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“I’m Not Coddling Her Anymore”: After Years Of Walking On Eggshells Around Her Childless Sister, This Mother Stands Up For Her Son
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“I’m Not Coddling Her Anymore”: After Years Of Walking On Eggshells Around Her Childless Sister, This Mother Stands Up For Her Son

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For women who dream of becoming a mother, it can be earth-shattering news to hear that it’s just not possible. The pain of experiencing a miscarriage is heartbreaking, and trying to have children for years without any success can take a huge toll on a person. Everyone heals from trauma in their own way, and it is understandable to have boundaries around triggering topics. But there comes a point where we have to realize that the world will not bend to our every whim.

One woman recently reached out on Reddit asking if she had been too harsh to her infertile sister after deciding that she was finished avoiding the topics of children and babies at all times. Below, you’ll find the full story that this new mother shared, as well as some of the replies from readers. Feel free to let us know your thoughts down below as well, but please, keep in mind that this is a sensitive topic for many people. And then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article discussing the lasting effects that miscarriages can cause, you can check out this story next. 

After years of coddling her infertile sister, this mother is wondering if she was justified in finally standing up for herself

Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: cottonbro (not the actual photo)

Image credits: openheartclosed

I can’t imagine the pain of losing a child or being unable to have any when you’ve always dreamed of having them. However, it is sadly quite common. In the United States, for example, about 9% of men and about 11% of women of reproductive age experience fertility problems, according to the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development. And even when a couple is able to get pregnant, the NHS estimates that about 1 in every 8 pregnancies will end in a miscarriage. 

I am sure that the sister in this story has been put through the ringer emotionally and physically, after having a miscarriage and being unable to have children of her own. That can be a very traumatic experience, as Tommy’s explains on their Baby Loss Support page. Following the loss of a baby, many women experience grief, shock, feelings of failure, guilt, emptiness, loneliness, confusion and jealousy. 

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And while no one would fault the sister in this story for having a hard time following her tumultuous path in trying to have children, there are much better ways to handle the pain than imposing rules on the rest of the family. An important part in healing from trauma is not to eliminate every single trigger in the world, (babies do still exist!) but to learn how to be exposed to them without having a meltdown. 

The parents should not be enabling their daughter to make demands for everyone else around her. They should be supporting her emotionally and helping her find a therapist who can actually help her get better. And as for the mother who posted this story, she should feel free to embrace the joy of new motherhood. She has no reason to feel guilty for having a son, and she should not feel the need to shield her sister from him for the rest of her life. Wounds within families can run deep, but especially when there is a new child around, the entirety of the family should come together with love, support and excitement for the newest member of the family.

We cannot spend the rest of our lives hung up on the pain of the past, and we cannot try to ruin our loved ones’ lives because something bad happened to us. I hope that the sister in this story seeks out therapy to work through her pain, and I hope that the mother stands by her decision to stop coddling. We would love to hear your thoughts down below as well, but again, please remember to be respectful as this is a sensitive issue. Many people have experienced the pain of losing a child, but I’m sure they did not all try to lose their sister as well.  

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Readers have overwhelmingly sided with the mother, saying that it’s unfair for the sister to take out her grief on the whole family

Some even opened up about their own painful experiences with infertility, noting that you can’t let it ruin your life

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nicopristine avatar
JustJackie
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I lost my child when I was 5 months along. Suffered from ptsd, it's been more than 10 years now. I didn't know how to deal. couldn't hear or see any babies without breaking down. Out shopping, and there's a baby, leave. Watching a film, someone happens to get pregnant, change the channel. Finding out someone else was pregnant was heartbreaking.. Guess what I didn't want though? I didn't want to ruin anyone's happiness, I didn't want them to feel bad about being pregnant. If I could get myself out if a situation that made me uncomfortable, I would do just that. I never expected anybody to change anything about their lives, just because I was in a very bad place...The parents are the biggest AH in my eyes, they are enabling this behaviour. They should be really happy that you have a healthy baby, and the way they are handling this is wrong. I hope the sister gets the help she needs, and the parents get a clue.

karenjohnston avatar
Louloubelle
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As someone who was infertile for years, I understand a bit of how you're feeling. I hurt too, and I this is what I did - I went to baby showers, baptisms, I sent cards, presents, slapped on a smile, hugged them and congratulated them. Then, sometimes, I went home and cried in private. Because that's what decent people do. The world does not stop when you can't have a baby. It's so okay to feel what you feel. But this person - she's just a b***h.

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tamrastiffler avatar
Tamra
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I understand the pain this woman has gone through. Sixteen years of infertility, testing, procedures, and three miscarriages - one in my fifth month of pregnancy. BUT...the truth is that life around you goes on, as it must. The world does not grieve with you, nor should their lives and joys be put on hold. This woman needs to work through her grief with a therapist, and the parents need to get a grip.

deborahbrett avatar
Deborah B
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you're going to an event that's *about Julie* like her birthday dinner, or an event at her home, then not bringing your baby is a resonable request. Going to someone else's event, when they want the baby there, it's not reasonable for her to try and claim that space for her bubble of tragedy.

makajhabanjjjak avatar
Makajha Banjjjak
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm in Julie's shoes, and I can't imagine a world in which I would ask my sister NOT to bring my niece to my birthday. How could I be punishing/ignoring a baby, that's like one of the closest blood relatives. I'd rather she would be the only one to come, we would have amazing birthday party 😅

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greenrider82 avatar
Rider
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It amazes me how many people make their emotions other peoples responsibility.

ev_1 avatar
E V
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Agreed. It's okay to have your feelings. They're valid. However, nobody should be forced to walk around on egg shells or change their life for you.

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insanitytwin1 avatar
JLN
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My brother and SIL struggled with infertility and trying to start their family for 16 years. Were they sad about not having their own children? Absolutely. Did it stop them from loving, and showing up for all their many nieces and nephews? Nope! Finally two years ago they adopted a beautiful baby girl and she has many older cousins to play with, spoil her and babysit, as well as many aunts, uncles and grandparents that spoil her rotten

ev_1 avatar
E V
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's great she ended up adopting as a result. Being pregnant and giving birth isn't the only way to become a mother. Plenty of foster and adopted kids out there if you're able to swing it. Not for everyone, but it's also an option. :)

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smi avatar
S Mi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A baby is an actual human being. I can't believe the family would treat it like some kind of object to be hidden out sight.

makajhabanjjjak avatar
Makajha Banjjjak
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also, from kid's perspective, that's a very shitty aunt that doesn't want to have anything to do with her nephew. This kid is being pushed away by very close relative and that's not acceptable.

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zselyke_szekely avatar
UpupaEpops
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

While OP is absolutely in the right, I think this conversation is so important to have. There never seems to be a genuine conversation about how those of us who have friends or family who is struggling with infertility could best help them. I watched my aunt. 10 rounds of IVF. Miscarriage after miscarriage. And she's a teacher. She switched over to high schoolers because she couldn't bare being around primary schoolers. She'd cross the road if she'd spot a stroller. Even just an ad would be triggering to her. And we were so helpless. There were absolutely no resources available in our language on how we could best support her. The sheer amount of blogs and articles I have read was insane. And obviously, we were focusing on my aunt, but her husband was also hurting. He also needed help. So yeah. Maybe if we could break down the stigma related to fertility and spontaneous miscarriage, and have honest, constructive conversations, that would be super helpful.

ev_1 avatar
E V
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree. There needs to be more talk and resources about miscarriages and infertility. It's a sad and unfortunate part of life, but they need the support and resources to help with the pain of the loss. I

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ivanakramaric avatar
Ivana Bašić
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would not be subjecting my child to an aunt and grandparents like that. Anyone that wanted me to pretend my kid didn't exist would not be welcome in our lives.

sophieknight avatar
Maiun
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm unable to have kids, my daughter was born to a surrogate, and I sympathise with 'Julie's' pain but she is being totally selfish and over the top. When my friends and relatives have kids I'm just so happy for them and that they didn't have to go through the pain of infertility. I love them , why would I want them to hurt? Julie is totally TA.

jenniferhildebrand avatar
Jennifer Hildebrand
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As someone who is childless not by choice I never expected the world to bend itself around me. It would be nice to have some accommodation sometimes and not be judged for skipping baby showers.

sweetangelce04 avatar
CatWoman312
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly if this is how she acts maybe it’s best she doesn’t have children. She needs therapy. NTA.

rogersmary523 avatar
Mary Rogers
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In addition to this woman getting therapy, she would also benefit from doing some volunteer work so she can see that there is in fact a lot of pain in the world. Not everything is about her and her suffering. She can use her pain to help others.. I say that as someone who has suffered from clinical depression and volunteer work has been another form of "therapy" for me.

bluegenes avatar
blue genes
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I sometimes think the only thing that really lightens the grief around my mom's death is being in the less than f_cking enviable position to enroll people in the less than f_cking enjoyable Dead Mothers Club. Do i get joy from my daughter and, now, my brand new son? Sure. But this happiness exists alongside my grief and, if i'm honest, every happy moment is less happy than i pretend. Being able to meaningfully prepare people who share my specific type of loss is genuinely helpful where absolutely nothing else has been. Stuff like knowing to check in on people when the condolences stop rolling in... and some dingbats seem to think we should be "over it"... makes me feel like there's one single benefit to what is otherwise unending pain. And to that end, not a single insight i've shared with anyone is revolutionary; just the difference between knowing a thing and actually understanding it.

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Casey McAlister
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. I understand that not being able to have kids when you really want to is probably frustrating, but her obsession is definitely not healthy. If she literally bursts in tears seeing a child or anything child-related, she needs help ASAP.

kristenr41 avatar
Kristen Motulewicz
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This "Julie" isn't the first, nor will she be the last, infertile woman on the planet. Acting like she is a horrendous way to treat others. What a selfish, selfish act. How is that poor child of the OP going to feel as he grows up having been treated as non-existent?!? What a terrible family.

nikki-bastian avatar
Nikki Bastian
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. This is like someone having a dietary restriction and trying apply it to everyone. Like if she can't have shellfish, NO ONE can have shellfish, ever. It's not cool. So it's very sad that she's dealt with fertility problems and the trauma of miscarriage, but her stance on you and your baby is petty and selfish. You deserve to have these lovely moments and memories of your baby shower and to enjoy his baby stage. Its a shame that your family members are enabling her toxic attitude. I hope she snaps out of it before your son is old enough to wonder why his aunt wants nothing to do with him.

jennifer_biness avatar
Jennifer Biness
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Too many don't understand that having boundaries does not dictate what others do, but what you do in response. Your "no babies boundaries" can look like not going to baby showers or not following someone who posts baby pics, it does not dictate what others must do to accommodate you.

kevinhickey avatar
Kevin Hickey
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nothing more annoying than people who center their whole lives around reproducing. Guess what? You're not special. The human race won't come to a screeching halt if your genes aren't passed on to the next generation. There are a LOT of children out there who need parents. If those children aren't good enough for you then you shouldn't be raising children in the first place.

iamknucks avatar
Iam Knucks
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I went through many years of infertility. It was by far the most emotionally devastating thing I've ever gone through. Every single month you get locked into a cycle of hope and then devastation. It's almost impossible to describe how tough it is unless you've been through it. I do sympathize with the sister. But the reality is, she has to prioritize the happiness of her family and friends over her own misery. Pretty much every single one of my friends got pregnant in the time my partner and I were struggling with infertility. It was very very difficult to celebrate somebody else's happiness. But we did it, because we genuinely love our friends and we knew it was a happy time for them. In return, they didn't bombard us with baby photos or baby related stories. We never set rules for it, they just knew it was difficult for us, and didn't want to hurt us. I hope these sisters can find a balance.

lisaj avatar
Lisa
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Instead of coddling her, Jule should have gotten into therapy. Like it's it so obvious she needs real help, instead of pretending her nephew and other children don't exist.

rickmills_1 avatar
rick mills
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA…..your entire family (with the exception of your aunt) however??……DEFINITELY a bunch of aholes. The best point made, for me was, when she asked if her sister were to become pregnant, would they all be expected to shower her sister with all the love and attention that her sister has refused to show to other people with kids

ev_1 avatar
E V
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If Julie were my sister and by some miracle or luck had a child, I would still try and make an effort to have a relationship with the niece/nephew, don't get me wrong. I don't believe in faulting kids on the choices and actions of their parents, especially if they're family. But being mistreated and told to hide my child away, I'm not going to pretend didn't happen or didn't hurt. Don't expect over the top treatment when you mistreated others during you misery.

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cfrye0808 avatar
Carriann Frye
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had a miscarriage 7 years ago. It was traumatic and I dealt with it the best way I knew how. Not once did I ever expect other people to change their plans or behavior just for me - that's ridiculous expect from anyone. This woman, Julie, needs therapy.

mikekozubski_1 avatar
DaFetus
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Her parent's obviously have a favorite child, as my mother would kill everyone to have her grand children with her, no matter if you're her child or not...once she is grandma the grand kids are life. So why does your son's grandma not want him around, would she be ok with your entire family not coming just so your sister could? Anyone who did this to my children would not be called family anymore, and I would remove them from my life. You are not the ah. You are a good momma, keep fighting for your son and teach him to be better then this.

pattyo_1 avatar
Patty O
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What's going to happen with your child and holidays and the more regular family get togethers?

