doesnt understand that you have a job and a husband and responsibilities, sorry for him. He can get up and start working. No he is lazy and entitled. Dis his wife work to support him? Hope there isnt a sucker out there falling for him very soon before he cleans up his act. Stop cooking for him. No matter what.

magentamanganit avatar
MagNat
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dale doesn't work. He could do with a hobby. Cooking would be perfect for passing time and he could bond with his friends and thank them with inviting them for the meals he prepares sometime. TA-DAAA!

janice_parks_100 avatar
Janice Parks
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would give Dale one last thing… an easy cookbook for beginner single cooks

pascal_3 avatar
Kanuli
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not being able to cook is the biggest lie if there ever was one. Everyone who is able to live a halfway normal life can cook. Period. Maybe not free-style or big complicated dishes. But theres thousands of recipes with step-by-step instructions and still simple and nutritious. You literally just follow a script. Not any different from normal work, or school, or getting dressed! First underwear, then pants, opposite around is only allowed for superheroes. With Youtube its even easier nowadays. Everyone who says they can’t cook is lying, and maybe even lying to themseves. You might be lazy, not in the mood, overwhelmed(start smaller?), or in case of the article being cheap and lazy! but can not? Nope.

celeryg avatar
celery g
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

these two twats need to pull their head out of their asses!!!!!!!!!! Start cooking your own meals and leave these two to fend for themselves!!!!!!!!! You let this go on too long and should have nipped this stupidity in the bud after two weeks at the most!

alloutbikesyahoo_com avatar
alloutbikes@yahoo.com
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Husband's housemate would expect me to cook for him when I would stay over. I paid for the food. He never cooked for us. I had to prepare twice the amount i would have cooked for the two of us so he would have enough.

luvfishn avatar
Amy Kohlert
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would have sent my husband packing to Dale's house. The are the perfect, codependent couple.

nfrlprdpr avatar
Mazer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My uncle couldn’t cook anything and he had no idea how to work the microwave when his wife died we had to hire somebody to help him out. This is a burden and my suggestion is start cutting back on meals you cook for him, and suggest that he is social services that is what they’re there for. I would just make sure that he understands this is an a personal thing and that you hope to make him treats for dinner once a month or so so that you can stay on good terms

naras-nest avatar
Alexandra Nara
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA You help a griefing friend- that is wonderful. But his demands and orders are a red flag, he seems to get stucked in his passive role, keeping the memories of his dead wife alive by adapt your cooking. That is a unhealthy bounding and will not help getting over his loss and learning some skills to move on. Sometimes the best help you can offer is help him doin it by himself and empower him to act selfresponsible.

lillukka79 avatar
Lillukka79
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He's alone at home all day, every day. Perfect time to learn to cook for himself. Or if the husband thinks others need to cook for him, he can do it since it's his friend.

stanflouride avatar
Stannous Flouride
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No one "deserves a hot meal or two a week." The first time I received a "correction" on something I'd cooked for them would have been the end. And being unemployed is no excuse. I was unable to work for 18 months because of the pandemic so I used local food banks (where in the past I'd been a volunteer and a donor).

kathinka avatar
Katinka Min
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How about husband and Dale learn to f*cking cook??? Especially since they don't seem to be full time employed. To all the peeps reading this: Not being able to provide even basic meals for yourself and others is a No-go in this milennia. It makes you look like a needy child. Cooking is a basic and essential skill of adulthood and unless you try to be fancy, it is really not that hard.

hjdashiell avatar
Paradise
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

these are so weird because there is a CLEAR winner here, so I think these are done by someone very creative. The husband is an ass, too. No phu¢k!ng brainer

xaviervanvarenberg avatar
Boop le nose
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

All of his single friends don't know how to cook. What the actual f**k. The first thing you should learn when you start living on your own os how to cook a proper meal. It isn't that f*****g hard. Common sense and descent recipes. Borderline laziness. A wife shouldn't have to cook at frigging 9pm when coming from home. Husband should have already been at it. My ex gf said I was a "modern man" for doing everything. When I read things like this, i quite understand what she meant. If all they want in a wife is a cook: buy prepped meals, or go back to your mother's basement

marinamercouri avatar
Beatrice Multhaupt
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

All ethical considerations aside, there's something primeval going on here: Dale wants to dominate his new cook. So he keeps upping the ante in the hope of eliciting more subservience and goes a bit too far. Oops! Basically, this began to escalate when Dale started to text his intended victim. Aldous Huxley used to say, ''Eternal vigilance''"

jadewilliamson89 avatar
Jade Lynn - Panda's Brat
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA for sure. I would not be cooking for Dale OR the husband any time soon if he treated me like that. This is ridiculous. She's a nurse during a pandemic. Wtf is wrong with these men???

katie-trondsen avatar
KT
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like your husband and his best friend are both a couple of dip sh*ts. Like seriously WTF does he think he is wanting you to cook for him that many times AND suddenly his friends as well? What a total leach. Cut him off

cyndiebirkner avatar
Cyndielouwhoo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dale can also order food for himself or get TV dinners or make sandwiches and salads himself---that doesn't take cooking ability...or sign up for an easy cooking class. If he doesn't work he has plenty of time to learn to procure meals himself.

renskedejonge9 avatar
Flip
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He can't pay for that. He has no job. Her husband shouldn't have such a nasty side to him and take an extra job, to pay meals for Dale.

