“I’m Not Coddling Her Anymore”: After Years Of Walking On Eggshells Around Her Childless Sister, This Mother Stands Up For Her Son
For women who dream of becoming a mother, it can be earth-shattering news to hear that it’s just not possible. The pain of experiencing a miscarriage is heartbreaking, and trying to have children for years without any success can take a huge toll on a person. Everyone heals from trauma in their own way, and it is understandable to have boundaries around triggering topics. But there comes a point where we have to realize that the world will not bend to our every whim.
One woman recently reached out on Reddit asking if she had been too harsh to her infertile sister after deciding that she was finished avoiding the topics of children and babies at all times. Below, you’ll find the full story that this new mother shared, as well as some of the replies from readers. Feel free to let us know your thoughts down below as well, but please, keep in mind that this is a sensitive topic for many people. And then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article discussing the lasting effects that miscarriages can cause, you can check out this story next.
After years of coddling her infertile sister, this mother is wondering if she was justified in finally standing up for herself
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko (not the actual photo)
I lost my child when I was 5 months along. Suffered from ptsd, it's been more than 10 years now. I didn't know how to deal. couldn't hear or see any babies without breaking down. Out shopping, and there's a baby, leave. Watching a film, someone happens to get pregnant, change the channel. Finding out someone else was pregnant was heartbreaking.. Guess what I didn't want though? I didn't want to ruin anyone's happiness, I didn't want them to feel bad about being pregnant. If I could get myself out if a situation that made me uncomfortable, I would do just that. I never expected anybody to change anything about their lives, just because I was in a very bad place...The parents are the biggest AH in my eyes, they are enabling this behaviour. They should be really happy that you have a healthy baby, and the way they are handling this is wrong. I hope the sister gets the help she needs, and the parents get a clue.
As someone who was infertile for years, I understand a bit of how you're feeling. I hurt too, and I this is what I did - I went to baby showers, baptisms, I sent cards, presents, slapped on a smile, hugged them and congratulated them. Then, sometimes, I went home and cried in private. Because that's what decent people do. The world does not stop when you can't have a baby. It's so okay to feel what you feel. But this person - she's just a b***h.
I avoid showers etc and every announcement hurts, but I love my niece to the core and can't imagine not having a bond with her. Can't be a mother? At least I'll be the best aunt in the world. How evil and stupid would be to not have relationship with her just because of me not having a child. That's like double loss
Hugs to you all! I too am in the infertility club...after two miscarriages I couldn't bring myself to try anymore...I was fortunate that I married a man who has two beautiful children and I got to be a stepmom...they're grown and live on their own now...that being said I love kids and baby showers ect! I love spoiling other peoples kids cuz I'm the " cool aunt"! :)
I’m sorry for your loss and I’m glad you don’t think the world should stop spinning just to satisfy you either. The sister here needs help, I agree.
Very sorry for you loss
I understand the pain this woman has gone through. Sixteen years of infertility, testing, procedures, and three miscarriages - one in my fifth month of pregnancy. BUT...the truth is that life around you goes on, as it must. The world does not grieve with you, nor should their lives and joys be put on hold. This woman needs to work through her grief with a therapist, and the parents need to get a grip.
I'm sorry for your loss
I'm so sorry for you. When I think I have it bad for never being able to get pregnant, there is a story like yours that just shakes me to the core. Hope you healed and hope you have a child there near you to be the best aunt ever for them
If you're going to an event that's *about Julie* like her birthday dinner, or an event at her home, then not bringing your baby is a resonable request. Going to someone else's event, when they want the baby there, it's not reasonable for her to try and claim that space for her bubble of tragedy.
I'm in Julie's shoes, and I can't imagine a world in which I would ask my sister NOT to bring my niece to my birthday. How could I be punishing/ignoring a baby, that's like one of the closest blood relatives. I'd rather she would be the only one to come, we would have amazing birthday party 😅
Agreed, although if that was me in that case I would probably not go at all than leave my child.
I lost my child when I was 5 months along. Suffered from ptsd, it's been more than 10 years now. I didn't know how to deal. couldn't hear or see any babies without breaking down. Out shopping, and there's a baby, leave. Watching a film, someone happens to get pregnant, change the channel. Finding out someone else was pregnant was heartbreaking.. Guess what I didn't want though? I didn't want to ruin anyone's happiness, I didn't want them to feel bad about being pregnant. If I could get myself out if a situation that made me uncomfortable, I would do just that. I never expected anybody to change anything about their lives, just because I was in a very bad place...The parents are the biggest AH in my eyes, they are enabling this behaviour. They should be really happy that you have a healthy baby, and the way they are handling this is wrong. I hope the sister gets the help she needs, and the parents get a clue.
As someone who was infertile for years, I understand a bit of how you're feeling. I hurt too, and I this is what I did - I went to baby showers, baptisms, I sent cards, presents, slapped on a smile, hugged them and congratulated them. Then, sometimes, I went home and cried in private. Because that's what decent people do. The world does not stop when you can't have a baby. It's so okay to feel what you feel. But this person - she's just a b***h.
I avoid showers etc and every announcement hurts, but I love my niece to the core and can't imagine not having a bond with her. Can't be a mother? At least I'll be the best aunt in the world. How evil and stupid would be to not have relationship with her just because of me not having a child. That's like double loss
Hugs to you all! I too am in the infertility club...after two miscarriages I couldn't bring myself to try anymore...I was fortunate that I married a man who has two beautiful children and I got to be a stepmom...they're grown and live on their own now...that being said I love kids and baby showers ect! I love spoiling other peoples kids cuz I'm the " cool aunt"! :)
I’m sorry for your loss and I’m glad you don’t think the world should stop spinning just to satisfy you either. The sister here needs help, I agree.
Very sorry for you loss
I understand the pain this woman has gone through. Sixteen years of infertility, testing, procedures, and three miscarriages - one in my fifth month of pregnancy. BUT...the truth is that life around you goes on, as it must. The world does not grieve with you, nor should their lives and joys be put on hold. This woman needs to work through her grief with a therapist, and the parents need to get a grip.
I'm sorry for your loss
I'm so sorry for you. When I think I have it bad for never being able to get pregnant, there is a story like yours that just shakes me to the core. Hope you healed and hope you have a child there near you to be the best aunt ever for them
If you're going to an event that's *about Julie* like her birthday dinner, or an event at her home, then not bringing your baby is a resonable request. Going to someone else's event, when they want the baby there, it's not reasonable for her to try and claim that space for her bubble of tragedy.
I'm in Julie's shoes, and I can't imagine a world in which I would ask my sister NOT to bring my niece to my birthday. How could I be punishing/ignoring a baby, that's like one of the closest blood relatives. I'd rather she would be the only one to come, we would have amazing birthday party 😅
Agreed, although if that was me in that case I would probably not go at all than leave my child.