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savannahyoung avatar
S
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I understand her grief but what she's doing is so damaging to her relationship with her sister and her nephew. I mean HE EXISTS. It's like she's trying to erase him. I hope she finds the closer she needs to move forward with her life without being so resentful towards the children who very much exist in her family.

cari_mcfar avatar
Carissa McFarland
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband and I too suffered from infertility. However, we did manage to have a son, who is 8 now. Don't think we'll ever get a chance at a second. I struggled a few years ago trying to accept not getting the second I really wanted. My SIL has had 4 now. The youngest two were hard on my emotions. I honestly skipped thanksgiving and Christmas with that side of the family because of how young they were. I didn't expect anyone to avoid children in their lives because of me. I managed to overcome my feelings and I love playing with the younger kids now. Her sister needs to find ways to have her boundaries without trying to control other people's lives.

juliechute avatar
Hoodoo
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Codependent much? OP's sister is in need of counseling as of yesterday. There's no way she'll be able to heal w/ everyone helping her continue the status quo which is to allow the sister to remain delusional. The current situation is dysfunctional as all hell- not healthy for anyone IMO

paulajwynn avatar
Paula Wynn
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What if she'd lost her husband? Would everyone else have to hide theirs? Your sister needs therapy, because life goes on. She's going to see children EVERYWHERE, so she needs to learn how to cope. She could adopt or become a foster parent. She could ALSO become a LOVING AUNT! My SIL couldn't have kids, but she ADORED mine & spoiled them rotten! They LOVED spending the night with her. They had a WONDERFUL relationship. The sister needs to realize that her life doesn't include having kids of her OWN, but it could still be full with other children in her life!

janinerandall avatar
Janine Randall
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've never been married. Does that give me the right to tell married women not to talk about their husbands, their weddings, etc. Julie needs some intensive therapy and Mom and Dad need to stop coddling Julie. BTW, what does her husband say about this?

daphneevans avatar
Daphne Evans
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There is a happy ending please read through. At 4 mos pregnant I was thrown from a car by my ex. The baby was killed instantly. Oh how my heart broke because I had felt him moving inside of me. I had to carry the dead fetus for 2 weeks to self miscarry. I couldn't have any more. I was so depressed. Then all the love for my baby just burst out of me. My nieces and nephews now adults tell me how they felt closer to me than their mother (she had 10). I don't remember but it makes me cry. I go to Cuba often and hold Christian inspiration conferences and here comes the my children. The parents call me Mama the babies call me Abuelita (little grandmother). My lap is full of babies. From complete tragedy to so many babies I can't hold them all. Fulfillment! Love is never selfish. Your sister must learn that.

yulia_yakovenko avatar
Yulia Yakovenko
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is fascinating how some parents use their children pain to make them disabled and dependent! Wounds need healing, not scratching, same Julie's pain needs therapy, not encouraging. And for the Gods sake, one miscarage, two years - it is not the helpless endless situation at all! She needs help to live her normal life and hope, not sinking in her grief! Parents are AH s who ruining their dothers lives for nothing.

shoshana248 avatar
Shoshana Sherrington
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just because that is what she wants doesn't mean that it is the approach that is right. I don't think her avoidance helps her cope at all. We are not always our own best doctors. In fact, usually not. She needs real therapy not self therapy

elenievdokaki avatar
Eleni
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA! You have every right to put your limits and not "obey" to her demands! I can't even begin to imagine how painful is for your sister, but it doesn't mean that everyone must suffer with her. First of all, if she truly loves you she should be happy for you! If it is not possible for her to have kids, she should face the reality and in time accept it, otherwise she will be miserable for all her life and make all people around her miserable to a point that she will end up alone. She should be glad that you have a child to whom she can give all her love and have him as her "own". I truly believe that deep down she likes being the victim and enjoys being the center of attention...

lachanr avatar
LayDiva in the Zone
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Again, the audacity of people continues to annoy and baffle me. I know that losing a pregnancy is hard, but sis is going beyond with her attitude towards her own nephew and the grandparents are condoning the bs? Forget about them and be proud of your blessing.

shoshana248 avatar
Shoshana Sherrington
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA so the ban will be lifted when Julie has a child and all older cousins will have to watch the younger batch enjoy things they were banned from? Your sister needs a therapist it does not sound like she's going to one. And she needs to engage more with children it'll be more helpful than she thinks I know many ppl trying to have kids who work at daycares and such BC it allows them a part of that parent experience

petemccann avatar
DrBronxx
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I cannot believe this. Not only the sister, but the parents as well. This woman's CHILD is basically a dirty little shame, and that is NOT a healthy environment to grow up in. For a long time, I was in the sister's position. I have three brothers, they all now have children. We've been trying for years, but with no success. Now, my wife has had problems sometimes seeing babies on FB or what-have-you, so she's taken social media breaks, but she would NEVER ask someone to change their behaviour because of this, and these feelings NEVER extend to our nieces and nephews, whom she's always happy to see/talk to. Thankfully, things are going well and she is pregnant now - we're in the fifth month. It has been a long and heartbreaking road, but it' OUR road; no-one else's. It should not affect the behaviours/habits of anyone else.

huggledemon32 avatar
Anna Stephenson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This seems like overkill to me- I have PCOS and other medical conditions that case me to be basically infertile. I was devastated at the time and still get emotional occasionally. However I am an Auntie to two kids that I adore, and I wouldn't miss knowing them for ANYTHING! I'm also an "Auntie" to my friends kids too. It isn't going to help her mental health in the long term, to just avoid ALL children!

stacymb21 avatar
Stacy B
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is beyond unfair to the OP/her child/partner not to mention just plain selfish of the family to be expected to follow these unrealistic demands. Julie definitely sounds like the golden child of a narcissistic mother. I know because I'm the black sheep and everything wrong in the world is my fault. This is so toxic and permanently damaging. Maybe its best for OP child to not know these people. I think a group therapy session with parents/Julie and OP is necessary. My Aunt was unable to have kids and guess what?.... she was a better Mom to me than my own mother and it remained that way until she passed. My Aunt also adopted a little boy. Julie does realize there's other ways to become a mother besides biologically right? I'm so sorry to those of you who lost a child or weren't able to conceive. Sending lots of love!

maxwatson1991 avatar
Max
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Obvious solution: Julie isn't allowed to bring herself to any event OP's son is attending. Her kid's welcome. This means Julie will have to leave the house if OP visits.

jo_aldham avatar
Jo Aldham
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Your sister is your son's aunt, and has the opportunity of building a loving relationship with him that would bring joy to her life. Is she expecting that all babies/children should be hidden from her view, just in case? Life has to go on, and your son, and any other offspring, have the right to be loved openly. He did not cause offence by being born.

alisaatherton avatar
Alisa Atherton
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Jesus ... The world doesn't revolve around her and her narcissistic ways. Your parents are enablers as well. I lost 3 children and never have I ever turned away my nieces and nephews. I love them. I finally was able to have one of my own and it was amazing. If anyone ever tried pulling that crazy s**t on me, they'd be blocked from my life forever, family or not. That's so toxic. Not to mention how childish and self entitled your sister is. The whole situation is mental.

luann_daniel avatar
Luann Maria
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I worry for any child she might have in the future, she seems to think she's number 1 above all, even babies, how quick will she get upset with her child when all the new baby attention stops and she has to do actual work, wouldn't be a surprise if your parents raising any child she has. Nobody right in the head treats a child this way.

rickicker avatar
Ricky Namara
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So it's now very clear that "Julie" is the OP parents' favorite child, because they are bending over backwards AND expecting others to do the same just so their precious one won't get hurt...while completely neglecting the fact that HOLY S**T!! YOU GOT TWO DAUGHTERS!! DOES HER FEELINGS NOT COUNT JUST BECAUSE SHE'S NOT MISERABLE!? WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?

mosher2001 avatar
Matt Mosher
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. The way the her parents play favorites with her sister is disgusting. As for the rest there's not much to say that hasn't already been mentioned. The op instincts are spot on.

tarsa13 avatar
CL Rowan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She wants to have a hissy fit every time a baby comes into view? Fine, but I hope she never has one until she learns better. God's knows what she would be teaching that child to become.

sindustrydesign avatar
Penny Kemper
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The sister is very childish. Because of that I don't think she needs a kid. Lots of women go through this and they don't act like this. Smh

rogierklop avatar
Roger9er
Community Member
6 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Putting someone away out of sight just not to hurt someone else's feelings?? Just because he exists?? Come on. NTA. Your sister is a bit and family are more though.

anjalijeter avatar
Anjalí Jeter
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The term 'boundary' in this particular context is misused a lot. A boundary is for the person setting it - it delineates what behaviour you personally find acceptable/unacceptable, and if someone's behaviour falls outside of that, it's what gives you the right to walk away. Whilst you can, of course, inform people they're stomping over your line, boundaries are not cudgels to beat other people into submission with. Other people are not required to limit themselves because you don't like or appreciate something.

iyelatu avatar
Iyelatu
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If her husband died, then will she and your mom never speak to your husband again?

topazdores avatar
PazDores
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Man. My sister had 3 miscarriages before she was able to have my nieces. She loved holding babies after the miscarriages because it reminded her that there's hope for a baby. Julie is outta touch with reality.

raven_16 avatar
Lemon_squeezy
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This woman needs therapy, and needs to learn that her problems are not everyone else's. They've accommodated her far too long, now she needs to woman up and take the steps she needs to heal. This is super abnormal behavior and unfair to op and her baby. Clearly ops parents have a favorite and least favorite child, but it's highly disturbing that EVERYONE is agreeing to act like their new bundle of joy doesn't exist for the sake of the sister. Like wtf? Strange unhealthy family, best wishes to ops sister for getting a therapist and help because even if she had a kid, she's clearly unfit to having a kid if she treats other people's babies like objects to hide away. And best of luck to op and her baby, I hope by now everything has been resolved. Also, there's this thing called a surrogate or adoption :) so many options thanks to modern technology or basic human empathy.

falcawing avatar
Falca Wing
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lost my first kid too so I know how it feels. But her sister should realise even more because of that how precious her nephew is and so should the grandparends. It's not like she's going to hide her kid until it's 18 if she's every lucky enough to be blessed with one as well. Your kid is previous and you don't need to hide it just because she can't deal with her feelings. She should find help to deal with her situation instead of hinding from it. That's never healthy.

lachanr avatar
LayDiva in the Zone
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Julie is dramatic and her family should've been let her know that while they felt sorry for her, babies are being born every minute. She should've gotten therapy. I wouldn't give a damn about anyone's feelings about my child. And I would cut anyone off who asked me to choose between my child or my sister, parents or not.

briank_2 avatar
Brian K
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't lmagian the pain of what that woman went through, but to make everyone else suffer because of her suffering is not going to change things. She could instead adopt a child that is not wanted by its own mother. Make a better life for that unwanted child, I think it may help to ease that pain and also know that doing so you made a better life for another and be proud by doing so. Sorry about my Grammer.

sonyaatencio avatar
SoñaSatiVa
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your sister is wallowing in her misery. She is trying to punish you because misery loves company. If she had a child she would probally teach it to be as selfish as her and your parents are suffering from guilty parent syndrome. Live your own life because you can't make others change you can only set an example. And your child is the one you have to worry about.

eyeamrha avatar
Kendra Cris
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well there's no narcissism in your family, because your sister got it all!!! What a manipulative b****. You are 100 percent entitled to validation too. And here's the kicker. Because she is barren she is going to absolutely despise anything that has to do with procreation. She needs help. I have two sons, one has given me grandchildren but the other and his wife are choosing to not bring a life into this messed up world. I was disappointed but totally respect their choice. However they are all about smothering their niece and nephew with love and attention. Maybe your sister will eventually realize what she is missing out on by distancing herself from your son. She needs to figure out how to take her passion for having a child and give it to one in need. But she'll never have a chance at being a mother if she doesn't lose the attitude she bastilles upon children now.

zenithzephyr avatar
Zenith Zephyr
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This pis prove than child mostly just accessories for parents and gosh how narc some people truly are. There are many babies to love even it's not their bio baby plenty to adopt to... But it's not the same because it's not theirs? Human is not a property but sure children are to their parents.

androgynylunacy avatar
Androgyny Lunacy
Community Member
10 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel like this just gave me a lot of insight. My aunt couldn't have kids, maybe that is why she was so flaky and never there for us or my cousins. The worst thing about her: She tried to tell my mom how to parent. I do not like when non-parents try to tell parents how to parent and how not to. And then when my sister died, she acted like that was her child dying, when like I said, she was flaky and never around. She had a few positive life experiences with her. And sorry if I am the a*****e, but why can't the people who are unable to have children adopt?? I feel like it is extremely narcissistic to want a child only from your own body. Why can't they go bring home and love a child when there are so many unwanted ones out there?... Would they be unconditionally loving parents if they did have their own child? :/ And people say adoption is expensive, but not if you foster and then adopt. It seems really selfish to supposedly want a child so badly, but when you have the option not want to raise one that doesn't come from your own body...

ajones_1 avatar
A Jones
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The parent's of the two gals are TA also, they're enabling toxic behavior instead of assisting with recommending therapy for Julie. They're promoting ALIENATION of a new family member instead of WELCOMING them to the family.

michelle21640 avatar
Michelle Slater-Bearden
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m a therapist who works, in part, with trauma and loss. I’m not saying I’m an expert, but I think about these things often. I don’t think it’s healthy to live..to really LIVE fully from fear and loss and trauma. I have a friend who was abused as a child, and she recently told me she had informed her teenage son that he would NEVER be allowed to have a sleepover at a friend’s house…ever. I raised this idea with my friend about the idea of parenting our children from a place of fear and trauma. I feel that childhood can be such a magical time…parenting a child is no less magical. (Not saying it is easy)Sharing our beautiful child with friends and family is part of living! It’s worth celebrating. I wonder if you can really have a sit down with your sister and talk about this. Bringing your child doesn’t mean you don’t care…but we can’t celebrate a birthday or life or holidays from a place of fear and pain amd loss. That’s not a celebration. Your little needs their aunt AND your pare…

jordisharpe avatar
Jordi Sharpe
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA: Someone else's pain and trauma is not your responsibility. You have been more than patient, but she has to get f*****g real. Children are everywhere. She has to adjust or she's in for a life of misery.

sindustrydesign avatar
Penny Kemper
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Seriously in my family we'd say we understand her pain but she needs to move on. And 5 years isn't that long if you were on the pill before.

hhhcubed avatar
hhh cubed
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And she was pregnant but miscarried 2 years ago. So it is not a black and white infertility issue either.