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kazukihomare avatar
Kazuki Homare
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lmao if your husband is so concerned for his bestfriend then tell him to cook for him himself.

tracysellars avatar
Tracy Sellars
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd stop cooking for the husband too until he apologized for being a jerk

marianne_langseth avatar
Marianne Langseth
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wonder how this Dale treated his own wife... He must have been an absolute delight to cook (and clean) for the way he criticized the hospitable cooking of the wife of his best friend.

marianne_langseth avatar
Marianne Langseth
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wonder how this Dale treated his wife... He sounds like he must have been an absolute delight to cook (and clean) for the way he criticized the hospitable cooking of the wife of his best friend.

kaylaj avatar
Kayla J
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

While it seems easy to call Dale the asshole, I'm guessing this is more of a marriage issue than anything. Dale probably wouldn't be asking and suggesting these things if the husband who visits him daily didn't push him along.

miss-dianne avatar
Bored Silly
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This sounds like it is from a culture where the woman traditionally is the one to do the cooking, cleaning etc ( woman's work) . A culture where a woman's worth is judged by her ability to care for her husband and children this way. It is expected of these woman to do this type of thing because they are woman. Easy for us to say tell him to piss off or divorce him but it may have taken a lot for her to finally say no and put her foot down. I feel terrible that so many cultures still treat woman as second class citizens no better then servants. Even though they also work full time they are expected to serve the men in their culture. And yes I am well aware that these man/children exist in every country and culture but my point is she sounds like she is from a culture where this is the norm.

robinhawn avatar
Robin Hawn
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Layering on some extra opinion-lasagna here too. This is some codependent madness between Husband and Dale. Dale has Husband convinced they have the right to feel entitled to Nurse/Chief/Wife's time and energy when she doesn't keep extending extreme generosity they can take advantage of and then devalue. It sounds like a dude-privilege code they are trying to guilt Nurse into complying with and have been successful at til Dales impromptu dinner party. If I could talk to the poor human who posted this originally, I would advise her to stick to her spatula boundaries. If she feels her marriage is balanced, that's her business. But I'd be telling Husband and Dale they need therapy and cooking classes cause they are being weird as hell.

pincriske avatar
Clearly sunny
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dale's a dickhead. Leave the grown adult jerk to figure out how to feed himself. Ignore your husband.

sprkn1 avatar
Carmalina Rossi
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OH you are SO NTA, your husband and his friend are. WTF, he is ordering food from you like you're a restaurant, and then getting upset when you don't respond. I wouldn't cook for anyone, screw them both. OMG the gull of both your husband's friend and your husband...you are NOT obligated to make his friend anything. UNREAL at the selfishness of both of these men. NO wait, they aren't men, they are little boys, you can blame their mother's for their behavior.

elizabethfussell avatar
Elizabeth Fussell
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You're definitely the asshole here, problem is the person you're being an asshole too is you! You have a full time job a husband who can't care for himself and you've taken on a foster husband! Take time for you!

elizabethfussell avatar
hard2guesss avatar
Bender Bending Rodríguez
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am not reading this any further than husband asking wife to apologies. At this point Dale is just taking advantage of this couple. Either Dale needs to start cooking himself or pay someone who will.

jamie_mayfield avatar
Ivana
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like the husband and Dale have plenty of time on their hands to learn to cook, they can do it together, spend some real bro time on it. Also, what kind of adult doesn't know how to cook? You really can't feed yourself by the time you are 30? May sound insensitive but both my husband and I have a low opinion of people who can't do basic life tasks (not including those who have disabilities that physically or mentally hinder their ability). Over the years we have taught 7 of our friends how to cook, it is super simple, saves you a ton of money and time, and is pretty damn essential to living. Why people are dying left and right of heart disease, people have to eat junk all the time because watching a youtube video for how to make a meal is just too hard.

ljamie04 avatar
Hollysmom
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I cannot believe the nerve of either the husband or Dale. This woman has gone above and beyond and is just taken for granted and advantage of. Bad enough to ask and expect 3-5 meals a week but, to ask for special orders and make criticisms is just so far overboard. This makes me angry for her. There are plenty of food and meal delivery services available. Not sure why Dale doesn't work. Retired? Help is wonderful but this ridiculous. I am sorry for his loss but, it doesn't entitle him to a private (unpaid) chef.

chstrsctt82 avatar
CScott
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We all have freedom to choose :) Whether you obey or not is a matter of choice...whatever makes you happy is none of other people's business!

web_9 avatar
Owiella Freddie
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m not even going to read the feed, because YES, YTA simply because you posted the story on social media. This passive-aggressive attack trend has got to stop.

jepj27 avatar
Eepe
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

…?? The title says she was “deemed the bad guy” but is clearly not. Huh

mintyminameow avatar
Mewton’s Third Paw
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Kinda just outrage porn since the “answer” is so obvious. Pointless repost.

penstubbs avatar
Apachebathmat
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Your husbands needs to grow a pair, if this story is real... me thinks not

mollywhuppie avatar
Molly Whuppie
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

NTA but, I feel like there would have been less aggressive ways to resolve this. Like, communication. Sit down with Dale and let him know you can provide some meals but as you are busy with work, it would only be a couple of times a week and only what you'd be cooking for yourselves. Your husband and Dale can't cook? ok so invite Dale around one weekend, and you teach them both how to cook a week's worth of meals in one weekend. Meal Prep. Slow cooker meals. Easy things that can be frozen and then reheated, so they don't have to rely on you for cooking all the time. Dale shouldn't of course be calling you at work, but I do feel that a bit of compassion would go a long way, as he has lost his wife. If you've ever lost your partner, you know how bereft that can make you feel. It's only been a few months. Some people need time.

renskedejonge9 avatar
Renske de Jonge
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Less aggressive? I'm amazed at how she contains herself. I wouldn't even have done it and just asked the husband: Are you crazy?

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andersmiemietz avatar
AndersM
Community Member
2 years ago

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More and more of these American middle-class person have "problem" and shares it with everyone makes me miss the Disney princess....

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