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chukabraham-igwe avatar
Chuk Abraham-Igwe
Community Member
6 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am absolutely flabbergasted by your sisters unhealthy- and frankly immature...overreaction, and the extent your parents have gone to enable and support this. She clearly needs professional help ASAP. At risk of sounding insensitive, bad things happen in life and will continue to happen. Do we then cast the world into darkness until we can smile again? How selfish! Honestly, your parents reaction is not only damaging to your sister in the long run, it is entirely destructive of family...and they should know better. It is sad when bad things happen, but worse when we can never get ourselves to be happy for others. So, whilst I understand the pain your sister must have around children, I can never understand or excuse this. It's like the stories in children's story books where the evil witch casts a spell on all because of her misery! We must never condone that. So, I'm afraid standing up to your sister and parents is the only sensible and adult thing to do. They can thank you later

crunchtastic1948 avatar
crunchtastic1948
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Jesus Christopher, infertility is not a new concept. Sometimes it's temporary, sometimes it isn't. What it surely is, is something that each individual needs to work their way through. The replies I've seen here indicate most women find their way. Some eventually do become mothers, some must be satisfied with filling the role of everyone's favorite aunt-the fun one, the bonus mom. These can fill part of the hole, not all of it, but sometimes that has to be enough. The OP has a cherished child. If Julie and the grandparents can't handle that, they can bug right off. When they get to the sign that says further bugging off is forbidden they can climb over it and keep right on bugging off. I wish OP every happiness in life.

nicolettemeyer avatar
Nicolette Meyer
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't have kids. So what. I had. Y furbabies. Didn't object to kids. Read to the neighbour's kids. Had his family round. Big deal. Get over it. Sister is aa selfish girl and way too sensitive.

glenmacleod avatar
Glen MacLeod
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I could not have children. I found out in college. I was working and going to school and the disappointment didn't hit me until my forties. In my fifties I felt the full pain and emptiness. My plans to adopt were cancelled by the need to care for an older sibling. But, no regrets now. I never to put boundaries up to children or other people. In fact the only thing that bothered me were rude people who asked why I didn't have children. In fact, life has taught me that getting what we want doesn't always make us happy. This sibling is engaging in attention seeking behavior by asking the whole world to stop. It's about her, not a missed child. If it were about a child, she would strive on or adopt.This sister needs counseling.

ellenranks avatar
Diolla
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The problem with Julie is that she seems to have built her entire peronality and life about this. Infertility is who she is now. Have seen this happen to ppl who had traumatic experiences in life before. Yes she needs some serious therapy.

kaimana789 avatar
Pumpkinpi
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m sorry but why can’t Julie adopt? Why does it have to come out of her to be her child? I’ve know families who could t have children and ended up adopting and those kids were spoiled just as much as a biological child.

susieevans avatar
Susie Evans
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Julie acts like she's the only woman on the planet who, except for a miscarriage, been unable to conceive and her parents ate enabled this sick attitude. They're all being unfair to the OP and also to anyone having any kind of gathering by trying to control the guest list, telling that they can't invite children under a certain age. It makes me wonder if they also insist that pregnant women must be excluded as well. What really takes the cake, though, is the OP's mother trying to forbid her from having a baby shower. I'd be sorry tempted to tell the parent that, until Julie is willing to be around my child they aren't allowed to see him, either. Julie needs therapy and the parents need backbone implants.

welcow0521 avatar
Kristina Cowan
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA I'm not able to have children but enjoy being around them and am so happy for my sister in law for having a baby, I love being an aunt. I feel like this childless woman needs some help with her loss but her family is not really helping.

ashleydennis avatar
Ashley Dennis
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My sister lost her daughter a little over a year later I got pregnant with my daughter and it hurt her but she is the best auntie ever and now has two sons. You would think this Julie would want a close relationship to what could be closet she will ever be to having a baby that's what my sister did. I know suffer from infertility due to a disease and I always wanted the big family and I am close to every baby that is born around me.

leslieharris_1 avatar
Leslie Harris
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA, I couldn't have kids, and 5 years ago had to have a hysterectomy. Yes it hurt to see babies and pregnant people after finding out, but I didn't go to these extremes.

dianabarton avatar
Diana Barton
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We struggled for years to have a child. Miscarriage, failed adoptions… finally had a daughter, whose oldest son died at 5 days old from a rare disorder. Through all the years before my daughter’s birth, I knew several women like the sad sister in the original post, too injured to see beyond their misery. I decided that I did not want to be that person. I didn’t want to lose friends because they had kids, or cut off ties with family. I didn’t want to lose MY CHANCE at sharing their joy. I certainly didn’t want them to have that joy tarnished. Yes it was hard. Yes I went home and cried. Yes I walked out of stores when shopping. Not because of babies. But why oh why are the plus size clothes always next to maternity? No living child doesn’t mean no pregnancy weight But how much harder to have chosen misery? To choose to always be aside from the lives of those around me? I still mourn the tiny ones growing up in heaven. But I also embrace joy.

ev_1 avatar
E V
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I lost my dad almost 5 years ago. Should I ban everyone who has a dad still alive from my life since mine is gone? That's how ridiculous it sounds. Sister needs to get therapy. Parents need to stop enabling her. Bad things unfortunately happen, but life moves on regardless. It's not fair to you and it's not fair for them to have your aunt uninvite the child so that she can attend. You can't put your life on hold because some people like the attention of being miserable. The kid exists now and she needs to figure out how to live with him, not have him excluded from family functions.

icecreamsarang avatar
Icecream Sarang
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m fortunate that I’m fertile. I have 4 kids. I was able to easily get pregnant on my 40s 3 times. But, I also suffered a loss with that first pregnancy at 41. It doesn’t go away. I got so mad at everyone around me having reproductive success where I failed. I didn’t expect anyone not to tell me or be excited. I didn’t demand my sister stop bringing her kids around. I didn’t isolate myself. My loss and pain should never be the focus and take from someone else’s joy.

blovins316 avatar
Bracken
Community Member
12 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can’t have children and it has been a devastating loss. One I haven’t been able to fully come to terms with. But let me say, those rules are stupid, ridiculous and selfish! Julie sounds like a spoiled brat and it sounds like it’s because of your parents who support these ridiculous rules and coddle her and her sense of entitlement. Further more, I’m assuming because of these rules she hasn’t even seen your baby? That’s her nephew! I LOVE my sisters’ children! This situation is just mind boggling to me. Your sister needs to get over herself and she needs to see a therapist.

karenlb26 avatar
Karen Bird
Community Member
12 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I lost my baby to cancer when I was 6 months pregnant. It was his anniversary a few days ago. I still grieve for him and wonder what if but what I don't do is punish other people for having babies! I have a son and a grandson now whom I love dearly but it still doesn't stop the grief. Julie needs to get over herself, grow up and remember that the earth revolves around the sun - not her!

ldaul521 avatar
Linda Daulby
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have never had any children because i was real bad with my health and could not conceive my sisters and my brothers wives had children, it did upset me at first but i learned to live with it even baby sat them and i love them so much. I am now an aunt, a great aunt, and also a great great aunt at the age of 62. At first everyone was saying our Linda will be upset with us but like i said the first one i was upset with, but as the other ones came along i never had a problem i was getting excited as they were.

dpopknight avatar
Diane Knight
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's a new perspective, those women with health issues, that a doctor tells not to get pregnant. Truly heartbreaking if that's the one thing you looked forward to growing up is marrying and having a family. Those couples need to find a different path to achieve that goal. May it be thru a surrogate or adoption, if there's a will, there's a way. It's equally sad if the pregnancy causes the death of the mother, yet the baby survived.

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hrgg-london avatar
Ada L.
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As someone who is infertile (because of 2 medical issues) I have come to accept that I will never have a child, but I took the opposite view of OP's sister. I shower my cousins' kids with love, it brings me joy to buy baby shower gifts, Christmas gifts, & birthday gifts. At family events I often offer to hold my cousins' babies so that they can grab some food and eat, or push them on the swings so the parents can have a break, or read stories to them etc. It hurts when people ask "why don't you have a child?", or "when will you have kids?", etc. Or even question why certain relationships ended (some guys know that they want kids of their own & that's okay, it just means that I am not the person for them). My close family members know the reasons and are supportive & even protective of me in those instances. At one family event when an older family friend would not let up about what a great mom I would be & how I needed to have kids my cousin stepped in and told her to leave me alone.

evelyn_haskins_7 avatar
Evelyn Haskins
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would cut that sister out of my life. I've done it with one sister (for different reasons, I got sick of her lies and meanness). The sister should be happy for her, as should her parents.

leahsahaas avatar
Leahsa Haas
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Julie" needs MAJOR therapy! I had two miscarriages after my son was born and wouldn't have (and didn't) expect the world to stop because of it. Your sister sounds like she's an attention wh*re to be acting this way. It does hurt to go through this, but I had a son (that took over 5 years to conceive) to take care of and raise. Some people may not like what I'm about to say, but Julie sounds like too much of a selfish baby to raise a child. God forbid anyone else should get more attention than her; any child of hers would definitely suffer in the long run. She's the AH!

beccakuehn avatar
Becca Kuehn
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Definitely NTA! I do understand that your sister is dealing with real emotional pain. She needs therapy to learn how to deal with this issue. You should not be expected to hide your sweet little boy from her. He deserves to be included in family functions. Your sister and parents are being cruel to you and your son.

melissajgunnels avatar
Melissa J
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Definitely N..T...A. I've been on both side dealing w/infertility and suffering a miscarriage into my 2nd trimester. It was hard to see others get pregnant when I wanted to be so badly. It was sad to see babies that were born when my baby WAS due. I had to learn to be with it because that's life. If you dont deal with it you shut yourself and those around you out. Her sister needs help and her parents need to stop enabling her behavior. It's not fair to punish her sister with a baby because of her trauma. Once her sister has a child then that's all different. Her parents are also treating their new grandson horrible by saying he can't be there. It's not easy to move on after miscarriage. I still think about my Angel to this day. He would be 23 this year but with time I've accepted it and w/ a 30% chance had 3 more sons now 17, 10 & 9. They know about Angel 👼 and what he means to me. Going back to the woman I'm glad she stood up 4 herself & her son. 👏 She needs her parents support 2.

libby6 avatar
Stargazer66
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Shame on OPs family for coddling snowflake Julie instead of insisting she seek therapy.

schlenkerkl avatar
Monique Rosewood
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've had two miscarriages over the last few years and there might be a chance of not being able to have my own children. My aunt gave birth the week after I lost my second and no one announced it to me because I had just lost a little girl. They were well meaning and honestly I wouldn't have been able to go and see them if they had told me but I never would have held it against them. It can be very hard after losing them to be around anyone with babies but once you allow yourself to grieve, it's much easier.

kellieannhart avatar
Kellie Eastman Hart
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Definitely NTA! I lost 5 babies, 3 of them were big enough to hold in my arms. It seemed as if everywhere I went after that, there were babies everywhere I looked. I have PTSD from my losses and although I did decide to not go to baby showers for a little while, I did NOT try to push my trauma onto others. Your sister is jealous. End of story. Yes, miscarriage and infertility is HARD. But to try to pretend her own nephew doesn’t exist is hurtful and wrong. She can certainly decide for herself if something is too painful to attend, but to deny your son from being at family functions is unacceptable. She needs therapy and fast! What will happen if/when she is past fertility age?? Is your son just supposed to stay hidden? She will have to come to terms with it at some point but everyone coddling her like that will just prolong it even more. You don’t need her permission to bring your son to family functions, I would just bring him. Your son could grow up thinking no one wants him around!

nblasco avatar
Natalie Blasco Cintron
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

25 years ago, We got married all in a rush because we needed to start fertility treatments. I had a couple of miscarriages but never was able to have a live birth. My sisters allowed me to be a huge part of my nephews’ lives and, because of that, the pain of not having my own has been dulled. My nephews all say that their children will have six grandparents. What a blessing.

tracypaints44 avatar
Tracy Rowe
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was never able to have kids, though I desperately wanted to. Now in my 60s that's clearly not on the table. My sister had my niece when she was 18 and I helped raise her. She's grown now and has kids, my brother has twins and I adore them all. I can't imagine what my life would have been like without them and I would never have dreamed of shutting them out because of my pain. "Julie" is hurting herself by missing out on the joy of being part of her nephew's life and any possible future kids. She is clearly grieving and her pain is valid, but she absolutely needs therapy.

omarmartnezolvera avatar
Om
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

that's a very stupid and childish (no punt intended) way to deal with her problem, not just from her but from the parents too. When one is uncomfortable with whatever: kids, animals, etc, then it's you who take the decision to go or not to go if they're gonna be present in a place or event that is not yours, you don't go forcing other people to commit to your absurd requirements.

christa avatar
Christa Neves
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As I read this, all I could think of is the story of the Wisdom of Solomon and the two women who both claimed the same baby. The one wanted what was best for the child while the other wanted "fair". I had the thought that in this case, to be "fair" to "Julie", why didn't mom and dad tell OP that she needed to abort her baby because it's "not fair" for her to have what her sister wanted? I'd like to think that they'd realize the ridiculousness of such a suggestion, but the selfishness shown makes me think "Julie" would be all over that idea.

daniandshali avatar
Bridget Kielas-Fecyk
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. I learned in my 20's that I am untreatable and infertile. My condition is due to a genetic disorder. I was, admittedly, upset. I cried for weeks. My sisters all had kids, and I didn't. I felt robbed. But, after a while, I realized that, though I cannot have children, I have nieces and nephews to cherish, and I can enjoy the time I get to spend with them. Now, in my late 40's I have no regrets. I love those young men and women, and am very proud of them. And my family and I are still close. OP's sister needs grief counseling, and yes, people need to stop coddling her. It's time to heal and grow. Or she's going to end up permanently bitter.

rawcopnyc avatar
Mike Huntly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What’s stopping Julie and husband from adopting? The sense of entitlement is strong on that skank… Her husband will cheat on her whiny a*s and have a bastard out if wedlock and then marry the mistress. 😂

dodsonmichelle avatar
Celtic Pirate Queen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My former sister in law would throw temper tantrums if her Mother & I started talking about the upcoming wedding Little hard to plan without talking, so leave the room. For context she was an incredibly unattractive, overweight, RABID Jehovah's witness who, at 28, had never even been on a date. I felt sorry for her - at first. She tried preaching (or testifying, IDK) JW rhetoric to my 4 year old, telling her it was a sin to celebrate Christmas or birthdays. I lost it and said some very unkind things to her, which I do not regret. She made everything about her and her lack of a man or children. STFU

lisachambers2018 avatar
Salty Wild Hair
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When did she get to dictate what everyone does, says, and decides to do with their own child? If my parents asked me to limit what I post about my own children, that would mean I would hear, post more photos of my own children. How dare they.

vickicunningham avatar
Vicki Cunningham
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like she enjoys wallowing in her sorrow and misfortune. Surprised the mother isn't providing any sensible guidance. Perhaps that is how she became this way.

evelyn_haskins_7 avatar
Evelyn Haskins
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You do NOT have to put up with XXXXXXXX from anyone. It is NOT your fault if your sister has no children. I would think she should be happy for you.

sussanmercurio01 avatar
Susan Mercurio
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My daughter acted the way that the sister did, only it was her little brother, my son. Finally, when he was 5 years old and in kindergarten, my daughter came to me and made a snide remark about "sending him back where he came from," and I had it. I told her to go look at him; he was 5 years old and in school. He wasn't going anywhere and it was time for her to get over it. Then I told her that she was not allowed to say anything like that ever again in my house. And she didn't.

jaynemcelwee avatar
Jayne McElwee
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think this articles reveals our strong societal bias and privileging of motherhood at any cost. When a child is born, we celebrate it. When a child dies, we outwardly mourn with the parents. When a women suffers pre-term loss, her grief is largely alone, silent and silenced (as this article so successfully demonstrates by siding with the mother from the start). I endured 6.5 years of infertility and multiple pre-term losses. The grief is intense and the loneliness and ostracization are real, especially in our pro-natal world. I'd argue that everyone in this story lacks empathy. There are multiple truths here all worthy of compassion, not just another mother.

jaynemcelwee avatar
Jayne McElwee
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Part if the problem is that the sister has to navigate a society that holds the same innate and built-in pro-natal beliefs as this article: that motherhood should be privileged at all costs. This article sides with the mother from the start, which doesn't exactly position readers to try and understand or empathize with anyone BUT the mother. I suffered through 6.5 years of infertility with multiple miscarriages along the way. It was utterly devastating. I had no concept of self left, I felt completely ostracized by society and people around me who were all falling pregnant and continuing their desired journeys into an through motherhood. When babies are born, we celebrate them. When a child dies, we all outwardly mourn with those parents. When a women loses a baby pre-term or experiences the most intense grief because of infertility, her grief is usually silent and silenced (as this article so successfully demonstrates). Both parties here lack empathy, but both for fair reason.

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Crystal Hunter
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

WOW! I am an older sibling who cannot bear children. I had a miscarriage when I was young, and then due to a heart condition I had a hysterectomy well before I was 30. When my brother and his wife were expecting their first they were afraid to tell me fearing that I would take it hard. That hurt me more than any jealousy could’ve. I love my nephews more than anything. I could not imagine missing out on their lives!! I am sorry you’re going through this. While I know I would not be where I am today without therapy, I still cannot fathom holding a grudge against my own flesh and blood like that. I hope your sister gets the help she clearly needs and that your family can mend the tears this has caused everyone.

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Danielle Edwards
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Totally agree with everyone re. Therapy. I went when I realised it hurt to find out my sister was pregnant. My nephews (all three of them now!) Are such a joy to me. I hope this woman can work through her pain and enjoy her nephew.

marymoreck avatar
Mary Moreck
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The sister is incredibly immature and the parents are in denial because they perceive the sister as the "golden child." Don't get nasty, but don't engage in this cycle anymore. I had a miscarriage and reacted like many women in the comments (and still do). But your sister has no right to punish you, or any other family members, for having a child. Make no mistake, that's what she's doing. Offer her and your parents help (suggest therapy), if they don't accept it's on them. I have a feeling the remaining family will fall on your side immediately, but no one wanted to make the first move.

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Cassi Lyris
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Being unable to allow other people to be happy simply because you want it means you need therapy, not a child. And before anyone comes for me I know FULL WELL what losing babies is like. Your sadness does not mean no one else around you gets to be happy.

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Megan Delgado
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A niece/nephew is the closest thing imaginable to having your own children. It's so crazy that because Julie can't have her own she's missing out on a very similar experience. You can be as close to the kids as you like. It's up to the adult. I was so involved with my sister's first child that I had nightmares that he was actually mine and she stole him from me.

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Miranda Daugherty
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Survivor of 3 miscarriages and one abortion out of medical need, ended up taking the route of Voluntary Childless Lifestyle. It took me 5 years to be able to be around children again, including My friends kids who I love very much. It sounds like your sister is making her problems your problems and needs serious help. I took it upon myself to avoid situations where I would get triggered but I had no hard feelings if the "party went on without me" your sister needs to grow up and take responsibility for healing her trauma and not drag everyone else down with her. There are some midwives who offer counseling for abortion and miscarriage recovery, I highly recommend relaying that information to her and get her started

rflash66 avatar
Randy Gordon
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is ridiculous. My God, adopt a child! Nobody should have avoid talking about their child. I am not a woman, but I never had children. I would never treat anyone like that. I wish that I could have been a father, but it just did not happen. I certainly would not punish others for it.

seniljd avatar
Jesse Lines
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The childless sister needs to seek psychological help. I have a brother and SIL that tried to have children unsuccessfully. I have no doubt this caused them great pain and I know they would have been great parents. They have many nieces/nephews and [in my opinion] spoil all of them. They have housed many foreign exchange students through the years that they remain in contact with. It's not the cards you're dealt but rather how you play them.

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Ronnette Lewis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I blame the parents for most of this! It sounds to me like this girl knows just how to get her way with Mommy and Daddy! Personally I don't think she is even mature enough to have a child. She needs to handle this in a positive way before she can even think about raising a functioning human being herself. I understand her pain because I've been there but she has to start excepting other children and other women who happen to be pregnant to begin the healing process. Children even if they are not your own have a way of lifting one's spirits. I feel sad for the Mother who is dealing with this, I mean really? 3 people at your shower from your family? This is heart breaking! Your Sister may be hurting but she and the rest of most of your family are selfish! They are so worried about hurting her that they forgot that you have feeling's too. Don't give in!

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A falz
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA I lost 3 pregnancies early stages and then a hysterectomy at 31. Understand the pain. But what happens when your sister sees a baby commercial do they turn it off or sell the TV so she won't have to watch it. If she goes out the front door do they ring a bell thru the neighborhood telling people to take the kids inside. Does she go grocery shopping and tells the mgrs to clear out all kids. Same with retail shopping. If there's a billboard with babies on it do your parents call the company to have it removed so she doesn't see it. Your sis and parents demands on you and your lovely family are way out of line. Honestly they all need therapy. Go to events with your family. I think I would stop going to your parents events since you aren't welcome with your son. It might be a good idea to go nc. They seem to be extremely toxic.

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Cory Willson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why are people such narcassists they have to have a mino version of themselves when there are countless children who need good homes you could raise instead? It baffles the mind.

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Vickie Kriewall
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Having had the experience of infertility I understand the loss the sister feels. What I can not understand is her totally unreasonable demands of everyone around her and especially don’t get the grandparents. My response to all of them would be ….So why don’t I just give up MY child for adoption so you all can avoid actually having to even acknowledge his existence, much less welcoming him as the precious gift that he is. While my husband and I were going through the heartbreak of infertility we were happy and joyous about each and EVERY new pregnancy and births given to family and friends. The sister and parents need to be removed from this little boy’s world until they can appreciate and love him wholeheartedly.

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AngelWingsYT
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your sis needs therapy bad if she is THIS opposed to anything to do with childern. She cant even be around her own neices/nephews? Refuses to allow them to be a recognized part of the family? She needs to talk to a therapist asap

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Ashley Sigurdson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I lost my son an hour after he was born. Life doesn't stop. It's insane that they expect this from people.

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Annette Makepeace
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

FFS! I have had 17 miscarriages during $75000 of IVF, we never got to have a baby nor could be adopt after all our money was gone. I have 23 nieces and nephews. Not one of them has to be hidden away, I am godparent to 5 of them. she needs to get therapy.

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Thatkamloopsguy
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The only response that should be given to Julia when she goes off about your son is, YOU NEED TO GET HELP, and then walk away.

deebee_1 avatar
dee bee
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's the universe for you! She'll never be rewarded with motherhood when she treats other people's children like garbage. She has the opportunity to have a child (her nephew) in her life, and resents his existence. She shouldn't be allowed around children tbh.

kementiri avatar
Liz Pirelli
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She sounds neurotic and enabling her isn't going to help her in the long run. She doesn't have to attend any of the events surrounding children so she can just stop overreacting. Other people are allowed to experience their own own joys and celebrations without being made to feel guilty.

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Brittanie McDonell
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't have kids, I've had 2 miscarriages and both almost killed me like physical death kind of almost almost killed me. I would never treat me siblings like this. I couldn't imagine making something joyful all about my loss. Her sister need to grow up and stop acting like everything is about her. Her parents are just as bad. I'd be no contact in a heartbeat.

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Rees Tagh
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds as though, Julie has gone beyond grief and needs some help adjusting to ordinary treatment, if she was on a train or aeroplane, and a pregnant woman sat beside her or something, would she go nuts? Urm, because, while she has an excuse for the behaviour, it doesn't excuse the behaviour, said with kindness 🥰

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Catherine Heiby
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband & I couldn't have children so we adopted but spent 5 yrs as a childless couple before receiving our first child. Even after adopting, pregnancies, breastfeeding, baby showers & such were & are still painful but it's my problem & I never expected anyone to coddle me, walk around me on egg shells, avoid conversations or not invite me to things...I think the childless sister needs to grow up some, quit being such a baby & press forward, I think the sister who can have children needs to live out loud & quit silencing her joy!

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Phebe Harris
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow!! Just Wow, this is an heartbreaking story. There is know way I would have put up with her actions that long. I can understand her a little just a little with her pain, but your parents are the ones that are critically putting her into a state of resentment of people and their children and it's the worse because that is your sister. I believe if your parents were being truthful parents they would help her instead of enabling her to heal through her pain.

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Sherie Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had 10 miscarriages over 26 years. They hurt and it was hard being around children. I never once told others to accomodate my pain. Was I jealous of others and their children - hell yes! Did I expect them to pretend their children didn't exist - hell no! They are tiny human beings and need the love and attention. I gave them that even when it hurt. I know have 2 beautiful children and they are treated with love and attention just like other children. Miscarriages hurt. You're whole world ends when the child you dreamed of sharing the world with doesn't make it past 10 weeks. They had a heart beat but then my immune system would attack them. Don't be too hard on women who are struggling, not everyone can compartmentalise their emotions, but this woman of this post needs therapy 100% to be able to handle being around her nephew who deserves her love

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Christi O'Connor Carter
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I understand her pain. I have had two miscarriages. But I have kids. I feel like if you really really want kids, you will find a way. She could be a foster mom and help others. She could adopt. She could go to the Dr and see if meds or even IVF is an option. I hate that she's in pain. But isn't right how she is treating her sister and nephew! And for the mom to ask not to have a baby shower... Are you kidding me?! Or not be excited and proud, shouldn't announce it on Facebook?! Hardly anyone showed up to her baby shower from the family.. Anyone in that family supporting that nonsense should be ashamed! He is family and she shouldn't have to walk on egg shells.

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Alexis Dominey
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA, neither is your sister, but she could get therapy and come to terms that she can't have children of her own. Maybe one day adopt or foster. Her and the family that sides wit her behavior is not healthy. The ones enabling her behavior are the AHs.

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Mary Wiseman
Community Member
1 year ago

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Joshua Shamblin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The sister is a weak minded snow flake. Is it sad she had a miscarriage, sure... But there are plenty of kids out there who need adopted. So instead of acting like an entitled cry baby, suck it up and apply to adopt a kid who is in desperate need for a mom. Now if what I'm saying seems cold and mean... The truth usually is.

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Patty O
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's very sad people are in such relationships that all they focus on is having a bio kid. Like you said there are plenty to be adopted. Before we got married we talked about having kids and that when we chose to if we couldn't we would adopt not dragg it out trying. I'm loving my kids generation that are bold enough to say yes we can have kids but we're going to adopt because there are so many kids that need a loving home, and why add to the overpopulation.

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S
Community Member
1 year ago

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Coffee panda
Community Member
1 year ago

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Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she wants a child so bad she could adopt one but I guess she belongs to the majority of people who only care for bio kids

jencasey_1 avatar
Jen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Adoption isnt easy particularly if you want a newborn and it isnt the save all people seem to think. I had numerous cousins we learned were adopted in HS (on both sides of the family) since only the older adults knew they were adopted they werent treated any different than the rest of us, and thier parents ONLY had adopted children so no behind closed door favoritism either. Every single one left at 18 to find thier (in thier words) "real" families, hurting everyone left behind - a couple came back into contact much later but only tangentially and only with the cousins treating us more like school friends than family. The majority of the friends I have that were adopted did similar things, some waiting until they were married (and adoptive parents had paid for lavish weddings) to start ghosting them. All admitted there was no mistreatment when I asked them, they just didnt feel connected and when they had thier own biokids they did feel a connection to them and thier spouses' families.

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David Brown
Community Member
1 year ago

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As a manwhohas wanted to be father and have not been able to I am on the side of "Julie". People with kids don't realise just how painful it is to those who want kids but can't have them to have parent constantly rubbing in the fact they have kids. Whilst I am not saying that it is wrong to be happy about having kids, parents need to be respectful of the feelings of people like "Julie". They need to stop and consider how they would feel if roles were reversed and they were the one unable to have children.

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Jen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Going to a family party with your child who was INVITED, posting a brief announcement on your own Fb page and having a baby shower are not "rubbing it in someone's face". I am also childless not by choice and it is on ME not my loved ones to avoid those things if they are too tough for me. OP isnt asking her sister to watch her child, calling her specifically to talk about the vhild or directly sending her pictures - that would be rubbing it in her face. She is merely existing with a child and expecting him to be treated like a human being by others, bringing him where the host wants to see him. It is not on her or anyone else to change thier lives so Julie feels no pain. I dont follow my cousins online or go to events where they are because one of them has kids that she never wanted (conservative religion, husband wanted them so she "had" to have them for him per thier church), but I would never tell her she cant bring them (nor do I tell them that is the reason I avoid seeing them).

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Diane Knight
Community Member
1 year ago

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I think this is more 'click-bait' as when my son was 3, that would have made my dad in his upper 50s and his older sisters (2) barely into their 60s. The point is this 'aunt's birthday is 70. I will be 64 at the end of the month and already a grandma and even a great-great-aunt. Yeah, my niece is a grandmother herself. So even my dad's other sisters would have been in their 40s- 50s when me & my siblings were having children. So this is questionable.Jest my take on the 'story' truthfulness. No doubt there are folks who are truly going thru this themselves, but I wouldn't 'advise' this woman because it is most likely a fiction story to sell. I'd bet a lot of folks have found those stories that ended with the column saying it was a story and the characters are that of the author's imagination.

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Patty O
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not every family is the same. Knew someone that all three kids are a decade apart, so think 30-40-50, so 50 could be a grandma and 30 could just be starting to have kids. My husband older brother and sister are now grandparents but their youngest sibling still has kids who are 13-15-17. So the ages don't make the story untrue or less believable.

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Jay Phillips
Community Member
1 year ago

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As a liberal, I say she should have aborted her son for her sisters sake. Everyone knows that abortion is ok and saves lives right? Right?

pattyo_1 avatar
Patty O
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you were a true liberal and not a troll, you would say why doesn't the sister adopt now and move forward with life, and take responsibility for a child someone didn't want that in foster care

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JustJackie
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I lost my child when I was 5 months along. Suffered from ptsd, it's been more than 10 years now. I didn't know how to deal. couldn't hear or see any babies without breaking down. Out shopping, and there's a baby, leave. Watching a film, someone happens to get pregnant, change the channel. Finding out someone else was pregnant was heartbreaking.. Guess what I didn't want though? I didn't want to ruin anyone's happiness, I didn't want them to feel bad about being pregnant. If I could get myself out if a situation that made me uncomfortable, I would do just that. I never expected anybody to change anything about their lives, just because I was in a very bad place...The parents are the biggest AH in my eyes, they are enabling this behaviour. They should be really happy that you have a healthy baby, and the way they are handling this is wrong. I hope the sister gets the help she needs, and the parents get a clue.

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Louloubelle
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As someone who was infertile for years, I understand a bit of how you're feeling. I hurt too, and I this is what I did - I went to baby showers, baptisms, I sent cards, presents, slapped on a smile, hugged them and congratulated them. Then, sometimes, I went home and cried in private. Because that's what decent people do. The world does not stop when you can't have a baby. It's so okay to feel what you feel. But this person - she's just a b***h.

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Tamra
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I understand the pain this woman has gone through. Sixteen years of infertility, testing, procedures, and three miscarriages - one in my fifth month of pregnancy. BUT...the truth is that life around you goes on, as it must. The world does not grieve with you, nor should their lives and joys be put on hold. This woman needs to work through her grief with a therapist, and the parents need to get a grip.

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Deborah B
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you're going to an event that's *about Julie* like her birthday dinner, or an event at her home, then not bringing your baby is a resonable request. Going to someone else's event, when they want the baby there, it's not reasonable for her to try and claim that space for her bubble of tragedy.

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Makajha Banjjjak
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm in Julie's shoes, and I can't imagine a world in which I would ask my sister NOT to bring my niece to my birthday. How could I be punishing/ignoring a baby, that's like one of the closest blood relatives. I'd rather she would be the only one to come, we would have amazing birthday party 😅

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Rider
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It amazes me how many people make their emotions other peoples responsibility.

ev_1 avatar
E V
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Agreed. It's okay to have your feelings. They're valid. However, nobody should be forced to walk around on egg shells or change their life for you.

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JLN
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My brother and SIL struggled with infertility and trying to start their family for 16 years. Were they sad about not having their own children? Absolutely. Did it stop them from loving, and showing up for all their many nieces and nephews? Nope! Finally two years ago they adopted a beautiful baby girl and she has many older cousins to play with, spoil her and babysit, as well as many aunts, uncles and grandparents that spoil her rotten

ev_1 avatar
E V
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's great she ended up adopting as a result. Being pregnant and giving birth isn't the only way to become a mother. Plenty of foster and adopted kids out there if you're able to swing it. Not for everyone, but it's also an option. :)

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S Mi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A baby is an actual human being. I can't believe the family would treat it like some kind of object to be hidden out sight.

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Makajha Banjjjak
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also, from kid's perspective, that's a very shitty aunt that doesn't want to have anything to do with her nephew. This kid is being pushed away by very close relative and that's not acceptable.

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UpupaEpops
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

While OP is absolutely in the right, I think this conversation is so important to have. There never seems to be a genuine conversation about how those of us who have friends or family who is struggling with infertility could best help them. I watched my aunt. 10 rounds of IVF. Miscarriage after miscarriage. And she's a teacher. She switched over to high schoolers because she couldn't bare being around primary schoolers. She'd cross the road if she'd spot a stroller. Even just an ad would be triggering to her. And we were so helpless. There were absolutely no resources available in our language on how we could best support her. The sheer amount of blogs and articles I have read was insane. And obviously, we were focusing on my aunt, but her husband was also hurting. He also needed help. So yeah. Maybe if we could break down the stigma related to fertility and spontaneous miscarriage, and have honest, constructive conversations, that would be super helpful.

ev_1 avatar
E V
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree. There needs to be more talk and resources about miscarriages and infertility. It's a sad and unfortunate part of life, but they need the support and resources to help with the pain of the loss. I

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Ivana Bašić
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would not be subjecting my child to an aunt and grandparents like that. Anyone that wanted me to pretend my kid didn't exist would not be welcome in our lives.

sophieknight avatar
Maiun
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm unable to have kids, my daughter was born to a surrogate, and I sympathise with 'Julie's' pain but she is being totally selfish and over the top. When my friends and relatives have kids I'm just so happy for them and that they didn't have to go through the pain of infertility. I love them , why would I want them to hurt? Julie is totally TA.

jenniferhildebrand avatar
Jennifer Hildebrand
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As someone who is childless not by choice I never expected the world to bend itself around me. It would be nice to have some accommodation sometimes and not be judged for skipping baby showers.

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CatWoman312
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly if this is how she acts maybe it’s best she doesn’t have children. She needs therapy. NTA.

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Mary Rogers
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In addition to this woman getting therapy, she would also benefit from doing some volunteer work so she can see that there is in fact a lot of pain in the world. Not everything is about her and her suffering. She can use her pain to help others.. I say that as someone who has suffered from clinical depression and volunteer work has been another form of "therapy" for me.

bluegenes avatar
blue genes
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I sometimes think the only thing that really lightens the grief around my mom's death is being in the less than f_cking enviable position to enroll people in the less than f_cking enjoyable Dead Mothers Club. Do i get joy from my daughter and, now, my brand new son? Sure. But this happiness exists alongside my grief and, if i'm honest, every happy moment is less happy than i pretend. Being able to meaningfully prepare people who share my specific type of loss is genuinely helpful where absolutely nothing else has been. Stuff like knowing to check in on people when the condolences stop rolling in... and some dingbats seem to think we should be "over it"... makes me feel like there's one single benefit to what is otherwise unending pain. And to that end, not a single insight i've shared with anyone is revolutionary; just the difference between knowing a thing and actually understanding it.

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Casey McAlister
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. I understand that not being able to have kids when you really want to is probably frustrating, but her obsession is definitely not healthy. If she literally bursts in tears seeing a child or anything child-related, she needs help ASAP.

kristenr41 avatar
Kristen Motulewicz
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This "Julie" isn't the first, nor will she be the last, infertile woman on the planet. Acting like she is a horrendous way to treat others. What a selfish, selfish act. How is that poor child of the OP going to feel as he grows up having been treated as non-existent?!? What a terrible family.

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Nikki Bastian
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. This is like someone having a dietary restriction and trying apply it to everyone. Like if she can't have shellfish, NO ONE can have shellfish, ever. It's not cool. So it's very sad that she's dealt with fertility problems and the trauma of miscarriage, but her stance on you and your baby is petty and selfish. You deserve to have these lovely moments and memories of your baby shower and to enjoy his baby stage. Its a shame that your family members are enabling her toxic attitude. I hope she snaps out of it before your son is old enough to wonder why his aunt wants nothing to do with him.

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Jennifer Biness
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Too many don't understand that having boundaries does not dictate what others do, but what you do in response. Your "no babies boundaries" can look like not going to baby showers or not following someone who posts baby pics, it does not dictate what others must do to accommodate you.

kevinhickey avatar
Kevin Hickey
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nothing more annoying than people who center their whole lives around reproducing. Guess what? You're not special. The human race won't come to a screeching halt if your genes aren't passed on to the next generation. There are a LOT of children out there who need parents. If those children aren't good enough for you then you shouldn't be raising children in the first place.

iamknucks avatar
Iam Knucks
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I went through many years of infertility. It was by far the most emotionally devastating thing I've ever gone through. Every single month you get locked into a cycle of hope and then devastation. It's almost impossible to describe how tough it is unless you've been through it. I do sympathize with the sister. But the reality is, she has to prioritize the happiness of her family and friends over her own misery. Pretty much every single one of my friends got pregnant in the time my partner and I were struggling with infertility. It was very very difficult to celebrate somebody else's happiness. But we did it, because we genuinely love our friends and we knew it was a happy time for them. In return, they didn't bombard us with baby photos or baby related stories. We never set rules for it, they just knew it was difficult for us, and didn't want to hurt us. I hope these sisters can find a balance.

lisaj avatar
Lisa
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Instead of coddling her, Jule should have gotten into therapy. Like it's it so obvious she needs real help, instead of pretending her nephew and other children don't exist.

rickmills_1 avatar
rick mills
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA…..your entire family (with the exception of your aunt) however??……DEFINITELY a bunch of aholes. The best point made, for me was, when she asked if her sister were to become pregnant, would they all be expected to shower her sister with all the love and attention that her sister has refused to show to other people with kids

ev_1 avatar
E V
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If Julie were my sister and by some miracle or luck had a child, I would still try and make an effort to have a relationship with the niece/nephew, don't get me wrong. I don't believe in faulting kids on the choices and actions of their parents, especially if they're family. But being mistreated and told to hide my child away, I'm not going to pretend didn't happen or didn't hurt. Don't expect over the top treatment when you mistreated others during you misery.

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Carriann Frye
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had a miscarriage 7 years ago. It was traumatic and I dealt with it the best way I knew how. Not once did I ever expect other people to change their plans or behavior just for me - that's ridiculous expect from anyone. This woman, Julie, needs therapy.

mikekozubski_1 avatar
DaFetus
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Her parent's obviously have a favorite child, as my mother would kill everyone to have her grand children with her, no matter if you're her child or not...once she is grandma the grand kids are life. So why does your son's grandma not want him around, would she be ok with your entire family not coming just so your sister could? Anyone who did this to my children would not be called family anymore, and I would remove them from my life. You are not the ah. You are a good momma, keep fighting for your son and teach him to be better then this.

pattyo_1 avatar
Patty O
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What's going to happen with your child and holidays and the more regular family get togethers?

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savannahyoung avatar
S
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I understand her grief but what she's doing is so damaging to her relationship with her sister and her nephew. I mean HE EXISTS. It's like she's trying to erase him. I hope she finds the closer she needs to move forward with her life without being so resentful towards the children who very much exist in her family.

cari_mcfar avatar
Carissa McFarland
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband and I too suffered from infertility. However, we did manage to have a son, who is 8 now. Don't think we'll ever get a chance at a second. I struggled a few years ago trying to accept not getting the second I really wanted. My SIL has had 4 now. The youngest two were hard on my emotions. I honestly skipped thanksgiving and Christmas with that side of the family because of how young they were. I didn't expect anyone to avoid children in their lives because of me. I managed to overcome my feelings and I love playing with the younger kids now. Her sister needs to find ways to have her boundaries without trying to control other people's lives.

juliechute avatar
Hoodoo
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Codependent much? OP's sister is in need of counseling as of yesterday. There's no way she'll be able to heal w/ everyone helping her continue the status quo which is to allow the sister to remain delusional. The current situation is dysfunctional as all hell- not healthy for anyone IMO

paulajwynn avatar
Paula Wynn
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What if she'd lost her husband? Would everyone else have to hide theirs? Your sister needs therapy, because life goes on. She's going to see children EVERYWHERE, so she needs to learn how to cope. She could adopt or become a foster parent. She could ALSO become a LOVING AUNT! My SIL couldn't have kids, but she ADORED mine & spoiled them rotten! They LOVED spending the night with her. They had a WONDERFUL relationship. The sister needs to realize that her life doesn't include having kids of her OWN, but it could still be full with other children in her life!

janinerandall avatar
Janine Randall
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've never been married. Does that give me the right to tell married women not to talk about their husbands, their weddings, etc. Julie needs some intensive therapy and Mom and Dad need to stop coddling Julie. BTW, what does her husband say about this?

daphneevans avatar
Daphne Evans
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There is a happy ending please read through. At 4 mos pregnant I was thrown from a car by my ex. The baby was killed instantly. Oh how my heart broke because I had felt him moving inside of me. I had to carry the dead fetus for 2 weeks to self miscarry. I couldn't have any more. I was so depressed. Then all the love for my baby just burst out of me. My nieces and nephews now adults tell me how they felt closer to me than their mother (she had 10). I don't remember but it makes me cry. I go to Cuba often and hold Christian inspiration conferences and here comes the my children. The parents call me Mama the babies call me Abuelita (little grandmother). My lap is full of babies. From complete tragedy to so many babies I can't hold them all. Fulfillment! Love is never selfish. Your sister must learn that.

yulia_yakovenko avatar
Yulia Yakovenko
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is fascinating how some parents use their children pain to make them disabled and dependent! Wounds need healing, not scratching, same Julie's pain needs therapy, not encouraging. And for the Gods sake, one miscarage, two years - it is not the helpless endless situation at all! She needs help to live her normal life and hope, not sinking in her grief! Parents are AH s who ruining their dothers lives for nothing.

shoshana248 avatar
Shoshana Sherrington
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just because that is what she wants doesn't mean that it is the approach that is right. I don't think her avoidance helps her cope at all. We are not always our own best doctors. In fact, usually not. She needs real therapy not self therapy

elenievdokaki avatar
Eleni
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA! You have every right to put your limits and not "obey" to her demands! I can't even begin to imagine how painful is for your sister, but it doesn't mean that everyone must suffer with her. First of all, if she truly loves you she should be happy for you! If it is not possible for her to have kids, she should face the reality and in time accept it, otherwise she will be miserable for all her life and make all people around her miserable to a point that she will end up alone. She should be glad that you have a child to whom she can give all her love and have him as her "own". I truly believe that deep down she likes being the victim and enjoys being the center of attention...

lachanr avatar
LayDiva in the Zone
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Again, the audacity of people continues to annoy and baffle me. I know that losing a pregnancy is hard, but sis is going beyond with her attitude towards her own nephew and the grandparents are condoning the bs? Forget about them and be proud of your blessing.

shoshana248 avatar
Shoshana Sherrington
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA so the ban will be lifted when Julie has a child and all older cousins will have to watch the younger batch enjoy things they were banned from? Your sister needs a therapist it does not sound like she's going to one. And she needs to engage more with children it'll be more helpful than she thinks I know many ppl trying to have kids who work at daycares and such BC it allows them a part of that parent experience

petemccann avatar
DrBronxx
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I cannot believe this. Not only the sister, but the parents as well. This woman's CHILD is basically a dirty little shame, and that is NOT a healthy environment to grow up in. For a long time, I was in the sister's position. I have three brothers, they all now have children. We've been trying for years, but with no success. Now, my wife has had problems sometimes seeing babies on FB or what-have-you, so she's taken social media breaks, but she would NEVER ask someone to change their behaviour because of this, and these feelings NEVER extend to our nieces and nephews, whom she's always happy to see/talk to. Thankfully, things are going well and she is pregnant now - we're in the fifth month. It has been a long and heartbreaking road, but it' OUR road; no-one else's. It should not affect the behaviours/habits of anyone else.

huggledemon32 avatar
Anna Stephenson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This seems like overkill to me- I have PCOS and other medical conditions that case me to be basically infertile. I was devastated at the time and still get emotional occasionally. However I am an Auntie to two kids that I adore, and I wouldn't miss knowing them for ANYTHING! I'm also an "Auntie" to my friends kids too. It isn't going to help her mental health in the long term, to just avoid ALL children!

stacymb21 avatar
Stacy B
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is beyond unfair to the OP/her child/partner not to mention just plain selfish of the family to be expected to follow these unrealistic demands. Julie definitely sounds like the golden child of a narcissistic mother. I know because I'm the black sheep and everything wrong in the world is my fault. This is so toxic and permanently damaging. Maybe its best for OP child to not know these people. I think a group therapy session with parents/Julie and OP is necessary. My Aunt was unable to have kids and guess what?.... she was a better Mom to me than my own mother and it remained that way until she passed. My Aunt also adopted a little boy. Julie does realize there's other ways to become a mother besides biologically right? I'm so sorry to those of you who lost a child or weren't able to conceive. Sending lots of love!

maxwatson1991 avatar
Max
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Obvious solution: Julie isn't allowed to bring herself to any event OP's son is attending. Her kid's welcome. This means Julie will have to leave the house if OP visits.

jo_aldham avatar
Jo Aldham
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Your sister is your son's aunt, and has the opportunity of building a loving relationship with him that would bring joy to her life. Is she expecting that all babies/children should be hidden from her view, just in case? Life has to go on, and your son, and any other offspring, have the right to be loved openly. He did not cause offence by being born.

alisaatherton avatar
Alisa Atherton
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Jesus ... The world doesn't revolve around her and her narcissistic ways. Your parents are enablers as well. I lost 3 children and never have I ever turned away my nieces and nephews. I love them. I finally was able to have one of my own and it was amazing. If anyone ever tried pulling that crazy s**t on me, they'd be blocked from my life forever, family or not. That's so toxic. Not to mention how childish and self entitled your sister is. The whole situation is mental.

luann_daniel avatar
Luann Maria
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I worry for any child she might have in the future, she seems to think she's number 1 above all, even babies, how quick will she get upset with her child when all the new baby attention stops and she has to do actual work, wouldn't be a surprise if your parents raising any child she has. Nobody right in the head treats a child this way.

rickicker avatar
Ricky Namara
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So it's now very clear that "Julie" is the OP parents' favorite child, because they are bending over backwards AND expecting others to do the same just so their precious one won't get hurt...while completely neglecting the fact that HOLY S**T!! YOU GOT TWO DAUGHTERS!! DOES HER FEELINGS NOT COUNT JUST BECAUSE SHE'S NOT MISERABLE!? WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?

mosher2001 avatar
Matt Mosher
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. The way the her parents play favorites with her sister is disgusting. As for the rest there's not much to say that hasn't already been mentioned. The op instincts are spot on.

tarsa13 avatar
CL Rowan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She wants to have a hissy fit every time a baby comes into view? Fine, but I hope she never has one until she learns better. God's knows what she would be teaching that child to become.

sindustrydesign avatar
Penny Kemper
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The sister is very childish. Because of that I don't think she needs a kid. Lots of women go through this and they don't act like this. Smh

rogierklop avatar
Roger9er
Community Member
6 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Putting someone away out of sight just not to hurt someone else's feelings?? Just because he exists?? Come on. NTA. Your sister is a bit and family are more though.

anjalijeter avatar
Anjalí Jeter
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The term 'boundary' in this particular context is misused a lot. A boundary is for the person setting it - it delineates what behaviour you personally find acceptable/unacceptable, and if someone's behaviour falls outside of that, it's what gives you the right to walk away. Whilst you can, of course, inform people they're stomping over your line, boundaries are not cudgels to beat other people into submission with. Other people are not required to limit themselves because you don't like or appreciate something.

iyelatu avatar
Iyelatu
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If her husband died, then will she and your mom never speak to your husband again?

topazdores avatar
PazDores
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Man. My sister had 3 miscarriages before she was able to have my nieces. She loved holding babies after the miscarriages because it reminded her that there's hope for a baby. Julie is outta touch with reality.

raven_16 avatar
Lemon_squeezy
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This woman needs therapy, and needs to learn that her problems are not everyone else's. They've accommodated her far too long, now she needs to woman up and take the steps she needs to heal. This is super abnormal behavior and unfair to op and her baby. Clearly ops parents have a favorite and least favorite child, but it's highly disturbing that EVERYONE is agreeing to act like their new bundle of joy doesn't exist for the sake of the sister. Like wtf? Strange unhealthy family, best wishes to ops sister for getting a therapist and help because even if she had a kid, she's clearly unfit to having a kid if she treats other people's babies like objects to hide away. And best of luck to op and her baby, I hope by now everything has been resolved. Also, there's this thing called a surrogate or adoption :) so many options thanks to modern technology or basic human empathy.

falcawing avatar
Falca Wing
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lost my first kid too so I know how it feels. But her sister should realise even more because of that how precious her nephew is and so should the grandparends. It's not like she's going to hide her kid until it's 18 if she's every lucky enough to be blessed with one as well. Your kid is previous and you don't need to hide it just because she can't deal with her feelings. She should find help to deal with her situation instead of hinding from it. That's never healthy.

lachanr avatar
LayDiva in the Zone
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Julie is dramatic and her family should've been let her know that while they felt sorry for her, babies are being born every minute. She should've gotten therapy. I wouldn't give a damn about anyone's feelings about my child. And I would cut anyone off who asked me to choose between my child or my sister, parents or not.

briank_2 avatar
Brian K
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't lmagian the pain of what that woman went through, but to make everyone else suffer because of her suffering is not going to change things. She could instead adopt a child that is not wanted by its own mother. Make a better life for that unwanted child, I think it may help to ease that pain and also know that doing so you made a better life for another and be proud by doing so. Sorry about my Grammer.

sonyaatencio avatar
SoñaSatiVa
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your sister is wallowing in her misery. She is trying to punish you because misery loves company. If she had a child she would probally teach it to be as selfish as her and your parents are suffering from guilty parent syndrome. Live your own life because you can't make others change you can only set an example. And your child is the one you have to worry about.

eyeamrha avatar
Kendra Cris
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well there's no narcissism in your family, because your sister got it all!!! What a manipulative b****. You are 100 percent entitled to validation too. And here's the kicker. Because she is barren she is going to absolutely despise anything that has to do with procreation. She needs help. I have two sons, one has given me grandchildren but the other and his wife are choosing to not bring a life into this messed up world. I was disappointed but totally respect their choice. However they are all about smothering their niece and nephew with love and attention. Maybe your sister will eventually realize what she is missing out on by distancing herself from your son. She needs to figure out how to take her passion for having a child and give it to one in need. But she'll never have a chance at being a mother if she doesn't lose the attitude she bastilles upon children now.

zenithzephyr avatar
Zenith Zephyr
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This pis prove than child mostly just accessories for parents and gosh how narc some people truly are. There are many babies to love even it's not their bio baby plenty to adopt to... But it's not the same because it's not theirs? Human is not a property but sure children are to their parents.

androgynylunacy avatar
Androgyny Lunacy
Community Member
10 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel like this just gave me a lot of insight. My aunt couldn't have kids, maybe that is why she was so flaky and never there for us or my cousins. The worst thing about her: She tried to tell my mom how to parent. I do not like when non-parents try to tell parents how to parent and how not to. And then when my sister died, she acted like that was her child dying, when like I said, she was flaky and never around. She had a few positive life experiences with her. And sorry if I am the a*****e, but why can't the people who are unable to have children adopt?? I feel like it is extremely narcissistic to want a child only from your own body. Why can't they go bring home and love a child when there are so many unwanted ones out there?... Would they be unconditionally loving parents if they did have their own child? :/ And people say adoption is expensive, but not if you foster and then adopt. It seems really selfish to supposedly want a child so badly, but when you have the option not want to raise one that doesn't come from your own body...

ajones_1 avatar
A Jones
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The parent's of the two gals are TA also, they're enabling toxic behavior instead of assisting with recommending therapy for Julie. They're promoting ALIENATION of a new family member instead of WELCOMING them to the family.

michelle21640 avatar
Michelle Slater-Bearden
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m a therapist who works, in part, with trauma and loss. I’m not saying I’m an expert, but I think about these things often. I don’t think it’s healthy to live..to really LIVE fully from fear and loss and trauma. I have a friend who was abused as a child, and she recently told me she had informed her teenage son that he would NEVER be allowed to have a sleepover at a friend’s house…ever. I raised this idea with my friend about the idea of parenting our children from a place of fear and trauma. I feel that childhood can be such a magical time…parenting a child is no less magical. (Not saying it is easy)Sharing our beautiful child with friends and family is part of living! It’s worth celebrating. I wonder if you can really have a sit down with your sister and talk about this. Bringing your child doesn’t mean you don’t care…but we can’t celebrate a birthday or life or holidays from a place of fear and pain amd loss. That’s not a celebration. Your little needs their aunt AND your pare…

jordisharpe avatar
Jordi Sharpe
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA: Someone else's pain and trauma is not your responsibility. You have been more than patient, but she has to get f*****g real. Children are everywhere. She has to adjust or she's in for a life of misery.

sindustrydesign avatar
Penny Kemper
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Seriously in my family we'd say we understand her pain but she needs to move on. And 5 years isn't that long if you were on the pill before.

hhhcubed avatar
hhh cubed
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And she was pregnant but miscarried 2 years ago. So it is not a black and white infertility issue either.

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chukabraham-igwe avatar
Chuk Abraham-Igwe
Community Member
6 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am absolutely flabbergasted by your sisters unhealthy- and frankly immature...overreaction, and the extent your parents have gone to enable and support this. She clearly needs professional help ASAP. At risk of sounding insensitive, bad things happen in life and will continue to happen. Do we then cast the world into darkness until we can smile again? How selfish! Honestly, your parents reaction is not only damaging to your sister in the long run, it is entirely destructive of family...and they should know better. It is sad when bad things happen, but worse when we can never get ourselves to be happy for others. So, whilst I understand the pain your sister must have around children, I can never understand or excuse this. It's like the stories in children's story books where the evil witch casts a spell on all because of her misery! We must never condone that. So, I'm afraid standing up to your sister and parents is the only sensible and adult thing to do. They can thank you later

crunchtastic1948 avatar
crunchtastic1948
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Jesus Christopher, infertility is not a new concept. Sometimes it's temporary, sometimes it isn't. What it surely is, is something that each individual needs to work their way through. The replies I've seen here indicate most women find their way. Some eventually do become mothers, some must be satisfied with filling the role of everyone's favorite aunt-the fun one, the bonus mom. These can fill part of the hole, not all of it, but sometimes that has to be enough. The OP has a cherished child. If Julie and the grandparents can't handle that, they can bug right off. When they get to the sign that says further bugging off is forbidden they can climb over it and keep right on bugging off. I wish OP every happiness in life.

nicolettemeyer avatar
Nicolette Meyer
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't have kids. So what. I had. Y furbabies. Didn't object to kids. Read to the neighbour's kids. Had his family round. Big deal. Get over it. Sister is aa selfish girl and way too sensitive.

glenmacleod avatar
Glen MacLeod
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I could not have children. I found out in college. I was working and going to school and the disappointment didn't hit me until my forties. In my fifties I felt the full pain and emptiness. My plans to adopt were cancelled by the need to care for an older sibling. But, no regrets now. I never to put boundaries up to children or other people. In fact the only thing that bothered me were rude people who asked why I didn't have children. In fact, life has taught me that getting what we want doesn't always make us happy. This sibling is engaging in attention seeking behavior by asking the whole world to stop. It's about her, not a missed child. If it were about a child, she would strive on or adopt.This sister needs counseling.

ellenranks avatar
Diolla
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The problem with Julie is that she seems to have built her entire peronality and life about this. Infertility is who she is now. Have seen this happen to ppl who had traumatic experiences in life before. Yes she needs some serious therapy.

kaimana789 avatar
Pumpkinpi
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m sorry but why can’t Julie adopt? Why does it have to come out of her to be her child? I’ve know families who could t have children and ended up adopting and those kids were spoiled just as much as a biological child.

susieevans avatar
Susie Evans
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Julie acts like she's the only woman on the planet who, except for a miscarriage, been unable to conceive and her parents ate enabled this sick attitude. They're all being unfair to the OP and also to anyone having any kind of gathering by trying to control the guest list, telling that they can't invite children under a certain age. It makes me wonder if they also insist that pregnant women must be excluded as well. What really takes the cake, though, is the OP's mother trying to forbid her from having a baby shower. I'd be sorry tempted to tell the parent that, until Julie is willing to be around my child they aren't allowed to see him, either. Julie needs therapy and the parents need backbone implants.

welcow0521 avatar
Kristina Cowan
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA I'm not able to have children but enjoy being around them and am so happy for my sister in law for having a baby, I love being an aunt. I feel like this childless woman needs some help with her loss but her family is not really helping.

ashleydennis avatar
Ashley Dennis
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My sister lost her daughter a little over a year later I got pregnant with my daughter and it hurt her but she is the best auntie ever and now has two sons. You would think this Julie would want a close relationship to what could be closet she will ever be to having a baby that's what my sister did. I know suffer from infertility due to a disease and I always wanted the big family and I am close to every baby that is born around me.

leslieharris_1 avatar
Leslie Harris
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA, I couldn't have kids, and 5 years ago had to have a hysterectomy. Yes it hurt to see babies and pregnant people after finding out, but I didn't go to these extremes.

dianabarton avatar
Diana Barton
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We struggled for years to have a child. Miscarriage, failed adoptions… finally had a daughter, whose oldest son died at 5 days old from a rare disorder. Through all the years before my daughter’s birth, I knew several women like the sad sister in the original post, too injured to see beyond their misery. I decided that I did not want to be that person. I didn’t want to lose friends because they had kids, or cut off ties with family. I didn’t want to lose MY CHANCE at sharing their joy. I certainly didn’t want them to have that joy tarnished. Yes it was hard. Yes I went home and cried. Yes I walked out of stores when shopping. Not because of babies. But why oh why are the plus size clothes always next to maternity? No living child doesn’t mean no pregnancy weight But how much harder to have chosen misery? To choose to always be aside from the lives of those around me? I still mourn the tiny ones growing up in heaven. But I also embrace joy.

ev_1 avatar
E V
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I lost my dad almost 5 years ago. Should I ban everyone who has a dad still alive from my life since mine is gone? That's how ridiculous it sounds. Sister needs to get therapy. Parents need to stop enabling her. Bad things unfortunately happen, but life moves on regardless. It's not fair to you and it's not fair for them to have your aunt uninvite the child so that she can attend. You can't put your life on hold because some people like the attention of being miserable. The kid exists now and she needs to figure out how to live with him, not have him excluded from family functions.

icecreamsarang avatar
Icecream Sarang
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m fortunate that I’m fertile. I have 4 kids. I was able to easily get pregnant on my 40s 3 times. But, I also suffered a loss with that first pregnancy at 41. It doesn’t go away. I got so mad at everyone around me having reproductive success where I failed. I didn’t expect anyone not to tell me or be excited. I didn’t demand my sister stop bringing her kids around. I didn’t isolate myself. My loss and pain should never be the focus and take from someone else’s joy.

blovins316 avatar
Bracken
Community Member
12 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can’t have children and it has been a devastating loss. One I haven’t been able to fully come to terms with. But let me say, those rules are stupid, ridiculous and selfish! Julie sounds like a spoiled brat and it sounds like it’s because of your parents who support these ridiculous rules and coddle her and her sense of entitlement. Further more, I’m assuming because of these rules she hasn’t even seen your baby? That’s her nephew! I LOVE my sisters’ children! This situation is just mind boggling to me. Your sister needs to get over herself and she needs to see a therapist.

karenlb26 avatar
Karen Bird
Community Member
12 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I lost my baby to cancer when I was 6 months pregnant. It was his anniversary a few days ago. I still grieve for him and wonder what if but what I don't do is punish other people for having babies! I have a son and a grandson now whom I love dearly but it still doesn't stop the grief. Julie needs to get over herself, grow up and remember that the earth revolves around the sun - not her!

ldaul521 avatar
Linda Daulby
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have never had any children because i was real bad with my health and could not conceive my sisters and my brothers wives had children, it did upset me at first but i learned to live with it even baby sat them and i love them so much. I am now an aunt, a great aunt, and also a great great aunt at the age of 62. At first everyone was saying our Linda will be upset with us but like i said the first one i was upset with, but as the other ones came along i never had a problem i was getting excited as they were.

dpopknight avatar
Diane Knight
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's a new perspective, those women with health issues, that a doctor tells not to get pregnant. Truly heartbreaking if that's the one thing you looked forward to growing up is marrying and having a family. Those couples need to find a different path to achieve that goal. May it be thru a surrogate or adoption, if there's a will, there's a way. It's equally sad if the pregnancy causes the death of the mother, yet the baby survived.

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hrgg-london avatar
Ada L.
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As someone who is infertile (because of 2 medical issues) I have come to accept that I will never have a child, but I took the opposite view of OP's sister. I shower my cousins' kids with love, it brings me joy to buy baby shower gifts, Christmas gifts, & birthday gifts. At family events I often offer to hold my cousins' babies so that they can grab some food and eat, or push them on the swings so the parents can have a break, or read stories to them etc. It hurts when people ask "why don't you have a child?", or "when will you have kids?", etc. Or even question why certain relationships ended (some guys know that they want kids of their own & that's okay, it just means that I am not the person for them). My close family members know the reasons and are supportive & even protective of me in those instances. At one family event when an older family friend would not let up about what a great mom I would be & how I needed to have kids my cousin stepped in and told her to leave me alone.

evelyn_haskins_7 avatar
Evelyn Haskins
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would cut that sister out of my life. I've done it with one sister (for different reasons, I got sick of her lies and meanness). The sister should be happy for her, as should her parents.

leahsahaas avatar
Leahsa Haas
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Julie" needs MAJOR therapy! I had two miscarriages after my son was born and wouldn't have (and didn't) expect the world to stop because of it. Your sister sounds like she's an attention wh*re to be acting this way. It does hurt to go through this, but I had a son (that took over 5 years to conceive) to take care of and raise. Some people may not like what I'm about to say, but Julie sounds like too much of a selfish baby to raise a child. God forbid anyone else should get more attention than her; any child of hers would definitely suffer in the long run. She's the AH!

beccakuehn avatar
Becca Kuehn
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Definitely NTA! I do understand that your sister is dealing with real emotional pain. She needs therapy to learn how to deal with this issue. You should not be expected to hide your sweet little boy from her. He deserves to be included in family functions. Your sister and parents are being cruel to you and your son.

melissajgunnels avatar
Melissa J
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Definitely N..T...A. I've been on both side dealing w/infertility and suffering a miscarriage into my 2nd trimester. It was hard to see others get pregnant when I wanted to be so badly. It was sad to see babies that were born when my baby WAS due. I had to learn to be with it because that's life. If you dont deal with it you shut yourself and those around you out. Her sister needs help and her parents need to stop enabling her behavior. It's not fair to punish her sister with a baby because of her trauma. Once her sister has a child then that's all different. Her parents are also treating their new grandson horrible by saying he can't be there. It's not easy to move on after miscarriage. I still think about my Angel to this day. He would be 23 this year but with time I've accepted it and w/ a 30% chance had 3 more sons now 17, 10 & 9. They know about Angel 👼 and what he means to me. Going back to the woman I'm glad she stood up 4 herself & her son. 👏 She needs her parents support 2.

libby6 avatar
Stargazer66
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Shame on OPs family for coddling snowflake Julie instead of insisting she seek therapy.

schlenkerkl avatar
Monique Rosewood
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've had two miscarriages over the last few years and there might be a chance of not being able to have my own children. My aunt gave birth the week after I lost my second and no one announced it to me because I had just lost a little girl. They were well meaning and honestly I wouldn't have been able to go and see them if they had told me but I never would have held it against them. It can be very hard after losing them to be around anyone with babies but once you allow yourself to grieve, it's much easier.

kellieannhart avatar
Kellie Eastman Hart
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Definitely NTA! I lost 5 babies, 3 of them were big enough to hold in my arms. It seemed as if everywhere I went after that, there were babies everywhere I looked. I have PTSD from my losses and although I did decide to not go to baby showers for a little while, I did NOT try to push my trauma onto others. Your sister is jealous. End of story. Yes, miscarriage and infertility is HARD. But to try to pretend her own nephew doesn’t exist is hurtful and wrong. She can certainly decide for herself if something is too painful to attend, but to deny your son from being at family functions is unacceptable. She needs therapy and fast! What will happen if/when she is past fertility age?? Is your son just supposed to stay hidden? She will have to come to terms with it at some point but everyone coddling her like that will just prolong it even more. You don’t need her permission to bring your son to family functions, I would just bring him. Your son could grow up thinking no one wants him around!

nblasco avatar
Natalie Blasco Cintron
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

25 years ago, We got married all in a rush because we needed to start fertility treatments. I had a couple of miscarriages but never was able to have a live birth. My sisters allowed me to be a huge part of my nephews’ lives and, because of that, the pain of not having my own has been dulled. My nephews all say that their children will have six grandparents. What a blessing.

tracypaints44 avatar
Tracy Rowe
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was never able to have kids, though I desperately wanted to. Now in my 60s that's clearly not on the table. My sister had my niece when she was 18 and I helped raise her. She's grown now and has kids, my brother has twins and I adore them all. I can't imagine what my life would have been like without them and I would never have dreamed of shutting them out because of my pain. "Julie" is hurting herself by missing out on the joy of being part of her nephew's life and any possible future kids. She is clearly grieving and her pain is valid, but she absolutely needs therapy.

omarmartnezolvera avatar
Om
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

that's a very stupid and childish (no punt intended) way to deal with her problem, not just from her but from the parents too. When one is uncomfortable with whatever: kids, animals, etc, then it's you who take the decision to go or not to go if they're gonna be present in a place or event that is not yours, you don't go forcing other people to commit to your absurd requirements.

christa avatar
Christa Neves
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As I read this, all I could think of is the story of the Wisdom of Solomon and the two women who both claimed the same baby. The one wanted what was best for the child while the other wanted "fair". I had the thought that in this case, to be "fair" to "Julie", why didn't mom and dad tell OP that she needed to abort her baby because it's "not fair" for her to have what her sister wanted? I'd like to think that they'd realize the ridiculousness of such a suggestion, but the selfishness shown makes me think "Julie" would be all over that idea.

daniandshali avatar
Bridget Kielas-Fecyk
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. I learned in my 20's that I am untreatable and infertile. My condition is due to a genetic disorder. I was, admittedly, upset. I cried for weeks. My sisters all had kids, and I didn't. I felt robbed. But, after a while, I realized that, though I cannot have children, I have nieces and nephews to cherish, and I can enjoy the time I get to spend with them. Now, in my late 40's I have no regrets. I love those young men and women, and am very proud of them. And my family and I are still close. OP's sister needs grief counseling, and yes, people need to stop coddling her. It's time to heal and grow. Or she's going to end up permanently bitter.

rawcopnyc avatar
Mike Huntly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What’s stopping Julie and husband from adopting? The sense of entitlement is strong on that skank… Her husband will cheat on her whiny a*s and have a bastard out if wedlock and then marry the mistress. 😂

dodsonmichelle avatar
Celtic Pirate Queen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My former sister in law would throw temper tantrums if her Mother & I started talking about the upcoming wedding Little hard to plan without talking, so leave the room. For context she was an incredibly unattractive, overweight, RABID Jehovah's witness who, at 28, had never even been on a date. I felt sorry for her - at first. She tried preaching (or testifying, IDK) JW rhetoric to my 4 year old, telling her it was a sin to celebrate Christmas or birthdays. I lost it and said some very unkind things to her, which I do not regret. She made everything about her and her lack of a man or children. STFU

lisachambers2018 avatar
Salty Wild Hair
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When did she get to dictate what everyone does, says, and decides to do with their own child? If my parents asked me to limit what I post about my own children, that would mean I would hear, post more photos of my own children. How dare they.

vickicunningham avatar
Vicki Cunningham
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like she enjoys wallowing in her sorrow and misfortune. Surprised the mother isn't providing any sensible guidance. Perhaps that is how she became this way.

evelyn_haskins_7 avatar
Evelyn Haskins
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You do NOT have to put up with XXXXXXXX from anyone. It is NOT your fault if your sister has no children. I would think she should be happy for you.

sussanmercurio01 avatar
Susan Mercurio
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My daughter acted the way that the sister did, only it was her little brother, my son. Finally, when he was 5 years old and in kindergarten, my daughter came to me and made a snide remark about "sending him back where he came from," and I had it. I told her to go look at him; he was 5 years old and in school. He wasn't going anywhere and it was time for her to get over it. Then I told her that she was not allowed to say anything like that ever again in my house. And she didn't.

jaynemcelwee avatar
Jayne McElwee
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think this articles reveals our strong societal bias and privileging of motherhood at any cost. When a child is born, we celebrate it. When a child dies, we outwardly mourn with the parents. When a women suffers pre-term loss, her grief is largely alone, silent and silenced (as this article so successfully demonstrates by siding with the mother from the start). I endured 6.5 years of infertility and multiple pre-term losses. The grief is intense and the loneliness and ostracization are real, especially in our pro-natal world. I'd argue that everyone in this story lacks empathy. There are multiple truths here all worthy of compassion, not just another mother.

jaynemcelwee avatar
Jayne McElwee
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Part if the problem is that the sister has to navigate a society that holds the same innate and built-in pro-natal beliefs as this article: that motherhood should be privileged at all costs. This article sides with the mother from the start, which doesn't exactly position readers to try and understand or empathize with anyone BUT the mother. I suffered through 6.5 years of infertility with multiple miscarriages along the way. It was utterly devastating. I had no concept of self left, I felt completely ostracized by society and people around me who were all falling pregnant and continuing their desired journeys into an through motherhood. When babies are born, we celebrate them. When a child dies, we all outwardly mourn with those parents. When a women loses a baby pre-term or experiences the most intense grief because of infertility, her grief is usually silent and silenced (as this article so successfully demonstrates). Both parties here lack empathy, but both for fair reason.

crystalhunter_3 avatar
Crystal Hunter
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

WOW! I am an older sibling who cannot bear children. I had a miscarriage when I was young, and then due to a heart condition I had a hysterectomy well before I was 30. When my brother and his wife were expecting their first they were afraid to tell me fearing that I would take it hard. That hurt me more than any jealousy could’ve. I love my nephews more than anything. I could not imagine missing out on their lives!! I am sorry you’re going through this. While I know I would not be where I am today without therapy, I still cannot fathom holding a grudge against my own flesh and blood like that. I hope your sister gets the help she clearly needs and that your family can mend the tears this has caused everyone.

danielleedwards avatar
Danielle Edwards
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Totally agree with everyone re. Therapy. I went when I realised it hurt to find out my sister was pregnant. My nephews (all three of them now!) Are such a joy to me. I hope this woman can work through her pain and enjoy her nephew.

marymoreck avatar
Mary Moreck
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The sister is incredibly immature and the parents are in denial because they perceive the sister as the "golden child." Don't get nasty, but don't engage in this cycle anymore. I had a miscarriage and reacted like many women in the comments (and still do). But your sister has no right to punish you, or any other family members, for having a child. Make no mistake, that's what she's doing. Offer her and your parents help (suggest therapy), if they don't accept it's on them. I have a feeling the remaining family will fall on your side immediately, but no one wanted to make the first move.

cassilyris avatar
Cassi Lyris
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Being unable to allow other people to be happy simply because you want it means you need therapy, not a child. And before anyone comes for me I know FULL WELL what losing babies is like. Your sadness does not mean no one else around you gets to be happy.

megandelgado avatar
Megan Delgado
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A niece/nephew is the closest thing imaginable to having your own children. It's so crazy that because Julie can't have her own she's missing out on a very similar experience. You can be as close to the kids as you like. It's up to the adult. I was so involved with my sister's first child that I had nightmares that he was actually mine and she stole him from me.

mirandadaugherty avatar
Miranda Daugherty
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Survivor of 3 miscarriages and one abortion out of medical need, ended up taking the route of Voluntary Childless Lifestyle. It took me 5 years to be able to be around children again, including My friends kids who I love very much. It sounds like your sister is making her problems your problems and needs serious help. I took it upon myself to avoid situations where I would get triggered but I had no hard feelings if the "party went on without me" your sister needs to grow up and take responsibility for healing her trauma and not drag everyone else down with her. There are some midwives who offer counseling for abortion and miscarriage recovery, I highly recommend relaying that information to her and get her started

rflash66 avatar
Randy Gordon
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is ridiculous. My God, adopt a child! Nobody should have avoid talking about their child. I am not a woman, but I never had children. I would never treat anyone like that. I wish that I could have been a father, but it just did not happen. I certainly would not punish others for it.

seniljd avatar
Jesse Lines
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The childless sister needs to seek psychological help. I have a brother and SIL that tried to have children unsuccessfully. I have no doubt this caused them great pain and I know they would have been great parents. They have many nieces/nephews and [in my opinion] spoil all of them. They have housed many foreign exchange students through the years that they remain in contact with. It's not the cards you're dealt but rather how you play them.

ronnettelewis avatar
Ronnette Lewis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I blame the parents for most of this! It sounds to me like this girl knows just how to get her way with Mommy and Daddy! Personally I don't think she is even mature enough to have a child. She needs to handle this in a positive way before she can even think about raising a functioning human being herself. I understand her pain because I've been there but she has to start excepting other children and other women who happen to be pregnant to begin the healing process. Children even if they are not your own have a way of lifting one's spirits. I feel sad for the Mother who is dealing with this, I mean really? 3 people at your shower from your family? This is heart breaking! Your Sister may be hurting but she and the rest of most of your family are selfish! They are so worried about hurting her that they forgot that you have feeling's too. Don't give in!

2-katniss avatar
A falz
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA I lost 3 pregnancies early stages and then a hysterectomy at 31. Understand the pain. But what happens when your sister sees a baby commercial do they turn it off or sell the TV so she won't have to watch it. If she goes out the front door do they ring a bell thru the neighborhood telling people to take the kids inside. Does she go grocery shopping and tells the mgrs to clear out all kids. Same with retail shopping. If there's a billboard with babies on it do your parents call the company to have it removed so she doesn't see it. Your sis and parents demands on you and your lovely family are way out of line. Honestly they all need therapy. Go to events with your family. I think I would stop going to your parents events since you aren't welcome with your son. It might be a good idea to go nc. They seem to be extremely toxic.

pillboxhead avatar
Cory Willson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why are people such narcassists they have to have a mino version of themselves when there are countless children who need good homes you could raise instead? It baffles the mind.

tennvk52 avatar
Vickie Kriewall
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Having had the experience of infertility I understand the loss the sister feels. What I can not understand is her totally unreasonable demands of everyone around her and especially don’t get the grandparents. My response to all of them would be ….So why don’t I just give up MY child for adoption so you all can avoid actually having to even acknowledge his existence, much less welcoming him as the precious gift that he is. While my husband and I were going through the heartbreak of infertility we were happy and joyous about each and EVERY new pregnancy and births given to family and friends. The sister and parents need to be removed from this little boy’s world until they can appreciate and love him wholeheartedly.

angelwingsyt avatar
AngelWingsYT
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your sis needs therapy bad if she is THIS opposed to anything to do with childern. She cant even be around her own neices/nephews? Refuses to allow them to be a recognized part of the family? She needs to talk to a therapist asap

ashleywhitworth avatar
Ashley Sigurdson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I lost my son an hour after he was born. Life doesn't stop. It's insane that they expect this from people.

annettemakepeace avatar
Annette Makepeace
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

FFS! I have had 17 miscarriages during $75000 of IVF, we never got to have a baby nor could be adopt after all our money was gone. I have 23 nieces and nephews. Not one of them has to be hidden away, I am godparent to 5 of them. she needs to get therapy.

hop4me234 avatar
Thatkamloopsguy
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The only response that should be given to Julia when she goes off about your son is, YOU NEED TO GET HELP, and then walk away.

deebee_1 avatar
dee bee
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's the universe for you! She'll never be rewarded with motherhood when she treats other people's children like garbage. She has the opportunity to have a child (her nephew) in her life, and resents his existence. She shouldn't be allowed around children tbh.

kementiri avatar
Liz Pirelli
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She sounds neurotic and enabling her isn't going to help her in the long run. She doesn't have to attend any of the events surrounding children so she can just stop overreacting. Other people are allowed to experience their own own joys and celebrations without being made to feel guilty.

brittanie44 avatar
Brittanie McDonell
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't have kids, I've had 2 miscarriages and both almost killed me like physical death kind of almost almost killed me. I would never treat me siblings like this. I couldn't imagine making something joyful all about my loss. Her sister need to grow up and stop acting like everything is about her. Her parents are just as bad. I'd be no contact in a heartbeat.

peulapear avatar
Rees Tagh
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds as though, Julie has gone beyond grief and needs some help adjusting to ordinary treatment, if she was on a train or aeroplane, and a pregnant woman sat beside her or something, would she go nuts? Urm, because, while she has an excuse for the behaviour, it doesn't excuse the behaviour, said with kindness 🥰

catherineheiby avatar
Catherine Heiby
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband & I couldn't have children so we adopted but spent 5 yrs as a childless couple before receiving our first child. Even after adopting, pregnancies, breastfeeding, baby showers & such were & are still painful but it's my problem & I never expected anyone to coddle me, walk around me on egg shells, avoid conversations or not invite me to things...I think the childless sister needs to grow up some, quit being such a baby & press forward, I think the sister who can have children needs to live out loud & quit silencing her joy!

phebeharris avatar
Phebe Harris
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow!! Just Wow, this is an heartbreaking story. There is know way I would have put up with her actions that long. I can understand her a little just a little with her pain, but your parents are the ones that are critically putting her into a state of resentment of people and their children and it's the worse because that is your sister. I believe if your parents were being truthful parents they would help her instead of enabling her to heal through her pain.

sheriesmith_1 avatar
Sherie Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had 10 miscarriages over 26 years. They hurt and it was hard being around children. I never once told others to accomodate my pain. Was I jealous of others and their children - hell yes! Did I expect them to pretend their children didn't exist - hell no! They are tiny human beings and need the love and attention. I gave them that even when it hurt. I know have 2 beautiful children and they are treated with love and attention just like other children. Miscarriages hurt. You're whole world ends when the child you dreamed of sharing the world with doesn't make it past 10 weeks. They had a heart beat but then my immune system would attack them. Don't be too hard on women who are struggling, not everyone can compartmentalise their emotions, but this woman of this post needs therapy 100% to be able to handle being around her nephew who deserves her love

christi_oconnor_carter avatar
Christi O'Connor Carter
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I understand her pain. I have had two miscarriages. But I have kids. I feel like if you really really want kids, you will find a way. She could be a foster mom and help others. She could adopt. She could go to the Dr and see if meds or even IVF is an option. I hate that she's in pain. But isn't right how she is treating her sister and nephew! And for the mom to ask not to have a baby shower... Are you kidding me?! Or not be excited and proud, shouldn't announce it on Facebook?! Hardly anyone showed up to her baby shower from the family.. Anyone in that family supporting that nonsense should be ashamed! He is family and she shouldn't have to walk on egg shells.

alexisdominey avatar
Alexis Dominey
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA, neither is your sister, but she could get therapy and come to terms that she can't have children of her own. Maybe one day adopt or foster. Her and the family that sides wit her behavior is not healthy. The ones enabling her behavior are the AHs.

marywiseman avatar
Mary Wiseman
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

joshuashamblin avatar
Joshua Shamblin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The sister is a weak minded snow flake. Is it sad she had a miscarriage, sure... But there are plenty of kids out there who need adopted. So instead of acting like an entitled cry baby, suck it up and apply to adopt a kid who is in desperate need for a mom. Now if what I'm saying seems cold and mean... The truth usually is.

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Patty O
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's very sad people are in such relationships that all they focus on is having a bio kid. Like you said there are plenty to be adopted. Before we got married we talked about having kids and that when we chose to if we couldn't we would adopt not dragg it out trying. I'm loving my kids generation that are bold enough to say yes we can have kids but we're going to adopt because there are so many kids that need a loving home, and why add to the overpopulation.

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S
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1 year ago

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Coffee panda
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1 year ago

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Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she wants a child so bad she could adopt one but I guess she belongs to the majority of people who only care for bio kids

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Jen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Adoption isnt easy particularly if you want a newborn and it isnt the save all people seem to think. I had numerous cousins we learned were adopted in HS (on both sides of the family) since only the older adults knew they were adopted they werent treated any different than the rest of us, and thier parents ONLY had adopted children so no behind closed door favoritism either. Every single one left at 18 to find thier (in thier words) "real" families, hurting everyone left behind - a couple came back into contact much later but only tangentially and only with the cousins treating us more like school friends than family. The majority of the friends I have that were adopted did similar things, some waiting until they were married (and adoptive parents had paid for lavish weddings) to start ghosting them. All admitted there was no mistreatment when I asked them, they just didnt feel connected and when they had thier own biokids they did feel a connection to them and thier spouses' families.

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David Brown
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1 year ago

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As a manwhohas wanted to be father and have not been able to I am on the side of "Julie". People with kids don't realise just how painful it is to those who want kids but can't have them to have parent constantly rubbing in the fact they have kids. Whilst I am not saying that it is wrong to be happy about having kids, parents need to be respectful of the feelings of people like "Julie". They need to stop and consider how they would feel if roles were reversed and they were the one unable to have children.

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Jen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Going to a family party with your child who was INVITED, posting a brief announcement on your own Fb page and having a baby shower are not "rubbing it in someone's face". I am also childless not by choice and it is on ME not my loved ones to avoid those things if they are too tough for me. OP isnt asking her sister to watch her child, calling her specifically to talk about the vhild or directly sending her pictures - that would be rubbing it in her face. She is merely existing with a child and expecting him to be treated like a human being by others, bringing him where the host wants to see him. It is not on her or anyone else to change thier lives so Julie feels no pain. I dont follow my cousins online or go to events where they are because one of them has kids that she never wanted (conservative religion, husband wanted them so she "had" to have them for him per thier church), but I would never tell her she cant bring them (nor do I tell them that is the reason I avoid seeing them).

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Diane Knight
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1 year ago

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I think this is more 'click-bait' as when my son was 3, that would have made my dad in his upper 50s and his older sisters (2) barely into their 60s. The point is this 'aunt's birthday is 70. I will be 64 at the end of the month and already a grandma and even a great-great-aunt. Yeah, my niece is a grandmother herself. So even my dad's other sisters would have been in their 40s- 50s when me & my siblings were having children. So this is questionable.Jest my take on the 'story' truthfulness. No doubt there are folks who are truly going thru this themselves, but I wouldn't 'advise' this woman because it is most likely a fiction story to sell. I'd bet a lot of folks have found those stories that ended with the column saying it was a story and the characters are that of the author's imagination.

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Patty O
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not every family is the same. Knew someone that all three kids are a decade apart, so think 30-40-50, so 50 could be a grandma and 30 could just be starting to have kids. My husband older brother and sister are now grandparents but their youngest sibling still has kids who are 13-15-17. So the ages don't make the story untrue or less believable.

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Jay Phillips
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1 year ago

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As a liberal, I say she should have aborted her son for her sisters sake. Everyone knows that abortion is ok and saves lives right? Right?

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Patty O
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you were a true liberal and not a troll, you would say why doesn't the sister adopt now and move forward with life, and take responsibility for a child someone didn't want that in foster care

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